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Family

Married couple swears by the '3-Hour Night' as a relationship game changer

"If you’re stuck in a rut with your evenings — try this!"

relationships, marriage, intimacy, parenting, time management
@racheleehiggins/TikTok

Want out of a relationship rut? The Three hour night might be the perfect solution.




Almost every long term relationship suffers from a rut eventually. That goes especially for married partners who become parents and have the added responsibility of raising kids. Maintaining a connection is hard enough in this busy, fast paced world. Top it off with making sure kids are awake, dressed, entertained, well fed, oh yeah, and alive…and you best believe all you have energy for at the end of the day is sitting on the couch barely making it through one episode on Netflix.

And yet, we know how important it is to maintain a connection with our spouses. Many of us just don’t know how to make that happen while juggling a million other things.

According to one mom, a “three-hour night” could be just the thing to tick off multiple boxes on the to-do list while rekindling romance at the same time. Talk about the ultimate marriage hack.

The three-hour night was something that Rachel Higgins and her husband began incorporating into their lives at the beginning of this year. And so far, “it's been so fun and such like a game changer for how our evenings go,” she says in a clip posted to TikTok.

Before using the three-hour night, the evening would look a bit like this: their daughter would go to bed, they would lounge on the couch, scroll through social media, then fall asleep. Sound familiar?

But with a three hour night, Higgins and her husband divvy up the time before bed into three section, each for a different focus.

In the first hour, starting around 7 p.m., is what Higgins calls “productive time,” during which the couple sees to any household chores that might need to be done.

“So start with like a quick cleanup of the kitchen or just like things that accumulated throughout the day, and then we try to do something that either ... has been being put off or cleaning the bathroom or like organizing the pantry or hall closet or something like, super random like sharpening the knives. Anything that's productive for the household,” she explains.

@rachelleehiggins if you’re stuck in a rut with your evenings try this! i saw someone do something similar to this a while ago but can’t remember who! #marriage #1sttimeparents #newyearsgoals ♬ original sound - Rachel Higgins

Next, the second hour is geared towards re-establishing a physical or emotional connection in their marriage. The phones go away, and they focus only on enjoying one another.

“So, that could be things like showering together or ‘having fun’ together, playing a game together, or just like anything that's gonna get you guys talking and connecting or like debriefing from the day or just like talking about what you're doing and like the plans for tomorrow or like how works going or whatever. So, anything that's gonna connect and strengthen and build your marriage,” Higgins says.

Lastly, the final hour of the night is dedicated towards anything Higgins and her husband individually want to do, any sort of personal recharge activity.

Since this is a judgment free time, Higgins states that “If you just want to lay on the couch and scroll your phone and watch TikToks or whatever like watch YouTube videos,” it’s totally acceptable.

Higgins’ novel approach definitely interested viewers, who chimed in with their own questions. One major concern was how the heck this could be done every night. But even Higgins admits that she and her husband don’t succeed at having a three-hour night every night—they usually try for about 3-4 times a week. And honestly even once a week could still probably be beneficial in building intimacy.

Others wondered how to have a three-hour night when things randomly popped up in their schedule, like when kids won’t magically go to sleep promptly at 7pm. Higgins shares that in these cases, they tend to just shorten each phase. The point being: these can and probably should be customizable, even fun, rather than yet another rigid chore.

Plus, a three hour night (or whatever your version of a three-hour night may be) is a great way to remind yourself just how high of a priority your relationship has in your life…no matter what else is going on at the time. Odds are you'll probably find you do have more time for it than you previously thought when you set aside time for it.


This article originally appeared on 1.8.24

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Joy

People born between 1954 and 1965 are thrilled to learn they're not boomers, but 'Gen Jones'

"Whaaat? There's a name for us? I have never felt like a real boomer—or Xer! I feel normal for once!"

Photo credits: Michelle Obama, Montclair Film, Georges Biard

Michelle Obama, Stephen Colbert and Michelle Yeoh are all Gen Jonesers.

The Silent Generation. Baby boomers. Gen X. Millennials. Gen Z. Gen Alpha. Social science and pop culture commentators have spent decades grouping and analyzing the different generations, assigning various qualities, habits and tendencies to each age group.

But some people don’t identify with their generation, or at least these particular categories of them. Those on the cusp between two generations often feel like neither aligns with who they are..

