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Why you aren't acting in real life like the hero in your favorite movie.

Just look around.

Sit-ins and occupations. Marches, rallies, and protests. People demanding the release of video showing an unarmed teen being killed by a police officer. A national #StudentBlackOut on hundreds of campuses presenting administrators with student-created racial equality demands. On Harvard's campus, portraits of black law professors were vandalized. Politicians and public leaders have been accused of secret Ku Kux Klan membership. And a nationally televised benefit concert brought celebrities together to fight the epidemic of racism, commit to peace, and stand with the communities that have been devastated by hate crimes, mass shootings, and police brutality.

And all of that was just in the past two weeks.


Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images for A+E Networks.

What's happening all around us doesn't just sound like a movement. It actually sounds kind of ... like a movie.

You've probably seen this type of movie before and know it well: the classic "fight the power" tale. One where a charismatic leader or group of downtrodden but strong and brave "everyday people" rise up to take a stand against the powers that be. "Norma Rae." "Selma." "Mandela." "The Shawshank Redemption." "Les Misérables." Even "The Hunger Games." We all have our fave.

And when we watch those films, most of us pick sides, standing and cheering in solidarity with the "good guys."

Image from "Les Misérables" by movieCax/Flickr.

So, why does it seem like so many people — people who love those movies — can't see that we're all living in an epic blockbuster resistance movie right now?

Why isn't everyone tingling with excitement, cheering the slogans, joining organizations, and loudly standing on the "right side" of history?

Why doesn't everyone see that from University of Missouri's campus to Yale's, from the protests in Ferguson and Baltimore to the "die-ins" in Miami and Chicago, there is a real-life history-making movement happening, demanding equality, justice, and an end to every -ism that remains hidden in plain sight?

Why do some people refuse to recognize that today's Black Lives Matter movement and all of its connected struggles — the DREAMers working on immigration reform and the Fight-for-15ers fighting for a living wage — are the civil rights movement of today?

Why don't they recognize that today's Kendrick Lamars and John Legends are yesterday's Aretha Franklins and Marvin Gayes, creating a bold, unapologetic soundtrack for change?

And why don't they see the leaders of today, brilliant activists and strategists like Patrisse Cullors, Linda Sarsour, Carmen Perez, DeRay McKesson, Tiq Milan, Tamika Mallory, Rashad Robinson, Alida Garcia, and Nettaa, in all their femaleness and malesness and queerness and multi-faithness and multi-racialness, as the Dr. Kings and John Lewises and Ella Bakers that they really are?

Photo of Linda Sarsour, Carmen Perez, and Tamika Mallory. Used with permission from NYJusticeLeague.

The simple answer is, of course, because life is a bit more complicated than the average movie.

See, in the movies, the story is straightforward. It's easy to tell up from down and right from wrong. Thanks to adept writers and our position in the audience as external observers, we are able to see all parties and perspectives clearly.

We know who The Leader is. It's our main character, our underdog. And the supporters are The Good Guys.

We know who The Villain is. He's probably embodied by one individual, and that person is nothing like us. The villain is a caricature whose values are so despicable that any respectable person today would outright reject them.

We know the story formula too. We know the turning points in the plot, when the breakthroughs happen. We know that the heroes will hit their lowest moment and everything will seem lost, but the crescendo of music followed by a dramatic speech signals the confrontation. These things tell us that this is aMoment to Remember, after which nothing will ever be the same. And goodness will win.

If only real life were so simple.

Scene from "Selma" via BagoGames/Flickr.

In real life, the characters don't have good guy/bad guy labels. Roles aren't clearly defined. Villains can be complicated abstract systems of power rather than scowling individuals, while heroes don't announce their presence with sweeping shots of the city and a helpful title card.

Most importantly, in real life, there is no audience with an external gaze. We cannot step outside of our lives to see the part of the long arc toward justice we're living in. We can only see where we are in the moment. Standing here in present day, it's hard to see the future history books as history is being made all around us.

In the movies, we have the luxury of hindsight. We know exactly what the demands were. A writer can look back at the tangled messiness that was a 10-15-year movement and simplify its far-reaching, ever-evolving goals and demands. They will be conveniently uttered by one character in a pivotal moment. A montage would probably flash across the screen with a simple unifying goal around which the entire plot revolves.

