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Five Gen X values from the ’90s that can save today’s world

We're bringing "whatever" back.

1990s, gen x, '90s values

A mix tape from 1992.

A few weeks ago I came across an article about a kid who watches television at 1.5x speed so he can cram as much viewing in as he can. It seemed that his unquenchable desire to get through shows in the Golden Age of television meant he’d sacrifice the entertainment value of the show just to get to the end.

“Man, this guy would have been crucified in 1993,” I thought.

As a 45-year-old card-carrying member of Generation X (those born between 1965 and 1979), I remembered a time when nobody bragged about the amount of TV they watched. In fact, they bragged about not owning a TV. “I don't watch TV, man,” people would say. “It only exists to sell you stuff.”

This complete reversal on the social acceptance of gluttonous TV viewing made me wonder what happened to the values we were raised on as Gen Xers? We were taught that sincerity was for simpletons, everything corporate is evil, old school is always better than the latest and greatest, authenticity is king, conformity is death and there is nothing worse than being a sell-out or a poser.


Nobody would have ever referred to themselves as an “influencer” in 1991—that’s the definition of a sell-out.

“After writing this book, I’m back in the mindset of ’90s thinking, which is that nothing is worse than selling out,” Chuck Klosterman, author of “The Nineties: A Book,” told Esquire. “Nothing was more embarrassing in the ’90s than trying to convince people to like the thing you made."

Deep inside the heart of almost every Gen Xer is a deep-seated feeling of nihilism. We didn’t trust the corporations that laid off our parents or gutted their pensions in the ’80s. In fact, everything corporate was predatory. We didn’t have a lot of faith in family values because we were the first generation raised by single parents or in daycare. We didn’t care much about politics either. Back in the ’90s, Gen X’s aversion to politics was historic.

Of course, these are all generalities about a generation of nearly about 65 million people, but studies show that there are some definite hallmarks of being a Gen Xer.


According to a generational differences document circulated through the business community, Gen X’s core values are “skepticism,” “fun” and “informality.” They’re described as “self-reliant,” “independent,” “unimpressed with authority” and motivated by “freedom.”

In the young Gen Xer, the culture of the era “instilled a wariness and skepticism, and a kind of ‘figure it out for yourself’ mindset,” Paul Taylor, author of “The Next America: Boomers, Millennials, and the Looming Generational Showdown” told The Washington Post. And with that came a sense “that you don’t have to shine a light on yourself. You’re not the center of the universe.”

But things have changed since the ’90s when Gen X was coming of age. We live in an American culture that is fractured by political partisanship, fueled by a constant culture of outrage, crippled by a preoccupation with technology, plundered by greedy boomers and annoyed by overly sensitive millennials. All of this is happening while we face the greatest challenge of our times, climate change.

The answer to all of these problems is simple: admit that Gen X at one point had it right and if we followed its lead, we could reverse these terrible trends. OK, it might not fix all of our woes, but the way things are going now surely aren’t working. Plus, weren’t the ’90s great?

Also, with hat in hand, I must admit that this message is for Gen Xers as well. Many of us have lost our way by forgetting our disdain for authority and skepticism toward institutions. This is a call for us to remember what we once stood for and to fight back by doing what we do best—staying above the fray.

Gen X, it’s time to strap on your Dr. Martens boots and get back to fighting the “Battle of Who Could Care Less.” It’s time we collectively got our “whatever” back and showed the other generations how powerful dismissiveness can be.

Here are the top five Gen X values that we need to embrace again.

5.  Buying vintage items

Nothing was less hip in the early ’90s than wearing mall clothes. If you had any style you shopped at a thrift store and bought used duds from the ’70s and early ’80s and remixed them into something awesome. If you were into hip-hop or skating you shopped at the surplus store and rocked some super-durable Dickies or Carhartt gear. The mood of the times was totally anti-fashion. These days, we live in a world where fast fashion is killing the environment. By embracing the Gen X value of old-school cool, we can help the planet while looking much more fashionable in the process.

