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'Why women leave’: Wife who 'does everything' shares why she left her husband who did nothing

This is a common story in many households.

via Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels

A woman is upset with her husband and wants to leave him.

There are a few big reasons why 70% of divorces in the United States among heterosexual couples are filed by women. Women have more economic opportunities than in decades past and are better positioned to care for themselves and their children without a husband’s income.

Another big reason is that even though the world has become much more egalitarian than in the past, women still bear the brunt of most of the emotional labor in the home. Gilza Fort-Martinez, a Florida, US-based licensed couples’ therapist, told the BBC that men are socialized to have lower emotional intelligence than women, leaving their wives to do most of the emotional labor.

Secondly, studies show that women still do most of the domestic work in the home, so many are pulling double duty for their households.

A TikTokker with two children (@thesoontobeexwife) shared why she decided to leave her husband of two decades and her story recounts a common theme: She did all the work and her husband did little but complain.

The video, entitled “Why women leave,” has received over 2 million views.

“So for the men out there who watch this, which frankly I kind of hope there aren’t any, you have an idea maybe what not to do,” she starts the video. “Yesterday, I go to work all day, go pick up one kid from school, go grocery shopping, go pick up the other kid from school, come home. Kids need a snack–make the snack. Kids want to play outside – we play outside.”

Her husband then comes home after attending a volunteer program, which she didn’t want him to join, and the self-centeredness begins. “So he gets home, he eats the entire carton of blueberries I just purchased for the children’s lunch and asks me what’s for dinner. I tell him I don’t know because the kids had a late snack and they’re not hungry yet,” she says in the video.

She then explains how the last time he cooked, which was a rare event, he nearly punched a hole in the wall because he forgot an ingredient. Their previous home had multiple holes in the walls. Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist and host of the Power of Different podcast, says that when punch walls it’s a sign that they haven’t “learned to deal with anger in a reasonable way.”

“Anyway, finally one kid is hungry,” the TikTokker continues. “So I offered to make pancakes because they’re quick and easy and it’s late. He sees the pancake batter and sees that there’s wheat flour in it and starts complaining. Says he won’t eat them. Now I am a grown adult making pancakes for my children who I am trying to feed nutritionally balanced meals. So yes, there’s wheat flour in the pancake mix.”

Then her husband says he’s not doing the dishes because he didn’t eat any pancakes. “Friends, the only thing this man does around this house is dishes occasionally. If I cook, he usually does the dishes. I cook most nights. But here’s the thing. That’s all he does. I do everything else. Everything. Everything.”

She then listed all of the household duties she handles.

“I cook, I clean the bathrooms, I make the lunches, I make the breakfasts, I mow the lawn, I do kids’ bedtime. I literally do everything and he does dishes once a day, maybe,” she says.

The video received over 8700 comments and most of them were words of support for the TikTokker who would go on to file for divorce from her husband.

"The amount of women I’ve heard say that their male partners are only teaching how to be completely independent of them, theirs going to be so many lonely men out there," Gwen wrote. "I was married to someone just like this for over 35 years. You will be so happy when you get away from him," BeckyButters wrote.

"The way you will no longer be walking on eggshells in your own home is an amazing feeling. You got this!" Barf Simpson added.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Celebrity

Hugh Grant finally tells his Bridget Jones co-star Renée Zellweger what he always thought of her

The feeling is mutual.

Images of Hugh Grant and Renee Zellweger via Wikicommons

Hugh Grant and Renee Zellweger

love actually GIFGiphy

Hugh Grant does not hold back when it comes to his opinions on anything. But in one unfortunate interview he did for Elle Magazine back in 2009, he dished on most of his female co-stars, and it wasn't pretty. He described Emma Thompson as "clever, funny, mad as a chair." Of Sandra Bullock, he said, "a genius, a German, too many dogs." He later commented that Julia Roberts' mouth was so big, he "was aware of a faint echo" when they kissed onscreen. And while Julianne Moore, Rachel Weisz, and Drew Barrymore were all described as clever, stunning, or beautiful, the consensus was that they all "loathed him."

