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What nobody warns you enough about when it comes to having kids

Experienced parents are dropping truth bombs about parenthood.

parenting, motherhood, fatherhood, kids, children

Here are some things new parents need to know.

Parenting is as old as time, but there's never been a time in history when we've talked about it more. If you go into any bookstore, you'll find shelf after shelf filled with books about how to raise your kids. If you have questions about any element of parenting, there are countless websites and online groups you can consult.

And yet, most of us still go into it unaware of the reality of it, because let's face it, there's no way to adequately prepare for parenthood. No matter what you picture it being like going in, parenting will yank that image right out of your head, smash it into the ground and grind its heel right into the heart of it.



Okay, that's a bit dramatic. But only a bit.

Parenting is the hardest, most rewarding job on earth—a thrill ride that takes you on the highest highs and plunges you to the lowest lows.

Up and down you go, over and over again, sometimes squealing with delight, sometimes thinking you might puke and sometimes screaming "Stop the ride, I wanna get off!"

While it's not possible to truly prepare, it's good to hear from experienced parents what you might expect. Every kid, every parent, every family is different, but there are some near-universal things that people really should know going in.

A user on Reddit asked, "What is something nobody warns people about enough when it comes to having kids," and the answers didn't disappoint. Here are some highlights:

You have less control over how your kids turn out than you think.

"There's a very good chance they won't turn out like you think," wrote one commenter. That's not to say that you have no influence whatsoever, but each kid is their own unique person with their own individuality, and they also change as they grow. If you're too attached to an idea of how they should be, you may not fully appreciate who they are.

"People seem to often forget that they're raising people," shared another commenter, "as in, independent-thinking individuals whose actions, values, personalities, interests, and capabilities will potentially be completely unlike yours. I've seen a lot of parents struggle hard with that, and frankly, that's a possibility you should have made your peace with before you became a parent, imo."

Another person added:

"This is why many parent/child relationships are so strained. Many parents have a child thinking they are programming a perfect human being. Many are disappointed when the child is not the exact person they hoped (or worse, the polar opposite). Perfectly normal children grow into resentful, tired adults because of their parents' unrealistic expectations that have nothing to do with them."

The books aren't all that helpful.

women's yellow jacketPhoto by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

We all want to look to "the experts" when raising our kids, and some things we find in parenting books can be marginally helpful. But they certainly aren't the be-all-end-all of good parenting.

"The books are fine for ideas, your experience, friends thoughts, paediatricians, therapists," wrote one commenter. "But at the end of it all you have this complicated little person you're in charge of with their own preferences, feelings, insecurities, abilities, and you have to do what works for them and your family and, of course, also raise someone who isn't a blight on humanity or menace to society."

Another wrote:

"As my mum says: 'The kid hasn't read the book.'

"Her parents tried to do everything by the book with her and she hated it. She was supposed to have pigtails, wear dresses, learn piano and not go climb trees and play soccer/football. She saved pocket money to get her hair cut short and her dad almost hit her for it. Did she stop pushing to be herself? Nope. She is a strong woman, but boy, does she have some scars on her soul.

"With her own three kids she watched what interests they developed and then helped them explore it further and to not forget to keep an open mind about other possible hobbies, sports, arts etc. I have no idea how to thank her properly for this."

It doesn't go by fast—until suddenly it does.

woman in black graduation gown with black mortar boardPhoto by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

"The days are loooong and the years are so very short," wrote one person. It's true. When you're in the thick of parenting and someone tells you how fast it goes, you might feel like strangling them. But then you look at your child who has changed so much and it does feel fast in hindsight.

"I've heard older people say this or the equivalent all my life," wrote another. "I always thought I understood. And then I had children. Now I understand. I keep looking at my kids and can't believe how much time has passed. I'll look at them doing something new and just be amazed. Seems like yesterday that my youngest couldn't lift her own head and now she's doing tuck rolls across the house."

"This is it!" shared a parent of young adults. "Mine are 18, 19 & 20. Empty-nest syndrome is a REAL thing. I always look back and think… How the hell did it go by so quick? I used to roll my eyes at people who would say stuff like this when they had 3 different practices, in 3 different places at the same time. It really goes by so quickly."

