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Father has 'unique' idea to give his name to daughter, but mom says it's the 'worst ever'

Honestly, maybe she's right on this one.

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Let's not curse any more children with bad names, shall we?

Some parents have no trouble giving their children perfectly unique, very meaningful names that won’t go on to ruin their adulthood. But others…well…they get an A for effort, but might want to consider hiring a baby name professional.

Things of course get even more complicated when one parent becomes attached to a name that they’re partner finds completely off-putting. It almost always leads to a squabble, because the more one parent is against the name, the more the other parent will go to bat for it.

This seemed to be the case for one soon-to-be mom on the Reddit AITA forum recently. Apparently, she was second-guessing her vehement reaction to her husband’s, ahem, avant garde baby name for their daughter, which she called “the worst name ever.”

But honestly, when you hear this name, I think you’ll agree she was totally in the right.

For context, the couple initially thought they were having a boy and were going to go the traditional route by carrying over the husband’s name. Easy Peasy. Except they were having a girl instead. And here is where our saga begins.

“See, when we first started talking about names, the ‘boy name’ was immediately decided: Stuart Jr., after my husband,” she wrote. “No problem there, it’s a classic name and carries family meaning. But, for a girl, things got murky.”

Apparently the woman’s husband thought he had come up with the perfect solve for their situation.

“My husband suggested Stuarta,. No, you’re not having a stroke,” she continued. “Apparently, his logic is that since Stuart ends in ‘t,’ we can just add an ‘a’ to make it feminine.”

Sure, okay. Some names can lean feminine or masculine depending on some letter tweaks, like Robert/Roberta, Eric/Erica, Carl/Carla, etc. But I think we can all agree that this trick doesn’t work in all cases, and that was how the wife felt.

“I tried explaining why that doesn’t quite work, how it sounds more like a furniture brand than a human name, how she’d be endlessly correcting people and explaining its origin,” she lamented.

AITA for rejecting the worst name ever for our offspring?
byu/Beginning_Date1924 inAmItheAsshole

But, alas, “He’s adamant though, says it ‘honors’ him while giving our daughter a unique name.”

In trying to respect his wishes, she even suggested some feminine name alternatives that sounded like Stuart, thus still honoring his name, but he would not budge.

At a loss, the woman concluded, “I love my husband dearly, and I understand wanting to honor family. But I can’t imagine subjecting our daughter to a lifetime of awkward stares and endless questions about her ‘unusual’ name. I also worry about potential bullying and the impact it could have on her self-esteem.”

She also asked the forum if they had any additional name suggestions, but for goodness sake no other “-ta” names. “The man clearly has a theme, and I need to gently steer him away from it, not fuel the fire!” she joked.

To no one’s surprise, everyone in the comments section thought “Stuarta” was dreadful.

“It sounds like a word your cousin tried to use in Scrabble during the holidays of 1997 just to try and win the game — they didn’t,” one person wrote.

Another added, “Stuarta sounds like a pharmaceutical product. I can hear the commercials now. ‘In some cases, Stuarta can cause headaches, rashes and even death.’ It doesn’t have a decent nickname. And no, adding an ‘a’ doesn't make it feminine in all cases; this is one of them. I’d go for Stuart as a middle name.”

Others felt it unfair that the woman’s husband was so hellbent on being the one honored in the first place—especially if the child is already taking his surname. Others argued that naming a child after a parent, any parent, robs them of their individuality.

“WTF should any child HAVE to be named after him in some way? I get the tradition thing but this is just weird behavior. The name should be about the child, not him alone. It's not only selfish, but arrogant to insist children must be named after him.”

“I always believed that if you want your child to have their own personality, their own name is the best place to start.”

Lastly, folks pointed out that regardless of how adamant the husband is about Stuarta, both parents have to be on board with the baby name: “Remind him that baby names need a yes from both parents or it’s a no. You both need to be able to live with whatever you go with. Even if that means both of you are missing out on the one you want most.” Case closed.

Hopefully the husband comes to his senses and all gets resolved before we have a little Stuarta in the world. But if not, let’s be kind to her regardless.


This article originally appeared last year.

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Woman who was pressured to quit her job to raise stepdaughter's baby makes a bold decision

This sparked an important conversation about family responsibility.

via Pixabay

When parents can't step up, should grandparents step in?

A story that recently went viral on Reddit’s AITA forum asks an important question: What is a parent’s role in taking care of their grandchildren? The story is even further complicated because the woman at the center of the controversy is a stepparent.

At the time of writing her post, the woman, 38, met her husband Sam, 47, ten years ago, when his daughter, Leah, 25, was 15. The couple married five years ago after Leah had moved out to go to college.

Leah’s mom passed away when she was 10.

