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Vaccine skeptics are my people. Here's how to reach at least some of us.

Vaccine skeptics are my people. Here's how to reach at least some of us.

Let me start by saying I will absolutely be getting the COVID-19 vaccine. No question. I'm pretty excited about it.

I can't say that I always would have felt that way.

When I started my family 20 years ago, I dove into the natural birth/parenting/health world pretty quickly. I gave birth to one of my kids at home (with a doctor who did homebirths) and had another at a birth center with a midwife. I treated my kids' earaches with garlic-steeped olive oil and their conjunctivitis with breastmilk. We keep elderberry syrup on hand for colds and flus and use ginger and turmeric tea as an anti-inflammatory. My husband has successfully used hibiscus tea to lower his blood pressure and acupuncture for prostatitis.

That's not to say we ever shunned Western medicine. We use antibiotics for strep throat, Tylenol if a fever gets really bad, etc. There's a huge spectrum of approaches to health and wellness, and tossing any of them out completely is pretty silly.

There's a lot of good stuff in the natural health world, including a lot that is backed up by traditional science. (See the links above.) There's also a lot of unsupported-by-science woo and misinformation, and that's only gotten worse in the age of social media.

As for vaccines, I started out unsure of what to think about them. I had concerns about injecting my children with what I understood to be toxic ingredients in vaccines, such as thimerosal (a mercury-containing compound that was removed from vaccines in 2001) and aluminum. We had a family doctor who wasn't anti-vaccine but had some hesitancy about certain ones, so we took each vaccine on an individual basis with his input.

We did immunize our kids, but we did it on a different schedule based on perceived risk. For example, we didn't do the Hep B vaccine at birth because the risk of our newborn baby being exposed to Hep B was incredibly tiny, so we figured that one could wait. We felt that our kids were healthy enough to get natural chickenpox immunity through infection, so we skipped that vaccine altogether. (Since we homeschooled, we were able to expose our kids purposefully in our own home and keep them isolated while the infection process ran its course. Totally understand if you cringe at that. I probably would now too.)

If I could go back and do it again I'd likely make some different choices, but at the time we made informed decisions based on the information we had. I'm not sure where I would have ended up if I'd had the big, nutty world of social media at my fingertips.

I was a vaccine skeptic, not a full-on anti-vaxxer, but it's a slippery road from one to the other. In reality, I think there are a lot of people like me out there, and I'm concerned that they're being swayed more and more toward conspiracy theories. Healthy skepticism and scrutiny over what we put into our bodies is, well, healthy. People have questions and concerns, and that's a good thing. How those questions and concerns get addressed is key.

One thing not to do: Don't dismiss all vaccine skepticism as uninformed ignorance. There is some of that out there for sure, but there are also a lot of people who have solid reasons for their concerns, even if they aren't concerns for everyone. Most vaccine skeptics aren't ignorant conspiracy theorists just as not all people who work for pharmaceutical companies are greedy profiteers. If the people with the best scientific information roll their eyes at people for their questions, they will be lured down the rabbit hole of misinformation by those who welcome their skepticism.

There are two truths we need to internalize it comes to understanding people's vaccine decision-making. 1) No one except people who study this stuff for a living has the time to wade through ALL of the information, so humility goes a long way. 2) Even though we all think we're informed, we base our decisions far more on who we trust—and don't trust—than on any specific information we have.

That trust part is huge. It's The Big Key. Any conversation with a vaccine skeptic has to address trust first and foremost. If so simple to say, "Just trust the science!" but the people who say that don't understand how many scientists and doctors there are in the anti-vaccine world who share studies and analyses and whatnot that makes the science seem pretty fuzzy. Which scientists are we supposed to trust? Which doctors? Which studies?

The biggest source of distrust for most vaccine skeptics is "Big Pharma" and the gargantuan profits pharmaceutical companies make. It's a mistake to dismiss that concern out of hand. We've all seen the price gouging of medications—are we supposed to believe these pharmaceutical companies have our best interest at heart? We've all seen medications get recalled because they found out they did some kind of harm—is this the science we're supposed to put our faith in?

