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Parenting

She got a nasty note on her car for parking in a disabled spot. Her response is a vital read.

Not all disabilities are visible.

motherhood, disabled parking, culture, parenting
Emma Doherty/Facebook

A nasty note gets a strong response.

We've all seen it while cruising for spots in a busy parking lot: A person parks their whip in a disabled spot, then they walk out of their car and look totally fine. It's enough to make you want to vomit out of anger, especially because you've been driving around for what feels like a million years trying to find a parking spot.

You're obviously not going to confront them about it because that's all sorts of uncomfortable, so you think of a better, way less ballsy approach: leaving a passive aggressive note on their car's windshield.

Satisfied, you walk back to your car feeling proud of yourself for telling that liar off and even more satisfied as you walk the additional 100 steps to get to the store from your lame parking spot all the way at the back of the lot. But did you ever stop and wonder if you told off the wrong person?


What if that person on the receiving end of the note had a perfectly good explanation for why they're driving car with a disabled sticker and tag?

That's exactly what happened to Emma Doherty, who was surprised to see someone pen such vitriolic words to her in this letter she found on her car.

The language in the note is pretty harsh:

"You lazy conning b-tch. You did not have a disabled person with you! These spaces are reserved for people who need them!!!"

I get that avoiding conflict is something that's been trained into us, but maybe if whoever wrote this note decided to say something to Emma, this entire thing could've been cleared up entirely.

Instead, she had to take to Facebook to pick apart the anonymous grouch and explain her situation to the rest of us. And hopefully whoever wrote the note (if they see her post) understands why they were terribly wrong.

Emma is the mother of a terminally ill child, Bobby. Her ruthless and powerful message sheds light on the misconceptions associated with disabilities and helps to break the stigma that all impairments are visible, because they're not.

"To the person who put this on my car, which I had put my disabled badge fully on, I'm not angry at your pure ignorance, I'm actually upset with it. How dare you ever accuse anyone of not needing a disabled badge without knowing. I wish you had the balls to say this to my face and I would have told you (even tho I don't need to explain myself to the likes of you) but I'd have happily said why I have a badge."

"I promise to get the stigma away from people with disabled badges who don't "look disabled." I hope this gets shared and back to you and you will see my son is terminally ill, he's had over 15 operations, 3 open hearts, 2 stomach, lung and diaphragm and countless artery stenting operations and spent half his life on intensive care."

respect, community, disabilities, visible disability

Emma Doherty and her son Bobby.

SOURCE: FACEBOOK

In her post, she delineates the severity of Bobby's illness, which has put the young man through multiple surgeries and procedures that are no walks in the park.

"He's had 2 strokes and was paralyzed, brain damaged and has a spine and hip condition as well as a massive heart condition. The reason I didn't get his wheelchair out was because I was running late because my son, who had a MRI scan, CTSCAN and a dye for heart function yesterday, only got discharged late and was back in this morning so carried him in."

"But for your information not everyone who holds a blue badge needs to have a wheelchair! I've told ... security and broke down, I've sat through things nobody should see but why did your note break me? Because it's your pure ignorance towards others. I'm a single mom trying my best to hold it together for my son who's in and out if hospital. NOT ALL DISABILITIES ARE VISIBLE and I hope you regret doing this and learn your lesson!”

Throughout her post, Emma simultaneously castigates the person and drives one important point home: Just because someone isn't in a wheelchair or crutches, doesn't mean they aren't disabled or in need of physical care or assistance.

I knew something would be said one day as every day I get looks and stares and see people whispering to each other about me and Bobby walking from the car. Everyone needs to stop and think before acting. I hardly ever let anything upset me but this did. How aggressive as well, and as for conning my son's disabled pass... [It] is not a con, he's actually seriously ill. I've added a picture of him to prove not everyone looks ill or disabled but can be seriously ill.

The mother clarifies at the end of the message that she's sure it wouldn't be a hospital staff member who wrote the message, because those who work in healthcare are well aware of the various reasons someone would have a disabled tag on their vehicle.

