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What you need to know about clueyness, a weird kind of sad.

It's like conjunctional empathy, and it happens to all of us.

This post was originally published on Wait But Why.

I have a new word for you: cluey. Let me explain.

My father once told me a mundane little anecdote from his youth. It involved his father — my late grandfather — and one of the happiest and most loving people I’ve ever known.

One weekend day, my grandfather went to the store and brought a new board game home for the family: Clue.

He excitedly asked my father and his sister (who were 7 and 9 at the time) if they wanted to play. They did. They joined him at the kitchen table as he opened up the game, read the instructions, explained to them how to play, divided up the cards, and put all the pieces where they go.

Just as they were about to start, the doorbell rang. It was the neighbor kids, who said they were on their way outside to play some outdoor game they all used to play. Without a second thought, my dad and aunt jumped up from their seats and left with their friends.

A few hours later, they came back to the house. The game had been put back in the closet.

At the time, my dad didn’t think much of it — pretty normal day in their lives. But later on, he found himself remembering that day, and he always felt bad about it. He pictured his father sitting there at the table, now alone, with all the cards and pieces laid out. He pictured him waiting for a little while before accepting that it wasn’t gonna happen, then collecting all the pieces and cards he had laid out, putting them back in the box, and putting the box back in the closet.

Pretty random story for my dad to tell me, right? The reason he did was because it was part of a conversation where I was trying to articulate a certain thing I suffer from.

I feel incredibly bad for certain people in certain situations — situations in which the person I feel bad for was probably barely affected by what happened.

It’s an odd feeling of intense heartbreaking compassion for people who didn’t actually go through anything especially bad.

When I explained this, my dad said, “I know what you’re talking about,” and offered up the Clue story. Devastating. My grandfather had been excited about playing, and he was being such a good, loving dad, and he ended up let down and disappointed. He sat there all by himself with the game board, and finally, he put all the cards and pieces back in the box because no, the game wasn’t happening anymore because his kids would rather play with their friends than him.

My grandfather fought in World War II. He probably lost friends. He probably shot people. He might have been shot himself, who knows. But the image of him quietly putting all the Clue pieces back in the box? That’s not fucking OK. And now, thanks to my dad sharing this memory, I live every day haunted by this image:

All images here used with permission from Wait But Why.

It’s not just my dad doing this to me.

Tell me how I’m supposed to handle this fucking story, where the grandfather made 12 burgers for six grandkids and only one showed up.

Full Clue situation. And the story includes the clueyest picture I’ve ever seen:

As I read the story, I started picturing this nice fucking man buying all the ingredients in the grocery store, in a good mood with anticipation for the night, then coming home and making each of the 12 patties by hand — maybe even adding carefully-thought-out spices into them — toasting the buns and timing everything to be done at just the right time. He even made homemade ice cream. Clue up the dick. It continues, if you imagine what happened at the end of the night. Either he wrapped up eight uneaten burgers, one by one, and put them in the fridge, ensuring that he’s later reminded of the rejection each time he heats one up to eat it, or even worse, he just threw them in the trash.

And then there’s this story of an 89-year-old grandmother, who got dressed nicely and put her paintings up for display at an art showing, and guess what? No one fucking came. Then, according to one of her grandchildren, she packed up her paintings and drove home, feeling “foolish.” You know what that is? It’s cluey as hell. Especially the word foolish, in particular. I really don’t need this in my life.

Movies know all about clueyness and use it to their advantage.

Remember that super cluey old man neighbor in "Home Alone"? Who was so nice and lonely and misunderstood? The writers literally invented him to inflict clueyness on the audience so they could then release the burden of that clueyness at the end by showing him in happy reunion with his family. Cheapest trick in the book.

Clueyness doesn’t only apply to old people. One time, about five years ago, I was in a bad mood and in a rush when I hastily walked out of my apartment building. A FedEx man was standing outside the building with his cart of packages, and he wanted to get in so he could leave the packages on top of the communal mailbox (I assume the package recipient wasn’t home, so he had had no luck being buzzed in). As I walked out, he reached for the door as it closed behind me, but it shut before he could grab it. After the door relocked, he let out a frustrated exhale, and then he turned to me and asked, “Can you please open the door so I can drop these off?” I was already 10 steps away though and late, so I said, “Sorry I can’t right now” and turned back toward where I was going. Before I did, I briefly saw his reaction to my refusal to help. He had the face on of a nice person who the world had been mean to all day. The snapshot of that dejected face he made bothered me more and more throughout the day, and now it’s five years later, and I still think about it.