That’s where Generation Jones comes in.

Like the Xennials that straddle Gen X and millennials, Generation Jones are not quite boomers but not quite Gen X. For most of their lives, those born between 1954 and 1965 have been lumped in with the baby boomers, but culturally they’ve never quite fit. They were too young to be involved in the major civil rights, women’s liberation and Vietnam war movements of the 60s, instead witnessing those social upheavals through children’s eyes. But they were also too old to identify with the Gen X latchkey kid angst.

Jonathan Pontell is the television producer, director, and writer who named Generation Jones and explained what made them unique. “We fill the space between Woodstock and Lollapalooza, between the Paris student riots and the anti-globalisation protests, and between Dylan going electric and Nirvana going unplugged,” he wrote in Politico in 2009.

He also explained why Gen Jonesers make good leaders:

“What makes us Jonesers also makes us uniquely positioned to bring about a new era in international affairs. Our practical idealism was created by witnessing the often unrealistic idealism of the 1960s. And we weren’t engaged in that era’s ideological battles; we were children playing with toys while Boomers argued over issues. Our non-ideological pragmatism allows us to resolve intra-Boomer skirmishes and to bridge that volatile Boomer-GenXer divide. We can lead.”

Many Generation Jonesers have never felt like they had a generational home and are thrilled to learn they actually do have one. Check out how Upworthy readers responded with glee upon discovering they were a part of Gen Jones:

"Thank you! As a definite Gen Jones, I completely relate to this. To young to be a hippy, therefore was never a yuppy, but too old to be Gen X. Gen Jones works just fine."

"I have said for decades that I must be a transitional person into Gen X, because I don’t relate to boomers! I appreciate them, but I am not one of them. I am glad someone finally named my generation!"

"There are definite differences between people born in the 1940s/1950s and those of us born in the early 1960s. Most of us born in the early 1960s do not remember the JFK assassination and we were much too young to participate in Woodstock. The older Boomers were already established in their careers and as homeowners with families in the 1980s when we were in our 20s just starting out and ready to buy our first home. While the older Boomers experienced reasonable mortgage interest rates, the early 1960s Boomers faced mortgage interest rates averaging 14 percent in the 1980s which made it more difficult for us to buy our first home. We definitely need an additional group between Boomers and Gen X, and Generation Jones fits the bill."

"I was born 6 days before 1960…. I’ve felt out of touch with a lot of the boomer life descriptions, and not Gen X enough to fit in there. I’ll take Generation Jones."

"1957 here, with older siblings born before 1950. I definitely did not have the same experience growing up that they had. I feel I can identify a little with Boomers and a little with the Gen X experience, so there’s some overlap. (BTW, Gen X needs to stop claiming that they’re the first to have experienced all the things we grew up with. Kids, you didn’t invent drinking out of the garden hose or playing outside until the streetlights came on. Sheesh!) Glad to be a Joneser."

"Of course there is a difference between people raised in the 1950’s and people raised and coming of age in the 1960’s and 1970’s. Society changed a lot in those three decades."

"This is my generation but I never knew we had a name! The description fits perfectly."

Congrats on finding your people, Gen Jones. It's your time to shine.

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Pop Culture

Couple expecting twins asks folks to come up with the funniest fake names imaginable

These did not disappoint.

Photo credit: Canva

Hey, Mary-Kate and Ashley already worked for one set of twins, didn't it?

Naming a baby isn’t the easiest thing that new parents will experience, and subjecting themselves to the well intentioned, but not so helpful input of others is one of the many aspects that makes the whole process really stressful.

That of course goes double for naming twins.

Everyone has an opinion on how matching, catchy or avant garde twin names should be, but outside opinions are rarely what parents need—especially when they didn’t ask for it. Imagine finally coming up with not one, but two perfect monikers meant to represent the two humans you’re bringing into the word ostensibly for their entire life, and someone completely raining on that parade. Doesn’t sound like new parent bliss.

And that’s why one couple decided to come up with a list of fake twin names to give to any inquiring minds.

Over in the r/namenerds subreddit, the couple shared that Tom and Jerry, Ben and Holly, Charlie and Lola and Ant and Dec had already been jotted down, and asked folks to share their own ideas.

The answers did not disappoint.


