upworthy
Health

We asked people what they really enjoy that others can't understand. One answer dominated.

Interestingly, research shows that these people are particularly unlikely to be neurotic.

woman sitting by herself
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Some people really enjoy being alone.

We recently asked our Upworthy audience on Facebook, "What's something that you really enjoy that other people can't seem to understand?" and over 1,700 people weighed in. Some people shared things like housework, cleaning and laundry, which a lot of people see as chores. Others shared different puzzles or forms of art they like doing, and still others shared things like long car rides or grocery shopping.

But one answer dominated the list of responses. It came in various wordings, but by far the most common answer to the question was "silent solitude." Here are a few examples:

"Feeling perfectly content, when I’m all alone."

"Being home. Alone. In silence."

"That I enjoy being alone and my soul is at peace in the silence. I don't need to be around others to feel content, and it takes me days to recharge from being overstimulated after having an eventful day surrounded by others."

"Enjoying your own company. Being alone isn’t isolating oneself. It’s intentional peace and healthy… especially for deep feelers/thinkers."

Spending time by ourselves is something some of us relish, while some of us hate being alone. Naturally, this points to the common theory of introversion vs. extraversion, but in some ways, that's overly simplistic. Even the most peopley people among us can enjoy some quality alone time, and not all introverts see time alone as truly enjoyable. (It might be necessary for an introvert's well-being, but not necessarily something they truly revel in.)

Interesting, studies have found that people who enjoy being alone are not any more or less extraverted than those who don't, though they do tend to be less "sociable." They are also less likely to be neurotic (tense, moody, worrying types) than the generally population and more likely to be open-minded. Those characteristics are the opposite of what social norms often tell us about people who want to be alone.

"If our stereotypes about people who like being alone were true, then we should find that they are neurotic and closed-minded. In fact, just the opposite is true," writes Bella DePaulo, PhD.

There may be lots of reasons some people like to spend time by themselves while others don't. We are naturally social creatures and need social interaction, but some of us find ourselves overstimulated by being around other people all the time. On the flip side, some people find being alone not just unenjoyable, but extremely uncomfortable, which can be a problem.

"Ideally, we should be comfortable with ourselves, alone or with others," writes psychologist Tara Well Ph.D.. "If you are uncomfortable being alone, it means you are uncomfortable being with yourself without distraction, engagement, or affirmation from others. This can be a liability in life. If you cannot be alone, you may stay in situations or make life choices that aren’t good for you in the long run, like staying in a job or a relationship, mainly because you can’t tolerate being alone while transitioning to a better situation."

Dr. Well also points out that people can make the most of their alone time, even if it's not something they naturally enjoy. One way is to make it purposeful, setting aside a little time daily to write in a journal, meditate, go for a walk or otherwise engage your mind and body in some form of reflection. Another is to pay attention to self-judgments that might make alone time uncomfortable and challenge them with some compassionate confrontation and counteraction with positive thoughts about yourself.

Alone time can be refreshing and rewarding, especially if it's something you naturally crave. Some people even like to take themselves out on dates or enjoy traveling by themselves. That kind of self-care can be just as important as connecting with others for our overall health and well-being. Being alone doesn't mean being a loner and it doesn't mean being lonely. Some of us genuinely like having quality time with ourselves, whether it makes sense to other people or not.


This article originally appeared on 1.1.24

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Modern Families

Fed up parents explain why they 'never want to bring the kids over' to visit

Can't you guys come to us for once?

Photo by Johnny Cohen on Unsplash

It's a good news/bad news situation for parents of young kids. The good news? Everyone wants to spend time with the kids! Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends. They all want a relationship and lots of special moments with the little ones.

The bad news? One phrase: "When are you bringing them over?" Parents have been frustrated by the expectations of orchestrating stressful visits for generations — loading the kids in a car or on an airplane only to spend hours chasing them around in an un-baby-proofed environment and watching routines go to hell.

Now they're sounding off on social media and airing their grievances.

Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents

A mom recently took to Reddit to vent about everyone in her life wanting her to "bring the kids to them."

"My parents live 30 mins away and always bug me about not coming to visit them," she writes. They constantly ask, "Why don't you bring our granddaughter to come see us?"

The fascinating discussion highlights a few things that make arranging visits with young kids a potential nightmare for parents.

Grandparents' houses are rarely childproofed

Grandparents love their breakable decor! Ceramic doo-dads, glass vases everywhere. They can't get enough. And while they should be able to decorate their house however they see fit (they've earned the right!) that doesn't make it a good environment for toddlers and babies.

