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Someone asked what women would dislike most if they became men. The answers are eye-opening.

Men shared a lot of feelings we don't often hear expressed.

man sitting looking contemplative
Photo credit: Canva

A lot of men struggle more than we know.

For decades, women's liberation, Me Too and other movements have shed light on the reality of being a woman in a patriarchal society. As a result, we've all gained a better understanding of how women are impacted by sexism and have slowly but surely re-examined social norms that have negatively affected women throughout history.

What's often been overlooked, though, is how patriarchal norms negatively affect men as well. We know that men have been discouraged by society from sharing their feelings, but the notion that men don't open up because it's "unmanly" is also an oversimplification. Sure, there are men who don't know how to express their feelings, but there are also conscientious, emotionally available men who don't talk about the hard parts of being a man out loud because they don't want to overshadow women's concerns with their own. It's ironic that a sensitivity to women can get in the way of openly sharing the reality of being a man, but here we are.

A question posed on Reddit provided an invitation for men to open up with its unique framing: "What would women dislike most if they became men?" and men took the opportunity to share things that women might not realize they struggle with.

While there may be a temptation to compare these things to what women deal with, listening with compassion and an open mind goes a long way toward building understanding and empathy. Considering the fact that suicide rates among men are four times higher than women, we need more understanding because clearly a lot of men are struggling.

Here are some of the things men shared:

Trying to convince people you're not scary or creepy

Women are generally viewed as safe, while men are seen as potential threats. There are understandable reasons for that, but women may not realize how exhausting it is to try to navigate that as a man who genuinely isn't a threat. It hurts to know that people are automatically afraid of you.

"People being afraid of you for nothing you have done."

"Constantly worrying about not looking like a creep. Seriously, shit is exhausting. I’m a 5ft 10 inches, 225lbs, muscular black dude. I know damn well that that I’m probably the last person a woman(or anyone for that matter) wants to see walking behind them while they are alone at night.

I work in retail too so there’s times where I will walk around the store just to avoid walking behind women just to make them feel better.

Just to be clear, I’m not saying that women aren’t justified for being wary. I completely understand why they might feel that way but it just sucks constantly trying to make sure I don’t accidentally look like a creep."

man walking alone behind a busMen are automatically seen as a potential threat.Photo credit: Canva

"I’m 6’1, 265 lbs, brown, bald. No one has sat next to me on a bus in years. A child refused to sit next to me on a flight once and threw a tantrum about it. I ignored her the entire time. But oof that hurt. I cried watching Coco."

"Dude as a 6'2 fat dude with a beard I feel like being perceived as a creep is responsible for like 80% of my social anxiety, like I can't casually physically interact with anyone cause I'm scared of being called a creep."

"I’ll never forget the feeling of a loss of innocence when I was around 17yo and a woman grabbed her kid as I was walking towards my car (it looked like I was walking towards the kid who was in the general trajectory in the parking lot) and it dawned on me 'oh, I’m no longer seen as a child, I’m a potential threat now.' It was such a weird feeling."

Being viewed with suspicion around children

Women can say they love kids and show affection toward them without much of an eyebrow raise. But men who love children in pure and wholesome ways can't express that without people assuming or fearing they're a pedophile.

"People thinking you're a pedo when you're watching your own kid at the park."

"Being viewed with suspicion whenever I interact with children. Plenty of shitty things about being female, but that one is particularly sad for men."

"It's really sad, because children have this reckless abandon that is fun to watch. Running around and playing with no greater purpose in mind, just enjoying being alive without thinking about what's above and below.

I can't go to public parks without being looked at like I'm a predator, much less go anywhere where children are playing without the exact same vitriol but on steroids. Children are fun to watch, and I'm not there watching for some sick sexual thrill or to hurt anyone, I just like to be reminded that I once WAS one of those children not so long ago."

man playing with two small childrenDad playing with kidsPhoto credit: Canva

Being seen as the lesser parent

Much has been made of women often being the "default parent" who shoulders most of the mental burden of parenting. But a lot of that is social expectation, and even men who try to take on an equal share of parenting duties find that they're fighting an uphill battle to be treated as an equal parent.

