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Melissa Gilkey

Health

Empathy expert Brené Brown shares hilarious story with poignant message about blaming

Brown has a knack for sharing personal anecdotes that nail universal themes for us all.

upload.wikimedia.org Credit: BBearg Team

We've all had a "Damn you, Steve!" moment

Brené Brown has something important (and interesting) to teach us about blaming — something you might not have considered before.

You can watch the video at the end of the article: But here is the quick recap.

She begins with a funny story depicting the first time she realized the extent to which she was a "blamer."

She's in her house, wearing white pants, drinking a big ol' cup of coffee. Then, all of a sudden...

...and the very first thing that comes out of her mouth, without hesitation?

Yup. That's right: "Damn you, Steve."



You see, Steve is Brené's husband. And he came home a little bit later than expected last night. As a result, she went to bed later than usual and therefore needed a second cup of coffee this morning ... a cup of coffee she ended up spilling all over herself. Because Steve.

Oh, dear. Poor Steve.

Brené explains why she reacted this way — why so many of us are quick to find someone or something to blame when we're frustrated.

"How many of you go that place when a bad thing happens? The first thing you want to know is whose fault is it.
I'd rather it be my fault than no one's fault. Because why? Why? Because it gives us some semblance of control."
"Here is what we know from the research. Blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain. It has an inverse relationship with accountability. Accountability by definition is a vulnerable process. It means me calling you and saying, 'Hey my feelings were really hurt about this.' And talking is not blaming. Blaming is simply a way that we discharge anger."
"People who blame a lot seldom have the tenacity and grit toactually hold people accountable. Because we've spent all of our energy raging for 15 seconds and figuring out whose fault something is."
"Blaming is very corrosive in relationships, and it's one of the reasons we miss our opportunities for empathy."

Let's recap: Blaming is essentially unleashing our anger, pain, and discomfort onto whatever we can find (e.g., Steve) to make us feel more in control ... when, in reality, that's the opposite of what happens.

Instead of gaining control, we are losing the ability to have happy, healthy, and empathetic relationships.

That's huge. And definitely something that I'll remind myself of the next time I start to say, "Look what you made me do."

If you want to share this video with your friends, go for it. But if that's not your style, I don't blame you.

This article originally appeared on 02.20.15

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Heroes

Shark attacks are scary, but here are some facts to keep things in perspective.

How scared should we really be?

Shark attacks are super scary, but how common are they really?

On average sharks kill fewer than six people worldwide per year. In the United States, we average less than one death from an average of 30-40 actual shark attacks around the world per year. More people win the lottery each year than get mauled by sharks.

Another way to think about it? Animals like deer, dogs, and even cows are more likely to kill us than sharks are.

Certainly puts things in perspective, especially given sensationalized media coverage of the attacks that do unfortunately occur. At the same time, all these stats don't change the fact that shark attacks, although rare, are still scary as !@$%.

Here's the thing that doesn't get enough attention, though: Humans are killing tons of sharks.

No, scratch that. We're killing millions of tons of sharks.

Over 100 million sharks are killed every year for a variety of reasons, like finning and bycatch (getting caught in nets and other commercial fishing gear meant for fish like tuna). In the last 15 years, the populations of certain shark species have decreased by 60%-90%. In addition, the International Union for Conservation of Nature reported last year that a quarter of the world's shark and ray population is currently threatened by extinction.

If we assume a global population of 7 billion, that makes humans almost 17 million times more likely to kill a shark than to be killed by a shark each year. Yikes!

But why is this a problem? Because oceans need sharks. And we need oceans.

Killing sharks might sound good to some. No more sharks means my near-zero chance of being eaten by one becomes actual-zero, right?

Let me put it this way, sharks and the ocean have a pretty long history. In fact, sharks have been around for over 400 million years — "keystone" species, meaning that the overall health of marine ecosystems are dependent on them. They not only keep other species' populations stable and healthy, but they also contribute to the vitality of seabeds and other underwater habitats like coral reefs.

You probably have your own reasons for loving the ocean (and wanting it to stay in tip-top shape), but here's a few more to consider:

  • It provides oxygen.
  • It provides food.
  • It helps with greenhouse gas reduction.
  • It helps temperature regulation.
  • We can use it for recreational activities.
  • It's home to cute animals like sea otters...

Clearly, there's a lot more to know about sharks than their rare attacks on humans.

This great infographic from healtheo360 (by way of Visually) lays out some interesting things to keep in mind next time a shark attack makes headlines. Check it out:

Fact check time! There are two clarifications needed for the infographic above. Firstly, as you might guess, a great white shark doesn't weigh 0.5 ounces ... more like 2.5 tons, on average. And as we referenced above, the populations of certain shark species have decreased by 60% to 90%, not all sharks.

Heroes

You don't need to be a rocket scientist to do what this guy did ... to become a rocket scientist.

Not sure how to land that dream job? Astronaut Chris Hadfield offers the following advice.

Heroes

Perdue execs are probably *terrified* that this video exists. Too bad.

I wasn't expecting so much bullshit in a video about chickens.

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At first, I was horrified after watching this video. However, my second reaction was: "Wait. Is this even real?" So I set our fact-checking team on the case. Here are six things they found:


1. For the first time in 100 years, chicken is the most popular meat in America.

Mmm ... delicious chicken.



2. These "biosecure poultry operations" (or, as you or I would call them, "farms"), where most of the chickens we eat are raised, are totally inaccessible to people outside the industry. And once you see what's inside them, oh wow, does that desire for secrecy make total sense.

Yikes.



3. The conditions these chickens endure inside these "biosecure poultry operations" are cruel and inhumane. These windowless sheds hold as many as 40,000 birds. The frustration of living in such tight quarters without sunshine or fresh air causes the chickens to peck at each other, which causes injury and death.

Trigger warning: some upsetting visuals below.

That is just too many chickens.

This chicken's belly has been rubbed raw from being confined in such tight quarters.

That is not how legs are supposed to work. Nope. Nope. Nope.



4. Because Americans prefer white meat, these factory-farm chickens have been genetically modified over the years to have abnormally large breasts, which is painful for them and taxes their hearts. Many chickens end up dying of heart attacks or even lung collapse. Just look at this image from a study by Poultry Science. That's how much chickens have changed since 1957. That's not right.

Chickens are just not meant to have breasts this large.

Noooooooooooo. :(


5. And what about sanitation in these jam-packed warehouses? The birds spend much of their time sitting on litter, which contains the feces of other birds. And sometimes the litter isn't changed for years. A 2006 study found that 83% of grocery store chickens were infected with salmonella or another bacteria called campylobacter, largely due to the disgusting conditions of the sheds they live in. The chickens can't survive these unsanitary conditions on their own, so the farmers feed them large amounts of antibiotics to keep them alive.

A rare spot of empty space. Filled with feces. Yay.


6. And by the way? That "USDA Process Verified" label isn't an inspection program. It's a marketing program that allows producers to make claims and create certification logos without actually having their farms inspected or verified. I mean, if it were an actual inspection program, would what you see in the video and these images actually pass? Hope not.

So what can we do?

Voting with our dollars certainly helps, but we also must be vocal about demanding better. More importantly, we must raise awareness since most people have no clue that *this* is where the chicken they're buying comes from.

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