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Vaccine skeptics are my people. Here's how to reach at least some of us.

Vaccine skeptics are my people. Here's how to reach at least some of us.

Let me start by saying I will absolutely be getting the COVID-19 vaccine. No question. I'm pretty excited about it.

I can't say that I always would have felt that way.

When I started my family 20 years ago, I dove into the natural birth/parenting/health world pretty quickly. I gave birth to one of my kids at home (with a doctor who did homebirths) and had another at a birth center with a midwife. I treated my kids' earaches with garlic-steeped olive oil and their conjunctivitis with breastmilk. We keep elderberry syrup on hand for colds and flus and use ginger and turmeric tea as an anti-inflammatory. My husband has successfully used hibiscus tea to lower his blood pressure and acupuncture for prostatitis.

That's not to say we ever shunned Western medicine. We use antibiotics for strep throat, Tylenol if a fever gets really bad, etc. There's a huge spectrum of approaches to health and wellness, and tossing any of them out completely is pretty silly.

There's a lot of good stuff in the natural health world, including a lot that is backed up by traditional science. (See the links above.) There's also a lot of unsupported-by-science woo and misinformation, and that's only gotten worse in the age of social media.

As for vaccines, I started out unsure of what to think about them. I had concerns about injecting my children with what I understood to be toxic ingredients in vaccines, such as thimerosal (a mercury-containing compound that was removed from vaccines in 2001) and aluminum. We had a family doctor who wasn't anti-vaccine but had some hesitancy about certain ones, so we took each vaccine on an individual basis with his input.

We did immunize our kids, but we did it on a different schedule based on perceived risk. For example, we didn't do the Hep B vaccine at birth because the risk of our newborn baby being exposed to Hep B was incredibly tiny, so we figured that one could wait. We felt that our kids were healthy enough to get natural chickenpox immunity through infection, so we skipped that vaccine altogether. (Since we homeschooled, we were able to expose our kids purposefully in our own home and keep them isolated while the infection process ran its course. Totally understand if you cringe at that. I probably would now too.)

If I could go back and do it again I'd likely make some different choices, but at the time we made informed decisions based on the information we had. I'm not sure where I would have ended up if I'd had the big, nutty world of social media at my fingertips.

I was a vaccine skeptic, not a full-on anti-vaxxer, but it's a slippery road from one to the other. In reality, I think there are a lot of people like me out there, and I'm concerned that they're being swayed more and more toward conspiracy theories. Healthy skepticism and scrutiny over what we put into our bodies is, well, healthy. People have questions and concerns, and that's a good thing. How those questions and concerns get addressed is key.

One thing not to do: Don't dismiss all vaccine skepticism as uninformed ignorance. There is some of that out there for sure, but there are also a lot of people who have solid reasons for their concerns, even if they aren't concerns for everyone. Most vaccine skeptics aren't ignorant conspiracy theorists just as not all people who work for pharmaceutical companies are greedy profiteers. If the people with the best scientific information roll their eyes at people for their questions, they will be lured down the rabbit hole of misinformation by those who welcome their skepticism.

There are two truths we need to internalize it comes to understanding people's vaccine decision-making. 1) No one except people who study this stuff for a living has the time to wade through ALL of the information, so humility goes a long way. 2) Even though we all think we're informed, we base our decisions far more on who we trust—and don't trust—than on any specific information we have.

That trust part is huge. It's The Big Key. Any conversation with a vaccine skeptic has to address trust first and foremost. If so simple to say, "Just trust the science!" but the people who say that don't understand how many scientists and doctors there are in the anti-vaccine world who share studies and analyses and whatnot that makes the science seem pretty fuzzy. Which scientists are we supposed to trust? Which doctors? Which studies?

