upworthy
Joy

Five Gen X values from the ’90s that can save today’s world

We're bringing "whatever" back.

1990s, gen x, '90s values
via Unsplash

A mix tape from 1992.

A few weeks ago I came across an article about a kid who watches television at 1.5x speed so he can cram as much viewing in as he can. It seemed that his unquenchable desire to get through shows in the Golden Age of television meant he’d sacrifice the entertainment value of the show just to get to the end.

“Man, this guy would have been crucified in 1993,” I thought.

As a 45-year-old card-carrying member of Generation X (those born between 1965 and 1979), I remembered a time when nobody bragged about the amount of TV they watched. In fact, they bragged about not owning a TV. “I don't watch TV, man,” people would say. “It only exists to sell you stuff.”

This complete reversal on the social acceptance of gluttonous TV viewing made me wonder what happened to the values we were raised on as Gen Xers? We were taught that sincerity was for simpletons, everything corporate is evil, old school is always better than the latest and greatest, authenticity is king, conformity is death and there is nothing worse than being a sell-out or a poser.

Nobody would have ever referred to themselves as an “influencer” in 1991—that’s the definition of a sell-out.

“After writing this book, I’m back in the mindset of ’90s thinking, which is that nothing is worse than selling out,” Chuck Klosterman, author of “The Nineties: A Book,” told Esquire. “Nothing was more embarrassing in the ’90s than trying to convince people to like the thing you made."

Deep inside the heart of almost every Gen Xer is a deep-seated feeling of nihilism. We didn’t trust the corporations that laid off our parents or gutted their pensions in the ’80s. In fact, everything corporate was predatory. We didn’t have a lot of faith in family values because we were the first generation raised by single parents or in daycare. We didn’t care much about politics either. Back in the ’90s, Gen X’s aversion to politics was historic.

Of course, these are all generalities about a generation of nearly about 65 million people, but studies show that there are some definite hallmarks of being a Gen Xer.


According to a generational differences document circulated through the business community, Gen X’s core values are “skepticism,” “fun” and “informality.” They’re described as “self-reliant,” “independent,” “unimpressed with authority” and motivated by “freedom.”

In the young Gen Xer, the culture of the era “instilled a wariness and skepticism, and a kind of ‘figure it out for yourself’ mindset,” Paul Taylor, author of “The Next America: Boomers, Millennials, and the Looming Generational Showdown” told The Washington Post. And with that came a sense “that you don’t have to shine a light on yourself. You’re not the center of the universe.”

But things have changed since the ’90s when Gen X was coming of age. We live in an American culture that is fractured by political partisanship, fueled by a constant culture of outrage, crippled by a preoccupation with technology, plundered by greedy boomers and annoyed by overly sensitive millennials. All of this is happening while we face the greatest challenge of our times, climate change.

The answer to all of these problems is simple: admit that Gen X at one point had it right and if we followed its lead, we could reverse these terrible trends. OK, it might not fix all of our woes, but the way things are going now surely aren’t working. Plus, weren’t the ’90s great?

Also, with hat in hand, I must admit that this message is for Gen Xers as well. Many of us have lost our way by forgetting our disdain for authority and skepticism toward institutions. This is a call for us to remember what we once stood for and to fight back by doing what we do best—staying above the fray.

Gen X, it’s time to strap on your Dr. Martens boots and get back to fighting the “Battle of Who Could Care Less.” It’s time we collectively got our “whatever” back and showed the other generations how powerful dismissiveness can be.

Here are the top five Gen X values that we need to embrace again.

5.  Buying vintage items

Nothing was less hip in the early ’90s than wearing mall clothes. If you had any style you shopped at a thrift store and bought used duds from the ’70s and early ’80s and remixed them into something awesome. If you were into hip-hop or skating you shopped at the surplus store and rocked some super-durable Dickies or Carhartt gear. The mood of the times was totally anti-fashion. These days, we live in a world where fast fashion is killing the environment. By embracing the Gen X value of old-school cool, we can help the planet while looking much more fashionable in the process.

