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Kids don't listen? Expert says stop constantly saying 'no' and try this approach instead.

"Your kids will never know what you want them to do if you only ever tell them what not to do."

child psychology, positive psychology, listening skills
via Canva/Photos

A young boy with his hands over his ears.

There isn’t a parent alive who doesn’t get tired of constantly correcting their child’s behavior by saying, “Don’t do this” or “Stop doing that.” What makes things even worse is that it can feel like no matter how many times we tell our kids to “stop standing on the couch” or “don’t slam the door,” they never seem to listen.

Jenna Mazzillo says that kids may not be responding to our “stop no don’ts” because they aren’t sure what they should be doing instead. Mazzillo shared her thoughts in a recent Instagram reel that was a big help to many frustrated parents. Mazzillo is a board-certified behavior analyst and special education teacher with 13 years of experience who goes by @abanaturally on Instagram,

How do I get my kids to listen?

“Here's the thing about when we use those ‘don't’ and ‘no’ statements. We're never telling our children what they should be doing. What should they be doing instead?” she said. “Additionally, we're just drawing attention to the very thing that we don't want our children to be doing.”



Mazillo’s advice makes a lot of sense. Learning the correct thing to do is impossible when we are only told what we shouldn’t be doing.

“So what should we do instead?” Mazzillo continued. “Tell our children exactly what we want them to be doing. Instead of saying, ‘Don't put your feet on the chair,’ we would want to say, ‘Put your feet down.’ Instead of saying, ‘Don't talk to me like that,’ tell your child exactly what you want them to say.”

Mazzillo shared some examples of how to implement her positive approach on Instagram.

  • Instead of saying, “Be careful!” try, “Hold onto the railing as you go down the stairs.” This gives them a specific action that promotes safety.
  • Instead of “Don’t touch that!” try, “Let’s keep our hands to ourselves when we’re in the store.”
  • Rather than “Hurry up!” try, “Put your shoes on so we’re ready to go.” Instead of saying, “Be careful!” try, “Hold onto the railing as you go down the stairs.” This gives them a specific action that promotes safety.




What is positive parenting?

Mazillo’s approach is part of a positive parenting philosophy that guides children with empathy, love and respect. The approach emphasizes building strong relationships, clear communication and teaching through encouragement rather than punishment.

Parenting author and public speaker Kara Carerro agrees with Mazzillo’s approach. “We must affirm what our children need to do. Rather than discipline and teach them by telling them what not to do, it’s a lot easier to tell them exactly what we want them to do. In telling a child not to hit, maybe he thinks, ‘Well, can I kick?’” she writes at Extremely Good Parenting. “In the end, my parenting has become much more intentional, using negative language and ‘no’ less and coming up with a more positive approach. It makes the power of ‘no’ retain its meaning and has created clear boundaries for my children.”

Ultimately, Mazillo’s positive parenting approach effectively communicates to your child what they should be doing instead of what they shouldn’t. So, it’s unsurprising that it helps them develop good listening skills, too. “If we want to be crystal clear so that our children understand what we want them to do, then make sure when you're telling them what to do, you use it in a positive phrase and avoid using those no and don't statements,” Mazzillo concludes her video.

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Animals & Wildlife

6th grader's science experiment answers, 'Do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on?'

A question no one knew they needed answered.

Photo courtesy of Kerry Hyde

Do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on? Science answers.

Cat owners sometimes have unique questions that even Google doesn't always have the answer to. This is probably the sole reason cat forums exist, but one kid who needed a 6th grade science project decided to skip the cat forums for answers and instead use the scientific method. Kaeden Henry, a sixth grader living in Florida, bravely pondered a question few (if any one) has been brave enough to ask: do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on?

Since cats do whatever the heck they want, training them not to jump on kitchen counters is a feat even Hercules struggles to complete. These fierce felines don't care if you're cooking dinner or trying to get comfy in bed. If they want to sit somewhere, they're going to do it. The thought of cat butts on that expensive Serta pillow designed to feel like you're sleeping on a cloud can gross people out, but thanks to Kaeden, you no longer have to wonder if the butthole itself is also making contact.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

The curious sixth grader is homeschooled and well-versed in the scientific method thanks to her mother's PhD in animal behavior with a concentration in feline behavior. And, since they own cats, the science experiment was pretty straightforward (and directly impactful).