When Leah became pregnant she wanted to keep the baby, but her boyfriend didn’t. After the disagreement, the boyfriend broke up with her. This forced Leah to move back home because she couldn’t afford to be a single parent and live alone on a teacher’s salary.

Leah’s story is familiar to many young mothers facing similar difficulties.

The father isn’t involved in the baby’s life as a caretaker or financially. Sadly, research shows that 33% of all children in the U.S. are born without their biological fathers living in the home.

a young mother holds her baby

Single motherhood comes with unique hardships.

via Alexander Grey/Unsplash

The new mother is a teacher and can’t afford to live on her own with a child. In 2019, a study found that out the top 50 U.S. cities, Pittsburgh is the only one where a new teacher could afford rent.

Today, Portland, OR has joined the very short list of cities where an "average teacher can afford 91.3% of apartments within community distance of their school" according to a recent study.

The stressors of taking care of the baby made Leah realize she needed help.

“But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.”

“Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave the baby at daycare or with a nanny,” the woman continued. “Sam and I both work as well.”

Leah asked her stepmother if she would stay home with the baby. The stepmother said no because she never wanted to have a baby and she has a job. “I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself,” the woman wrote. “She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and needed something else in her life too.”

A woman holds a newborn baby.

The demands of new motherhood are usually all-encompassing.

via Pixabay

After the woman told her stepdaughter no, her husband pressured her to stay home with the baby. But she refused to give up her job to raise her stepdaughter’s child. “Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her, and my husband is also mad at me,” the woman wrote. The woman asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for “refusing to help my stepdaughter with the baby,” and the community responded with rapturous support.

"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby. If he wants a family member to look after her baby while she works, then he can do it," user Heavy_Sand5228 wrote.

"This is Leah's baby that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is manipulative and messed up, and I'm shocked your husband is siding with her," user SupremeCourtJust-a** added.

Leah and many women like her are in this situation because, in many places, teachers are underpaid, rent is high, and not all dads pay child support, even those required by law.

Another commenter noted that the baby is much more the father’s responsibility than the stepmother's. "To add, Leah should consider seeking child support from her ex. Her kid should be getting that money," Obiterdicta wrote.

While there are resources to help stepparents connect with their stepchildren and step-grandchildren, it's important to remember that the responsibility to raise a child ultimately rests with the parent(s).

This article originally appeared last year.

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Grandma got a secret DNA test after noticing her granddaughter didn't look like her siblings

People think she was right to do it, too.

via Christian Buehner/Unsplash and Warren Umoh/Unsplash

The grandmother was suspicious.

A grandmother always felt her middle granddaughter Lindsay, 15, looked slightly different from the rest of the family because she had blonde, curly hair, while the rest of her siblings’ hair was dark “I thought genetics was being weird and I love her,” she wrote on Reddit’s AITA forum.

But things became serious after Linday’s parents “banned” her from taking things a step further and getting a DNA test. If the family was sure their daughter was theirs, why would they forbid her from seeking clarity in the situation? After the parents laid down the law, the situation started to seem a little suspicious. “I told my son and [daughter-in-law] that there was something fishy around her birth she needed to know. They denied it and told me to leave it alone,” the grandma wrote.

Lindsay wouldn’t give up her quest. She approached her biology teacher, who admitted that it was “odd” for her to have such different traits. This confusion was too much for Lindsay, so she went to her grandmother for help. “She came to me distressed, asking me to buy a DNA test since she needs to know,” the grandmother wrote.

dna tests, paternity tests, grandmothers

She had blonde, curly hair. But her siblings all had black hair.

via Allef Vinicius/Unsplash

The grandmother purchased a DNA test and it proved their suspicions. “Long story short, she is not her mother's kid,” the grandmother wrote. “My son got someone else pregnant and her bio mom gave her up.”

The interesting thing was that Lindsay was a middle child. So, the dad had a baby with another woman while he was with his wife. This revelation begs the question: How did the family suddenly have a baby out of nowhere without people being suspicious?

“They were on the other side of the country when she was born, and I met Lindsey when she was about 6 months old. Really not hard to hide the whole thing,” the grandmother wrote. “Our family has a history of miscarriages, so it’s common to drop news about a baby late in the pregnancy. They did the same with their oldest and didn't think anything about it.”

The big revelation has caused friction in the family. The family no longer talks to the grandmother, which makes Lindsay even more furious about the situation.

Should the grandmother have taken such drastic steps if she knew what could happen if her suspicions were true? The commenters on Reddit overwhelmingly supported the grandmother’s decision. The big reason was that Lindsay needed to know her family history for medical reasons.

"Your son and his wife suck for lying to her until she is 15 about something so important and trying to keep lying to her even after she obviously started to question things. There are medical reasons a person might need to know what their genetics are/are not, and if you hadn’t helped her, she would have found out some other way," Shake_Speare423 wrote.