4. Corporate skepticism

In the early 2000s, people fell head-over-heels in love with smartphone technology and social media so quickly that nobody stopped and said, “Hey, wait a minute!” Now, we have a world where kids are depressed, the culture has become divided and nobody talks to each other in public anymore, they just stare at their phones. I can totally understand why young millennials and Luddite boomers would fall for the big-tech ruse, but sadly, Gen X was asleep at the wheel and fell victim, too. The generation that embraced the notion that TV rotted your brain needs to remind everyone to go outside and play in the sunshine or read a book. And if you read a book it should be by Bret Easton Ellis.

3. Just say “whatever”

Two of the most popular Gen X phrases were “whatever” and “talk to the hand (because the face don’t give a damn).” These may seem to be flippant responses but they are the correct way to deal with other people’s nonsense and in 2022, we have to deal with a constant barrage of it.

Somewhere along the way, people forgot that it’s even more powerful to ignore someone than to admit they got under your skin. In the world of social media, we unintentionally amplify the most wretched voices by subtweeting, commenting and liking the posts from the army of grifters fighting for our attention.

We also live in an era where many seem to be addicted to outrage. The quickest way to stop fanning the flames of outrage is with a simple, “whatever.” Like dogs distracted by squirrels, we’ve got our heads on outrage swivels these days. Throwing around the occasional “whatever” gives us the time and energy to focus on the problems that really matter and take action.

These days “whatever” matters more than ever.

2. Bring back snobbery

Good taste used to matter. In the 2000s, millennials decided that people have the right to like what they like and that it’s worse to judge someone’s personal taste than to have bad taste. Gen Xers based their entire personalities on taste and demanded integrity from artists and were rewarded by living in a time of superior films and music. These days, no one listens to new music and we’re stuck in a world dominated by comic book movies because no one stood up and shamed people for liking low-effort culture.

1. ​Political apathy

America’s political divide has calcified over the past decade because more and more people are basing their personal identities on their politics. This has created a culture where the dialog between liberals and conservatives has become a shouting match that only makes people dig their heels in further. It’s also created a culture in Washington, D.C. that has attracted a more debased form of politician and led to the gridlock that has halted any sense of progress. Sadly, Gen X has also been sucked into this vortex.

Things were a lot different in the ’90s. Back in 1999, Ted Halstead at The Atlantic noted that Xers “appear to have enshrined political apathy as a way of life.” He added that Gen Xers “exhibit less social trust or confidence in government, have a weaker allegiance to their country or to either political party.”

Compared to what’s going on in America in 2022, this type of apathy seems welcome. Back in the ’90s, taking a “chill pill” could solve everything. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone took one, and then we could open our ears and hearts and have some constructive discussions?

There was a common lament in the 1980s that the boomer hippies had sold out and became boomer yuppies. They went from being concerned with peace, love and the planet to stocks, bonds and conspicuous consumption. Gen X is now in its 40s and 50s and it’s fair to say that we've moved from being the outsiders to creating technological and political machines that are generating the type of conformity that we once railed against.

Now that Xers are at the age where we get to run the world for a few decades, it’s time to recommit to the core values that make us well … us. The great news is that as Gen Xers, it’ll be easy to get back to our roots because we were raised to ironically love the past.


This article originally appeared on 03.10.22

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generation x
Movies

Julie Andrews said she literally could "feel the evil" when visiting the Von Trapp house

The story behind the movie might be more interesting than the movie itself.

Image via Wikicommons

Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music

Sometimes the story behind the movie is more interesting than the story in the movie.

In her autobiography, Home Work, Julie Andrews shared some of her experiences filming The Sound of Music. Andrews spoke with BuzzFeed News about her book, revealing her thoughts on the actual von Trapp family house. The movie musical, which is based on a section of the real-life Maria von Trapp's book, The Story of the Trapp Family Singers, was shot in a Hollywood studio.

The classic scene of Julie Andrews spinning in a meadow was shot in Bavaria, and the exteriors of the von Trapp house were filmed at a different house entirely.


