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resilience

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People think Gen Z lacks resilience because they've been 'coddled.' Let's unpack that myth.

It's not that Gen Z hasn't seen enough. They've actually seen too much.

Gen Z was raised in an entirely different world.

As a parent of three Gen Z kids, I’ve spent lots of time up close with today’s teens and young adults. Looking at my kids and their Gen Z peers (ranging from age 13 to 28), I’ve noticed where the stereotypes of their generation hit the mark and where they miss. Some stereotypes are just typical complaints that older generations always have of "young people these days," but there's one barb that Gen Xers and boomers frequently throw out that I think is way off: Gen Zers lack resilience because they've been coddled and protected from the harsh realities of life.

If we use "the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties" as a working definition of "resilience," I find Gen Z to be a mixed bag. Some of them show great resilience, some don't. A 4,000-person survey from Cigna Group found that Gen Z struggles with mental health more than older generations do, however, and child psychologist Stuart Lustig calls Gen Z "the loneliest, least resilient demographic alive today." Maybe that's true. But is it really because they've been coddled?

It's not that Gen Z hasn't seen enough. They've actually seen too much.

Some argue that the “participation trophies” and “trigger warnings” have made young people unable to handle hard things. Others argue that parents are too easy on their children. I'll concede that some Gen X parents swung the pendulum too far from their neglected childhoods, becoming "helicopter parents" who resisted allowing their kids to experience the risks, failures and disappointments that ultimately build resilience. But the idea that Gen Z as a whole has been "coddled"—overly sheltered from the harsh realities of life? That one is strange to me.

These are kids who have done active shooter drills in their classrooms their entire childhoods, and not just as a “this is something that could happen” but as a “this actually does happen with alarming regularity.” Boomer and older Gen Xers may have hid under their desks in Cold War bomb drills, but no bombs were actually ever dropped in the U.S. Gen Zers have seen the aftermath of their peers being murdered in classrooms over and over again.

What Gen Z has been exposed to is mind-boggling compared to what their parents saw ask kids, thanks to being the first generation to never know a world without the internet. Where Gen X had access to a daily newspaper and a half hour of nightly world news, Gen Z has been subjected to constant sensationalized news streams on cable TV and the internet 24/7. But it's not just the vast amount of news. Thanks to smartphone cameras and social media, today's teens and young adults have also borne witness to scenes of violence, tragedy, and trauma unfolding in real-time, on-the-ground, all around the world.

five young adults standing looking at their phonesGen Z is the first full "digital native" generation.Photo credit: Canva

Where boomers and Gen X might have seen someone's dad's Playboys, Gen Z has grown up with devices that contain disturbing, hardcore pornography. Even if they haven't accessed or tripped across explicit content themselves, it's very likely that someone in their peer group has shown them pornography that kids in previous generations would never have been able to access. And it's happening at younger and younger ages.

There's no precedent for the world Gen Z grew up in

There's anxiety that comes along with all of this exposure, even for full-grown adults who have a foundation of a simpler time to reflect back on. Gen Z never had a simpler time. They were born into the ocean of anxiety. Then they got hit by a once-in-a-century (hopefully) global pandemic, adding another layer of uncertainty to the mix.

As a whole, Gen Z hasn’t been sheltered from the harsh realities of the world; it's been bombarded by them in ways that previous generations simply weren’t during their youth. Humans—even children—have experienced hard things things for millennia and evolved to build resilience to life's challenges. What humans haven't experienced until now is having an overload of information and tragic news and disturbing content from around the world available at their fingertips 24/7. There's simply no precedent for raising kids in this world, so raising Gen Z has been one big collective experiment.

Even if conscientious parents have done their best to protect their kids from its pitfalls, the internet is not a separate thing from our lives like it was in its early days. Gen Z has grown up in a digitally connected world. Even parents who manage to hold off on phones or other internet-enabled devices longer than most eventually had to give because it's become nearly impossible to be an active participant in society without the internet. Those of us who grew up in a non-digital world can attest to how much the internet has changed our lives in various, often drastic, ways. Gen Z was born into that world, and despite being "digital natives" are not immune to the anxiety and overwhelm that comes with it.