Another commenter noted that protecting the parents’ lie wasn’t nearly as important as Lindsay’s mental health.

"People have a right to know their genetic heritage. Lying about adoption is linked to increased suicidal ideation, anxiety, and depression. You put her safety and comfort ahead of your son’s preferences. Parental rights do not have greater value than a child’s right to access comprehensive medical care, and hiding an adoption does precisely that. Maybe some things, like a child staying healthy, should matter more than a parent's right to lie, gaslight and manipulate their child as they see fit," RemembrancerLirael added.

The commenters overwhelmingly supported the grandma for putting herself into an uncomfortable situation to protect her granddaughter’s mental and physical health. However, one commenter noted that she could have gone about it in a less polarizing way.

“Bit out of the norm for the responses here, but you should have gone through your son [and daughter-in-law] and convinced them. Told them that the biology teacher had highlighted that she had traits that didn't make sense, etc. and convinced them that Lindsey would find out either way,” PhilMcGraw wrote. “It would have allowed them to find a way to tell her without it being forced on them angrily. A DNA test is the absolute worst way to be told. I'm sure they would have much rather told her than let her find out by a DNA test if that is what was coming.”


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Daughter finally stands up to mom who called her the wrong name for 19 years

Calling people the wrong name is a profound show of disrespect.

via Canva/Photos

Woman says, 'Stop it, right there."

It can be exceedingly hurtful when someone intentionally calls you by the wrong name because it’s tied to your identity. It shows that the other person isn’t concerned about your wishes or cares enough to put in the time to get your name right. It's also just plain rude.

"[Getting names wrong] can go under the radar for a lot of individuals. Other people can see it as, 'oh, it's not that big of a deal,'" Myles Durkee, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, told the BBC. "What makes it detrimental is the chronic pattern of doing this consistent mispronunciation. And the ripple effects from that are much more adverse, signalling to the individual that they're less important, that they're less valued."

Alyssa, 34, made the case that you don't need to explain your anger when someone calls you the wrong name for years. Alyssa recently had to put her foot down when her 62-year-old mother blatantly called her by a name she hadn’t liked since she was a teenager.

“When I was a child, my parents started using a nickname variant for me (Lyssy vs Alyssa). I have been expressing open distaste for this since I was 15, but I let my family continue using it for a while (because they're family) until about five years ago when I started actively and consistently correcting them. I deeply despise this nickname as it feels patronizing as an adult and they all know that,” Alyssa wrote.

nacknames, reddit, mom fightAn upset teenager.via Canva/Photos

The situation came to a head on Alyssa’s birthday, which she celebrated with her younger brother, Toby, at her parents' house.

“As we're finishing up dinner and discussing [Christmas plans], my mother starts, ‘Toby, you and Lyssy can…’ and I interject with ‘Alyssa.’ It's at this point my mother slams her hands on the table and says, ‘You know what? F*** Christmas!’ and storms off to her room,” Alyssa wrote.

The mother wouldn’t leave her room, even when it was time to cut the cake and sing “Happy Birthday” to Alyssa. Alyssa refused to go to her mother’s room and talk about the disagreement because she made it clear did not want to be called Lyssa.

The father took mom’s side and said she used the wrong name because she has chronic pain and hasn’t been sleeping well.

“Just before I walk out, [Toby] says, ‘Alyssa, stop looking for reasons to hate Mom.’ I've never felt white hot rage flare through me like that, but I held back from cursing him out and just left,” she wrote. Alyssa asked the Reddit forum where she posed her story if she was in the wrong for refusing to smooth things over with her mom.

nacknames, reddit, mom fightAn upset mother. via Canva/Photos

The commenters overly supported Alyssa for drawing a line in the sand. “You are a 34-year-old adult and everybody around you needs to stop calling you names you don't want to be called. It's not a big demand and your end, and it's not a big burden on their end,” one commenter wrote. “Mix-ups happen, but getting angry after making a mistake and holding a grudge for being corrected is toddler behaviour,” another wrote, criticizing the mother.

“I don't see how chronic pain makes it more difficult to pronounce your name correctly. Your name perfectly reasonable to expect everyone to use it. Your correction was very low-key,” another commenter wrote.

However, there were a few people who thought that the mother’s chronic pain may have played a role in her calling the wrong name. “I'm not excusing the mom, but chronic pain can cause something called ‘brain fog,’ and part of that is issues with words,” they wrote. “I suffer from chronic pain due to an autoimmune disorder. I forget words, dates, phone numbers, etc., all the time. You know what I don't forget? My own child's name,” another commenter clarified.

Ultimately, people’s names are precious to them and people think it’s understandable to be angry if someone calls you by the wrong one for years. The mom could have slipped up because she was dealing with brain fog. But if that was the case, why didn’t she just apologize?

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