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Best brain supplements for adults: Top 5 brain supplements for memory and focus

Boost your memory and focus with these expert picks.

Best brain supplements for adults: Top 5 brain supplements for memory and focus

It can be difficult to push through a workday or social engagement when you're struggling with brain fog, poor concentration, or a sour mood. Fortunately, supplements designed to support brain health may be able to help.

Formulated with neuro-boosting ingredients like vitamin D, vitamin B12, folic acid, and ginkgo biloba, these products, along with healthy human nutrition and regular exercise, can protect against cognitive decline and memory loss, helping you stay sharp and focused.

Incorporating these supplements into your nutritional regimen can have lasting benefits contributing to your overall health and vitality. However, choosing the right one from such a large pool of options can take time and effort. To help you find the best one for your needs, we’ve curated a list of five of the highest-rated options available online. Keep scrolling to check out our top picks and what makes them stand out.

Summary of the Best Brain Supplements

  1. Best Overall: BIOptimizers Cognibiotics
  2. Best Omega-3 Supplement: Utzy Naturals Omega-3 Fish Oil
  3. Best Coffee Alternative: Beam Super Latte
  4. Best Bioavailability: ProHealth Brain-Mag Pro
  5. Best Value:Organixx Brain Health 8

Are Dietary Supplements Safe?

Dietary supplements aren’t a substitute for a well-balanced diet, but they can provide a convenient way to increase your nutrient intake and boost your general health. They’re relatively safe if you use them responsibly, and follow the tips below.

  • Only use products that have been third-party lab-tested and are manufactured by reputable brands.
  • Avoid ingredients that conflict with any dietary allergies or restrictions you may have.
  • Check with your doctor to ensure your chosen supplement is safe for you and won’t interact poorly with other medications you’re taking.
  • Always take dietary supplements as instructed, and never exceed the recommended dosage.

Best Brain Supplements for Adults Reviewed

1. Best Overall: BIOptimizers Cognibiotics

Why we love it:

Wipe away brain fog and improve your brain health with BIOptimizers Cognibiotics. This supplement contains a powerful blend of probiotics and prebiotics to support a healthy brain and gut microbiome. It’s crafted in small batches with medical-grade ingredients, so you can rest assured of its quality.

This product is a great choice for stressed adults. It supports a balanced stress response, minimizing the negative impact of stress on your body and health. It’s suitable for a wide range of ages, from children to older adults. (The manufacturer recommends a dose of 1 capsule per 40 pounds of body weight.) Speaking of doses, these convenient capsules contain pre-calculated doses of each ingredient, eliminating the need for measuring and making them easy to take, whether you’re at home or on the go.

Pros:

  • Vegan, gluten-free, and soy-free
  • USA-made in a GMP-certified facility
  • May improve blood circulation to the brain

Cons:

  • Only one size available

Specs:

  • Size: 60 capsules per bottle
  • Key ingredient(s): Probiotic blend, prebiotic complex, Chinese herbal blend

Learn more about BIOptimizers Cognibiotics today!


2. Best Omega-3 Supplement: Utzy Naturals Omega-3 Fish Oil


Why we love it:

Offering a trifecta of wellness benefits, Utzy Naturals Omega-3 Fish Oil supports brain health, joint mobility, and heart health. Unlike many other fish oil supplements, this product has a pleasant-tasting, citrusy lemon flavor and is easy to swallow. It’s made from fatty fish oil, sustainably sourced along the Chilean coast.

The incorporation of the triglyceride form of omega-3 makes the supplement easy to digest and highly bioavailable for optimal results. Made in the USA, this product is purified and distilled before it’s sent to third-party labs for rigorous testing to confirm its quality and safety. The brand offers a 90-day satisfaction guarantee so you can purchase with confidence.

