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Mark Shrayber

I’m a San Francisco-based writer with a love of all thing things pop culture and a background in mental health. My favorite stories to write are ones that center on relationships, identity, and how we can make the world a better place. In my free time, I watch a lot of TV ("Drag Race"!) with my husband, nap as much as possible, and enjoy recreating scenes from "Teen Witch" — the best movie ever made!

Connect with me on Twitter if you like '80s films and want to see too many pictures of my guinea pigs (sorry).

Culture

German residents bought all of town's beer before white supremacists arrive for 'Shield and Sword Festival.'

"We wanted to dry the Nazis out."

Twitter

If you're a white supremacist, I imagine drinking beer (or any other alcoholic beverage) is a nice way to relax and tune out the fact that you're a terrible person who's helping set human progress back at a rate the bubonic plague would be proud of. But for some self-professed white supremacists, it wasn't quite so easy on a June weekend in Germany back in 2019.

According to Newsweek, the hundreds of neo-Nazis who flocked to the "Shield and Sword Festival" in Ostritz found themselves uncomfortably dry when a court imposed a liquor ban at their gathering of hateful bigots who also like to listen to awful music together. The ban's aim was to prevent any violence that might erupt (you know it would...) and the police confiscated more than a thousand gallons of alcohol from those attending the weekend-long event. They even posted pictures on Twitter of the alcohol they'd removed from participants.

— (@)

But that's only half the story.

Residents of the town of Ostritz, who've had to deal with the bigots before (they threw the same festival last year on Hitler's birthday), knew that the ban wouldn't stop the festival-goers from trying to obtain more alcohol while in town. So the townspeople got together a week before the festival and devised a plan which would truly make the white supremacists focus on how terrible neo-Nazi music is: They bought up the entire town's beer supply.

"We wanted to dry the Nazis out," Georg Salditt, a local activist, told reporters. "We thought, if an alcohol ban is coming, we'll empty the shelves at the Penny [supermarket]."

"For us it's important to send the message from Ostritz that there are people here who won't tolerate this, who say 'we have different values here, we're setting an example..." an unidentified local woman told ZDF Television.

At the same time the festival was going on, residents also staged two counter-protests and put on a "Peace Festival" to drive home the point that bigotry wasn't welcome. If the festival is held in the same town again next year, ticket-buyers should be aware that Ostritz isn't playing around when it says that white supremacists aren't welcome.

There's some good news, too: Aside from the fact that residents aren't afraid to send the message that they're intolerant of intolerance, attendance to the far-right music festival has drastically decreased in the past year. In 2018, 1,200 people attended, according to the BBC. This year? Approximately 500-600. Here's hoping the festival won't have a return engagement next year.

This article originally appeared on 6.24.19

From Your Site Articles

How to be an ally to someone dealing with PTSD

An estimated 8 percent of the population will experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in their lifetime.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Helping those affected by PTSD.

Up to 8% of the American population will experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in their lifetime, according to the National Center for PTSD.

As much as people might not want to discuss it, traumatic experiences are not rare. In fact, recent data suggests that 60% of men and 50% of women will experience at least one traumatic event in their lifetime.

For a long time, it was believed that only those who had served in the military could develop PTSD, but that's simply not true.

The reality is that, while it may be more prevalent among certain groups,PTSD can affect anyone who's experienced a traumatic event. It's important to be able to speak about it clearly and openly, without fear or condemnation, in order to promote understanding and healing.

Virtual Reality, therapy, reliving trauma

Cognitive behavioral therapy is one piece of the puzzle.

Photo by Lucrezia Carnelos on Unsplash

Today, more treatments exist for PTSD than ever before.

The medical and psychological communities are finding new and effective ways of treating the disorder. For example, therapies involving virtual reality and paintball have shown to be promising in treating veterans. Both are methods where an individual is exposed to the triggers of their symptoms in a safe and controllable way.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (where one learns to think more realistically and logically) and eye movement desensitization reprocessing (in which an individual relives the traumatic experience in small doses and while remaining firmly in reality) can also be effective in treating the disorder. But therapy, no matter how effective, is only one piece of the puzzle.

Helping those with PTSD must also include compassion. Here's how to be an ally.

It's likely that you know someone who's experienced PTSD. It's also likely that you didn't know how to think or react to the disorder.

Confusion (and even judgment) are normal responses. After all, most of us aren't trained therapists. But you don't have to be a mental health professional to help a friend or loved one who's experiencing PTSD.

