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What we can learn from what Kim Davis and the Pope did this week

Here are the do's and don'ts of faith, ripped from the headlines.

This week was a pretty big week for God in the news.

Well, OK. Maybe God wasn't the hot topic. But religion certainly was. There were two very big stories that seemed to have little in common, but both can teach us some important lessons about religion if we look closely enough.

The first was the saga of Kim Davis. The Kentucky clerk refused to do her job and sign marriage certificates for same-sex couples in the name of "conscience" and in doing so, she became a national symbol for anyone who opposes marriage equality on religious grounds.



Kim Davis at her church service, er, I mean, rally. Photo by Ty Wright/Getty Images.

According to Davis — who spent five days in jail and was greeted at her release by presidential candidate Mike Huckabee and hundreds of cheering, cross-waving supporters — it was her faith and her religious conviction that made her do it.

Contrast that with the second time that religion took center stage this week: Pope Francis encouraged every single Catholic parish in Europe to "take in one migrant family."The call to the region's approximately 120,000 parishes was made in response to the continent's ongoing refugee crisis, which has hit record levels and finally shocked the world into paying attention.



Photo by Vincenzo Pinto/Getty Images.

“In front of the tragedy of the tens of thousands of refugees escaping death by war or hunger, on the path towards the hope of life, the Gospel calls us, asks us to be 'neighbors' of the smallest and most abandoned." — Pope Francis

Why should we look at those two stories together? For sure, there are plenty of legal, political, and theological debates that can be had about both Kim Davis and Pope Francis.

But to me, the most interesting part of these two stories — and what connects them — is what they both can teach us about faith.

Strong faith can be a tremendous force for good in the world. It has helped provide education and basic needs for millions of people and has been a foundational component of civil and human rights efforts all around the world, the most famous of which is the 1960s American civil rights movement.

Photo via the Abernathy family/Wikimedia Commons.

But we also know that faith can be very dangerous. It has been used to justify things like slavery, the oppression of women, and most recently, the killing of gays all over the world.

How can something so good do such bad? Or, if you're not a person of faith, maybe you're wondering how something so bad can do such good.

Here's my theory.

I think of faith as the ideas and beliefs that people have about God. But religion is the tricky part — the rules and practices that humans created to figure out how to actually connect with their god.

In all the major world religions, the practices and rules were created in a very specific cultural context (like, for example, 2,000 years ago in "Bible times"). But when cultures change, which they're guaranteed to do, things get toughfor religion.

The subtle signs of anti-gay protesters. Photo by Jenny Mealing/Wikimedia Commons.

The kind of faith that relies most heavily on religious rules often focuses on what I call the don'ts:

Don't legalize alcohol. Don't teach sex education. Don't legalize abortions. Don't be gay. Don't legalize marijuana. Don't let people get married. Don't [fill-in-the-blank].

When people of faith make their primary agenda item a don't in order to maintain the cultural status quo, it can:

  • Oppress people and violate rights.
  • Cause very real pain and harm in people's lives.
  • Repel millions of people away from the idea of faith and God altogether.

Faith used in this way ultimately always loses.(See again slavery, prohibition, oppression of women, legalizing abortion, gay marriage, etc.)

That is the kind of faith we saw on display in Kentucky this week.

But when faith focuses on the do's — working to solve problems, meet needs, and serve others — it ultimately wins.

Yes, that is Mother Teresa. Because ... of course. Photo by Roslan Rahman/AFP/Getty Images.

The do's are actions and principles like these:

Do love your neighbor. Do feed the hungry. Do heal the sick. (Free health care anyone?) Do seek justice. Do practice humility. Do give more than you receive. Do take in thousands of refugee families.

Faith used in this way can:

  • Remind us of the simple truths hiding beneath complex issues.
  • Empower us to take concrete action in response to pain and injustice.
  • Connect and draw people together across all divides.

The do's are where the magic happens. The do's are what we saw from the Pope this week. It's the do's that are currently behind the Moral Mondays movement for economic justice and the religious leadership in the Black Lives Matter movement, not to mention the thousands of organizations working to take care of the earth, provide for the homeless, and support women and families.