Pros:

  • High bioavailability for maximum efficacy
  • Pleasant-tasting lemon flavor
  • Third-party tested for purity

Cons:

  • May interact poorly with some anticoagulants

Specs:

  • Size: 60 or 120 softgels per bottle
  • Key ingredient(s): Eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA), docosahexaenoic acid (DHA), and additional omega-3s

Learn more about Utzy Naturals Omega-3 Fish Oil today!


3. Best Coffee Alternative: Beam Super Latte


Why we love it:

If you love to start the day with a warm cup of coffee but don't like the afternoon caffeine crash, we suggest trying Beam Super Latte. This tasty beverage mix contains only 35 milligrams of caffeine per serving. It leverages the productivity-boosting benefits of adaptogens, nootropics, and functional mushrooms to provide a sustained energy boost without the jittery feelings and crashes often accompanying coffee. Mix one or two scoops into a cup of hot water, or enjoy it iced.

Its creamy, smooth consistency, familiar flavor, and chocolatey taste notes add to the appeal of this beverage. Lion’s mane and creatine support memory and cognitive function, while turkey tail and cordyceps improve stamina and keep stress and fatigue at bay. The formula is paleo-, keto-, and vegan-friendly, making it suitable for various lifestyles and dietary preferences.

Pros:

  • May boost focus and energy
  • No added sugars
  • Can be enjoyed hot or iced

Cons:

  • Bag can be difficult to reseal

Specs:

  • Size: 400 g per bag/ 30 servings
  • Key ingredient(s): Cordyceps mushroom, lion’s mane mushroom, turkey tail mushroom, theobromine, creatine, king trumpet mushroom, huperzine-A, phosphatidylserine, and caffeine

Learn more about Beam Super Latte today!


4. Best Bioavailability: ProHealth Brain-Mag Pro


What we love:

Sometimes, simple is best, and that's exactly what you get with ProHealth Brain-Mag Pro. These capsules contain pure magnesium L-threonate in the form of Magtein®—a highly bioavailable type of magnesium that penetrates the blood-brain barrier and can improve cognitive function, mood, and memory. By regulating sleep patterns, this formula can help ensure you get enough sleep, which can have countless health benefits.

Not only does this product feature a research-backed formula, but it’s also free from common allergens—including soy, wheat, tree nuts, peanuts, gluten, shellfish, eggs, and dairy—and it’s vegan-friendly, non-GMO, and kosher, making it accessible to customers across various lifestyles and dietary needs.

Pros:

  • Certificate of analysis available on website
  • No preservatives or chemicals
  • Produced in an FDA-registered, GMP-certified facility
  • Third-party tested with viewable lab results

Cons:

  • Only comes in one size

Specs:

  • Size: 90 capsules per bottle
  • Key ingredient(s): Magnesium

Learn more about ProHealth Brain-Mag Pro today!


5. Best Value: Organixx Brain Health 8

What we love:

Formulated to provide long-term neurological support, Organixx Brain Health 8 contains a blend of eight high-quality nutrients. All ingredients are responsibly sourced from an Amazonian rainforest, and the formula doesn’t contain synthetic flavors, dyes, fillers, additives, or preservatives. Plus, the product is third-party tested to confirm the absence of glyphosate, GMOs, heavy metals, insecticides, herbicides, and pesticides for your peace of mind.

In addition to preventing unhealthy inflammation levels and promoting the growth of new brain cells, this formula supports brain health by protecting against free radicals, supporting neuron health, and enhancing circulation to help maintain healthy oxygen levels. It’s free from many common allergens, including soy, gluten, and yeast, and is suitable for plant-based or paleo diets.

Pros:

  • Non-GMO ingredients; sugar and sodium-free
  • May improve mental clarity and focus
  • Third-party lab tested
  • Backed by a one-year satisfaction guarantee

Cons:

  • Only comes in one size

Specs:

  • Size: 60 capsules per bottle
  • Key ingredient(s): Organic cat's claw powder, organic pau d'Arco, organic camu camu powder, organic cacao powder, organic bacopa monnieri powder, dragon’s blood resin extract, organic cinnamon, and organic guayusa extract

Learn more about Organixx Brain Health 8 today!


