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Ask kids this basic question to instantly make them more cooperative — the answer doesn't matter

Just by asking and listening, you've already won.

via Hunter Johnson/Unsplash

This trick can fix any attitude.

Raising kids can be a frustrating experience, no matter how rewarding you also find it. Sometimes, it can feel like half of parenting is repeating yourself over and over again, asking your child to brush their teeth or take a dish from the living room to the sink. It’s exhausting and makes you feel like a nag. Don't you wish there was a simple way to make your kids listen the first time?

Dr. Rebecca Kennedy, aka “Dr. Becky,” is a clinical psychologist and founder and CEO of Good Inside who says she has a quick way to make your kids more cooperative and less rude. Talk about killing two soul-crushing birds with one parenting stone. Dr. Becky got into psychology after struggling with anorexia as a teenager.

“Okay, no matter how old your kid is, you can use this 15-second tip to decrease rudeness and increase cooperation,” she says in a TikTok video with over 32,000 views. “Find your child today and ask them this question. 'Hey, I was just wondering, what could I do better as your parent?'”

parents, children, child, parenting, trick, communication A mom and son talk on the couch.Canva Photos

The psychologist says that even if the child has a random or impractical answer such as “Let me stay up ‘til midnight” or “I’d like to eat macaroni and cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner,” just to listen. Simply by listening, you can change your child’s behavior.

She says we should also ask more questions to further the conversation: “Tell me more. What would that be like?”

@drbeckyatgoodinside

Want to improve your relationship with your kid in less than 15 seconds? Watch this reel for a quick-win strategy. The best part: When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids. Of course, I’m a realist… I know you need in-the-moment strategies too! Cue: My Conquering Problem Behaviors Workshop. You’ll get an entire toolbox of in-the-moment and outside-the-moment strategies for reducing outbursts and strengthening your bond with your kid. Learn more in the link in bio!

“I mean, imagine your boss coming to you randomly and asking how they could be a better manager to you. Just by asking the question and listening,” she continued. Dr. Becky says that asking our kids how we’re doing as parents communicates three essential ideas: “I care about you. I respect you. I'm invested in this relationship.”

This type of questioning builds a connection with a child that can spill over into other behaviors. “You're building connection. And with more connection always comes more cooperation,” she ends the video.

The big takeaway from the video is that when we enhance our connection with our kids, they will be less likely to disobey or be rude because they feel heard and respected, so there’s no need to act out. They will also return that respect by listening to you when you have a request, such as taking out the trash or putting down their phone and coming to dinner.

Some people in the comments got funny responses when they asked their kids what they could improve. “I asked my 5yr old. I got a mildly scathing look and she said ‘erm, maybe try and burn dinner less next time?’” one parent wrote. “My 5 yo told me to look better and get a haircut,” another added.

Dr. Becky’s quick question is a great way for parents to strengthen their relationships when things are going well instead of trying to forge connections during conflict. It’s a great reminder that even when parenting, an ounce of prevention is a pound of cure.

family, parents, kids, parenting, bonding A happy family.Canva Photos

Dr. Becky sums up the importance of prevention in her TikTok caption: “When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids,” she wrote.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Boomers often forget what it's like having young kids. Millennials call it 'gramnesia.'

"You never had tantrums when you were little!"

@millennialmomtherapist/Instagram, Photo credit: Canva

Millennials, are you victims of "gramnesia"?

If there's one thing we're really good at in 2025, it's giving specific phenomena a catchy, viral name. It’s funny how once a sort of abstract experience gets a name attached to it, it suddenly becomes much easier to understand and relate to. The Internet—and primarily TikTok—has been great for that. Sure, things get out of hand quite easily (like the overuse of “therapy speak”), but there has also been quite a lot of validation and meaningful conversations that have spawned from these overnight buzzwords.

Case and point: “Gramnesia.”

