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'Your kids do not come first': Texas dad's controversial parenting opinions stir up debate

'Your kids do not come first': Texas dad's controversial parenting opinions stir up debate
via Unsplash

Matt Martin, 28, of Dallas, Texas has created a bit of a stir on the internet for writing a piece on marriage published by Love What Matters. Martin is a performer who wrote, directed, and starred in a 2016 version of "Little Mermaid" and wrote 2018's "Inhumane" starring Michelle Money.

In his piece, the father of young twin boys, stresses that a marriage is between two people (possibly three) and that children should not come first. Martin starts the article by claiming that a marriage is between two people and God and that their relationship should take precedence over all others.

"My Aunt Steph, one of the smartest, most blunt people I know, told me before I got married, 'People say you marry the family too. That's not true. Your marriage is between you two.' I'm not saying your family isn't important. I value my family a lot (not as much as my wife does, but still…). You need them to lean on when life gets hard and to lift you guys up, but I didn't marry her mom and she didn't marry my dad. We had to learn to go to each other first when life threw us curveballs, instead of instinctually going to our parents. We're a family now, and that family comes first."

Martin believes that being married and having children shouldn't prevent you from achieving your personal goals. In fact, our partners are here to support us in achieving them.

Personally, I think this is a very important point in a relationship. If your spouse is a hindrance to you achieving your personal goals instead of a source of support, there may be serious troubles in your relationship.

Our pastor told us in a pre-marital counseling session, that as a couple we'd have goals, and as individuals we would have goals. To succeed as a couple, we would both tackle those goals. Sometimes I would be the captain (like when tackling mine) and sometimes Sara would be. But we'd both be working towards that goal. That's the beauty of marriage. You've got this life partner to raise you up. Like Kim and Kanye.



This is the part that has people talking:

A big humongous monstrosity of a lesson I've learned that I PRAY that all of you will strongly take into consideration, is that your kids do not come first. Our kids are sooo important and are the future and all that fun jazz, but what's best for them is a beautiful example of two people who love each other (and God). Another great thing for them to know is that they are not the center of the universe. Sorry if you're reading this in the future, Jack and Cam and any other children we may have had, but you're not the center of my universe. Sometimes I've wanted you to be really badly, but that's not going to do you any favors, and it won't do me any favors when you leave home (please leave home). You can't put your spouse on the back burner for eighteen years and then say 'Oh, hey, you can be my number one again.'

Here, Martin makes an important point about parenting. He believes that raising children who believe they are the center of the universe is bad for them in the long run. It's true. Children who are raised thinking they should be catered to are going to learn some very hard lessons when they become an adult.

When parents cater to a child's every whim it leads to a sense of entitlement that, as an adult, can result in depression and poor relationships.

The piece stirred up a passionate discussion on the Batdad Facebook page where some agreed that marriage should be the primary relationship in a family, while others think that a child's needs come first.

Some believe that putting your marriage first creates a better environment where children can thrive.

"A marriage needs to come first. An unstable home is detrimental to children's psychological and emotional wellbeing. My spouse and I will make our children wait for our attention of we are having a discussion that is important … I prioritize my marriage and my children flourish and thrive because of it," — Natalie

"I feel like you should put yourself first before your kids. If you aren't in a good place, it will reflect onto everything else," — Christine

While others believe that adults should put their needs second to those of their kids.

"Sanctimonious at best.... my wife and I have always put our children first.... we have love and mutual respect for each other and that will never change! But raising our children will always be a priority because it's a job that transcends anything else.... if you're married to someone who insists that they are a priority over the children you both brought into this world.... is basically selfish ... self absorbed and self centered!" — Jeff

"My kids will always be first. My husband is an adult who can take care of himself and who understands when my kids need me. We still make time to watch movies together and be with each other," — Olivia

You can read Martin's entire piece at Love What Matters.

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Here’s how one nonprofit org is using Adobe to change the world

Adobe empowers nonprofits to fundraise, advocate, and further their missions.

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In 2024, it’s practically impossible to function as a nonprofit without the right digital resources. Nonprofits use computer systems and applications for things like education, fundraising, engaging clients, and communicating with donors. However, with limited funding and expertise, it's often difficult to get the digital tools they need to fully support their missions.