4. Corporate skepticism

In the early 2000s, people fell head-over-heels in love with smartphone technology and social media so quickly that nobody stopped and said, “Hey, wait a minute!” Now, we have a world where kids are depressed, the culture has become divided and nobody talks to each other in public anymore, they just stare at their phones. I can totally understand why young millennials and Luddite boomers would fall for the big-tech ruse, but sadly, Gen X was asleep at the wheel and fell victim, too. The generation that embraced the notion that TV rotted your brain needs to remind everyone to go outside and play in the sunshine or read a book. And if you read a book it should be by Bret Easton Ellis.

3. Just say “whatever”

Two of the most popular Gen X phrases were “whatever” and “talk to the hand (because the face don’t give a damn).” These may seem to be flippant responses but they are the correct way to deal with other people’s nonsense and in 2022, we have to deal with a constant barrage of it.

Somewhere along the way, people forgot that it’s even more powerful to ignore someone than to admit they got under your skin. In the world of social media, we unintentionally amplify the most wretched voices by subtweeting, commenting and liking the posts from the army of grifters fighting for our attention.

We also live in an era where many seem to be addicted to outrage. The quickest way to stop fanning the flames of outrage is with a simple, “whatever.” Like dogs distracted by squirrels, we’ve got our heads on outrage swivels these days. Throwing around the occasional “whatever” gives us the time and energy to focus on the problems that really matter and take action.

These days “whatever” matters more than ever.

2. Bring back snobbery

Good taste used to matter. In the 2000s, millennials decided that people have the right to like what they like and that it’s worse to judge someone’s personal taste than to have bad taste. Gen Xers based their entire personalities on taste and demanded integrity from artists and were rewarded by living in a time of superior films and music. These days, no one listens to new music and we’re stuck in a world dominated by comic book movies because no one stood up and shamed people for liking low-effort culture.

1. ​Political apathy

America’s political divide has calcified over the past decade because more and more people are basing their personal identities on their politics. This has created a culture where the dialog between liberals and conservatives has become a shouting match that only makes people dig their heels in further. It’s also created a culture in Washington, D.C. that has attracted a more debased form of politician and led to the gridlock that has halted any sense of progress. Sadly, Gen X has also been sucked into this vortex.

Things were a lot different in the ’90s. Back in 1999, Ted Halstead at The Atlantic noted that Xers “appear to have enshrined political apathy as a way of life.” He added that Gen Xers “exhibit less social trust or confidence in government, have a weaker allegiance to their country or to either political party.”

Compared to what’s going on in America in 2022, this type of apathy seems welcome. Back in the ’90s, taking a “chill pill” could solve everything. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone took one, and then we could open our ears and hearts and have some constructive discussions?

There was a common lament in the 1980s that the boomer hippies had sold out and became boomer yuppies. They went from being concerned with peace, love and the planet to stocks, bonds and conspicuous consumption. Gen X is now in its 40s and 50s and it’s fair to say that we've moved from being the outsiders to creating technological and political machines that are generating the type of conformity that we once railed against.

Now that Xers are at the age where we get to run the world for a few decades, it’s time to recommit to the core values that make us well … us. The great news is that as Gen Xers, it’ll be easy to get back to our roots because we were raised to ironically love the past.


This article originally appeared on 03.10.22

Mel Robinson making a TED Talk.

Towards the end of The Beatles’ illustrious but brief career, Paul McCartney wrote “Let it Be,” a song about finding peace by letting events take their natural course. It was a sentiment that seemed to mirror the feeling of resignation the band had with its imminent demise.

The bittersweet song has had an appeal that has lasted generations and that may be because it reflects an essential psychological concept: the locus of control. “It’s about understanding where our influence ends and accepting that some things are beyond our control,” Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist, told The Huffington Post. “We can’t control others, so instead, we should focus on our own actions and responses.”

This idea of giving up control, or the illusion of it, when it does us no good, was perfectly distilled into 2 words that everyone can understand as the “Let Them” theory. Podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer Mel Robbins explained this theory perfectly in a vial Instagram video.