Kim Davis didn't save a life this week. The Pope just may have helped save thousands.

This tale of two acts of faith teaches an important lesson, not just for those of us who identify as Christian or religious, but for anyone looking for ways to use what they believe to make a difference. The world becomes measurably, tangibly, and practically better with the do's of faith. That, to me, sounds like a major win that all people — religious and not — can get behind.

Modern Families

Fed up parents explain why they 'never want to bring the kids over' to visit

Can't you guys come to us for once?

Photo by Johnny Cohen on Unsplash

It's a good news/bad news situation for parents of young kids. The good news? Everyone wants to spend time with the kids! Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends. They all want a relationship and lots of special moments with the little ones.

The bad news? One phrase: "When are you bringing them over?" Parents have been frustrated by the expectations of orchestrating stressful visits for generations — loading the kids in a car or on an airplane only to spend hours chasing them around in an un-baby-proofed environment and watching routines go to hell.

Now they're sounding off on social media and airing their grievances.

Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents

A mom recently took to Reddit to vent about everyone in her life wanting her to "bring the kids to them."

"My parents live 30 mins away and always bug me about not coming to visit them," she writes. They constantly ask, "Why don't you bring our granddaughter to come see us?"

The fascinating discussion highlights a few things that make arranging visits with young kids a potential nightmare for parents.

Grandparents' houses are rarely childproofed

Grandparents love their breakable decor! Ceramic doo-dads, glass vases everywhere. They can't get enough. And while they should be able to decorate their house however they see fit (they've earned the right!) that doesn't make it a good environment for toddlers and babies.

Ceramic bowlsThe breakable decor found in every grandparents' houseozalee.fr/Flickr

"Last week was the last straw, I took my daughter to my parents and of course she went EVERYWHERE! flooded their toilet, broke a vase, and tried multiple times to climb their furniture," the Reddit mom writes.

Parents in a foreign environment are on constant safety duty and can rarely sit down

Let's be honest. Sometimes these "visits" are hardly worth the effort. After all, it's hard to get much catch up time when you're dutifully chasing your kid around.

"They don’t understand that my 3 yo ... is absolutely wild," writes another user in the thread. "She has no self preservation and nothing we do works. She doesn’t listen, she throws, she bites, she refuses to use the potty. It’s exhausting and then ... they expect us to entertain them, when I’m trying to just keep my kid from jumping off the stairs and into an ER visit."

Even just putting the kids in the car for a 20-minute drive is more work than it seems

Taking the kids out of the house requires packing a bag, bringing extra clothes, loading up on snacks, etc.

It seems easy to "pop over" but it actually absorbs the majority of the day between prep, visit, and aftermath.

Naps and routines go to hell

Parents with babies and toddlers know all too well — there is a price to pay for taking the kids out of the house for too long.

Chances are, the baby won't nap in a strange environment and then you're stuck with a cranky kid the rest of the night.

Kids with special needs require even more consistency

Kids with autism or ADHD can really struggle outside of their zone of safety. They might become severely dysregulated, have meltdowns, or engage in dangerous behaviors.

Explaining and mediating the generational divide

man in gray sweater sitting beside woman in black and white floral long sleeve shirt Photo by Tim Kilby on Unsplash

Why is this a conflict almost all parents can relate to?

Is this a Boomer vs Millennials thing?

Some experts think that generational values and traditions might play a role.

"Many Boomers were accustomed to more traditional, hierarchical family dynamics, where visiting grandparents was a way for the younger generation to show respect," says Caitlin Slavens, a family psychologist.

But that's not to say this is a new problem. I can remember my own parents driving me and my brothers over an hour to visit my grandparents seemingly every other weekend, but very few occasions where they came to visit us. It must have driven my parents nuts back then!

Plus, it's easy to forget that it's hard for older people to travel, too. They may have their own issues and discomforts when it comes to being away from their home.

