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Dad shares 3 brilliant principles for fathers on how to teach sons to respond to setbacks

"We can help them see obstacles as opportunities to make things even better."

fullstrengthfather/Instagram

Kristoffer Koerper (@fullstrengthfather) shares how he taught his kids to overcome setbacks.

Life is hard. Every parent knows that hardship will come into their kids' lives in time, which is why raising resilient kids is a crucial part of parenting.

Instagrammer Kristoffer Koerper (@fullstrengthfather), a husband and father of three boys, shared an insightful post on how he is teaching his sons to respond well to setbacks. In the video, he explains how the family's broken trampoline became a lesson in turning something negative into a positive, and how other parents can do the same with their kids.

"Teaching our young boys how to respond to setbacks: 3 principles I'm working to apply," he wrote in the video's caption.

Koerper begins the video by explaining that the family recently broke its trampoline. "Initially my boys were devastated," he shares as the video shows one of his son's crying. "But instead of seeing it as a loss, I told them that this is an opportunity, guys. We can build something really cool if we just take it apart and use all the parts."

Taking their dad's optimistic lead and suggestions to make a fort or hideout, their attitude "immediately changed. Instead of sulking or crying, they got excited." From there, together they got to work and began to dismantle the broken trampoline to transform it into something new (spoiler alert: the boys decided to make a "secret military base.")

Koerper goes on to share, "As fathers we have a choice. We can teach our kids to focus on what they lose or the challenges, or we can help them see obstacles as opportunities to make things even better. And I believe they carry that mindset into life."

In the post's caption, he went into further detail on three specific principles that helped turn the broken trampoline into a positive experience, and how to instill a proactive attitude in kids when it comes to setbacks.

The first principle he shared is titled "Obstacles Are Opportunities." "I try to teach my boys that setbacks aren’t the end but the beginning of something new. Every setback is a setup for something better," he wrote.

The second principle: "My Reaction Shapes Theirs." "My boys mirror my emotional response to challenges. Stay calm, get excited about solutions, and they will too," he shared.

Finally, he shared the third principle to helping his kids respond well to setbacks: "Encourage Creative Problem-Solving." He elaborated, saying, "Instead of fixing things for my boys, I try to guide them in repurposing and rebuilding. It builds resilience."

Koerper's principles were well received by viewers.

"I love how curious the boys are, curiosity breeds brilliance," one viewer wrote.

"Kids need to have these minor setbacks as it makes them anti-fragile for bigger setbacks as they grow up. Setting a great example out here 🫡."

Another viewer wrote, "I love this. Resilience is something that has to be practiced. Not to mention all the fine motor skills and physical aspects of that exercise, you’re raising great young men!"

"Secret military base 😄 Love this. Keep em resilient and full of the ability to problem solve," said another.

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Psychologist reveals 5 evidence-based tips for helping New Year's resolutions stick

Dr. Mark Jellicoe, a specialist in resilience and self-regulation, offers some wisdom for new year goal-setting.

Photo by Jenny Hill on Unsplash

New Year's resolutions are notoriously hard to keep.

Each New Year’s Eve, millions of us have the annual urge to change our ways, make a fresh start, form new habits or otherwise transform into a better version of ourselves.

The problem is many of us kick off the new year with all the good intentions, only to be derailed from our goals after a few weeks—or even a few days. It's disheartening to make New Year's resolutions each year and fail at keeping them, but creating new habits is a notoriously difficult thing for humans to do.

Is there a foolproof way to stick with a New Year's resolution? Probably not. But there are some science-backed ways to make it more likely that you'll stick with whatever you want to achieve.

Dr. Mark Jellicoe, Senior Lecturer in Psychology at The University of Law in the U.K. who specializes in resilience and self-regulation, says that there are many reasons why people struggle to achieve goals. "Often goals can be too vague, or, in reality, the resolution might be a wish that we are just not that committed to,” he says.

If there are goals you really do want to achieve this year, Jellicoe shares five evidence-based tips for sticking to them:

1. Go ahead and 'manifest,' but understand what works about it

"Manifesting"—the idea being that if you envision something strongly enough and live as if it's happening, it will happen—has been all the rage for the past few years.