When people are starting from that place of distrust, it's a pretty short distance to the conspiracy theory rabbit hole. Once people go down that hole, it's virtually impossible to bring them back, so we have to find the off ramp before people get there.

One step toward the off-ramp, which should come early in the discussion, is to help people establish just how rotten they think humanity really is. I know that sounds odd, but that one thing forms the foundation for everything that comes next. If you're talking to a vaccine skeptic, ask them these questions: Do you think most people generally do the right thing? Do you think most people go into their careers for the right reasons? Do you think most people want the world to be a place where everyone is happy and healthy?

If they seem unsure, ask them to think about all of the people they know personally. Nearly everyone will answer yes to these questions when they think about the hundreds of people they know.

The reason that's important is because our brains tend to generalize and dehumanize processes and industries that involve a lot of people. And the less we actually know about how a process or industry works, the more monolithic we make our generalizations. I see people do this all the time with "the media." As if "the media" is one thing and not a bunch of competing companies that each have their own mission and culture and commitment to certain standards of reporting. Such monolithic ideas remove the individual, dedicated editors and journalists who really try to do their jobs to the best of their ability—the people who actually make up "the media."

We do the same things with "politicians" when we assume all elected officials are corrupt and power-hungry. We do the same thing with "corporate America" when we assume that all corporations are 100% motivated by greed. Monoliths take humans out of the equation and replace them with a nefarious blob of malintent that isn't truly reflective of reality.

When you make "the vaccine industry" a monolith, it seems like this big, powerful machine that exists only to line the pockets of the people who run it. And yes, pharmaceutical companies make buttloads of money, because they can. Yay, capitalism. But break it down. The people in those companies who are responsible for profit-mongering are specific people in the marketing and financial executive departments—it's not the entire company. It's certainly not the individual researchers who spend their days studying virology and epidemiology and immunology. It's not the scientists who dedicate months and years to figuring out how to treat a disease or save humanity from an infectious pathogen. It's not the vaccine development teams or the teams running the trials or the teams analyzing the data. Generally speaking, those people don't have anything to do with the money-making side of the pharmaceutical business in any meaningful way.

That doesn't mean every individual person is trustworthy, of course. Most of us would agree that there are some bad apples everywhere, but that's why we have professional organizations and review boards and standards, so that we minimize the likelihood of a bad apple ruining the bunch. And if you believe that most people do their best work for the right reasons, you have to believe that the vast majority of scientists around the globe who work on vaccines do everything in their power to make sure whatever they're developing is as safe and effective as possible.

Breaking down these big industries into how they actually function and understanding that the scientists making the vaccine are not synonymous with the company selling it can go a long way toward building trust in the science, without actually having to go as far as trusting the companies themselves.

Explaining that people pushing anti-vaccine information are also making money can also help. If people believe Big Pharma is bad, then everyone against Big Pharma seems good, even though there are a lot of quackos and grifters out there who profit big time off of people's skepticism and fear. Being anti-corporate-profiteering doesn't automatically make someone trustworthy.

And though it may sometimes feel like too many people are too far down the rabbit hole to make a difference, helpful explanations of the science from scientists actually does help. For instance, this Twitter thread explains how the mRNA COVID-19 vaccine works in layman's terms. And the questions and answers that follow the main thread are helpful as well for minimizing fear.

Acknowledging that people's questions and concerns are legitimate (even if you know their conclusions are not), is a good first step. Setting a baseline foundation for trust is the second. When you actually delve into those questions and concerns, do so in a way that doesn't just throw data or statistics at them, but actually addresses the underlying fear and distrust that can lead to conspiratorial thinking.

Not everyone will be convinced, but we have to be as diligent as those pushing misinformation and keep putting out facts with calm confidence. So many of us are actually swayable by good information, especially when it comes from people we feel like we can trust.

Pop Culture

All In: 5 Ways This Week

From the silly to the sentimental, there are so many ways people like to go “all in” on something. Here are our five favorite examples we found this week across the internet.

