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Moms are sharing what they really want for Mother's Day

Moms are sharing what they really want for Mother's Day
Image by 5540867 from Pixabay

Figuring out what to do for a mom on Mother's Day can be a tricky thing. There's the standard flowers or candy, of course, and taking her out to a nice brunch is a fairly universal winner. But what do moms really want?

Speaking from experience—my kids range from age 12 to 20—a lot depends on the stage of motherhood. What I wanted when my kids were little is different than what I want now, and I'm sure when my kids are grown and gone I'll want something different again.

We asked our readers to share what they want for Mother's Day, and while the answers were varied, there were some common themes that emerged.

Moms of young kids want a break.

When your kids are little, motherhood is relentless. Precious and adorable, yes. Wonderful and rewarding, absolutely. But it's a LOT. And it's a lot all the fricking time.

Most moms I know would love the gift of alone time, either away at a hotel or Airbnb or in their own home with no one else around. Time alone is a priceless commodity at this stage, especially if it comes with someone else taking care of cleaning, making sure the kids are fed and safe and occupied, doing the laundry, etc.

This is especially true after more than a year of pandemic living, where we moms have spent more time than usual at home with our offspring. While in some ways that's been great, again, it's a lot.

Reader Heather W. wrote that she wanted "A night at a hotel by myself 🙂 (Love my kids but after this year, everyone home plus having a baby I could use a bit of a break)." Tons of other readers concurred.

Some moms might not want or need time alone, but getting a break from the day-to-day mundane tasks of childrearing and/or housekeeping is always welcome. That's why reader Emma K. wrote that she wanted a day off: "A day where I don't have to cook or clean or think for anyone else. A day where these things still get done and not just left for the following day for me to take care of."

Tip for this stage: Clean the house, give her a short-and-sweet "Happy Mother's Day!" and then either take the kids away for a night or send her away for a night. If a night isn't possible, a big chunk of the day will suffice. Anything that will give her stress-free, guilt-free time to herself in a clean space.

Moms of tween and teens want to be appreciated.

As kids get older, the relentlessness of motherhood becomes less physical and more emotional. While moms of wee ones are physically tired, moms of middles are often emotionally drained. Older kids and teens can be a lot of fun, but they can also be oblivious to how much their mother does for them. Moms in the middle years really want to know their family sees and appreciates their years of ongoing dedication and sacrifice.

While a scrawled-out card from a little kid is super sweet, a heartfelt message from an older child is truly touching. The tween and teen years can be contentious and connections can feel tenuous as kids start preparing to leave the nest, so letting moms know that they are loved, seen, and treasured at this stage can go a long way.

Doing things around the house without being asked goes a long way too. That's huge at this stage.

Tip for this stage: Encourage older kids to communicate their love and gratitude directly to their mothers. Many don't realize how much their mom might appreciate a simple expression of appreciation. Also have them look for thing they can take off their mom's plate to help her relax.

Moms of adult children want family bonding time.

Once kids have flown the coop, what moms really want is time as a family again. Yes, it's ironic that moms want to get away when their kids are young and want nothing but togetherness when kids are older, but such is the nature of the beast. It's not that moms of younger kids don't love to have family time, it's that for many moms "family time" is most of the time. It may not always be as quality or relaxed as we want it to be, but it's still family time.

Once kids are gone, moms might relish the freedom and rejuvenation of getting plenty of alone time, and at the same time yearn for the fun family times that are now fewer and farther between. Flowers are fine, cards are nice, but for empty nest moms, a fun family outing or get-together at home is a gift.

Reader Lori C. summed it up: "My two grown boys are spending the afternoon with me. I can't wait just to be with them and talk."

And again, after the past year, this yearning is all the more relevant. As Christina S. wrote, "I haven't been able to hug my adult children in over a year because of COVID. I just want a hug."

Several moms said they wanted their family to get vaccinated for this very reason.

Tip for this stage: Coordinate a family gathering for moms of adult kids, in person if it can be done safely or virtually if that's a better option.

Moms want their own moms back.

Mother's Day isn't all sunshine and puppies; it's a hard day for a lot of people for lots of reasons.