Ceramic bowlsThe breakable decor found in every grandparents' houseozalee.fr/Flickr

"Last week was the last straw, I took my daughter to my parents and of course she went EVERYWHERE! flooded their toilet, broke a vase, and tried multiple times to climb their furniture," the Reddit mom writes.

Parents in a foreign environment are on constant safety duty and can rarely sit down

Let's be honest. Sometimes these "visits" are hardly worth the effort. After all, it's hard to get much catch up time when you're dutifully chasing your kid around.

"They don’t understand that my 3 yo ... is absolutely wild," writes another user in the thread. "She has no self preservation and nothing we do works. She doesn’t listen, she throws, she bites, she refuses to use the potty. It’s exhausting and then ... they expect us to entertain them, when I’m trying to just keep my kid from jumping off the stairs and into an ER visit."

Even just putting the kids in the car for a 20-minute drive is more work than it seems

Taking the kids out of the house requires packing a bag, bringing extra clothes, loading up on snacks, etc.

It seems easy to "pop over" but it actually absorbs the majority of the day between prep, visit, and aftermath.

Naps and routines go to hell

Parents with babies and toddlers know all too well — there is a price to pay for taking the kids out of the house for too long.

Chances are, the baby won't nap in a strange environment and then you're stuck with a cranky kid the rest of the night.

Kids with special needs require even more consistency

Kids with autism or ADHD can really struggle outside of their zone of safety. They might become severely dysregulated, have meltdowns, or engage in dangerous behaviors.

Explaining and mediating the generational divide

man in gray sweater sitting beside woman in black and white floral long sleeve shirt Photo by Tim Kilby on Unsplash

Why is this a conflict almost all parents can relate to?

Is this a Boomer vs Millennials thing?

Some experts think that generational values and traditions might play a role.

"Many Boomers were accustomed to more traditional, hierarchical family dynamics, where visiting grandparents was a way for the younger generation to show respect," says Caitlin Slavens, a family psychologist.

But that's not to say this is a new problem. I can remember my own parents driving me and my brothers over an hour to visit my grandparents seemingly every other weekend, but very few occasions where they came to visit us. It must have driven my parents nuts back then!

Plus, it's easy to forget that it's hard for older people to travel, too. They may have their own issues and discomforts when it comes to being away from their home.

"But for today’s parents, balancing careers, kids’ routines, and the demands of modern parenting is a much bigger undertaking. Grandparents might not always see how childproofing their space or making the trip themselves could make a huge difference, especially considering how travel and disruption can impact younger kids' moods and routines," Slavens says.

"So yes, this divide often comes down to different expectations and life experiences, with older generations potentially not seeing the daily demands modern families face."

Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?

"First, open conversations help bridge the divide—explain how much of a difference it makes when the kids stay in a familiar space, especially when they’re very young," suggests Slavens.

"Share practical details about the challenges, like childproofing concerns or travel expenses, to help grandparents see it from a parent’s perspective. You might even work together to figure out solutions, like making adjustments to create a more child-friendly space in their home or agreeing on a shared travel plan."

Ultimately, it's a good thing when grandparents, friends, and other relatives want to see the kids.

We all have the same goal.

"It’s helpful to approach the topic with empathy, focusing on everyone’s goal: more quality time together that’s enjoyable and low-stress for everyone involved. For parents, it’s about setting boundaries that work, and for grandparents, it’s about recognizing that flexibility can really show the parents that you are ... willing to make adjustments for their children and grandchildren."

Enjoyable, low-stress quality time — that's something everyone can get behind.

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Family

Parents are applauding mom's genius trick for getting her super picky son to eat

She was at wits' end.

via Canva/Photos

A child refusing to eat his salad.

Having a child who’s a picky eater can be highly frustrating for parents. It can mean cooking meals that go to waste, having to plan ahead when going to someone else's house, and late nights in bed worrying if your child is getting proper nourishment. Popular TikToker Becca Marotta had it up to her neck with her son’s picky eating habits, so she tried something out of the box, and it worked.

“Welcome to my new series that I just made up, making my picky eater of a son make all of his own food. That sounds a lot meaner than it actually is,” Marotta joked in her video with over 96,000 views. "My son is the pickiest eater on the damn planet. So, I told him start finding videos of food that you think looks good. I'm gonna buy all the ingredients. I'm gonna help you make it and for some reason, it's working cause it's giving him the incentive to eat the food. And today he chose these beefy tacos. They were so good, and I was so proud of him; he ate the entire thing."