If someone asks me what my biggest regret is, I have to lie because how weird would it be if I answered, “The FedEx man incident. I’m a monster.”

Clueyness is a strange phenomenon.

My grandfather probably forgot about the Clue incident an hour after it happened. The FedEx man probably forgot about what I did to him five minutes later. I got cluey about a dog the other day, when he was super excited to play and I was busy and nudged him away with my foot, and he looked at me confused and taken aback and then went to the side of the room and laid down. The weight of my heartache in these cases outweighs the actual tragedy like 10,000:1.

But knowing that it’s totally irrational doesn’t make clueyness any less excruciating —something I’m reminded of every time my night is ruined by post-Uber-ride-when-the-friendly-driver-tried-to-start-a-conversation-and-I-wasn’t-in-the-mood-so-I-gave-curt-answers-until-he-finally-got-the-hint-and-then-felt-embarrassed-and-stopped guilt.

I’m just destined for a life of feeling cluey about things. But at least I can take solace in a little headline I came across:

Sad Papaw No Longer Sad: Thousands Wait in Line for Burgers at His Cookout

Joy

Hunger in affluent communities: How a Silicon Valley food bank is fighting food insecurity

We can all help fight hunger nationwide with one simple shift in the way we grocery shop.

Photo credit: Canva

Food insecurity is an issue in communities across the United States.

When people hear “Silicon Valley,” hunger isn’t usually the first thing that comes to mind. Instead, most think “global tech hub” and “wealth.” Named after the silicon used in computer chips, this renowned region is home to nearly 3 million residents and is famous for offering some of the highest salaries in the United States.

Given Silicon Valley’s association with wealth, it’s easy to overlook that not everyone living there is affluent. The high cost of living in the area makes it challenging for those without high-paying jobs to make ends meet. Many residents, including those who work full-time, struggle with basic living expenses.

That’s why Second Harvest of Silicon Valley helps provide food to more than 500,000 people across Santa Clara and San Mateo counties. The COVID-19 pandemic and subsequent inflation have prevented many families from getting ahead, making the food bank’s role crucial in providing access to nutritious food.

However, the high cost of living in Silicon Valley is also affecting Second Harvest. Despite the evident need in the community, the food bank had to close its largest warehouse in June 2024 due to rising rent costs.

donationsVolunteers help sort food bank donations.Photo credit: Canva

"Every single week, we receive more than 85 tractor-trailer loads of food. All of that food gets handled at our warehouses and goes back into the community," Second Harvest of Silicon Valley CEO Leslie Bacho told NBC. "Unfortunately, this is our largest facility that we are closing, so we're having to just figure out how we can have that work get done other places."

To help maintain the flow of food, the Albertsons Companies Foundation Nourishing Neighbors Program and O Organics gave Second Harvest of Silicon Valley a $200,000 grant. And they weren’t the only organization to receive funding. Thirty nonprofits received a total of $30,000 in grants during the O Organics $30K in 30 days campaign this past summer to help ease food insecurity. Hunger is an ongoing issue that requires continuous funding, and initiatives like these help ensure that food reaches those in need.

How can we all help make sure people get the food they need?

There are so many worthy organizations that need support to fight hunger, and there are numerous ways to help, from making direct donations and organizing food drives to volunteering. Enhancing these efforts, O Organics provides an easy way for everyone to contribute consistently by simply changing how we grocery shop.

Every time you choose an O Organics product, you not only provide nutritious food for your own family but also help someone facing food insecurity. Through the “Fight Hunger. Serve Hope” program, O Organics has contributed nearly $14 million over the past two years to reduce food insecurity, enabling 56M meals and counting to help fight hunger in local communities.

O Organics helps fight food insecurity.images.albertsons-media.com

Doesn’t organic food cost more than non-organic?

People often assume that organic food is more expensive, but that’s not always true. Many organic products cost the same or even lower than their non-organic equivalents, especially when comparing private label brands like O Organics to national products.