"But for today’s parents, balancing careers, kids’ routines, and the demands of modern parenting is a much bigger undertaking. Grandparents might not always see how childproofing their space or making the trip themselves could make a huge difference, especially considering how travel and disruption can impact younger kids' moods and routines," Slavens says.

"So yes, this divide often comes down to different expectations and life experiences, with older generations potentially not seeing the daily demands modern families face."

Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?

"First, open conversations help bridge the divide—explain how much of a difference it makes when the kids stay in a familiar space, especially when they’re very young," suggests Slavens.

"Share practical details about the challenges, like childproofing concerns or travel expenses, to help grandparents see it from a parent’s perspective. You might even work together to figure out solutions, like making adjustments to create a more child-friendly space in their home or agreeing on a shared travel plan."

Ultimately, it's a good thing when grandparents, friends, and other relatives want to see the kids.

We all have the same goal.

"It’s helpful to approach the topic with empathy, focusing on everyone’s goal: more quality time together that’s enjoyable and low-stress for everyone involved. For parents, it’s about setting boundaries that work, and for grandparents, it’s about recognizing that flexibility can really show the parents that you are ... willing to make adjustments for their children and grandchildren."

Enjoyable, low-stress quality time — that's something everyone can get behind.

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Celebrity

Hugh Grant finally tells his Bridget Jones co-star Renée Zellweger what he always thought of her

The feeling is mutual.

Images of Hugh Grant and Renee Zellweger via Wikicommons

Hugh Grant and Renee Zellweger



love actually GIFGiphy

  1. Hugh Grant does not hold back when it comes to his opinions on anything. But in one unfortunate interview he did for Elle Magazine back in 2009, he dished on most of his female co-stars, and it wasn't pretty. He described Emma Thompson as "clever, funny, mad as a chair." Of Sandra Bullock, he said, "a genius, a German, too many dogs." He later commented that Julia Roberts' mouth was so big, he "was aware of a faint echo" when they kissed onscreen. And while Julianne Moore, Rachel Weisz, and Drew Barrymore were all described as clever, stunning, or beautiful, the consensus was that they all "loathed him."

But it was his Bridget Jones's Diary co-star Renée Zellweger with whom he seemed to have the softest spot. Even when revisiting the matter on The Graham Norton Show in 2016, Hugh agreed with his original assessment that she's "delightful. Also far from sane. Very good kisser."

When pressed, Hugh jokingly said, "She is genuinely lovely, but her emails are 48 pages long. Can't understand a word of them."

Now, nine years later, Renée is returning to her Bridget Jones character, and the two reunite for a piece called "Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy" for British VogueBritish Vogue. After Hugh writes an intro to the piece, where he reveals he used to have tons of questions between on-set shots for Renée—questions like "If you had to marry one of today's extras, who would it be?" and "Who is a better kisser, me or Colin Firth?" He now has a whole new slew of questions. Here are a few key things we find out:


Sad Renee Zellweger GIF by Working TitleGiphy

What did Hugh always think of Renée?

He says candidly (of course), "With a lot of other actors, you think they're really great, and then suddenly you see a little glint of steely, scary ambition, and you realize this person would trample their grandmother to get what they want in this business. But I've never seen that glint coming off you. So either it's very well disguised, or you are quite nice."

What does Renée really think of Hugh?

You're hilariously brilliant at everything you hate. And, though you hate humans, you're a very good and loyal friend. I like you very much. And I love working with you."

Love Actually Dancing GIF by PeacockTVGiphy


What did Hugh really think of her English accent?

Queen Elizabeth GIFGiphy

After discussing Renée's dialect coach, Hugh tells her that her attempt at an English accent is…"perfect."

Why does the Bridget Jones franchise remain so appealing?


Renee Zellweger Romance GIF by Bridget JonesGiphy

Hugh says, "In a nutshell, I say it's an antidote to Instagram. Instagram is telling people, especially women, 'Your life's not good enough.' It's not as good as this woman's or that woman's, making you insecure. Whereas what Helen (the writer) did with Bridget is celebrate failures, while making it funny and joyful."