To complete the experiment, Henry and his mom, Kerry Hyde, bought non-toxic lipstick and applied it to each of their cat's anuses. Then, the cats were given commands.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

"Non-toxic lipstick was applied to their bum-bums, they were then given a series of commands (sit, wait, lie down, and jump up. Side note: Both cats have been trained since kittenhood with a variety of commands, they also know how to high-five, spin around, and speak.), they were compensated with lots of praise, pets, and their favorite treats, and the lipstick was removed with a baby wipe once we collected our data in just under 10 minutes," Hyde wrote in a Facebook post.

The results? Turns out that, no, cat buttholes do not touch every surface cats sit on. Now, let's all take a collective sigh of relief while we go over the details. Kaeden's experiment covered long-haired, short-haired, and medium-haired cats (if your cat is hairless, you better stock up on Clorox wipes just in case).

"His results and general findings: Long and medium haired cat’s buttholes made NO contact with soft or hard surfaces at all. Short haired cats made NO contact on hard surfaces. But we did see evidence of a slight smear on the soft bedding surface. Conclusion, if you have a short haired cat and they may be lying on a pile of laundry, an unmade bed, or other soft uneven surface, then their butthole MAY touch those surfaces!" Hyde shares.

Now every curious cat owner can rest easy knowing that as long as their cat has hair, their bare bottom balloon knot is not touching the majority of surfaces in their home.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

The amusing experiment caught the Internet's attention. People laughed and commented, with one person writing, "This is probably the most useful information I’ve learned from a science fair project."

"Good to know!...I can now eat my sandwich left on the counter with confidence!" another writes.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

"A+++!!! Whew!! I am very grateful for your sciencing on this subject. My fears from walking in on my cat sitting on my laptop keyboard and subsequently being grossed out and cleaning furiously in a hyper-ocd manner have been somewhat allayed and now maybe I won’t have to use QUIIITE so many wipes." someone chimes in.

"Finally.. Someone answers the important questions!!"

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Joy

Her son passed away over a year ago. His best friend still brings her dinner every Wednesday.

"I think it heals him as much as it heals you 🥰."

by.erikahernandez/GoFundMe

After Erika Hernandez's son Jovan passed away, his best friend Mali kept visiting her.

One of the most painful consequences of grief is the loss of community. People fall away, lose touch, and become strangers with those who once were close.

But when Erika Hernandez lost her son Jovan in 2023 to gun violence, his best friend Mali never failed in supporting her and keeping Jovan's memory alive through their friendship. Now, a year and a half after his passing, Mali has created a tradition with Hernandez: The two get together every Wednesday night to watch the TV show The Equalizer with Mali bringing along dinner and his girlfriend.

In a new TikTok video shared by Hernandez (@by.erikahernandez), she shared the special routine the two share every week together. "My son's bestie shows up every Wednesday evening with dinner and his girlfriend to watch The Equalizer. My son passed away a year and a half ago," she wrote in the video's caption.

@by.erikahernandez

He’s been begging for a set of house keys. 😂 #momsoftiktok

In the video, Hernandez films Mali and his girlfriend eating at a table together. Mali makes himself at home, hanging in the kitchen and then grabbing the remote to put on their show. In the caption, she added, "He's been begging for a set of house keys 😂."

In an interview with PEOPLE, Hernandez shared that Mali and Jovan had been close friends for seven years before his passing. "Their friendship ran deep. They had this dream of naming their future sons after each other so their kids could be friends, too," she shared. "Even when life got busy, they made sure to stay close, meeting at our neighborhood country club to catch up and talk about life. Those two were a handful, but their shared passion and drive to push each other forward made it feel like they were long-lost brothers."

@by.erikahernandez

Homework? He’s done his homework at my home and has had proof read his papers. The nerve! 🙄🥴😂 Enjoy Pt. 4. #momsoftiktok

After Jovan's unexpected passing, Mali continued to stop by the family's home. "After Jovan passed, Mali would randomly show up almost every day—no heads-up, no text, just there," Hernandez said. "I could be on a work Zoom call, and there he was outside the window, being his usual silly self, trying to get my attention. It got to the point where I'd text him, and instead of replying, he'd walk right in."

Mali started to come by on evenings when Hernandez would watch The Equalizer, and it became a new tradition to watch together. "He sat down, watched with me, and got totally hooked," Hernandez added. "Afterward, I mentioned that the earlier seasons were on Netflix and told him if he wanted to watch, he could come over—but he had to bring pizza."

The weekly ritual has been healing for both of them. "Some people say his visits are a promise he made to Jovan — to watch over me if something ever happened to him — and that could very well be true," Hernandez told PEOPLE. "What I truly believe is that I'm the only tangible connection Mali still has to my son. And as long as Mali wants me in his life, I'll always be here for him."