The biggest source of distrust for most vaccine skeptics is "Big Pharma" and the gargantuan profits pharmaceutical companies make. It's a mistake to dismiss that concern out of hand. We've all seen the price gouging of medications—are we supposed to believe these pharmaceutical companies have our best interest at heart? We've all seen medications get recalled because they found out they did some kind of harm—is this the science we're supposed to put our faith in?

When people are starting from that place of distrust, it's a pretty short distance to the conspiracy theory rabbit hole. Once people go down that hole, it's virtually impossible to bring them back, so we have to find the off ramp before people get there.

One step toward the off-ramp, which should come early in the discussion, is to help people establish just how rotten they think humanity really is. I know that sounds odd, but that one thing forms the foundation for everything that comes next. If you're talking to a vaccine skeptic, ask them these questions: Do you think most people generally do the right thing? Do you think most people go into their careers for the right reasons? Do you think most people want the world to be a place where everyone is happy and healthy?

If they seem unsure, ask them to think about all of the people they know personally. Nearly everyone will answer yes to these questions when they think about the hundreds of people they know.

The reason that's important is because our brains tend to generalize and dehumanize processes and industries that involve a lot of people. And the less we actually know about how a process or industry works, the more monolithic we make our generalizations. I see people do this all the time with "the media." As if "the media" is one thing and not a bunch of competing companies that each have their own mission and culture and commitment to certain standards of reporting. Such monolithic ideas remove the individual, dedicated editors and journalists who really try to do their jobs to the best of their ability—the people who actually make up "the media."

We do the same things with "politicians" when we assume all elected officials are corrupt and power-hungry. We do the same thing with "corporate America" when we assume that all corporations are 100% motivated by greed. Monoliths take humans out of the equation and replace them with a nefarious blob of malintent that isn't truly reflective of reality.

When you make "the vaccine industry" a monolith, it seems like this big, powerful machine that exists only to line the pockets of the people who run it. And yes, pharmaceutical companies make buttloads of money, because they can. Yay, capitalism. But break it down. The people in those companies who are responsible for profit-mongering are specific people in the marketing and financial executive departments—it's not the entire company. It's certainly not the individual researchers who spend their days studying virology and epidemiology and immunology. It's not the scientists who dedicate months and years to figuring out how to treat a disease or save humanity from an infectious pathogen. It's not the vaccine development teams or the teams running the trials or the teams analyzing the data. Generally speaking, those people don't have anything to do with the money-making side of the pharmaceutical business in any meaningful way.

That doesn't mean every individual person is trustworthy, of course. Most of us would agree that there are some bad apples everywhere, but that's why we have professional organizations and review boards and standards, so that we minimize the likelihood of a bad apple ruining the bunch. And if you believe that most people do their best work for the right reasons, you have to believe that the vast majority of scientists around the globe who work on vaccines do everything in their power to make sure whatever they're developing is as safe and effective as possible.

Breaking down these big industries into how they actually function and understanding that the scientists making the vaccine are not synonymous with the company selling it can go a long way toward building trust in the science, without actually having to go as far as trusting the companies themselves.

Explaining that people pushing anti-vaccine information are also making money can also help. If people believe Big Pharma is bad, then everyone against Big Pharma seems good, even though there are a lot of quackos and grifters out there who profit big time off of people's skepticism and fear. Being anti-corporate-profiteering doesn't automatically make someone trustworthy.

And though it may sometimes feel like too many people are too far down the rabbit hole to make a difference, helpful explanations of the science from scientists actually does help. For instance, this Twitter thread explains how the mRNA COVID-19 vaccine works in layman's terms. And the questions and answers that follow the main thread are helpful as well for minimizing fear.

Acknowledging that people's questions and concerns are legitimate (even if you know their conclusions are not), is a good first step. Setting a baseline foundation for trust is the second. When you actually delve into those questions and concerns, do so in a way that doesn't just throw data or statistics at them, but actually addresses the underlying fear and distrust that can lead to conspiratorial thinking.