Maybe we need to rethink what resilience looks like for the "digital native" generations

All of this means that resilience for Gen Z may look different than it did for us. Their young brains have been taxed in ways ours were not. They've had to process so much more, filter so much more, learn how to navigate so much more than we did. I actually think they're doing pretty well, all things considered. They may struggle with mental health a bit more than previous generations, but they're also so much more aware of it and willing to get help with it. They may not stay in jobs with unhealthy work environments and poor work-life balance, but that doesn't mean they're soft—quite the opposite, in fact.

I'm not saying Gen Z couldn't use some good old-fashioned life lessons about picking themselves up and dusting themselves off. But I do think we need to acknowledge that being the first internet-enabled generation has affected them in ways we are just beginning to grasp, and that adjusting our expectations of resilience and reevaluating what resilience looks like for them might be in order.

It's not easy facing a bully, but what do you do when you're confronted with a whole mob of them?

During President Donald Trump's visit to London last week, a crowd of his supporters and anti-Muslim protesters rallied in central London.

The protesters fixated their attention on a bus driven by a headscarf-wearing woman. The mob held up Islamophobic and pro-Trump signs, some shouted racial epithets, and a topless man ran up to the windshield and began verbally assaulting the driver.


It's hard to imagine what to do when you're targeted in a heated situation like that, but one inspiring photo showed the woman's powerful response: a smile.

The photo went viral in admiration of how she remained so calm, collected, and unfazed by the mob of protesters.

However, some people disagree with celebrating the bus driver's calmness. In their opinion, fascists and racists shouldn't be afforded civility.

Acts of racism like this are increasing at an alarming rate — particularly in the U.K.

In the United Kingdom, the Muslim and South Asian communities are often targeted by the English Defense League — a white supremacist organization — and far-right politicians. In June 2017, two Muslim cousins were attacked with acid in a hate crime. In October 2017, the U.K. Home Office released a report revealing a 29% increase in hate crimes compared with the previous year. Furthermore, out of all the hate crimes between 2016 and 2017, 78% were racially motivated.

But the headscarf-wearing woman is setting an example and offering us a glimpse of hope. She kept doing her job and refused to be baited by their hate. Despite the racist protests and scare tactics used, we still know that we're on the right side of history.

John David Pahoyo, a top diver from the Philippines, approached the diving board, bounced twice, and sprung himself into the air.

It was the 2015 Southeast Asian Games, a perfect place for Pahoyo to display his diving prowess alongside other top athletes from his region.

In midair, Pahoyo leaned back, tucked his legs, and began a high-speed twisting backflip.


And then this happened:

SGAG/Facebook

You don't have to be an Olympic judge to know divers aren't supposed to enter the water feetfirst.

Pahoyo's teammate, John Elmerson Fabriga, hadn't done much better in his dive that day either, landing flat on his back:

SGAG/Facebook

Umm, ouch?

After the 2015 Southeast Asian Games, the pair's dives went viral, for all the wrong reasons.

SGAG/Facebook

ESPN called them "the two worst high dives you will ever see."

One video of the hilariously awful performance on Facebook got over 2.5 million views.

During the 2016 Olympics games in Rio, Pahoyo and Fabriga still can't seem to escape the (mostly good-natured) ribbing.

But if you think Pahoyo and Fabriga are hiding under a rock somewhere until this all blows over, you'd be mistaken.

OK, we all agree that these dives are hilarious. But at a certain point, the mockery has to be devastating for these guys, right?

Wrong.

They're actually being great sports about the whole thing.

SGAG/Facebook

Shortly after the initial performance in 2015, Pahoyo posted about it on Facebook. He knew his dives didn't go super well.

He wrote:

"This was the first time I felt this great intense pressure. Hooo, one event is over. One more to go. I failed one dive and the rest of my dives were sh***ier than what i did during the training. But at least it was a nice experience. Great crowd, great people. I can actually tell myself that i overcame the extraordinary"

Later, in response to a video of his performance, he commented:

"I even laughed at myself after i did this dive hehe. but after all this was not the first time i failed a dive, and i was not the first one who did so. And I am still proud because not all of us has the privilege to represent our own country to such a big sporting event like this. And by the way can i ask all of you if you can still smile after getting embarrassed in front of thousands of people? hehe just asking, right?"