How To Find The Best Brain Supplements for You

Finding the right neurological support supplement can be challenging. Keep these factors in mind while shopping to ensure you make the best choice for your health goals and needs.

Key Ingredients

Make sure the key ingredients in your supplement are backed by scientific evidence indicating their potential to promote brain health and improve cognitive function. Some common ingredients in these products include omega-3s, B vitamins, magnesium, ashwagandha root extract, and ginkgo biloba—a staple of traditional Chinese medicine with many possible uses.

Supplement Form

These products typically come in capsule, powder, and liquid forms. Choose a form that works well with your schedule and lifestyle. Capsules are useful if you want something convenient you can take quickly before work or bed. Powders and liquids are preferable if you want versatility and precise dose control or if you don’t like trying to swallow parge pills – some supplements are uncomfortable to swallow in capsule form.

Intended Benefits

Whether you’re looking to improve cognition, reduce inflammation, enhance sleep quality, or boost your psychological well-being, choose a formula that offers the benefits you hope to achieve.

Ingredients That Are Good for Brain Health

The active ingredients in many brain supplements are vitamins and minerals—like vitamin D and vitamin B12—that can be found in foods such as leafy, green vegetables and fish. However, many people don’t get enough of these nutrients from diet alone, making supplementation beneficial.

These are some of the most common ingredients you’re likely to find in brain health supplements.

Omega-3 fatty acids

Omega-3 fatty acids—like docosahexaenoic acid (DHA)—are healthy fats that promote cardiovascular and neurological health. Omega-3s may improve learning, memory, cognitive well-being, and blood flow to the brain. Whether consumed in supplement form or through fatty fish, like salmon, omega-3 is usually well tolerated.

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) recommends a combined daily total intake of no more than 3 grams of omega-3s from dietary and supplemental sources. However, the National Institutes of Health recommends a daily intake of between 1.1 and 1.6 grams for adults.

B vitamins

B vitamins are essential for stress management and mood stabilization. A lack of B vitamins—especially vitamin B12—can result in an increased risk of mental health conditions like depression and anxiety. The most common B vitamins found in brain supplements are:

  • Vitamin B1 (thiamin) helps regulate the central nervous system, promoting calmness and improving mood.
  • Vitamin B2 (riboflavin) supports the development of blood cells, skin, digestive tract lining, and the nervous system.
  • Vitamin B9 (folic acid) is found in leafy, green vegetables and helps the body form red blood cells, regulate levels of homocysteine (an amino acid) in the blood, and produce RNA and DNA.
  • Vitamin B12 helps the body create red blood cells and regulates the nervous system. The National Institutes of Health recommends consuming 2.4 micrograms of vitamin B12 daily for adults.

Other Ingredients

  • Vegetable oils: Research suggests a connection between a higher intake of vegetable oil (olive oil, specifically) and a lower risk of death resulting from dementia—an umbrella term for a group of neurodegenerative diseases, including Alzheimer’s disease and mild cognitive impairment (MCI), resulting from damage to the brain cells.
  • Magnesium: Other research indicates magnesium has anti-inflammatory properties associated with a lower risk of cognitive decline and memory loss.
  • Vitamin E: Numerous studies and clinical trials have shown that vitamin E may help delay cognitive performance decline resulting from aging or Alzheimer’s disease.
  • Vitamin D: Vitamin D has neuroprotective properties and plays many important roles in the body, making it essential for brain health and overall health. Vitamin D deficiency is linked to neurodegenerative conditions like dementia.
  • Whole grains: More research is needed, however, early studies indicate whole grains may delay cognitive impairment and memory loss in older adults of African American descent.
  • Ashwagandha: In some clinical trials, ashwagandha demonstrated the ability to increase attention span and support better memory in healthy people.