“I just heard about this thing called the ‘Let Them Theory,’ I freaking love this,” Robbins starts the video.

“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.” Robbins says in the clip. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”

“If they’re not showing up how you want them to show up, do not try to force them to change; let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them – and then you get to choose what you do next,” she continued.

The phrase is a great one to keep in your mental health tool kit because it’s a reminder that, for the most part, we can’t control other people. And if we can, is it worth wasting the emotional energy? Especially when we can allow people to behave as they wish and then we can react to them however we choose.

@melrobbins

Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations. Instead, try using the “Let Them Theory.” 💥 Listen now on the #melrobbinspodcast!! “The “Let Them Theory”: A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #letthemtheory #letgo #lettinggo #podcast #podcastepisode

How you respond to their behavior can significantly impact how they treat you in the future.

It’s also incredibly freeing to relieve yourself of the responsibility of changing people or feeling responsible for their actions. As the old Polish proverb goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

“Yes! It’s much like a concept propelled by the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k.’ Save your energy and set your boundaries accordingly. It’s realizing that we only have “control” over ourselves and it’s so freeing,” 60DaysToLive2012 wrote.

“Let It Be” brought Paul McCartney solace as he dealt with losing his band in a very public breakup. The same state of mind can help all of us, whether it’s dealing with parents living in the past, friends who change and you don’t feel like you know them anymore, or someone who cuts you off in traffic because they’re in a huge rush to go who knows where.

The moment someone gets on your nerves and you feel a jolt of anxiety run up your back, take a big breath and say, “Let them.”


This article originally appeared last year.

Education

Never know how to answer the 'What do you do' question? This simple formula can help.

How many times have you been asked, "What do you do?" and not known what to say?

Let's face it, our answers to this question are usually a bit blasé.

We’ve all been there. The moment we’re face to face with a stranger and the ice breakers begin rolling in. During this little tête-à-tête, one question is sure to be as inevitable as Thanos himself: “What do you do?”

Even for the most skilled small talkers among us, this is not always a particularly easy question to answer. Not without sounding overly vague, sterile, or, yes, even dull. But as CNBC contributor and author Jessica Chen will tell you, there is a tried-and-true method that not only provides an answer for the “What do you do?” question but inspires authentic connection with others.

Her formula, which is included in her book Smart, Not Loud: How to Get Noticed at Work for All the Right Reasons, is pretty simple and definitely gives you more to work with than just saying your job title, which, barring any astronauts or Grammy award winners reading this, can sound pretty bland for most of us.


Without further ado, here are the 3 points to hit in your answer, according to Chen.

1. Talk about the issues you solve

This can help paint the picture that anyone can relate to, even if they have zero familiarity with your industry. Chen advises putting this in the form of a rhetorical question.

Examples:

  • “You know how cyberattacks are getting more frequent and sophisticated?”
  • “You know how you see ads when you scroll through a news story?”

2. Share the solutions you offer

Now’s your chance to clearly explain how your work addresses the issue you set up in step one. Chen notes that it’s important to think about “real-life implications" of what you do every day:

Examples:

  • “What I do is create software systems that alert companies when a suspicious user tries to access their platform.”
  • “What I do is research the best places to put ads so that they have maximum visibility.”

3. Drop some proof

This is where you tie it all together, using a story or other pertinent company details, in order to solidify your credibility.

  • “In fact, our organization is one of the largest cybersecurity companies in the world with clients like [well-known company].”
  • “In fact, the click-through rate of our ads is around 3%, which is much higher than the industry average.”

Put all those together and you’ve got: “You know how [talk about issues you solve]? So what I do is [share the solutions you offer]. In fact, [drop some proof].” Badda bing, badda boom, a concise, yet well-thought out and impactful answer that actually provides a snapshot of what you do for a living. Side effects might include nods of interest and response in the form of, “Wow, cool!”


If you’re struggling with all things small talk, having a go-to approach, much like this one, isn’t a bad idea. Having things like the FORD method, which is essentially a list of ice breaker questions that will get virtually anyone talking, in the back pocket can really help offset any social jitters that get in the way in the heat of the moment.