The planet needs nonprofit organizations, and nonprofits need better digital tools. For decades, Adobe has provided nonprofits with the tools they need to fulfill their mission—helping them with everything from social media advocacy to educational videos to graphic design. Now, Adobe is offering the pro version of Adobe Acrobat for Nonprofits, the most requested and comprehensive set of document and e-signature tools, for just $15 per user per year, which represents a 94% annual savings off the regular price. This will make it easier than ever for nonprofits to streamline business processes and increase their impact with engaging educational and fundraising assets – from annual reports, contracts and grant submissions to brochures and white papers.

Keep reading to hear more about how Adobe helped one nonprofit improve efficiencies and giveback potential – and how you can start using Adobe tools today for your organization.

A nonprofit success story

Albert Manero, a mechanical engineer and graduate of the University of Central Florida, founded Limbitless Solutions, Inc., as a passion project in a small lab. Today, Limbitless is celebrating its 10-year anniversary and has grown into an interdisciplinary team based at the University of Central Florida in Orlando that includes 50 interns with nine different fields of expertise. Their mission? To inspire and empower underserved communities through creative, accessible technology.

Manero and his team of experts create bionic, 3D-printed arms for children with limb differences. Combining visual storytelling with art and engineering, the Limbitless team wants children with limb differences to feel included and capable, while at the same time, able to express their personal identity more fully. Developing bionic arms covered in flowers or designed like Iron Man’s armor, kids with these bionic limbs can not only grip objects, hold hands and more, but can feel empowered to be themselves.

Using Adobe to make a difference

Limbitless, like many others, has utilized Adobe for Nonprofits offerings, which gives nonprofit organizations access to Adobe programs at a deeply discounted rate, including access programs like Adobe Illustrator, Adobe Express and Adobe Acrobat as well as Adobe’s 3D tools.

Adobe solutions are the oil that keeps organizations running smoothly behind the scenes. For the grant application and reporting processes, employees at Limbitless have credited Adobe Acrobat with helping the team secure funding and communicating clearly with donors and partners. With Acrobat, they’re able to create, edit, and manage PDF documents that look professional and polished. The company has also transitioned most of its internal documentation to digital formats using Acrobat. This includes everything from design blueprints, brand guidelines, intern contracts, and user manuals for bionic limbs.

Better tech for a better future

In addition to helping day-to-day operations run smoothly, Adobe has also helped bring Limbitless’ mission of inclusion and accessibility outside of office walls.

Using Adobe Express, the fast and easy create-anything app, Limbitless has been able to create quick how-to videos for young patients and their families that showcase how to use their bionic limbs, as well as a series of videos promoting STEAM (science, technology, engineering art and math) education. The company’s Operations, Advocacy, and Logistics team utilizes Express as well, developing content and visual assets for their social media accounts. Recently, Limbitless partnered with the Adobe Express’ Animate Characters team to create six unique, limb-different selectable avatar characters for their educational outreach and social media campaigns.

And Adobe is helping Limbitless empower kids with limb differences, too: Limbitless’ comic series, Bionic Kid, was created using Adobe Illustrator and features a superhero with limb differences who uses a Limbitless prosthetic arm. This inspired a fundraising concept initiated from the idea by a Limbitless prosthetic recipient Zachary Pamboukas, which has been used in fundraising efforts for more bionic arms and has already raised over $20,000.

Inside the organization and out, Adobe is enabling people to reach their full potential, contributing to better nonprofit organizations and, overall, a better world.

Learn more about the new Adobe Acrobat for Nonprofits offering and explore more ways Adobe can help your organization today.

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Sorry, Labradors. After 31 years, America has a new favorite dog.

The American Kennel Club has crowned a new favorite.

via Pixabay

A sad-looking Labrador Retriever

The sweet-faced, loveable Labrador Retriever is no longer America’s favorite dog breed. The breed best known for having a heart of gold has been replaced by the smaller, more urban-friendly French Bulldog.