Potential Benefits of Taking a Brain Supplement

Brain health supplements can yield many neurological benefits and support overall health. Here are some of the many possible benefits of using these products.

  • Boosted cognitive function and memory: Products containing omega-3s and magnesium can support cognitive function and reduce the risk of memory loss.
  • Reduced brain fog: Along with improving cognitive function, these products can help with brain fog and mental clarity, keeping you clear headed and enhancing your mental performance.
  • Improved mood: Products containing B vitamins like vitamin B12 work to regulate the nervous system, which can reduce stress and boost your mood.
  • Better sleep and more energy: These products can help regulate your sleep cycle. The combination of more restful sleep and vitality-supporting ingredients can boost productivity and energy levels.

Potential Side Effects of Taking Brain Health Supplements

As with any dietary supplement, there are potential side effects to be aware of, including:

  • Headaches
  • Nausea
  • Anxiety

Side effects are usually mild and temporary and typically go away when the supplement wears off. Discontinue use and talk to your doctor if you experience severe or persistent side effects.

It's also important to note that some supplements interact poorly with prescription medications, so always talk to your doctor before taking these products to ensure they’re safe for you.

FAQ

How many brain health supplements should I take?

It’s usually best to talk to your doctor about which supplements to take and how many. Some supplements may have negative interactions when taken together. This depends on the specific supplement. Always follow the manufacturer’s dosing instructions, and don't exceed the recommended amount.

Can I take brain health supplements with other dietary supplements or medications?

Certain supplements can interact with medications and other supplements, causing adverse side effects. If you have medical conditions or are taking any medications or other supplements, be sure to check with your doctor before starting a new supplement.

Can I take brain health supplements in place of other medications?

While these supplements can support healthy brain function and boost brain health, they’re not meant to treat specific diseases. Don’t stop taking prescribed medications unless your doctor tells you otherwise.

Conclusion

In combination with a healthy diet and exercise routine, brain health supplements can boost mood, reduce brain fog, and improve overall brain function. Not all brain health supplements are created equal, so it’s essential to be selective when shopping. Look for products that have been third-party tested, are made with high-quality ingredients, and won’t conflict with any medications you’re taking. The options on our list are the best the online market has to offer, and we hope you’ll find the perfect one for your needs among our selections.

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From Your Site Articles
supplements
Parenting

Psychologist shares the 5 'core' memories your child will cherish from their childhood

A lot of parents will be surprised by her answers.

via Julia Kuzenkov/Pexels

A young girl relaxing in an inner tube.


There’s a popular trend where parents often share they are creating “core memories” for their children on social media posts, whether it’s planning an elaborate vacation or creating an extra-special holiday moment.

While it’s important for parents to want their kids to have happy childhoods, sometimes it feels presumptuous when they believe they can manufacture a core memory. Especially when a child’s inner world is so much different than an adult's.

Carol Kim, a mother of 3 and licensed Marriage and family Therapist, known as ParentingResilience on Instagram, recently shared the “5 Things Kids Will Remember from Their Childhood” on her page. The fascinating insight is that none of the entries had to do with extravagant vacations, over-the-top birthday parties, or Christmas gifts that kids could only dream about.

According to Kim, the five things that kids will remember all revolve around their parents' presence and support. "Notice how creating good memories doesn’t require expensive toys or lavish family trips. Your presence is the most valuable present you can give to your child,” Kim wrote in the post’s description.

1. Quality time together

"Taking some time to focus only on your child is very special. Playing games, reading books, or just talking can create strong, happy memories. These moments show your child that you are present with them."

2. Words of encouragement

"Encouraging words can greatly impact your child during both good times and tough times. Kids often seek approval from their parents and your positive words can be a strong motivator and source of comfort.... It can help kids believe in themselves, giving them the confidence to take on new challenges and keep going when things get tough."

parenting, core memories, quality time

A mother and child riding a small bike.

via Gustavo Fring/Pexels

3. Family traditions

“It creates a feeling of stability and togetherness … Family traditions make children feel like they belong and are part of a larger story, deepening their sense of security and understanding of family identity and values.”