Not everyone will be convinced, but we have to be as diligent as those pushing misinformation and keep putting out facts with calm confidence. So many of us are actually swayable by good information, especially when it comes from people we feel like we can trust.

Joe grew up without stability. Now, he’s giving 10 adopted sons the home he never had.
True
Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption

Like many children who are placed in foster care across the United States, Joe’s childhood was marked by chaos and a struggle to survive.

Joe still remembers neglect and abuse being part of his daily reality. Often left to care for his younger siblings alone, Joe grew up far too quickly.


He and his brothers were placed in the New York foster care system at an early age. And when he aged out of foster care at 21, he had no family to turn to for support.

“Statistically, I should be in jail, or I could be dead,” Joe said. “But that’s not my destiny.”

Today, Joe is determined to change the trajectory for young people lingering in foster care … as an adoptive parent and as an advocate, raising awareness along with organizations like the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.

A complex problem with an evidence-based solution

More than 100,000 children in the U.S. foster care system are waiting for a safe, permanent home. But the sad reality is that thousands will “age out” of the system between 18 and 21, stepping into adulthood without support, guidance or a safety net.

The consequences of this can be devastating. Youth who leave foster care without the support of a forever family are much more likely to experience negative outcomes, including homelessness, unemployment, substance abuse and early, unplanned parenthood.


Through its signature program, Wendy’s Wonderful Kids®, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is working to be a part of the solution across the U.S. and Canada. Through this program, the Foundation supports the hiring of adoption professionals — known as recruiters — who serve children most at risk of aging out of foster care, including older children, children with special needs and siblings.

Wendy’s Wonderful Kids recruiters use an evidence-based, child-focused model, identifying trusted adults in the child’s network who may be open to adoption — and research shows that it works. A five-year, national evaluation showed that children referred to the program are up to three times more likely to be adopted.

Changing the journey for a new generation

Xavier was 18 and at risk of aging out of foster care without family support when he met Joe.

“My biggest fear was that I was going to age out and not know how to be sufficient on my own,” Xavier said. But Joe adopted Xavier just weeks before he was set to age out of the system. In the years that followed, Joe adopted from foster care again. And again.

Today, Joe is a father to 10 sons, seven of whom were adopted with help from the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.

“Meeting my boys has put them on a different path,” Joe said. “Wendy’s Wonderful Kids was a real support and guide to being able to do what I try to do: making sure they have the tools to survive.”

“For me, it’s been beautiful to see that [my brothers are] spreading out to go live their own lives,” Xavier said. “It’s something [Joe] has prepared us for. He gave us the mentality that we could do whatever we want.”

Writing a new ending

After aging out of foster care, Joe managed to defy the odds, graduating from college and becoming a school counselor. Still, despite his own success story, he knows that many children who spend time in foster care aren’t as fortunate.

Joe hopes providing a “home base” for his sons means a brighter future for them.

“Here, we have people you can call your family — your brothers, your father,” Joe said. “Everybody, no matter where they are, knows that they can come home.”

Learn more about the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and how you can help find forever families for more children lingering in foster care right now.

Family

Boomer grandma challenges family norms by asking why she has to do the traveling for visits

"Should grandmas be the ones on the road, or should families pick everything up and drive to her?"

baby boomers, grandparents, travel, airport, senior woman traveling, luggage

An older woman holding a suitcase.

When the holidays roll around, it’s time for families to decide where they will meet to celebrate. For the most part, parents with younger kids dread packing their bags and traveling to a family member’s house where things aren’t set up for young children. You fumble around setting up the pack ‘n plays, can’t find your bottle brush, and freak out because the electrical sockets aren’t child-proof.

However, many grandparents aren’t keen on enduring the mental and physical strain of traveling at an older age. So, who’s right? Grandma Jan, founder of Grandma Camp and a TikTok influencer who shares fun ideas for grandparents and grandkids, argued that parents should pack up their kids and visit Grandma.