- YouTubewww.youtube.com


Andrews did visit the von Trapp house in Salzburg, Austria later on in her life.

"It wasn't until much later that I happened to visit the real villa where they actually lived," she told BuzzFeed News. During her visit, Andrews said she could "feel the evil that once permeated those walls." The evil Andrews refers to is, of course, the Nazis. "Because after they fled the country, which they had to do, as in the film, [Heinrich] Himmler took over that villa, and the atrocities there were just terrible," she continued.

The story behind the von Trapp house is much darker than what's touched on in the splashy Hollywood musical. The actual von Trapp family lived in the house from 1923 until they fled Austria in 1938. In 1938, the Nazis annexed Austria, making life hard for the singing family. Georg von Trapp refused to fly the Nazi flag on his house, and declined a request to sing at Hilter's birthday party. There was fear their neighbors would spy on them and their children would become brainwashed by Nazi politics. Even though the family was offered fame, they decided to stay true to their principals and leave Austria.

Julie Andrews, The Sound of Music, musicals, Germany, World War 2, Nazi Germany, Von TrappChristopher Plummer and Julie Andrews on location in Salzburg, 1964upload.wikimedia.org

Not one year later, the house was occupied by Nazis. Heinrich Himmler used the house as his summer residence until 1945.

Himmler was the second most powerful man of the Third Reich. Himmler set up and ran the Nazi concentration camps. The house was surrounded by armed guards and barbed wires. A barracks for the SS was built in the garden. Himmler also built the white wall around the house using slave labor. After the wall was completed, he had those who constructed the wall shot. Very monstrous.

Now, the von Trapp house is a more peaceful place. In 1947, the property was purchased from the von Trapp family by the Missionaries of the Precious Blood. In 2008, it opened to the public as a hotel.


- YouTubewww.youtube.com

While the house has a heavy history, the previous residents of the property took satisfaction in knowing the von Trapps resisted the Nazi party. "What Himmler did here is a heavy weight on the house," Precious Blood Fr. Andreas Hasenburger, the rector of the Kolleg St. Josef, told the National Catholic Reporter. "But we are also proud to live in the von Trapp house, the house of the man who said no to the Führer."

It takes a lot of guts to stand up for what you believe in, especially when you're pressured to forfeit your integrity. Knowing that the family gave up their life to stay true to their principals makes The Sound of Music so much better.

This article originally appeared five years ago.

From Your Site Articles
Pop Culture

Brit living in the US shares the 8 American sayings she loves to hear folks say

It started a wholesome chain reaction of cultural appreciation.

Photo credit: Canva

Two women having a conversation at a coffee shop.

One of the coolest things about living in a world with a variety of cultures is that it can help you have newfound appreciation for things in your everyday life that might otherwise be taken for granted. Your daily breakfast, for example, can transform into the most novel of cuisines when you see it through the eyes of someone who’s never even heard of it.

Similarly, certain everyday American sayings and idioms will seem like fun, exotic phrases to fresh ears. Recently, a British woman (@whisked.away.usa) who recently began living in Michigan shared a few of her personal favorites, and odds are many of these would have never been on your radar.

For starters, her "absolute favorite" is “good job.” Honestly, who among you would have ever thought that was anything USA-centric? Although when you take our hustle culture into consideration, perhaps it is pretty fitting.

Also included in her list: “you’re all set” (again, Americans are big on work lingo), “y’all” (of course), “I’ve got to get a hold of them,” (versus “I’ve gotta get in touch”), “liquor” (because of its “old worldliness”), “stove” (she says “cooker”), “huh” (when we find something interesting), and “have a good one” (cause "it's kinda nice”).

@whisked.away.usa It sounds weird to hear British people now lol 🇬🇧 🇺🇲 #britlivinginamerica #livinginamerica #livingintheusa🇺🇸 #british #englishgirlinamerica #american #americanaccent #movedabroad #britlivingusa #britishinamerica #americandream ♬ original sound - 🇬🇧 Whisked Away USA 🇺🇲


Honestly, how cute are these? And perhaps even better, @whisked.away.usa’s viral video inspired a whole slew of equally lovely appreciation for brit slang.