In real life, there are numerous goals and multiple strategies. There is give and take and dissent. Movements are multi-organismic, with many parts and strains. Just because you cannot always google "tell me what today's civil rights movement wants" does not mean that there aren't brilliant, politically savvy people all over the country organizing and fighting for clear outcomes at every level — county, city, state, and federal.

But perhaps the deepest, most intimate reason we don't always recognize revolution in real time is that in the movies, social upheaval confronts, challenges, and breaks up a world that is usually foreign to us as an audience, one that we can distance ourselves from (think Panem in "The Hunger Games"). We see the contours of a harsh, immoral, unjust system clearly because we do not see it as our system. It is a system of the past (or a faraway future) and we have no tangible attachment to it. As a result, it's disruption costs us nothing.



Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images.

In real life, on the other hand, revolution disrupts the world we live in right now — a world that, while not perfect, many have learned to navigate and build a life in.

The imperfect systems that exist are the systems that many good people have found a way to survive in and, in some cases, benefit from. And those same people who might cheer for the factory to be shut down, or the police chief fired, or the king overthrown, while watching a movie, might not want to pay the inconvenient cost of disruption when it happens at their child's school or to their brother-in-law the officer or on the streets outside their door.

There are, of course, those who denigrate today's movement because they are desperately clinging to values of hatred and fear. Those may really think and behave like villains.

Others, though, embrace willful obliviousness simply because it is too scary to challenge the system that pays their bills or keeps them employed or makes them feel some semblance of safety and security, even when it clearly doesn't for so many others.

But there is one more group: Those who just don't believe that what they are seeing today, with its tweets and hoodies, is as serious as the movements of yesteryear.

To them I offer this simple truth:

Revolution never looks like what we think it will.

Not only does it not look like the movement that came before it, the kicker is that oftentimes what you might think radical change should look like — a new president, perhaps — with all of its pomp and circumstance, doesn't even come close to the type of revolution that movies are made of.

What does, though, is the kind of uncomfortable, unapologetic, persistentaction and organizing in the three years since Trayvon Martin was killed, led by everyone from kids in hoodies, to athletes, to gay men and trans women, to bold young writers like Darnelle Moore and Dr. Brittany Cooper, to students drowning in debt, to people who shut down highways and who shout down presidential candidates to get their voices heard.

Photo by Jessica McGowan/Getty Images.

Just like in the movies, people really are being killed while corrupt leaders get richer and more powerful. People are putting their lives on the line and making themselves vulnerable while hate speech still flourishes and is defended in the name of "free speech."

And just like in the movies, young people, black, brown, white, gay, and straight, descendants of slaves and immigrants and hippies alike, are working together to create a new, more just reality for themselves and future generations.

In the words of activist Shaun King:

"If you EVER wondered who you would be or what you would do if you lived during the Civil Rights Movement, stop. You are living in that time, RIGHT NOW."

Photo by Jessica McGowan/Getty Images.

So here's my question to you: When the movie based on this moment in history gets made decades from now, what character will you be?

The character passing a bowl of potatoes over dinner, shaking your head at the "unruly activists" as peaceful protesters march outside your door?

The one sitting in a high-rise corner office drinking a latte, bemoaning the youth's "lack of strategy and smarts" as victories are being won day-by-day on campuses and in state houses?

Or maybe the one in the pew on Sunday morning praying for peace and order while holy righteous battles are being won in the streets outside the church's doors?

Not me.

I want to be on the right side of history. I want to be on the side of messy disruption wherever it may be found.

I want to show the movie to my future kids 20 years from now and proudly point and say, "That was mommy, my love. And she was one of the good guys."

A dad got a sweet note from a fellow father after camping with his kids.

One of the hardest parts of being a parent is never being sure whether you're doing a good job or totally bombing it. If you're conscientious enough to even wonder if you're a good parent, you probably are, but parenting entails a million little choices and interactions, and there's always a lingering voice in your head saying, "What if you're really screwing this whole thing up?"

Reassurance and encouragement are always appreciated by parents, but not always received, which is why a note from one camping dad to another has people celebrating the kindness of anonymous strangers.

"You are killing it as a dad."

Someone on Yosemite Reddit thread shared a photo of a handwritten note with the caption, "To the man who left this thoughtful note on my windshield at Lower Pines Campground this weekend, I extend my heartfelt gratitude; your acknowledgment of my efforts to be a good father means a great deal to me."