Renée makes some jokes and then says, "I think maybe folks recognize themselves in her and relate to her feelings of self-doubt. Bridget is authentically herself and doesn't always get it right, but whatever her imperfections, she remains joyful and optimistic, carries on, and triumphs in her own way."

What does Hugh think of Renée's fashion?


Drunk Bridget Jones GIF by Working TitleGiphy

After asking if people in general should be a "bit more stylish," Hugh tells Renée she's "very chic." Renée pushes back with, "I'm wearing a tracksuit." To which Hugh retorts, "Yeah, but a sort of PRICEY one."

And finally, those emails:

"You have sent me the longest emails I've ever received. I can't understand a single word of them. They're written in some curious language that I can't really understand."

"No!" Renée exclaims. "If you reference something in your emails that makes me laugh…I will circle back to that. And if you've forgotten that you wrote it, I don't think I should be held accountable for that!"

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Popular

What are the 'non-obvious' signs someone is super smart? Here are 15 that people notice.

You can tell by the way they interact with people and ideas.

via Associated Press/Wikimedia Commons

Albert Einstein writing on a blackboard.

There are some obvious ways to determine if someone is highly intelligent, like when you see them work out a complex trigonometry problem on a blackboard or when they can easily explain the science behind mRNA vaccines or dark matter.

But there are also those we meet at social gatherings who immediately make us think they are very smart. Usually, it isn’t because they are making a long-winded speech about the fall of the Roman Empire or explaining quarks. We know they are intelligent because of the way they interact with people and ideas.

A Redditor named SomethingAbout2020 asked people on the AskReddit forum to share the “non-obvious signs” that people are intelligent. Many of their responses centered around how highly intelligent people are open-minded, curious and don’t waste their time arguing with others.

Brilliant people are confident in what they know, consider other people’s opinions and readily admit when they don’t know the answer.

Here are 15 of the best responses to the question: What are the non-obvious signs of a smart person?

1. They know what they don't know

"They acknowledge areas where they lack knowledge."

"'Never pretend to know something when you don't' is something I always teach. It covers lying and ignorance."

2. They consider other people's ideas

"They’ll listen to the other's facts and points and take them into account when giving an objection."

"One of the best developers at my last job and manager of a project I was at is an extremely intelligent person. ... One thing I noticed is how he would take everyone's opinion into account. He would take my opinions into consideration even if I'm not a smarter person or know less about development."

3. They make you feel smart

"Talking to a dumb person will make you feel smart. Talking to a smart person will make you feel dumb. Talking to a very smart person will make you feel smart."

4. They see patterns

"Part of the reason smart people throughout history are well-known is because they discovered something new and figured out how to maximize its potential. Darwin was a guy who discovered a bunch of islands with slightly different animals. He then collected and analyzed that data to come up with the theory of evolution, which was largely correct. Einstein’s theory of relativity was based off of his observation that physics acted on everything equally. He figured out that “exceptions” were because of the way high-speed objects interact with the universe’s speed limit (the speed of light). He recognized these exceptions by gathering them and recognizing the pattern between them all, then created his theory of relativity based on that."



5. They consider multiple intelligences

"They realize not everyone is smart the same way. Your 'stupid hick neighbor' might have dropped out of school in 8th grade, but he can drive your car once and tell you exactly what's wrong, then fix it. That a**hole in school that had no empathy for anyone and showed no emotion made that sci-fi sh*t you thought would never be real. Yeah, she's dingy and her worldview is tiny, but she's the best teacher you've ever met and inspires tons of kids to go on and do great things with themselves. There's no one-size-fits-all answer here, really."

People who are super smart are probably familiar with Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences. The theory suggests that people have more than just one type of just one type of intelligence, like being good at mathematics. Gardener says there are several, including musical, spatial, linguistic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, and kinesthetic intelligence. This theory opens the door for people to appreciate different forms of intelligence that may not be of the academic variety.

