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Psychologist explains why everyone feels exhausted right now and it makes so much sense

Psychologist Naomi Holdt beautifully explained what's behind the overarching exhaustion people are feeling and it makes perfect sense.

exhausted
Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

It seems like most people are feeling wiped out these days. There's a reason for that.

We're more than four years past the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, and it's been a weird ride, to say the least. These years have been hard, frustrating, confusing and tragic, and yet we keep on keeping on. Except the keeping on part isn't quite as simple as it sounds.

We've sort of collectively decided to move on, come what may. This year has been an experiment in normalcy, but one without a testable hypothesis or clear design. And it's taken a toll. So many people are feeling tired, exhausted, worn thin ("like butter scraped over too much bread," as Bilbo Baggins put it) these days.

But why?

Psychologist and speaker Naomi Holdt beautifully explained what's behind the overarching exhaustion people are feeling as we close out 2022, and it makes perfect sense.

In a post on Facebook, she wrote:

"A gentle reminder about why you are utterly exhausted…

No one I know began this year on a full tank. Given the vicious onslaught of the previous two years (let’s just call it what it was) most of us dragged ourselves across the finish line of 2021… frazzled, spent, running on aged adrenaline fumes…

We crawled into 2022 still carrying shock, trauma, grief, heaviness, disbelief… The memories of a surreal existence…

And then it began… The fastest hurricane year we could ever have imagined. Whether we have consciously processed it or not, this has been a year of more pressure, more stress, and a race to 'catch up' in all departments… Every. Single. One. Work, school, sports, relationships, life…

Though not intentionally aware, perhaps hopeful that the busier we are, the more readily we will forget… the more easily we will undo the emotional tangle… the more permanently we will wipe away the scarring wounds…

We can’t.

And attempts to re-create some semblance of 'normal' on steroids while disregarding that for almost two years our sympathetic nervous systems were on full alert, has left our collective mental health in tatters. Our children and teens are not exempt. The natural byproduct of fighting a hurricane is complete and utter exhaustion…

So before you begin questioning the absolutely depleted and wrung-dry state you are in- Pause. Breathe. Remind yourself of who you are and what you have endured. And then remind yourself of what you have overcome.

Despite it all, you’re still going. (Even on the days you stumble and find yourself face down in a pile of dirt).

Understanding brings compassion… Most of the world’s citizens are in need of a little extra TLC at the moment. Most are donning invisible 'Handle with care' posters around their necks and 'Fragile' tattoos on their bodies…

Instead of racing to the finish line of this year, tread gently.

Go slowly. Amidst the chaos, find small pockets of silence. Find compassion. Allow the healing. And most of all… Be kind. There’s no human being on earth who couldn’t use just a little bit more of the healing salve of kindness."

Putting it like that, of course we're exhausted. We're like a person who thinks they're feeling better at the end of an illness so they dive fully back into life, only to crash mid-day because their body didn't actually have as much energy as their brain thought it did. We tried to fling ourselves into life, desperate to feel normal and make up for lost time, without taking the time to fully acknowledge the impact of the past two years or to fully recover and heal from it.

Of course, life can't just stop, but we do need to allow some time for our bodies, minds and spirits to heal from what they've been through. The uncertainty, the precariousness of "normal," the after-effects of everything that upended life as we knew it are real. The grief and trauma of those who have experienced the worst of the pandemic are real. The overwhelm of our brains and hearts as we try to process it all is real.

So let's be gentle with one another and ourselves as we roll our harried selves into another new year. We could all use that little extra measure of grace as we strive to figure out what a true and healthy "normal" feels like.

You can follow Naomi Holdt on Facebook.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Parenting

Ask kids this basic question to instantly make them more cooperative — the answer doesn't matter

Just by asking and listening, you've already won.

via Hunter Johnson/Unsplash

This trick can fix any attitude.

Raising kids can be a frustrating experience, no matter how rewarding you also find it. Sometimes, it can feel like half of parenting is repeating yourself over and over again, asking your child to brush their teeth or take a dish from the living room to the sink. It’s exhausting and makes you feel like a nag. Don't you wish there was a simple way to make your kids listen the first time?

Dr. Rebecca Kennedy, aka “Dr. Becky,” is a clinical psychologist and founder and CEO of Good Inside who says she has a quick way to make your kids more cooperative and less rude. Talk about killing two soul-crushing birds with one parenting stone. Dr. Becky got into psychology after struggling with anorexia as a teenager.

