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What is 'eggshell parenting'? Psychologist breaks down the complicated parenting style

'Eggshell parenting' is a new buzzword that warrants serious consideration.

What is 'eggshell parenting'? Psychologist breaks down the complicated parenting style
Photo by Derek Thomson on Unsplash
woman holding toddler waling near brown grass during daytime

Having to “walk on eggshells” is an uncomfortable situation for anyone. But when children are forced to do it around the very people meant to keep them safe, it’s downright painful. And the damage caused can be long-lasting.

In a viral TikTok post, psychologist Dr. Kim Sage breaks down this unhealthy parenting style and what exactly constitutes an “eggshell parent.”

With eggshell parents, Dr. Sage explains, the parent’s mood is always “unstable” and “like being on a rollercoaster.”

An emotional outburst could include name calling, verbal berating, gaslighting, accusations, threats, intimidation, shame, mocking, invalidation, yelling, even destroying possessions…while other times the mom or dad might be very supportive and loving.

Never knowing what to expect, kids of eggshell parents then have to become “hypervigilant” to prepare for whatever comes next.

@drkimsage Eggshell parenting and emotionally unpredictable, unsafe parenting often creates a lifetime of hypervigilance in us —and a deep belief that there’s no such thing as real safety in relationships.💔#eggshellparent #toxicparent #walkingoneggshells #emotionallyimmatureparents #narcissisticparent #drkimsage ♬ original sound - Dr. Kim🦋Psychologist

Oftentimes, Dr. Sage notes, this kind of dynamic leads to parentification and/or enmeshment, leaving the child not only without emotional boundaries of their own but also in a position of regulating the parent’s emotions and possibly even taking care of the household while doing so.

The biggest problem with eggshell parenting is that it eviscerates trust.

“No matter how much ‘good love’ you give as a parent…if tomorrow that love is unsafe, if it’s hurtful, if it’s conditional…the good love doesn’t really mean the same thing,” Dr. Sage says in a follow-up video.

How does this dynamic carry over into a kid’s adulthood? It shows up as social anxiety, an inherent lack of trust in others and a tendency to isolate.

In other words: “What you start to believe is that if your own mother or father or caregiver is not generally consistently safe, then no one is safe.”

@drkimsage Eggshell mothers, eggshell fathers, eggshell parents…#eggshellmother #eggshellparent #enmeshment #parentification#drkimsage #toxicparent ♬ original sound - Dr. Kim🦋Psychologist

Dr. Sage’s videos struck a chord with millions of viewers who considered themselves raised by eggshell parents.

One person recalled, “This is my family. Constantly dancing around my father’s moods and my mother’s coping mechanisms. Neither able to connect with me on any meaningful level.”

Another added, “It was like a battlefield. You had to worry about sniper fire and bombs going off. Truly feared for my life.”

Still another wrote, “Anxiety. Scanning. Waiting. It’s exhausting. I spend weekends by myself by choice. It takes days to feel like me after socializing.”

Considering that so many people feel the aftermath of certain toxic parenting styles like eggshell parenting, it’s no wonder why parents today are so interested in gentler and healthier approaches.

In order to avoid repeating the eggshell pattern, Dr. Sage recommends that parents take active steps to regulate their own emotions, rather than displaying volatility towards their children. And if there is a sudden emotional shift, take responsibility for the action instead of leaving kids to internalize it all.

So much of parenting seems to be figuring out how to avoid the shortcomings of our own parents. Luckily, social media and helpful professionals like Dr. Sage make that task just a little bit easier.

Catch even more of her videos here.


This article originally appeared on 8.23.23

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Teachers

Florida teacher fired for giving zeros to students who didn't turn in assignments

The lowest grade that teachers are allowed to give students is a 50.

Diane Tirado/Facebook

Left: Teacher Diane Tirado. Right: The note she left for students after being fired.