"Being treated like a second rate parent even if you're the only parent."

"While signing up for a daycare I told them to call me first if our kids got sick. They said “weeee usuallyyyyyyy caaaaaaalll the mooommm fiiiiiirst…??” With a confirming look towards my wife.

I told them I wfh 5 minutes away and my wife is a teacher so if they want to waste their time calling my wife first go ahead but I’ll be (and am) usually the one to pick them up.

They still call my wife first."

"I was a stay at home dad. I told the teachers that when I met them at the beginning of the year. I was listed first in primary contacts. The number of times the school called my wife at work and then she called me so I could go pick up a sick kid was too high."

"ThEy LeTtInG yOu BaBySiT?"

"Whenever my wife is without our kid they're always asking who is watching him. Like I am. His father. He's not being babysat, he's not being watched, he's just at home with me. Foreign concept to so many people."

Alternatively, being seen as a hero for doing basic parenting things

On the flip side, a lot of men shared their bafflement at being venerated for doing very basic parenting things. While this may not seem like something to complain about, it's a bit infantilizing if you think about it.

"Sometimes I'm just chilling with my kids at the park and get told I'm the best dad ever. Like I'm doing the bare minimum right now ma'am. This is the floor of what I should be praised for, not the ceiling."

dad with baby in baby carrier at grocery storeDads go grocery shopping with kids, too.Photo credit: Canva

"When my sister had her kids her ex husband used to occasionally take his baby to work at the community college in a sling and lecture with the baby. He became totally famous on campus as the best dad ever and he was shared viral on local social media as being totally adorable Meanwhile she was just a mom with a baby, completely unremarkable. No praise, just general annoyance from strangers that she even had her baby out in public."

"I noticed this when I had custody of the kids after we separated. I was a freaking hero for attempting what millions of single moms have been doing forever. And it was in the eyes of women ( most men didn't care or notice) that my status was elevated while many of them were looking down their noses at the single mom's. Double standard for sure."

"Yeah I was going to say.. in the experience of me and one of my close friends, as a guy, the bar for being considered a great parent is disturbingly low."

The expectation to be an actual hero—and being seen as expendable

"Women and children first" has been a standard of emergency response forever, which isn't inherently bad but does send a message about the expendability of men. Imagine being told that your life is less valuable as a rule.

"If danger comes knocking, you have to answer the door while everyone else runs for the hills."

"I love how people are only outraged if women and children die. Like every dude aint also someone's son."

"Yup. If I’m a man dying, who cares. If I want a shred of sympathy, I have to describe myself as a husband, a father, or a provider."

"People see men as expendable."

"Off to the front lines you go."

"I learned from a thread a few weeks ago that women have no concept of this whatsoever. It hasn't even occurred to them that they could be considered more expendable than another person by default and they're offended that it would even be a possibility."

Men's lives are seen as expendable in some ways.Photo credit: Canva

A lack of compliments

Of course, there are women who don't feel like they get many compliments as well, but it appears to be a particular issue with men. Perhaps women compliment each other more, and men don't. Or perhaps it's that men misinterpret compliments as flirting too often, so women don't offer them to men as much.

"You may go a year or ten without a single compliment. Many men are laying in their casket before many good things are ever said about them."

"I had a woman complement my parallel parking skills 30 years ago, I can tell you when and where."

"So true, lmao. The last "real" compliment I got was 3 years ago (lmao) that too from my dad's (male) boss who said I've an amazing smile.

Well, unless my mom counts? I'm the most eligible bachelor in India as far as she's concerned. 😂"

"The whole thing is an ugly catch 22. Men think compliments are flirting because they don't get enough compliments, but women avoid complimenting them because they don't want them to think it's flirting."

The genuinely confusing messages about showing emotion

The common refrain is that men should show their emotions more and that women will respond positively to that. But in reality, many women have been as conditioned as men to view male emotion as weakness, and some respond accordingly.

"Crying in front of people has the exact opposite effect."

"'why don't you open up emotionally?'

Opens up emotionally

'I can't explain it, but I'm just, not attracted to you anymore.'"