“Gramnesia,” which combines the words “grandparent” and “amnesia,” has been popping up on Reddit discussions for a while now, though the coiner of the term seems unknown. But only recently has it been really gaining traction.

Back in June of 2024, Maryland-based therapist and mom Allie McQuaid, really brought “gramnesia” to the forefront of the conversation when she made an Instagram video all about it.

“I just heard this term called ‘gramnesia’ when grandparents forget what it’s really like having young kids and I can’t stop thinking about how accurate it is,” she said in the clip.

In her caption, McQuaid shared how so many of her clients would get “slammed” by their parents about how different (i.e. “easier”) raising kids was for them whenever they brought their own children around.

These hyperbolic memories are, as McQuaid put it, so “ridiculous” that they've clearly “forgot[ten] what it was really like in those early years of parenthood.”

Some examples of “gramnesia” statements could be:

“You never had tantrums when you were a kid”

“I potty trained you before you were one”

“You were always happy to eat whatever we fed you.”

“You were spanked and turned out fine!”

Clearly, McQuaid’s video struck a chord, because it wasn’t long before people begin chiming in with their own stories of gramnesia:

“My MIL, over the years, loved to act like her children were perfect growing up. I love to tell the stories of her son (my hubby) getting into all kinds of trouble as a kid - oh the shock.”

“*Baby makes any kind of noise* Grandma: "Oh they must be teething!" Me : "Umm she's 4 months old, She isn't teething yet - just has feelings and is you know - A BABY" grandma: ‘well my kids had all their teeth by 4 months’ 😐🤨”

“5 months old and not sleeping through the night? Did you try rice cereal? Baby not walking ? Rice cereal. Baby not in college yet? Have you tried rice cereal?”

“Ugh my dad literally just said this to me last week… ‘I don’t remember you guys having this many tantrums’… 🙄 right after my boys were upset.”


parenting, conflict, kids, parents, gramnesia These moments may be harder to remember. Image via Canva

McQuaid posited some theories as to why gramnesia exists in the first place.

One is that it could simply be the natural tendency to have a cognitive bias which puts past experiences in a more positive light than they actually were, aka having “euphoric recall.” As she told Huffpost, we tend to have a “foggier memory of how things truly were” as we get older, “especially if the experience we had was particularly difficult or even traumatic.”

Plus, the first few years of parenthood are often such a blur anyway. McQuaid herself admitted that ”I even have a hard time remembering the first year of motherhood, and that was only four years ago.”

In addition, McQuaid theorized that gramnesia exists because previous generations “were not given space to express emotions or indicate that they were struggling to adjust to motherhood.” Honestly, a sound hypothesis.

And for the frustrated folks itching to confront their boomer parents about this, McQuaid suggests picking your battles.

“Check your capacity if you have the space or energy to even consider bringing up your frustration with your parents,” she told Huffpost. “You are likely in the throes of parenting right now, and maybe all you can do is smile and nod after hearing for the 100th time how ‘you were never like this.’”

However, if you are determined to bring it up and set the record straight, McQuaid suggests to actually keep it centered around you and how the situation makes you feel, rather than combating their memories. So, instead of saying, “That’s NOT how it happened!” try something like, “When you said that I never did X when I was Y’s age, it makes me question how well I’m doing as a parent.” Probably easier said than done, to be sure.

And while this sore spot might never come to a full resolution for a lot of millennial parents, at least take some solace in knowing that you’re not crazy, nor are you alone.

parenting, parenting life, parents, babies, having children You'll probably forget the stress of these days too. Image via Canva.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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15 millennial parenting struggles Boomer parents never had to deal with

"I'll go first ---> the cost of childcare."

Image via Canva

Millennial parents share how parenting has changed compared to Boomer parents.

Raising kids has changed with every generation. For Millennials raising kids, the parenting landscape has changed immensely since the experiences of their Boomer parents.