But it was his Bridget Jones's Diary co-star Renée Zellweger with whom he seemed to have the softest spot. Even when revisiting the matter on The Graham Norton Show in 2016, Hugh agreed with his original assessment that she's "delightful. Also far from sane. Very good kisser."

When pressed, Hugh jokingly said, "She is genuinely lovely, but her emails are 48 pages long. Can't understand a word of them."

Now, nine years later, Renée is returning to her Bridget Jones character, and the two reunite for a piece called "Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy" for British VogueBritish Vogue. After Hugh writes an intro to the piece, where he reveals he used to have tons of questions between on-set shots for Renée—questions like "If you had to marry one of today's extras, who would it be?" and "Who is a better kisser, me or Colin Firth?" He now has a whole new slew of questions. Here are a few key things we find out:

Sad Renee Zellweger GIF by Working TitleGiphy

What did Hugh always think of Renée?

He says candidly (of course), "With a lot of other actors, you think they're really great, and then suddenly you see a little glint of steely, scary ambition, and you realize this person would trample their grandmother to get what they want in this business. But I've never seen that glint coming off you. So either it's very well disguised, or you are quite nice."

What does Renée really think of Hugh?

You're hilariously brilliant at everything you hate. And, though you hate humans, you're a very good and loyal friend. I like you very much. And I love working with you."

Love Actually Dancing GIF by PeacockTVGiphy

What did Hugh really think of her English accent?

Queen Elizabeth GIFGiphy

After discussing Renée's dialect coach, Hugh tells her that her attempt at an English accent is…"perfect."

**Why does the Bridget Jones franchise remain so appealing?**

Renee Zellweger Romance GIF by Bridget JonesGiphy

Hugh says, "In a nutshell, I say it's an antidote to Instagram. Instagram is telling people, especially women, 'Your life's not good enough.' It's not as good as this woman's or that woman's, making you insecure. Whereas what Helen (the writer) did with Bridget is celebrate failures, while making it funny and joyful."

Renée makes some jokes and then says, "I think maybe folks recognize themselves in her and relate to her feelings of self-doubt. Bridget is authentically herself and doesn't always get it right, but whatever her imperfections, she remains joyful and optimistic, carries on, and triumphs in her own way."

What does Hugh think of Renée's fashion?

Drunk Bridget Jones GIF by Working TitleGiphy

After asking if people in general should be a "bit more stylish," Hugh tells Renée she's "very chic." Renée pushes back with, "I'm wearing a tracksuit." To which Hugh retorts, "Yeah, but a sort of PRICEY one."

And finally, those emails:

"You have sent me the longest emails I've ever received. I can't understand a single word of them. They're written in some curious language that I can't really understand."

"No!" Renée exclaims. "If you reference something in your emails that makes me laugh…I will circle back to that. And if you've forgotten that you wrote it, I don't think I should be held accountable for that!"

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Science

A wild goose was taken to an animal hospital. His mate knocked on the door to find him.

"We opened the door and gave Arnold his flow-by oxygen in the doorway. His mate immediately calmed down and began to groom him through the door."

Cape Wildlife Center/Facebook

Ahh, love.

As if a Canada goose named Arnold isn't endearing enough, his partner who came looking for him when he was injured is warming hearts and having us root for this sweet feathered couple.

Cape Wildlife Center in Barnstable, Massachusetts shared the story on its Facebook page in 2021, in what they called "a first" for their animal hospital.

"We often have people ask if they can visit the patients they dropped off, but today we had our first animal visitor!" they wrote. "For the safety of our patients we do not accommodate visitation requests, but in this case we had to make an exception!"

