upworthy

Evan Porter

Kids

A 4th state just passed laws protecting 'child influencers' from their own parents

A former 'Youtube star' had brutal words for these parents in her testimony.

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New laws aim to protect teen and child influencers' money. It's a start.

In recent years, some big questions have popped up about the kids you see on social media. When an influencer posts a photo with their children or an adorable candid family video, it might not ring many alarm bells. But what if their kids are constantly an integral part of their every day content? What if those influencers rely on the cuteness of their kids, or the hilarious things they say, to drive engagement of their content? Content they earn money for?

In the worst cases, teens and even toddlers are not just a prop in their parents' videos, but they are positioned as the "stars" of their own social media accounts. Child influencers. I remember once seeing a shocking post about a 3-year-old girl who was "excited" to tour the country and meet all of her fans. My own daughter is that age and only cares about cartoons and mac and cheese, so it's ridiculously easy to see the parents pulling the strings behind the scenes. But social media is big business, and big money.

Finally, something is being done to protect these kids. Utah just became the 4th state to pass simple legislation designed to ensure children are at least being fairly compensated for their work online.


influencers, social media, screentime, youtube, tiktok, instagram, children, families, parentsUtah is letting kids delete content they appeared in when they turn 18. Photo by Ethan De Long on Unsplash

The new law dictates that any family earning more than $150,000 per year from online content that includes their children set up a trust fund for them, and offers guidance via a formula to calculate how much the kids are owed for their appearances. It may not end up being much, but at least the kids will be compensated somewhat for their own likeness.

Most fascinatingly, the Utah law also gives kids the right to have any content they appeared in deleted when they turn 18. That is a major win, and it gives kids some agency back when they become adults capable of making their own informed decisions.

Other states with similar protections include California, Illinois, and Minnesota — with legislation currently being drafted and debated in many more places. The monetary protections are a good start, but more will definitely need to be done to reign in parents putting kids on the Internet without their permission. The exposure, fame, and messages can do a lifetime of harm to young people.

The passing of the law hinged on testimony by former child YouTube "star" Shari Franke, who was forced to appear on her family's channel 8 Passengers as a kid. Her mother was later arrested for child abuse.

“I want to be clear: there’s never, ever a good reason for posting your children online for money or fame," Franke said to lawmakers. "There’s no such thing as a moral or ethical family vlogger. ... The only people harmed by child influencer laws are the parents exploiting their children.”

She called being a child influencer "24/7 labor" and has urged for stronger protections that go beyond just setting aside money earned.

"How do we determine how much a child should get paid for appearing in family content?" she said. "What price is worth giving up your childhood?

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The line between using your kids as props to monetize and genuinely sharing moments from your family's life is thin and grey. This area of social media is uncharted territory, and we don't even know the full impact of how growing up in the online spotlight (and not by their own free will) will affect kids. There will always be loopholes in legislation meant to protect kids. Hollywood has been trying to get it right for nearly 100 years, starting with the first law that gave child actors some control of ownership over their own wages.

It's great that Utah is taking a first step, and hopefully many more parts of the country follow suit soon.

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Love Stories

Researchers have been secretly studying who gets "the ick" and what it might say about you

"The ick" has been around for ages but never measured and analyzed. Until now.

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The ick: A sudden revulsion to a romantic partner over trivial behavior.

The first time I heard of "the ick" came from watching the hit Netflix show Nobody Wants This. In the show, Kristen Bell's character suddenly develops the ick for Adam Brody's character (whom she's dating) after a series of relatively minor faux pas as he's trying to impress her parents. He wears a cheesy sports coat and makes one-too-many corny jokes, to be precise. She suddenly finds herself repulsed by him, and insists that no one has "ever come back from the ick."

Adam Brody's character eventually wins her back over with an impressive display of emotional maturity, but it was a fascinating sequence nonetheless. It brought the term to the attention of a lot of viewers and catapulted it even higher into the zeitgeist.

A new study in the journal Personality and Individual Differences aims to shed light on this phenomenon, and the people who experience it.


dating, relationships, break ups, divorce, the ick, dating studyThe Ick even made it to JeopardyGiphy

For starters, let's define "the ick," or rather, let the authors of the study do it:

"The 'ick' 'is a sudden and visceral aversion to a romantic partner, often triggered by behaviors or characteristics that superficially signal incompatibility or low mate quality."

