Tod Perry

Have you ever been talking to someone at a party and noticed that, instead of looking you in the eyes while you're speaking, they keep peering over your shoulder? It can feel insulting, because it sends a clear signal: I'm not paying attention to you.

That's an obvious sign someone isn't listening. But what if you're talking to someone and want to know whether they're actually taking in the information and enjoying what you have to say, rather than just smiling and nodding along? Researchers at Concordia University recently conducted a study suggesting you can tell when someone is truly listening by paying close attention to their eyes.

How to tell when people are actually listening to you

Researchers found that when people are intently listening, they blink less.

"We don't just blink randomly," Pénélope Coupal, an honors student at the Laboratory for Hearing and Cognition, said. "In fact, we blink systematically less when salient information is presented."

Co-author Mickael Deroche, an associate professor in the Department of Psychology, adds, "Our study suggests that blinking is associated with losing information, both visual and auditory."

A man and woman making eye contact.via Canva/Photos

Researchers found that blinking isn't just tied to eyesight, but also to mental processing. When we try to focus on information in a distracting environment, we tend to blink less. In the study, participants wore eye-tracking glasses, and their blink rate slowed when they were listening to sentences compared with moments of silence between them.

So if you're speaking with someone at a party and notice they're staring at you intently and blinking slowly, chances are you have their full attention. Researchers do warn, however, that not everyone has the same blink rate, as some people naturally blink more often than others. Because of that, a better way to judge whether someone is listening is to notice whether their blinking slows down compared with their usual rate.

How to tell if someone is attracted to you

The research supports the idea that when people are attracted to someone, their blink rate tends to decrease.

Chase Hughes, a former U.S. Navy chief who specializes in interrogation skills and nonverbal analysis, writes on Medium that "blink-rate decreases when someone is interested in a person or topic. An increased or increasing blink-rate is indicative of a loss of interest or a response to stressful stimuli."

So what's the best way to determine whether someone is attracted to you? Hughes says to pay close attention to their gaze.

"[The] Number one way is, do they blink less often when you talk? Is their blink rate slowing down?" he told Marczell Klein on the Breakthrough Podcast. "And when somebody is really focused on someone else, you're gonna see their pupils dilate almost all the time. And you've probably seen that many times. And you're gonna see that blink rate start going down. They're gonna blink less and less often."

A man and woman making intense eye contact.via Canva/Photos

It's hard being stuck in a conversation with someone who isn't listening, but it's great to have tools that can help you determine whether you're really getting through to them or if their mind is elsewhere.

Understanding the blink-rate theory can help you adjust how you communicate mid-conversation. If the other person is blinking rapidly and seems distracted, it may be a good cue to change what you're saying or how you're saying it. And if they're clearly not offering the common courtesy of listening, know it's time to excuse yourself so you can find someone who truly cares.