“Okay, no matter how old your kid is, you can use this 15-second tip to decrease rudeness and increase cooperation,” she says in a TikTok video with over 32,000 views. “Find your child today and ask them this question. 'Hey, I was just wondering, what could I do better as your parent?'”

parents, children, child, parenting, trick, communication A mom and son talk on the couch.Canva Photos

The psychologist says that even if the child has a random or impractical answer such as “Let me stay up ‘til midnight” or “I’d like to eat macaroni and cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner,” just to listen. Simply by listening, you can change your child’s behavior.

She says we should also ask more questions to further the conversation: “Tell me more. What would that be like?”

@drbeckyatgoodinside

Want to improve your relationship with your kid in less than 15 seconds? Watch this reel for a quick-win strategy. The best part: When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids. Of course, I’m a realist… I know you need in-the-moment strategies too! Cue: My Conquering Problem Behaviors Workshop. You’ll get an entire toolbox of in-the-moment and outside-the-moment strategies for reducing outbursts and strengthening your bond with your kid. Learn more in the link in bio!

“I mean, imagine your boss coming to you randomly and asking how they could be a better manager to you. Just by asking the question and listening,” she continued. Dr. Becky says that asking our kids how we’re doing as parents communicates three essential ideas: “I care about you. I respect you. I'm invested in this relationship.”

This type of questioning builds a connection with a child that can spill over into other behaviors. “You're building connection. And with more connection always comes more cooperation,” she ends the video.

The big takeaway from the video is that when we enhance our connection with our kids, they will be less likely to disobey or be rude because they feel heard and respected, so there’s no need to act out. They will also return that respect by listening to you when you have a request, such as taking out the trash or putting down their phone and coming to dinner.

Some people in the comments got funny responses when they asked their kids what they could improve. “I asked my 5yr old. I got a mildly scathing look and she said ‘erm, maybe try and burn dinner less next time?’” one parent wrote. “My 5 yo told me to look better and get a haircut,” another added.

Dr. Becky’s quick question is a great way for parents to strengthen their relationships when things are going well instead of trying to forge connections during conflict. It’s a great reminder that even when parenting, an ounce of prevention is a pound of cure.

family, parents, kids, parenting, bonding A happy family.Canva Photos

Dr. Becky sums up the importance of prevention in her TikTok caption: “When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids,” she wrote.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Celebrity

Jack White recently got his first cell phone and fans are delighted by how he's using it

"A family written by Tim Burton."

Kris Krüg/Wikimedia Commons

Jack White at SXSW in Austin in 2011.

Musician Jack White descended on the Detroit rock music scene like it was nobody's business. With a completely unique sound, both edgy and accessible, he and his (now ex) wife Meg helped effortlessly define a generation of rock with their band The White Stripes. Though disbanded, their music continues to influence other bands to this day.

Listen to one album, go to one concert, watch one interview—and you'll know there's something eccentric and special about Jack. So it wasn't super surprising to find out he somehow resisted getting a cell phone—until about 12 weeks ago.

Not having a smartphone is part of a dying breed; however, a few other celebrities have held out. Selme Angulo's "10 Hollywood Stars Who Have Ditched Their Cell Phones," lists Christopher Walken, Justin Bieber, Elton John, Michael Cera, and Chris Pine, to name a few (at least as of last year).

But Jack White finally caved after his current wife got him a smartphone for his 50th birthday. It was such a big shift, he even took to social media to post about it. He wrote:

"Well y'all it's either all over for me now or just the beginning. I am now the reluctant owner of a cellular telephone for the first time in my life! A lovely 50th birthday present courtesy of my gorgeous and thoughtful wife Mrs. Olivia Jean (who took these photos as well.) I've been saying that my days were numbered for years, can't listen to my music in my car, can't park at a parking lot by myself because of QR codes, etc. etc. and I guess Olivia decided to be kind and put me (and all my loved ones) out of my misery! I thought if I could make it to 50 years old at least without ever having one that I could be proud of myself, and I am. Can't wait to talk to you all soon. My phone number is the square root of all of our combined social interaction times Pi."


Lucky for all of us. Just a few days ago, Jack (well, technically his daughter Scarlett) took to TikTok with a clip of herself, her mother—Karen Elson, another sweet ex-wife of Jack's—and Mr. "I didn't even have a cell phone until last summer" to make an adorable video wherein they lip-sync Prince's "When Doves Cry."

Just 19 years old, Scarlett is rocking the fashion industry as a model. After her runway show in Paris, the three got together for the clip with a chyron reading "Meet the parents."