Your time—and sleep—are no longer yours.

grayscale photography of kid lying on bedPhoto by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

When they're babies, they wake up in the night for all kinds of reasons—to eat, to practice crawling, to say hi, to wail inconsolably for no explicable reason, and so on. When they're older, they wake up because they need to go to the bathroom or a drink of water or they're scared. Then, when they're much older, they suddenly stay up late and want to have deep, heart-to-heart talks at 10 p.m. Most of us expect the baby sleep deprivation stage, but there are sleep disruptions throughout a child's entire childhood.

"When they grow older, you don't have a private life anymore," wrote one commenter. "They stay awake longer than you."

"Never thought of this. The later part of the evening is my time usually," someone responded.

"Used to be my time as well," shared another commenter. "Since becoming a parent, my time is 4-6am. One reason why you start waking up early once you're older, probably."

I have a young adult, a teen and an almost-teen, and I can attest to waking up extra early simply to have uninterrupted time to myself.

You will miss being able to think clearly.

man in gray crew neck t-shirt sitting beside boy in red and white crew neckPhoto by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

"For me, I stopped having a chance to think anything through without interruption," wrote a commenter. "I had a very hard time with that. I couldn't remember anything, couldn't make decisions, etc because every thought seemed to get interrupted.

"I'd just sit in my car alone sometimes so I could think."

Ah, the beautiful, quiet solitude of the car. Every mother I know enjoys a good "car bath" once in a while.

"I am so glad somebody said this," someone responded. "I was starting to worry I was getting early onset dementia, because my mind just feels like mush all the time. I can't remember things, I start sentences and can't finish them, I forget common words....my mind rarely gets to switch off because someone is always interacting with me or calling my name."

Part of the brain mush is because kids need things all the time. And part of it is that you now have an entire other person's life (multiplied by however many kids you have) to think about. Their health and well-being, their education, their emotional state, their character—it's a lot. So much more than you can really imagine until you're in it.

Take advantage of the middle years.

"How important the years between 7 and 12 are for building a bond (one that lasts into the teenage years)," wrote a commenter. "They are so hard to listen to at that age with all the starts and stops in conversation and they talk about the most boring thing's BUT it is so important to listen and converse at those ages. They will grow into teenagers that will talk to you, and be fun to talk to, but only if you can get through long boring conversations about Minecraft or whatever thing they are currently into."

Having teens and young adults, I have seen the truth of this advice play out. If you want your teens to talk to you, you have to listen well before they get to that age.

Another user shared what it meant to them when their mother did just that:

"I can remember being about 12 and wanting to share my biggest interest at the time with my mom, that being Bionicle, by reading to her all the books I had been collecting with my allowance. Sometimes she would involuntarily fall asleep, but my God she tried so hard to show an interest. I really didn't appreciate it at the time, focused on all the times she yawned or fell asleep, but now (16 years later) we both remember it fondly as the bonding time it really was."

And another shared just the opposite:

"My god, what an amazing mom you have. I vividly remember coming home from school around 12-13 yo, super excited to tell my mom all about my day, and she's sitting there reading her book, as always. No problem, I'm just telling her my stories while she's reading. Then that one time, I wondered is she actually listening? So I stopped mid-sentence and she didn't notice. I remember my heart just sank, and after that I never told her anything ever again. I don't think she noticed."

Diapering a doll isn't going to prepare you for wrangling a baby.

baby in white and black plaid shirtPhoto by Evelyn Semenyuk on Unsplash

"Practicing diapers on a doll doesn't count," wrote one commenter. "You're ready when you can do it on a cat."

HA. So true. Others shared their diaper wrangling woes as well:

"My first daughter was patient and would just let us change her. My second daughter wants nothing more than to roll over and crawl away. There's nowhere for her to go but she wants to go anyway."

"It's like, I am physically orders of magnitude stronger than her, how the hell does she still win?"

"My daughter has just perfected the alligator death roll technique when she doesn't want to be changed or put pants on lmao. And because she's 2 and a bit she laughs the whole time cause it's hilarious."