@grandmacampplanner

Is it Grandma’s job to travel to the kids, or should the family come to her? 👀 Let’s hear it—#GrandmaCamp #FamilyDebate #momsoftiktok #GrandmaLife #HolidayTravel

“Okay, so, here's the debate: families say, ‘Grandma, why don't you come visit us?’ But let's be honest, Grandma's house is where the traditions are, the cookies are, and all of the toys are,” Grandma Jan begins. “But if grandma is driving, flying, hauling all the gifts, and packing up her car to come see you, maybe it's time to flip the script. When did it become normal for Grandma to pack up all her stuff and come see you? Should the kids pile into the car, bring all their toys, and just go visit grandma? Bring all that love and chaos to her?”

So she asked her followers: “Should grandmas be the one on the road or should families pick everything up and drive to her?” Just about everyone in the comments said that grandparents should have to travel to see their grandchildren.

“Nope. I want Christmas morning in pajamas with my family. I want my traditions. My parents and in-laws (the grandparents) got all of this how they wanted. It’s my turn now,” Maggie wrote. “Gramma is retired and now has a shit ton of time. Kids and parents have a very finite amount of time off in the holidays that they do not want to spend on the road,” Mrs. Wright added.

Some grandparents also checked in to disagree with Grandma Jan. “Why would I put that on my kids and grandkids? It’s so hard traveling with kids, not to mention expensive to fly for more than one person,” Populustultus wrote. “What a weird way to think about that. Why wouldn’t you help your kids create magic in their home? Signed a grandma,” LifestylebyKat added.

@grandmacampplanner

Disclaimer: My last post was meant to spark conversation, not advice. It came from what I witnessed as an OT — older grandmas struggling to travel alone. Every family is different ❤️ #GrandmaCampByGrandmaJan #FamilyDecisions #GrandmaLife #OTperspective #momsoftiktok

The response inspired Grandma Jan to release a follow-up video clarifying her opinion. She admits she came up with the idea after seeing older people having a hard time getting through the airport. “[I saw] older grandparents struggling their way through airports carrying their own heavy bags while managing a walker or a plane or a wheelchair, struggling through all on their own with no one to assist,” Grandma Jan said. “And as an occupational therapist, that actually broke my heart. For younger, healthier grandparents, travel can be fun, but for the older generation, it can be quite a struggle."

Ultimately, Grandma Jan didn’t intend to put anyone out; she just wanted to have a conversation about what’s best for families as a whole. “And Grandma Camp by Grandma Jan is about having those conversations, not making rules. And at the end of the day, it's about connection, not distance,” she concluded her video.

Wheel of fortune, gameshow, tv, tv game show, puzzles, word games, word puzzles, viral videos, live tv, ryan seacrest
Wheel of Fortune/Youtube

A woman's iconic, $50,000 puzzle solve on 'Wheel of Fortune' is going viral.

Are you still talking everyone's ear off about your last big Scrabble win? Still talking about your great Wordle guess from the other day? You might want to take a seat and watch how a truly great puzzle solver does it.

Listen, while we all love a hilarious Wheel of Fortune fail, watching an epic win can be just as entertaining. And that’s exactly what recently happened on The Wheel when a contestant named Traci Demus-Gamble made a winning puzzle solve so out-of-nowhere that it made host Ryan Seacrest jokingly check her for a hidden earpiece.


In a clip posted to the show’s YouTube account Friday, Jan. 17, Demus-Gamble waved to her husband who was standing on the sidelines before going up to the stage for her next challenge: guess a four-word “phrase.”

Wheel of fortune, gameshow, tv, tv game show, puzzles, word games, word puzzles, viral videos, live tv, ryan seacrest Step right up and take a spin on the Wheel of Fortune! Giphy

Demus-Gamble wasn’t off to a great start, as only two of her given letters (“T” and “E”) made it to the board. And the odds didn’t improve much after Demus-Gamble, admittedly “nervous,” gave the letters “M,” “C,” “D,” and “O” and only two of those letters showed up once on the board.