4. Acts of kindness

“Seeing and doing kind things leaves a strong impression on children. It shows them the importance of being kind and caring. They remember how good it feels to help others and to see their parents helping too.”

5. Comfort during tough times

"Knowing they can rely on you during tough times makes them feel secure and build trust. … Comforting them when they're struggling shows them they are loved no matter what, helping them feel emotionally secure and strong."

parenting, core memories, quality time

A family making a meal together.

via Elina Fairytale/Pexels

Kim’s strategies are all beautiful ways to be present in our children’s lives and to communicate our support. However, these seemingly simple behaviors can be challenging for some parents who are dealing with issues stemming from their pasts.

“If you find barriers to providing these things, it’s important to reflect on why,” Kim writes in the post. “There could be several reasons, such as parenting in isolation (we’re not meant to parent alone), feeling overstimulated, dealing with past trauma, or struggling with mental health. Recognizing these challenges is the first step to addressing them and finding support.”


This article originally appeared on 6.10.24

From Your Site Articles
parenting
Joy

Can you figure out what this doodle is?

Once you see it, you’ll never unsee it.

via Facebook

Do you see it?

Facebook user Savannah Root from Missouri stared at the photo above for hours before she finally figured out what it was.

Everyone that sees it either gets it right away or sits there stumped. The picture is so mystifying that after one week, it's been shared over 33,000 times.

For the solution, scroll down past the comments to reveal the hidden picture.

comments, social media, confusion

Is it formidable?

assets.rebelmouse.io

realization, challenge, solution

Amazing!

via Facebook

eureka, misconception, hallucination, image, puzzle

A light bulb moment.

via Facebook

shame, fear, stress

Stressing out.

via Facebook

talent, insect, cowboy

Not an insect.

via Facebook

It's a cowboy with half of his face obscured by a shadow. Facebook user Cristian-Dumitru Popescu created a cool graphic that explains it.

doodle, illusion, brain teaser.

The cowboy face breakdown.

via Facebook

This article originally appeared on 09.23.17

From Your Site Articles
optical illusions
Joy

15 hard truths that once people accepted them, their lives got so much better

"Not all friendships last."

via Liza Summer/Pexels

A woman learns a harsh truth about her friends.

A significant part of adulthood is realizing that many uncomfortable truths are indeed real, even if we wish they weren’t. At first, these harsh truths may dampen our spirits and make us feel that the world is a bit colder.

However, understanding some of life's hard lessons opens us up to greater possibilities and can help us overcome the obstacles holding us back.

Harsh truths help us realize when relationships aren’t as great as they can be. They also prevent us from having too much faith in people and institutions that will ultimately disappoint us. Knowing dark truths can also help us appreciate the things that are truly beautiful, honest and good.

A Redditor named Rare_Can_5418 asked the AskReddit forum, “What difficult truths, the sooner you accept them, the better your life will be?” and received over 6,500 responses. Many of them were centered around harsh truths about relationships and the fact that even if we do our best in life, we can still end up with the short end of the stick.



The key is to keep going and never let failure get you down.

Here are 15 of the “difficult truths” that made people’s lives a lot better.

1. Stop comparing yourself

"There will always be someone better looking, better educated, younger, more experienced, more intelligent or wealthier than you. Do your best, live without regret, have empathy and kindness, give when you can, expecting nothing in return. Focus on your heart value more than what others have."

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

2. Some people won't like you

"You can be sweetest, juiciest peach on the tree. But some people don't like peaches."

"In Spanish, there's a saying: 'Nadie es moneda de oro para que lo quiera todo el mundo,' which translates to something like nobody is a gold coin to be liked/wanted by everyone else."

3. Things are just things

"They don’t have feelings. They don’t care if you give them away or sell them or throw them out. If a thing is useful, keep it. If not, get rid of it."