According to the American Kennel Club, for the past 31 years, the Labrador Retriever was America’s favorite dog, but it was eclipsed in 2022 by the Frenchie. The rankings are based on nearly 716,500 dogs newly registered in 2022, of which about 1 in 7 were Frenchies. Around 108,000 French Bulldogs were recorded in the U.S. in 2022, surpassing Labrador Retrievers by over 21,000.

The French Bulldog’s popularity has grown exponentially over the past decade. They were the #14 most popular breed in 2012, and since then, registrations have gone up 1,000%, bringing them to the top of the breed popularity rankings.

The AKC says that the American Hairless Terrier, Gordon Setter, Italian Greyhound and Anatolian Shepherd Dog also grew in popularity between 2021 and 2022.

The French Bulldog was famous among America’s upper class around the turn of the 20th century but then fell out of favor. Their resurgence is partly based on several celebrities who have gone public with their Frenchie love. Leonardo DiCaprio, Megan Thee Stallion, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, Reese Witherspoon and Lady Gaga all own French Bulldogs.

The breed earned a lot of attention as show dogs last year when a Frenchie named Winston took second place at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show and first in the National Dog Show.

The breed made national news in early 2021 when Gaga’s dog walker was shot in the chest while walking two of her Frenchies in a dog heist. He recovered from his injuries, and the dogs were later returned.

They’ve also become popular because of their unique look and personalities.

“They’re comical, friendly, loving little dogs,” French Bull Dog Club of America spokesperson Patty Sosa told the AP. She said they are city-friendly with modest grooming needs and “they offer a lot in a small package.”

They are also popular with people who live in apartments. According to the AKC, Frenchies don’t bark much and do not require a lot of outdoor exercise.

The French Bulldog stands out among other breeds because it looks like a miniature bulldog but has large, expressive bat-like ears that are its trademark feature. However, their popularity isn’t without controversy. “French bulldogs can be a polarizing topic,” veterinarian Dr. Carrie Stefaniak told the AP.

american kennel club, french bulldog, most popular dog

An adorable French Bulldog

via Pixabay

French Bulldogs have been bred to have abnormally large heads, which means that large litters usually need to be delivered by C-section, an expensive procedure that can be dangerous for the mother. They are also prone to multiple health problems, including skin, ear, and eye infections. Their flat face means they often suffer from respiratory problems and heat intolerance.

Frenchies are also more prone to spine deformations and nerve pain as they age.

Here are the AKC’s top ten most popular dog breeds for 2022.

1 French Bulldogs

2 Labrador Retrievers

3 Golden Retrievers

4 German Shepherd Dogs

5 Poodles

6 Bulldogs

7 Rottweilers

8 Beagles

9 Dachshunds

10 German Shorthaired Pointers


This article originally appeared last year.

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Joy

Couple act out their own Hallmark movie plot, and it's hilariously spot-on

Follow along on Candy Cane and Jack Alltrades' romantic adventure through Mistletoe Pines.

@lillianawilde/TikTok

Follow along on Candy Cane and Jack Alltrades' romantic adventure through Mistletoe Pines.

Tis the season for Hallmark movies—meaning quaint and family-friendly small towns, clumsy meet-cutes between opposite personalities destined to fall in love, and rediscovering the true meaning of Christmas all before the credits roll. But the cheesy predictability of it all is what makes Hallmark Christmas movies so enjoyable to watch. Or, in this case—recreate.

Recently, husband and wife duo Lilliana Wilde and Sean Kolar created their very own Hallmark style movie for TikTok, aptly titled “Under the Mistletoe,” which features every single trope Hallmark fans have come to expect. The biggest achievement of all is that they did it without any meanspiritedness, and instead managed to maintain that quintessential Hallmark charm.

When her car breaks down in a (you guessed it) quaint and family-friendly small town, big city photographer Candice Kane, known professionally as “Candy Cane,” has to rely the ruggedly handsome Jack Alltrades to replace her “combustion coupler” and help her “capture some of the magic” of Mistletoe Pines.

In the span of a little under two-and-a-half minutes, we get a romantic exchange while learning about the "naturally glittery” mistletoe that gives Mistletoe Pines its name, a fall that turns into a dip that almost turns into a kiss, and a now or never moment that causes Candy to give up on her dreams because…love.