@beccamarottaa

I think I’ve cracked the code on how to make a picky eat actually eat 👐🏼 He ate the entire thing, they were SO good and now he’s looking for his next meal to try and cook #fyp #momsoftiktok #momlife #momtok

Parents applauded her efforts because she broke her son off his picky habits and taught him some valuable life skills. “That’s a really great idea bc then he can see what goes into planning, cooking, and cleaning a meal so maybe he can appreciate it more, try new foods, and learn life skills at the same time. Great job,” one commentator wrote.

“This will create such a good relationship with food. I wish my mom had done this,” another added. To which Marotta replied: “That’s actually my goal. I really want him to finally see food isn’t bad and there’s so much good around cooking and eating.”

How to deal with a child who's a picky eater

Marotta’s bold move to have her son cook his meals may not work for all parents—especially those with younger children. Susan Greenberg, a speech pathologist at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles who works on “everything from the neck up,” has some additional advice for parents who want to expand their children’s palettes.

“I give my children pouches,” she says. “They have a place, but you need to also introduce different flavors and textures so children are able to accept foods as they get older. The research tells us that the more flavor and texture exposures you have, the more competent of an eater you're going to be later in life,” she told Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles.



Greenberg says that if a child doesn’t like a particular food on the first attempt. Don’t worry. It often takes a few exposures to new flavors and textures before children come around. “It takes at least 10 times for some of us to decide if we like a food, and some research says even more than that,” she says. “So we know repeated exposures are important. You have to keep giving that food to kids.”

Dani Lebovitz, a pediatric registered dietitian in Nashville, says we should also avoid labeling kids as picky eaters.

“I don’t believe there is any such thing as a picky eater because we are autonomous people, and we are all entitled to our flavor and texture preferences,” Lebovitz says. “If a child doesn’t want to eat something or they say they don’t like something, it’s not because they’re picky. They’re learning about their taste buds, their flavor preferences, and texture preferences.”

Children are journeying to find textures and flavors they enjoy, and their taste buds change daily. There are stages people go through when appreciating music or art. Sometimes, we must learn how to enjoy simpler experiences before completely understanding broader artistic expression. The same goes for food. But it’s important to continue exposing kids to new experiences so they can grow to appreciate an abundance of flavors and textures.

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Popular

What are the 'non-obvious' signs someone is super smart? Here are 15 that people notice.

You can tell by the way they interact with people and ideas.

via Associated Press/Wikimedia Commons

Albert Einstein writing on a blackboard.

There are some obvious ways to determine if someone is highly intelligent, like when you see them work out a complex trigonometry problem on a blackboard or when they can easily explain the science behind mRNA vaccines or dark matter.

But there are also those we meet at social gatherings who immediately make us think they are very smart. Usually, it isn’t because they are making a long-winded speech about the fall of the Roman Empire or explaining quarks. We know they are intelligent because of the way they interact with people and ideas.

A Redditor named SomethingAbout2020 asked people on the AskReddit forum to share the “non-obvious signs” that people are intelligent. Many of their responses centered around how highly intelligent people are open-minded, curious and don’t waste their time arguing with others.

Brilliant people are confident in what they know, consider other people’s opinions and readily admit when they don’t know the answer.

Here are 15 of the best responses to the question: What are the non-obvious signs of a smart person?

1. They know what they don't know

"They acknowledge areas where they lack knowledge."

"'Never pretend to know something when you don't' is something I always teach. It covers lying and ignorance."

2. They consider other people's ideas

"They’ll listen to the other's facts and points and take them into account when giving an objection."

"One of the best developers at my last job and manager of a project I was at is an extremely intelligent person. ... One thing I noticed is how he would take everyone's opinion into account. He would take my opinions into consideration even if I'm not a smarter person or know less about development."

3. They make you feel smart

"Talking to a dumb person will make you feel smart. Talking to a smart person will make you feel dumb. Talking to a very smart person will make you feel smart."

4. They see patterns

"Part of the reason smart people throughout history are well-known is because they discovered something new and figured out how to maximize its potential. Darwin was a guy who discovered a bunch of islands with slightly different animals. He then collected and analyzed that data to come up with the theory of evolution, which was largely correct. Einstein’s theory of relativity was based off of his observation that physics acted on everything equally. He figured out that “exceptions” were because of the way high-speed objects interact with the universe’s speed limit (the speed of light). He recognized these exceptions by gathering them and recognizing the pattern between them all, then created his theory of relativity based on that."