There's no one right thing to say to someone who's experiencing the disorder. The best thing you can do is just be there. While it may seem helpful to offer wisdom or offer suggestions for how your loved ones can "move on" or "get over it," that's actually counter-intuitive.

Helpful therapy is important.

Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

Those living with PTSD are already under a great deal of pressure. Suggesting therapy is helpful, but trying to make your loved one see "the good side of things" or "remember that this is all part of a bigger plan" is likely to create even more guilt and stress rather than prompt action. PTSD is painful and it's serious, but it's never a sign of weakness.

Respecting boundaries is also important. It's up to the individual when they choose to talk about their trauma. Nobody should force it or take it personally if they don't.

Show up, listen, care. These things are enough. More importantly, they're important steps toward ending stigma and helping our loved ones heal.

This article originally appeared on 06.27.18

mental health

Science

The world's monster plastic problem could be thwarted by mutant bacteria

It sounds like something straight out of a comic book, but the prospects are very real.

CockrellSchool/Youtube

The world could be saved by bacteria

Plastic has been taking over our world for a while now.

You may not think too much about it, but plastic is a global crisis. A recent rundown in The National Review reveals that more than 8 million tons of plastic is regularly deposited in the ocean. It's killing sea life, endangering coral reefs, and affecting the fish we eat because of the toxins they ingest.

So much for a happy, carefree day, right?

But there's some good news on the horizon: Scientists have found a mutant bacteria that eats plastic.

Of course, this mutant bacteria isn't exactly like the kind of mutants you see in movies and comic books. Although, I'll admit I initially thought, "Good! Someone's finally getting Storm to handle this whole climate change business." How cool would that be?

So maybe Professor X isn't coming out of hiding to help us with our global problems, but the reality of this news is just as exciting. According to The Guardian, an international team of scientists have mutated a bacteria's enzyme to fully break down plastic bottles.

The plastic-eating bacteria was first discovered in 2016 in Japan. Researchers studying plastic pollution — specifically polyethylene terephthalate or PET — discovered a colony of bacteria that fed on the plastic, breaking down strong chemical bonds as a means of survival. The bacteria back then, though, was eating through highly crystallized PET — the material plastic bottles are made of — at a slow rate. Researchers knew it would take a while for the bacteria to evolve into the environmental savior we need.

Scientists started studying the bacteria's evolution and discovered they'd unintentionally made it stronger.

"It's alive! It's alive!" they screamed. That's how I imagine the discovery of this mutated bacteria enzyme went, with all the blinking lights and klaxons of a superhero movie. That's what happens in labs, right?

Well, that's how it should have gone. Because this is exciting! After viewing a 3D model of the bacteria, scientists discovered that small modifications could make its enzymes much more effective. The BBC reports that PET takes "hundreds of years" to break down on its own, but with the modified enzyme, called PETase, the same process begins within a matter of days. The enzyme breaks down PET to its original building blocks, meaning that the plastic can be reused again without losing quality.

recycling, reusable, plastic bottles, PET, enzymes

A large blocked cube made up of plastic bottles.

Image via Pixabay.

Here's why this is important: You may think plastic bottles are recycled into new plastic bottles and that every bottle you drink from had a rich and beautiful life before it came to you, but that's not true. In 2017, BuzzFeed reported that Coca-Cola sourced only 7% of its plastic from recycled material and only 6% of Nestle's bottles were made from recycled plastic. The rest of all that single-use plastic being dumped is turned into other fibers like carpet and clothing.

This is because plastics degrade as they're recycled. "Bottles become fleeces, then carpets, after which they often end up in landfill," the BBC notes.

But PETase makes it possible to use PET in its original form over and over again.

We're only at the beginning of this development.

On one hand, PETase could bring us closer to true recycling (producing much less plastic and using much less fossil fuel) than ever before. But the research has only started. The breaking down process still needs to be made faster, so it could be years before PETase or anything like it is used on an industrial scale.

While scientists keep working to make PETase a worldwide plastic problem-solver, we can all do our part by reducing our reliance on plastic. Little things — like a reusable bottle for the gym, keeping metal utensils at work, and reusable bags and totes for trips to the store — can help keep the Earth clean, save animals, and make us a little less reliant on mutants (er, mutant enzymes) to save the day.

Curious to learn more? Watch the video below:

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Identity

A gay teen couple is urged to kiss by 'drunk bros' and it's actually a very sweet story

Not necessarily something you'd expect from a town on the Jersey Shore.

Canva

A Jersey Shore unexpected encounter with 'drunk bros.'