Arnold is a Canada goose that lives on a pond near the facility and is part of a mated pair of wild geese that have been together for several years. The center said the geese usually keep to themselves, but one of their staff noticed that Arnold was walking with a "significant limp" and kept falling over. They were able to capture him and bring him into the hospital for examination.

wild goose examined at animal hospital in four photos

A goose visits its mate at the Cape Wildlife Center

Image Via Cape Wildlife Center/Facebook

"Upon exam our veterinary team found that he had two open-fractures on his foot," they wrote. "This means that the tissue and skin has been pulled away leaving the bone exposed. Our best guess is that a Snapping turtle or other predator attacked him while swimming."

To save his foot and help him survive, the staff knew they had to amputate one of the digits and suture the other wound closed. They gave him antibiotics and pain meds and prepped him for surgery the following morning. Then his mate came knocking.

"Today, as we prepared to sedate Arnold and get him ready for surgery, we heard a faint tapping at the clinic door," the center wrote. "We turned to see that his mate had waddled up onto the porch and was attempting to break into our clinic! She had somehow located him and was agitated that she could not get inside. She remained there throughout the entire procedure, watching us work, never moving from the doorway."

Aww.

Surgery went well, and once Arnold woke up the staff decided to let him recover by the doorway so he and his mate could see each other.

"We opened the door and gave Arnold his flow-by oxygen in the doorway. His mate immediately calmed down and began to groom him through the door. They both seemed much more at ease in each other's presence."

AWWWW.

"Arnold will likely need several weeks of treatment in our hospital before he is ready to rejoin his mate in the wild," they added. "He will need to be kept inside for the majority of this time in order to keep his wound sterile and prevent infection. We will do our best to get him back out quickly and will perform bandage changes and treatments in view of the doorway when possible so that his mate can check up on him. ❤️"

While attempting not to anthropomorphize too much, it's so sweet to see animal partners show such genuine care for one another. Canada geese mate for life, and they are known to mourn in seclusion when they lose a mate. Seeing Arnold's mate coming to find him and comfort him during his treatment is just too lovely.

According to CBS News, Arnold was released to the wild and his mate, whom the hospital lovingly named Amelia, just a few weeks later. Feel good story of the day, indeed.

This article originally appeared four years ago.

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Family

Mom recalls the uncomfortable moment an older man complimented her 6-year-old's appearance

When she didn't say "thank you," he accused her of having bad manners.

@yourejustliz/TikTok

“Nice is different than kind."

It might have been pretty universally accepted during our childhood for daughters to be expected to reciprocate affection from adults, whether they liked it or not. A non consensual kiss to grandparents here, a forced “thank you” there. But times have changed.

However, this change in parenting style can sometimes make for some, well, awkward or even downright uncomfortable situations as moms and dads try to advocate for this kid’s autonomy.

Recently, a mom named Liz Kindred detailed just such an incident with her six year old daughter, which has a whole lotta other parents discussing how to navigate these unideal interactions.

As she recalls in a video posted to TikTok, Kindred was waiting in line with her daughter when a grown man turned around and said “My goodness, you sure are pretty” to the child.

“My six-year-old is gorgeous, yes, but she is also very in tune and perceptive, and she's an introvert so she grabbed my leg really tight,” Kindred said.

Doubling down, the man repeated himself, saying “You sure are pretty. Look at those blue eyes,” which only made her shy daughter grab her leg harder.

Noting that being in a 12 step program has taught her to be less “knee jerk reactionary,” the mom bit her tongue and offered a polite smile to the man, hoping that would be the end of it. It wasn’t.

“He's a boomer and, God love him, he said, ‘I guess your mom didn't teach you manners.’ And I let out an uncomfortable little [chuckle], and the pause was long. It was long. And under his breath he said, ‘Guess not,’” she said.

In what she called the most ”Jesus loving way” she could muster, while still bluntly making her point, Kindred told the man "If you assume that I didn't teach my six-year-old daughter to say ‘thank you’ to a grown, consenting man when he compliments her appearance, then you would be correct."