And you know what? He's totally right.

There's no shame in failing when you try your best. And the fact that these two men can laugh at themselves in the face of an embarrassment that, let's face it, would crush most of us...

Well, I don't think it's going too far to say that, while they might not be championship athletes, they are still tremendous role models.

Oh, and while the internet was just catching on to Pahoyo's and Fabriga's "epic fails," the two were busy training for their next event.

Agustin Fuentes, Ph.D., wrote for Psychology Today, "Failing at something acts to demonstrate limitations, to force us to rethink or reevaluate how we do things, and to learn how to do them better. It adds a road block, ups the ante, and makes us use our brain, cooperate, and get creative with the world."

Two days and a few extra practices later, the duo from the Philippines competed in a synchronized diving event at the same games.

This time, they nailed it.

(OK, so it still wasn't good enough for a medal, but it was definitely an improvement they could be proud of.)

JD Pahoyo/Facebook

These two may not have made it to Rio this year, but it looks like they got the last laugh after all.

The Pacific Coast of the United States is just so. damn. beautiful.

Image from Jonathan.s.kt/Wikimedia Commons.


It's studded with tree-covered islands, little hidden coves, and driftwood-strewn beaches. It looks like a postcard. Heck, it looks like where two postcards would go to get married!

And one of the best things about it is the amazing animal life. There are pods of wild orca whales, magnificent sea lions, adorable sea otters, and the king-of-all-that-is-strange giant Pacific octopus. But it's not just the big animals that are awesome; the Pacific Coast's little guys are amazing too.

One of its most recognizable, and colorful, denizens is the ochre sea star.

Photo via iStock.

It's hard to miss their bright purple, pink, and orange bodies — they're like what happens if you let Lisa Frank design an invertebrate. They're a common sight in tide pools and intertidal zones.

At least, they were.

Sadly, a mystery virus has been wiping them out for the last few years.

In 2014, "sea star wasting disease" appeared in Oregon. The disease wasn't unique to ochre sea stars — it affects many different species — but they were hit especially hard. Affected animals get weak and then just sort of ... fall apart. Like they were made of wet tissue paper.

(If you want to see the kind-of-gross aftermath, you can follow this link).

Scientists quickly identified the disease as a type of virus, but that didn't help the sea stars. Since it appeared, it's proceeded to wipe out about four-fifths of the ochre sea star population. It's also spread up to Alaska and all the way down to Baja California.

Starfish help keep the coastline's ecosystem in balance, so losing them could be really bad.

While they might look like blobs of Play-Doh, sea stars are actually the tigers of the tide pool. They eat a ton of mussels; so many, in fact, that when starfish disappear, mussel populations explode to the point of crowding out other species.

This makes starfish what is known as a keystone species.

Like a bomb waiting to go off. Image from Andreas Tretpte/Wikimedia Commons.

But there's some good news! Because although we've lost a lot of adult sea stars in recent years, people are finding a TON of baby stars right now.

Photo from iStock.

Scientists from Oregon State University just published a paper announcing their discovery of the recent baby boom.

"The number of juveniles was off the charts — higher than we'd ever seen — as much as 300 times normal," said lead author Professor Bruce Menge in a press release.

Why so many babies? It didn't look like there were more born than usual. Instead, Menge believes it was because more babies survived than normal, possibly because fewer adults meant more food for the babies.

There's still a mystery though. Why did the virus strike now?

Image from D. Gordon E. Robertson/Wikimedia Commons.

The virus has probably been around for a long time. It's even been found in preserved starfish from as far back as the 1940s. And there have been smaller outbreaks in the past but nothing of this size.

So what's different now? We're not sure. Menge doesn't think it's from warmer ocean temperatures (which has been hurting other areas, like coral reefs), but there are other possibilities as well.

"Ocean acidification is one possibility, and we’re looking at that now," said Menge. "Ultimately, the cause seems likely to be multi-faceted."

Nevertheless, this is a good sign. The Earth can regenerate and heal.

It's too early to say that these new babies are safe, since the virus could strike again, but it's an awesome display of nature's ability to bounce back. Humanity hasn't always been kind to the ocean — we overfish, we dump trash, we pollute its waters — but the Earth is nothing if not resilient.