If you're of the mind that kids today are being coddled and not properly prepared for the real world, well, you might want to buckle up for this one. The story out of a public school in Florida has parents and teachers alike up in arms.

A Florida teacher was fired for giving her students zeros for missing assignments. Diane Tirado has been a teacher for years. Most recently, she was an eighth-grade history teacher at Westgate K-8 School in Port St. Lucie, Florida. Diane recently gave her students two weeks to complete an Explorer notebook project, but several students simply didn't hand it in. Since there was zero work done, Diane gave them zeros.

She got fired for it.

schools, teachers, education, grades, students, parentsMichael Scott from The Office saying "What?"Giphy

The elementary school has a rule called the “no zero policy."

The lowest possible grade that teachers can give students is a 50, even if they don't turn anything in. That means that an extremely poor completed assignment is worth the same number of points as no assignment at all.

Hardly seems fair, right? Westgate is far from the only school that has such a policy, however.

whiteboard, education, classroom, teacher, middle school, 8th grade A message written on the whiteboard for her students after Diane Tirado was firedDiane Tirado/Facebook

It's a rule that Diane, unsurprisingly, does not agree with. After she was fired for disobeying, she left her students a charming goodbye message on the whiteboard.

"Bye kids. Mrs. Tirado loves you and wishes you the best in life. I have been fired for refusing to give you a 50 percent for not handing anything in. Love, Mrs. Tirado"

The scale, as outlined by the school, reads as follows:

A = 90 to 100
B = 80 to 89
C = 70-79
D = 60-69
F = 50-59

Diane later shared the story on Facebook, hoping to spread awareness about the school's policy.

“A grade in Mrs. Tirado's class is earned," she said.

“I'm so upset because we have a nation of kids that are expecting to get paid and live their life just for showing up and it's not real."

Diane's post has gone viral, and most commenters agree with her position – it's not fair to hand out grades for work that doesn't exist.

No zero policies are common in many schools, and teachers notoriouslyhate them. But it's at least worth considering why they exist. Some educators say it's because when a student earns a zero, it's very difficult for them to ever recover their grade in that class. In other words, it may be too harsh. Others argue that, if you don't want a zero, don't turn in nothing! Getting an earned-zero is a great way to learn to at least try.

A follow up statement from the school stated: "Ms. Tirado was released from her duties as an instructor because her performance was deemed sub-standard and her interactions with students, staff, and parents lacked professionalism and created a toxic culture on the school’s campus. ... During her brief time of employment at West Gate, the school fielded numerous student and parent complaints as well as concerns from colleagues. Based on new information shared with school administrators, an investigation of possible physical abuse is underway."

However, school representatives did not deny the existence of the no zero policy, and Tirado claims the school engaged in a smear campaign after she became a "whistleblower" on their policies. She's currently considering legal action against the district.

Still, the debate over the grading policy rages on.

“The reason I took on this fight was because it was ridiculous. Teaching should not be this hard," Diane said.

This article originally appeared 6 years ago.

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teachers
Music

Man transforms 'Phantom' and 'Les Mis' hits into acoustic folk songs, much to everyone's joy

It's weird how well this works.

Courtesy of C.Scott/Instagram

A musical mashup that no one expects but people can't get enough of.

We've seen a lot of musical mashups and genre-bending performances over the years, and just when it seems we may have seen it all, someone comes up with something fresh and surprising. We saw it with Irish brothers step dancing to Beyonce's country hit. We saw it with an Indian-Scottish wedding march. We've seen it with a South African musician's beats combined with cat's meows, yowls, and growls.

And now we're seeing it with musical theater and acoustic folk music. Musician C. Scott asked what would happen if Phantom of the Opera were sung by a folk singer, and then proceeded to show us in the most down home, sitting-on-the-porch-at-sunset way. And, in the most delightfully weird way, it works.

Check out his version of "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" from Phantom of the Opera:

People were blown away by how much they loved it, with some even preferring it to the original.