Mali's consistent visits touched her TikTok viewers, who shared their thoughts in the comments:

"Ma'am, your son left you a son 🥺"

"this is my first time seeing a parent getting adopted."

"they say grief is just love with no where to go. I’m so happy that you all have a way to express that. keep spreading the love because I know Jovan is smiling ear to ear every Wednesday ❤️🩹."

"I think it heals him as much as it heals you 🥰."

Many called for Mali to get a house key for her place, and home improvement store Lowe's commented: "We know where you can get him one 👀." Hernandez indeed delivered for her "bonus son," and created a key for him.

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Joy

Robin Williams saw a struggling comedian bomb on stage. He changed her life with one sentence.

They had never met but Williams knew exactly what to say.

ha.wikipedia.org

Robin Williams performs on stage.

Robin Williams once beautifully said, "I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy. Because they know what it feels like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anybody else to feel like that."

One night at a comedy club in Los Angeles, a new, nervous stand-up comic was called to the stage by the emcee. In one hand, she casually had a beer that she propped up on the piano. In the other, was her notebook full of scribbled, half-written joke premises and a few wine stains. She did her opening joke and the response was so quiet, she could hear the ice machine crackling in the kitchen. Joke two — a slight spattering of nervous laughter. Joke three got a heartier laugh, but then it went back to deafening quiet by joke four.

She mercifully got through her final joke, and said "That's my time" long before the red light in the back of the club even went on. She scurried off stage with her beer, like that rat in New York carrying a piece of pizza. Panicked, embarrassed, and frankly — a little hungry.

It was just one of those nights. The last time she'd done this act — same words nearly exactly — she'd received an applause break. This time, she was left questioning every one of her life decisions. Why had she come to Los Angeles? How was the next month's rent supposed to get paid? Why had she cut her hair in the "Rachel-styled" haircut?

As she was about to enter the hallway that led into the bar area, she could feel actual tears forming behind her eyes, like little faucets that were slowly turning on. "Don't cry at the comedy club," she told herself. Rather, "Don't cry at the comedy club AGAIN." But as the tears came anyway, she looked up and lo and behold, there was Robin Williams. She stuttered, "You. Are. One of my favorites. Ever." He looked at her, his blue eyes warmly crinkling and said, "You were amazing."

It hadn't been true. But the fact that he would go out of his way to make this total stranger's awful night into one of her best at that time, was just the kind of person Robin was.

I know this because that woman was me.

I wanted to tell him about the Mork and Mindy poster on my wall as a kid, and how I had cut out Mindy's face and put in my third-grade class photo. I wanted to tell him how much I loved his care for animals and for the unhoused and for the less fortunate. Or that because of him, I had a weird fetish for suspenders. (The last one wasn't quite true, but I still wanted to say it.)

But instead I merely laughed and said "Oh, thank you. But I can do better." He gave me a gentle look like, "We're all in this together," and even though I knew I'd never have a career like his, it dawned on me that it didn't matter. That being kind to others actually DID matter and that he was a lighthouse in a really stormy, pitch-black ocean.

I stuck it out and just a few years later, got to perform in the super cool and coveted "New Faces" show at the Just for Laughs Montreal Comedy Fest. Didn't kill there either, but I was able to step back and look down from an aerial view. How we uplift others, whether through laughter or kindness, is really the only control we have in this world.

Years later, after Robin passed away, I had heart surgery and was feeling down. I had read that cardiac issues could leave a person biochemically depressed and the first person I thought of was him. I messaged our mutual friend from San Francisco and asked if he remembered Robin speaking to him about heart surgery and depression. He only affirmed that yes, it was a very real side effect and that I should take it seriously.

I have always thought of the neurotransmitter Serotonin like it was a flowery perfume. Notes of honey, lavender, rose. When someone has a good amount of it floating through their synapses, it leaves trace of itself wherever it goes, as if the tunnels it burrows under pumps it out through a steam grate. But from what I've heard, Robin struggled with that too. And yet he still found a way to leave a lovely and inviting scent behind him, because he wanted to make sure OTHERS were okay.

heart, robin williams, comediansA heart shaped neon sign in the dark Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

I guess, even in his death, I was looking to Robin for answers. But one puzzle remains solved: making others happy is the kindest thing we can do, even when our own valves --- whether heart or perfume pumps --- fail to work.

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Education

In the early 80s, there was one SAT question that was literally impossible to answer

Everyone got it wrong and it wasn't their fault.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Teenager is baffled.