"I'd like to point out this has nothing to do with the hospital itself. They were lovely with me when I was upset and they treat us with every respect, always have [in our] 3 long years with them. They've saved my son's life many times. It [was] just somebody who was parked [there].”

Her post quickly went viral, with many people echoing her sentiments and thanking her for helping to clear up that tons of people suffer from different disabilities and that not all of them are so readily apparent.

SOURCE: FACEBOOK

And as it turns out, Emma isn't the only parent who's dealt with judgmental individuals who gave them flack for having a disabled sticker on their car. As if having to deal with a sick child isn't enough, they also have to suffer through getting guff from randos on the street over a measly parking spot.

SOURCE: FACEBOOK

Bobby's condition has left him without pulmonary artery function, which means that blood will not pump throughout his body. As you can imagine, walking long distances — or performing many physical tasks otherwise healthy individuals take for granted — are out of the question for the 3-year-old.

As a result of her son's condition, Emma has to take him to the hospital for treatments throughout the week, and seeing the note on her car while having to deal with that ultimately set her off. Thankfully, she used her anger to send a positive message.

Floored by the positive response to her message, Emma went back online to thank people for being so receptive and helping to spread awareness that disabilities come in many forms.


"My inbox is full of people who have told me they have been stared at or even spat at. This is a serious problem and I just want it to change. I am hoping by sharing what I went through people will start to think before acting."



This article first appeared five years ago.


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Education

She fell in love with endangered porpoises at age 7. Now, she's on a mission to save the ocean.

True

When Rachel Heimke was seven, she realized what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. Little did she know a $40,000 BigFuture Scholarship would help her pursue her dreams.

Heimke and her parents were living an unconventional lifestyle, to say the least. The summer after she completed first grade, she and her parents boarded a sailboat and sailed from their hometown in Alaska down the Pacific Coast. The family would spend the next two years traveling on the water, passing Mexico and then sailing across the world to Australia before returning home. It was on the sailboat, watching whales and dolphins breach the water under their boat, that Heimke realized her life’s purpose.

“I was really obsessed with these little porpoises called Vaquitta, who only live in one tiny area of water off the coast of Mexico,” she recalled. “When I learned about them as a kid, there were only 22 left in the wild. Now, there are only ten.” Despite her interest, Heimke was never able to actually see any Vaquitta on her trip, both because of their inherent shyness and because they were so critically endangered due to detrimental fishing policies in the area. “That was my wakeup call,” she says. “I’ll probably never be able to see this porpoise, and I don’t want that to be true of other species.”

Now a young woman of 23, Heimke is realizing her childhood dream of ocean conservation by recently graduating with a Bachelor’s degree in ocean sciences and enrolling in a grad program in Canada to study science communication. Heimke is well on her way to achieving her childhood dream—but she acknowledges that none of this would have been possible without her ocean adventures as a child, the support of her parents, and significant financial support.

At 18, when Heimke was deciding where to study ocean sciences, she stumbled upon an opportunity from BigFuture, College Board's free college and career planning site. The opportunity was the BigFuture Scholarship, which provided students the chance to win a $40,000 scholarship by completing six action items on the website. Heimke was intrigued, since she didn’t need to provide an essay, her GPA, or any test scores to enter. Her eligibility was also not tied to citizenship status or family income, so she decided to give it a shot.

“One of the action items was just going on the BigFuture site and creating a list of colleges I was interested in,” said Heimke. Another item required her to apply for financial aid through FAFSA—something Heimke was planning to do anyway. Every completed action item gave students more chances to win the scholarship, so Heimke completed all six action items quickly.

Months later, Heimke’s parents ushered her over to a call over Zoom, where she met a BigFuture representative who had some surprising news: She was one of 25 students who had won the $40,000 BigFuture college scholarship. Each year she would receive $10,000 in scholarship funding, which would cover her entire tuition bill for all four years of schooling.

“That experience taught me that it’s really important to not give up on your goals and just go for opportunities,” said Heimke. “I never thought I would win anything, but I’ve learned it's worth applying anyway. Even a small scholarship of $1,000 can pay your rent for a month,” she said. “And If you write an essay that takes an hour and you win $5,000, that’s probably the most money per hour you’ll ever make in your life.”