In an online parenting community, member @Eclectic7112 posed the question to fellow Millennials: "Millennials with kids, what's something you have to deal with, that your parents didn't have to deal with at the same level or at all?"

They followed it up with more details. "A lot has changed in the last 40 years. This includes raising kids. If there was something that you had to explain to your parents that's 'different' than it was when they raised us, what would it be?

parents, parenting, dad, babies, gif Come Here Season 6 GIF by This Is Us Giphy

As the first response, @Eclectic7112 shared, "I'll go first ---> the cost of childcare." And their peers did not hold back on their responses. Millennial parents opened up about 15 major changes they've faced as parents compared to the previous generation, from technology to sports to momfluencers.

1. "The expectation that work never ends and you should be reachable after work hours and weekends." - Beberuth1131

2. "My kids expect me to play with them ALL the time. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t allowed to talk to my dad while he was watching TV." - Dadbod646

kids, playing, parenting, playing with kids, playtime Work From Home Kids GIF by MOODMAN Giphy

3. "Having grandparents who don't help. My grandma helped, and I spent months with my grandparents during the year." -SandiegoJack

4. "Prices of stuff in general. My mom managed to raise three kids on one income at a gas station and we always had everything we needed. Did she struggle? Of course, but it was still do-able. It is beyond impossible now, even at my $20/hour paycheck." - Old-Capital5079

5. "Momfluencers." - Puzzleheaded-Sphinx

6. "Sports are so different now. I'm 43. My kid is 9 and plays hockey. Youth sports have gotten nuts. When I was a kid, you played hockey in the winter. You played for your town's team. You had a practice each week and a game each week. Now there are spring leagues, and summer leagues. There are 'competitive' triple A programs that cost tens of thousands of dollars a year. Practices are 2+ times a week or more. I've talked to other parents who are already talking about college scholarships or going pro... it's nuts. Like you don't HAVE to sign up for all of it but once you put your kid in a sport there is SO MUCH pressure to do more. I used hockey as an example but I have friends with kids who've had the same experiences in baseball, cheerleading, gymnastics, swimming, soccer..." - seanofkelley

cheerleading, cheerleader, kids cheer, cheer squad, cheerleading sport bring it GIF by Lifetime Giphy

7. "Play dates... apparently nobody can be trusted enough to watch your kid until they're like 8 or 9." - JP96

8. "The fact that technology is so integrated with school. I can’t keep my kids off screens because that’s how they do 90% of their schoolwork. Their schools start providing Chromebooks in kindergarten. Half of their assignments require watching Youtube videos. They have to fill out google forms for school events. And my kids’ band director pushes out music and drill on google drive. I constantly have to find new ways to try to give them access to what they need but still limit the constant unfettered access to the internet." - UnhappyDimension681

9. "How we sit in cars. We kind of just laid in the back on road trips. Now they're in boosters until their big. I understand safety obviously but big difference in Long road trips!" - Jessssiiiiccccaaaa

minivan, road trip, travel with kids, traveling, car Happy Honda GIF Giphy

10. "Social media and keeping-up-with-the-Jones. Almost every 8-year old in my daughter's class has a cell phone OR an Apple Watch. It's hard for my wife and I to explain to our daughter why we don't think it is a good idea for her yet. There was even some TikTok drama at her school that got the district's attention where some 5th graders were randomly matching up 5th graders as if they were dating." - dr_z0idberg_md

11. "Monitoring their consumption of media is far and away the hardest thing. I haven't caught them watching anything TOO out of bounds, but the other day we were talking about someone who'd only go on a trip if someone else was paying for it, and my 10 y/o daughter asked 'You mean like a sugar baby?' and I just...how? Where? She likes watching Youtube shorts and tutorials and those "oddly satisfying" videos, and sometimes looks up musicians she likes, but I can't screen everything she can get her hands on. I looked at her history and nothing pops out, and maybe it was someone from school, but I just don't know." - andmewithoutmytowel