Seaside Heights is a town on the Jersey Shore: a place synonymous with Snookie, The Situation, and a heaping helping of fist-pumping.

So you probably wouldn't be judged for thinking it's not a place of overwhelming inclusivity. In this case, though, you'd be wrong.

Let's set the scene: It's a spring night during prom season and deliriously happy high schoolers are sauntering down the boardwalk on their way home from a night they'll never forget.

As couple after couple passes by one particular rooftop bar, some bros overlooking the scene are screaming at couples to kiss. And then there's a pause.

Walking down the street is a gay couple in matching tuxedos (adorable). They're holding hands (adorable).

But here's the thing — as openly gay "Good Morning America" producer Mike Del Moro noted on Twitter (where he live-tweeted this occurrence), they're doing it in a town "where — not so long ago — young men would shout the word 'f****t' out their car window as we'd stroll along the boardwalk."

Del Moro, who was on the boardwalk with his mother and boyfriend, was instinctively nervous for the couple.

That makes total sense. Even in an ultra-liberal center like San Francisco, I've been harassed for holding hands with my husband. So in a place like Seaside Heights, Del Moro definitely had cause for concern.

What happened next, though, was a heartwarming step in the direction of progress.

Let's let Del Moro's tweets do the talking:

\u201cLast night, while out for Mother\u2019s Day with our families (read: getting some late-night ice cream because treat yourself!) we noticed a group of rowdy bros gathered on a rooftop bar obnoxiously yelling \u201cKISS HER!\u201d in unison at every apparent couple that passed by.\u201d
— Michael Del Moro (@Michael Del Moro) 1526142620

\u201cIt\u2019s prom season here, so at that time of night you\u2019ll see high schoolers in their formal attire. As we walked by the rooftop bros, an adorable teenage gay couple passed us in perfectly fitting midnight bue tuxes, matching pink ties, holding hands.\u201d
— Michael Del Moro (@Michael Del Moro) 1526142620

\u201cI looked at Alec (my boyfriend), my mom, my sister, and stopped to make sure the couple was okay as they walked by... worried that something might happen. The rooftop crew quickly switched from \u201cKISS HER!\u201d To \u201cKISS HIM!\u201d\u201d
— Michael Del Moro (@Michael Del Moro) 1526142620

\u201cAfter some hesitation, the young men kissed... and let me tell you: both the rooftop crew and everyone else on the boardwalk just went absolutely wild for them and we all breathed a sigh of relief.\u201d
— Michael Del Moro (@Michael Del Moro) 1526142620

Del Moro makes it clear this occurrence doesn't mean that "everything's fine."

It's just one instance. But it is movement. And, as Del Moro notes, "it's an encouraging moment for young LGBTQ folks out there."

For the teens at the center of the story, the moment was worth every second.

You know how the internet works, so it won't surprise you that the happy couple was immediately found, identified, and lauded for being out in a place where being authentically yourself can become dangerous.

They're Theodore Vidal and Colin Beyers, boyfriends who couldn't be more happy that things are changing in their town.

gay couple, heartwarming surprise, teens, prom

This Teen Couple Walking Home From Prom Got A Pretty Heartwarming Surprise.

www.buzzfeednews.com

Speaking to BuzzFeed, Vidal, who revealed that he had been bullied after he first came out, said their encounter with the strangers on the rooftop was completely unexpected. "It was so surprising that these guys were supporting us," Vidal said. "Especially after what I've gone through.""It's an area where you normally would get discriminated against and the fact that those guys cheered us on was shocking," Beyers told BuzzFeed. "It's one of those small victories that makes the hard times worth it."Speaking with me over direct messages, Vidal said that all the positive attention had made him and his boyfriend feel "welcome in the world," which is not always the case for LGBTQ youth. "It's made such an impact on me."This is a reminder that things are getting better in small ways every day. Admittedly, the story — however heartwarming — is still pretty problematic. Quick PSA to all dudes on roofs: Please stop screaming at people to kiss each other. Catcalling is a bad idea regardless of why you're doing it, and there's no reason to put undue pressure on young people of any gender to kiss each other in public. And while this moment turned out great, it could have definitely been awkward or even upsetting. That said, we shouldn't let those imperfections take away from the fact that this story proves LGBTQ acceptance is making real strides against toxic masculinity and bigotry.Personally, I'm looking forward to the day when gay couples can walk around without being jeered at or celebrated. In the meantime, though, this feels like a step in the right direction."It's moments like what happened at Seaside that give me hope and make all the hardships worth it," Beyers told me. "It's funny, because we really didn't do anything; all we did was be ourselves in front of some drunk people." Hey, that kind of bravery is often more than enough.This article originally appeared on 05.14.18.

best of humanity

Identity

High school senior's viral yearbook quote is a masterclass on self acceptance

It's poignant on so many levels.