But the real pièce de résistance is the moment Jack hands Candy a "mistletoe latte” in a sideways cup, since, as Lilliana explained in the comments, “the cups are always so obviously empty” in Hallmark movies.

Watch:


@liliannawilde Replying to @thosewerethedayss will Candy Cane stay in Mistletoe Pines or will the lights of the big city pull her away from Jack Alltrades? Find out tonight on “Under The Mistletoe” ✨ @Sean Kolar #hallmark #hallmarkmovies #hallmarkchristmasmovies #couplecomedy #husbandwife #marriagehumor #husbandsbelike ♬ original sound - Lilianna Wilde

Ugh. It really is “picture perfect,” made all the more joyful when neither Lilliana nor Sean can keep from giggling.It’s no wonder why it’s spreading like wildfire and gaining a ton of praise on various social media platforms.

“This is like Hallmark for ADHD,” one person wrote on TikTok. “The shorthand version…I love it!”

“The Mistletoe dip was on point!!” added another

Still another joked, “I’m a Netflix executive, we have mailed you a golden retriever and an old pick-up truck.”

And just like Hallmark might repurpose the same actors for subsequent films, Lilliana and Sean have made a couple of other DIY Hallmark movies. One featuring a “small town family pumpkin patch grove farm”:

@liliannawilde Replying to @a 🦋 will Jack and Autumn save the pumpkin patch? but more importantly, will Autum Frost finally melt? @Sean Kolar my husband’s acting like hes in a hallmark movie again lol #hallmark #hallmarkmovies #hallmarkchristmasmovies #couplecomedy #husbandwife #marriagehumor #husbandsbelike ♬ original sound - Lilianna Wilde

And a secret prince…

@liliannawilde Replying to @Kim Shomo part 2! find out if the secret prince will find his princess (and a little bonus singing from sean 🥹) @Sean Kolar ♥️ #hallmarkmovies #hallmark #hallmarkchristmasmovies #greenscreen ♬ original sound - Lilianna Wilde

And a talented golden retriever named Juniper:


@liliannawilde Replying to @soitsstephsantana “A Heart of Gold” on Hallmark tonight lol our favorite co-star yet, the lovely and talented Juniper Rose Tuner lol she was such a good pup and we think she has more hallmark movies in her future 😭 @Sean Kolar @juniper 🍯 #hallmarkmovies #hallmark #hallmarkchannel #marriagehumor #married #marriedlife #couplecomedy #couple ♬ original sound - Lilianna Wilde


But there’s also plenty more non-Hallmark related content that’s just as fun to be found by giving Lilliana and Sean a follow.

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Joy

Someone asked if 80s kids really 'roamed freely.' After 40,000 answers, the truth is clear.

There is definitely some rose-colored nostalgia in these responses, though.

Photo credit: Canva, @othingstodo_com/X

Were 80s childhoods really as feral as they sound?

Ah, the nostalgia of an 80s childhood. If you've ever watched "The Goonies" or "Stranger Things," you've seen how kids of all ages were largely left to their own devices most of the time, parents playing a background role if any role at all. Children went on unsupervised outdoor adventures for hours upon hours, getting into just enough trouble to learn some lessons but not enough to die (usually).

But is that really what childhood in the 80s was like? Were parents really that hands-off? Did kids really roam around freely like the movies and stereotypes portray? Were people really not worried about what the kids were up to when no one knew where they were and no one had cell phones to check in?

Someone asked that very question and the overwhelming response pointed to a clear answer.

Yes, 80s kids really did have childhoods that are hard to imagine now

"Did parents in the 80s really allow their kids to roam freely, or is that just a portrayal seen in movies?" X user OThingstodo asked. Here are the top responses:

"Really. And it was awesome."

"Facts. We are the generation who raised ourselves. There really was a commercial that came on each night asking parents if they knew where their children were. We survived off hose water & anything we perceived as food. (Berries, fruit trees, etc) We were not allowed to sit inside.. if we tried, we'd get loaded down with chores. We truly were the feral generation.. we took no guts, no glory to new heights & feared absolutely nothing. It was amazing times that still, to this day, bring forth a rush of nostalgia at the smallest memory."