O Organics has products in every aisle of the store, making it easier than ever to find organic products that suit your family’s needs. Purchasing O Organics products also helps support organic agriculture. Small changes that benefit both the planet and its people can add up, and simply choosing one product instead of another can make a significant difference.

No matter where people face food insecurity, whether in Silicon Valley or communities across the U.S., we can all find ways to help. Learn more about how O Organics is helping fight hunger here and look for the O Organics brand at your local Albertsons Companies grocery store, including Albertsons, Safeway, Vons, ACME, Shaw’s, Jewel-Osco and Tom Thumb.
Pop Culture

Middle class families share how much money they have in savings and it's eye-opening

"I transfer money each paycheck but always end up needing to transfer it back."

Photo by Karolina Kaboompics/Pexels

Many middle class families are sharing that they have nothing in savings right now.

According to an April 2024 Gallup poll, 54% of Americans identify as part of the middle class, with 39% identifying as "middle class" and 15% identifying as "upper-middle class." That percentage has held fairly steady for years, but for many, what it feels like to be a middle class American has shifted.

Notably, inflation caused by the pandemic has hit middle class families hard, with incomes not keeping up with cost-of-living increases. Housing costs have skyrocketed in many areas of the country, mortgage interest rates have risen to levels not seen since the pre-Obama era and grocery bills have increased significantly. One government study found that cost of living has increased between around $800 and $1,300 a month depending on the state since 2021, putting a squeeze on everyone, including the middle class.

One woman shared that her family is just getting by and asked other people who identify as middle class to "chime in" with what they have in their savings account.

"I swear, every paycheck I am putting money into my savings, but needing to transfer it back within a few days," shared @abbyy..rosee on TikTok. "My registration is due. My husband's registration is due. He needed two new tires, even though they had a warranty. That's $300. My oldest needs braces, he needs a palate expander, that's $120 a month. Not to mention groceries are $200 more a week. Forget about feeding your family great ingredients because who has $500 a week to spend on perfect ingredients to feed your family?"


@abbyy..rosee

somethings gotta give #savings #middleclass #relatable

She explained that her husband makes enough money that they should be able to live comfortably, and that she quit her job because the cost of daycare was more than she was making.

"At some point, something has to give," she said. "What is going on? How do I save money?"

People in the comments chimed in with their savings account totals and it was quite eye-opening. Many people shared that they have $0 saved.

"We make the most money we ever have and have zero savings. We live paycheck to paycheck and every month I don’t know how we get by."

"I think the middle class is 1 personal disaster away from bankruptcy."

"Y’all got savings accounts?!?! 😂"

"I used to freak out if I had under $10k in savings, now I’m happy when I have over $150. 😫"

"We make almost 100,000 a year with no savings!!!! It's always something!!"

"I'm lucky if we have $500-$1K for an emergency. every single time we start saving something happens. the vet, the cars, the kids... something."

"Savings account? I transfer money each paycheck but always end up needing to transfer it back. My husband makes great money too but we are scraping by."

"$803 but we have to pay a $750 deductible this week b/c my Husband hit a deer soooo… back at it 😭 It’s exhausting. Constantly draining it, refilling it, transferring."

Some people shared that they do have some savings, but several said it was because they'd had an inheritance or other chunk of money come their way. Many people shared that their savings has dwindled as increased costs have taken their toll. Some people gave lifestyle advice to save money, but most agreed that just the basics have gotten so expensive it's harder to make ends meet much less put extra into savings.

Thankfully, the inflation issue appears to be waning, but even just plateauing at their current financial reality isn't ideal for many American families. Middle class is supposed to be a comfortable place to be—not rich, but well enough off to feel secure. That's not how many middle class folks feel, though. Most Americans don't have anything close to the amount of money saved that is recommended across the age spectrum, but at least hearing that others are in the same boat is somewhat comforting.

It can be vulnerable to put your financial reality out there, but it's helpful to hear what other people are doing and dealing with so we all feel less alone when we're struggling. Perhaps if people were more open about money, we'd all be able to help one another find ways to improve our financial situations rather than lamenting our empty savings accounts and wondering how to change it.


This article originally appeared on 7.17.24

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Pop Culture

Move over January 1st. The viral 'October Theory' explains why fall is best for new beginnings.

This actually makes a lot of sense.

@macymorgan_/TikTok

Feeling like it's too late to make your goals? Read this.