As if the SAT didn't already have a less-than-stellar reputation in terms of racial bias and the possible inability to truly measure a student's cognitive abilities, now a story about an expensive blunder is once again making the rounds on social media. Back in 1982, one math question on the test was completely impossible to answer on the multiple-choice Scantron. How was that possible? Because the correct answer hadn't even been listed.

Pencil, SAT test, Scantron, testing, SATsClassic SAT test. Photo by Nguyen Dang Hoang Nhu on Unsplash

Here was the question: Picture two circles, a large one marked B and a smaller one next to it with an arrow, marked A. "In the figure above, the radius of Circle A is 1/3 the radius of Circle B. Starting from the position shown in the figure, Circle A rolls around Circle B. At the end of how many revolutions of Circle A will the center of the circle first reach its starting point?" Is it A, 3/2; B, three; C, six; D, 9/2; or E, nine?

On the Veritasium YouTube page, they explain that if you were to look at the problem logically, you'd conclude the answer was B, three. Because the circumference of a circle is 2πr, and the radius of Circle B is three times that of Circle A, "logically it should take three full rotations of Circle A to roll around." However, that answer is wrong.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

In Jack Murtagh's piece "The SAT Problem that Everyone Got Wrong" for Scientific American, he conveys it all came down to the Coin Rotation Paradox (take note of this if you want to sound super intelligent on your next date or job interview).

You can try this yourself. Murtagh writes, "Here's how the paradox works: Place two quarters flat on a table so that they are touching. Holding one coin stationary on the table, roll the other quarter around it, keeping edge contact between the two without slipping. When the moving quarter returns to its starting location, how many full rotations has it made?"

Again, most test takers assumed that the answer was three. But "in fact, Circle A makes four rotations on its trip—again, exactly one more rotation than intuition expects. The paradox was so far from the test writers’ awareness that four wasn’t offered as an option among the possible answers, so even the most astute students were forced to submit a wrong response."

Why in fact was this the case? On the Scientific American YouTube page, it's explained again: "If you replace the larger circle with a straight line of the same length, then the smaller circle would indeed make three rotations. Somehow the circular path creates an extra rotation. And to see why, just imagine rotating a circle around a single point. There are two sources of rotation here. One from rolling along a path—and the longer the path is, the more rotations. And another from revolving around an object, which creates one extra rotation, no matter its size."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Okay, one more try. Here, it's relayed in terms of actual astrophysics: "This general principle extends far beyond a mathematical fun fact. In fact, it's essential in astronomy for accurate timekeeping. When we count 365 days going by in a year—365.24, to be precise—we say we're just counting how many rotations the Earth makes in one orbit around the Sun. But it's not that simple. All this counting is done from the perspective of you on Earth. To an external observer, they'll see the Earth do one extra rotation to account for its circular path around the Sun. So while we count 365.24 days in a year, they count 366.24 days in a year."

What might be equally interesting is that out of 300,000 SAT test-takers who got that question at the time, only three wrote in to the College Board to challenge the answer. Ultimately, they had to fix the test, which cost them over $100,000. (In 1982, that's at least ten Happy Meals.)

The comment section on YouTube was buzzing.

gif, wrong, reaction, reaction gif, math problemYoure Wrong John C Mcginley GIFGiphy

This person suggests following your gut, even if that does mean challenging a professor or other authority figure: "In college, I took a poetry class and once had an answer marked wrong on a test. Confident in my response, I reached out to the poet themselves, who affirmed I was right and even communicated this to my professor. Despite not being a fan of poetry, that moment made me quite proud!"

Another person commented on the reasoning behind the paradox itself: "That part about the circle rotating around the triangle was mind-blowing. You instantly understand why it's not the same if the circle rolls on a flat line or rolls on a curved line."

And for this person, it brought peace of mind: "This was the one SAT I took, and I remember the question that didn't have a correct answer, and it wasn't until today that I understood the right answer. I can die happy now."

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Parenting

Teaching financial responsibility: the smart case for giving your child a credit card

“Helping your child build their credit score is an invaluable gift."

Photo credit: Canva

Nearly everything is purchased online these days.

With their colorful designs, customizable parental controls, and growing popularity among peers, it’s no surprise that kid-focused debit and credit cards have become increasingly appealing to families with young ones. Gen Z and Gen Alpha live in a vastly different financial landscape from their parents, and now, digital payments have largely eclipsed cash transactions. From concert tickets to food delivery to school supplies, nearly everything is purchased online. So, how can parents prepare their children for this new digital frontier and financial world that they themselves have not even experienced?