Basically, it’s totally okay if you don’t naturally have the gift of gab. But since you will likely have to engage in conversations throughout a good chunk of your life, it might behoove you to find ways to make it less stressful. And even for those of us who are extroverted and can chat with anyone, there are ways in which we can make our communication more impactful.

Nolan Reid / TikTok

There's an old joke slash meme that goes something like this: "Guys literally only want one thing and it's disgusting." Its used to imply, obviously, that men are shallow and crude creatures. TikTok creator and simple-life advocate Nolan Reid, however, has a different idea of what men really want.

Nolan recently made a video about "Little things in life that make men happy."

The hilarious list includes:

  • A fridge full of beer.
  • Drinking said beer in the garage. With your dog. And a good buddy.
  • Finding a cool stick.
  • Kicking a rock.
  • Staring at water.
  • Dropping rocks into said water.

As a fellow man, I would say: Yeah. That pretty much covers it.

It really doesn't take much! Watch Nolan's full video to see the rest, and just appreciate how much joy and satisfaction he gets from these simple thing.




People loved Nolan's list – so much so that they began adding their own ideas of "simple things men love."

The video racked up hundreds of thousands of views across TikTok and Instagram.

One commenter wrote, "He just described my whole personality." Another added, "This guy gets it."

Others chimed in with their own additions to the list, like staring at a fire for hours. Or just peace and quiet.

But most of the nearly 200 comments were just people chiming in to say one thing:

"Hell yeah."

Finally, someone who understands us.

Nolan's ultra-relaxed vision of "masculinity" is honestly so refreshing.

Men on social media are usually bombarded with the Andrew Tates and Jordan Petersons of the world, influencers who constantly berate us to make more money, lose weight and add muscle, sleep with more women, take charge, relentlessly self-improve.

I like Nolan's much chiller idea of masculinity. It reminds me of being a kid, taking pleasure in the simple things, not racing to be anywhere, not trying to impress anyone or prove anything.

Nolan's entire account is a breath of fresh air, an antidote to hustle culture. His videos find joy in:

  • Breaking down cardboard boxes
  • Driving at sunset
  • Going fishing
  • Throwing a frisbee
  • Wearing t-shirts
A daily visit to his page is almost like a meditation. I highly recommend giving him a follow to add a little counterprogramming to your social media feed.

Nolan says in another recent video that he started making TikToks and Instagram reels just for fun, but discovered along the way that he was really passionate about the message.

"I never thought that my simple living and love for little things would resonate with so many of you."

He said he hopes to inspire people to "take a step back and enjoy the good simple things in life."

I suddenly have the urge to go chuck a rock into a river, so I would say: Mission Accomplished!

This article originally appeared last year.

A woman can't believe who just texted her.

It’s funny to think that text messaging has only been a common form of communication for about 25 years. It began to take hold in the late 1990s, but most phones didn’t have full keyboards. You had to multi-tap a number on the handset to get to the correct letter. Needless to say, it took a long time just to get your thoughts out. It could also be expensive. Unlimited text wasn’t a thing back then, so you got dinged for 10 to 20 cents for every message you sent.

In 1998, Donovan Shears of Coventry, England, was so excited to get his first mobile phone for his 18th birthday that he texted a bunch of random numbers while hanging out at a pub where he worked. "I started sending out random text messages, showing off to my friends. I picked the first four digits the same as mine, then the last three digits randomly—it was probably about five or six different numbers—and then didn't think anything of it,” he said, according to the BBC.

But one person responded to his text, an 18-year-old girl named Kirsty in Cleethorpes, Lincolnshire, 100 miles away, who wrote, “Who’s this?” Donovan responded with a simple “Don.” Kirsty had just got a mobile phone, so she figured the text was from someone she had recently given her phone number to. Remember, those were the wonderful days when you didn’t get spam texts randomly saying, “Hi, how are you?” Today, Donovan’s text probably would have been blocked and marked as SPAM.