“I like when Brits say: gutted. I’ve started saying it.”

“I love when you all say ‘brilliant’ like when something’s really good. That’s brilliant!”

“I love when Brits says ‘I’m going on holiday’ instead of ‘I’m going on vacation,’”

“I like the Brit…’Hoover the floor.’”

“I love hearing Brits say ‘em’ instead of ‘um.’ I’m trying to start saying ‘em.’”

This top comment really seems to sum up what was so great about this exchange: “cross appreciation expands our world.”

There was also a fair amount of shared love for “huh,” and all it’s many various uses.

“I love ‘huh’ because it can also be the Midwest polite [version] of ‘that sounds super weird, but I won’t say it out loud.'"

“So many different ways to say ‘huh.’”

Since moving to the US, @whisked.away.usa has shared all kinds of fun cultural differences she’s noticed. For instance, did you know that British pancakes are made quite thin (think: crepes) and have a “squirt of lemon”?

@whisked.away.usa Happy Pancake Day 🥞 #🇬🇧vs🇺🇲 My American husband trying British pancakes for the first time! #britishinamerica #britlivingusa #englishgirlinamerica #livingintheusa🇺🇸 #britlivinginamerica #lifevlog #happilymarried #pancakeday #britishpancakes #pancakes #britishvsamerican #englishwifeamericanlife ♬ Nice and Easy - Louis Adrien

In the following video, @whisked.away.usa shares her amazement at the gaps in American public toilets, “drive-thru everything,” air conditioning in houses, certain OTC medications, and the abundance of American flags in certain places.

@whisked.away.usa I love different cultures, let's celebrate them!! 🩷 #iloveamerica #movedtoamerica #britinamerica #britishinamerica #britlivinginamerica #livingintheusa🇺🇸 #lifevlog #englishgirlinamerica #americanlife #americanculture ♬ original sound - 🇬🇧 Whisked Away USA 🇺🇲

No matter where you're from, it seems we can all agree that this type of content is the Internet at its best.

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Science

Forget what you know about bed bugs. Avoiding and getting rid of them is pretty simple.

And thankfully, there are no toxic chemicals involved.

Mark Rober/YouTube

Mark Rober subjected himself to bed bug bites in the name of science.

"Good night! Sleep tight! Don't let the bed bugs bite!" This sing-songy rhyme that has been around for centuries alludes to the fact that bed bugs were prevalent in the past. After a significant decrease post-WWII, however, the sneaky pests have been making a comeback. Since the 1990s, bed bug infestations have risen dramatically, leading people to look for ways to avoid and get rid of the blood-sucking little buggers.

Unfortunately, a lot of the information about how to do that is flat-out wrong. Popular YouTube science communicator Mark Rober invites viewers to forget what we think we know and go on an educational journey with the leading bed bug researchers at Rutgers University's urban entomology lab. Not only did Rober subject himself to bed bug bites on purpose to see what happens when they feed, but he also conducted a series of experiments in the lab to find out what is actually effective at killing them and what is not.

Bed Bugs Belarus GIFGiphy

Bed bugs have a reputation for being nearly impossible to get rid of, which isn't really the case, according to Rober. When you know what works, it's actually a fairly simple process to kill an infestation. And the good news is that it doesn't entail any toxic chemicals—in fact the pest control chemicals sold for bed bugs don't work at all, according to Rober's tests.

In the process of learning about bed bugs, Rober shared a few "super wild" facts about the infamous creatures.

Fact #1: Bed bugs can live 3 to 10 months without feeding.

Eek. No wonder it seems like it's impossible to get rid of them. Starving them doesn't work. They can live in the resting stage for 3 to 6 months, and if the environment is cold enough, they can survive around 300 days, or 10 months, without eating.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Fact #2: Bed bugs don't transmit disease

Some good news here: Unlike blood-sucking mosquitoes, bed bugs don't carry or transmit disease. The bad news on the front is that because they don't pose a disease threat, only an annoyance, there's not a big incentive to fund research to eradicate them.