5. They consider multiple intelligences

"They realize not everyone is smart the same way. Your 'stupid hick neighbor' might have dropped out of school in 8th grade, but he can drive your car once and tell you exactly what's wrong, then fix it. That a**hole in school that had no empathy for anyone and showed no emotion made that sci-fi sh*t you thought would never be real. Yeah, she's dingy and her worldview is tiny, but she's the best teacher you've ever met and inspires tons of kids to go on and do great things with themselves. There's no one-size-fits-all answer here, really."

People who are super smart are probably familiar with Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences. The theory suggests that people have more than just one type of just one type of intelligence, like being good at mathematics. Gardener says there are several, including musical, spatial, linguistic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, and kinesthetic intelligence. This theory opens the door for people to appreciate different forms of intelligence that may not be of the academic variety.

6. They choose their battles

"When another person is not able to process something and, therefore, sticks with his opinion, after a few tries, the smart person just gives up. There is no use in trying to make someone understand something while they already have an uneducated opinion."

7. They speak to their audience

"They know how to explain concepts on just about any level, tailoring that level to their intended audience, and without coming across as condescending in any way."

"I heard a saying that went 'you have to be an expert to explain it simply.'"

8. They're confident in their intelligence

"Not constantly bragging about their intelligence. If they truly are smart, people can figure that out pretty quickly without them doing anything to show it."

"You generally only brag about things you're insecure about because you seek validation. If you are very comfortable with your intelligence then you may not care if someone misinterprets you and makes you look dumb or something. You have nothing to prove. That's not just for intelligence but for anything."

9. They're funny

"I think the smart people are even more funny than stupid people because smart people understand the complexity behind humor and can make their jokes reflect that."

Scientific studies show that people who are funny, especially those who have a dark sense of humor, are more intelligent than their not-so-funny peers. Researchers argue that it takes cognitive and emotional ability to make people laugh, and analysis shows that funny people have higher verbal and non-verbal intelligence.



10. They mind their own business

"This is a big one. They keep to themselves and deal with their own drama."

11. They aren't necessarily great students

"Believe it or not 'average' or 'above average' students are often smarter than those with straight A’s on the report cards. They do enough to pass well and get what they want but don’t let the academic system control them. Life isn’t all about booksmarts. This shows they are independent thinkers and don’t get wrapped up in designed systems. Not all, but many. Many kids who are forced to always be exceptional in school can end up the worst off and can develop deeper issues."

12. They are good listeners

"They actually listen to who they are talking to as opposed to waiting for their turn to talk."

13. Curiosity

"It really does seem to be one of the single greatest differentiators between average and smart."

14. Comfortable in silence

"Being comfortable enough to allow a moment of complete silence while you think when the natural instinct of most is to immediately start replying tells me that you are, at the very least, mindful of what you want to say."

15. Unattached to their opinions

"Most of the smart people I know are not pushy with their opinions; by contrast, most of the opinionated people I know are flaming morons. I don't know if there's a correlation there, but my anecdotal experience has always been that the more eager someone is to state their opinion, the less that opinion is probably worth."


This article originally appeared last year.
smart people
Wellness

People with chronic congestion swear this medieval looking procedure is life changing

This procedure looks completely made up and possibly illegal.

Photo credit: Canva

Chronic congestion cleared up with medieval looking procedure

Nobody gets a stuffy nose and immediately phones their friends to tell them how excited they are. Being congested is miserable. You can't breathe through your nose, which makes your mouth dry, which leads to you licking your lips more, which then results in being frustrated about needing to keep reapplying chapstick. It's a whole irritating cycle that doesn't get broken until the congestion clears up.

Unfortunately for some people, there is no end in sight for their congestion. It's something they've lived with for years, even if they're not sick or reacting to a seasonal allergen. This can be caused by chronic sinus infections or even a narrow nasal passage that either never allows their sinuses to fully drain or are so narrow that they don't allow for appropriate airflow.

In order to get some relief, people have turned to a procedure that looks as if it would get the doctor charged with a crime. As primitive as the procedure appears, people who have had it done swear by the results. It's called craniofacial release and is generally done by a chiropractor trained in this unique procedure.

talent GIFGiphy

The process involves placing a medical grade balloon on a type of bulb syringe and inserting the other side of the deflated balloon into the nose of the patient. Once in the nose, the balloon is pushed through the nasal passage into the opening in the mouth. With a quick motion, the balloon is inflated and immediately deflated. Now, maybe it's because it looks so incredibly uncomfortable, but I swear you hear things crack.

Nothing about this release looks relieving. To top it off, the only anesthesia the patient receives is the complete shock of the process. How can you feel pain if your brain is still trying to process what just occurred ten minutes after your appointment ends.