"This one is real tho. You get shunned for not opening up, and you get shunned for opening up."

"I joined a support group for victims of something I'm not going to get into, but the amount of guys who had their wives/girlfriends abandon them or cheat on them almost immediately after a traumatic experience like a parent dying or being the victim of a violent crime was staggering. As soon as they showed emotion, 'weakness' and needing support themselves, it was all over for the relationship."

Many men feel like they can't show emotion even when they want to.Photo credit: Canva

"Yup. When I got the call that my dad's cancer had spread to his brain and was terminal, I was at work and started to cry. It wasn't a sob or ugly cry at all and I was trying to keep it together. Once my coworkers in the office noticed, they just quietly got up and walked into another room without saying anything. I tried to focus on my work and pull it together, but after about 3 minutes I was literally alone in the room. It was an open concept kind of office and there were about 15-18 desks in the room. Nobody said anything. Nobody asked if I was ok. They just got up a left.

About 15 minutes later the office manager asked if I needed to leave for the day because I was making other people uncomfortable. I heard at least one group of people joking about it on my way out.

I ended up quitting a couple of months later because everybody treated me completely different afterwards. I went from being the funny guy at work to the weird guy who cried at work."

There were some other things men shared that are worth taking a look at, but the bottom line is that there's genuine value in putting ourselves in other people's shoes. Just as women want men to understand what we deal with on a daily basis, men also have experiences and feelings that go unrecognized and unacknowledged. We all have a lot to learn and unlearn as we make our way toward gender equality, and truly understanding one another's realities is a vital step in that direction.


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Neuroscientists say a simple trick will help you learn any new skill a lot faster

Learning a new skill? Here's how to quickly level-up.

guitar, learning a skill, neuroscience, music, exposure, passive exposure, gardening
via Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

A woman learning how to play guitar.

Learning a new skill, such as playing an instrument, gardening, or picking up a new language, takes a lot of time and practice, whether that means scale training, learning about native plants, or using flashcards to memorize new words. To improve through practice, you have to perform the task repeatedly and receive feedback so you know whether you’re doing it correctly. Is my pitch correct? Did my geraniums bloom? Is my pronunciation understandable?

However, a new study by researchers at the Institute of Neuroscience at the University of Oregon shows that you can speed up these processes by adding a third element to practice and feedback: passive exposure. The good news is that passive exposure requires minimal effort and is enjoyable.

"Active learning of a... task requires both expending effort to perform the task and having access to feedback about task performance," the study authors explained. "Passive exposure to sensory stimuli, on the other hand, is relatively effortless and does not require feedback about performance."


woman reading, woman book, young woman, studying, new skills A woman reading a book.via Canva/Photos

How to pick up new skills faster?

So, if you’re learning to play the blues on guitar, listen to plenty of Howlin’ Wolf or Robert Johnson throughout the day. If you’re learning to cook, keep the Food Network on TV in the background to absorb some great culinary advice. Learning to garden? Take the time to notice the flora and fauna in your neighborhood or make frequent trips to your local botanical garden.

If you’re learning a new language, watch plenty of TV and films in the language you are learning. The scientists add that auditory learning is especially helpful, so listen to plenty of audiobooks or podcasts on the subject you’re learning about.

But, of course, you also have to be actively learning the skill as well by practicing your guitar for the recommended hours each day or by taking a class in languages. Passive exposure won't do the work for you, but it's a fantastic way to pick up things more quickly. Further, passive exposure keeps the new skill you're learning top-of-mind, so you're probably more likely to actively practice it.

What is passive exposure?

Researchers discovered the tremendous benefits of passive exposure after studying a group of mice. They trained them to find water by using various sounds to give positive or negative feedback, like playing a game of “hot or cold.” Some mice were passively exposed to these sounds when they weren't looking for water. Those who received this additional passive exposure and those who received active training learned to find the water reward more quickly.

gardening, woman gardening, gardening shears, leaning gardening, weeds A woman tending to her garden.via Canva/Photos


“Our results suggest that, in mice and in humans, a given performance threshold can be achieved with relatively less effort by combining low-effort passive exposure with active training,” James Murray, a neuroscientist who led the study, told University of Oregon News. “This insight could be helpful for humans learning an instrument or a second language, though more work will be needed to better understand how this applies to more complex tasks and how to optimize training schedules that combine passive exposure with active training.”