5 ways people are going "All In" this week
5 ways people are going "All In" this week
5 ways people are going "All In" this week
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When you hear the words “all in,” what do you think? You might picture a Dancing with the Stars trend gone viral or maybe bridesmaids who fully supportive of the bride's favorite movie (and recreates an iconic scene). Whatever you picture, the idea is the same: Someone who does something with 100 percent total commitment. Going “all in” means giving your all—going completely over the top, no second guessing, no holding back. Just full-throttle enthusiasm, with some flair and creativity thrown in. And when people go “all in,” something truly special usually happens as a result.


The internet abounds with examples of people giving it their all—whatever it is. In this roundup, we’ve found the very best examples of people going “all in”—moments where passion, creativity, and commitment take center stage. Some are sentimental, some are silly, but all of them are a reminder that giving 100 percent is truly the only way to leave a mark on this world. Get ready: These folks didn’t just show up, they went all in.


1. An Iconic "snow-coaster"

One thing about going all in - it can be crazy and childish at times. That’s something that makes going all in special, connecting with that side of you that takes things less seriously in order to have some fun. Shira Goldstone and her husband took to that mindset when it started snowing in their backyard. Shira’s husband picked up planks of wood (and whatever other tools are required) and within the same night, in the falling snow, built a “snow-coaster” for the two of them to play on.

2. A Truck That's Feeding It's Community

You already know our friends at All In—they’ve got some seriously tasty snacks that are not only healthy and affordable (scroll to the bottom of this article to see how you can snag a free bar), they help fund food banks, gardens, community fridges, meal programs, and other amazing things

For Giving Tuesday, All In teamed up with Fresh Truck, a weekly mobile market that brings fresh and affordable produce to neighborhoods in the Boston area. Fresh truck hosts weekly markets, pop-up events, and an online storefront, all to help strengthen communities who need it the most. They’re going all in on local nutrition and food access, and we’re here for it.


3. All In on Madam Morrible

I’m always all in on a good TikTok trend. This week, I’m going to share with you a classic that has come out of the Wicked franchise and the incredible actress Michelle Yeoh.

Michelle, who plays Madame Morrible in the Wicked movies, is an outstanding actress. She’s known for iconic films like Everything, Everywhere, All At Once, as well as Crazy Rich Asians and Star Trek. But her legacy might be this one quote, which she’s said in interviews countless times, and now people can’t stop making videos with the phrase “Madame Morrible, M.M…flip it around, W.W. Wicked Witch!”

You might have to take a look at how people are going all in yourself, the sound has taken off with already 14.3K videos, and the variations are unstoppable...defying all odds and maybe even...defying gravity?

4. Spotify Wrapped: All in on "Coconut Mall"

TikTok · Ale

www.tiktok.com

There’s nothing better than finding a song that hits just right and gets you feeling productive. For some people, it’s lofi beats. For others, it’s orchestra music. For TikTok user @aleinmotion, it was the “coconut mall” song from the Mario Kart racing soundtrack. Ale never realized how much she listened to the song until it became #1 on her Spotify Wrapped. Sometimes you’ll be surprised by what you love most, and I’m thinking this is one of those moments for Ale.

5. A Family Prank Everyone Enjoys

This girl said her boyfriend had an ugly hat, so her family decided to go all in on supporting him instead. This is when love and humor come together, a perfect prank that actually made the boyfriends day…and taught his girlfriend that nothing is really that serious! They even got the daughter her very own hat as well, and she looked happy to wear it!

As someone who grew up with a dad who always wore floppy hats to protect him from the sun, I understand the embarrassment. Maybe it’s time I go all in and show my support with a matching hat and white long sleeve sun shirt!

Snag your free (!!) snack bar here while this deal lasts. Simply sign up with your phone number, pick up your favorite flavor of an All In bar at Sprouts, and then text a picture of your receipt through Aisle. They’ll Venmo or PayPal you back for the cost of one bar. Enjoy!

Autumn de Forest, art, kids, artists, painting, Pope
Autumn de Forest

Autumn de Forest stands before a sign with her name on it

When Autumn de Forest was five years old, she picked up a paintbrush for the first time. It wasn't long before she was ready to show the world what she could do.