What followed was the “longest silence” of Kindred’s life.

The video, which has been viewed over 6 million times now, prompted a ton of parents to share how their own kids have established boundaries in similar situations—with their support, of course.

“An old man called my 4 yr old daughter a sweetheart at the store…she boldly responded ‘I am NOT YOUR sweetheart!’ I was so proud,” on person recalled.

Another added, “My 3 year old says ‘NO THANK YOU MY BODY DOESN’T LIKE TAHT.’”

Still another said “My 2 yo knows the boundaries song and just starts singing that anytime someone talks to her.”

While the response to Kindred’s video was overwhelmingly positive, there were a few comments defending the man as simply being “kind.” This prompted Kindred to do a follow-up video doubling down on her decision.

In the clip, she shared how she herself has dealt with seemingly innocent compliments in her life from men, which later turned into something else. Feeling like she “didn’t have a voice” to say something, “because I’m a nice Christian, Southern girl,” Kindred ended up being in unsavory situations (she didn't explicitly say what those situations were, but it's easy enough to piece together). She doesn’t want her daughter to have the same issues.

“Nice is different than kind. The kind thing to do is to teach our daughters and our children in this next generation that when you are uncomfortable with something you listen to your body and you set a firm boundary with that and you provide language around that. And you start that really really young.”

Yep. Well said.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Family

Why this grandmother's advice went viral and is so very needed right now

Sometimes that pat on the back we need the most is our own.

Photo by Skiathos Greece on Unsplash

Grandmother offers advice for living through difficult times.

There’s no shortage of advice for getting through difficult times. Unfortunately, most of that advice is either painfully unrealistic or reeks of toxic positivity. Solid advice that is both helpful and comforting is hard to come by, which is why this advice is going viral for all the right reasons.

The advice comes from Elena Mikhalkova—or rather Mikhalkova’s grandmother—and it goes like this:

My grandmother once gave me a tip:

In difficult times, you move forward in small steps.

Do what you have to do, but little by little.

Don't think about the future, or what may happen tomorrow.

Wash the dishes.

Remove the dust.

Write a letter.

Make a soup.

You see?

You are advancing step by step.

Take a step and stop.

Rest a little.

Praise yourself.

Take another step.

Then another.

You won't notice, but your steps will grow more and more.

And the time will come when you can think about the future without crying.

Can we all just pause for a minute to take a deep breath and maybe wipe the tears from our eyes? Because I don’t know about you, but this advice is just what I’ve needed to read almost every day lately.

I suspect I’m not alone in this either because Mikhalkova’s advice is being shared all over the Internet.

With the world in a particularly scary place right now, all of us are struggling with one thing or another, which is why this quote hits so hard. Unlike the clichéd “one foot in front of another” advice that can seem both demeaning and overwhelming, this advice offers concrete steps to take.

Wash the dishes. Make soup. Rest, and praise yourself.

These are things I can do. Well, maybe not soup, per se. But cookies. I can make cookies. And maybe you can make soup. Or knit a scarf. Or sweep the kitchen floor. This is enough.

What this advice taps into that other tidbits lose sight of is that when we’re in the midst of a calamity, even the most simple and everyday tasks are more difficult. Making lunch can seem monumental and the mere thought of work and school can make us take to our beds, sobbing in the fetal position. Advice to “look on the bright side” can be patronizing and counterproductive. This advice does none of those things but, instead, acknowledges that even a small step matters. It doesn’t dismiss the pain, but recognizes that even thinking about the future can be painful and that progress sometimes looks like making it through the day without crying.

This advice also goes beyond the “sun will come out tomorrow” reminders and acknowledges that things might not be better tomorrow or the day after that. It will take time for wounds to heal and difficult times to pass, but we need not passively wait for this time to come. We can make soup, rest, and be kind to ourselves.