The tuition money made it possible for her to attend college, and for her to apply to graduate school immediately afterward without any financial burdens.

“Now that I’m in graduate school and paying for rent and a phone bill and graduate school tuition, it’s truly a blessing to not have student loan debt on top of that,” Heimke said. Because of the BigFuture scholarship, Heimke doesn’t need to pay for her graduate program either—she’s able to fund her education with the money her parents saved by not having to pay for her undergraduate degree.

One of the biggest blessings, Heimke said, was not needing to delay graduate school to work or find extra funds. With climate change worsening, entering the workforce becomes increasingly important over time.

“I’m not sure exactly what I’ll do with my degrees, but I hope to have a lot of different jobs that ultimately will work toward saving our ocean,” she said.

As a child, witnessing marine life up close and personal was life-changing. Heimke’s goal is for future generations to have that experience, as she did.

To learn more and get started, visit bigfuture.org/scholarships.

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Science

MIT’s trillion-frames-per-second camera can capture light as it travels

"There's nothing in the universe that looks fast to this camera."

photo from YouTube|Nova50

Photographing the path of light.

A new camera developed at MIT can photograph a trillion frames per second (fps).

Compare that with a traditional movie camera which takes a mere 24fps. This new advancement in photographic technology has given scientists the ability to photograph the movement of the fastest thing in the Universe: light.

The actual event occurred in a nano second—that is one billionth of a second—but the camera has the ability to slow it down to twenty seconds.

time, science, frames per second, bounced light

The amazing camera.

Photo from YouTube|Nova50

For some perspective, according to New York Times writer John Markoff, "If a bullet were tracked in the same fashion moving through the same fluid, the resulting movie would last three years."


In the video below, you'll see experimental footage of light photons traveling 600-million-miles-per-hour through water.

It's impossible to directly record light, so the camera takes millions of scans to recreate each image. The process has been called "femto-photography" and according to Andreas Velten, a researcher involved with the project, "There's nothing in the universe that looks fast to this camera."


This article originally appeared seven years ago.

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Health

Woman with 'ideal body type' reveals she has health condition often associated with obesity

Being thin doesn't mean you're fit or healthy.

Photo credit: Canva

Woman with 'ideal body type' says she's obese on the inside.

There's often this idea that permeates American culture that people who are visibly overweight by societal standards are unhealthy. This places a lot of emphasis on strangers' body shapes and types without any additional medical knowledge on the person being placed into the category of "unhealthy." The same sort of categorization happens with thin people but in the opposite direction.

Thin people are often placed in the "healthy" category by strangers they may encounter based solely on their physical appearance. Since there's less stigma around being thin, many naturally thin people may be unaware of the health risks they're silently facing. But in reality, no one can tell anyone's health or fitness status by looking at them. People who appear overweight may be very physically fit and in excellent health, while someone who is thin may be struggling with health issues designated to be an "overweight" person's problem.

Stef, a meditation teacher, recently revealed to her audience that she learned she is pre-diabetic at the age of 37. What people may be surprised to know is, Stef is pretty thin. Looking at the mom you would assume given her profession and appearance she would be a fairly healthy person, but it turns out she doesn't do any physical exercise to maintain her health.

dieting saturday night live GIF by HULUGiphy

In a video shared to Stef's social media account, she says, "This is not a flex. I am pretty thin, see this," as she turns in the camera to show her petite frame. "I'm pre-diabetic."

The mom goes on to share that if you're over the age of 30 it doesn't matter what your body looks like, you'll have a hard time processing sugar if you lack muscle mass. But it's not just sugar that can be an issue for thin people who don't work out, it's also an increased risk of heart disease, and an overabundance of fat around your organs, known as "visceral fat" that can wreak havoc on your health.

