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Stop blaming the 'Karens.' The people who complain the most have a different name.

The stereotype has been wrong all along.

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via Rickey123/Pixabay

A woman giving a stern warning.

Over the past few years, women named Karen have taken a lot of heat in the media. The term "Karen" has been used to describe a specific type of entitled, privileged and often middle-aged white woman. Typically, "Karen” is depicted as demanding, self-important and constantly seeking to escalate minor inconveniences to authority figures, like demanding to "speak to the manager."

Identifying the folks who create unnecessary drama in our world is important. But calling them a “Karen” isn’t the best way to solve the problem. There are many reasons to have an issue with the “Karen” stereotype. First, it’s terrible for people named Karen, and it’s also a connotation that many feel is racist, sexist and ageist.

Further, according to a new study by Trustpilot, the stereotype isn’t accurate. A recent survey by the online media site found that the people who leave the most one-star reviews aren’t female, and the women who do it the most aren’t named Karen.

Trustpilot is a site where people can review a business from which they’ve purchased a product or contacted customer service. According to TrustPilot, the number one biggest one-star reviewers are named John, not Karen.

“The name John is top for [one-star] reviews in the US, with the rest of the top five positions filled by David, Michael, Chris and James,” the site wrote in a press release. “Looking at specific categories, John is also first for negative reviews in Business Services, Electronics and Technology, Shopping and Fashion, and Money and Insurance. Meanwhile, Lisa left the most [one-star] reviews in our Beauty and Wellbeing category.”

So, if your name is Karen, keep this story in your back pocket next time someone stereotypes you as an entitled complainer. The real complainers are the Johns and, for the women, Lisas.

Why do people go online and write negative reviews? Psychologist William Berry writes in Psychology Today that people get many positive benefits from complaining, although they may annoy everyone around them.

The first big reason is an ego boost. When people complain, they feel validated. It also makes them feel superior to others. Complaining can also bring like-minded people together. If you and a significant other have ever been mistreated in a restaurant or car dealership, having a mutual enemy can work wonders for your relationship.

There are also entire groups of people who bond over a common gripe.

People who habitually complain may do so because of the brain’s negativity bias. “The human brain, geared for survival, focuses on negatives (as they appear more threatening to survival) than on positives (which enhance life but are less vital for survival),” Berry writes. “As the brain perceives negatives at an approximated ratio of five to one, there is simply more to complain about than there is to be grateful for. Additionally, this may lead to less general happiness.”

Here are the top 15 names of consumers who leave the most one-star reviews on Trustpilot. (Also known as the folks that owe the Karens out there an apology.)

1. John

2. David

3. Michael

4. Chris

5. James

6. Mike

7. Mark

8. Robert

9. Alex

10. Paul

11. Lisa

12. Sarah

13. Steve

14. Sam

15. Daniel


This article originally appeared on 9.7.23

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Mom explains the common Boomer parenting style that still affects many adults today

Many are relieved to finally have a term for this experience.

Photo by Monstera Production

“What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”

There are certainly many things the Boomer parents generally did right when raising their kids. Teaching them the importance of manners and respect. That actions do, in fact, have consequences. That a little manners go a long way…all of these things are truly good values to instill in kids.

But—and we are speaking in broad strokes here—being able to openly discuss difficult feelings was not one of the skills passed down by this generation. And many Gen X and millennial kids can sadly attest to this.

This is why the term “dishonest harmony” is giving many folks of this age group some relief. They finally have a term to describe the lack of emotional validation they needed throughout childhood for the sake of saving face.

In a video posted to TikTok, a woman named Angela Baker begins by saying, “Fellow Gen X and millennials, let's talk about our parents and their need for dishonest harmony.”

Barker, who thankfully did not experience this phenomenon growing up, but says her husband “certainly” did, shared that when she’s tried to discuss this topic, the typical response she’d get from Boomers would be to “Stop talking about it. We don't need to hear about it. Move on. Be quiet.”