The adorable awkwardness is bringing joy to fans. Many are noting how special their family is: "Love to see a divorced couple that's still a family. Thanks for setting a great example."

Others marvel at the fact that Jack didn't even have a phone as of this past summer, and is now dancing on TikTok. "Few months ago Jack didn’t even own a phone, now he’s in TikTok mode," one person wrote. Another shares, "Watching Jack White acclimate to phone culture in real time is so fascinating."

Another commenter suggests the next viral clip should include his son: "This is soooo adorable! Next: hardcore punk version with Henry, please."

On Scarlett's initial TikTok post, someone ingeniously writes: "A family written by Tim Burton." Along those lines, fans are so pleased to see how well the two seem to co-parent Scarlett: "A lot of people don't realize these two have been divorced for 12 years. If your child still loves both of you after 12 years divorced, you're doing just fine guys."

What most everyone agrees on is the coolness factor emanating out of all of them. "Now THIS is a flex," one person commented. "No notes."

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Community

These 4 words can keep a conversation flowing forever no matter how bad you are at small talk

There's literally no way to screw this up.

Credit: Canva

A couple talking over coffee.

Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.

However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.

conversation, friends, small talk, chatting Two women chatting in front of a fire. Credit: Atlantic Ambience/Pexels

How to get better at small talk

The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement:

"It reminds me of…”

A Redditor recently shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun:

Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"

You:

Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."

Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”

Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”


- YouTube www.youtube.com

You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.

What’s a polite way to change the topic in a conversation?

Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologuing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.

conversation, small talk, chatting, cafe Two guys chat at a cafe. Credit: Helena Lopes/Pexels

Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.

This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.


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Animals & Wildlife

Emu dads might be dumb, but they're some of the most extraordinary fathers on Earth

Emu moms lay eggs and then bail, leaving dads to do literally everything else.

Photo credit: Canva

Emu dads give fatherhood their all.

Parenting in the animal kingdom varies from species to species, but sometimes a creature's child-rearing habits defy the norms so drastically that it's worth a deep dive. Male seahorses giving birth, for example, is an extraordinary anomaly. Cuckoo birds tricking other birds into taking care of their eggs is a pretty epic departure from standard parental instincts. But when it comes to fatherhood, few animals take dad responsibility seriously than the emu.

Burned-out moms might be jealous to learn that emu moms have only two jobs: mate and lay eggs. That's it. And she's not even bound to one partner to do it. Both female and male emus mate with multiple partners, often without promises or commitment. At some point, a male emu will build a nest for a female to lay her eggs, and once she does, her job is done. Finito. Peace out.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The male who built the nest will then spend the next eight weeks or so incubating the eggs, which may or may not even belong to that specific male (of an average emu clutch of between 5 and 15 eggs, half of them might have been fertilized by a different father, but that doesn't stop the emu dad from caring for them). During these months, the dad stops eating, drinking, and pooping—losing up to half of his body weight as he dutifully cares for the eggs.

Once the deep blue-green eggs hatch, emu fathers stay with the chicks for up to two years, protecting them and teaching them how to care for themselves.

“Emus are really unique in that they have male-only parental care, which is only true for about two percent of bird species,” ecologist Julia Ryeland, who was studying emus in 2022, told Atlas Obscura. “It’s a really fascinating thing for a bird to sit on an egg for two months and then to look after this chick for 18 months with the potential that it’s not even his baby."

emu, emu eggs birds, animal parents, fatherhood An emu dad sits with his eggs for nearly two months.Photo credit: Canva

Emus are native to Australia and are one of a small percentage of bird species that cannot fly. They also have a reputation for being the "world's dumbest bird," thanks to Louis Lefebvre, a bird cognition researcher who wrote a book about bird intelligence. Corvids like crows and ravens are renowned for their smarts, but when Lefebvre was asked what bird was the dumbest, he named the emu.

Ryeland shared a similar sentiment with Atlas Obscura: "Emus are not very smart. An emu farmer once said to me that they can do two things: they can run, and they can think. But they cannot do both at the same time." She said that emus can seem scary and aggressive if they think they're taller than you, but all you have to do to convince them you're taller is to raise your hand above their head.

emu, emu chicks, birds, animal parents, fatherhood An emu dad with his mob of chicks. Photo credit: Canva

However, a 2025 study found that emus may not be as dumb as we've all believed. In an experiment, three emus were given a puzzle in which they had to line up a hole to access a piece of food. In 90% of cases, the three emus initiated a wheel-turning innovation, moving the hole in the most efficient direction to approach the nearest food item.