In other words, it's when a person says or does something that really skeeves you out or turns you off. It sounds a little silly, but the ick can be extremely powerful and tough for people to shake. That's because, as the authors note, whatever the behavior is that icked you out might signal that you're not a good match for this person, or that they're just a low quality partner in general. So in a sense, it's an evolutionary protection mechanism.

It seems extremely harsh that our bodies would be trained to reject partners at the slightest misstep, but in evolutionary terms, it makes a lot of sense:

"A false-positive error—accepting an incompatible partner—can drain resources, reduce reproductive success, and carry long-term relational consequences, whereas a false-negative error—rejecting a compatible partner—results in a missed opportunity but poses fewer immediate risks," the study says.

So if the guy you were into shows up in a fedora one day, it's probably best to show him the door posthaste. Better safe than sorry.

What causes the ick?


- YouTubewww.youtube.com

It's usually brought on by things that, on the surface, seem pretty unimportant. We're not talking about cheating, emotional abuse, or being a bad person. It's much subtler than that. The researchers use lots of examples from TV to make their point:

"In Seinfeld ... Jerry is disgusted by his date's 'manly' hands; and in Sex and the City ... Carrie is revolted by a lover after learning he wrote her a love song."

But where the actual studying part of the study comes in is that the authors began inhaling TikTok videos where users discussed their experiences getting the ick, and they began rigorously categorizing the responses.

The real-life examples are even more nit-picky, like someone who licks their fingers before turning a page. Girls "tripping in public." A guy wearing jorts, or bending over too far and accidentally showing his butt crack. Or, in Adam Brody's case, wearing a sports coat. In many cases these simple (and hilarious!) things are death knells for a relationship once the ick sets in.

The researchers broke ick-inducing behaviors down into a few buckets: Gender incongruence, public embarrassment, or physical appearance. Believe it or not, physical appearance was not the most common! Gender incongruence — guys doing girly things, girls doing manly things — was the biggest category of ick-driving behavior. One girl said the guy she was dating gave her "the ick" when he laid his head on her shoulder affectionately.

Wow...

What getting "the ick" might say about you

disgust, inside out, the ick, dating, relationships, break ups, studies, scientific researchPrime candidate for The IckGiphy

The next part of the study involved recruiting participants who were willing to answer questions about their own experiences with this phenomenon. After thorough interviews, researchers narrowed down three traits that seem to indicate people are more likely to get "the ick,":

Narcissism. People who like to be the center of attention or otherwise display narcissistic tendencies were highly correlated in this study.

Perfectionism. Not perfectionism of the self, mind you! But people who scored highly on questions related to holding the people around them to exceptionally high standards were more prone to "the ick."

Disgust sensitivity. People were more likely to have experienced "the ick" if they answered strongly on questions relating to feeling disgust even outside of a dating or interpersonal sense. People who get exceptionally grossed out by disgusting things are more likely to experience revulsion at minor behaviors in a romantic partner.

Any of those things sound like you? If you're feeling judged, don't. Remember, getting icked-out by a partner isn't necessarily a bad thing. It could be an evolutionary response trying to protect you from making a bad choice (like having a baby with a weirdo). Though it's also important to remember this biological strategy also discards a lot of potentially great partners, so listen to your ick wisely — you might just want to give fedora guy another chance, after all.

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Family

A 7-year-old asked to do more chores for the most adorable and heartbreaking reason

Dad figured "he wanted more Lego or something." Dad was wrong.

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Kids will act out in interesting ways when they want more attention.

Humans rarely say exactly what they mean or feel. With kids it's even moreso. They don't have the words and wisdom and experience to express the complicated emotions they might be feeling. So they reach out, or sometimes act out, in other ways.

Getting in trouble at school, not eating enough, throwing tantrums. Those are the tried-and-true classics. But sometimes kids show other, more unusual signs that they want or need something.

That might be what happened to one dad, who said his 7-year-old son recently came to him with a strange request: He wanted to do more chores.


kids, chores, cleaning, household, hygiene, parenting, dads, fatherhoodWhat kid would sign up for more chores?!Canva Photos

Yes, that's right, more chores. What kind of kid asks for more chores? The dad took his story to social media in a post on r/Daddit:

"I work a lot, and don't see my 3 kids that much during the week. I usually take them on fun amazing adventures on weekends in order to make up for it.