Don't even get me started on trying to get an unwilling jellyfish toddler buckled into a carseat.

All parents are winging it.

"I stupidly thought once I had a child I would automatically 'know' how to parent," wrote one commenter. "You're the same dummy before and after having a child, and you realize how much your parents were winging it."

"Leaving the hospital with that tiny fragile little being was terrifying," wrote another. "C-section delivery so they kept us a couple days longer. Lots of help from the amazing maternity ward, to the moment you realize you and your spouse are alone and now solely responsible for keeping this little baby alive."

"Yeah, it's like: "We can just leave? WITH the baby? Who approved this?" added another.

"The panicked looks my husband and I exchanged the first time we were left alone with our newborn will live forever in my mind," wrote yet another.

It really is surreal that you're just, like, handed a newborn baby and that's it. A whole life in your hands, and you're supposed to just figure out what to do with it. Good luck!

The relentlessness is real.

"Nothing prepared me for the sheer 'unrelentingness' of parenting," shared one parent. "Every day for many years has to be finished with a dinner/bath/bed routine that takes two hours, regardless of how tired, upset or unwell you are. Difficult enough if you've been at work all day, yes. But also if you're on holidays and got a little bit sunburnt, or been to a family wedding and overeaten, or spent the day assembling Ikea furniture and are just exhausted.

"As a childless adult you could occasionally say 'I'm just having takeaway tonight', and flop in front of the TV until bedtime. As a parent, that's not an option."

This is a truth that's hard to fathom but oh so real. Parenting never ends. You don't ever really get a break, even when you're lucky enough to kind of get a break. Your kids' well-being is always on your mind, even when you're not with them.

And it doesn't end at 18, either. Many commenters talked about how parenting is forever. You worry about your adult kids, too, just in a different way than when they were young and you were fully responsible for raising them.

woman in black shirt sitting beside man in white t-shirtPhoto by Hillshire Farm on Unsplash

This list might lead people to believe that parenting sucks, but it doesn't. I mean, sometimes it can, but that's true of anything in life. If you're fortunate and put in your best effort, the joy and fulfilment of parenting hopefully outweighs the hard parts. Getting a realistic picture of what it entails—both the delights and the challenges—can help people temper their expectations and take the roller coaster of parenting as it comes.


This article originally appeared on 11.22.21

Apple TV

Adam Scott and Tramell Tillman in Severance

While remote work has been a mainstay since the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic, more and more companies are attempting to mandate that employees return to the office, on a full or part-time basis, including one now-infamous effort from JPMorgan Chase. The company announced that as of March 2025, all employees were required to return to the office five days per week. Their CEO even ditched the policy that allowed employees to work-from-home two days per week.

To mark the occasion, welcome everyone back ( and perhaps twist the knife a bit deeper?) the United State's largest bank unveiled a plan for a massive $3 billion, 2.5 millions square foot tower on New York's famous Park Avenue—which would house 14,000 workers and feature state of the art architecture and technology—in addition to loading up its new corporate headquarters with perks to help employees transition back to office life.

Some of these "perks" were truly great and truly enticing. Others were... questionable, to say the least.

Grace Tallon on LinkedIn even noticed that some of the benefits of working in the JPMorgan Office seemed like they were yanked right out of one of the most popular current TV shows on the planet: Severance.

If you don't know it, Severance is a psychological thriller on Apple TV that doubles as a dark and biting satire of corporate office culture and capitalism. Employees at a mysterious company called Lumon are "severed" — meaning their brains, memories, and personalities are literally split in half. While at work, they are a different person and retain no memories when they leave the office every night. In return for their sacrifice and for hitting key milestones, the employees receive ludicrous rewards like short dance parties with their boss, melon parties with carved watermelons, and handfuls of balloons. Employees are also expected to marvel at bizarre pieces of art that line the hall, featuring stoic images of Lumon's revered (and more than a bit creepy) founders.

Conversely, JPMorgan's new tower boasted 19-restaurants with at-your-desk delivery, an Irish pub, and on-site physical therapy and yoga. But that's not all!