And it’s this attitude that’s at the core of dishonest harmony.

“What that’s showing is their lack of ability to handle the distress that they feel when we talk openly about uncomfortable things,” she says. “What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”


@parkrosepermaculture Replying to @Joe Namath #boomerparents #toxicparent #harmony #genx #millennial #badparenting #conflict #nocontact ♬ original sound - Parkrose Permaculture


“Keep quiet about these hard issues. Suppress your pain, suppress your trauma. Definitely don't talk openly about it so that you can learn to heal and break the cycle,” she continues. “What matters most is that we have the appearance of harmony, even if there's nothing harmonious under the surface.”

Barker concludes by theorizing that it was this need to promote a certain facade that created most of the toxic parenting choices of that time period.

“The desire of boomer parents to have this perception that everything was sweet and hunky dory, rather than prioritizing the needs of their kids, is what drove a lot of the toxic parenting we experienced.”

Barker’s video made others feel so seen, as clearly indicated by the comments.

“How did I not hear about dishonest harmony until now? This describes my family dynamic to a T. And if you disrespect that illusion, you are automatically labeled as the problem. It’s frustrating,” one person wrote.

“THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm a 49 yo biker sitting in my bedroom crying right now. You just put a name to my darkness!” added another

Many shared how they were refusing to repeat the cycle.

One wrote, “This is EXACTLY my family dynamic. I’m the problem because I won’t remain quiet. Not anymore. Not again.”

“I love when my kids tell me what I did wrong. It gives me a chance to acknowledge and apologize. Everyone wants to be heard,” said another.

Of course, no parenting style is perfect. And all parents are working with the current ideals of the time, their own inner programming and their inherent need to course correct child raising problems of the previous generation. Gen Alpha parents will probably cringe at certain parenting styles currently considered in vogue. It’s all part of the process.

But hopefully one thing we have learned as a collective is that true change happens when we summon the courage to have difficult conversations.


This article originally appeared on 7.16.24

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Teachers are sharing their students' wildest excuses that actually turned out to be true

Here are 17 of the best responses.

via Pexels

Teachers share the best excuses.

Kindergarten through 12th grade teachers and college professors have heard every excuse in the book. Whether it’s a third grader claiming their “dog ate my homework” or a college freshman claiming their grandmother died to get out of a test, they’ve heard it all a billion times.

A college professor once listed the top 21 excuses he’s heard from his students. Here are the top five:

5. “It’s the last week of the semester.”

4. “It’s St. Patrick’s Day or 4/20”

3. “Our other teacher held us back.”

2. “My timetable showed the class was canceled.”

1. “I’m taking a vacation.”

Yes, some students actually say they didn’t do their work because of a holiday predicated on drinking or getting stoned and others have the audacity to say, “Hey! I needed a vacation.” After spending week after week fielding excuses, there’s a good reason why most educators are skeptical when they hear one from their students.

But every once in a while, an excuse that seems way too improbable to be believed actually is true.

Reddit user u/minecraftplayer48 asked the teachers of Reddit to share the “best excuse for being late that turned out to be true” and the stories were all pretty great. But it wasn’t only teachers who chimed in; a lot of people shared stories from when they were students and had an excuse that was so crazy they didn’t think anyone would believe them.

Here are 17 of the best excuses for being late that were actually true.

1. Revenge of the torque wrench


"My auto teacher let me practice removing and adding the tires on his vehicle. The next morning it was about 20 minutes into first period and no sign of him. He comes running into the classroom out of breath and his hair is all messed up. He points at me and says 'YOU!!!! What is a torque wrench used for???' I respond with "I don't know." He says ' I know you don't know!!!" Turns out one of his tires came off while driving down the highway." — ethnicjello

2. Mom wanted to sleep in


"She had to take her sister to school and drive her mom to rehab. She was always late to class because her mom just wanted to sleep in. Problem was if the mom was late or did not go she would have violated her probation and gone to prison. I never marked her late. If she missed anything important she could come in at lunch or after school to make it up." — RM156

3. "That was you?"