"Some may be sad to hear this, but I’m not aware of any direct evidence to suggest manifesting will help to achieve a goal," says Jellicoe. "However, there are several supported scientific approaches, which could be ascribed to the 'manifesting' approach. It makes sense that if we orient ourselves towards an outcome then we might be more motivated to achieve it, which would invoke the patterns of thinking and behavioral beliefs to help us do this."

Jellicoe points out that people need to get tactical, whatever vision they have for themselves. "Don’t abandon all hope if you feel manifesting works for you," he says, "just be sure to back it up with some solid goal-setting practice. Manifesting isn’t a magic bullet."

2. Be strategic about who you share your goals with.

When we're excited about making change, we might be eager to tell people about it. We might even feel like we'll be more likely to achieve our goals if we share them with others.

"There are some schools of thought that suggest speaking your goal out loud or sharing it with others creates a sense of accountability," says Jellicoe. "However, there is growing evidence that would suggest doing this can be detrimental."

"Scientific evidence also suggests that the mere act of telling someone about our goal, and the congratulations or encouragement we receive, might lead to us deceiving ourselves that we have already achieved the goal, and as a result, we fail to move to the implementation stage," adds Jellicoe. "This has led to some advising that we don’t tell others our goals."

3. Be proactive and deliberate about goal-setting.

Setting goals sounds simple enough, but people in general are not very good at the mechanics of setting goals and working toward them.

"There are a couple of solid, research-backed approaches to goal-setting," says Jellico. "Many of us will have heard of the SMART approach, which encapsulates some of these key ideas, where goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound. This isn’t a bad place to start, but there are arguments that even well-set goals may not lead us to strive towards the outcome."

Jellicoe suggests adding the WOOP model of goal-setting, which stands for Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan. "This approach encourages us to think about the reality of our situation and the likely obstacles that come between us and our ultimate goals, so we can plan ways to overcome them," he says. "Pairing this with the SMART approach so you can monitor your progress could lead to success."

4. Get to know your personality type and how it affects goal-setting

Jellicoe lists five well-supported personality factors using the acronym OCEAN: Openness to experience, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness and Neuroticism (now often referred to as "low emotional stability"). These factors can influence how you approach goals and what might help you achieve them.

"This is a vast topic with lots to explore," he says, "but one example would be those who are more conscientious typically tend to be more planful and organized—naturally this often leads to a higher likelihood of seeing goals through. This same personality, however, may also be more likely to stick with a goal even when circumstances change that make that goal no longer relevant."

Jellicoe suggests learning more about your personality type online to gain a better understanding of yourself and your tendencies. "This understanding could give you a good grounding in learning how to adapt your strategies," he says.

5. Utilize the power of small, clustered goals.

"Regardless of the resolution you set yourself, achieving small, clustered goals along the way could be crucial in building confidence and motivation to keep working towards your desired outcome," says Jellicoe.

An example of this method is the 'Couch to 5K' challenge in which people start with running just a minute at a time, adding a little bit of running time each day. With small new goals being continually set, you find yourself able to run a 5K within just a couple of months.

"Often this approach to goal-setting can have a positive upward spiral into other areas of our lives too, such as health and wellbeing," adds Jellicoe.

Whatever goals you want to achieve in 2023—or even if you don't want to set resolutions at all—be kind to yourself as you enter the new year.

“This time of year can be stressful for so many of us, and we all have our own reasons for that. Any milestone event can bring about a mixture of positive and negative emotions," says Jellicoe. “Like with any milestone—think birthdays or anniversaries—the new year can also be a time for reflection and renewal. At this time of year, many of us also have the time and space to engage in reflection, so it might be a good time to reflect, accept and move forward."

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Trump supporters surrounded this headscarf-wearing bus driver. Her response went viral.

It's not easy facing a bully, but what do you do when you're confronted with a whole mob of them?

During President Donald Trump's visit to London last week, a crowd of his supporters and anti-Muslim protesters rallied in central London.

The protesters fixated their attention on a bus driven by a headscarf-wearing woman. The mob held up Islamophobic and pro-Trump signs, some shouted racial epithets, and a topless man ran up to the windshield and began verbally assaulting the driver.