The one drawback to this study was that it was conducted on mice, not humans. However, recent studies on humans have found similar results, such as in sports. If you visualize yourself excelling at the sport or mentally rehearse a practice routine, it can positively affect your actual performance. Showing, once again, that when it comes to picking up a new skill, exposure is key.

The great news about the story is that, in addition to giving people a new way to approach learning, it’s an excuse for us to enjoy the things we love even more. If you enjoy listening to blues music so much that you decided to learn for yourself, it’s another reason to make it an even more significant part of your life.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

This article originally appeared last year.

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2,000 people sing directly to ICE agents in Minneapolis, beautifully imploring them to come together

The "singing resistance" choir shows the power of incorporating art into peaceful protests.

singing resistance, singing protest, ice protest, minneapolis, non-violent resistance
Courtesy of @dougpagitt/Instagram

The "singing resistance" is growing in Minneapolis and beyond.

From the night the Sons of Liberty dumped hundreds of chests of tea into Boston Harbor in 1773, Americans have protested government policies and actions they disagree with in various ways. Some have staged peaceful sit-ins, while others have rioted in rage. Millions have marched to make their voices heard, carrying signs and chanting slogans that express their displeasure with what's happening in their country.

But occasionally, a unique form of protest stands out. Several weeks into the ICE operation in Minneapolis, in which the federal government sent 2,000+ agents and officers to carry out "the largest immigration operation ever," and which has led to disruptions at schools, conflict between federal agents and the community, and the killing of U.S. citizens, thousands of Minnesota residents have taken to the streets in protest. Among them is a growing band of singers who, instead of calling out the government with shouting and chants, are calling in the federal agents with songs and signs, inviting them to join the resistance.

It's a different approach to take, tapping into the humanity of individual agents instead of confronting the government as a whole. But 2,000 people have added their voices to the "singing resistance," forming a massive choir. They gather at a church to practice their songs, then take their message to the places where ICE agents are staying, singing:

We walk the same ground

We've been torn apart

Put down your weapons

And sing your part


The effect of combining the arts with our constitutional right to peacefully assemble is powerful, and the signs the singing resisters are holding are, too: "Please ICE agents. Join Us." "Love > Fear," "Choose Humanity. Quit ICE." "Stop the Violence." "We Are Family." "Be the hero that walks away." "The time is always right to do what is right." "You, too, are here to love and be loved."

The Singing Resistance Instagram account shared the heart of the message the singers hope to send to ICE agents, imploring them to quit their jobs and join "the side of love and humanity":

"Under federal occupation, Minneapolis has been going through immense pain, rage, and grief. But when they come at us with violence, we fight back with love. We still have space in our hearts for ICE agents who are willing to walk away from the path of violence and take accountability for harm they’ve caused. We paid ICE agents a visit today to call them home."

Another song they sang says:

It’s okay to change your mind
Show us your courage
Leave this behind
It’s okay to change your mind
And you can join us
Join us here anytime

The idea of inviting agents and officers to join a resistance movement isn't without precedent. Singing resistance organizers shared that they were inspired by the Otpor! civil resistance that helped overthrow Serbian dictator Slobodan Milosevic in 2000. Otpor! members would chant, "You may not join us today, but you can join us tomorrow," when they were arrested by the police. Ultimately, when hundreds of thousands marched on Belgrade, most of the police and military joined the opposition and refused to follow Milosevic's orders to fire on the protesters.

According to an Ipsos poll conducted on January 30 and 31, 2026, a full 62 percent of U.S. adults feel ICE’s actions go too far, compared to 13 percent who think they don't go far enough and 23 percent who said it was about right. That disapproval is four points higher than the week before, indicating that the ICE operations are unpopular with Americans, even those who normally support the Trump administration's policies.

