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Believe it or not, there was a very real global 'pandemic of benevolence' in 2021

People are helping one another more than they were before the pandemic began.

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The World Happiness Report has good news about the state of humanity's humanity.

If you spend any amount of time on certain social media sites, you might think the world has fully plunged into hell-in-a-handbasket territory. (Looking at you here, Twitter.) Viral videos of bad behavior have swept through our feeds with alarming regularity over the past few years. Even just perusing headlines may lead you to believe humanity has lost its humanity, that people are generally terrible to each other and that the partisan polarization that now dominates the political landscape has created a hopeless, toxic toilet full of division and hate.

We're obviously not all singing around the campfire before skipping off into the sunset together, but is humanity really doomed to not care about one another?

Nope. Not even a little bit.

In fact, the perception that things have gotten worse isn't grounded in reality at all, at least not according to the data.

Since 2012, the World Happiness Report has been compiled by the UN's Sustainable Development Solutions Network. Using data from Gallup World Poll, the report shares rankings of happiness based on how respondents rank their own life and on various quality-of-life factors in countries around the world.

You're probably wondering what the happiest country in the world is, so let's get that out of the way. It's Finland, for the fifth year in a row. (And yes, the Scandanavian countries were all in the top eight. Some things are just a given at this point.)

This year's report also included sections that specifically analyzed how life has changed during the 2020 and 2021 COVID-19 pandemic, comparing data over the last five years to see the impact the pandemic has had on people in various circumstances. One element the researchers analyzed was benevolence, as measured in "prosocial behaviour" such as donating to causes, doing volunteer work and helping strangers.

The verdict? We're not getting worse. We're getting better.

The conclusion of the report states:

"Although our three measures of prosocial behaviour—donations, volunteering and helping strangers—had differing levels and trends, all showed increases in 2021 in every global region, often at remarkable rates not seen for any of the variables we have tracked before and during the pandemic.

Global benevolence, as measured by the average of the three measures of prosocial behaviour, has increased remarkably in 2021, up by almost 25% of its pre-pandemic level, led by the helping of strangers, but with strong growth also in donations and volunteering."

Benevolence is up by almost 25% over pre-pandemic levels. Who would've guessed?

I shared this report with my teen and young adult daughters and both responded with surprise. We've talked about how social media and media in general can skew our perceptions of things, so it was nice to have some data-driven evidence to back that up.

People being less benevolent, not more, isn't the only skewed perception many of us gotten during the pandemic. I've heard countless people lament the mental health crisis posed by pandemic lockdowns, citing a huge spike in suicides as supposed evidence. Except there was no spike in suicides. In fact, suicides overall went down during 2020 after the pandemic hit.

When we pay too much attention to viral negativity and outrage, we don't get an accurate picture of what's happening overall around the world. I'm not saying we should quit social media altogether, but I do think we need to take news and stories and videos and everyone's thoughts about them with a grain of salt. It's just far too easy to walk away from a scrolling session with the impression that humanity sucks, when the reality is more people are helping one another.

The World Happiness Report summed up the hope we can find in the data quite beautifully:

"The COVID-19 pandemic starting in 2020 has led to a 2021 pandemic of benevolence with equally global spread. All must hope that the pandemic of benevolence will live far beyond COVID-19. If sustainable, this outpouring of kindness provides grounds for hope and optimism in a world needing more of both."

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Family

Mom explains the common Boomer parenting style that still affects many adults today

Many are relieved to finally have a term for this experience.

Photo by Monstera Production

“What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”

There are certainly many things the Boomer parents generally did right when raising their kids. Teaching them the importance of manners and respect. That actions do, in fact, have consequences. That a little manners go a long way…all of these things are truly good values to instill in kids.

But—and we are speaking in broad strokes here—being able to openly discuss difficult feelings was not one of the skills passed down by this generation. And many Gen X and millennial kids can sadly attest to this.

This is why the term “dishonest harmony” is giving many folks of this age group some relief. They finally have a term to describe the lack of emotional validation they needed throughout childhood for the sake of saving face.

In a video posted to TikTok, a woman named Angela Baker begins by saying, “Fellow Gen X and millennials, let's talk about our parents and their need for dishonest harmony.”