"SIR. SIR. I was NOT expecting to be absolutely gobsmacked on a Thursday evening. This is incredible. ❤️"

" Inject it into my veins. I wanna buy this."

"I need all my Broadway shows like this! ❤️"

"Whyyyy does this work???? Loll"

"I like this better actually?"

One person called it "Phantom of the Grand Ole Opry," and another called it "Portland of the Opera," both of which truly sum it up.

After C. Scott shared another Phantom song ("All I Ask of You"), actors who had actually performed in the musical weighed in with their thoughts.

"Oooo as one of the men who has gotten to play this role, I LOVE THIS and would absolutely love to see this version!!!"

"As a former Phantom on the national tour, I approve of this message."

"I played Christine in Phantom for a decade and this is greatest thing I’ve ever heard! Wow! Thank you for this glorious reinvention!"

"As a cast member of the Broadway production, I gotta say… THIS IS 🔥🔥🔥🔥"

Clearly, C. Scott hit a nerve with the musical theater kids and the folk music lovers, but he didn't stop there. He moved on from Phantom and sang "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables, fully solidifying the unique genre.

It's not just that he put an Appalachian spin on Broadway; it's that his guitar playing and singing are genuinely enjoyable to listen to. Hearing these songs sung in a different way also highlight the lyrics in a whole new light, prompting us to think about them more deeply, or at least hear them from a different angle

Along with requests for certain songs—"Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" has been a repeated refrain—people have started pushing C. Scott for an album of musical-theaters-standards-turned-folk songs.

"Honestly. You could do a folk rendition of broadway classics and moderns. I’d buy that album. For sure."

"The genre I did not know I needed! Not to seem greedy but can we please have a whole album?"

"Better see an album come out for this."

"My wife would buy every one of your albums."

Ask and ye shall receive. C. Scott shared a message with his followers announcing his plans.

"From the bottom of my heart, thank you so, so much for all the support I've been getting for these covers that I've been doing, these Broadway covers," he said. "It's really kind of surprised me how interested y'all are in them, and it's really, really exciting. You seem to enjoy listening to them as much as I enjoy making them, so thank you so much for that."

He shared that he'd been talking to his recording studio buddy to help him put together an EP. He said they have some musicians who will be coming on to make a three or four-song EP. (If you love this and want to help with the costs of production, you can find his Venmo here.) So, be on the lookout for that.

You can follow C. Scott on Instagram and TikTok, listen to his music on Spotify, and check out his official website here.

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Pets

Four guys asked their new neighbor if they could walk her dog. Then the dog wrote back.

"If you ever get bored, we are more than happy to look after him/her."

via Stevieticks / Instagram

A black dog and a note form "the boys from number 23."

If you've lived your whole life with a dog, a home has to feel pretty empty without one. Your heart has to feel like there's something missing as well. When Jack McCrossan, originally from Scotland, moved to Bristol, England with his three friends, they were bummed out to learn that their landlord didn't allow dogs.

So when they saw a beautiful black Sheprador (a German Sheppard Lab mix) in their neighbor's window, they knew that had to become buddies with her. They wrote the dog's owner, Sarah Tolman, a letter asking to arrange a play date with the dog. "If you ever need someone to walk him/her, we will gladly do so," they wrote.

"If you ever get bored (we know you never will, but we can dream), we are more than happy to look after him/her. If you want to come over and bring him/her to brighten our day, you are more than welcome. If you want to walk past our balcony windows so we can see him/her, please do," the letter continued.


"We hope this doesn't come too strong, but our landlord won't allow pets, and we've all grown up with animals. The adult life is a struggle without one," they wrote. "Yours sincerely, The boys from number 23," the letter concluded.

Soon after, the boys in 23 received a response from the dog herself, Stevie Ticks, accepting the offer. However, it may have been written by her human, Sarah Tolman. In the letter, Stevie shares a bit about herself, saying she's two years and four months old, was adopted in Cyprus, and that she's "very friendly and full of beans." (The boys shouldn't worry about a gassy hound, in England, "full of beans" means lively.)