“Again, not too much more, but who knows, you’ve had a lot of good luck tonight,” Seacrest said. “Maybe it’ll strike you.”

Demus-Gamble had almost nothing to go off of. No category, no lucky words that were already filled in.

Then, all in under ten seconds (more like in 1.5 seconds), Demus-Gamble correctly guessed, “They go way back” like it was nothing. She was right, to the amazement of everyone watching.

Watch the incredible moment below:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"How in the world did you solve that last one?" Seacrest asked.

"I just dug deep, I dug deep," Demus-Gamble said.

Yeah, you dug real deep," Seacrest replied. "Congratulations, great, great work."

The clip racked up hundreds of thousands of views on YouTube, where commenters couldn't believe their eyes:

“Now THAT was an amazing solve.”

“Wow! That was impressive!”

“I couldn't solve that one to save my life, but Demus-Gamble got it like it was nothing.”

“There's only one way to describe this to me: 😦”

"One of the most impressive bonus round solves I've seen for this season"

"I’m happy for her, that was not an easy puzzle to solve and she got it right away. So amazing! I definitely had no idea what it was and I’m pretty good solving the puzzles."

Demus-Gamble's solve was absolutely incredible, but it might fall just short of being the best of all time.

In 2020, a woman named Taya solved a lengthy five-letter phrase with just two letters given: "A Place Like No Other." Another man guessed "Championship Match" with only the letter T present.

Demus-Gamble's epic solve definitely earns her a spot in the Wheel of Fortune Hall of Fame, however.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Solving word puzzles like this one might seem like pure luck, but there's definitely a strong element of skill involved. Keen watchers of the show will be familiar with patterns and will quickly be able to identify likely choices. For example, in the clip above, the first word is shown at "T_E_." It could be a lot of different words, but it's highly probable that it's "They." It takes a lot of practice and quick thinking to recognize that in just a fraction of a second.

According to her LinkedIn, Demus-Gamble has worked as an English teacher and as a self-employed author, which totally checks out.

At the end of the clip, Seacrest opened the envelope to reveal that Demus-Gamble’s puzzle solve won her $50,000, earning her a total win of $78,650. Certainly not chump change.

As for her winning strategy—Demus-Gamble assured no cheating was involved. “I just dug deep," she told Seacrest. We’ll say.

This article originally appeared in January. It has been updated.

silent films, film history, makeup, makeup history, history, cool history, films, pop culture
Harold Dean Carsey, Wikipedia

Clara Bow

Film lovers and historians have long marveled at the hypnotic faces of the silent era: ghost-white skin, black lips, those hypnotically hollow eyes. But as one viral explainer from Hollywood history buff Swofford revealed, this wasn’t so much an aesthetic choice as it was about chemistry, physics, and creativity blending together in a really cool way.

In the earliest days of cinema, filmmaking was as much a science experiment as an art form. Directors, actors, and makeup artists were learning, frame by frame, how to make human faces readable on camera. And what they discovered would lay the groundwork for movie makeup as we know it.


As Swofford explained, early silent films were shot on orthochromatic film, from the Greek ortho (“correct”) and chroma (“color”). Ironically, the “correct color” film was terrible with warm tones and “did not give AF” about them, Swofford quipped.

This meant that red lipstick looked black, rosy cheeks turned ashen, and natural skin tones vanished into murky gray. Meanwhile, blue tones, which the film stock was sensitive to, appeared shockingly bright or ghostly white.

Pioneering filmmakers took their cues from theater—where thespians had already learned to combat harsh gaslight with greasepaint—and then reengineered those tricks for the even harsher glare of studio lamps and film stock.

