upworthy

Annie Reneau

Political polarization is out of control. It doesn't have to be this way.

What I'm going to share here may well be futile, and many people who need to hear this message and take it to heart probably won't. But America is at a precipice we've been hurtling toward for years, and if we don't do something now to slow the momentum, I fear we'll soon find ourselves plummeting over a proverbial cliff, one and all. It's worth an attempt to pull us back from the brink.

We all know that political polarization in the U.S. is reaching a fever pitch. What many people don't seem to recognize is how they individually play a role in it, especially those who are adamant that the "other side" is to blame for the division. As a lifelong political independent, it's been terrifying to watch my fellow Americans become more and more entrenched in hyper-partisanship, seemingly unaware of how they themselves are contributing to the problem, simply by allowing themselves to be pulled further into the partisan binary.

left, right, politics, partisanship, political ideology We can't divide America into "left" and "right." Photo credit: Canva

Democrats say Republicans are the problem. Republicans say Democrats are the problem. The vast majority of us absentmindedly use black-and-white ideological terminology that line up with our political parties to describe our fellow Americans—liberal or conservative, left or right, red or blue—as if 342 million people fit neatly into two political/ideological boxes. As a result, many Americans have found a home and an identity in those boxes, and unfortunately, some have built them into fortresses from which to shoot at the other side—figuratively and literally.

But no matter how people feel about one box or the other, neither of them is really the problem that brought us here. The problem is the premise that they are built on, which is that there are two opposing sides in the first place. It was inevitable that partisanship in a two-party system would eventually lead to an intractable division featuring extreme, binary thinking pushed by those who benefit from that polarization. The "other side" isn't just different, it's depraved. The 'other side" isn't just misguided, it's malicious. The "other side" isn't just wrong, it's evil. This kind of thinking is a feature, not a bug.

george washington, party politics, two-party system, farewell address, partisanship George Washington tried to warn us about the perils of partisanship. Giphy

George Washington tried to warn us about this in 1796 when he said that the "spirit of party" was America's "worst enemy" and would eventually lead us to our demise. We're right there, right now. Partisanship has been fully weaponized by those seeking and wielding power, pitting Americans against Americans, convincing them that the "other side" isn't just wrong, but evil. ("But the other side really is evil!" you might be thinking. Thank you for proving the point. The "other side" says exactly the same thing.) The walls of those political and ideological boxes have gotten so high and so thick that we've lost the ability to see one another's humanity.

Many things have gone into how we got here, of course, and there's plenty of blame to be tossed around. But instead of finger pointing when we talk about our polarization problem, what if we were to look inward and own our own individual part in it, whatever that might be?

I would love to invite every American of every persuasion to take a pause, zoom out, and honestly engage with these self-reflection questions:

Do I tend to label people as liberal/left or conservative/right based on what I know about their beliefs?

Do I assume a certain political party affiliation based on what someone looks like/how they dress/where they live?

Do I describe states and cities as "blue" or "red" and make judgments about those places based on those labels?

Do I use generalized terms like "the left" or "the right" to describe large swaths of the American population?

Does the media I watch or listen to speak in those binary terms? Is one used positively and one used negatively?

politics, political divide, polarization, division, party politics Partisanship is divisive in its very nature.Photo credit: Canva

Do I check multiple sources to find what's true before I react or form an opinion about something I see on social media?

Do I seek out a variety of commentary to genuinely try to understand different perspectives?

Do I contact my legislators when I want to see a change in policy, or do I just argue with people on social media about it?

Do I recognize when people are debating in an effort to seek truth and when they're using rhetorical tricks to "win" an argument?

Am I spending more time engaging with people online than I am in real life?

Do I pay more attention to the extreme voices on the political spectrum than to the moderate ones?

Am I aware of how social media algorithms affect what I see and am exposed to?

Do I see how the extreme element of the "side" I most align with is being used to paint my political persuasion in a negative light?

Do I see how the same thing is being done with the extreme element on the other "side"?

Do I acknowledge when someone from my "side" shares misinformation? Do I call it out?

misinformation, b.s., fake news, falsehood, calling out There''s b.s. all over the political spectrum. Giphy

Do I think of a large portion of my fellow Americans as enemies or adversaries? Why do I view them that way?

Do I want to see my fellow Americans as enemies or adversaries? How can I see them differently?

Am I suggesting we stop using labels like left/right, liberal/conservative, etc. altogether? As much as possible, yes. These labels barely help us understand one another anymore—most often they are used to stereotype people or to take one person's objectionable action and ascribe it to the entire "side." So much of our current situation is a result of the extreme generalization of Americans into two groups, when in reality, very few people actually think, believe, live, and act within the confines of however those group labels are defined. Most of us know this intellectually, of course, but it's so easy to be pulled by language to one extreme or the other in a polarized political climate, especially via social media.