Psychologists refer to perceiving that inanimate objects have feelings as anthropomorphizing. Psych Central says that humans project feelings onto objects to relate to them more deeply. "People generally anthropomorphize to make sense of events and behaviors they experience. Further, attributing emotions, attitudes, mental states, faces, and values to non-human things can help you feel connected to something," Sarah Barkley writes in a PhD-reviewed article.



4. Not all friendships last

"Surprisingly though, the ones that last are not necessarily the best (or even good) ones."

"Most friendships are based on convenience, I've found. Unless two people are willing to put in a lot of effort, time and distance will do more to end a friendship than any disagreement."

5. You may be the bad guy

"You can do your best with someone and still be the villain in their story."

"One of my current favourite memes is: I don't care if I'm the villain in your story, you're the clown in mine."

6. You can't change people

"You can only help people who actually want it. If they’re not ready to change or put in the effort, there’s not much you can do. Realizing this can save you a lot of frustration and help you focus on people who actually appreciate your help."

"It’s always tough having those friends who are constantly complaining but doing nothing to address what they are complaining about. But as an adult, you just have to sit there and listen. No point in offering help to someone who isn’t asking for it. Kinda like how it’s really tough to teach someone who isn’t interested in being taught."

7. How we judge

"We judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge others by their actions."

"In psychology, this is called fundamental attribution error."

The Fundamental Attribution Error is a psychological phenomenon where we assume someone's actions reflect their personality without considering the situation. It's like when we blame someone's driving skills for being in an accident instead of the curvy road.



8. Depending on people

"Once you're an adult, there really isn't anyone you can 100% depend on except yourself. There will still be people in your life to lean on, but everyone has their limits in how they can help you."

9. Nice doesn't equal good

"Nice people aren't always good people."

"One of my bosses doesn't greet/make small talk and is known for being quite firm. He's been the most helpful throughout my most difficult period dealing with tragedy. Some people with that personality type simply get things done when you need them done without the chattering."

10. Everything is temporary

"You can suddenly lose anything and anyone at any time...and maybe all at once or in quick succession without so much warning."

11. Nobody is thinking about you

"In general, people in the real world are oblivious to you. You're not even a blip on their radar. If you're insecure about something you wear or how you look, remember: nobody cares."



12. No one is coming to save you

"No one is coming to save you, so you have to do it all yourself."

"And once you internalize this and do it, your self-esteem will be through the roof."

13. Nobody knows what they're doing

"Before i graduated high school I thought, thank god, I finally won’t have to deal with annoying obnoxious kids and I’ll be treated like an adult, I come to find out 95% of adults are worse then the actual kids, nobody knows what they’re actually doing and life is actually a big joke."

14. Love is reciprocal

"If a romantic interest is not giving you the same attention/respect you give them, they don't really care about or want you, and you're in for a world of hurt if you keep telling yourself otherwise."

15. Who's good for you?

"People who are good for you will make you feel happy, joyful, accepted, cared for, and filled with fun times, despite any differences. People who are not good for you will make you feel anxious, sad, down, slighted, judged, and never check in on you if you're not okay, and won't even bother noticing when you're not okay. Genuine people will never let you suffer in silence or watch you suffer. Stay away from those who make you feel negative emotions and thoughts."

From Your Site Articles
life lessons
Family

What to do when you're the child of an alcoholic

My dad was an addict, and growing up with him taught me a lot.

Photo with permission from writer Ashley Tieperman.

Ashley Tieperman and her father.


There was never just one moment in my family when we “found out" that my dad was an addict.

I think I always knew, but I never saw him actually drinking. Usually, he downed a fifth of vodka before he came home from work or hid tiny bottles in the garage and bathroom cabinets.