"I love meeting new people and it would be great if we can be friends. I must warn you that the price of my friendship is 5 x ball throws a day and belly scratches whenever I demand them," the letter continued. A few days later, the boys got to meet Stevie. "Meeting Stevie was great!" McCrossan told Buzzfeed. "She was definitely as energetic as described. We got to take her for a walk and she wouldn't stop running!"

black labrador, dogs, dog-walkers, kind nieghbors, stevieticks, bristol, ukA black labrador (representative image).via Canva/Photos

Tolman thought the boys' letter was a fantastic gesture in an era where, quote often, neighbors are strangers. "In a day and age where people don't really know or speak to their neighbors, it was really nice for them to break down that barrier," she said. After the story went viral, she saw it as an opportunity for people to share their love of dogs with the world. "My mother and I are amazed at all the love we've received from around the world these past few days," Tolman wrote as Stevie. "If you have a doggo in your life, share that love with those around you."

A lot has changed in the past 6 years since this story warmed hearts around the globe. The boys have since moved away, but as of September 2024, Stevie is around 8 years old and still doing well. Her keeper and Sarah's partner, Chris Bowley, shared an update on Instagram. "[The boys] sadly moved out of Bristol. However, we have always tried to keep the ethos going of Stevie having as many friends and meetups as possible," Bowley wrote.


This article originally appeared six years ago.

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Family

Mom swaps out her baby's modern cartoons for 90s classics and the results were fascinating

The biggest surprise? His sleep improved.

Photo credit: Canva

It's not just nostalgia. Our childhood cartoons were better.

Nobody needs convincing that the cartoons of yesteryear just hit different. They are miles away from the noisy, uber colorful, fast-paced (read: overstimulating) shows that a kid might watch today. And, it turns out, that they might just be superior for getting kids to actually relax.

This was a discovery made by one mom (Lauren, aka @mamasandmesses) when she introduced her toddler to old school shows like Bear and the Big Blue House, Arthur, Dragon Tales, and more. Her grand experiment led to some pretty fascinating results.

For one thing, she noted while her child enjoyed watching these programs, there was no adverse reaction when she turned them off. “He didn’t fight me or get upset, he just went back to playing!”

But perhaps even more importantly, she noticed that his sleep improved. That’s right, parents with tough-to-put-to-bed kiddos, listen up.

Lauren attributed this to the fact that, generally speaking, 90s shows had much lower stimulation, but also more heavily focused helpful lessons and creative exploration. Sure, there are still shows that do that, like Bluey, but nowadays having a slower pace, softer color palette, and more subdued soundtrack is certainly no longer the standard.

In fact, experts have long warned against the drug-like “dopamine rush” of contemporary cartoons, which might offer endless amounts of quick entertainment, but don’t allow for kids to actually process what they’re watching, and continuously leave them wanting more. Almost like the creators of these shows are more interested in getting views and earning money than by actually serving a need? Nah, that’s crazy.

@itsdeaann She got EMBARRASSED, Watch until the end to see💀
♬ original sound - Dean Withers

Adding to the problem is that, now, anything with a screen can suddenly turn into a TV. This heightened accessibility means that a once seemingly innocent, totally mundane pastime can turn into a problem. But luckily, parents can control what their children are seeing their TVs, tablets, phones, and whatever else. Since many 90s classics are available to stream, these less-stimulating yet more-engaging shows are always on hand, and Lauren was kind enough to share a master list:

📺 Bear in the Big Blue House – Disney+

📺 Out of the Box – Disney+

📺 Little Bear – Paramount+

📺 Franklin – Prime or YouTube

📺 Arthur – PBS Kids or Hulu

📺 Rolie Polie Olie – Prime

📺 Clifford – Prime

📺 Magic School Bus – Netflix

📺 Berenstain Bears – Prime

📺 Dragon Tales – Prime

📺 Wishbone – YouTube

📺 Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood – PBS Kids, Hulu, or Prime

As a bonus: something kinda from our childhood (the book, anyway) but a newer show

📺 If You Give A Mouse a Cookie – Prime

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Besides the fact that these shows might overall be better for our kids, there’s also something special about rewatching these beloved shows from our childhood, and seeing the positive effects that they continue to bestow. It’s one of those times where we can say, “They didn’t make them like they used to!” and it truly carries some weight. So, you know, bragging rights.