A number of commenters said that what they really wish they could have for Mother's Day is time with their own moms who are no longer with them—a heartbreaking but real sentiment. Equally as moving are the comments from moms who don't have good relationships with their own mothers and wish they did.

These folks provide a needed reminder to treasure the relationships we have with our moms if we have them, while we have them.

Tip: Acknowledge the loss and grief some people might be feeling on Mother's Day. A special framed photo of a mom who has passed on might be appropriate. For others, a simple, "Thinking of you today, I know it's hard," message may be appreciated.

Whether a mom in your life wants a day away from family or a day filled with family, whether she wants a special creation from her kids or a day at a spa (or both), Mother's Day is her day. Ask her what an ideal day would look like to her, and then do what you can to make something like it happen for her.

Wishing all the moms out there a Happy Mother's Day! Hope you get what you want and need, whatever that means for you.

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Research shows why you should always pet your dog before leaving the house

via Pixabay

One of the most wonderful things about having a dog is how attached they become to their owners. I work from home and my Jack Russel terrier, Scout, lies next to me on his bed for most of the day. The only time he leaves my office is for a sip of water or to go outside and sun his belly on the porch.

That's why whenever I leave the house and can't take Scout with me, I wonder, "Does he miss me? Is he sad that he's alone?" Studies show that our dogs miss us the moment we leave the house and that feeling slowly intensifies until we are gone for about four hours and they have a "plateau of melancholy." That's why the longer you're away, the more excited your dog is when you return home.

The moment I pull up in my car Scout begins to howl like a wolf trying to contact someone who's miles away. It's like, "Dude, I'm 30 feet away. Give me a second to grab the groceries out of the trunk."

Researchers from the Universities of Pisa and Perugia, Italy have found that if you give your dog some affection before you leave the house they'll have less anxiety while you're away.

They conducted experiments with 10 dogs between the ages of one and 11 without attachment issues. The group was composed of seven mixed-breed dogs, one Labrador retriever, one Hovawart, and one Chihuahua.

Participants in the study walked their leashed dogs into a fenced area where they were greeted by a researcher who took their dog's heart rate. In the first test, after the owners walked their dogs into the area, they talked with a researcher for one minute then left without giving the dog any special attention.

In the second test, the dog owners petted the dog during their interaction with the researcher.

In both tests, the owners left the fenced area and hid far enough away so that the dog couldn't smell them.

After the owners left, the dogs looked for them for about three minutes on average. After the owners returned, the researchers measured the dogs' levels of the stress hormone cortisol as well as their heart rates.

The researchers found that whether the dogs were petted or not, their cortisol levels were unchanged. But their heart rate showed a marked decrease if the owners petted them before leaving. Researchers later watched videos of the dogs and found that the ones that were petted showed " behaviors indicative of calmness for a longer period while waiting for the owner's return."

Next time I'm ready to leave the house and Scout follows me to the front door after saying, "Sorry bud, you can't go with me on this trip," I'll kneel down and give him a little extra love and attention.

Maybe that way he won't howl like the house is on fire when I pull up in my car after a trip to the grocery store.

This article originally appeared four years ago.

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Pop Culture

Cool video reveals why people in old movies talked 'funny'

This speech pattern isn’t completely British or completely American, but a cool third thing.

Rotten Tomatoes YouTube/His Girl Friday (1940)

Cary Grant was a master of the Transatlantic accent

There's a distinct accent that American actors and broadcasters used in the early days of radio and in pre-World War II movies. It's most obvious in old newsreel footage where the announcer speaks in a high-pitched tone, omits his "Rs" at the end of words, and sounds like a New Yorker who just returned from a summer holiday with the British royal family.

This speaking style is also heard in the speeches of Franklin D. Roosevelt and just about any performance by Orson Welles. But today, this accent is all but nonexistent, prompting the question: Did Americans speak differently before the advent of television?

The video below, "Why Do People in Old Movies Talk Weird?" reveals the secret of this distinct inflection known as the Transatlantic or Mid-Atlantic accent, and why it was so prominent in early 20th-century American media.