"Today my son said he wanted to do [chores[ to earn some money. I figured he wanted more Lego or something. He was talking to me more and he said he wanted to give me all the money he earns so I don't have to go to work anymore.

"It's really cute and heart melting, and also makes me feel like I'm a bad dad because him and his sisters don't get to spend enough time with me. Also I'm having trouble making him realize that all the money he gets from 'chores' comes out of what I make at work, so no matter how hard he works it would just make me go back to where I was beforehand."

It's so innocent and hilarious that the kid doesn't realize when he gets paid for doing chores, it comes from his dad's wallet, thus defeating the entire purpose. But it's a beautiful sentiment and the kind of thing that wrecks parents emotionally, both positively and negatively.

Fellow dads had a mixed, but emotional, response.

parenting, dads, fatherhood, men, mens health, mental health, kidsHow it feels to be a working parentGiphy

Some urged the original poster that his son was crying out for more attention, and that he'd regret not heeding the call:

"Id rather live just getting by and spending a ton of time with my toddlers, than working 60+ hours a week and never seeing them. Time is fleeting ... Take those 10 years and work a little less, come home early a couple days a week. Use your PTO. you'll regret missing their childhood."

"Obligatory Daddit-PSA: 'The only people who will remember you worked late are your children'"

"Here’s some tough love for you ... I don’t know your financial situation or occupation or even how many hours you work. Your kiddos basically throwing out a plead to spend more time with him, and probably the other 2 as well."

"Your son misses you. Hang out with him and your other kids, even if you're all doing chores together."

Others offered a supportive pat on the back for working hard to provide:

"That’s a punch in the gut. You’re not a bad dad just because you are working. (Unless you’re not spending time with them when you’re not working). Make sure he knows you love him and be grateful for his wanting to give you a gift. Then make some special time for him and try to give him regular, predictable amounts of your time."

"OP: You’re doing great - this means your kids want to spend time with you. My oldest had a sentiment like this after my wife was forced to stop working - she wanted to help."

"Hot take - but I think you’re killing it. He’ll see this very differently when he’s older, retrospectively. You’re doing what dads gotta do sometimes and getting bread. He’ll respect you for it."

There's a running theme of frustration among modern dads. We're trying to fill multiple roles, both the classic provider/protector role that our fathers and grandfathers played, but also a more nurturing and involved role in our children's lives.


fatherhood, men, dads, parenting, parenthood, children, kids, familyUnfortunately, modern fatherhood isn't all frolicking on the beach Photo by lauren lulu taylor on Unsplash

Dads are spending more time with their kids than ever, not content to sit on the sidelines for doctor's visits and playdates and day-to-day care. They're also working more than ever. Yes, technically working hours have been on a downward trend since the industrial revolution, but the data fails to account for lengthy commutes and the "always on" nature of many modern jobs. I don't know many parents who don't frequently catch up on work at night or respond to emails during family dinner time.

You don't have to have a Phd to see that the math doesn't math — there just aren't enough hours in the day to do it all.

For what it's worth, moms are facing a similar but even more extreme struggle. It's why parents are in big trouble according to the Surgeon General. Unfortunately, there's no easy answer. Dads like the original poster of this thread need to earn money and hold onto benefits like healthcare for their families. But their kids need them, too. For now, we're all just doing our best to try to do it all.

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Mom has harsh reality check for people who want to see fewer 'iPad kids'

Fine, no more screens! But you're not gonna like the alternative.

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Should parents use iPads to help kids stay quiet at restaurants?

You can't walk into any family restaurant these days without seeing it: families happily chowing down on their meals while the youngest kids (and sometimes the older ones, too) watch shows on iPads or play games on a phone. Yes, we are living in the generation of the iPad kid, and people have thoughts.

Yes, the criticism of modern parents comes fast and strong. Accusations that "parents don't parent anymore," and that they're lazy and happy to rot their kids' brain are thrown around easily. We've seen the data that too much screentime can be incredibly harmful for kids and young people, leading to sleep problems, bad behavior, poor academic performance, and more. So, there's definitely a growing movement that urges those parents at restaurants: Get those kids off the iPad!