6. They choose their battles

"When another person is not able to process something and, therefore, sticks with his opinion, after a few tries, the smart person just gives up. There is no use in trying to make someone understand something while they already have an uneducated opinion."

7. They speak to their audience

"They know how to explain concepts on just about any level, tailoring that level to their intended audience, and without coming across as condescending in any way."

"I heard a saying that went 'you have to be an expert to explain it simply.'"

8. They're confident in their intelligence

"Not constantly bragging about their intelligence. If they truly are smart, people can figure that out pretty quickly without them doing anything to show it."

"You generally only brag about things you're insecure about because you seek validation. If you are very comfortable with your intelligence then you may not care if someone misinterprets you and makes you look dumb or something. You have nothing to prove. That's not just for intelligence but for anything."

9. They're funny

"I think the smart people are even more funny than stupid people because smart people understand the complexity behind humor and can make their jokes reflect that."

Scientific studies show that people who are funny, especially those who have a dark sense of humor, are more intelligent than their not-so-funny peers. Researchers argue that it takes cognitive and emotional ability to make people laugh, and analysis shows that funny people have higher verbal and non-verbal intelligence.



10. They mind their own business

"This is a big one. They keep to themselves and deal with their own drama."

11. They aren't necessarily great students

"Believe it or not 'average' or 'above average' students are often smarter than those with straight A’s on the report cards. They do enough to pass well and get what they want but don’t let the academic system control them. Life isn’t all about booksmarts. This shows they are independent thinkers and don’t get wrapped up in designed systems. Not all, but many. Many kids who are forced to always be exceptional in school can end up the worst off and can develop deeper issues."

12. They are good listeners

"They actually listen to who they are talking to as opposed to waiting for their turn to talk."

13. Curiosity

"It really does seem to be one of the single greatest differentiators between average and smart."

14. Comfortable in silence

"Being comfortable enough to allow a moment of complete silence while you think when the natural instinct of most is to immediately start replying tells me that you are, at the very least, mindful of what you want to say."

15. Unattached to their opinions

"Most of the smart people I know are not pushy with their opinions; by contrast, most of the opinionated people I know are flaming morons. I don't know if there's a correlation there, but my anecdotal experience has always been that the more eager someone is to state their opinion, the less that opinion is probably worth."


This article originally appeared last year.
smart people
Joy

Single woman shares the hilarious 'deal breaker' she uses when she doesn't want a second date

Jo Brundza has mastered the art of painlessly getting out of a second date by making them reject her.

via JBrundz/TikTok and Frank Cone/Pexels

How Jo Brundza gets out of a date.

It's uncomfortable for people to tell someone they met for a first date that they aren’t interested in a second one because nobody enjoys hurting another person’s feelings. TikToker Jo Brundza has mastered the art of painlessly getting out of a second date by making them reject her.

How does she do it? Once she realizes she doesn’t want to see them again, she rants about the moon.

“From that realization and on, I spend the rest of the date trying to convince the other person that I don’t think the moon is real,” she says. Now, many folks out there incorrectly believe that the moon landing was faked, but she goes a step further by saying the massive celestial object doesn’t exist at all.

“They’re typically too stunned to argue back,” she says.

@jbrundz

They’re typically too stunned to argue back #fyp #dating #funny #bits

In a follow-up video, Brundza outlines the three arguments she uses to prove that the moon isn’t real:

1. If you know, you know

"I just think it's ridiculous that all these billionaires are going up into space. I mean, when they get up there, what do they expect to be there, or not be up there?"

2. False evidence

"Look, I'm just saying that if you look at the science of how light refraction works when it enters the atmosphere, it would bend it in a way that to the naked eye would look like solid mass, but it's not. Also, at the end of the day, do you know anyone who has actually been to the moon?"

3. Blame Greenland

"Eighty percent of the island is covered in ice and uninhabitable. You're really gonna tell me that's not where the projectors are? Actually, now that I think about it, do you personally know anyone who's ever been to Greenland?"