Fact #3: Bed bugs are attracted to vertical objects

In one of Rober's experiments, he placed a dish with a cylindrical vertical post inside it an a dish without a column, and nearly all of the bed bugs in the enclosure ended up in the dish with the column. "If you think about it, humans sleep at the highest elevation any given room. So their logic is just crawl up any vertical surface you see until you eventually find a warm-blooded meal at the top."

Part of how they find humans is by smell, which is why certain strong-smelling items can act as a deterrent for bed bugs. In Rober's experiment, Bounce dryer sheets, moth balls, baking soda, and essential oils all seemed to repel bed bugs (as opposed to ultrasonic pest repellers, which appeared to have no effect). However, none of those things did anything to kill them.

bed bugs, bed bug infestation, how to spot bed bugsBed bugs are about the size of an apple seed.Photo credit: Canva

Fact #4: Before 1950, one in three homes had bed bugs

Yikes. Even with the resurgence, we're still nowhere near those numbers, thank goodness.

Fact #5: The way bed bugs mate is weird

The term used to describe it is called "traumatic insemination," and really, you should just let Mark Rober explain it with his visual metaphor. Start at minute 11:30.

bug GIFGiphy

Two things work well to kill bed bugs—diatomaceous earth and heat

In testing chemical sprays, foggers, and other items marketed for killing bed bugs, Rober found a "superstar" in a natural, non-toxic substance. Diatomaceous earth—pulverized fossilized remains of tiny aquatic organisms called diatoms—was the most effective at killing the buggers with a 90% mortality rate after 10 days as opposed to 12% with the Hot Shot bed bug spray. Diatomaceous earth is mostly silica, which absorbs moisture, and when the silica dust sticks to the bed bugs as the walk through it, it dehydrates them. A light dusting of diatomaceous earth around all the cracks and crevices of a room is one way to kill off an infestation, though that process can take days.

The other way to kill bed bugs is heat. Steam kills bed bugs, as does heating up a room to over 122 degrees Fahrenheit does the trick. Temps over 122 degrees kills bed bugs instantly, and as Rober points out, there's no way for them to build immunity to this kind of treatment. So steamers and clothes dryers set to high are the average person's best bet for killing off bed bugs if they have them. The "nuclear option" is to have a pro come in with big heaters and cook your home for a day.

checking for bed bugs, bed bug poop, bed bugs in mattressChecking mattresses for signs of bed bugs at a hotel can help you avoid bringing them home.Photo credit: Canva

How do you avoid getting bed bugs in the first place?

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and that's true for bed bugs especially. Avoiding an infestation if there's already one in your apartment building is trickier, but a lot of people inadvertently bring bed bugs home from hotel stays. Checking the underside of a hotel mattress as soon as you come in the room is a good habit to be in. Bed bugs poop a lot, and there will be spots along the edges of the mattress if bed bugs are present.

The other tip is to use the luggage rack to store your suitcase instead of leaving it on the floor or furniture and to hang clothes on the closet hangers instead of putting them into the hotel room's dresser drawers. Some people may even put their suitcase in the bathtub, at least until they've checked the bed for signs of poop.

Nobody wants to deal with bed bugs, but at least now we have clear evidence of what actually works to get rid of them and what doesn't. Cook them with heat/steam and dehydrate them with diatomaceous earth, and take some simple steps when traveling to lessen your chances of getting them in the first place.

Sleep tight, everyone!

From Your Site Articles
health
Mental Health

Men reveal what secrets they keep from their spouses, and the answers are surprising

A rare glimpse of what actually gets bottled up inside.

Photo by Donovan Grabowski on Unsplash

Two men chatting over a beer.

Men sometimes get labeled as more likely to keep secrets for selfish, manipulative purposes. But on the other end of the spectrum, men might keep certain things to themselves due to the pressure of gender norms: wanting to hide insecurities to appear strong for their families, hoping to shield their partners from hurt, not feeling safe to show emotion, and so on.