12. "Summer camp. My ass was out from morning to 7 at night." - awiththejays

summer camp, camp, sleep away camp, overnight camp, kids camp summer camp GIF Giphy

13. "School drop off and pick up. I walked to school and home from school as an elementary school kid. Now, if your elementary school kid tries to walk to the school door without a parent, they’d be on the phone with CPS before your kid’s butt crossed the threshold. Walking to/from school is still a common practice in other countries but sadly not here anymore." - TrickyOperation6115

14. "Every birthday party needs a theme now." - Janeheroine

15. "The fact that we can never watch tv because the kids can watch exactly what they want on demand at anytime, not having to wait for the cartoons to come on." - Woefulraddish


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Dad shares 'complaints' about his toddler's restaurant business and it's too adorable

"It's a very clean establishment, but whewww let me tell you about this owner."

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Ava's Kitchen leaves a bit to be desired in the customer service department.

Toddlers can be a handful, but they're also the absolute best, with their tiny little adorableness, their burgeoning vocabulary, and their slowly evolving understanding of the world. Their imaginations are something else, and spending time in a wee one's world is always an unpredictable treat. Being the parent of a toddler is a unique joy that only lasts for a fleeting season, so you have to take full advantage of it while you can. And one dad has clearly done just that.

Christopher Kyle is father to Ava, who at 18 months old treated her dad to a meal at her sit-down restaurant. Only according to Kyle, the service left much to be desired. In a post on Instagram, Kyle shared a photo of Ava in her play kitchen while he sat waiting for his food in a tiny chair at a tiny table.

The father/customer wrote:

"So I tried to support another Black Owned Business for lunch today. It's called Ava's Kitchen, just opened end of April. It's a very clean establishment, but whewww let me tell you about this owner.

First off, I asked why there are balloons on my chair, and it's not my birthday? She talm'bout, mind yah business; those are Mommy's.

I been waiting on my order to get done for 45 minutes, and I'm the only customer here. She was making good progress at first, then she stopped for 20 minutes to go watch Paw Patrol.

Paw Patrol Dog GIF by Xbox Giphy

Overall the customer service could be better, but the cook is a cutie; so I'll give her another chance. Let's not give up on Black businesses so fast after one mistake. 💕"

People absolutely loved this dad's humor and clearly stellar parenting skills. Anyone who has sat through a tea party—or any activity with the wee ones—knows that for all of its cuteness, toddler play is an exercise in patience and endurance.

Upworthy shared Kyle's story on our Instagram page and our readers did not disappoint.

Some played right along with the game:

"Starting a restaurant is tough.. give her a chance ❤️❤️"

"I mean, she started a restaurant during a global pandemic, give her a break 😂"

"Is she taking reservations?"

Fans of Paw Patrol had some words:

"Paw Patrol is a must watch so 🤷🏾♀️😂"

"I died at Paw Patrol 🤣🤣🤣 that's my show though. I don't have kids I just watch it just because lmao."

"Paw Patrol break is mandatory. Too cute! ♥️"

Others just gushed over the entire scene:

"Love EVERYTHING about this!! The adorable owner, the customer's humor and the incredible love."

"That's the cutest restaurant owner I've ever seen. The dad's face is priceless! 😂👍❤️"

"LoL the story is funny & beautiful!!! This warms my heart!! This babygirl will grow up to have such a healthy look at men (in any capacity) as long as she & her Daddy keep such a beautiful bond!! Happy Father's Day (early) Keep encouraging her to do her thing and her confidence will continue to soar!! I just love this!! 😍😍😍"

Since that post went viral, Ava and her dad have had some other creative adventures, including building things at Home Depot's free kids weekend workshop:

Will Ava be a restaurant owner, a carpenter, or something totally different when she grows up? Who knows, but with her dad's support, no doubt she'll build success wherever she ends up.

This article originally appeared five years ago and has been updated.

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