High-octane kid’s shows probably aren’t going anywhere, but it’s nice to know that we have options when it’s time to really wind down and soothe little nervous systems.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, there are a few seasons of Arthur calling my name…

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Love Stories

Wife eats last meal her husband made before his death in emotional video

"I'll forever miss his cooking 😭"

sabfortony/TikTok

Sabrina (@sabfortony) eats the last meal her husband Tony cooked for her before he passed away.

Losing someone you love never gets easier, and the grief process comes in waves. One way TikToker Sabrina (@sabfortony) got to honor her husband Tony's memory was by eating the last meal he cooked for her the day he died.

Sabrina shared the emotional video with her followers on TikTok. "I’ll forever miss Tony’s cooking," she captioned the video, adding, "Let's eat my late husband's last meal together."

@sabfortony

i’ll forever miss tony’s cooking #lastmeal #moving #griefjourney #healingjourney #lifeafterloss #partnerloss

It begins with Sabrina holding a small quart-sized plastic container up to the camera, and she begins to describe its significance. "I have something very special here. The day that Tony passed away, I really wanted curry–and I wanted Japanese curry, so I asked Tony to make me some and he did," she says. "I ended up freezing it because I wanted to preserve it forever. But because I'm moving out of state, I need to eat this. I know some of you might think that is crazy cuz it's been over two years. Tony was the primary cook of our family, and so anytime I was craving something he would make it for me. That was one of the many ways that he showed love for me."

She then heats up the bowl of curry so that it is "scalding hot," noting that it has "turned to mush" before she tastes it. "Thank you Tony for my last meal in this home," she says. "And my apologies that I am raw-dogging this–I don't have any rice."

TikTok · Sabrina 🫶🏼

tiktok couple, love story, widow, last meal, emotional TikTok · Sabrina 🫶🏼www.tiktok.com

160.8K likes, 1635 comments. “I never want to forget what we had, ❤️ so I choose to tell our story. My heart breaks for the ones who’ve faced a similar tragedy.”

As she tastes it, she is delighted. "Mmm! Still good," she says. "This has carrots, onions, potatoes, beef, and he put mushrooms in it. Beef is still very tender!" As she gets to the last bite, she says, "Thank you, Tony!"

Sabrina's emotional video got an overwhelming response in the comments.

"🥺🥺🥺 last meal in the home you shared together 🥺," one wrote, and Sabrina replied, "😭 he knew i needed it 💗."

Another wrote, "Just thinking how his hands cut the ingredients and his heart cooked it with love made me sob. What a beautiful moment." Sabrina responded, "so much love 😭😭 it’s so special."

Another viewer commented, "He’s sending you off to the next chapter with love 🥹❤️," and Sabrina replied, "so true 😭 i’m so thankful for that."

Other viewers shared their personal stories of how food connected them with lost loved ones. "I kept my mom’s kimchi for as long as I could. I ate it the night I got my heartbroken and felt so comforted. Food is such a strong connection to those we know we can’t hold anymore," one shared. Sabrina replied, "food really is such a beautiful way to connect with people 😭 i’m glad your moms kimchi was a source of comfort 💗 she is with you always."

Another viewer shared, "When my grandmother knew she was sick, before she told anybody, she baked, cooked, froze, and canned until the pantry and freezer were full. After she died my grandfather ate her meals for a year." Sabrina responded, "what a beautiful soul 💗 caring for the people she loves."

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