My name is Ashley, and I am the child of an addict. As a kid, I cried when our family dinner reservation shrunk from four to three after a man with glassy eyes stumbled through the door. I didn't guzzle the vodka, but I felt the heartbreak of missed birthdays. I feel like I should weigh 500 pounds from all the “I'm sorry" chocolate donuts. I had to grow up quicker, but it made me into the person I am today.

addiction, coping, 12 step programs, recovery

Me and my dad.

Photo with permission from writer Ashley Tieperman.

I spent many years shouting into journals about why this was happening to me. But this is the thing that no one will tell you about loving someone who has an addiction: it will force you to see the world through different eyes.

Here are some things I've learned:

1. When your family's yelling about burnt toast, they're probably also yelling about something else.

My family yelled about everything — and nothing — to avoid the messy stuff. We all handled my dad's addiction differently. My brother devoured sports. My mom took bubble baths. I slammed doors and slammed boyfriends for not understanding my family's secrets.

Regardless of the preferred coping mechanism, everyone feels pain differently.

2. Your "knight in shining armor" can't fix this.

Boyfriends became my great escape when I was young. But when I expected them to rescue me from the pain I grew up with, it never worked out. No matter how strapping they looked galloping in on those white horses, they couldn't save me or fix anything.

In the end, I realized that I had to find healing on my own before I could build a strong relationship.

3. “Don't tell anyone" is a normal phase.

When my dad punched holes in the wall, my mom covered them up with artwork. I wanted to rip the artwork down to expose all the holes, especially as a bratty teenager. But eventually I realized that it wasn't my choice. My parents had bills to pay and jobs to keep. I've learned it's common to cover up for dysfunction in your family, especially when it feels like the world expects perfection.

4. Friends probably won't get it, but you'll need them anyway.

Bulldozed by broken promises, I remember collapsing on a friend's couch from the crippling pain of unmet expectations. I hyperventilated. Things felt uncontrollable and hopeless. My friend rubbed my back and just listened.

These are the kinds of friends I will keep forever, the ones who crawled down into the dark places with me and didn't make me get back up until I was ready.

5. You can't fix addiction, but you can help.

When I was a teenager, I called a family meeting. I started by playing a Switchfoot song: “This is your life. Are you who you want to be?"

Let's skip to the punchline: It didn't work.

It wasn't just me. Nothing anyone did worked. My dad had to lose a lot — mostly himself — before he hit that place they call “rock bottom." And, in all honesty, I hate that label because “rock bottom" isn't just a one-and-done kind of place.

What can you do while you wait for someone to actually want to get help? Sometimes, you just wait. And you hope. And you pray. And you love. And you mostly just wait.

6. Recovery is awkward.

When a counselor gave me scripted lines to follow if my dad relapsed, I wanted to shred those “1-2-3 easy steps" into a million pieces.

For me, there was nothing easy about my dad's recovery. My whole family had to learn steps to a new dance when my dad went into recovery. The healing dance felt like shuffling and awkwardly stepping on toes. It was uncomfortable; new words, like trust and respect, take time to sink in. And that awkwardness is also OK.

7. I still can't talk about addiction in the past tense.

Nothing about an addict's life happens linearly. I learned that early on. My dad cycled through 12-step programs again and again, to the point where I just wanted to hurl whenever anyone tried to talk about it. And then we finally reached a point where it felt like recovery stuck.

But even now, I'll never say, “My dad used to deal with addiction." My whole family continues to wrestle with the highs and lows of life with an addict every single day.

8. Happy hours and wedding receptions aren't easy to attend.

My family will also probably never clink glasses of red wine or stock the fridge full of beer. I'm convinced happy hours and wedding receptions will get easier, but they might not. People get offended when my dad orders a Diet Coke instead of their fine whisky.

Plus, there's the paranoia factor. Surrounded by flowing liquor, I hate watching my dad crawl out of his skin, tempted to look “normal" and tackle small talk with people we barely know. I've learned that this fear will probably last for a while, and it's because I care.