People from all over the United States shared words of encouragement for the choir, expressing how moved they are by the singing resistance:

"I love how the singing is both dissent/resistance and it feeds hope and replenishes energy. It is so soul-nourishing. I’d love to be a part of this! Sending my love and care to you all from Maryland as a MN born and raised woman. Sing on!!!"

"I think the music resistance is very effective and moving. Thank you for all your fine efforts from way over here in upstate New York. Thank you for standing up for all of us in the country."

"We are one chord, beautiful beautiful voices thank you so much for sharing Minnesota. I’m a musician and singer here in Eugene, Or, and when I hear hundreds of you singing like that, I cannot tell you how healing it is for me how powerful and indeed how brave."

"I have a song in my heart again! After weeks of crying crying in despair, thank you for singing us into a hopeful future of healing, reconciliation, and RESISTANCE❤️

"This is more revolutionary than so many know."

"Prince left his legacy forever. Minneapolis strong."

"This reminds me of Estonia's singing revolution and I'm here for it. ❤️❤️"

The Singing Resistance account has shared a toolkit and songbook and organized a virtual training on how to organize a local singing resistance choir for those interested in doing something similar.

The right to peacefully assemble and voice our disagreement with our government is guaranteed in the Constitution, and there are many creative ways to do it. When people are singing in harmony in the street, it not only gets attention, but it's hard to criticize or confront that kind of peaceful protest. (Imagine the optics of trying to break up a peacefully singing crowd.) Will the choir's earworms calling to their humanity really make a difference with any ICE agents in Minneapolis? Time will tell. In the meantime, people around the world are hearing them loud and clear and joining the harmonious chorus of non-violent resistance.

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I showed my Gen Z kids 'Dead Poets Society' and their angry reactions to it floored me

"Inspiring" apparently means different things to Gen X and Gen Z.

Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, gen x and gen z differences
Rotten Tomatoes Classic Trailers/YouTube

Robin Williams played inspiring English teacher John Keating in "Dead Poets Society."

As a Gen X parent of Gen Z teens and young adults, I'm used to cringing at things from 80s and 90s movies that haven't aged well. However, a beloved film from my youth that I thought they'd love, "Dead Poets Society," sparked some unexpectedly negative responses in my kids, shining a spotlight on generational differences I didn't even know existed.

I probably watched "Dead Poets Society" a dozen or more times as a teen and young adult, always finding it aesthetically beautiful, tragically sad, and profoundly inspiring. That film was one of the reasons I decided to become an English teacher, inspired as I was by Robin Williams' portrayal of the passionately unconventional English teacher, John Keating.

The way Mr. Keating shared his love of beauty and poetry with a class of high school boys at a stuffy prep school, encouraging them to "seize the day" and "suck all the marrow out of life," hit me right in my idealistic youthful heart. And when those boys stood up on their desks for him at the end of the film, defying the headmaster who held their futures in his hands? What a moving moment of triumph and support.

My Gen Z kids, however, saw the ending differently. They did love the feel of the film, which I expected with its warm, cozy, comforting vibe (at least up until the last 20 minutes or so). They loved Mr. Keating, because how can you not? But when the movie ended, I was taken aback hearing "That was terrible!" and "Why would you traumatize me like that?" before they also admitted, "But it was so gooood!"

- YouTube youtu.be

The traumatize part I actually get—I'd forgotten just how incredibly heavy the film gets all of a sudden. (A caveat I feel the need to add here: Gen Z uses the word "traumatize" not in a clinical sense but as an exaggerative term for being hit unexpectedly by something sad or disturbing. They know they weren't literally traumatized by the movie.)

But in discussing it further, I discovered three main generational differences that impacted my kids' "Dead Poets Society" viewing experience and what they took away from it.