It's hard to imagine what to do when you're targeted in a heated situation like that, but one inspiring photo showed the woman's powerful response: a smile.

The photo went viral in admiration of how she remained so calm, collected, and unfazed by the mob of protesters.

However, some people disagree with celebrating the bus driver's calmness. In their opinion, fascists and racists shouldn't be afforded civility.

Acts of racism like this are increasing at an alarming rate — particularly in the U.K.

In the United Kingdom, the Muslim and South Asian communities are often targeted by the English Defense League — a white supremacist organization — and far-right politicians. In June 2017, two Muslim cousins were attacked with acid in a hate crime. In October 2017, the U.K. Home Office released a report revealing a 29% increase in hate crimes compared with the previous year. Furthermore, out of all the hate crimes between 2016 and 2017, 78% were racially motivated.

But the headscarf-wearing woman is setting an example and offering us a glimpse of hope. She kept doing her job and refused to be baited by their hate. Despite the racist protests and scare tactics used, we still know that we're on the right side of history.

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The Filipino divers everyone is making fun of are actually total class acts.

John David Pahoyo, a top diver from the Philippines, approached the diving board, bounced twice, and sprung himself into the air.

It was the 2015 Southeast Asian Games, a perfect place for Pahoyo to display his diving prowess alongside other top athletes from his region.

In midair, Pahoyo leaned back, tucked his legs, and began a high-speed twisting backflip.

And then this happened:

SGAG/Facebook

You don't have to be an Olympic judge to know divers aren't supposed to enter the water feetfirst.

Pahoyo's teammate, John Elmerson Fabriga, hadn't done much better in his dive that day either, landing flat on his back:

SGAG/Facebook

Umm, ouch?

After the 2015 Southeast Asian Games, the pair's dives went viral, for all the wrong reasons.

SGAG/Facebook

ESPN called them "the two worst high dives you will ever see."

One video of the hilariously awful performance on Facebook got over 2.5 million views.

During the 2016 Olympics games in Rio, Pahoyo and Fabriga still can't seem to escape the (mostly good-natured) ribbing.

But if you think Pahoyo and Fabriga are hiding under a rock somewhere until this all blows over, you'd be mistaken.

OK, we all agree that these dives are hilarious. But at a certain point, the mockery has to be devastating for these guys, right?

Wrong.

They're actually being great sports about the whole thing.

SGAG/Facebook

Shortly after the initial performance in 2015, Pahoyo posted about it on Facebook. He knew his dives didn't go super well.

He wrote:

"This was the first time I felt this great intense pressure. Hooo, one event is over. One more to go. I failed one dive and the rest of my dives were sh***ier than what i did during the training. But at least it was a nice experience. Great crowd, great people. I can actually tell myself that i overcame the extraordinary"

Later, in response to a video of his performance, he commented:

"I even laughed at myself after i did this dive hehe. but after all this was not the first time i failed a dive, and i was not the first one who did so. And I am still proud because not all of us has the privilege to represent our own country to such a big sporting event like this. And by the way can i ask all of you if you can still smile after getting embarrassed in front of thousands of people? hehe just asking, right?"

And you know what? He's totally right.

There's no shame in failing when you try your best. And the fact that these two men can laugh at themselves in the face of an embarrassment that, let's face it, would crush most of us...

Well, I don't think it's going too far to say that, while they might not be championship athletes, they are still tremendous role models.

Oh, and while the internet was just catching on to Pahoyo's and Fabriga's "epic fails," the two were busy training for their next event.

Agustin Fuentes, Ph.D., wrote for Psychology Today, "Failing at something acts to demonstrate limitations, to force us to rethink or reevaluate how we do things, and to learn how to do them better. It adds a road block, ups the ante, and makes us use our brain, cooperate, and get creative with the world."

Two days and a few extra practices later, the duo from the Philippines competed in a synchronized diving event at the same games.

This time, they nailed it.

(OK, so it still wasn't good enough for a medal, but it was definitely an improvement they could be proud of.)

JD Pahoyo/Facebook

These two may not have made it to Rio this year, but it looks like they got the last laugh after all.

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