Typically our society views New Years as the time for carving out new beginnings. But a now-viral TikTok trend called the “October Theory” argues that this month is actually just as good for recommitting to our goals—which can be great news for folks who have lost a little steam as the year’s end approaches.

As the theory goes, October can elicit a lot of the same feelings of self-reflection that January does. But the key difference—and benefit—is that with October you can act on whatever insights you’ve gathered while you still have a substantial 90 days left with the current year.

In other words, October can act as a “mini New Year.”

Macy Morgan, who shared her interpretation of “October Theory” as early back as last year, and perhaps might have even originate the idea, told TODAY.com, “People get this feeling of anxiousness but also motivation like you would for a new year.”

“People realize that they’re going to be seeing a lot of friends and family who are going to ask a lot of questions, and it just makes them realize like, ‘oh my gosh, we’re really, really close to the end of the year,’ but we’re not there yet. I still have a couple of months left to get my life in order,” she explained.


@macyymorgan_ OCTOBER 1ST THEORY #october #fall #fallaesthetic #theory #fyp #grwm #grwmroutine #makeuptutorial #letschat #grwmmakeup ♬ original sound - Macy


Recently, several more people have shared how they've applied the October Theory to their own goals—beit revamping a fitness routine or making more strides with quarterly work plans.


@emmakatehall October theory is a real thing #octobertheory ♬ Girls - The Dare


@chloevanberkel tik tok comes up with a lot of theories but i’m kinda here for this one #october #octobertheory #firstofthemonth #endoftheyear #fallseason ♬ original sound - Chloe Van Berkel


@reema.sharma Let October theory be real 🙏🏽✨🎃 #october #firstofthemonth #octobertheory #fall #manifesting @jesskaaaa___ #fyp #octobermood ♬ original sound - audios!


And while one should probably always take trendy TikTok theories with a grain of salt, psychology does tend to indicate that autumn contains some extra potency in our collective consciousness.

When asked to speak on the subject by Bustle, Brianna Paruolo, LCMHC, a psychotherapist and founder of On Par Therapy, said, “The autumn season often sparks a natural inclination for transformation. As the leaves change color and fall, we're reminded of the beauty in letting go and embracing new beginnings.”

“This combination of environmental changes and societal rhythms creates a perfect storm for personal transformation,” she added, saying it “allow[s] us to shed old habits — just like trees shedding leaves — and cultivate new aspects of ourselves.”

Plus, any astrology enthusiast will tell you that October begins in Libra season, associated with balance and weighing out every option, and then ushers in Scorpio season, seen as a time of major transformation and renewal. All this to say—there’s plenty of symbolism infused into this time of year, which we can tap into to get an extra boost.

Lastly, it’s worth noting that, at least generally speaking, it takes around 66 days to create a new routine, as productivity expert and author James Clear notes on his website. That means starting a new habit by October could give you plenty of time to actually make it stick.

Honestly, giving yourself time to reflect and and reset your intentions is good any time of the year, but any hack to really get your mind and spirit on board can't hurt trying. As a bonus—you can do celebrate new Year’s in a Halloween costume, which has gotta be more fun.

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Pets

Research shows why you should always pet your dog before leaving the house

via Pixabay

One of the most wonderful things about having a dog is how attached they become to their owners. I work from home and my Jack Russel terrier, Scout, lies next to me on his bed for most of the day. The only time he leaves my office is for a sip of water or to go outside and sun his belly on the porch.

That's why whenever I leave the house and can't take Scout with me, I wonder, "Does he miss me? Is he sad that he's alone?"

Studies show that our dogs miss us the moment we leave the house and that feeling slowly intensifies until we are gone for about four hours and they have a "plateau of melancholy." That's why the longer you're away, the more excited your dog is when you return home.

The moment I pull up in my car Scout begins to howl like a wolf trying to contact someone who's miles away. It's like, "Dude, I'm 30 feet away. Give me a second to grab the groceries out of the trunk."

Researchers from the Universities of Pisa and Perugia, Italy have found that if you give your dog some affection before you leave the house they'll have less anxiety while you're away.

They conducted experiments with 10 dogs between the ages of one and 11 without attachment issues. The group was composed of seven mixed-breed dogs, one Labrador retriever, one Hovawart, and one Chihuahua.