After a year of practice, the then-six-year-old asked her father if he could get her a booth at a local art-in-the-park program. "People would come up to the booth, and they would talk to my father, and they'd say, 'This is great!'" she said. "Apparently they thought it was Take Your Daughter to Work Day."


Almost everyone thought the artwork was her father's. When they found out that tiny Autumn was the artist, people couldn't believe their eyes.

art, kids, art genius, kid genius Autumn created this piece when she was just 5 years old.Autumn de Forest

Soon, Autumn rose to national fame

When Autumn was eight, she was featured on the Discovery Health Channel. There was a slew of media attention in the years that followed. There was Disney. There was The Today Show. There was Wendy Williams. She was called a child genius, a prodigy, and an expert painter.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Suddenly, Autumn de Forest was everywhere.

But not everyone was so accepting of the young artist and her work. Some people in the art world had...questions. Sure, she was good for a kid. But was her art actually good? Others wondered if the whole thing might be an elaborate hoax.

Autumn ignored her critics and kept painting.

By age 14, she developed a startlingly organized daily routine that went far beyond a 9 to 5

Somehow, as the focus on her age began to wear off, Autumn's work ethic and art only grow stronger. She said that most days, she'd wake up in her parents' Las Vegas home at 7:30 a.m. After breakfast, she'd break out her supplies for a one- or two-hour painting session. From there, she dove into her school work. Most brick-and-mortar schools can't accommodate her travel schedule, so she did the majority of her schooling online.

Before dinner, it was back into the studio.

"That session can last much longer, that can be three or four hours when I really get into it," she said. "Then I probably have dinner and go to bed."

kids, painting, artistic genius, paintings, kid artists Autumn de Forest paints Autumn de Forest

The results speak for themselves

Her work has been displayed in galleries and exhibitions all over the world.

kids, painting, artistic genius, paintings, kid artists An Autumn de Forest paintingAutumn de Forest

Autumn held a public demonstration before a showing at The Butler Institute of American Art.

assets.rebelmouse.io

In 2015, Autumn received the International Giuseppe Sciacca Award in Painting and Art.

The award took her to the Vatican for a private showing of her artwork with Pope Francis.

Autumn de Forest, the Pope, Pope Francis, painting, art Autumn de Forest stands with the Pope who looks at one of her paintings Autumn de Forest

At 16, she also worked with the President's Committee on the Arts and the Humanities, headed up by former First Lady Michelle Obama.

As part of the program, de Forest traveled to underprivileged schools around the country and led painting workshops. Oh, and if you're looking for some hard numbers to attach to Autumn's talent, she's got those, too.

Her paintings raked in over $7 million at auctions by the time she was a teenager—fetching as much as $25,000 each—much of which has gone directly to charities and disaster relief funds.

Now 24, Autumn continues to be represented by Park West Gallery, the world's largest art dealer, and is keeping busy with her craft and philanthropy.

- YouTube youtu.be

The transition from child prodigy to respected artist has certainly kept her busy. In 2017, the Monthaven Arts and Cultural Center in Hendersonville, Tennessee hosted a major solo exhibition for de Forest titled "Her White Room: The Art of Autumn de Forest."

That same year, de Forest was listed as one of Teen Vogue's "21 Under 21." In her profile she was praised for her talent as well as her commitment to art education.

"In dis­advantaged schools, they consider the arts an extracur­ricular activity," she told Teen Vogue. "It's devastating, as there could be child prodigies in these schools, but they don't know that they have this God-­given gift because they're not given the opportunity because there's nearly no art programs in schools."

In 2018, de Forest was featured in the music video for the song "Youth" by best-selling recording artists Shawn Mendes and Khalid. The video highlights exceptional young people working to change the world, including de Forest, Emma González, and Elias and Zion Phoenix.

The video has over 88 million views on YouTube.

And of course, de Forest continues to share her absolutely incredible artwork on Instagram and in shows and exhibitions around the globe.

The Autumn de Forest Foundation helps her keep track of the kids she's met throughout the years and to continue to help them with their art careers

A portion of the foundation's money goes to a 529 account set up for the students while 10% goes to them directly.