In the early days of the pandemic, I remember feeling like there was so much more I should be doing with all this extra “at home” time. Yet I found even the most basic tasks to be more difficult. In turn, I felt guilty for not being more productive. But what I’ve learned is that allostatic load and decision fatigue are very real. Productivity looks different on different days, and sometimes being patient with ourselves is the most productive thing we can do.

Mikhalkova’s advice taps into a mantra that I often recite when I’m struggling: Just do one good thing. Unload the dishwasher. Return an email. Fold the laundry. Hug my kids. Then do the next good thing. Eventually these things add up. Time passes and small steps turn into something bigger.

What I love most about Mikhalkova’s advice—and what is easy to forget in difficult times—is the reminder to praise ourselves along the way. Because sometimes that pat on the back we need the most is our own.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

Christine Organ is a writer who lives in the Chicago area with her husband, two sons, and rescue dog. You can find her on Facebook and Instagram.

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Pop Culture

Artist makes everyday spaces magical by cleverly adding pixelated, old-school pop-culture icons

Here are 17 of his most clever pieces.

via pappasparlor/Instagram

Pappas Pärlor's fantastic street art.

Anyone who grew up in the late '80s and early '90s—Gen X, I’m looking at you—grew up in a world that was dominated by 8-bit graphics. Back in the day, computers and video game systems had a limited amount of processing power so the graphics had to be simple.

That meant the heroes that we played with such as Mario from Super Mario Brothers or Link from The Legend of Zelda, had to be super simple looking and we had to fill in the rest with our imaginations.

Video graphics have come a long way over the past 30-plus years, but people still love the old designs because it takes them back to a simpler time. This has led to an 8-bit movement where people use their creativity to make art within the confines of the limited medium.

Some people also use the limited 8-bit soundscape to create music that’s reminiscent of the old games. Sure, computer game music may be much more sophisticated these days, but is there anything better than the original Tetris soundtrack? Would Super Mario Brothers be the same with a sophisticated soundtrack? I think not.

Swedish artist Johan Karlgren, who goes by the name Pappas Pärlor, creates pixelated 8-bit-looking art and then inserts it into everyday scenes. The interesting thing is that his 8-bit art isn’t done with computer graphics, but Perler beads.

Perler beads are small, plastic beads that one places on a grid, and when the picture is done, they are melted with a household clothing iron. The beads are a fun hobby for kids who love to see the melting beads ooze their way into a fully-formed picture.

Although they weren’t originally intended to make 8-bit art, because the beads are placed on a grid when they melt together the designs look like they came straight out of a Nintendo Entertainment System.

Karlgren recreates iconic images from comics, cartoons, video games, and movies with the beads and then adds them to the scenarios, turning the mundane into the whimsical.

What’s Karlgren’s big inspiration? “Anything that makes me feel something,” he told Bored Panda. “It could be anything from childhood memories to politics or people doing awesome stuff that I wanna interpret.”

For Karlgren, his work is the byproduct of having a good time. “I don’t really choose what to create. My work is sprung from playing, and I’ll try to go with the ideas that come up in my head,” he said.

One of the hallmarks of Karlgen’s work is taking drab places such as a parking lot or other types of urban infrastructure and livening them up with the addition of one of his Perler bead creations. "It's something that makes me happy, and hopefully other people [when] seeing it as well," he told Newsweek.

Karlgren is a father of four and started posting his creations on Instagram back in April 2014. Since then, his fun, old-school designs have earned him more than 144,000 followers. Here are some of his coolest, and funniest 8-bit designs.

8-Bit Joker

"Rose!"

Raiders of the Lost Fence Knob

Mario Kart: Snow Speeders

"Here's 8-Bit Johnny!"

The Man of Steel

That Creep Can Roll

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man

Anthony Adams Rubbing Hands Meme

"I Said God Damn!"

"Take My Money!"

Darth's Day Off

Jaws

"Go Ahead, Make My Day."

Mini Bernie

Tony Montana

The Homer Meme

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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