The note reads:

"Bro,

I camped in the spot behind you last night. Let me just say, you are killing it as a dad. First off, I watched your wife guide you in as you backed up your trailer and nailed it on the first try without any yelling. Then your kids unloaded from the truck and were mild-mannered and well behaved. You told stories around the campfire and I had the pleasure of listening to the sounds of giggles and laughter.

From one dad to another, you are killing it. Keep it up.

P.S. Whatever you cooked for dinner smelled delicious!"

How often do we share these thoughts with strangers, even if we have them? And who wouldn't love to get a surprise bit of praise with specific examples of things we did right?

Everyone needs to hear a compliment once in a while.

So many people found the note to be a breath of fresh air and a good reminder to compliment people when we feel the urge:

"That would make any daddy's eyes water."

"It’s always nice, as a guy, to get a compliment."

"I complimented a guy's glasses at work (I'm also a guy, and btw they were really cool glasses, I wasn't just being nice) and now he keeps trying to tell me where he got his glasses and how I should get some. But I'm just having to be polite because I already have glasses and I'm not in the market. I finally had to tell him I'm not going to buy them lmao I just like them on him.

Made me feel like that's the first compliment he's had in years because he can't stop talking about it. Also I mainly liked the glasses because I think he's cute but he really thinks it's just the glasses haha jokes on him that cute bastard."

"I was in the store with my wife and one of our 'adopted nephews' yesterday (we’re close friends with his parents and we’ve known him and his brother since they were newborns and 2yo, respectively). A woman came up to me at checkout while my wife was running out to the car and said 'I’m not sure what your family relationship is here, but I just have to tell you how nice and refreshing it is to hear all the laughter and joy from the 3 of you. You both seem like such a good influence on him and it warms my heart.' It’s such a small thing but as a dude, I can’t remember the last time someone gave me a compliment in public and it made my freaking day."

"10/10 letter. The and not yelling part gave me a good chuckle lol."

"We need so much more of men getting such heartfelt and sincere compliments. Thanks for sharing. ❤️"

"I’ve never considered leaving a note, but when I see a harmonious family with good parenting, it’s healing for me. My childhood was awful."

"Such an awesome compliment! Even though I don't have children myself, I like to remind my friends too that they're doing great & it brings them happy tears."

"This made me cry. I love that you are getting your 'flowers.' My dad sucked, I’m so glad you are one of the good ones."

"This made me cry too. It’s so hard to be a human. Let alone a parent. Getting a good job sticker every now and then really means a lot these days."

"I'm a big bearded guy and I would cry if I got this note. More people like this, please."

The best part of this story is that no one knows who the dad who wrote the note is, not even the dad who shared it. It wasn't written for clout or notoriety, it wasn't to get attention or make himself look good. No name or signature, just an anonymous act of kindness to uplift a stranger whether he needed it or not.

We all need to hear or read kind things said about us, and sometimes it means even more coming from an anonymous stranger who has nothing to gain by sharing. A good reminder to share it when you feel it—you never know how many people you may move and inspire.

This article originally appeared last year.

All screenshots from @lakynbowman on TikTok.

It was Grandma’s 71st birthday, and granddaughter Lakyn Bowman came up with the cutest, cleverest and most thoughtful way to honor the occasion.

Bowman (@lakynbowman) shared in a TikTok video that after going through old photos, she realized just how much they both looked alike. And so, to thank grandma for passing down the good genes, she decided to recreate each signature look. After a few rounds with a curling iron, some pale blue eyeshadow, and throwing on some charming floral prints (plus some filter wizardry to give the pics that retro look) the resemblance is just uncanny.

People were delighted to see such a loving tribute. The video quickly racked up over 8 million views, with more than a few comments talking about how emotional the tribute made them. Can’t say I blame 'em.

Screenshot of a comment

Such a heartwarming tribute obviously moved some to tears.

TikTok

But how did grandma feel about it? Well, in a follow-up video, we see a genuine ear-to-ear smile. Suffice it to say, the idea was a hit.

As one person wrote to Bowman, “you’ll never be able to top this gift.”