A Reddit user recently asked: “What, if anything, are you unable or unwilling to share fully openly and honestly about yourself with your spouse?” and the answers are a prime example of this.

These long kept secrets—some hilarious, others heartbreaking—are a rare, candid glimpse into exactly what many men feel compelled to keep bottled up inside.

Check them out:

“I keep the ceiling fan on at night because she farts in her sleep and it's so bad it wakes me up.” —JackassWhisperer

"When I go grocery shopping, i often buy a fresh rotisserie chicken thigh for myself, and wolf it down on a parkbench on my way home like a homeless caveman. I have no idea why, but it's my little me-time ritual." —Sternsson

"My self-doubt is something I conceal. I strive to be her rock and revealing my vulnerabilities seems counterproductive." -AdhesivenessGlass978

"When she asks to go out with her girlfriends or away on an overnight with some friends, she thinks I’m upset I’m not included. In reality, I’m praising the lord for a day or two alone." —Bobo_Baggins03x

man, relaxing, spouse, alone, alone timeAlone time.Giphy

"While I love my spouse deeply, I struggle to fully share my childhood traumas. The memories are painful and sometimes I feel like shielding her from that darkness." —Slight_Policy3133

"My child (18 months) is legitimately well behaved, compliant, and enjoyable to be around when she’s not in the home and it’s just he and I. When she’s around he’s combative, whiney, rude, and a little terror." —D00deitstyler

"Deep down, I really just want to be lazy. I don’t want to go to work, or cook that much, or change the bedding every week, or find part time income streams… Like, in my heart, I just want to lounge about, get a bit drunk and read books or watch youtube videos. I do as much as possible so that she’s comfortable and happy but don’t want to admit that I don’t really WANT to do anything useful." —LeutzschAKS

"The sheer amount of stress I'm under. I do share, but I can't articulate how bad it is." —Herald_of_dooom

“Sometimes the things she says to me in arguments break my heart.” —justVinnyZee

argument, couple fighting, spouse, heartbreak, secretHarsh words create distance. Image via Canva

"I served in Iraq and lost my leg. As a result I have severe PTSD…A couple of years after I got out I met my wife. She is an Iraqi Lady and has helped me through the best and worst times. She's given me beautiful children and a reason to carry on. However…her parents moved from Iraq before she was born. Every time I go to her parents house or there is a wedding on her side of the family I attend whilst suffering in silence. Sweaty palms, heart palpitations, shredding feeling where my leg was etc. It drove me to be extremely disrespectful by secretly carrying a hip flask with spirits and cocaine in as it just took the edge off and made it all manageable. Her parents are extremely religious and alcohol and drugs of any kind are heavily frowned upon and banned from the house. The worst is going to her parents house as so much of the decorations reminds me of the house I got dragged into after stepping on an IED. I keep this hidden because what can I do? Make her choose between family and me? Absolutely not. Prevent my kids from having grandparents and extended family? Absolutely not. My mental health and my foolish decisions at 16 are not going to be any form of potential wedge." —Greenlid_42

"That I sometimes buy $20 scratchers when I do the shopping and occasionally throw $60 at large Powerball/MegaMillions jackpots even tho I publicly say 'lotteries are a tax on people who are bad at math.' I do this because I like to dream of a day we don’t have to work and we can follow our passions." —wembley

"The fact that she wont let me put any of my hobby stuff (mostly miniatures and random knickknacks) in our shared spaces without it being in an approved location, meanwhile the entire house is her canvas for her aesthetic. Makes me feel really lonely and small sometimes and like she doesn't care. It's been a topic of conversation, she just doesn't get that delegating me a tiny shelf in her curio isn't the same as letting me actually decorate some." —Kimblethedwarf

“That she is bad at taking criticism, even about the most minor of things. And even saying so is itself a form of criticism she cannot handle. And this has very much hindered our ability to talk to each other.” —Aechzen

"I keep my regrets from her. I worry she’ll think less of me if she knew all my past mistakes." —Suspicious-Factor362

“Literally anything that isn't within the realm of her personal interests. Otherwise, she makes it clear that she's not really interested in what interests me. Sometimes I do, because I can't keep everything to myself forever, but it just feels like I'm a child bothering their parents talking about how cool their toys are.” —ChefBillyGoat

man, lonely, alone, communication, spouse, secretsFeeling lonely in a shared home. Image via Canva.