That polarization is purposeful, by the way. Giving people a political identity and an "other side" to fight against is one of the easiest ways to gain political power. Unfortunately, it's also playing with fire. (And if you think only one party does it, think again. It's just much easier to spot when it's done by people we disagree with.)

We can't solve our problems using the same means by which they were created. We can't change the politics that weaponizes partisanship if we ourselves are furthering and fueling it with partisanized thinking and rhetoric. We can't respond to political and ideological extremism with more extremism, even if we think our extremism is justified. Literally every extremist thinks their extremism is justified. Black-and-white, us vs. them thinking is extremism. It's becoming so common, we're getting numb to it.

None of us is immune here—this stuff is designed to tap our most primal instincts—but we have to fight it in ourselves. When we feel a push or pull toward binary extremes (which is easily mistaken for believing we're on the righteous side of things) we can consciously pull ourselves back to a place where we see one another's humanity before everything else.

I'm not both-sidesing here or implying that there aren't any legitimate issues with any particular party/side/ideology. What I'm saying is that partisanized discourse has become a zero sum game and too many Americans are willingly being used as pawns in it. While we can't control what other people do, we can reflect on the part we as individuals play and dedicate ourselves to being part of the solution instead of contributing to the problem.

Of course, stepping away from political labels and partisanzied discourse won't instantly solve all of our issues as a nation. But if enough Americans refuse to play the partisan game and reject the binary rhetoric of left/right, liberal/conservative, red/blue, Democrat/Republican, perhaps we can help prevent the U.S. from plunging into the dark, dangerous chasm we've found ourselves at the brink of.

It's worth a shot, at least.

Popular

Watch the tense moment Lucille Ball tells a host to take his hands off female audience members

It was common for male hosts to kiss, hug, and touch women in the 70s. It was not common for a woman to publicly challenge them.

CBS Television (Public Domain)
Lucille Ball was a powerhouse both on screen and off.

According to her daughter, Lucille Ball never considered herself a feminist, but there's no question she blazed many a trail for women. A working mother in real life, she depicted issues facing housewives with her brilliant television comedy and became the first female studio head in Hollywood. She broke glass ceilings but wasn't particularly outspoken about women's rights. In fact, in a 1980 interview with "People," she said, “They can use my name for equal rights, but I don’t get out there and raise hell because I’ve been so liberated, I have nothing to squawk about.”

Ball empowered women by example—and by speaking her mind. Carol Burnett shared a story on PBS about how Ball was unhappy with a script for her new show, but women at that time didn't raise concerns about such things. Men could express criticism and demand changes, but women simply didn't. Ball did—and firmly—despite being non-confrontational by nature. Later she told Burnett, "Kid, that's when they put the 's' at the end of my name."

A video has been circulating on social media showing Ball's no-nonsense way of speaking up when she felt the need to, and people are gushing over it.


Lucille Ball, 70s, 80s, 60s, I Love Lucy, television, actress, hollywood, sexism, misogyny Lucille Ball was a massive star, but perhaps best known for the show 'I Love Lucy'By CBS Television - Public Domain

In 1978, Ball participated in a Q & A session with UCLA theater arts students on the television program "America Alive!" The viral clip shows Ball repeatedly telling one of the hosts, David Sheehan, to take his hands off of female audience members when they were asking a question.

"Will you take your hands off, David?" she says as he introduces one young woman. "Take your hands off of her," she says again as he places his hand on the shoulder of another. "David, would you take your hands away?" she says as he places his hands on another woman in a sparkly gold dress.

Watch:

@femalequotient

We love Lucy ❤️

People laughed every time, but Ball didn't so much as crack a smile during her clear, simple, repeated "hands off" admonitions.

For 1978 especially, her advocacy for the women in the audience was extraordinary. Sheehan wasn't touching these women in a lewd or sexual manner, but he was touching them in a way that he wouldn't have touched a man who was asking a question. Most people wouldn't have thought much of it at the time, but Lucille Ball immediately noted it and didn't let it stand.

"I love that she didn't even laugh when the room was," shared one commenter. "She was not joking."

"'Take your hands off her, David,' should be a sound AND a t-shirt," wrote another.

"He kept trying. She kept telling him. Love her," shared another.

"Lucille Ball always reminds me of my grandma," offered another. "She hated to be seen as delicate, and she hated men that would touch her even more. She would say, stone-faced, 'Get your paws off.'"

Here are a few more of the best comments:

"the audience laughed and she said 'ain't nothing funny.' love her"

"This happened to me so much growing up and I noticed from very young the boys weren't treated this way."

"Even then she knew how the industry was I LOVE IT AND LOOOOVE LUCY SO MUCH"

A commenter on Reddit noted that Ball started her career as a chorus girl and dancer. "She knows every creepy man trick in the book"

Television and game shows from the 70s and 80s are an incredible time capsule of the culture and norms of the era. Sheehan wasn't the only one who tended to get a little handsy.