Barker, who thankfully did not experience this phenomenon growing up, but says her husband “certainly” did, shared that when she’s tried to discuss this topic, the typical response she’d get from Boomers would be to “Stop talking about it. We don't need to hear about it. Move on. Be quiet.”

And it’s this attitude that’s at the core of dishonest harmony.

“What that’s showing is their lack of ability to handle the distress that they feel when we talk openly about uncomfortable things,” she says. “What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”


@parkrosepermaculture Replying to @Joe Namath #boomerparents #toxicparent #harmony #genx #millennial #badparenting #conflict #nocontact ♬ original sound - Parkrose Permaculture


“Keep quiet about these hard issues. Suppress your pain, suppress your trauma. Definitely don't talk openly about it so that you can learn to heal and break the cycle,” she continues. “What matters most is that we have the appearance of harmony, even if there's nothing harmonious under the surface.”

Barker concludes by theorizing that it was this need to promote a certain facade that created most of the toxic parenting choices of that time period.

“The desire of boomer parents to have this perception that everything was sweet and hunky dory, rather than prioritizing the needs of their kids, is what drove a lot of the toxic parenting we experienced.”

Barker’s video made others feel so seen, as clearly indicated by the comments.

“How did I not hear about dishonest harmony until now? This describes my family dynamic to a T. And if you disrespect that illusion, you are automatically labeled as the problem. It’s frustrating,” one person wrote.

“THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm a 49 yo biker sitting in my bedroom crying right now. You just put a name to my darkness!” added another

Many shared how they were refusing to repeat the cycle.

One wrote, “This is EXACTLY my family dynamic. I’m the problem because I won’t remain quiet. Not anymore. Not again.”

“I love when my kids tell me what I did wrong. It gives me a chance to acknowledge and apologize. Everyone wants to be heard,” said another.

Of course, no parenting style is perfect. And all parents are working with the current ideals of the time, their own inner programming and their inherent need to course correct child raising problems of the previous generation. Gen Alpha parents will probably cringe at certain parenting styles currently considered in vogue. It’s all part of the process.

But hopefully one thing we have learned as a collective is that true change happens when we summon the courage to have difficult conversations.


This article originally appeared on 7.16.24

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Teacher of the year explains why he's leaving district in unforgettable 3-minute speech

"I'm leaving in hopes that I can regain the ability to do the job that I love."

Lee Allen

For all of our disagreements in modern American life, there are at least a few things most of us can agree on. One of those is the need for reform in public education. We don't all agree on the solutions but many of the challenges are undeniable: retaining great teachers, reducing classroom size and updating the focus of student curriculums to reflect the ever-changing needs of a globalized workforce.

And while parents, politicians and activists debate those remedies, one voice is all-too-often ignored: that of teachers themselves.

This is why a short video testimony from a teacher in the Atlanta suburb of Gwinnett County went viral. After all, it's hard to deny the points made by someone who was just named teacher of the year and used the occasion to announce why he will be leaving the very school district that just honored him with that distinction.

In a video carried by Fox5 Atlanta, 2022 Gwinnett County Public Schools Teacher of the Year Lee Allen breaks down what he sees as the overriding problems in the county's school system. While his comments are specific to that of Gwinnett County, it's virtually impossible to not see the overlap across all of America and how the problems have become exponentially more challenging as students have migrated back to in-person learning.

"At the end of this year, I will be leaving Gwinnett County Schools, leaving behind the opportunity to submit for state teacher of the year, roughly $10,000 in salary, and most importantly, the students and colleagues I've built strong relationships with," Allen, a math teacher at Lawrenceville's Archer High School, says at the beginning of his remarks. "I'm leaving in hopes that I can regain the ability to do the job that I love."