"Student here, I headed into school early to get some studying done in the library before my night class. I was one exit away when I was caught in a 3 car accident. Most of the expressway afterwards was gridlock with only one lane left open. I did eventually make it into my lab class 15 minutes late, with a few scrapes and bruises. My professors reaction was simply 'Oh that was you!''" — AlienCowAbduction

4. "School bus blew up"


"I was one of about 20 kids who were late to school. We showed up at the school office as a group and when questioned why we were late, we said 'The school bus blew up.' They questioned 'So the engine blew up?' The kids 'No, the whole bus, in flames. It blew up.'

"There was much conference between the teachers, all of them thinking we embellished the story. Next thing you know, one of the admin staff has the news website open, very obvious image of an entire bus on fire with a bunch of kids in our school uniform standing in front of it. Our late slip for class read 'School bus blew up.'" — AusPB90

5. B.U.I.


"Told me he got pulled over by the cops for wobbly driving on his bike and they thought he was drunk. Turned out he was just dodging all the slugs on the street." — Fortisvol

6. Chicken of death


"A guy in my college class missed class one day. The next day he came in with his eye covered up and medical paperwork in hand. Apparently he got pecked in the eye by a chicken." — BrrToe

7. Chicken 2: The chickening


"When I was student teaching, I was late because there was bunch chickens in the middle of the road. They wouldn't move at all. This is in the middle of a city of 200,000 people. Freaking chickens.

"I finally get to school and profusely apologize to my mentor teacher and I told her why I was late thinking it sounded ridiculous. She said, 'yeah, those chickens are fucking assholes, they surrounded my car in the McDonalds parking lot last year. Don't worry about it." — Makenshine

8. Cracker Barrel conference


"Taught a group of seniors first period. It was towards the end of the year. I had a class of around 30 and only 5 were there when the bell rang. Halfway through class, the rest of them show up. They went out to Cracker Barrel for breakfast and brought me some back. All was forgiven." — SwansonsLoveChild

9. Beary late


"Bear on the backyard. No access gate. Animal control had to tranq it from the room and drag it through the house. Made the news. Got to retake the test I missed after sending her the news article." — Vladtehwood

10. Present the flat


"We had an exam in my class and the teacher got a message from a student saying that he was going to be late because his car had a flat tire (the student was known to party), the teacher didn't think it could be true, so as a joke the teacher asked him to bring the tire back. He brought the flat tire back in the middle of the exam. Needless to say, the professor didn't expect that." — Sapang

11. Moo


"A kid missed my first-period class one morning but was in school later that day. When I asked him why he hadn't arrived in time for my course, he said his cow was birthing its calf that morning, so he'd picked being in the barn over English. Made sense to me. His essays weren't going to win any ribbons at the county fair, but his calf could." — Bobosbigsister

12. Abduction


"In high school a kid came late to history class. He was a joker so when someone asked him where he had been, he goes 'I was kidnapped.' Everyone laughed, until he goes 'no really.'

"Turns out 2 guys kidnapped him and tossed him into the back of the minivan he was using for his morning paper route. They drove him around while they robbed something. I can’t remember what happens after. I think they just drove the van somewhere and got away." — notinmybackyardcanad

13. Honesty is the best excuse


"Not a teacher, but a kid walked into my class one day and literally just said 'Sorry I'm late, I didn't want to be here.' He wasn't wrong I suppose." — Scally59

14. It actually was the dog


"A little off topic but in 8th grade, a friend of mine turned in their homework late because her dog literally ate her homework. She even brought a note from her parents." — JoeyJoey2004

15. Is this a real excuse? Or is it fantasy?


"'Sorry Bohemian Rhapsody came on just as I parked.' — My art teacher when he was about 5:55 minutes late." — Deeberber

16. "I took a shortcut"


"This happened to me as a pupil; a very quiet, unassuming kid in our class came in to German with about five minutes of the class left. We went to a Catholic school and the teachers were all quite strict and intimidating. Classes were usually silent, especially in junior school. When this boy came into class at the end of the lesson that day, the door flew inwards with such force that the teacher gave an audible gasp.