It was common for male hosts to kiss female contestants. Richard Dawson, host of The Family Feud, was famous for it. Even our beloved Bob Barker of The Price Is Right often had women suggestively reach into his jacket to fish out their $100 bill.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

There's a casual lecherous-ness that famous men seemed to get away with easily at the time. For anyone to publicly challenge them on their behavior was absolutely shocking.

Even if Sheehan was casually touching those women out of habit and not ill intent, it's laudable that Ball made a point of making him aware of it. Unfortunately, women are still having to deal with men touching them without being invited to, but seeing Lucille Ball's serious face while calling it out is a good reminder that women have been fighting this battle for a long time. Good for her for using her microphone and the respect afforded her to speak up for the young women in her audience.

This article originally appeared last year.

Courtesy of @weirdpaulp/TikTok

"Weird Paul" shares his senior yearbook from 1988.

In many ways, the 1980s were the best of times and the worst of times for those of us who lived through it. The freedom in having a free-range childhood and the sense of living in a slower, simpler time makes some Gen Xers nostalgic for that decade. The hideous fashion choices and ridonkulous hairstyles? Not so much.

A man who goes by Weird Paul on TikTok shared photos from his 1988 senior yearbook, highlighting the sky-high hairstyles that were "in" at the time, and you can practically smell the Aqua Net coming through the screen. The feathered sides. The bangs curled both up and under and the rest teased to the heavens. The Flock of Seagulls inspiration. The oh-so-mighty mullet.

If youngsters want to know what the 80s looked like, this is it, in all its unrivaled glory:

@weirdpaulp

look at this 80s hair in my 1988 high school yearbook! #80shair #80shairstyle #1980shair #genx #80smemories #hairtok #creatorsearchinsights


As a woman who came of age in this era, allow me to share how much time and effort these young ladies' hairstyles took to create. No joke about the Aqua Net—the amount of hairspray it took to make these styles stay in place is probably what created the hole in the ozone layer.

If you were unlucky enough to have straight hair that wouldn't stay curled no matter what you tried, there was simply no hope for you. You either had to get a perm (which I did), spend most of your precious free time curling and teasing and spraying your hair, or wait out the era looking like a total dweeb (straight hair was soooo 70s, and everything from the 70s was totally unhip in the 80s; might as well have been wearing orange and brown bell bottoms—the horror!).

What we don't see in these headshots are the clothing trends of the 80s—the pegged jeans, the legwarmers, the neon colors, the shoulder pads (OMG why???), the jelly shoes, the acid wash, and more. It's been hilarious to see what elements of 80s fashion have come back around and what has stayed relegated to the past.

80s, fashion, 1980s, trends, history 80S Dancing GIF Giphy

The revival of the fanny pack has been a delightfully practical surprise (we wouldn't have been caught dead with one in the late 90s). The high-waisted "mom jeans" coming into style felt super weird, but a lot of women seem to have appreciated it. Unfortunately, it appears the shoulder-padded "power suit" is trying to worm its way back into our lives (no, thank you), but we'll see if it sticks.

Thankfully, the 80s hairdos seem to have remained in the vault so far (with the exception of the mullet in some circles, which is frankly a bit baffling). It's hard to imagine ever wanting to put that much effort and product into our hair ever again, but who knows?

@fayequeenan

Replying to @Shaolynne1 sorry I don’t have aqua net or a perm🤭 my previous video was just my interpretation and not me saying this is how people actually styled their hair in the 80s #80shair #bangs #fringe

But just in case anyone gets any hair-brained ideas, let's walk through the process of creating a big 80s hairdo for someone with straight hair (yes, I'm bound and determined to keep 80s hair back in the 80s—there may or may not be some hair trauma involved here).

A young woman was trying to recreate an 80s 'do and struggling with it, so an elder who rocked that hair in her younger years, despite having long, straight hair, stepped in with a tutorial. If this doesn't put you off of wanting an 80s hair comeback, I don't know what will. The dirty hair. The teasing/backcombing/ratting/whatever you want to call it. The aerosol hairspray being shellacked with a hair dryer. It wasn't pleasant, it wasn't worth it, and it never will be.

@shamanisis

Hi @Rachel OCool I just had to share my secrets to big 80s hair for people with shiny, straight hair! Enjou! #stitch #80s #80shair #80shairtutorial #incomingstitch #humor #funny

For Halloween? Knock yourself out. But on behalf of myself and countless other Gen X youths who struggled through the big hair era, I'm begging y'all, do not bring it back. Some things belong in the past, and the glory of 80s hair is one of them.

Health

Harvard happiness researcher explains why being bored is 'essential' for our mental health

We have a powerful neurological network that's only triggered by boredom.

Boredom is good for us, but smartphones make it too easy to avoid it.