9. If you close your eyes, the world doesn't just “get prettier."

With constant fear of the unknown, sometimes our world is not a pretty place. I remember watching the breaking news on 9/11 and feeling the terror of the planes crashing into the Twin Towers as if I was there.

My dad numbed the anxiety of these dark days with vodka, but this didn't paint a prettier world for him when he woke up the next day. I've dealt with the fear of the unknown with the help of boys, booze, and bad dancing on pool tables. Life hurts for everyone, and I think we all have to decide how we're going to handle the darkness.

10. Rip off the sign on your back that reads: “KICK ME. MY LIFE SUCKS."

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I see only my broken journey. In some twisted way, I'm comforted by the dysfunction because it's kept me company for so long. It's easy to let the shadow of my family's past follow me around and choose to drown in the darkness.

But every day, I'm learning to turn on the light. I have to write the next chapter in my recovery story, but I can't climb that mountain with all this crap weighing me down.

11. It's OK to forgive, too.

Some people have given me sucky advice about how I should write an anthem on daddy bashing, or how to hit the delete button on the things that shaped my story.

Instead, my dad and I are both learning to celebrate the little things, like the day that he could change my flat tire. On that day, I didn't have to wonder if he was too drunk to come help me.

I can't forget all the dark nights of my childhood.

But I've learned that for my own well-being, I can't harbor bitterness until I explode.

Instead, I can love my dad, day by day, and learn to trust in the New Dad — the one with clearer eyes and a full heart. The one who rescues me when I call.


This article was written by Ashley Tieperman and originally appeared on 04.27.16

From Your Site Articles
addiction
Health

To the men I love, about men who scare me.

I went to get a drink by myself, and I have a message for men everywhere.

Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash

For the well-intentioned men in my life.


I got a promotion a few days ago, so I decided to stop for a drink on my way home — just me and my sense of accomplishment.

I ended up alone in the bar, running defense against a bouncer who held my ID hostage while he commented on my ass (among other things) and asked me vaguely threatening questions about my sex life.

This is not a Yelp review. It's not an angry rant, and it's definitely not something women need to be reminded of.

As far as I can tell, there is only one good lesson to pull out of this otherwise shitty and all-too-familiar interaction: In my experience, a lot of thoroughly decent men are still having trouble understanding this.

I have a friend who once joked that it was all right for him to catcall women because he's good-looking. I had another ask me in faux outrage why it was OK for me to describe a cupcake (as in an actual chocolate baked good) as a “seven," but not OK for him to rank women the same way. I was recently at a house party where a group of guys referred to a soundproofed recording studio in the basement as the “rape room" 45 times.

Some of these jokes were a little funny. Some of them really weren't. But they were all endemic of something more sinister, and I honestly don't think the men in question even realize it.

So to the generally well-intentioned men in my life, please consider this:

I have a friend who once joked that it was all right for him to catcall women because he's good-looking. I had another ask me in faux outrage why it was OK for me to describe a cupcake (as in an actual chocolate baked good) as a “seven," but not OK for him to rank women the same way. I was recently at a house party where a group of guys referred to a soundproofed recording studio in the basement as the “rape room" 45 times.

Some of these jokes were a little funny. Some of them really weren't. But they were all endemic of something more sinister, and I honestly don't think the men in question even realize it.

This has made me defensive. It has put me more on my guard than I would like to be.

men, women, community, mental health

Navigating the bar scene.

Photo by Alex Voulgaris on Unsplash

Decent male humans, this is not your fault, but it also does not have nothing to do with you.

If a woman is frosty or standoffish or doesn't laugh at your joke, consider the notion that maybe she is not an uptight, humorless bitch, but rather has had experiences outside your realm of understanding that have adversely colored her perception of the world.

Consider that while you're just joking around, a woman might actually be doing some quick mental math to see if she's going to have to hide in a bathroom stall and call someone to come help her, like I did three days ago.

Please adjust your mindset and your words accordingly.


This article was written by Laura Munoz and originally appeared on 03.08.16.

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