Ask the average parent about giving a credit card to a child, and they'll dream up a nightmare scenario: spoiled kids making endless purchases, unchecked impulse buying, mounting debt, and the development of poor financial habits. However, for the first generation growing up in an almost entirely cashless society, it makes sense for them to understand the value of money and how it’s used sooner rather than later.

Money, tree, financial responsibility, independence, financial literacyThe goal is financial independence. Photo by micheile henderson on Unsplash


According to a 2019 CreditCards.com poll, six million American parents have at least one minor child with a credit card. Winnie Sun, co-founder and managing director of Sun Group Wealth Partners and member of the CNBC Financial Advisor Council, gave her three children credit cards before they entered kindergarten. While this might seem extreme, she believes these early financial practices helped her children develop healthy money habits. In her Op-Ed for CNBC, Sun notes that her own parents added her to their Visa Gold card when she was 13 years old.

"My mom specifically told me that it was for emergencies, or if I had permission beforehand to use it," Sun recalls. "She thought it was a way to help her daughter in case she needed money, but what she didn't know then was that it also helped me learn how to handle credit early in life.”

Credit card, finance, debit card, swipe, financial literacyEarly financial education is crucial. Giphy

Financial experts are increasingly convinced that young adolescents should be included in conversations about money, recognizing that early financial education is essential for navigating today's digital economy. But when’s the right time? Andrew Latham, a certified financial planner with SuperMoney, explains that parents should assess readiness based on specific criteria.

“Parents should consider their child’s ability to handle financial responsibilities, understanding of money management and the overall need for a card. If a child can budget their allowance and has consistent needs to make purchases independently, they may be ready for a card,” he explains.

And which option is better for kids: debit or credit? Well, there are distinct advantages and potential drawbacks associated with both, which parents should consider carefully.

Credit cards

The primary benefit of getting your child a credit card is building a credit history. Credit history length makes up about 15% of your FICO score and up to 20% of your VantageScore. A longer credit history shows that someone has managed their accounts responsibly over time, demonstrating reliable financial behavior. As a result, lenders and credit card companies are more likely to approve applications and offer better terms to those with an established, positive credit history. By adding your child as an authorized user on a credit card with consistent, on-time payments, you can help them build strong credit from an early age.

Child, strong, financial literacy, credit score, money You can help your child build strong credit. Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

“Helping your child build their credit score is an invaluable gift,” writes Jae Bratton for NerdWallet. “A good credit score may help them secure a job, get lower interest rates on loans and, when the time comes, a top-notch credit card of their own.”

However, there are risks. Children under 18 cannot legally have their own credit card; they can only be authorized users on a parent’s account. As the name suggests, authorized users are allowed to use the card, but aren’t responsible for paying the bill. Therefore, parents will ultimately be responsible for all charges made on the card. If your child makes an expensive purchase, it could potentially affect your own credit utilization ratio and even damage their credit score. Jessica Pelletier, Executive Director of FitMoney, a nonprofit that provides free financial literacy curricula for K-12 schools, advises parents to remind their children that “there are firm limits…in place for authorized users.”

Debit cards

On the other hand, debit cards offer a more flexible yet tangible way for children to understand how to manage spending money. For Matt Gromada, the head of youth, family and starter banking at JPMorgan Chase & Co., he believes that early debit card access is a crucial component to lifelong financial literacy.

“Having a debit card opens the door for important conversations and real-world scenarios about the basics of finance—from spending and saving to explaining interest and how it accrues. It also gives your child a sense of pride, independence, and freedom, providing an opportunity for real-life experiences and learning,” he says.

Breaking free, financial literacy, debt, money, money management Break free of financial debt. Giphy

With debit cards, kids are limited to the amount of money available in the account, so they can't overspend beyond what is in the account. There are even modern debit cards specifically designed for kids, such as Greenlight, which offers a range of features that make parents and children feel secure and in control. There is no minimum age requirement for users, and parents can restrict spending at certain stores, set up safety SOS alerts, receive real-time notifications, and turn the card on or off remotely. This is also an easy way to transfer allowances to your child.

According to BECU, a financial cooperative, “a debit card can help your child learn financial responsibility basics such as keeping a card in a safe, dependable location, staying within spending limits, using a card for purchases, checking on balances, and monitoring for fraud.”

Of course, the main drawback of debit cards is that they don’t help establish or build a credit history. So, what’s right for you and your family? Start a dialogue today and discuss the best option for your children.

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