It's no secret that spending too much time on our screens isn't good, but most of us have a hard time not overusing them anyway. Our lives have become so intertwined with technology that we use our phones for everything—communication with friends and family, paying bills, following the news, finding recipes, tracking habits, entertainment, and more. Excessive phone use is associated with all kinds of mental and emotional health problems in youth and young adults, and we're seeing more and more older adults impacted by phone addiction as well.

But hey, at least we're never bored, right? That's true—unfortunately. As Harvard psychologist and happiness researcher Arthur C. Brooks shares, our phones, which keep us from being bored, might actually be the crux of the problem.

"You need to be bored. You will have less meaning and you will be more depressed if you never are bored," Brooks says bluntly. "I mean, it couldn't be clearer."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Let me give you the good side of boredom in general," he continues. "Boredom is a tendency for us to not be occupied otherwise cognitively, which switches over our thinking system to use a part of our brain that's called the default mode network. That sounds fancy. It's really not. The default mode network is a bunch of structures in your brain that switch on when you don't have anything else to think about. So you forgot your phone and you're sitting at a light, for example. That's when your default mode network goes on."

The problem is, we don't like it, Brooks says. One of his colleagues at Harvard did an experiment where participants had to sit in an room and do absolutely nothing for 15 minutes. The only thing they could do was push a button that would deliver a painful electric shock to themselves. So the choices were to sit there being bored or shock themselves, and surprisingly, a large majority chose self-inflicted shocks over sitting with their own thoughts for 15 minutes.

"We don't like boredom," says Brooks. "Boredom is terrible."

harvard, psychology, boredom, phone addiction, technology Many people would rather push a button to shock themselves than to be bored for 15 minutes. Photo credit: Canva

But why? What's so bad about letting the mind wander? Brooks says it comes down to having to ponder life's big questions.

"The default mode network makes us think about things that might be kind of uncomfortable," he says. "When you think about nothing, your mind wanders and thinks about, for example, big questions of meaning in your life. What does my life mean? You go to uncomfortable existential questions when you're bored."

"That turns out to be incredibly important, incredibly good," Brooks continues. "One of the reasons we have such an explosion of depression and anxiety in our society today is because people actually don't know the meaning of their lives. Much less so in previous generations. Tons of data show this, and furthermore, we're not even looking."

The reason we're not looking? Because we don't have to. We have a device that keeps us from ever having to be bored, and we reach for it instantly without even consciously thinking about it most of the time.

harvard, psychology, boredom, phone addiction, technology We're so quick to reach for our phones at the slightest hint of boredom.Photo credit: Canva

"You're actually trying to not be bored because the default mode network is mildly uncomfortable, because it sends you to the types of questions that you can't get your mind around, you can't get your arms around," Brooks says. "Well, that's a big problem. That's a doom loop of meaning. If every time you're slightly bored you pull out your phone, it's going to get harder and harder for you to find meaning. And that's the recipe for depression and anxiety and a sense of hollowness, which, by the way, are all through the roof."

So how do we get out of this "doom loop of meaning?" Brooks suggests consciously leaving our phone behind more often and forcing ourselves to "be bored more."

"Tomorrow, when you go to the gym in the morning after you wake up, don't take your phone," he says. "Can you handle it? Not listening to a podcast while you're working out, just being in your head. I promise you, you'll have your most interesting ideas while you're working out without devices. It's probably been a long time since you've done that. Commute with nothing, not even the radio. Can you do that? Start getting better at periods that are 15 minutes and longer of boredom, and watch your life change."

phone addiction, boredom, technology, smartphones, working out Try working out without listening to anything and see where your mind wanders.Photo credit: Canva

Brooks refers to boredom as a skill, and he says the better you get at boredom the less bored you will be with ordinary things—your job, your relationships, and things going on around you.

"But more importantly, you'll start digging into the biggest questions in your life: purpose, meaning, coherence, significance," he says. "And who knows? You might just get happier."

Brooks shares the three protocols he uses to curb phone addiction:

- Don't sleep with your phone. (He has a no device policy after 7 p.m. and doesn't sleep with his phone.)

- No phones during meals. ("We're there for each other," he says. "We're not there for people who aren't there.")

- Regular social media fasts. (He has device and social media cleanses where he avoids them for longer lengths of time.)

Brooks says his brain screams at him at first when he takes breaks, which is the addiction talking. But then it calms down and he ends up feeling a lot better by the end of his break. "These protocols are really, really helpful and I recommend them to anybody and everybody," he says.

Most of us are aware of how addictive our phones can be, but we may struggle to moderate our own usage. Giving ourselves clear boundaries around when, where, and how we use our devices, as well as knowing that the discomfort of boredom is actually good for us, may help us all lead a healthier, more balanced life.

You can find more from Dr. Brooks, including his books and research on happiness, here.