Normally, one might assume teacher pay is the overriding issue for educators like Allen. But he makes it clear that he is, in fact, leaving money on the table to avoid what he deems as unacceptable changes to the student body and how the district manages its teachers and the learning environment. Here are his main grievances, in order:

  • "First issue at hand is student apathy and disrespect for school rules and norms. … We have an alarming number of students that simply do not care about learning and refuse to even try."
  • "We are also experiencing incredible disrespect and refusal to follow basic school rules. There is little to no accountability or expectation for grades or behavior placed on students or parents. Rather than being asked what the student can do to improve their understanding, teachers are expected to somehow do more with less student effort."
  • Cell phone use. Teachers simply cannot compete with the billions of dollars tech companies pour into addicting people to their devices. Phones allow constant communication, often being the spark that fuels fights, drug use and other inappropriate meetups throughout the day. We need a comprehensive district plan with support behind it in order to combat this epidemic and protect the learning environment."
  • "Lastly, there is a huge disconnect between administrators and teachers. The classroom in 2022 is drastically different from just three years ago. Most administrators have not been in a classroom full-time in years or even decades. Many teachers do not feel understood, valued or trusted as professionals from administrators and the decisions that they make."

While Allen points fingers at administrators and student behavior, he also says that the pressures put on both students and teachers alike by COVID-19 had a catastrophic impact on learning. "The pandemic has acted as a catalyst and turned a slow negative trend into an exponential crisis," he says.

But he also offers some solutions, stating, "I won't list complaints without offering ideas for improvement."

  • All administrators should spend at least one week in a high needs classroom, "without a suit, without people knowing your title and in the same room, all day, for an entire week."
  • Prioritizing smaller class sizes.
  • Greater transparency from the district in terms of needs and expectations and goals.

"We all want the same thing and we cannot accomplish this without supporting one another," he says near the end of his remarks.

With more than 400,000 views already, it's clear his remarks resonated with people not just inside his school district.

There's almost nothing more important than how we educate our children. And while the national political debate centers on areas of far less importance generated to gin up controversy and campaign fundraising, it's families and local leaders who will need to do the heavy lifting of reprioritizing the fundamental principles of learning and leadership if we want an American educational system that can compete on the global stage in 2022 and beyond. After all, when literal award-winning educators like Allen are walking away, it's clear something more needs to be done.


This article originally appeared on 6.28.22

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Salesman shares the 2 phrases that will make salespeople leave you alone when shopping

"I'm just looking," doesn't work.

via Antoni Shkraba/Pexels

A salesman selling a car to a skeptical woman.

It can be intimidating to be approached by a salesperson when making a big purchase, such as a car or an appliance. They can swoop in like sharks, seeing blood in the water and some refuse to leave you alone, even if you say, “I’m just looking.”

TikTok's @RussFlipsWhips is a car salesman who went viral with a video explaining why “I’m just looking” doesn’t work on a car lot and providing more effective phrases you can use instead.

"There's two main reasons, and here's what you should say instead of 'I'm just looking,'" he said in a video with over 345,000 views. “One is, we hear it every single day. So when somebody tells me, ‘I’m just looking,’ I’m so used to hearing that, I almost like brush it off and ignore it because I’m like, ‘That’s what the customer’s supposed to say.’ “Secondly, every car salesman has had a customer say, ‘I’m just looking,’ and we ended up selling them a car."


Instead, Russell suggests you say: "Hey, I’d really like to look alone. Can I please have your business card?" or “I’m really not in the market for a car.”


@russflipswhips

Replying to @SoyPablo This is what I would say #carsales #carsalesman #cardealership #carbuyingtips

The post received funny responses from folks who may not qualify for a loan. “The ‘I have 2 repos and no money down' line works wonders,’” one TikToker joked. “I just tell them my credit score and they run,” another added.

In the end, Russell’s suggestions show that sometimes, the best way to get our point across is to be direct and honest. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to shop alone and if the salesperson can respect that request, they deserve the sale if you decide to buy something.


This article originally appeared on 7.16.24

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School shooting survivor delivers heartbreaking performance on 'America's Got Talent'

She honored her community in a big way.

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A beautiful tribute to those taken too soon.

Sometimes the best part about watching “America’s Got Talent” isn’t seeing extraordinary performances—it’s witnessing extraordinary courage.

In 2022, 18-year-old Ava Swiss displayed both talent and courage with her breathtaking rendition of “Remember” by Lauren Daigle. Swiss’ vocal chops and stage presence were certainly enough to make a lasting impression. But the reason behind her song choice made it all the more impactful.