Donovan and Kirsty then began a conversation that has continued ever since. "That single moment led to over 20 years of love, laughter, and partnership," they said. They began texting each other daily, but after getting £250 ($311) phone bills, they started calling one another. Donovan immediately fell in love with Kirsty's Scottish accent.

Six months after the first text, Kirsty drove to Coventry to meet Donovan in person. "I said to my stepsister, I've got to go and meet this guy, and she was like, 'He could be anyone,' and I was like, 'Yes, I know,' but I was 18 and didn't really think about consequences. I just got on a train and came to Coventry."

The couple danced the night away at a club and then, in pure English tradition, capped the night off with a kebab. "I remember coming back from our first night out, and we just cuddled up; it was kind of magical in a way,” Donovan said, according to Grimsby Live.

The couple married four years later and have two children, Alora, 6, and Stirling, 9. Donovan has nothing but praise for Kirsty: "She is an amazing woman. She's so intelligent, and we know each other so well. She's my best friend as well as my wife."

The story is an incredible example of how the most important relationships in our lives sometimes come together just out of random chance. A meeting at a bar or an interaction at the supermarket can change our lives forever. It’s also a touching example of how the excitement over the ability to send a text message in 1998 brought together two people who never would have met without it. For all the pain that technology brings us in the modern world, there are still many reasons to love its ability to bring people together.

Photo credit: Canva, Note via @nightsayni/Reddit

He's sorry. He didn't mean to be mean.

For the most part, mood swings are pretty normal for kids. But man, can it be a challenge for parents to ride those emotional rollercoasters. After all, to stay completely regulated as someone goes from sweet giggles to unintelligible rage in .0002 seconds takes the tolerance of a trained monk. Still, even a little patience goes a long way with this herculean task.

Take this dad for instance, who recently shared two wildly different handwritten notes from his 5-year-old son, spanned only 10 minutes apart. For context, the dad explained that his son has gotten furious at him for “reading something to him instead of slowly sounding out the sounds for him to read himself.” What a monster, right?

During a time out his son took to cool off, he managed to write this sick burn: “You’re the worst dad in the world. I don’t even like you.”

The little fella must have immediately regretted his choice, because he also wrote another note, which read: “Sorry, sorry. I did not mean to be mean to you,” along with a sad picture of himself for good measure.


Have many, many, many parents been in this exact same boat? Judging by the comments, most certainly. One person wrote, “Kids are... interesting when it comes to mood swings; my 2 year old had a total meltdown this weekend because I opened his yogurt for him (he wanted to open it, but I didn't think he wanted to do it). A few minutes of crying and he popped back together and just ate his yogurt and was happy again.”

Another echoed, “Father of two 5y/os here. This is 100% normal and happens multiple times a week in our home. Lots of emotions at this age.”

One parent even shared how having safe spaces to process those big emotions can help kids develop into pretty emotionally stable adults, writing, “My son at that age would put himself into timeout (I never once put him into timeout but his kindergarten had that system).. so he would go into his room after he said something mean to me.. sit in a corner for 5-10 min and then come out and apologize and say he didn’t mean it.. he is almost 21 now and still the most thoughtful person I know, always considering how his words impact others.”

One person could even relate to the kiddo’s dilemma, saying, “Emotions are big and overwhelming! Sometimes I want to do the dang thing myself and sometimes I just want it done when I think about it. Thankfully in my decades on earth I'm better at recognizing and communicating the difference, but I totally get his frustration.”

gif of man throwing a tantrumIf we don't teach our kids to regulate their emotions early, workplaces might look like this in 20 years.media.giphy.com

But of course the best comment goes to the person who simply appreciated that “Lil bro had a whole character arc.”

It’s funny to see in plain writing the kind of emotional whiplash that every parent experiences once in a while. But this story is also a nice reminder to not take any of it personally. Because sometimes all it takes is ten minutes, and a little compassion, for things to go back to normal again.

Hopefully the dad holds onto these notes to re-read aloud one day. At his son’s wedding perhaps. Or his 21st birthday.