It certainly helps that Bowman is vintage savvy. She even helps others find amazing secondhand items through her company Nine Oh Six. So getting the clothes and accessories was a piece of old-fashioned pineapple upside-down cake. And the results were just as sweet. Take a look below:

@lakynbowman Happy birthday, Grandma! Thanks for the good genes. 💕 #recreate#photoshoot #birthdayphotoshoot #vintage #grandma ♬ What Once Was - Her's
@lakynbowman

Reply to @katemason06 The audio didn’t save. 😭 But here’s her reaction. I love her so much! 💕

These videos are not only an instant dash of joy, it’s also a heartwarming reminder that our elders provide the prologue to our life stories. Honoring them can be as simple or creative as we want them to be, but be sure to include them. As we can see with this grandma-granddaughter duo, it’ll mean the world to them.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

There's a big change at the 98th meridian.

Have you ever wondered why the eastern half of the United States is densely populated while everything west of Omaha, save for a few metro areas, is no man’s land?

Most people would assume that it’s because people first settled in the east and moved west. Or, they may believe it’s because of the vast desert that takes up most of the southwest. Those are some decent reasons, but it’s a much more complicated issue than you'd imagine.

A 20-minute video by RealLifeLore explains how topography and rainfall have created what appears to be a straight line down the middle of the country on the 98th meridian that dictates population density. Eighty percent of Americans live on the east side of the line and just twenty percent to the west.

RealLifeLore is a YouTube channel that focuses on geography and topography created by Joseph Pisenti.

In the video, we see that several large cities border the American frontier—San Antonio, Austin, Fort Worth, Oklahoma City, Wichita, Omaha, Lincoln, Sioux Falls, and Fargo, as well as Winnipeg up in Canada. To the west of those cities? Not much until you reach western California and the Pacific Northwest.

Why? Watch:

The major reason why the population drastically changes is rainfall. It rains much more on the east side of the line versus the west. The reason for the drastic change in rainfall is that the Rocky Mountains create a colossal wall known as a rain shadow that prevents moisture from passing from the Pacific Ocean. This has created a large swath of dry land that’s not conducive to larger populations.

Though the eastern U.S. is more densely populated, it doesn't mean the west doesn't sometimes feel crowded, especially if you live in Los Angeles County. What side of the line are you on?

This article originally appeared three years ago.

Man praised for not switching seats with dad traveling with daughter

Airlines charge for everything but breathing nowadays so people tend to be protective of their seat assignments. They picked them with their own hands with their needs and preferences in mind before paying the extra money to confirm the seating. Choosing your own seat can range from $5-$80 extra per ticket depending on where in the cabin you choose to sit, barring first class options.

It's for this reason that people aren't keen on trading their seats with someone who chose to let the airline auto-assign a seat for them. This doesn't stop people from asking unsuspecting fellow travelers to swap seats with them, likely relying on the social pressure of the situation to coax a yes. But one man refused to be swayed, even when the other passenger points out that he would like to sit next to his minor daughter which may have been enough to encourage others to oblige the request.

The passenger who was being asked to move had already paid additional money to sit in an aisle seat he explains, "I always book an aisle seat. My company allows me to add the small surcharge for an aisle seat (it was $18). I sat early and this guy comes with his daughter. His daughter had the middle seat next to me. He had another middle seat elsewhere. He asked to switch with me. I said I would if he had an aisle seat. He said he has a middle seat."

Season 9 Ugh GIF by Curb Your EnthusiasmGiphy

The middle seat is typically the least desirable seat due to being stuck between two other passengers, no designated armrest and nothing to comfortably lean your head on should you fall asleep. Waking up only to realize you've been asleep on a stranger's shoulder can make for an awkward interaction, so there's no surprise the man didn't want to trade seats with the dad on those details alone. But the man didn't choose the aisle seat because he was afraid of drooling on the shoulder of a fellow passenger.

"I said sorry, I am a big guy (6 feet, 260+ pounds), I am [un]comfortable in middle seat. It's a 4.5 hour flight," the befuddled passenger shares before adding. "I explained I am physically uncomfortable in the middle. The aisle gives me more room."

Giphy

One might think the interaction would end there but it didn't. According to the six-foot-tall man, the dad then involved a flight attendant to encourage him to give up his seat so the dad could sit next to his child. But the man continued to refuse the dad's request which resulted in the dad having to sit in his original seat and the teenage girl being seated next to the original man. He had no desire to be uncomfortable for a fairly long flight and while he was expecting for people to disagree with his actions, they were overwhelmingly on his side.