"There were no reports of technical innovation in palaeognaths [the class of birds that includes ostriches, rheas, and emus] before our study, and there was a prevailing view that they are ‘dumb’ birds," the authors of the study note. "Our research suggests that it is not true and that technical innovation may have evolved far earlier in birds than previously thought.”

Whether they're smart, dumb, or somewhere in between, emus excel in the fatherhood department, especially in contrast to deadbeat emu moms. Good job, fellas.

emu, emu chicks, birds, animal parents, fatherhood Imagine raising all these little ones as a single dad. Photo credit: Canva

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Money-hack expert reveals the exact words she uses to lower her  internet bill

"I have a 100% success rate doing this."

@savingmoneysabrina/TikTok, used with permission

A chronic money saver shares how she keep her monthly internet bill down.

Saving money is the name of the game for most people right now. And doing so requires at least some form of stepping out of your comfort zone. Not going out as much, making the effort of researching budget-friendly swaps, cancelling all those unused emotional support subscriptions, and maybe even the worst scenario of all, calling customer service.

But perhaps if you knew with certainty that making a quick call would be successful in lowering a monthly bill, it wouldn't be quite so painful. And that’s where this hack comes in. “I have the exact script that I use to get my internet down every single year,” said a woman named Sabrina, who shares all kinds of money-saving tips on TikTok.

How to lower your internet bill

Essentially, Sabrina says that if you notice your bill has gone up (which is, like everyone at this point, right?), then you should call to say that you won’t be able to continue affording it and will have to cancel. Now, this concept in and of itself isn’t all that new, but it’s the way in which Sabrina says it that makes it a little more effective.

“Hi, my name is [insert name]. I saw that my internet went up about $25 this month. Unfortunately, I’m not able to afford that. So if I can’t get it down to the rate that it was last month, I’m gonna have to cancel. Is this something you can help me with?”

Even if the response you initially get is “no,” Sabrina advises to keep (nicely) reiterating that you can’t afford it and will have to cancel. That way, they’ll “pass you along until somebody does it.”

“Sometimes you’ll have to get close to cancelling for anything to happen. Trust the process!” Sabrina warned. But still, it’s a strategy with a “100% success rate.”

@savingmoneysabrina I hope this helps you save some money on your bill! Important note tho: when I say that I will “have to cancel,” I actually do mean it. Sometimes you’ll have to get close to cancelling for anything to happen. Trust the process! #howtosavemoney ♬ original sound - savingmoneysabrina


Notice that there’s zero hostility in Sabrina’s tone, making the exchange a negotiation, rather than a threat. If anything else, this is a good reminder that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

And you don’t have to take Sabrina’s word for it. Quite a few folks chimed in (both in the comments section and on Reddit), sharing how the method worked for them as well. And for what it’s worth, quite a few did, in fact, have to keep getting passed along to someone else, or get really close to cancelling.

“I asked to speak to the loyalty department, and when they didn’t do as low as I wanted, I asked how to cancel, and all of a sudden, there was another department I could speak to," one person said. "Knocked $30 off my bill with better internet speed. I think it depends on who you talk to."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

“Xfinity has a retention department that always calls me back with their cheapest offering," another person said. "The trick is to cancel your service but set the cancellation date 3 weeks out, and don’t accept any offers from the rep who is canceling your service. I’ve done this for years without fail and have only ever paid $20-30/month for internet."

A few even added their own bits of advice:

“Also, don’t be afraid to hang up and call back! One agent wouldn’t help me, but another got me back to my old rate but with better service.”

“I told Optimum I was switching to Verizon because it was cheaper, and after saying no 3 times, they offered to lower my bill $20/month and gave me two months free. Only annoying part is having to call once a year to do it all over again!”

“Also, always check that you're getting the speed you’re paying for. I wasn’t and didn’t realize it til a few months later. I asked for a refund, and they basically said no; the best they could do was offer a $60 coupon. Until I said I was gonna file a complaint with the FCC, then they got the manager, and I got six months of free internet.”

“Go into the store if you can. Some kid at Xfinity somehow gave me internet for $35 a month lol.”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

“If you get the sense they’re really desperate to keep you, also say you’ll switch unless they give you a bill credit. I got a $250 credit once.”

Nobody likes calling customer service. However, if it truly offers this kind of ROI, it might at least be worth a try.

Follow Sabrina on TikTok for even more money-saving tips.

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