Participants in the study walked their leashed dogs into a fenced area where they were greeted by a researcher who took their dog's heart rate. In the first test, after the owners walked their dogs into the area, they talked with a researcher for one minute then left without giving the dog any special attention.

In the second test, the dog owners petted the dog during their interaction with the researcher.

In both tests, the owners left the fenced area and hid far enough away so that the dog couldn't smell them.

After the owners left, the dogs looked for them for about three minutes on average. After the owners returned, the researchers measured the dogs' levels of the stress hormone cortisol as well as their heart rates.

The researchers found that whether the dogs were petted or not, their cortisol levels were unchanged. But their heart rate showed a marked decrease if the owners petted them before leaving. Researchers later watched videos of the dogs and found that the ones that were petted showed " behaviors indicative of calmness for a longer period while waiting for the owner's return."

Next time I'm ready to leave the house and Scout follows me to the front door after saying, "Sorry bud, you can't go with me on this trip," I'll kneel down and give him a little extra love and attention.

Maybe that way he won't howl like the house is on fire when I pull up in my car after a trip to the grocery store.

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Joy

Teen honors local UPS driver with a tiny public diorama and his reaction is so wholesome

Brandon is beloved in the community.

Images courtesy of Andrea Hanson/Instagram

Brandon the UPS driver checks out the art installation made in his honor.

Service workers help our communities run more smoothly, but their contributions can often go unrecognized. In some instances, however, people in service jobs become household names and beloved fixtures in their community.

A UPS driver named Brandon is apparently one of those people in Red Wing, Minnesota.

Red Wing resident Andrea Hanson shared how her 14-year-old daughter Mari created a delightful art installation called "Petite Postal Place Featuring: Brandon." Set in a tiny box, the square diorama includes shelves of mini boxes and packages with incredible detail, right down to the Amazon Prime packaging and barcodes, with Brandon the UPS driver standing among them.

Hanson shared a video on Instagram of Brandon's reaction to seeing the art installed next to the postal box in his honor, and it's so wholesome. "Shut up!" he kept saying. "I love it…that is the coolest thing ever."

Watch:

Brandon clearly appreciated the gesture—"She made that just for me, though?"—and was blown away by Mari's attention to detail—"The Chewy box!"

Other people also loved the art as well as Brandon's reaction to it:

"Bless all delivery drivers!!!! You have no idea how much that made his day!"

"It’s the 'shut up' and the '4H' and 'fair' giving me those MN vibes. Love this so much."

"“Wait til my buddies see this” awwwwwww.❤️"

"Love his reaction. Saying he’s gonna share with his friends at work. 🥹"

"That is so cool!!! She is very VERY talented! 👏👏 And that is the cutest reaction ever. 🥹🥹"

"Love this. ❤️ His genuine appreciation and love he felt. Nice job!"

Mari's art is part of the Art in the Alley community initiative "designed to turn overlooked spaces in downtown Red Wing into vibrant, engaging places, through the power of community art." The people of Red Wing are encouraged to add something artistic to spaces like the alley where Mari put her art piece and to go check out what others have done.

Mari shared a description of "Petite Postal Place Featuring: Brandon" on the city's downtown website along with her history with art:

photo of mini diorama"Petite Postal Place Featuring: Brandon" by Mari HansonPhoto courtesy of Andrea Hanson

A miniature postal room with shelves filled with packages. Brandon the UPS man is standing proudly in front of the boxes, ready to deliver parcels with his radiant personality. Bio: Once I had the capability to hold a marker, I have been creating artwork. One thing that has been on my Christmas list every year is art supplies. Our dining table was always filled with clay, markers, paint, and paper. When my Dad moved to a new office in the house, I got his old one (which is now turned into my art room). It is filled with every art supply imaginable and is all in its own organized spot. Now I spend hours there every day, creating whatever I think up.

Hanson shared with Upworthy's audience on Instagram that her daughter was thrilled that her art has been making the viral rounds and that Brandon has been tickled by it as well:

"I just want to say that my daughter is so overwhelmed and grateful you’re seeing her hard work. She’s not on social media yet…only 14. But I’ve shown her you cheering her on to never quit making art. 🫶🏻 You are making a difference in her life. And Brandon feels like a rockstar. (Which he is!) Such well deserved love for our local UPS guy. He deserves a raise!!! ❤️"

It's heartening to see community being celebrated in so many ways here, from Brandon's obviously stellar service to Mari's appreciation through art to the community encouraging artistic expression to the people of the internet sharing the love. There may be a whole lot of ick in the world, but shared joys like this are potent reminders that humanity can be a force for good.