"It had been raining heavily outside, his hair was plastered to his forehead. His blazer was dripping and sodden. He had mud caked into his trousers up to his knees, and he was breathing heavily. The teacher exclaimed, ‘Brendan! What happened?’ We all stared up at him in shocked silence. This quiet, unassuming little boy let out a big sigh and just said, ‘I took a shortcut.’ And went straight to his seat.

"That line became iconic in our school for years afterward." — lestat85

17. Pug lovers can attest


"Kid was late to school and had to miss a very important football game. The reason? His fat pug fell asleep on his phone. The pug’s fat rolls muffled his alarm." — tip52


This story originally appeared on 02.24.22

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Education

Salesman shares the 2 phrases that will make salespeople leave you alone when shopping

"I'm just looking," doesn't work.

via Antoni Shkraba/Pexels

A salesman selling a car to a skeptical woman.

It can be intimidating to be approached by a salesperson when making a big purchase, such as a car or an appliance. They can swoop in like sharks, seeing blood in the water and some refuse to leave you alone, even if you say, “I’m just looking.”

TikTok's @RussFlipsWhips is a car salesman who went viral with a video explaining why “I’m just looking” doesn’t work on a car lot and providing more effective phrases you can use instead.

"There's two main reasons, and here's what you should say instead of 'I'm just looking,'" he said in a video with over 345,000 views. “One is, we hear it every single day. So when somebody tells me, ‘I’m just looking,’ I’m so used to hearing that, I almost like brush it off and ignore it because I’m like, ‘That’s what the customer’s supposed to say.’ “Secondly, every car salesman has had a customer say, ‘I’m just looking,’ and we ended up selling them a car."


Instead, Russell suggests you say: "Hey, I’d really like to look alone. Can I please have your business card?" or “I’m really not in the market for a car.”


@russflipswhips

Replying to @SoyPablo This is what I would say #carsales #carsalesman #cardealership #carbuyingtips

The post received funny responses from folks who may not qualify for a loan. “The ‘I have 2 repos and no money down' line works wonders,’” one TikToker joked. “I just tell them my credit score and they run,” another added.

In the end, Russell’s suggestions show that sometimes, the best way to get our point across is to be direct and honest. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to shop alone and if the salesperson can respect that request, they deserve the sale if you decide to buy something.


This article originally appeared on 7.16.24

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Kind strangers showed up big for a dad who bought a way-too-tiny lawn mower

"People are so good."

Madison Mealy/TikTok

The young Mealy family was blown away by the instant kindness of their new neighbors.

If you're looking for a reminder of the good in people, we've got some sweet evidence for you.

Madison Mealy and her husband Blake recently moved to a rural area in the Blue Ridge Mountains and are new to country living. Mealy shared a video on TikTok showing her husband mowing the lawn with their baby in a backpack.

Cute, right? The only problem is they have a humongous lawn and her husband was mowing it with the teeniest push mower.

To be fair, if you've never had a big lawn, you may not realize how long it takes to mow and that not all lawn mowers are created equal. (They make riding lawn mowers for a reason, and it's not because of laziness.)

Mealy shared her amusement at having sent her husband out to buy a mower and seeing him come back with the tiny mower. It was going to take him hours to mow their grass.

But after she took a shower and went back to check on his progress, what she found was so heartwarming.

Not one, not two, but several strangers—presumably neighbors—had seen Blake trying to tackle their acreage with a subpar mower, and they showed up to help.