"This is so true. And Sometimes we just got to cook our own TV dinners. And our parents did not constantly have to engage us or make sure we weren’t bored."

"Allowed? We were not allowed in the house during the day. We had bikes and friends. There was 3 rules 1: don't get hurt 2: don't be brought home by the police 3: see that light? If it's on you're late and grounded."

"In the summer it was get home when the streetlights come on. Raised on hose water & neglect. It was glorious."

"I used to roam the sewer drains around town with my friends. Just a handful of us and some flashlights."

"Yep. We rode our bikes all over the place exploring reality. We also had unlicensed lemonade stands, and after we sold out, we’d ride up to the store alone to buy snacks alone. We had our own house keys, we stayed home alone after school, and we cooked for ourselves. No one freaked out about it either."

"We left the house after school and they wouldn’t see us until the street lights came on. Didn’t ask us where we had been or what we did either. We were raised on hose water and neglect in the 70’s and 80’s."

"Well into the 90s. They told us to be home for dinner by ___ or before nightfall. They didn't have a clue where we were or really any way of finding out. This was just the norm. ... then cell phones."

"It’s true. Realize that back then, there weren’t cell phones, video games, 24 hour kids TV, etc. You wanted to be with your friends & that was outside, even in winter. Your bike was your prized possession & while there were bad elements then too, it wasn’t like now. Sad."

That last point, "while there were bad elements then too, it wasn't like now" sentiment came up a lot in the responses. Let's dive into that a bit.

It's easy to look at the past through rose-colored glasses

For the most part, everything people said about those 80s childhoods is true, except this: The world was not safer back then. There weren't fewer "bad elements" and there wasn't less crime.

Around the year 2015, articles started coming out about how children were statistically safer than they'd ever been.

In fact, statistically, the 80s were less safe than now by pretty much every measure. Looking at violent rime statistics from 1960 onward shows that the 80s had significantly higher violent crime rates than we've seen in the 2000s. The idea that Gen X childhoods were carefree with nothing to fear is simply wrong. We just weren't aware of everything there was to fear.

Social media and 24-hour cable news networks put scary things in front of our faces all day every day, giving us a skewed perception of reality. And that's not just conjecture—according to Pew Research, Americans tend to think crime is rising even when it's going down. "In 23 of 27 Gallup surveys conducted since 1993, at least 60% of U.S. adults have said there is more crime nationally than there was the year before, despite the downward trend in crime rates during most of that period."

The folks remembering their free-range childhoods as blissful and safe seem to have forgotten that we started our days pouring milk from cartons that had pictures of missing children on them. A few high-profile abductions and murders of children caused a bit of a missing children panic in the U.S, leading President Reagan to sign the Missing Children Act in 1982 and the Missing Children's Assistance Act in 1984, which founded the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.

But "high-profile" in the 80s meant a spot on the nightly national news and a headline in a newspaper. Most crimes were only reported locally, there as no "going viral online" and it was easy to avoid scary news if you wanted to. We live in a totally different world today, but not in the way people think. We're safer by nearly every measure, from car accidents to infectious disease to violent crime. But we feel less safe, which directly affects how we parent our children.

There was indeed magic in our blissful ignorance

There's something to be said for being unaware of every bad thing that's happening in the world. We may have been less safe in the 80s in actuality, but not knowing that had its perks.

The question is, can we put the genie back in the bottle? Is it possible to give kids an 80s-style childhood in the age of ubiquitous screens and parents being arrested for letting their tweens walk less than a mile from home by themselves?

Societal expectations of what kids can and should do have changed drastically, as have levels of anxiety and fear in general. Parenting styles have shifted toward more involvement and greater attachment, which isn't bad in and of itself but can be taken to an extreme. The neglectful parenting style of the past wasn't ideal and neither is the overprotective style the pendulum swung to.

If we could somehow find a way to give kids the joy of unstructured outdoor exploration of the 80s and the stronger parent-child connections of the present, we might just hit the sweet spot of raising healthy kids. Perhaps the next generation of parents will figure it out.

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People's lives were changed by these 13 simple 'game-changing' therapist insights

"Everyone gets one life. They don't get yours, too."

via Canva/Photos

A therapist consoling her client.