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Joy

Meet Pippa, the therapy dog changing lives at a Michigan high school

This golden retriever is more than a pet—she's a key part of the school's mental health team.

Bay City Public Schools

Pippa on her couch waits for her next chance to save the day.

When social worker Kati Loiselle strolls the halls of Bay City Central High School with Pippa, her four-year-old Golden Retriever, students can’t help but light up. Some pause to greet the dog with excitement, while others offer her a calm pat on the head. Pippa, trained to match the mood of those around her, adjusts her behavior accordingly, always offering just what each student seems to need.

Pippa is more than just a cute face and a wagging tail, though. She’s a fully certified therapy dog who plays a vital role in improving the school’s emotional climate, helping students and staff navigate challenging moments. According to Loiselle, “I tell people she actually does my job better than I do.”

Loiselle, a Licensed Master Social Worker with Bay City Public Schools, has been bringing Pippa to work for nearly three years, after realizing the immense benefits therapy dogs bring to the school environment. Pippa’s presence helps with everything from managing behavioral interventions to teaching kids social skills.

Turning bad days around

For Loiselle and the students, Pippa isn’t just a tool for emotional regulation—she’s a friend. “There’s a couple of kids who if they’re having a meltdown and she’s here, they walk them over here. They just say, ‘Pippa!’ And it just totally turns their day around,” Loiselle explained, per Route Bay City.

“They just say, ‘Pippa!’ And it just totally turns their day around.”

— Kati Loiselle

The room Loiselle and Pippa work from is designed with comfort in mind: couches, bean bags, and plenty of dog toys and treats make it a welcoming space for both Pippa and students seeking a break from the pressures of school life. This cozy environment, coupled with Pippa’s natural ability to soothe, makes it a safe space where students can unwind or process their emotions.

Teaching kids life skills through canine companionship

Pippa and Kati Loiselle in the halls of Bay City Public Schools. Kati Loiselle and Pippa in the halls of Bay City Central High. Bay City Public Schools

But beyond emotional support, Pippa is teaching kids valuable skills. Loiselle notes that when students talk about Pippa or even their own pets, it helps them build conversational skills. Pippa also mirrors the emotions of the students around her, which allows Loiselle to teach kids how to recognize and name their feelings. Loiselle uses the dog’s behavior to highlight emotions the students might not be aware of themselves.

Pippa’s influence doesn’t stop at emotional and social development. Last year, Loiselle worked with students to help Pippa earn an American Kennel Club (AKC) certificate for novice tricks, adding to her list of talents. Students have taken ownership of teaching her new tricks, like ringing a bell or weaving through someone’s legs, which has helped them gain confidence in their own abilities.

More than just a school dog

There was even a heartwarming moment when a student asked to use Pippa for a Special Olympics pageant. Although Pippa didn’t perform her tricks on stage, the experience brought joy to the students and the school community.

Therapy dogs like Pippa play an increasingly important role in schools and other institutions. Loiselle explained that universities are beginning to offer certificates in animal-assisted therapy, acknowledging the benefits therapy dogs bring to those in need (Route Bay City).

Pippa’s presence is not just appreciated by the students. Loiselle jokes that the staff may benefit just as much from Pippa’s calming presence. “There’s a handful of staff members who if they’re having a bad day, they come down to see Pippa. After a few minutes, they go back to work,” she said to Midland Daily News.

Every day is a good day for Pippa

Pippa the trained therapy dog.Pippa in her therapy room.Bay City Public Schools

Pippa is just as thrilled to be at school each day as the students are to see her. Loiselle shared that Pippa's enthusiasm is contagious when they arrive in the morning.

With one more year left before Pippa “graduates” alongside the senior class, her legacy of spreading joy and comfort at Bay City Central will undoubtedly endure long after. Whether it’s de-escalating a stressful situation, teaching a new trick, or brightening someone’s day, Pippa is proof of the powerful bond between humans and animals.

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