@get_wavy 📣 Dont assume you’re healthy just because your “thin” 📣especially over 30+. Im 37 and my body needs the extra muscle mass. Take care of your body, weight training is known to: Help with the aging process Support organ function Bone density Circulation etc #wellnessjourney #healthyliving #healthy #guthealth #bodypositivity #diabetesawareness #healthandwellnesstips #over30club ♬ original sound - Stef | Mindfulness & Wellness

Several doctors spoke with NBC News about the phenomenon of "skinny fat," saying that without the excess fat visible beneath the skin, thin people may be lulled into a false sense of health. Dr. Louis Teichholz, chief of cardiology at Hackensack University Medical Center in New Jersey, tells NBC, “Just because someone is lean doesn’t make them immune to diabetes or other risk factors for heart disease."

Dr. Jimmy Bell, a professor of molecular imaging at Imperial College, London explains to NBC that people who are storing excess fat on the inside are basically on the threshold of being obese, you just can't see it with the naked eye. The phenomenon has been coined TOFI: thin on the outside, fat on the inside.

Shocked Bridget Jones GIFGiphy

“Visceral fat is metabolic, which means it produces chemicals and hormones that the body has to deal with, and is associated with hormone-driven cancers," registered dietitian Alison Clark explains to Good Food.

Dr. Joe, an emergency department doctor, created a response video to Stef further explaining why muscle mass is more important than what your body looks like on the outside. "Muscle tissue is a powerhouse for managing blood sugar. The more muscle you have, the better your body is at managing glucose because muscle cells love to soak it up. This keeps your blood sugar level stable without overworking your pancreas," Dr. Joe explains.


@drjoe_md Maintaining and building muscle mass as we age is one of the best ways to protect ourselves from diabetes. Muscle tissue is a powerhouse for managing blood sugar, and the more muscle we have, the better our bodies are at managing glucose. Muscle also burns calories at rest and releases hormones that decrease inflammation and keep our cells sensitive to insulin. As we get older, it’s easy to lose muscle and gain fat, especially around the belly, which is closely linked to diabetes. So each workout rep is building an ‘anti-diabetes shield’ around our bodies. #diabetes #musclemass #bloodsugar #insulinsensitivity #antiinflammation #ageingwell #prediabetes #healthylife ♬ original sound - Dr. Joe, M.D. 🩺

While aesthetically, thin may be ideal for quite a few Americans, it doesn't equate to healthy or fit. The most important factors to consider are how healthy someone eats and how active they are, which are both things that can't be discovered by looking at someone. So no matter if you're thin, average, overweight or obese, exercise and healthy food are the best way to maintain your health.

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Tired of 'hacks?' Here are 20 of the best life tips sourced from 21.9 million real people.

All of them are simple and practical. A few might just change your life.

via Arjun Mahadevan/Twitter

Arjun Mahadevan's life pro tip Twitter thread

Arjun Mahadevan gave the world a gift when he crowdsourced the best “life pro tips” from nearly 22 million people. He shared the top 20 in a Twitter thread that’s got over 619,000 views. Mahadevan sourced the tips from the Life Pro Tips subforum on Reddit, which has been running since 2010.

Mahadevan is the CEO of doolaHQ which he calls the “business-in-a-box” for LLCs.

Mahadevan labeled his advice “20 life tips you wish you knew when you were 20,” but they are helpful for everyone regardless of age. They’re useful for anyone who is in a relationship, has a job, or wants to stay sane in an aggravating world.

Many ideas involve reframing how we judge others to see them with more compassion. Mahadevan also has some advice for professionals to prevent them from making embarrassing mistakes or wasting other people’s time.

Sometimes the simplest change in behavior or perspective can drastically affect our lives. Here are Arjun Mahadevan’s 20 life tips you wish you knew when you were 20:

1. "If you’re stuck on an annoying call, put your phone on airplane mode instead of just hanging up. The other person will see 'call failed' instead of 'call ended.'"

2. "When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. That way when you receive spam/advert emails, you will know who sold your info."

3. "Always tell a child who is wearing a helmet how cool you think their helmet is. It will encourage them to always wear it in the future."