Tallon notes, however, that JPMorgan also tried to entice employees with things like "personalized climate" in rooms and offices, a "signature scent" that wafts through the halls and somehow reinforced the brand, and, get this, even a "corporate art collection" that celebrates the company's history and values. Be more on the nose next time, will you JPMorgan? That's to say nothing of design elements that support worker's circadian rhythms and coffee machines that learn your favorites over time.

"Let’s stop pretending this is about connecting and doing better work," she writes.

Read Tallon's full post below on the striking similarities:

Commenters agreed that the perks came off more than a little tone deaf.

While some folks defended the corporation for doing their best to make employees feel cared for and taken care of, others didn't quite see it that way, especially when they compared it to the perks of WFH life.

"The climate in my own home office is just right. Along with my own coffee, artwork, lighting (window wide open), and other perks and it cost me zero dollars to drive there and I don't have to wear shoes! Way out of touch," wrote Alix Z.

"Those perks sound more like a high-tech museum experience than actual employee benefits. Instead of a 'signature scent,' how about giving employees real reasons to feel good about coming to work?" said Diana Alayon.

 severance, linkedin, jp morgan, return to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobs Some at-home perk simply can't be beat. Photo credit: Canva

"Working at home perks: My own candle collection, curated to suit my preferences, Coffee and tea on tap, from our favourite brands, Comfortable cushions and blankets to help regulate my temperature at my desk, A variety of lighting options, ranging from warm white lamps to 'the big light', Freedom to work anywhere I want, such as my office desk, sofa, kitchen table or a coffee shop near by, Personalised art with photos of family and pictures we enjoy, Working space decorated to my own specifications, Plenty of spaces nearby for fresh air and dog walks" wrote Eloise Todd in a mic-drop comment.

There are of course benefits to working together in-person with your colleagues. And sure, if you're required to be there, nothing offsets discomfort quite like delicious lunches and free yoga classes. But to take away even the option of occasionally working from home and duct-taping over it with an algorithm that tracks coffee orders and temperature preferences, and filling the halls with strange paintings that move when employees walk by? It kind of loses the thread, and it's exactly the kind of thinking that the creators of Severance are so good at skewering.

 severance, linkedin, jp morgan, retseverance, linkedin, jp morgan, return to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobsurn to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobs Mark (Adam Scott) at the infamous dance party scene in Severance.  media0.giphy.com  

According to Forbes, there are 6 distinct reason companies might push for a return to the office. One, corporate heads believe employees get more "immersed in the company’s values." Two, they think it's easier to monitor whether or not an employee is actually working. Three, to justify the cot of that expensive office space. Four, to foster "spontaneous collaboration." Five, to give new employees a chance to observe and interact with more seasoned worker. and six, to restore a sense of belonging within the company.

But of course, none of these things have anything to do with what people really want: Autonomy. That, in addition to fair pay, some level of flexibility, and good benefits. Perks are nice — even the kind of weird ones — but they can only go so far. It remains to be seen if companies that dictate back-to-the-office edicts are willing to follow through on the things that really matter. Please note how waffle parties did not make that list.

This article originally appeared in February

"Either way you've been there before."

We talk a lot about the awkwardness of having that inevitable “birds and the bees” talk with our kiddos, but there’s another conversation topic bound to be even more anxiety inducing: what happens after we die.

It’s a difficult question for parents to answer, since not even we really know what happens after we pass on. Those who subscribe to a religious belief connected to an afterlife might have perhaps an easier time initially, but even then, there are bound to be very complex follow-up questions that aren’t so easy to navigate…especially in a way that kids can understand without getting overwhelmed. Because let’s face it, it’s an overwhelming topic no matter what age you are.

 death, death talk, talking to kids about death, grief, death anxiety, afterlife, difficult conversations, parenting A mother consoling her grieving children. Photo credit: Canva

And yet, a mom named Penny offered to share how she has the “death talk" with her young ones, and it’s actually pretty darn solid.