“I’m scared of not being able to provide a half decent life for her and my kids. Life’s getting so expensive and challenging.” —Arent_they_all

"Sometimes, the food she cooks isn't great. I will never tell her this because she goes out of her way to cook, and I'm not ungrateful. I can live with bad food that night over her getting upset." —CaptainAwesome0912

"That if I speak to her the same way she speaks to me she would probably spend her whole day in tears. It’s definitely a case of “familiarity breeds contempt” as she does not speak to any of her friends like this (who come over to help with furniture moving, for example), and occasionally it comes out with her family, but the unfettered torrent of complaints and abuse is reserved only for me, regardless of what I do. It’s like she looks for imperfections and mistakes just to point them out." —MusicusTitanicus

“How sad I am that my life isn't a grand adventure but a series of choices i made in order to be able to form and provide for a family…I know there's adventure and excitement to be had still, but I wanted to continue my family line. And dearly love my family. Anything available in that vein will come at cost to my wife and children. So I'm stuck playing rise through the ranks, build the better mouse trap and look good to the suites for another raise or step up the ladder. It's going well, but as it goes well it feels more hollow. I could become head honcho, or start my own enterprise and find massive success, it'd still all been to just provide. Collecting wealth is such a boring pursuit, I hate our society.” —BodyRevolutionary167

wealth, work, corporate, working, gaining wealth, statusBored Season 5 GIF by The OfficeGiphy

"I let the kids play Roblox beyond their allowed time." —chelhydra

"She's always in the way. If she's in the kitchen when I'm cooking, she's always standing in front of the next place I need to be. If I'm working outside, she's always in the next place I'm going to go. If I'm fixing something, she's always standing right in front of whatever I'm going to be working on next. If I'm trying to leave a room, she's always in the doorway. I realize she wants to spend time with me, but I really wish she'd just get out of the way when I'm doing something." —Lonecoon

"That when I’m not with her, I put ketchup on my hot dogs." —bipolarcyclops

The secrets shared here range from benign to heavy, silly to heartbreaking. Though it may be hard, studies do show that open, honest communication is vital to building a healthy relationship or marriage. In her 2021 TEDxTalk, award-winning communication strategist Sandy Gerber broke down how open, honest communication can lead to successful romantic relationships without secrets. Watch:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com


This article originally appeared last year.

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secrets
Parenting

Mom's adorable 1993 baby picture is a modern pediatrician's worst nightmare

Our parents were really doing their best with the information they had.

Canva Photos

Blanket, pillows, and toys in cribs used to be totally normal back in 1993.

I love learning about common parenting techniques from generations past. We've probably all heard some of the classics, like giving baby a tiny bit of alcohol to get him to sleep, or rubbing whiskey on sore gums to soothe a teething infant. (Upon reflection, it seems that a lot of parenting hacks back in the day boiled down to giving children liquor). These weren't hush-hush under the table tactics. Doctors frequently recommended these things to new parents. Now, of course, we're horrified at the thought and we know the significant risks of alcohol exposure both in the womb and out of it.

Crib set ups are similar. Decades ago, parents were hyper-worried about baby's limbs getting caught in the crib bars, so the solution was to line cribs with thick, soft bumpers. Inside the cribs, pillows and blankets kept baby comfortable and from rolling around too much. It made sense! At the time at least. But, wow, have times changed.

One mom is going viral for posting a fascinating side by side. Her as a baby in 1993, sleeping peacefully in a crib, versus her daughter in 2025.


babies, parenting, motherhood, fatherhood, pediatricians, newborn safety, SIDSThis was basically parenting in the 1960sGiphy

The comparison is definitely illuminating.