4. "When you don't have all the facts, try to give people the most generous reason you can for their behavior. Annoyingly slow driver? Maybe it's a mom with a birthday cake in the back. This mindset will gradually make you less reactive and more compassionate."

5. "Do not try to be the man your father would want you to be. Be the man you would like your son to be. It more clearly defines your own convictions, desires, goals and motivates you to be your best."

6. "When a friend is upset, ask them one simple question before saying anything else: 'Do you want to talk about it or do you want to be distracted from it?'"

7. "After a bad breakup, do 10 things that your ex would never do with you. You'll feel better and realize how much of yourself was being held back."

8. "Before you give your child a unique name, try it out first. Use it on food orders, reservations, appointments where applicable, etc. It’ll give you a glimpse of what they’ll deal with when they’re older and could prevent future issues."

9. "If you need to cancel a hotel reservation but are unable to because of a 24-hour policy, call the company and move your reservation to a later date. Call back within a few days and cancel for no charge."

10. "If you tell someone you need to talk to them, for the love of God give some indication of what you need to talk about, or at least that it's not bad news."

11. "Never send a work email when you’re emotionally compromised. Type it up, save it as a draft, and walk away. Ideally, sleep on it. You’ll make a smarter choice when you're not heated."

12. "Don't just let kids win at games. You can slow it down, you can teach them strategy, but keep it real. Someday, they will beat you fair and square, and it will be a moment they always remember with pride."

13. "When cooking things on aluminum foil, first scrunch the foil up, then lay it loosely flat again out on your baking tray. The juices will stay put—and the food will not stick to the foil half as much, if at all."

14. "If you think of a good idea, write it down. Your brain will try to trick you into thinking you will remember it later, but it's a liar! Therefore: Write it down!"

15. "It takes 4 minutes a day and almost no cost to maintain dental hygiene. It takes a lifetime and a lot of money to correct it. 2-minute brush and mouthwash in the AM, 2-minute brush and floss in the PM."

16. "Don’t wait until you have 'time' to start a fitness program. Because then when you get busy again, you’ll stop. The best time to start is actually when you’re busy. Learning how to fit it in when times are tough means you’ll stick with it over the long haul."

17. "When using text messages or IMs for business, say everything you need to say in the first message. Don’t just say 'hi' or 'hey' or 'are you there' or 'are you busy.'"

18. "Instead of feeling that you've blown the day and thinking, 'I'll get back on track tomorrow, think of each day as a set of four quarters:

• Morning• Midday• Afternoon• Evening

If you blow one quarter, you get back on track for the next quarter."

19. "Many problems in marriage are really just problems with being a bad roommate. Learn how to be a good roommate, and it will solve many of the main issues that plague marriages. This includes communicating about something bothering you before you get too angry."

20. "Ask yourself 'what does it matter to me' the next time you find yourself judging someone for their clothing or hobbies. The more you train yourself to not care about the personal preferences of other people, the more relaxed and nicer you become as a person."

This article originally appeared last year.

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Pop Culture

The Monkees' acapella Christmas song shows they weren't just funny, they could sing, too

They performed "Riu Chiu," a Spanish carol, on their 1967 Christmas special.

via The Monkees/YouTube

The Monkees singing "Riu Chiu."

The Monkees have a complicated place in the history of rock music. On the one hand, they scored some of the biggest hits of the ‘60s with “I’m a Believer,” “Last Train to Clarksville,” and “Daydream Believer.” On the other, they were a band manufactured in 1967 for a TV show that did little more than sing on their earlier records.

All that changed in 1967 when they wrestled control over their musical careers from the executives who kept them out of the studio and began recording their music with the “Headquarters” album. But even though they proved to be talented musicians, The Monkees were still branded as a prefabricated band whose success was owed more to session musicians and top-tier songwriters.

Anyone who doubts the talent of Mickey Dolenz, Michael Nesmith, Davy Jones and Peter Tork, look no further than a performance on The Monkees’ 1967 “Christmas Show” episode. Like every episode of The Monkees' TV show, this one featured a musical number. But this time, instead of a rock tune with a pre-MTV video of the band monkeying around, this featured the band singing an acapella version of “Riu Chiu,” a Spanish villancico that has attained some contemporary fame as a Christmas carol. The song is attributed to Mateo Flecha the Elder, who died in 1553.