Because every bit of it is great, we’re just putting the whole thing down below:

When my kids would say ‘Mommy, where do you go after you die?’ I would tell them, ‘I think you probably just go to wherever you were before you were born.’ And they’d ask me ‘Where is that?’ and I’d say ‘I don’t know. I don’t remember. It might be a place, it might be nothing. Either way, you’ve been there before. Because before you were here if you were somewhere else you were OK. And if you were nowhere that was OK, too. So if you die and you go somewhere else, you’ll be OK. But if you die and it’s nothing you’ve been in nothing before and it was OK. It’ll be OK then, too.’”

 
 @iwillfightyourdad Shockingly we haven’t had a single existential crisis after this discussion.
 ♬ original sound - 🪿🎀Penny🎀🪿 
 
 

Tearing up? Don’t worry, you’re not alone.

“Okay but why did this make me cry,” one person wrote. Others noted how these were equally wise words for adults who might be dealing with their own death anxiety.

“Are you sure this is an answer for kids? Because I think you just cured my fear of death as a 35 yo,” one person quipped.

Another echoed, “as an adult who panics about there being nothing after death…this brought me bittersweet comfort. That my deepest fear could be true, but to take a different perspective on it.”

Penny’s words echo that of poet and Epicurean philosopher Lucretius, who viewed death as simply a return to the non-existent state we were in before birth. If one doesn't fear the time before their birth, they shouldn't fear the time after their death, he argued. 

In his book On the Nature of Things, Lucretius wrote:

“Consider the time before we were born: we felt no distress when the Carthaginians were attacking Rome on every side; and the whole world was shaken by the frightening tumult of that war… and in the same way in the future, when we shall no longer exist, and the final breaking up occurs for the body and spirit from which we are now compounded into a single unit, nothing whatever will be able to happen to us, or produce any sensation — not even if the the earth should collapse in to the sea, or the sea explode in the sky…”

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

Beautifully written, but we can easily see how Penny’s “Either way, you’ve been there before” version is a little easier to comprehend for kids and adults alike.

Obviously, with a complex subject like this, there will be several layers of conversations to be had and feelings to process. After all, no one has all the answers…and that can be scary. But wisdom like this can certainly help navigate through that murky terrain. Several folks are calling for Penny to make this into a children’s book, so who knows? Maybe parents will soon have it as a little companion when they have the Grim Reaper chat with their littles. Or to come back to for themselves.

If not, they can always go back to her very thoughtful video.

A couple talking over coffee.

Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.

However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as in forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.

 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder A man and woman chatting.via Canva/Photos

How to get better at small talk

The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement: It reminds me of…”

A redditor named IsaihLikesToConnect shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun.

Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"

You:

Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."

Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”

Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”


 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder Coworkers having a conversation.via Canva/Photos

You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.

 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder Coworkers having a conversation.via Canva/Photos

What’s a polite way to change the topic in a conversation?

Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.

Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.

This article originally appeared in April.

Joy

Indie band gets offer from a total stranger to 'fix' their song and it becomes a viral hit

It's not only being hailed the song of the summer, but a reason to still believe in humanity.

@rachelruffcuyler/TikTok

The Internet can be a wonderful place. Here's proof.

For all its faults, the Internet—TikTok especially—has a magical way of inspiring connections that otherwise would never have happened.

This was certainly the case for Rachel Ruff Cuyler and a Utah-based indie band named Poolhouse that randomly came across her feed one day. Neither Cuyler nor the members of Poolhouse could have guessed that a few tweaks offered by Cuyler would end up making a viral hit…or a fast friendship.

“There’s a song that came across my algorithm yesterday,, and all I want to do is fix it,” Cuyler said with a beaming smile in the TikTok video that set this whole story off.

 rachel ruff cuyler, poolhouse, indie rock, music, viral song, rock music, tiktok collabs, harmonies, teenage dirtbag Rachel Ruff Cuyler explaining how she would "fix" Poolhouse' song to make it the next "Teenage Dirtbag." @rachelruffcuyler/TikTok

The song in question, “Could Be Love,” had “all the pieces” of a mega-hit, Cuyler noted. It even had the potential to become the next “Teenage Dirtbag” (strong praise, Cuyler, strong praise). The only issue was all those great pieces were “in the wrong place.”