You often see people have major breakthroughs with their therapists in movies such as “Ordinary People” (1980) or “Good Will Hunting” (1987). In these stories, sage wisdom from their therapists completely changes their lives and sets them on a new trajectory.

But do these things really happen? Can the average person have a complete psychological turnaround after a few therapy sessions or one incredible nugget of wisdom that completely changes their lives?

Do people have breakthroughs in therapy?

According to Danny Seto, a Registered Psychotherapist and Registered Marriage and Family Therapist, breakthroughs happen but are rare. "A breakthrough isn't a myth, and it can happen for some people, but for most people, it wouldn't happen like that," he told Inkblot Therapy. "There would be multiple steps leading up to it."

If people have a breakthrough in therapy, it doesn’t mean they are magically cured. It’s more of a turning point where someone begins to work on significant changes. Karen Oliver, a clinical associate professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University, says, “A breakthrough moment is not the last step in therapy; it’s actually a very important beginning to middle step.”



People recently shared the game-changing insights their therapist shared with them on Reddit, and what’s interesting is that the wisdom is simple but powerful. Hopefully, they took that wisdom, put it into action, and made big changes to their lives.

Here are 13 that are the most profound.

1. One life to live

"Everyone gets one life. They don't get yours, too."

2. You belong

"You’re allowed to take up space.’ It hit me hard—I never realized how much I was shrinking myself to fit into others’ expectations.'
"A really important step for me was realizing that I'm not a person who doesn't belong causing trouble by being in everyone's way everywhere I go, I am in fact just another person going about their daily life. I have just as much right to cross the street or go to the grocery store as anyone else."

3. The procrastination cure

"I had a massive procrastination issue when it came to my uni assignments, to the point where I wouldn’t even hand some in, but somehow always did well in group assessments. This was how that conversation went:
'So you struggle in lone assignments?'
'Yes.'
'But not in group assignments?'
'Yes, I don’t want to let my teammates down.'
'But it’s okay if you let yourself down.'
She said that last thing like a fact, not a question, and it really opened my eyes to how low my self-esteem was. I saw nothing wrong with failing myself."



4. Boundaries give you power

"Something that I learned in training to become a therapist: boundaries are for you, not for other people. So that means you don't say 'you can't do that!' you have to say 'if you do that, I will xxxx' (leave, hang up, block, tell someone else - whatever). This stops the nearly impossible attempts at controlling others' behavior and gives you all the power."

"I was once told, 'It is your responsibility to communicate your boundaries and to enforce them. It is not your responsibility for how other people react to them.'"

5. Everyone is thinking about themselves

"'People are self-involved and don't really care that much about what you do.' This is in response to me feeling like I will be judged by others for every thing I do and every decision I make. I later read a quote, "you are the extra is everyone else's life." If I make mundane mistakes or don't do something perfectly, people likely won't really notice or if they don't they probably won't think about it for very long."

6. Your feelings are valid

"Mine said, 'You're allowed to feel what you feel without justifying it to anyone, including yourself.' It hit me like a ton of bricks."



7. Stop making excuses for your parents

"'Your parents failed you. You don't have to keep giving them grace for the things they did to you.'" I always made excuses for my parents and how they treated me, both growing up and as an adult. It turns out that my therapist at the time saw straight through that. It changed my perspective on my relationship with them completely."

"Your parents know how to push your buttons because they’re the ones who installed them."

8. Compromise is mutual

“Compromise means meeting in the middle. If the other person doesn’t do their half of the work, stop doing that work for them.”

9. Negative thoughts

"To approach my negative thoughts in a neutral way. Whenever they popped up, to just be like 'okay, that's nice' and neither try and escape the thoughts nor dwell on them. Just acknowledge they exist and then move on. It surprisingly helped me so much. My therapist used a lot of visual analogies- my favorite ones were negative thoughts being like clouds that just pass by for a moment in the sky and myself being a detached, neutral observer."

10. Now or not now

"Less serious than some other answers, but while talking to my therapist about ADHD task avoidance, he said, 'It's either now, or not now,' insinuating that if it's not now, it will keep being 'not now,' until it is 'now.' That helped me a lot with getting tasks done as I think of them rather than putting it off until I feel like doing it."