"You paid extra for that aisle seat, and it’s your comfort on a long flight. The guy should've booked better seats if he wanted to sit next to his daughter. Plus, it’s not your job to accommodate his poor planning," one person writes.

No Way Beer GIF by BuschGiphy

"If you want to sit together, pay for the seats. Good for you, people like that need to learn they cant have their cake and eat it too," someone else says.

"I hate it when a FA asks you to move one you've already said no. They should stand by their company who sold you the seat and reiterate that to the person asking," another chimes in.

pushing air travel GIFGiphy

"I’ve been in the situation traveling, when my kids were small and flights were canceled, etc. that we were seated separately. When you REALLY do NEED compassion, people are generally OK with it and they are understanding and will likely move if able. I’ve also raised my kids to be independent and as teenagers they would have been just fine. In a case where it really is a need (like a special needs teen), the airline owes its passengers some sort of a solution like upgrading an inconvenienced traveller," someone else adds.

The man does admit that maybe the dad assumed the solo traveler would be inappropriate with his daughter saying, "Maybe he thought I was some creeper? I AM NOT. I popped a prescription muscle relaxer, put on relaxing music on my earphones and zoned out." In the end the man did not give up his seat and the teen girl and her father were both fine sitting in the seats assigned to them.

Life is bigger than the U.S.!

Dreaming about moving to another country and starting over is no longer just a dream for some people. A growing number of millennial expats are finding their American dream in another country. And they're taking to social media to invite us to follow their journeys. Living comfortably in America is merely a dream for most people, so seeing expats doing it in other countries is inspiring more people than ever to seek a better life than they can achieve in the United States elsewhere.

Influencer and educator Olumide Gbenro has made a life in Bali that would be unattainable to most Americans. When Gbenro was around 13, his family immigrated to Columbus, Ohio after living in London. Gberno spent the first six years of his life in his home country of Nigeria, so relocating was not new to him. Before deciding to leave it all behind as an adult, Olumide was on a different path. A path his parents had set before him, but one he didn't want to follow.

In 2016, Gberno graduated with two master’s degrees from San Diego State University. One master’s was in epidemiology and the other in behavioral sciences. The new graduate was primed to go on for his PhD just as his parents wanted, but enrolling in a PhD program meant traveling the world would be off the table and the soon to be expat wasn’t ready to give up on it. The choice then became to become a doctor or travel, and since traveling was in his blood it was a no-brainer.

Gberno told CNBC Make It, “All of my life, I just followed the rules, whether it was from my parents, religion or society,” he says. “But deep down I knew that if I took the position in the PhD program, I could never go back, I could never travel abroad...I’d be stuck to a lab, so I decided to say ‘no.’” Shortly after coming to the conclusion that a PhD wasn’t for him, he packed up his belongings and headed out of the country.

Olumide took some time in a few other locations before settling in Bali; the new expat first stopped in Berlin on a three month tourist visa, staying in hostels and couch surfing at friends' houses. Gberno didn’t have much savings when he left America, so not working wasn’t an option, and eventually he struck success with his online business in social media marketing. He was able to grow his Instagram following fairly quickly by posting photos of his adventures and dance videos. With a larger following, he started reaching out to other creators and businesses offering to help improve their social media strategy for the small fee of $250. Eventually, it enabled him to turn it into a lucrative business that helps sustain his lifestyle.

After Olumide’s three months in Berlin were up, he traveled to Mexico and then back to San Diego where he launched his business, Olumide Gbenro PR & Brand Monetization, in 2018. While scrolling through Instagram he saw a post from a friend visiting Bali at the time. The scenery appealed to him, so he decided to go. After many flights back and forth to Singapore and Malaysia to extend his visa 30 days at a time, he was granted an investors visa.

Gberno earns about $140,000 a year and his biggest expense is his rent and utilities which total $1,010 a month. He spends about $600 a month on take out and eating at restaurants and continues to travel at least once a month. Gberno told CNBC “I’m probably spending about the same amount of money I would each month if I was living in San Diego, but my quality of living is much higher,” he says. “I’m living a life of luxury.”

These expats make living abroad look like a feasible goal and for some it is. Be warned that following these adventurous souls on social media may make you want to pack a few bags and never look back.


This article originally appeared three years ago.