"A lot of these kids that I work with, they're not very old, they're in second grade, third grade, fourth grade. Maybe in 10 years, they may only have four or five thousand dollars but that could be the difference between them going to college or not," Autumn told Teen Vogue.

Autumn's incredible rise in the art world is an astonishing feat for someone so young, but that accomplishment is easily matched by her generosity and commitment to helping develop tomorrow's prodigies as well.

De Forest's latest solo exhibition debuted in late August of this year, and ran through mi September at the Park West Soho Gallery. She now resides in Los Angeles according to her profile on the networking site, dot.cards.

For more information, visit her website.

This article originally appeared nine years ago. It has been updated.

postal workers, mailman, mail carrier, usps, mail, handwriting, package delivery, delivery driver

The remote mail processing facility that deciphers our sloppy chicken-scratch addresses.

ALT HL: When mail addresses are too hard to read, they get sent to this strange and fascinating facility

ALT HL: The crack team of 800 specialists that works around the clock to decipher sloppy handwriting on US mail


Our handwriting is getting worse. More and more of our writing and communications are being done digitally, and young people, in particular, are getting a lot less practice when it comes to their calligraphy. Most schools have stopped teaching cursive, for example, while spending far more time on typing skills.

And yet, we still occasionally have to hand-address our physical mail, whether it's a holiday card, a postcard, or a package.

We don't always make it easy on the postal service when they're trying to decipher where our mail should go. Luckily, they have a pretty fascinating way of dealing with the problem.

The U.S. Postal Service sees an unimaginable amount of illegible addresses on mail every single day. To be fair, not all of it comes down to sloppy handwriting. Labels and packaging can get wet, smudged, ripped, torn, or otherwise damaged, and that makes it extremely difficult for mail carriers to decipher the delivery address.

You'd probably imagine that if the post office couldn't read the delivery address, they'd just return the package to the sender. If so, you'd be wrong. Instead, they send the mail (well, at least a photo of it) to a mysterious and remote facility in Salt Lake City, Utah called the U.S Postal Service Remote Encoding Center.

According to Atlas Obscura, the facility is open 24 hours per day. Expert workers take shifts deciphering, or encoding, scanned images of illegible addresses. The best of them work through hundreds per hour, usually taking less than 10 seconds per item. The facility works through over five million pieces of mail every day.

Every. Single. Day.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The process of encoding the mail is very cool. The electronic system the encoders—called "keyers"—use is connected to real conveyer belts full of mail all over the country.

The local mail distributors are counting on the REC to properly process the illegible mail items before they get dumped off the conveyer belt and into a bin that must be sorted by hand.

Time is of the essence! That's why the best keyers process an address about every four seconds. Like a library, there's no talking or extra noise allowed in the work room. It's important that the keyers have the utmost focus at all times.

Not all of the items that come through the REC are the result of bad or damaged handwriting, by the way. Sometimes, the handwriting is highly stylized. That's why posters displaying cursive letters are hung in every cubicle, next to coding sheets that list state abbreviations, cities, etc.

At one point, there were 55 similar sites all across the United States. But improvements in software that can automatically read addresses and the lower volume of handwritten mail and letters going out means the Salt Lake City facility is the last one standing.

The REC currently employs about 800 people, but the facility is processing less and less mail every year.

Even still, the human keyers are the last line of defense when AI, machine-learning, and fancy algorithms fail. The technology will continue to improve, but human intuition and judgment simply can't be replaced in the toughest cases.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

What happens if the keyers at the USPSREC can't decipher an address? All is not lost.

A local postal worker would retrieve the mail from the "reject bin" and do his or her best to figure it out upon closer, physical inspection. If that fails, the mail would likely be returned to its original sender.

However, some postal workers have been known to go above and beyond to deliver mail. One famous viral story out of Iceland shows a sender that hand-doodled a map on the outside of a letter in lieu of an address—and it worked.

In recent years, there's been a lot of supposed "concern" about the U.S. Postal Service not being profitable and losing money each year. It is self-funded and receives no funds from American tax dollars.

Amid talks of the USPS's "broken business model," it's easy to forget that mail and package delivery is an essential public service. It keys our economy, our communities, and our democracy.