"Don’t put it down, put it away. Helped me to be less cluttered/ stop losing so many things."



11. Like a child

"That you can look at yourself like your child, you wouldn't hold grudges against them and would always support them even if they fail or do something bad."

12. Fake it 'til you make it

"Isn't pretending to be a good person kinda the same as being a good person?"

"That is legitimately how I rationalized that feeling for myself. I'm doing everyone a favor and choosing to be nice when I could be mean. That means I'm nice."

13. Mind your mind

“'Just because a thought pops into your head doesn’t make it true.' I didn’t realize how often I let negative self-talk control my actor mood until they pointed this out. Learning to question my thoughts instead of accepting them at face value was a huge mindset shift."

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Man's 'spotting ADHD in women in 25 seconds' trick is creating an emotional response

"As I listened I started laughing because you're literally describing me, then I started crying because you're literally describing me."

Photo credit: Canva

Man's trick to spotting ADHD in women is creating an emotional response

ADHD can be debilitating at times. Sure, people make it out to be some cutesy condition where they forget things or hyper-focus on a hobby for days before moving on to something else. But there's more to the disorder than forgetfulness and a messy bedroom so when it's downplayed or placed in the category of just being quirky it's easy for those who have it to feel misunderstood and unseen.

This is especially true for women because ADHD presents differently in them and symptoms can fluctuate throughout the month due to hormone changes. Many girls are not diagnosed with the disorder until well into womanhood due to the uncharacteristic presentation though change is occurring to catch the diagnosis before girls reach adulthood.

Alex Partridge, the founder of LADBible and UNILAD is an adult with ADHD and hosts a podcast called ADHD Chatter. Recently he shared a video explaining how to spot ADHD in women in less than 30 seconds and the response was an emotional fire hydrant. The short clip, quickly goes through some key manifestations of ADHD in women and it's quite accurate.

Giphy

"They will overthink everything. That's because the hyperactivity is in their heads. It's like five squirrels on speed barreling around up there and it never stops, ever. And this will cause a lot of anxiety which is why so many women were misdiagnosed with an anxiety disorder," Partridge starts the video.

ADDitude Magazine writes women have, "a subtle symptom presentation with a greater likelihood of inattentiveness marks the ADHD experience for many women and girls, who are not outwardly disruptive to others," before adding. "Research shows that women are highly motivated to hide their ADHD symptoms and compensate for them. The symptoms that are observable are often anxiety or mood-related, which can lead to misdiagnosis."

Inside Out Hello GIF by Disney PixarGiphy

The video hits on some key components of ADHD in women like the tendency to overshare, becoming overwhelmed over seemingly small things but managing well in crisis situations. Partridge even mentions difficulty maintaining friendships due to lacking object permanence, which is extremely common and adds to the forgetfulness experienced in ADHD.

Someone who has ADHD maintaining a friendship with someone who doesn't likely leads to a lot of hurt feelings because if that person moves out of their recent call or text log, they essentially no longer exist. This isn't because the person with ADHD doesn't want to maintain connection or doesn't think their friendship is important, it is due to the reminder of that person no longer being in their eyesight. Lack of effective object permanence is also the reason if things are put away, like fruit in a fridge drawer, they're often forgotten because they're not seen.

- YouTubeyoutube.com

Partridge says about women with ADHD, "they will spend their life feeling like they're constantly just barely staying above water. They'll wish they could go back in time, put their arms around a younger version of themselves and reassure them that everything is going to be okay and that they're not broken, just different."

Women responded to his video with tears and feelings of being seen, not judged, with one woman sharing, "as I listened I started laughing because you're literally describing me, then I started crying because you're literally describing me."

Sad Cry GIFGiphy

Another writes, "I actually cried watching this because no one has ever perfectly described my inner world in less than 30 seconds."

One woman shares, "Wow. Just wow. So accurate. I beat myself up all the time because I have realized the telling a similar story is perceived as me wanting to "take over" or "make it all about me" when my whole life I have meant it to show empathy. It makes me feel ashamed. But I have good intentions when I do that. Thank you for acknowledging that."

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