@jbrundz

Replying to @TySpice Bonus points if you can somehow work in that the sun is fake too #fyp #funny #bits

Works like a charm.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Woman who is quickly going blind made a bucket list of things to see. Snowfall left her in tears.

"I cried so much. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Alishia (NettlesSheepstealer on Reddit)

A woman with an eye disease made a bucket list of things to see while she can—including snow.

Making a bucket list is a simple way of aspiring toward future happiness, and I respect anyone who makes that investment in themselves. It’s even more impressive when someone takes action because of seemingly bad news, using a negative to inspire a positive.

In a recent Internet post, a woman named Alishia shared that she has an "eye disease causing pretty rapid blindness" and, after receiving that diagnosis, decided to make a bucket list of things she "wanted to see before [losing] the rest of it." One item on that list was snow—given that she lives in South Louisiana, she’d seen it fall but never stick on the ground. Alishia made plans with a friend to go up north and experience the full winter-weather treatment: building a snowman, making snowballs and snow angels. Turns out she didn’t have to make the trip—in late January, her town wound up with a 10-inch accumulation (and Louisiana itself with a "historic" downfall).

Winnie The Pooh Animation GIF by DisneyGiphy

"I cried so much," she wrote on Reddit. "It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Everyone, adults included, were outside playing in it. I'm 38, and I was out there giggling like a 5-year-old. It was even more meaningful that it happened here, where most of us have never seen it."

After reading the story, I reached out to to Alishia, who kindly shared more details about her experience. Her eye disease is RP, Retinitis Pigmentosa, which, she explains, "starts with losing your night vision and then slowly causes you to have tunnel vision." She adds, "The tunnel closes over time. I got officially diagnosed at 36 but stopped driving at 26." (According to Cleveland Clinic, RP is a "group of disorders" that affect people differently: "Most people with RP have low vision, and some people go blind. The vision changes usually start in childhood. But sometimes these changes occur so slowly that you don’t realize it’s happening.")

The big snow day, she says, got off to an early start when she woke up at 2:45 a.m. and "couldn’t fall back asleep" due to excitement. Given that she "can’t see anything at night except lights" and didn’t expect much snow to begin with, she tried to keep her expectations modest. Then the downpour came.

Alishia stands in the snow with an umbrella."I don't own a coat because it doesn't get super cold here," Alishia says, "so most people just put on multiple pairs of clothes and hoodies"Alishia (NettlesSheepstealer on Reddit)

"It started falling, and at first I couldn't see it, but it sounded like someone opening a carbonated drink," she says. "A couple hours later I could see it on the ground. Then I realized I could actually see the cars in the parking lot. It was dark, but I could see the light reflecting off all the snow. I cried like a baby [laughs]. Later when the sun came out, I went outside with my white cane and it didn't click in my head that I couldn't use it because everything was covered. All of my neighbors and their kids were outside. My favorite thing in the world is hearing people have fun. There were people outside in their 40s laughing and making snowmen. None of them turned out very well, but we don't know what we're doing. I stayed outside all day. It was so different from seeing it in the movies."

The top photo, where she's wearing a robe, shows her "feeble attempt at a snowman," she notes with a laugh.

On Reddit, Alishia mentioned some of the remaining items on her bucket list (going to a drag show, taking her son to the beach, and doing karaoke with her mom and little sister) and some of the others she’s already checked off (going fishing with her son and seeing a waterfall). She tells me she also got to see her first concert: the punk rock band Bad Religion.

"It was amazing," she says. "No one treated me different. My sister told me after that a couple people tried to give me a fist bump, which was kinda funny since I can only see a small area of my vision. The things I do with my son are also beautiful. The more things I tick off the list, the less afraid I am of the world. People are nicer than I gave them credit for."

Home Alone Reaction GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy

After posting her story on Reddit, Alishia has been able to connect with a lot of people—another example of how she "[gets] joy out of people enjoying things."

"It sounds weird, but I think vision loss really put a lot of things into perspective for me," she says. "I savor things more deeply than I did before. I've had people tell me they'd die if they lost their vision. I like to talk to people and let them know it doesn't have to be scary."

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