Photo by Jasmine Coro on Unsplash

Remember when we had to write yearbook quotes?

Remember your senior yearbook quote?

I remember mine. Like you (probably), I spent weeks wracking my very teenage brain about something special and clever to put down.

And then I had it: My school's quote had to do with what students' future plans were and, thinking myself particularly smart and charming, I'd written, "Mark plans to outwit cartoon animals." Not that great, right?

But it got even worse. Because my handwriting was so bad, the person in charge couldn't read what the heck I'd written. And so I spent the next two weeks trying to explain to anyone who'd listen that "Mark plans to go out with cartoon animals" was an embarrassing typo that did not at all speak to my social interests.

Sometimes yearbook moments don't turn out right. But one student recently got her clever quote completely perfect. She nailed it.

I hesitate to use the word "internet icon" more than once or twice a month — they come and go so fast! — but if anyone deserves the title, it's Krysta Montoya, an 18-year-old from New Mexico who went all in on her quote. I promise you, it is very good.

pbs.twimg.com

If you're not familiar with "Grey's Anatomy," it's that show about the hospital you probably shouldn't go to because everyone's too busy fighting and staring at each other sexily to actually save lives. (Sorry, but it's true.)

And because it's so rife with drama, this heavily coded message could be about any number of truly fantastic events that have happened in the show's many seasons.

Does it refer to the time that Christina Ricci unexpectedly showed up as a guest star? Or the time there was a ghost haunting the hospital? Or the time — OK, I might be remembering this incorrectly — someone actually stole a heart so she could keep the man she loved alive?

This quote is about so much more than that. And it's actually a beautiful message of self-love and acceptance.

No, you don't need to go through the entire series for the answer (could be fun, though). After people started asking, Montoya revealed on Twitter what the line actually meant.

And here's what I mean about it being iconic: It's meaningful, but it's also sassy AF, which is what the kids are saying these days, I think.

\u201cJust because everyone keeps asking me what my quote is. Here ya go.\u201d
— Krysta Ann\ud83e\udee0 (@Krysta Ann\ud83e\udee0) 1525116026

The scene is one in which character Erica Hahn realizes she's a lesbian. But Montoya wasn't using the quote to come out — or, as "Queer Eye" culture expert Karamo Brown would say, "let people in." Montoya, who often posts tweets of herself and her girlfriend, has been open about her sexuality since her freshman year.

But an opportunity to reaffirm herself using her favorite show? She wasn't going to let that pass by.

"I chose this as my quote because I feel some people do not accept who I am. I just wanted to basically make a bold statement," she told Business Insider. "I've lost some friends over my sexuality, but my family has always supported me."

The response to the quote has been overwhelming. And Montoya's using the opportunity to spread the word about living your best life.

Overall, Montoya is surprised by the reaction she's gotten. She says that she chose to code her message so school officials wouldn't cut it from the yearbook, but she didn't really expect anyone else to care. "A lot of friends I don’t talk to came out and told me how cool and awesome it was!" Montoya tells Upworthy.

As for her peers who may not be so accepting? Montoya isn't bothered. Though she told BuzzFeed that her statement was bold in that it threw subtle shade at those who have never accepted her sexuality — some, she'd said, told her she'd be dating a guy by senior year — she believes that one can't live and die by the acceptance of others.

"I don't really need anyone's acceptance, just my family's," she says. "I'm happy with who I am. If my peers don't believe so, that’s their choice."

And she's got a message for others who might be struggling with their own identities or figuring out how to be themselves: "Live your life, be happy," she says. "You are not living in this world to make anyone else happy but yourself. You deserve to be you, and you deserve to be the happy version of you."

Man, that would make a great senior quote, too.

This article originally appeared on 05.03.18

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Man predicts marriage in high school yearbook quote - Upworthy ›

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Joy

A wholesome handful of Lin-Manuel Miranda tweets that are literal rays of sunshine

His joy is infectious across all mediums, it seems.

Image by Gate Skidmore/Wikemedia Commons.

Lin-Manuel Miranda at the San Diego Comic Con, 2019.

Lin-Manuel Miranda is a ray of light in a world that can sometimes (OK, often) feel like it's shrouded in darkness.