The performance highlights the band’s unique vocal abilities that stem from different musical traditions. Before The Monkees, Dolenz was a rock singer, Nesmith was a country singer-songwriter from Texas, Tork was a folk musician and Jones was an English theatrical performer best known for his performance as the Artful Dodger in “Oliver!” But in this performance, their vocals blend perfectly.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The “Christmas Show” episode was memorable for the band’s outstanding vocal performance but also stands as one of the more memorable Christmas specials in TV history. Coming on the heels of the “Summer of Love,” the story is about The Monkees babysitting Melvin Vandersnoot, the hard-hearted child of an affluent family. After numerous attempts to get him into the Christmas spirit, the Monkees warm up his icy heart after showing him love, something all the money in the world can’t buy.

Vandersnoot, was played with incredible maturity by Butch Patrick, best known as Eddie on “The Munsters.”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The Monkees' television show would be canceled in 1968 and the band’s original run wouldn’t last much longer. But all four band members would remain in the music business. The Monkees would reunite in the late ‘80s after the show became popular in reruns and would continue to tour over the next four decades, although most of the time, it was without Nesmith. Nesmith would pursue a country career in the ‘70s, and even though his work received a lukewarm reception at the time, his innovative mixture of country music, humor and psychedelia has made him a pioneer in the alt-country genre. Nesmith died in 2021, shortly after touring with Dolenz.

Outside his work as the mainstay in Monkee reunions, Dolenz has starred in numerous theatrical productions and recently released an EP of R.E.M covers. He still tours as a solo act.

Davy Jones went on to perform in Monkee reunions and guest star on several TV shows, most notably on an episode of “The Brady Bunch,” where he was the target of Marcia Brady’s affection. He passed away in 2012.

Peter Tork was a mainstay of The Monkees’ live performances through numerous reunions and played in a band called Shoe Suede Blues. Tork died in 2019 after a long battle with cancer.

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Health

Here’s a military trick that can help you fall asleep in 2 minutes

It was created to help fighter pilots.

via DVIDShub / Flickr

No better time to grab a little shut eye.

For those in the military, sleep can mean the difference between life and death. But shut-eye can be very hard to come by, especially during active conflict.

The military method regained public attention thanks to a post by writer Sharon Ackman on Medium.com. The U.S. Navy Pre-Flight School developed a scientific method to help its pilots fall asleep. Through this technique, 96% of the pilots were able to fall asleep in two minutes or less.

If pilots can fall asleep surrounded by war, you should be able to use it to knock out in the comfort of your bedroom.

Here's how to do it:

Step 1: Relax in your seat

military men in sleeping bags on a mountain

Sleeping in difficult environments.

via DVIDShub / Flickr

Given the space restraints of a typical plane, the pilots were taught to sleep in a seated position. They put their feet flat on the ground, while relaxing their hands in their laps.

Breathe slow, deep breaths while relaxing every muscle in your face and letting your forehead, cheeks, mouth, tongue, and jaw go limp.


Step 2: Relax your upper body

Let your shoulders drop as low as you can. Allow the muscles in your neck go lifeless.

Starting with your dominant side, let your bicep feel like it's falling off your body. Then move to your forearm, hand, and fingers. If a muscle isn't relaxing, tense it first, then let it go loose.

Slowly exhale to release tension.


Step 3: Relax your lower body

Tell your right thigh muscle to sink, then move down your leg, saying the same thing to your calf, ankle, and foot. Your leg should feel like it has sunk into the ground. Then move on to your left leg.

The final step is to clear your mind for ten seconds. You can do this by paying attention to your breath as it moves through your nostrils or holding a static image in your mind.

Once your body is relaxed and your mind quiet, you should slip away into darkness.

It may sound too good to be true, but this technique is real and effective. Try it out and get ready for refreshing sleep no matter what's happening in your life.


This article originally appeared five years ago.

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