1) Gen Z sees inspiring change through a systemic lens, not an individual one

The first thing my 20-year-old said when the credits rolled was, "What? That's terrible! Nothing changed! He got fired and the school is still run by a bunch of stodgy old white men forcing everyone to conform!" My immediate response was, "Yeah, but he changed those boys' individual lives, didn't he? He helped broaden their minds and see the world differently."

o captain my captain, dead poets society Individual impact isn't as inspiring to Gen Z as it was to Gen X. Giphy

I realized that Gen X youth valued individuals going against the old, outdated system and doing their own thing, whereas Gen Z values the dismantling of the system itself. For Gen X, Mr. Keating and the boys taking a stand was inspiring, but the fact that it didn't actually change anything outside of their own individual experiences stuck like a needle in my Gen Z kids' craw.

2) Gen Z isn't accustomed to being blindsided by tragic storylines with no warning

To be fair, I did tell them there was "a sad part" before the movie started. But I'd forgotten how deeply devastating the last part of the movie was, so my daughter's "Why would you do that to me?!" was somewhat warranted. "I thought maybe a dog would die or something!" she said. No one really expected one of the main characters to die by suicide and the beloved teacher protagonist to be blamed for his death, but I'd somehow minimized the tragedy of it all in my memory so my "sad part" warning was a little insufficient.

But also to be fair, Gen X youth never got any such warnings—we were just blindsided by tragic plot twists all the time. As kids, we cheered on Atreyu trying to save his horse from the swamp in "The Neverending Story" only to watch him drown. Adults showed us "Watership Down" thinking it would be a cute little animated film about bunnies. We were slapped in the face by the tragic child death in "My Girl," which was marketed as a sweet coming of age movie.

Gen Z was raised in the era of trigger warnings and trauma-informed practices, while Gen X kids watched a teacher die on live TV in our classrooms with zero follow-up on how we were processing it. Those differences became apparent real quick at the end of this movie.

The Never Ending Story Atreyu GIFfrom The Never Ending Story GIFs


3) Gen Z fixates on boundary-crossing behavior that Gen X either overlooked or saw as more nuanced

The other reaction I wasn't expecting was the utter disdain my girls showed for Knox Overstreet, the sweet-but-over-eager character who fell for the football player's cheerleader girlfriend. His boundary-crossing attempts to woo her were always cringe, but for Gen X, cringe behavior in the name of love was generally either overlooked, tolerated, or sometimes even celebrated. (Standing on a girl's lawn in the middle of the night holding a full-volume stereo over your head was peak romance for Gen X, remember.) For Gen Z, the only thing worse than cringe is predatory behavior, which Knox's obsessiveness and pushiness could arguably be seen as. My own young Gen X lens saw Knox and said, "That's a bit much, dude. Take it down a notch or three." My Gen Z daughters' lens said, "That guy's a total creepo. She needs to run far the other way."

run, red flag behavior Gen Z is much more black and white about behaviors than previous generations. Giphy Red Flag Run GIF by BuzzFeed

On one hand, I was proud of them for recognizing red flag behaviors and calling them out. On the other hand, I saw how little room there is for nuance in their perceptions, which was…interesting.

To be clear, I don't think my Gen Z kids' reactions to "Dead Poets Society" are wrong; they're just different than mine were at their age. We're usually on the same page when it comes to these kinds of analyses, so seeing them have a drastically different reaction to something I loved at their age was really something. Now I'm wondering what other favorite movies from my youth I should show them to see if they view those differently as well—hopefully without "traumatizing" them too much with the experience.

This article originally appeared in January.

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British etiquette expert shares 5 simple tips for people who think they're 'above small talk'

"You don't hate small talk. you're just terrible at it."

social skills, michael baker, conversation tips, small talk, small talk tips, social science, how to be social, making friends
Photo credit: Canva

Two men having a conversation

You probably heard plenty of people say they hate small talk. You might even consider yourself someone who loathes it. One of the most common arguments against small talk is that it’s “superficial,” energy draining, and doesn’t foster a real human connection.

Well, according to British etiquette enthusiast and content creator on all things conversation-related (not to mention author) Michael Baker, “You don’t hate small talk. You’re just terrible at it.”

In an Instagram post, Baker argued that those who see small talk as “beneath them” are failing to see it as a “test” (for compatibility, connection, shared values, etc.), which will inevitably lead to getting “left out.”