One mom is going viral for her opinion: If we want to see fewer iPad kids, we have to be more accommodating of annoying kid behaviors.

kids, ipads, screen time, restaurants, parentingiPads help entertain kids and also give parents a needed breather. But there is a such thing as too much. Photo by Patricia Prudente on Unsplash

"If you all want to see fewer iPad babies, you are going to have to increase your tolerance for childish nonsense outside in the world, okay?" says mom Jordan Simone in a TikTok video. "If you don't want to see little kids, toddlers, on their iPads at dinner, you're going to have to accept the fact that for a while, they're going to be loud, obnoxious, even disruptive to what you at a separate table are up to."

The oft-quoted line goes something like this: Kids should learn how to behave in public! Simone has thoughts on that one, too:

"Kids can't learn how to behave in public unless they're in public getting those experiences. And that learning curve is going to be inconvenient and uncomfortable for you."

So, she's saying in a culture that absolutely loves to complain about the presence of children almost everywhere, asking parents to put the iPads away means restaurants, planes, movie theaters, and other public spaces are going to have to get a lot more annoying. Watch the whole rant here:

@jordxn.simone

the way yall act people either give their kids screens or start putting their hands on them, and frankly myself and others like the first option more. #kid #toddler #toddlers #ipad #restaurant

Interestingly, the reaction to the video was not overwhelming agreement...even from parents.

I thought this take would be a slam dunk with exhausted parents who are tired of the criticism. But some people chimed in and took issue:

"The problem is parents ARENT teaching their kids how to behave in public. It’s a default to hand them a screen before putting in any actual effort."

"Idk the teacher has 20 of them and they deal with them screaming. Interact with your kid instead of expecting them to entertain themselves at the table."

"My mom’s strategy when we were kids is if we started misbehaving we got a warning, if we didn’t start then we got taken outside until we were able to calm down. So actions and consequences!"

"parents should accept that they will need to constantly be engaged & interacting w/their kids. your life of ease ended when you decided on parenthood. they are now the priority, not your convenience"

But overall, parents appreciated Simone calling out the catch-22:


leave it to beaver, family, parenting, kids, dinnerIs it possible we're all romanticizing how well-behaved we were as kids?Giphy

"Also, a kid on a screen somewhere doesn't mean they're on it all the time. My kid is autistic, she has a hard time at restaurants with the sights, smells, and sounds, the tablet helps her focus."

"Literally the reason people hand iPads and their phones to their kids is to distract them and keep them quiet. Because people complain about kids being kids in public spaces"

"Yall want community so bad but guess what? Community includes children."

"Adults don’t know how to act in public, but they expect children to"

"People forget they go to family friendly restaurants and expect private dining experience"

Experts say it's developmentally appropriate for young children to have trouble sitting still for a whole meal. If you have a very well-behaved two-year-old, you might be able to hope for about 20 minutes. If your kid is especially hyperactive, it'll be less than that. Table service at a restaurant takes much, much longer than 20 minutes. Sometimes you can stretch that 20 minutes if you're really creative and engaging, well-prepared with coloring books and activity books and games. But it takes a ton of work, ruins your ability to enjoy your own meal, and still might not buy you enough time. Even worse, even six-year-olds might struggle to stay seated at a table for more than 35 minutes or so! That could mean you're dealing with this issue for years and years and years.

I've always thought a good compromise is to save the screen for the actual eating part of the meal. My youngest has ADHD and is an absolute disaster trying to sit at the table, so we'll usually pull out our whole bag of tricks including activities, games, or even walking around the restaurant until the food has arrived. This is her chance to learn how to behave in a public space. When the food comes, that's when she usually gets the screen so she'll actually eat, and we can enjoy our own food—but we always reserve the right to bring out the screen earlier if she's really bouncing off the walls.

And even as a parent, I can completely agree that kids don't belong everywhere. I've had enough babies crying through bloody R-rated horror movies at 10pm. Toddlers don't usually need to go to fancy steakhouses or romantic inns. And I can also agree that using screens as an easy default instead of helping kids learn how to behave in public is the wrong move in the longterm. But I've also gotten dirty looks when my child is throwing a tantrum and I've felt the discomfort in the air when my kids are being too loud in public. Unfortunately we can't have it both ways.

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