Getting delightfully enthusiastic, Cuyler suggested three things. One, that the chorus be made into the first verse, in addition to being the chorus. Two, that the current first chorus be made into the second verse. When the song gets to the chorus, it should be punched up “the same way they did in the Pepper Ann theme song.” Millennials felt that in their core.

In case you’re unfamiliar, here’s that bop:

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

Lastly, Cuyler said that the sound needed to be “fuller” overall, and proposed adding more call and response bits as well as more harmonies. But you don’t have to imagine any of this, cause she cut a version herself, which you can hear (and witness Cuyler rocking out to joyously) at about 1 minute and 23 seconds into the clip:


In a lovely act of fate, Cuyler’s video ended up going viral, with millions of people, including bona fide hitmakers like Muni Long, wholeheartedly agreeing with her take. This in turn, helped the video make its way back to Poolhouse.

Rather than taking any offense, Poolhouse members were taken aback by Cuyler's positivity, and incorporated her notes to create “Could Be Love - Rachel’s Version.” They even invited Cuyler from her home in Atlanta out to Utah to be in the music video.

Cuyler, of course, said yes. And as the freshly made chorus begins to play, she jumps into frame and rocks out with her new buds, which you can see below:

 
 @poolhouseband Thank you to Rachel and everyone following this story for putting us in a position where we can release two versions of a song that we truly love. We feel this whole thing is what Poolhouse is all about and we are so proud of Rachel’s Version and the OG. Our song of the summer is out and we hope it will be the song of your summer too! Thank god I’m a loser! 🫶🏻 @Rachel Makes Movies (and TV) @Spotify ♬ Could Be Love (Rachel's Version) - Poolhouse 
 
 

Sure enough, “Could Be Love - Rachel’s Version” became a hit. But perhaps even more importantly, it gave people a much needed restoration in their faith for humanity.

“What a time to be alive! The internet was made for moments like this.”

“Proof that AI can never truly replace human art, because AI would never know we needed the Pepper Ann Treatment.”

“I love how both parties understand the concept of constructive criticism. Like the band says she didn't just say ‘your song is bad,’ she actually gives them a proper criticism, telling them which parts that could be fixed and better. At the same time, the band have their eyes wide to see that she's genuinely trying to help them instead of just bashing them. In a better world, this should be the norm.”

“This is a beautiful illustration of what constructive criticism actually looks like and the importance of framing your argument in a such a way that the people you are trying to reach don't take offense and immediately tune you out. The result of being open to listening to ideas from outside your circle of trust are not always this amazing, but more times than not, you will come away with a new idea.”

“Awesome story. This is what the internet was created for connection and inspiration. More of this please.”

Never underestimate the power of sharing your authentic enthusiasm. You never know what wonderful collaborations, adventures, and memories it might be inviting in.

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

Stay tuned with all things Poolhouse and Rachel Ruff Cuyler via the link below

Poolhouse: IG, TikTok, Spotify

Rachel Ruff Cuyler: TikTok

Canva Photos & By International Phonetic Association - CC BY-SA 3.0,

Actors and elite language learners have a secret tool that rapidly accelerates their pronunciation skills.

There's a lot of talk around bad or unconvincing accents in Hollywood movies. Lines, scenes, or entire films that just don't quite sound right. But there are just as many, or more, examples that are absolutely brilliant.

One of my favorite recent examples is Tom Holland in the Spiderman films. Holland is British, and sounds like it in real life. Yet in the Marvel movies, he perfectly passes for a young American kid speaking plain old English. I can't imagine how much work it must take for him to (seemingly effortlessly) sound like an American! Andrew Garfield (ironically, another Spiderman) also does a commendable American accent, as does Idris Elba. Meryl Streep is world-renowned for her accent work in movies. Cate Blanchett is another actress that's consistently lauded for accurate dialects. The list goes on and on.

Have you ever wondered how certain actors get so good at accents? Of course, they have coaches to help them but do some people just have a natural ear for replicating dialects?

Well, yes, some people do have a natural ear and talent for accents. But there's an incredible phonetic tool that some actors use to master their accent work. It's a special alphabet that anyone can learn, and it can enhance your ability to speak any language fluently and convincingly.