He then gave five tips to help folks shift that mindset and make small talk work for them. Honestly, even those who aren’t adamantly against small talk might find themselves guilty of some of these mistakes and could benefit from making these tweaks.

five, five fingers, five tips, man, advice, help Young man holds up his hand to show five.Photo credit: Canva

#1 Avoid answering questions too literally

Perhaps in an attempt to be authentic, or to avoid taking up all the oxygen in the room, people might use responses that are accurate and succinct, but not exactly conversational. This doesn’t give the other person anything to “bounce off of,” which is what’s really being asked for.

To remedy this, Baker suggests to always give a real response plus a “hook.” He gave the example of saying “Mostly work, but I’m trying to teach myself how to play guitar. Chaos!” when asked, “What have you been up to?” rather than saying “Not much, just working.”

#2 Don’t ask questions like it’s a job interview

Baker says ask “open-ended, low-stakes” questions like “what’s keeping you busy outside of work?” to invite a sense of “play.” Conversely, asking things like “where are you from?” invites a sense of formality, pressuring people to “perform.”

social skills, michael baker, conversation tips, small talk, small talk tips, social science, how to be social, making friends Two women having a conversation at a coffee shop. Photo credit: Canva

#3 Allow depth to come in naturally

Since the thought of shallow conversation might seem uncomfortable, those who are small talk-averse might find themselves immediately asking overarching existential questions like, “What drives you?” Baker argues that one must trust that “shallow comes before depth,” and must be used as a “warm-up act.” Otherwise, people are put on the spot unnecessarily, which obviously doesn't foster connection.

#4 Initiate conversation instead of only speaking when spoken to

What may seem like “politeness” can come across as unapproachable. The good thing is: this is an opportunity for some “low-pressure,” even “lightly self-deprecating” observations. Baker used the example of saying, “That snack table’s dangerously close to me.”

#5 Treat small talk as the “main event”

social skills, michael baker, conversation tips, small talk, small talk tips, social science, how to be social, making friends Two women talking as the leave a yoga classPhoto credit: Canva

This might be the biggest tip of all. Here, Baker reminds us that for the majority of human interaction, small talk is the way in, and therefore should be “respected.” Virtually no one is going to say, “Let’s network,” but odds are they’ll easily comment on the weather. It’s our job to learn what they’re really saying with this mundane phrase.

Because, at the end of the day, “if you keep waiting for ‘real’ conversation, you’ll miss all the real opportunities,” Baker writes.

After reading these tips, you very well might still loathe the idea of small talk, which is totally fine. It doesn’t have to be for everyone, nor should it. But what Baker really presents here is a way to reflect on whether or not our attitudes are preventing us from making valuable connections. If we suspect that might be the case, then it could be worth experimenting with some of these tools.

If you’d like even more tips, Baker has a guide aptly titled Let’s Not Make It Weird, which you can check out here.

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Experts explain why sloth-like 'slowmaxxing' can actually fix your brain

This is the best social media trend in years.

slowmaxxing, slow living, slowing down, calm, comfort, mental health, wellness, mental wellbeing, psychology
Photo credit: Canva

"Slowmaxxing" is all about doing one thing at a time, as slowly as possible, to re-train your nervous system.

Many of us live in a constant state of urgency. Technology and societal advancements have made progress and communication nearly instant, so the pressure to be "always on" and always productive has skyrocketed. We multi-task constantly, so much so that many of our lives can be perfectly summed up by our overloaded web browsers. The average person has five to ten browser tabs open at any given time, with many juggling dozens or even hundreds at a time. We've got a work spreadsheet, a potential dinner recipe, a PDF form for the doctor, and a bill-to-be-paid all sitting there staring at us while our phones and chat apps buzz and ping.

Not surprisingly, this level of chaos is not good for our brains, and it's only made worse by the rise of algorithmic, short-form social media content that has wreaked havoc on our body's dopamine reward system.

But some people are claiming they've found a solution, and the experts seem to agree that it can help. It's called "slowmaxxing" and it's beautiful in its simplicity.