The award-winning multi-hyphenate — He sings! He acts! He writes! He directs! He inspires you to do better while reminding you that you're good enough! — is always there to wish you a good morning and a good night.

Miranda uses his tweets to share inspiration, kindness, and encouragement to the masses.

If you haven't heard of the person, let me introduce you to some good vibes and positive mojo.

It's nice to wake up to a message designed to help you feel better. He encourages us to put aside those unproductive thoughts and get into a good day.

\u201cGmorning.\nYour worst fears about yourself only needs a drop of attention and sunlight to grow quick and wreck your whole shit.\nClear away those weeds.\nTake the time to harvest your strengths and your joys.\nWater and sunlight to the best in you.\u201d
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin-Manuel Miranda) 1526559202

Having a restless night? Miranda will inspire you to dream big as you sleep — and then turn those dreams into reality upon waking.

\u201cGnight!\nAcross centuries and continents, \nall of history conspired to bring you to where you are.\nAnd THIS day in your life was JUST the beginning of a longer story, \nthe first pen stroke of something new.\nTomorrow, the second.\nRest up!\u201d
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin-Manuel Miranda) 1526356421

He always wants you to be yourself.

\u201cGood morning. \nYou are perfectly cast in your life. I can't imagine anyone but you in the role. Go play.\u201d
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin-Manuel Miranda) 1461932958

And to be kind to yourself.

\u201cThe challenge for folks like us is not giving everything we have, but remembering to save something for ourselves. \nGood morning.\u201d
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin-Manuel Miranda) 1408537116

He helps us remember to recognize that anxiety, sadness, and difficult feelings are normal and valid.

\u201cThose knots in your stomach won\u2019t go away on their own.\nSome are Gordian, and require a lil work each day. \nSome will dissolve upon closer inspection.\nLike the day, they are yours to unravel, at your pace.\nGmorning!\u201d
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin-Manuel Miranda) 1515589677

\u201cGmorning. \nBreathe deep. \nThat hitch in your breath is a record scratch.\nThat throbbing in your temple is the bass, and you control the volume knob.\nThe scars in your mind and your heart are grooves that run deep.\nYOUR music. YOUR heart. YOUR life. \nYou got the aux cord.\nBump it\u201d
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin-Manuel Miranda) 1526476564

He reminds us to work hard, never give up, and recognize how far we've come.

\u201cGood morning. \nYou will have to say no to things to say yes to your work. \nIt will be worth it. \nThis is from 2009.\u201d
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin-Manuel Miranda) 1476192565

\u201cWhat I was doing on New Years Eve 2011. The work is hard but it is worth it. Don\u2019t give up.\u201d
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin-Manuel Miranda) 1514751588

He knows the value of taking a break to enjoy life ...

\u201cGmorning.\nTake your SWEET ASS TIME today.\n*But...but..."\nTAKE A BREATH AND SAVOR THE SUN ON YOUR FACE.\n*Sound nice, but tests/kids/health/real life*\nOh my God it's just A MORNING TWEET, WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING ME ON THIS ONE BREATH, TAKE A BREATH AND LOOK UP FOR A SECOND\u201d
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin-Manuel Miranda) 1525181113

... investing time in others ...

\u201cGmorning. \nMake deposits toward someone else's happiness today. \nCall a friend, ease a burden, donate time/$/space.\nYou'll \u263a\ufe0f.\nPromise.\u201d
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin-Manuel Miranda) 1474465581

... and supporting causes that matter.

\u201cProud to support women's rights with the whole fam in \ud83c\uddec\ud83c\udde7\n#womensmarchlondon\u201d
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin-Manuel Miranda) 1485008661

\u201cOkay, here's the deal:\nYou give whatever you can spare.\n@Google's gonna match ALL YOUR donations up to $2 Million.\nIt ALL goes to recovery relief for small businesses in Puerto Rico, via @hispanicfed & @mercycorps\nPresente? Presente. \ud83d\udc47\ud83c\udffd\ud83c\uddf5\ud83c\uddf7\nhttps://t.co/BuLIsModO3\u201d
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin-Manuel Miranda) 1528461357

He recognizes that life can be fleeting ...

\u201cGmorning.\nTell 'em you love 'em while they're here.\nTell 'em you love 'em while you're here.\nTell 'em you love 'em while they're here.\nTell 'em you love 'em while you're here.\nTell 'em you love 'em while they're here.\nTell 'em you love 'em while you're here.\nOh, love you.\nVamos.\u201d
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin-Manuel Miranda) 1527596846

... and that the world is full of possibilities!