“I chose this song because back on November 30, my brother and I were a part of the Oxford school shooting,” Swiss told judge Simon Cowell. “We lost four of our students, and seven others were injured, one of which was a teacher.”

In an exclusive interview with People, Swiss shared that she had been close friends with 17-year-old Justin Shilling, one of the four students killed. The trauma of such loss and surviving a harrowing (though sadly, not unimaginable) experience made the thought of going back to school seem impossible.

“It’s been hard. I remember my brother and I, we were talking to each other, and we said, ‘There’s no way we’re ever stepping foot back in the school,’” she told the judges.

The high school senior’s audition had been filmed prior to the recent series of public shootings across America. It’s heartbreaking that these tragedies have become so common, no question.

But as Swiss demonstrates, resilience can be immensely healing. Swiss added that she and her brother had been back at school for about two months … all before singing so powerfully she was met with a standing ovation.

Mandel told her. “The fact that you can break through that, and shine the way you did today, is so inspirational for every human being.”

This was, of course, before receiving a unanimous “yes” to move onto the next round of the competition.

If the resounding praise from all four judges wasn’t enough, fellow students of Oxford High sent a flood of loving comments to the video posted on YouTube as well. One student wrote:

“Hi another student from Oxford high school, this performance will stay on repeat in my head for years to come. It was extraordinary and so beautiful it gave me chills down to the bone. This was something I didn’t know I needed, it made me cry a lot but also gave me a lot of strength. I’m so proud of our community and of Ava for sharing her voice with us and the world and making our healing process a little less rough. Stay strong Oxford.”

It’s not easy to get up on stage and bare your soul, especially after trauma. Swiss’ performance was a big win before she hit a single note.


This article originally appeared on 7.29.22

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George Carlin's brilliant 'whiny Boomer' rant was decades ahead of its time

This might be the original and best "OK Boomer" mic drop.

"OK Boomer" is a catchphrase that has come to perfectly encapsulate the generational divide in modern American politics. It has also led to some moments of pure comedy gold.

But it turns out that one of the great all-time standup comedic minds was literally decades ahead of the game when it came to dragging Boomers for selfish, hypocritical, and entitled behavior. In his 1996 stand up special "Back in Town" George Carlin devoted a glorious two minutes and twenty-seven seconds to putting Boomers in their place.

"A lot of these cultural crimes I'm complaining about can be blamed on the Baby Boomers," Carlin says, beginning what would become a now legendary rant.

"I'm getting tired of hearing about Boomers," Carlin continues. "Whiny, narcissistic, self-indulgent people with a simple philosophy: 'GIMME IT, IT'S MINE!' 'GIMME THAT, IT'S MINE!' These people were given everything. Everything was handed to them. And they took it all: sex, drugs, and rock and roll, and they stayed loaded for 20 years and had a free ride."

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"But now they're staring down the barrel of middle-age burnout, and they don't like it. So they've turned self-righteous. They want to make things harder on younger people. They tell 'em, abstain from sex, say no to drugs; as for the rock and roll, they sold that for television commercials a long time ago...so they could buy pasta machines and Stairmasters and soybean futures."

Or, as one person on Reddit commented on Carlin's video: "My feeling about baby-boomers is that they were one of the first generations to really adulate and idolize the idea of youth, and youth empowerment but when they themselves reach senior ages their own ideas were working against them so they changed to demonizing youth."

But Carlin wasn't done there. He says the Boomers have not only become hypocrites, they turned their own generational shift into cutthroat, corporate catchphrases that guilt and shame others who don't comport to their world view.

"You know something? They are cold, bloodless people," Carlin says.

"These people went from 'Do Your Own Thing' to 'Just Say No.' They went from 'Love is All You Need' to 'Whoever Winds Up With the Most Toys, Wins.' And they went from cocaine to Rogaine."

Carlin's bit concludes in epic fashion with an all-encompassing take down that applies to, well, literally everyone. But the next time you hear a Boomer ridiculing young people or defending their own legacy, just show them this clip and remind them that Boomer criticism is something that transcends age, gender or race. Heck, even if you're from the Boomer generation, this clip is just too good to not enjoy and share.

This article originally appeared on 02.20.20

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