20th Century Cinema and the Transatlantic/Mid-Atlantic Accent

Though the accent was heard across various films during the earlier part of 20th century cinema, this was not how day-to-day people talked. It existed just where it was most heard: in American media. Theater, radio, and film in the early to mid-20th century were saturated with the accent that was a little bit American and a little bit British at once. Though it borrowed from these two locales, the Mid-Atlantic accent isn't "native" to a certain place. In truth, it's an intentionally acquired speech pattern that was primarily taught in top acting schools, according toNo Film School.

The accent was "considered a sign of sophistication and education" and a staple of wealthy high society. Actors in the Golden Age of Hollywood like Cary Grant and Kathryn Hepburn are known for the use of the accent, but it was also adopted by some American Aristocrats.

Though the Transatlantic/Mid-Atlantic accent fell out of fashion during the latter half of the 20th century as the prominence of radio and broadcasting dwindled, it is still taught and learned by modern actors today. Backstage, a #1 resource and platform for up-and-coming actors, creators, and members of the film industry calls the accent "a vital tool in an actor's toolbox."

Pretty swell, eh?


This article originally appeared eight years ago.

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Brit shares the one-word 'dead giveaway' that American actors are doing an English accent

There's one word they never get right.

via Warner Bros Discovery

Peter Dinklage on "Game of Thrones?

When it comes to actors doing accents across the pond, some Americans are known for their great British accents, such as Natalie Portman ("The Other Boleyn Girl"), Robert Downey, Jr. ("Sherlock Homes"), and Meryl Streep ("The Iron Lady").

Some have taken a lot of heat for their cartoonish or just plain weird-sounding British accents, Dick Van Dyke ("Mary Poppins"), Kevin Costner ("Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves") and Keanu Reeves ("Bram Stoker's Dracula").

Some actors, such as Tom Hardy (“The Drop”) and Hugh Laurie (“House”), have American accents so good that people have no idea they are British.

Benedict Townsend, a London-based comedian and host of the “Scroll Deep” podcast, says there is one word that American actors playing characters with a British accent never get right. And no, it’s not the word “Schedule,” which British people pronounce the entire first 3 letters, and Americans boil down to 2. And it’s not “aluminum,” which British and American people seem to pronounce every stinking letter differently.

@benedicttown

The one word American actors aways get wrong when doing an English accent

What word do American actors always get wrong when they do British accents?

“There is one word that is a dead giveaway that an English character in a movie or a TV show is being played by an American. One word that always trips them up. And once you notice it, you can't stop noticing it,” Townsend says. “You would see this lot in ‘Game of Thrones’ and the word that would always trip them up was ‘daughter.’”

Townsend adds that when British people say “daughter,” they pronounce it like the word “door” or “door-tah.” Meanwhile, Americans, even when they are putting on a British accent, say it like “dah-ter.”

“So top tip if you are an actor trying to do an English accent, daughter like a door. Like you're opening a door,” Townsend says.



What word do British actors always get wrong when doing American accents?

Some American commenters returned the favor by sharing the word that British actors never get right when using American accents: “Anything.”

"I can always tell a Brit playing an American by the word anything. An American would say en-ee-thing. Brits say it ena-thing,” Dreaming_of_Gaea wrote. "The dead giveaway for English people playing Americans: ‘Anything.’ Brits always say ‘EH-nuh-thin,’” marliemagill added.

"I can always tell an actor is English playing an American when they say ‘anything.’ English people always say it like ‘enny-thin,’” mkmason wrote.



What is the cot-caught merger?

One commenter noted that the problem goes back to the cot-caught merger, when Americans in the western US and Canadians began to merge different sounds into one. People on the East Coast and in Britain pronounce them as different sounds.

“Depending on where you live, you might be thinking one of two things right now: Of course, ‘cot’ and ‘caught’ sound exactly the same! or There’s no way that ‘cot’ and ‘caught’ sound the same!” Laura McGrath writes at DoYouReadMe. “As a result, although the different spellings remain, the vowel sounds in the words cot/caught, nod/gnawed, stock/stalk are identical for some English speakers and not for others.”