The postal service is in danger of being shut down or privatized, but that would be a major disservice to the postal workers and Encoding Center keyers who work tirelessly to make sure mail gets delivered on time to the right place.

Community

Frugal people share 15 "fancy" home hacks that feel bougie while still saving them money

"It feels fancy and Greek-goddess-y, while also using less hot water!"

frugal, frugal living, frugal home, frugal house, frugal money saving tips

Frugal people share money saving home tips.

Being frugal can sometimes feel anything but luxurious. Saving money usually means cutting back or giving up on the "finer" things.

But frugal people have found ways to still cut back on household spending while making their homes feel like five-star hotels. And bonus: their frugal "little luxuries" can have even bigger payoffs than saving money—they have big mental health benefits.


“Little luxuries can trigger the release of feel-good neurotransmitters, improving overall mood,” Robert Cuyler, PhD, Chief Clinical Officer at Freespira, explained to VeryWell Mind. "Physically, little luxuries that promote relaxation and well-being can lead to lower blood pressure, improved sleep quality, reduced muscle tension, and a strengthened immune system due to decreased stress levels."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

To save money around the house while still feeling fancy, these are 15 frugal home hacks.

"My grandfather in law has motion sensor lights in every room in his home. He got me some for my apartment back in the day, and man oh man. I felt like a KING every time I walked in and the lights just popped on. My energy bill was also noticeably smaller. Still not sure why they changed to walled sized bills... Also, as an eco conscious human, I was glad to be saving energy. Finally, I found it to be more hygienic and less stressful when not having to worry about touching lights when cooking or whatever. Still swear by automated illumination to this day." - KVNTRY

"Wait til you hear about pressure-based light switches. I put one in the door jamb of my pantry so when you open the door, the light immediately kicks on. Close it again, and it shuts off. It’s glorious." - Stone_The_Rock

"Cloth napkins. We haven’t bought paper napkins in years, and the cloth ones are so much nicer anyway." - SmileFirstThenSpeak

"Carrying everything on trays. I might be overdosing on Downton Abbey, but having trays of various sizes readily available is nicer and easier." - Heel_Worker982

@hellobrownlow

welcome to Frugal Living Essentials! we're talking about all the little things that add up to being super frugal in your day to day life. #frugalliving #frugalmom #singleincomefamily #livebelowyourmeans #frugal

"Changing my toilet seats out to the easy to slide off versions so you clean everything more thoroughly without fighting crevices is a game changer." - mycofirsttime

"An led bulb that I programmed to do sunrise/sunset wakeup and sleep routines. Silicone trays to put skincare products on." - Okiedonutdokie

"Auto sensor soap and water dispenser for the kitchen so I don't have to clean the faucets when I might have gotten raw meat juices on them." - SilentRaindrops

"I bought a big pack of white washcloths for general use and I keep a stack neatly folded in half on the bathroom counter. Feels hotel-core and 'prepared' for little effort." - infieldmitt

"Having indoor plants - especially the ones that have low light needs and are easy to propagate. My pothos plant is the gift that keeps on giving since its cuttings have allowed me to have greenery in every room of my place. I’ve gotten all my plants frugally - cuttings from friends, inherited plants from moving neighbors, rescued plants from work, and occasional purchases from places like Aldi or Trader Joe’s. I’m lucky to have a southeast facing room and all of my plants thrive in there. I feel so freaking fancy sitting among my plants, reading a book with my dog by my side." - onlythegoodstuff44

"Bathroom fan switch with choice of how many minutes you want it to run. No more worrying about it running when we're asleep or outside the house." - fishfishbirdbirdcat

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"I put a pretty vintage pitcher in my shower that I fill up with hot water to use while I have the water turned off. It feels fancy and Greek-goddess-y, while also using less hot water!" - laurasaurus5

"My door catchers and door stops. For the room doors that are almost always open, I installed magnetic door catchers on the baseboard. This holds the doors in place, creating clean lines in the rooms and predictably large openings. I also had two 5 lbs kettle bells which I spray painted chrome and use as door stops at my front and back doors. They are easy to place, look good, and securely hold heavy exterior doors open. I love them." - AvivaStrom