"We don't know any of these people," Mealy wrote.

Watch:

"Reminder: there's a lot of good left in this world," wrote Mealy.

It's true. Helping without being asked. Showing up when you see a need. Taking a burden off of someone's back without expecting anything in return. There are instances of pure human kindness like this all around us, every day, even if they're not right in front of our faces.

We have plenty of viral examples of people at their worst, so it's important that we share humanity at its best. And if you're tempted to think that the former is the norm while goodness is the exception, don't. Studies show that most people are honest, generous and helpful.

As Mealy said, "People are so good." We just need beautiful reminders like this on occasion.

Thanks for providing one of those reminders, Mealy family. (Now go get yourselves a proper mower.)


This article originally appeared on 06.17.22

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4-year-old's emotional intelligence is off the charts and people are giving kudos to his mom

The bedtime conversation between Aldie and his mom is incredible to witness.

@mom_aldie/TikTok

Aldie knows how to articulate his emotions better than most adults.

Sometimes they even stand out from grownups. Take young Aldie, for example, whose ability to articulate his feelings exceeds many adults. When you find out he's barely 4 years old, hearing him calmly talk about his emotions and good choices is all the more remarkable.

Aldie's mom, Jonisa Padernos, tells Upworthy that she's felt he was "really special" since he started talking in full sentences at 20 months. "Believe it or not, he had no major tantrums in his toddler years because he was always able to express [himself] with his words," she says.

Padernos started young, asking Aldie questions and giving him time to answer without interrupting. "I’d always ask his opinion or feelings towards something and I don’t rush him to answer," she says. "I give him time and just listen. I make sure I also tell him how I feel and explain to him because I think kids copy us, and if we do that, they would think that it’s normal to feel all those emotions as long as you can express it with words and [are] able to process it."

Check out the conversation between Aldie and Padernos at bedtime as he goes through a recap of his emotions that day, which has racked up more than 17 million views on TikTok.

@mom_aldie

Bedtime conversation. The last part made me ❤️🥹 #fyp #momlife

The way Aldie shared what he was feeling about his mom not letting him go outside, how he helped his papa make a better choice with his emotions, and how he described the different emotions he feels is more than most adults can muster when they've had "a hard time doing emotions" during the day. And the way Padernos listens and reflects and reassures him is so, so beautiful.

People in the comments agreed.

"Emotionally intelligent, articulate and able to string super sophisticated sentences together," wrote one commenter on Instagram. "I taught 7-year-olds that weren’t this advanced - heck, most adults aren’t this emotionally intelligent. I have confidence in his future and the consequences are working beautifully Mama. We have to raise kids other people will like too. 😍👏"

"Wowwwww….. I’m so amazed by this baby’s EVERYTHING … the emotional intelligence, the vocabulary, empathy, the processing skills…all of it! ❤️❤️❤️❤️" wrote another.

"The most mature conversation I’ve heard about emotions - tbh I don’t think I’ve ever been as honest about my feelings as this little one was 🙌🏽 feeling so inspired by both of them. ♥️🫶🏽✨" shared another.

There's a lot that parents can do to help their children develop this kind of emotional intelligence, and this interaction between Aldie and his mom is a prime example.

"My advice is just be present, encourage kids to tell you how their day was or anything, listen and give them time to express without rushing," says Padernos. "Be patient, consistent and honest when communicating with them. Always remember that kids mirror us and so we have to show and express our emotions so they will be encouraged to also express their feelings to us. And when we get mad or frustrated, also let them know and explain why and apologize if you feel that you’ve let your emotions get in the way."

While not every child will be able to understand and articulate as clearly as Aldie did at such a young age, most kids are far more capable of understanding and processing emotion than we give them credit for. Proactively teaching them how to communicate what they're feeling and explaining how emotions work can go a long way toward helping them develop the self-regulation tools they'll use throughout their life.


This article originally appeared on 4.4.23

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