American actors owe Townsend a debt of gratitude for pointing out the one thing that even the best can’t seem to get right. He should also give the commenters a tip of the cap for sharing the big word that British people have trouble with when doing an American accent. Now, if we could just get through to Ewan McGregor and tell him that even though he is fantastic in so many films, his American accent still needs a lot of work.

This article originally appeared last year.

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5 ways John Hughes movies shaped every Gen X-er’s life

And it's in more ways than you think.

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Archivo:The breakfastclub.jpg - Wikipedia, la enciclopedia libre


There are filmmakers, and then there are TRENDSETTERS. John Hughes was both. He tapped into the cynical, yet secretly hopeful hearts of young Gen X-ers: the latchkey kids, the forgotten ones—the generation that started to notice the stitching was breaking apart, but we had skateboards to ride and malls to linger in. So, like, really? Who had time to make protest signs?

You could almost say that, if a spiritual movement could be applied to a generation, we were the Buddhists, letting the mistakes of our elders float right by, like literal trash in an ocean, without judgment. But most of all, we just wanted to have a good time in the midst of our angst.

John Hughes understood that better than almost any writer/director around. And one of the reasons he brought so much optimism to tweens and teens of the 80s is that he was a hopeless romantic himself. He lived in an affluent neighborhood, married his high school sweetheart, had two kids, and stayed with her until he passed in 2009. It seems he wanted to instill that optimism into every adorable, jaded kid he could find.

Curated Our Soundtracks

One of the most important elements in any John Hughes film was the music. You kind of can’t think of the movie Pretty in Pink without its counterpart song by The Psychedelic Furs. Or how can one hear OMD's If You Leave without it conjuring up images of Duckie and Blane competing at the prom?

John Hughes Pink GIF by IBTrav ArtworksGiphy

Hughes found the music and brought it to us. Songs like "(Don't You) Forget About Me" by Simple Minds, which was written for his film The Breakfast Club (though it was first offered to Bryan Ferry, Billy Idol, and Corey Hart before Jim Kerr decided to do it).

But those are just the top 40 hits that got tons of radio play. Kate Bush's This Woman's Work (She's Having a Baby), The Thompson Twins' If You Were Here (Sixteen Candles), Flesh for Lulu's I Go Crazy (Some Kind of Wonderful). He didn’t wait for us to decide if we were gonna like Echo and the Bunnymen, The Smiths, or New Order—he gave us reasons to like them.

Tore Down the Walls

The entire premise of The Breakfast Club is that a bunch of Gen-X kids from different walks of life and popularity statuses could be thrown together for a day and learn that they're really not all that different. These invisible walls that divide us are made-up constructs, and at the end of the day, yep... a jock, a rebel, a princess, a brain, a criminal, and a basket case could respect and even, (gasp) like one another.

This was far from the only time Hughes explored this theme. In Pretty in Pink, star-crossed lovers played by Molly Ringwald and Andrew McCarthy fall hard, despite living on (literal) opposite sides of the tracks. Even in cameos, Ferris Bueller's sister (played by Jennifer Grey) falls hard for rebel Charlie Sheen.

And it's not just the teens. In Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Hughes stuck snobby Steve Martin and lovable, goofy John Candy together, and in the end, they found a friendship never thought possible.

The Breakfast Club Allison GIF by IFCGiphy

Made Crushes Attainable

Move over, Taylor Swift. John Hughes was there first, writing about dreamy crushes who seemed just out of reach but really weren’t. The teenage crush anxiety was never better exemplified than it was in Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, or even Some Kind of Wonderful. It usually involved a love triangle centered around our relatable "everyday" person (like the aforementioned Molly Ringwald or Eric Stoltz), an adorable alternative kid or nerd (like, say, Jon Cryer's Duckie or Anthony Michael Hall as Farmer Ted), and the object of desire, whomever that might have been.