Ben Stiller Hot Ones GIF by First We FeastGiphy

"The idea is that if you insert small balloons into the nasal passages and quickly inflate them, that you can adjust the placement of the cranial bones. It's said to relieve symptoms like sinus issues and trigeminal neuralgia," Anthony Youn, MD explains.

People chimed in with their own experiences while some appeared to be shocked that something like this is done in a medical setting.

"I have had cranial facial release done and it is a game changer! I could breathe through my nose, less sinus infections and the ringing in my ears improved by 80%. This truly improved my quality of life. In this video the Dr is very slow. It needs to be done fast. It is not painful just shocking. Highly recommended," one person writes.


"I had this done at an EMT[sic] office. The effects don't last, but it was the nest[sic] breathing I have ever had after wards. I had a sinus infection that needed to be drained manually because it has pocketed up. But the balloon was needed to create enough space for the little vaccuum[sic]," another shares.

"Actually a chiropractor does it and it works so much better than you’d even believe. it’s very uncomfortable but not painful and procedure only lasts for a few minutes but the relief on sinuses and migraines was unbelievable.oh but the ballon wasn’t in my mouth at anytime during procedure," someone else writes.

sad nose GIFGiphy

One person says not while they're awake, "only if i was sedated and had no memory of it. That gave me anxiety just watching it."

Someone else is also not keen on the idea of this procedure, "Oh heck no! I have a deviated septem[sic], and one nasal passage is smaller than the other. I definitely would not do this!!"

"This looks like a medieval torture. I'm sure I would panic," another declares, but would you do it?

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Woman who refuses to communicate information to mother-in-law gets brilliant response

She did the right thing.

Photo credit: Canva

Should she automatically become the kin keeper?

When women become wives and/or mothers, it seems commonplace for them to suddenly be saddled with the mental load of the household. If there are children, mom is usually the default parent. Studies have shown that when it comes to heterosexual relationships, men tend to need women more than women need men. In other words, when women get into relationships, they better be prepared to bear the brunt of emotional needs and labor. It can be daunting to be in charge of remembering all of the things, essentially becoming a house manager by default. Many times this isn't an arrangement that is discussed, it seems to be either an expectation due to parental modeling or falling into gender roles.

Morgan Strickell was not planning to fall into the trap of being her family's sole organizer and distributer of information. This was a boundary she and her husband were clear about before getting married but recently had to reinforce. The soon-to-be mom took to her TikTok page to explain that she is not interested in being her husband's "kin keeper."

In late 2024, Strickell was pregnant with her first child and, after news was posed on social media, her mother in law's feeling were hurt after finding the news out second hand. It was this situation that prompted the woman's video.

"I refuse to be the primary communicator with my husband's side of the family," Strickell starts. "A few weeks ago my mother-in-law was on the phone with us and she expressed that she was a little bit hurt because she keeps finding out things about our pregnancy from her sister who sees the posts on social media."

Strickell explains that this was news to her as she assumed her husband had been communicating any and all updates to his mother. So when they had another ultrasound appointment she reminded her husband to send the information to his mom, to which he asked why she couldn't inform his mom for him. That's when Strickell had to reinforce her boundary, reminding him that it is his job to inform his side of the family about important information.

Strickell has a good relationship with her mother in-law and speaks to her on a fairly regular basis, so it's not a matter of an unpleasant relationship. The soon-to-be mom is simply not adding additional things to her plate that then become the expectation. Many people in the comments agreed with her approach.

@morganstrickell #family #momsoftiktok #inlaws ♬ original sound - Morgan Elisa Strickell

I'm on your side and I'm actually the mom of three boys who don't communicate with me, but it is their responsibility to keep me in the loop not their wives," a commenter says.

"Last year my husband told me I was wrong for not including his mom in my Mother's Day shopping and I kindly reminded him that we in fact do not share the same mom," another writes.

"Stay strong on this, it only gets worse after the kid is born," someone declares.

"You are correct and the next thing he'll have you do is buying birthday presents birthday cards for his family and everything becomes your responsibility," another person says.

In another video, Strickell clarified that her husband isn't worried about his communication with his mother. She also says this isn't an issue that comes up often in their relationship because he is very good at communicating with his family. But Strickell's intention was to use that example as a means to make sure people are aware that the responsibility of communication doesn't have to fall only on the female partner in the relationship.

@morganstrickell

Replying to @Morgan Elisa Strickell

Amen to that.


This article originally appeared last year.

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