Foundations came in pale yellows, whites, or faint pinks, applied in streaks and topped heavily with powder to reduce shine from the scorching studio lights (dear god, I’m breaking out just thinking about this). Contours were rouged in red for dimension, and blue, counterintuitively, was used as a highlighter. Eyes and brows were lined in dark brown or black to emphasize expression.

silent films, film history, makeup, makeup history, history, cool history, films, pop culture Theda Bara upload.wikimedia.org

The idea was to make “the whites of the eyes shine as brilliantly as possible," said Swofford.

Lips, meanwhile, were painted in cool pinks or muted browns—reds would turn black on film. And while rumor has it that 1920s actresses wore green lipstick, Swofford clarified that was a later invention for early color television testing, not the silent screen.

Under normal light, this makeup looked downright alien. But under orthochromatic film, it was pure magic: dreamy, sculpted, expressive. To prove it, Swofford even applied authentic 1920s makeup to his own face on camera. Lo and behold, it looked downright bizarre in color, but when he adjusted the light settings, it was uncanny. He suddenly transformed into a vintage film idol, like we’ve stepped into a Buster Keaton reel.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Once panchromatic film arrived—film that could capture the full color spectrum—this strange alchemy was no longer necessary, Swofford noted. And with the dawn of Technicolor, the entire aesthetic changed again.

This video is an amazing reminder that cinema has always been an evolving collaboration between art and experimentation. The faces of the silent era may look ghostly now, but in their time, they were pure innovation. It also goes to show that the earliest stars weren’t just performers, but the founders of a new visual language.

Be sure to give Swofford a follow on Instagram and YouTube for even more educational and entertaining videos just like this one.

coffee shop, barista, giving, generosity, breakfast

Sometimes a coffee shop is more than a coffee shop.

What happens when a volunteer-run, non-profit coffee shop offers free breakfast to people whose food assistance is about to be halted due to a government shutdown and political stalemate? The world shows up to help in a big way.

Heretic Coffee is a unique coffee shop and roasting company in southeast Portland, Oregon. The community-oriented shop aims to be a counter to the often-exploitative coffee industry, which means it pays its suppliers the best possible wage and provides top-notch brewing training to the volunteer baristas who help the shop run. And now that generosity of spirit has spread far beyond Portland after owner Josh White put out an offer to provide breakfast to anyone who is losing their SNAP benefits when the U.S. government halts benefits on November 1.


On October 26th, 2025, the coffee shop wrote on Instagram, "Starting November 1st: If you are losing your SNAP benefits and are unsure how to feed your family, then breakfast is on us. No proof needed. No questions asked. Just ask us for the 'Snap breakfast' and our baristas will know what to do, and will take care of you. Come in each day until your SNAP is back."

People who saw the post began asking if there was a place they could donate to help out with the generous offer. Heretic set up a donation link and put it in shop's Instagram bio, and soon the donations started pouring in. Within two days, over 2,000 people had donated, raising more than $72,000. In another two days, the total had climbed to over $184,000. As of October 30, that total had risen to over $280,000.

To say White was surprised is an understatement. "I legitimately thought we would get a couple hundred dollars,” he told The Oregonian.

What's perhaps most remarkable is the global nature of the donations. People from Australia to West Africa have sent breakfast funds, and as of October 30, more than 10,000 people had donated from around the world. One donation was just $1.17—all the person had to donate.

“This is a now a global movement of humanity making sure Americans are fed, White wrote on the shop's Instagram page. “Literally, thank you to the world for feeding people. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: when the system fails us, it’s on us to take care of each other.”

White has partnered with Equitable Giving Circle to ensure that every dollar of the flood of donations is put to the best use to help individuals and families in the Portland area get the aid they need.

People from Portland and elsewhere shared praise for the initiative and people's response to it:

"That’s an average donation of $26 each - let’s please remember this next time we are tempted to think 'but I’m just one person, what can I do?."

"When you eat primarily rice, beans, tuna, pasta, and are able to go into a regular coffee shop for a fresh meal — so much dignity is restored in that little act 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹."

"This is incredible!!! I love how people are showing up and giving what they can!! What a beautiful way to bring some healing to our divided nation."