In 1993, there's millennial mom Alanna Clark, sleeping comfortably on her back in her pajamas. She's surrounded by a cocoon of comfort. The key thing to note is the fluffy crib bumpers to keep her from reaching through the bars. Bumpers were meant to add decoration and comfort to a baby's crib while also keeping them from getting injured by the bars. This was especially true back when drop-cribs, or cribs where one wall could drop down, were popular. The American Academy of Pediatrics officially began recommending parents never use crib bumpers in 2011 due to their being a suffocation risk highly associated with SIDS.

The photo of Clark's daughter from 2025 is striking. Her crib is completely empty! She's sleeping on her back with a fitted sheet on the mattress and a snugly-fitted sleepsack containing her legs. That's it. There are no bumpers, toys, pillows, or blankets according to the latest pediatrician guidelines.

As a bonus, Clark shared a picture of herself riding in a (rather flimsy looking) front-facing car seat while her daughter in 2025 rides in a rear-facing "tank," as she calls it, which fits current standards.

Clark's caption captured a beautiful sentiment about the "outdated" standards. Instead of judging her parents for dangerous choices, she understands that they were doing their absolute best with the information they had at the time:

"When I explained modern sleep practices to my dad, he explained to me that the bumpers were to keep me safe from breaking an arm or a leg. I’m glad that when my family talks about the 'new' way of doing things we focus on how much more information we have to keep babies safe. Anyways, enjoy these little snippets of me as a baby with my parents doing what they were told was best. I wonder what practices will be outdated when I’m a grandma one day"

See the fascinating photos here.


tiktok, babies, 1993, 2025 , parentingTikTok · Alanna | First Time Mom 🇨🇦www.tiktok.com

Clark's post went viral and commenters were so appreciative of how infant safety standards have improved. They were also grateful to previous generations for trying their best:

"yep, and hopefully our kids have even better info and technology when they raise their children."

"Doing their best back then, so we can keep doing better today!!"

"I love your take on this rather than bashing practices of the time which genuinely were what they thought was best"

"It's reassuring knowing that our kids will look at their baby pictures in the future like 'We're you trying to kill me?' and proceed to do differently, as will be best practice then"

"I was trying to explain to someone the other day that our kids are going to say they can’t believe our recommendations were legal it will have changed so much"

Others shared some of their favorite parenting methods from their own parents and grandparents. One commenter wrote that her grandma would put her babies in dresser drawers to keep them safe. Another said her grandpa "didn't believe" in car seats! Somehow, they both lived to tell the tale.

Are there things we're doing with our babies now that will one day be viewed as Hard Nos?


babies, parents, moms, dads, infants, newborns, safety, infant safety, parentingThis baby has nothing in his pack 'n play at all. Well done parents! Photo by Alex Bodini on Unsplash

Again, you have to remember that doctors, pediatricians, and fellow parents were all telling the older generations that this stuff was not just OK, but highly recommended. They really believed those death-trap crib bumpers were safe! You can't help but wonder what kinds of things parents today take for granted as safe, that our kids will look back on one day as reckless and dangerous when it's studied further.

"I'm 100% convinced that 'cry it out' will be the thing that future generations are appalled by," one commenter opined, referring to a controversial method of sleep training infants.

Another user joked that in a few decades, babies will sleep levitating in mid-air via magnets to avoid contact with potential hazards.

Me, I think it's likely that the next generation of parents will be appalled that they were ever allowed to watch cartoons or use a screen, as more research into screentime begins to take shape. I also wouldn't be surprised if pediatricians decide we can't be trusted to make our own baby food at home anymore. But these are just guesses. We won't really know until the science rolls in.

Overall, there's a powerful message here for parents and even those grandparents who might insist on being defensive about the older ways:

"What some grandparents don’t understand is that following modern standards is NOT a condemnation of their parenting," one commenter wrote. "They did what was best according to contemporary standards too." That's all any of us can do.

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