Whether Blane, Jake Ryan, or Amanda Jones, what these characters had in common was their kindness. It would have been easy to vilify them, but John found that their humanity was just as important as any other character's. They were "so real," it maybe why a lot of Gen-Xers might find sitting at a table over birthday candles and/or kissing in the rain the only TRUE expression of romance.

molly ringwald 80s GIFGiphy

Cool to be Weird

Most of John Hughes's characters were the epitome of self-actualization. Ferris Bueller, as played by Matthew Broderick, had the soul of an 80-year-old trapped in the body of the coolest high school kid ever. (Many believe Hughes saw himself as more of a Cameron than a Ferris.) None of Ringwald's characters shied away from being unique, wearing funky hats, and standing up for what she believed in. And Duckie. If Duckie could slide into a record store singing "Try a Little Tenderness," there's nothing we high school freshmen couldn’t do either. It was cool to be weird. It was okay to be popular. And it was inspiring to redefine what being popular even meant.

Animated GIFGiphy

All Hail John Candy

And lastly—and maybe most importantly—John Hughes reminded us that John Candy was a national treasure and we should celebrate him daily!

planes trains and automobiles GIF by Hollywood SuiteGiphy

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Modern Families

Man hilariously calls out why the trend of giving babies 'old people names' has got to go

“Ma’am. George is a mechanic in his 60s and he can’t work on your car this week because his sugars is running high.”

@mannybuckley/TikTok, Photo credit: Canva

Someone finally said what we're all thinking.

Listen, baby name trends come and go. What was once a hip and cool name will eventually be seen as passé (this coming from someone with a name that is now obsolete, apparently) and names once thought of as old-fashioned will absolutely become cool again. It’s part of the circle of life, like the tides, the seasons, the rising and setting of the sun…accept it.

In fact, this comeback is already happening. According to the Social Security Administration, vintage names like Theodore, Henry, Willam, Charlotte, Evelyn, and Emma are among the top ten most popular baby names of the moment. Jimmy Fallon’s daughters are named Winnie and Frances, for crying out loud.

However, just because there’s been an uptick in names that harken you back to a time when “good show, old sport” was a common phrase, not everyone is on board. Recently, content creator Manny Buckley hilariously put into words what many of us think of these WWII era names.

In a clip posted to his TikTok, Buckley first savagely said, “Y’all went from naming all y’all’s kids Jayden, Cayden, and Aiden, Madison, Addison, and Addylyn to giving them all old people names.” He then recounted being on a train and hearing another call after her toddler, whose name was George.

“Ma’am. George is a mechanic in his 60s and he can’t work on your car this week because his sugars is running high.” Where’s the lie?

@mannybuckley What is this cycle of naming kids!? #names #naming #name ♬ original sound - 𝕄𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕪 𝔹𝕦𝕔𝕜𝕝𝕖𝕪

He didn’t stop there, going on a lighthearted rant about the types of images certain now-popular names actually evoke, like Agnes (a “Florida retiree in her 70s who cannot leave the retirement home”), Ira (an “80 year old Jewish man”), Belinda (a “registered nurse who has been working in the field for 50 years”), and Clifford (a 85-year-old navy vet who needs “all y'all to be quiet”). Nary a kid sounding name in sight, if you ask him.

Though the video was clearly just a lighthearted jab, a few adults came into the comments to defend the use of vintage names.

“We aren’t naming babies. We’re naming people,” one top comment wrote, while another seconded, “Exactly! Some people don’t realize this. They are kids for a very short period of time, then they are adults.”

Still, another quipped, “yeah, but they aren’t senior citizens forever either!” Another wrote “I’m Martha…I’ve been 80 since the first grade.”

A few others, particularly teachers, chimed in with their own equally funny experience of kids having old fashioned names.

I am a kindergarten teacher. I have Marjorie and Brenda. It’s like a 1950’s secretarial pool.

I have kindergarteners named Edyth, Arthur, and Iris. They’re going to form a knitting club at recess.”

“My nephew is Charles lmao and he may only be 2.5, but he is the school maintenance and everyone call uncle.”

“We have Matilda and Cordelia, 4 and 2, shelling beans on the porch. Their nicknames are just as old, Tilly and Della. I love them though.”

And there you have it, folks. We have indeed come full circle. But is it any weirder than the thought of someone calling their Grandma Brittany? I think not.

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