"The way this rolling tide of generosity and love has made every day this week infinitely more tolerable ❤️🩹 None of us should have been driven to the point that this needed to be the answer but I am so damn grateful that humanity has shown up in this incredible way at this moment when my faith in all that’s good was beaten and dragged and shrinking every day."

""Restoring faith in humanity when we need it. Thank you!"

Heretic says that their first step with the flood of funds is to feed people with their SNAP breakfast initiative. "This is in effect right now and will be until SNAP is reinstated or until we go broke," the shop shared on Instagram. The next step is to use the attention "to bring awareness to the mutual aid orgs & communities here in Portland who have been doing this for years, and using your financial support to feed as many people as possible."

"Again, from the bottom of my heart: thank you," White wrote. "Thank you to everyone who has waited for their latte, to the grandmother in Ireland who emailed me and said she’d cook me dinner if I were ever in her city, and to the thousands of you who have given your money for this cause.

"Portland, please come eat. The world has you."

Indeed it does. Find more information about the SNAP breakfast initiative on Heretic Coffee's Instagram page.

Health

Man makes a perfect case for why you'll find so many narcissists at church

"I don't think Christianity creates narcissists, but I do think it attracts them."

church, pew, christians, worship, service, prayer

A family at church.

There’s a bizarre paradox in American life where some of the most shameless people claim that they are devout followers of God. You see it all the time with shady politicians and even in the pulpit, where it seems like every few months, some famous preacher is getting caught up in a scandal motivated by greed or sex.

There are also those people you meet in church who claim to be the most Godly on Sunday, but seem to forget His teachings during the week. What gives? Why is it that people who claim to be the most religious are often self-centered, arrogant narcissists? A popular TikToker who goes by Johnny and posts about politics and American culture says it’s because narcissists have a special love for religion. After all, it perfectly complements their toxic personality.


“Have you guys ever noticed that it seems like narcissists seem to love Christianity? And it's not because they're genuinely spiritual, but because it gives them everything that they want: Admiration, forgiveness, and zero accountability,” Johnny opens his video.

@happytimes503

#religion #psychology #christianity #narcissism #accountability

“They wanna do whatever they want and still be seen as good. Then there's the image side of it, of course. You know, churches reward the appearance of virtue —being godly, family-oriented, moral. It's a stage narcissists thrive on,” Johnny continued. "They get to stand up, talk about values, saving the kids, while living the opposite in private.”

What is a narcissist?

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition where people have a grandiose sense of self-importance. They are known to excessively brag about their achievements and fantasize about success, power, beauty, intelligence, and love. They have an intense need for admiration due to their fragile self-esteem and are preoccupied with how others feel about them. People should be wary around them because they are known to take advantage of others deliberately and can fake humility to protect their sense of self-importance.


Richard Ramos, founder of Parents on a Mission, a faith-based organization to help at-risk youth and families, says that churches are often positioned to be exploited by narcissists. “Many religious spaces value obedience, emotional vulnerability, and moral certainty, and of course, narcissists can exploit this to elevate themselves while hiding behind righteousness,” Ramos told Upworthy.

How to identify a narcissist in a religious setting

When do you know that someone in your house of worship is a narcissist? “You need to be aware of leaders or members who constantly put themselves front and center, discourage questioning, and confuse charisma with character,” Ramos told Upworthy. The Parents on a Mission founder believes that when combating narcissists in a religious setting, it’s best to enlist the entire community.


“If you’ve begun to sense narcissistic patterns in your faith community’s leadership, trust that instinct, and don’t carry the weight alone,” Ramos said. “Reach out to trusted voices, whether inside or outside your faith circle. You are not being ‘divisive’ by protecting your peace. You are discerning. Set clear boundaries and remember, spiritual leadership should never shrink your soul. True faith brings freedom, not fear. Confidence, not confusion. Worth, not shame.”