And most people have never heard of it!

Learning any language, even your own native language, requires a fair bit of memorization. Pronunciation cues aren't always obvious in the written language. Duolingo astutely points out that the u in 'dude,' 'put,' and 'putt' makes a slightly different sound in each word.

We know the e at the end of 'dude' makes the long u sound. But what explains the difference between putting (like golf) or putting (as in, to put) and the difference between pudding and puddle?

Unless you've memorized the near-entirety of the English language (the way we do slowly as we grow up surrounded by it), you'd have a nightmare of a time trying to pronounce it all properly. Add in tongues, accents, and dialects that alter the rules as we know them of language, and you can imagine how difficult it would be for, say, a person who grew up speaking Spanish trying to learn a specific flavor of New York English.

This is where the International Phonetic Alphabet (IPA) comes in. It's a universal organizational system that categorizes all the different possible vowel and consonant sounds the human mouth can make, and writes letters and words according to those sounds—not any one specific language's writing system.

So, when it comes to that pesky letter u, when using the IPA you won't have to guess what sound it makes based on the letters that surround it.

The three U sounds would all be written differently: /u/, /ʊ/, or /ʌ/.

Conversely, there are several combinations of vowels in English that all make the same sound. 'Bead,' 'tree,' 'key,' and 'chic' all have the same vowel sound in the middle despite different spellings. Confusing! With the IPA, however, that sound would be written as /i/ regardless of what letters make up the sound. It's all about the mouth!


@vox.to.verba

Reply to @thechronictrekkie #ipa #internationalphoneticalphabet #linguistics #linguistic #appliedlinguistics #ipachart #phoneticalphabet #phonetics #phoneticsandphonology

The phonetic alphabet is incredibly detailed in its cataloguing of sounds. There are terms and annotations that refer to the shape and position of your mouth and tongue as you create the sound, words that describe how much air you're letting out, whether your tone is rising or falling. It's absolutely incredible.

For example, the voiced alveolar tap is something of an "r" sound that involves tapping the tongue on the roof of the mouth. That's not to be confused with the voiced alveolar flap which has the tongue slightly curled before tapping. Fascinating!

Imagine being an actor trying to learn an Irish accent for a role. You can listen, and be coached, by a native speaker. But it might also be extremely helpful to break your lines down into the specific sounds and mouth shapes you'll need to master in order to sound truly authentic.

 accents, language, accent, english accent, foreign language, ESL, speech therapy, phonics, phonetics, actorsNot  Not exactly a light read, but if you're serious about mastering your pronunciation the IPA can be a huge help.International Phonetic Association, CC BY-SA 3.0

You don't have to be an actor trying master an accent to learn the IPA and make good use of it.

Studying the IPA for a language you're trying to learn can rapidly accelerate your pronunciation. Phonetic spellings not only tell you the shape and movement of your mouth, it can also tell you which syllable in the word should get the emphasis and how your vocal tone should change throughout the word. That kind of learning can take you from someone who can merely stumble through a few sentences in a chosen language, to someone who can truly converse in it.

The phonetic alphabet is also heavily used in speech therapy. Therapists will create a phonetic transcription of a sample of speech in order to determine the nature of any errors or difficulties. That allows them to create a targeted treatment plan to address those specific errors.


@englishnativetongue

Now I know my IPA I hope you learned with me today! 🎶 The English International Phonetic Alphabet (IPA) Song I saw @CoffeeCupEnglish do this song and I just had to try my best and recreate it with an American accent! #englishlanguage #englishlearning #ipasong #nativetongue

English is such a funny and tricky language. For every rule (of which there are many), there are twice as many exceptions. It's a wonder anyone can ever learn it.

And yet, English is the third most spoke language in the world, and one of the most universal. It's an extremely common second language for people in all corners of the globe, which sure is convenient for those of us born in America.

Somehow, I never knew there was an easier way to learn how to pronounce things. A way to bypass all of English's nonsensical rules and unspoken peccadilloes. If only the International Phonetic Alphabet wasn't such an eyesore on paper, maybe we could ditch the written version of English entirely. Then, of course, I would be out of a job!