\u201cGnight. \nThere are FAFILLIONS of people here.\nMILLIONS and PILLIONS, as my son says.\nAnd the ones you meet tomorrow may change your life, or smile at you on the bus, or make you \ud83d\ude0d\nThe possibilities, my goodness, \nlet\u2019s rest up\u201d
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin-Manuel Miranda) 1528426513

Remember that no matter how it feels, you're never ever alone.

\u201cGmorning!\nWoke up achy & sad? Not alone.\nWoke up w/purpose & joy? Not alone. \nAny way you slice it, you're not alone. \nLet's go\u201d
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin-Manuel Miranda) 1513164782

You are loved. You matter.

\u201cGmorning.\nYOU ARE SO LOVED AND WE LIKE HAVING YOU AROUND.\n*ties one end of this sentence to your heart, the other end to everyone who loves you, even the ones you haven't heard from for awhile*\n*checks knots*\nTHERE. STAY PUT, YOU.\n\u2764\ufe0f\u2764\ufe0f\u2764\ufe0f\u2764\ufe0f\u2764\ufe0f\u201d
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin-Manuel Miranda) 1528459156

You know what? Sometime you just need to hear that.

And if you need to hear it on a daily basis (probably! I do!), you're going to want to follow Lin-Manuel Miranda on Twitter. It'll make your morning, post-lunch slump, and night.

This article originally appeared on 06.08.18

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pop culture

Health

Beloved gamer icon has perfect analogy explaining why people stay in abusive relationships

When people learn of an abusive relationship, the common question that surfaces is "If it was so bad, why didn't you just leave?"

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Cosplay star Chloe Dykstra says she endured 'long-term abuse' from ex-boyfriend

Chloe Dykstra has spoken out about the painful reality of being in an abusive relationship.

In a post on Medium in June 2018, beloved gamer, actress, model, and cosplayer Dykstra wrote about the harrowing experience of being in a long-term abusive relationship.

"One day, I met someone at a convention and ended up falling for a man almost 20 years my senior," Dykstra wrote. "It wasn't the first time I'd found myself in a relationship with an older man; I've always joked about my daddy issues, and thought that with age came stability and wisdom. Welp."

From there, Dykstra details the horrors of that relationship. Within the first two weeks, she was isolated from her friends, given a curfew, and told not to speak in public.

Quickly, the relationship turned into one of fear — "I was terrified to piss him off — so I did what he said," she wrote — and then became assaultive. Dykstra revealed she developed an eating disorder. Then, when she suffered an ectopic pregnancy and either had to have surgery or risk death, she said her fear of having to tell her partner she was pregnant was stronger than her fear of death.

domestic abuse, celebrity, allegations, shocking

Cosplay star Chloe Dykstra says she endured 'long-term abuse' from ex-boyfriend

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Dykstra is shining an important light on why people stay in abusive relationships.

When people learn of an abusive relationship, the common question that surfaces is "If it was so bad, why didn't you just leave?" The answer to this question is complex in general and often has nothing to do with a person's strength. Often, it doesn't even seem like there's a choice.

Dykstra's answer to this question paints a painful picture of why escaping an abusive relationship can feel impossible:

"I believed that, to borrow an analogy from a friend, if I kept digging I would find water. And sometimes I did. Just enough to sustain me. And when you're dying of thirst, that water is the best water you'll ever drink. When you're alienated from your friends, there's no one to tell you that there's a drinking fountain 20 feet away. And when your self-worth reaches such depths after years of being treated like you're worthless, you might find you think you deserve that sort of treatment, and no one else will love you."

Her story has clearly resonated with people far and wide.

Dykstra's main goals were to create closure and warn others about how surprisingly common abuse can be. According to The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, more than 10 million people are abused by an intimate partner annually. On an average day, approximately 20,000 calls are placed to domestic violence hotlines.

The stigma of being trapped in an abusive relationship is slowly disappearing. The overwhelming support Dykstra has been shown is a sign that progress is moving in the right direction — but there's so much work yet to to be done.

You can reach the NCADV in the link below:

domestic violence, NCADV, public coalition, survivors, victims

NCADV | National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

ncadv.org

NCADV is the voice of victims and survivors. We are the catalyst for changing society to have zero tolerance for domestic violence. We do this by affecting public policy, increasing understanding of the impact of domestic violence, and providing programs and education that drive that change.

This article originally appeared on 06.15.18

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relationships