"We got a robot vacuum mop. For the price of one month of having a cleaner come in to do my floors, I can have someone other than me vacuum and mop daily! Yay for Mr. Clean! Such a cheerful helper! It feels a little like having staff. 🧐" - mystery_biscotti

"Purchased a French door from Lowes and replaced my sliding glass door. It made the room 'pop'. They have doors in every price range via their catalog from a modest expense to very expensive. I absolutely hate sliding glass doors." - texasusa

"Get one of those shower curtain rods that's curved outward. Total game changer." - CurnanBarbarian

Love Stories

Penn Badgley compares romantic relationships to gardening, and the metaphor is spot on

He beautifully illustrates the difference between falling in love and being in love.

penn badgley, joe from you, botanical garden, gardening, flowers

Penn Badgley's botanical garden analogy is resonating with people.

Poets and philosophers have been using metaphors and analogies to try to define love for millennia, so it seems like we would have heard them all by now. But Penn Badgley, whose role as serial killer Joe in the TV series You couldn't be further from his real-life persona, has shared a metaphor for relationships that is hitting home.

Badgley has been married to his wife, Domino, since 2017, and he shared on the Mighty Pursuit Podcast some thoughts on the difference between falling in love and being in a real, long-term relationship. He explained that the initial experience of falling in love is "a total dream state that does not last."


"It's like the 'falling in love' energy," he says, "and if you go real hard and fast, then you'll burn through it quickly, and if you go slow it might last two years." But the physiological addiction of love, the infatuation period, always comes to an end. "And then, what are you left with?" he asks.

He talks about allowing your partner to be a whole person, with qualities that might be unattractive or uninteresting or imperfect. "Love on those terms is completely different," he says.

"You know, you go to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. It's gorgeous. Being in love—falling in love—is like walking through the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. Maybe you've gotten a free ticket. You walk in, you're like, 'Wow, this is beautiful.'"

garden, flowers, brooklyn botanical gardens, gardening metaphor, beautiful garden Bluebells at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. Rhododendrites/Wikimedia Commons

"I think being in a relationship is more like being a gardener at the Botanical Gardens," Badgley says. "It's like, you know how this all works. And you got to do some work, but that should be joyful, because you're making it beautiful. You go from being a passive person visiting a garden exhibit to becoming a master gardener. You really have to understand things about the soil, just the diversity of the plants that affect one another."

"The ecosystem of one person's interior and another is like that," he continues. "It's like the interaction of ecosystems. They have to find balance. And when they do, there's this really lovely, new kind of perfection."

The analogy is a powerful one that might help people who may be familiar with the falling in love experience but not so skilled in the being in a relationship part. Falling in love is passive enjoyment. Being in a relationship is learning how to create beauty and maintain it, building skills and understanding as you go.

"So many people these days want the botanical garden without putting in the gardening work. I love this analogy🪴🪏💚."

"Wow the way he explained this is so mesmerizing and relatable."

"His example of garden/nature is perfect; relationship/your partner is sacred. It shouldn't be treated as anything less."

"This is a very good analogy, most just want to visit daily vs becoming a gardner."

"The garden comparison was brilliant, very bright man who knows the hardships and struggles of a relationship but learning how to navigate through it to make it something meaningful and beautiful!!!"

"Hearing a man talk about relationships in this way gives me hope."

For relationships to work, having a comprehensive view of what love means and how you and your partner's "ecosystems" work together is super helpful. Love may not be simple or easy, but when you're dedicated to learning the skills to nurture it, you can go beyond just enjoying the pretty scenery and work to co-create something even more beautiful.

Watch the full Penn Badgley interview on Mighty Pursuit here:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

doorbell, millennials, comedian, strangers, generational differences
Photo credit: Canva, Africa images (left, cropped) / Khosro (right, cropped)

Millennials bond over their doorbell anxiety.

If you’re a Millennial who reacts to a knock on the door like it's a "jump scare" from a horror flick, you’re not alone. Comedian Jake Lambert nailed that particular form of anxiety in a new Instagram video titled "how different generations react to the doorbell," in which he acts out stereotypical responses from Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, and Gen Z.