If you're not fluent in Gen Z brainrot vernacular, the suffix "maxxing" just means to optimize that aspect of your life. "Looksmaxxing," for example, is an intense form of grooming, diet, exercise, skincare, and fashion to get the most of our your appearance. "Slowmaxxing," then, is living life as slowly as possible.

The idea of slow living is nothing novel, but "slowmaxxing" really began to take hold in the last few years after a since deleted Tweet went hugely viral:

"You need to be reading long, fat books. You need to be making 48-hour chocolate chip cookies. You need to spend hours watching wildlife, you need to spend 15+ min making your coffee. You need to breathe in and out. You need to be slow."

Millions viewed and shared the post, and it has since been iterated and re-posted on Instagram and TikTok countless times. The sentiment, it seems, has really struck a nerve with people who feel burnt-out and overloaded.

@monroviaboycore

You need to 🤗 this song is “rust.” I hope you add it to all your summertime playlists :) #folkmusic #gregoryalanisakov #taylorswift

Doing things slowly sounds great. It sounds cozy, comforting, and calming. But what it does to your brain may actually be critically important.

First, we have to understand what our "fast-paced" lifestyle is really doing to our psychologies, and why it feels wrong and uncomfortable for so many of us when we try to rest.

"When someone spends years in a high stimulus environment, with all the constant pings, rushing to get here and there, attempts at multitasking, their nervous system becomes so adapted to urgency that resting actually feels unsafe," Stephanie Steele-Wren, a licensed psychologist and owner of PsychologyWorks tells Upworthy. "The brain essentially learns that stillness is an unfamiliar concept and becomes suspicious if you aren’t always doing something."

That's why slowing down and resting isn't merely as simple as sitting down to read a book, or laying on the beach once or twice a year. When you're not well-practiced in the art of stillness, those moments of rest feel uncomfortable or even scary. Sometimes, even incredibly simple mundane inconveniences like waiting for a glass of water to fill up or standing in a short line for coffee can be excruciatingly frustrating.

"Intentionally slowing down is less about relaxing and more about recalibrating how our nervous systems respond to the environment," Steele-Wren says.

The good news is that it's easy to try slowmaxxing. Any screen-free task that you focus on without multi-tasking for an extended amount of time is great training for your brain and nervous system:

  • Making and drinking your morning coffee as its own activity (perhaps while staring out the window)
  • Soft hiking, or leisurely strolling through nature and taking in the sights, smells, and sounds with no emphasis on distance, exercise, or destination
  • A walk around the block with no music or podcast
  • Cooking at your own pace and savoring the colors and flavors of the ingredients
  • Enjoying slow, screen-free meals—maybe on a patio where you can people watch or listen to the birds
  • Reading a book for long stretches, appreciating and re-reading the prose and not rushing to check it off your To Be Read list
  • Listening to music as a primary activity and not background noise
  • Walking next to or behind "slow walkers" instead of zooming around them
  • Not racing through yellow lights, and being content to catch the next cycle

The concept is simple, but slowmaxxing may feel uncomfortable or difficult at first. That's a strong sign that it could do you some good.

"If slowing down feels uncomfortable, that discomfort is okay. The brain is simply reacting the way it has been trained," says Steele-Wren. She says grounding tasks like using a fidget spinner can be useful if your body is feeling overwhelmed by the need to do something during moments of stillness.

"A helpful approach that helps over time is to start with very very small doses of slowing down. Maybe that is sixty seconds or so of intentional slowness, such as brushing your teeth mindfully, folding laundry without a podcast and no streaming services on in the background, or drinking one cup of coffee without picking up your phone."

She adds that it takes practice and consistence to re-train the way your body and brain react to slowness and come out of "24/7 survival mode."

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The benefits, once you've begun to re-regulate, are enormous. One of the biggest laments of many adults is how quickly time goes by, and that it seems to go by faster and faster as we age. Ironically, slowing down and doing less may be one solution.

"Make a conscious effort to slow down. Take a few moments to release your attention from activity and take in the reality of where you are and what you’re doing. You might find that your day becomes longer as a result," writes author Steve Taylor for Psychology Today. "By living slowly, we experience much more reality, since we become present. We also find life much less stressful, and more fulfilling."

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