The Boomer reaction is simply asking, reasonably, "Who’s that?" and walking over to the door. For Gen X, it’s wondering, "Who’s that?" and checking the security camera. The Gen Z move is apparently ignoring the sound entirely. But only Millennials, according to Lambert, react to a doorbell with genuine fear—in this case, appearing totally stunned and sliding off the couch into a puddle on the floor. The clip is hilarious, but it also appears to have touched a nerve. A large chunk of the top comments come from that demographic, with people pointing out the video’s accuracy.


Millennials say doorbell phobia is real

Here are some highlights from the flood of responses:

"Look, Millennials were locked up in the house alone when our parents were at work, we were told under NO circumstance were we to open the door for stranger’s. 🚪#strangerdanger⚠️"

"100% accurate on millennial 😂❤️"

"Millennial here. I definitely hide immediately and try not to make any noise"

"Millennials are not home ever unless you text first and give them hours notice. Facts."

"Yep, as a millennial, I can confirm that if I'm not expecting anything or anyone, there's no way I'm answering the door. The same applies to phone calls. Leave me alone. I don't exist. You don't need my time, and I yours."

"Millennial here. I've even removed my doorbell 😂"

"Millennial running quickly to the bathroom to hide hoping I wasn’t seen. I thought it was just me 😭"

"Millennials were latch key kids who were left home alone and told to never answer the door under any circumstances. We weren’t even supposed to let anyone see we were home alone, hence staying away from windows, closing the blinds, staying silent, etc. That was a large part of our childhood."

"And we stuck to it! 😂"

"Millennials are so anxiously traumatized 😂 I love us!"

"I'm a millennial and I feel so seen, but also attacked.😂"

"That millennial was quite accurate if I could disappear completely I would😂💯"

Safe spaces for this specific Millennial anxiety

This isn’t the only online safe space where Millennials have expressed their knock/ring stress. Ethan Lapierre (@Withethanlap) spoke "for all Millennials" in a funny and fascinating video, saying, "If someone rings the doorbell, we’re basically treating it like it’s a home invasion."

What’s interesting, Lapierre says, is a perceived shift in how this generation has interacted with that particular sound: "It’s so crazy because, growing up, someone ringing the doorbell was exciting. It meant one of your friends was coming over to see if you could go play or someone was selling, like, wrapping paper or Girl Scout cookies, you know?...Now [when] someone rings the doorbell, it’s like panic and anger. It’s like, 'Who even knows where I live? Who has the audacity to ring my doorbell right now?’ You start asking yourself, 'Do I even have the capacity to have a face-to-face conversation with another human?'"

But this response, Lapierre says, is "insane" because of how many Millennials were raised: "[A]ll of us are very well-versed in small talk, in pleasantries. That’s how we grew up. But somewhere along the line, we started needing a head’s up before you came to our house. Like 'Text me, call me, send a carrier pigeon—I don’t care. Just let me know before you come over.’ Because, for some reason, that ringing of the doorbell or that knock at the door is triggering a fight-or-flight response. It’s so wild because we grew up answering landlines without hesitation, but now we treat the doorbell ring like it’s a jump scare."

"I have no desire to open the door when I don't know who it is"

This same topic even launched a thread on the /Millennials subreddit' user rethinkingfutures wrote that they don’t answer the door unless they know someone is coming over. "Do other millennials not answer the door if they don’t know who it is? Even with a peep hole?" they asked. "I have no desire to open the door when I don’t know who it is or if I’m not expecting anyone. It’s not even that I’m a single woman who lives alone; I just hate answering the door for people whose arrival I’m not anticipating."

Lambert even touched on a similar topic in a video about how different generations show up to people’s houses. "Millennials will have hoped that the plans would've been canceled," he says in the clip. "There’s no reason that a millennial will ever actually want to come to your house…They will arrive late, but they will text you to let you know they're on their way, just as they're about to get into the shower. And a millennial will never knock on your door. You'll just get a text either saying 'here' or 'outside,' and that's your cue to go and let them in."

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