Funny twin names
byu/LoadingTrolly innamenerds


Of the celebrity name variety, Mary-Kate and Ashley was the top suggested, followed by Taylor and Travis, Lucy and Desi, Cheech and Chong, Penn and Teller.

Then there were music-inspired choices, like Tu and Pac, Wayne and Garth, Sonny and Cher, Ike and Tina and Pink and Floyd.

Plus a few names based on historical figures, like Antony and Cleopatra and Bonnie and Clyde.

Of the twin names inspired by children’s shows, we had Snoopy and Woodstock, Zack and Cody Phineas and Ferb, Anna and Elsa, He-man and She-Ra Bluey and Bingo Fred & Barney Burt & Ernie, Even a few video game references with Mario & Luigi and Link and Zelda. And of course, Ken and Barbie.

There were quite a few names based on literary icons. Be it authors, like Nora and Robert, Lewis and Carol, Agatha and Christie, Stephen and Kingsley, Jane and Austen, James & Joyce and William and Blake. Or characters like Hansel and Gretel, Jack and Jill, Cinderella and Prince (Charming) ,Thor and Loki, Nancy & Drew, and Romeo and Juliet . For the last one, it was suggested to “feign total ignorance that they’re not related” for added comedic effect.

Next category: Movies/TV shows inspired names, which included Wednesday and Pugsley, Ross and Monica, Bart and Lisa, Cersei and Jaime (yikes!) and Luke and Leia.

“I honestly don’t think anyone would be shocked if I suggested Luke and Leia 🤣 That’s definitely going at the top of the list,” the OP commented.

And from there, things descended into absurdity with suggestions like Easy-Peasy and Lemon-Squeezy, Copy and Paste, Dayquil and Nyquil, Gin & Tonic, Merlot & Chardonnay, Beavis and Butthead (especially if for twin girls).

One last honorable mention goes to the person who shared, “My partner and I always joke that we’d tell everyone they were Yanni & Laurel after that internet ‘they sound the same’ thing that went around in 2020.”

Ultimately, naming twins needs the same kind of considerations that all baby names do, which is to think about the real world implication their name might have beyond childhood. There’s just the added challenge of choosing between complete individuality or by acknowledging the unique sibling bond. No choice is necessarily better or worse than the other.

Regardless, this couple has plenty of hilarious fake names to add to their decoy list. Mission accomplished.

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Family

Heartbroken wife files for divorce after DNA test reveals 2-year-old son isn't hers

She first became suspicious when her son didn't have blue eyes.

via Liza Summer and Liza Summer

A woman in distress contemplates her future.

It’s pretty common to hear a story about a man whose life is turned upside down after a DNA test proves that he’s not the father of a child he thought was his. However, hearing a mother dealing with the same scenario is rare. That’s why a recent post on Reddit has so many people talking.

A user named ThrowRA-3xbetrayal claims that a DNA test shows her husband is the father of the 2-year-old boy they’ve raised but she isn’t the biological mother.

The story began 6 years ago when the couple tried to conceive but had no luck. The woman then discovered she had a “medical condition” that meant she couldn’t bring a baby to term, which resulted in a partial hysterectomy. The woman, who refers to herself as the family’s “breadwinner” took on multiple jobs to pay a surrogate to have their child.

“I still had my ovaries so we started looking into cost of a surrogate. It is really expensive! My close friend since college who'd already had 2 kids of her own, offered to serve as the surrogate for us to cut down on costs. After two disappointing IVF sessions that did not result in pregnancy, she became pregnant on the 3rd try and carried a boy to term for us,” ThrowRA-3xbetrayal wrote.

The couple was over the moon after the birth of the boy and the surrogate became a bigger part of their lives.

dna test, paternity test, maternity testA woman in distress being comforted.via Liza Summer

“My friend and my husband started talking more and I would sometimes come home from my weekend job to find her already hanging out at our house when my husband was there,” ThrowRA-3xbetrayal wrote. “I chalked it up as innocuous and it's good for her to know my husband better since she was in the process of hopefully carrying our child for us. I was grateful to have someone helping us have a child.”

But the mother became suspicious because the baby’s eyes were brown when she and her husband’s were blue.

The mother took the child to a doctor’s appointment and she received some devastating news. She discovered that her son’s blood type is B+ while his father’s is O+ and She is A+. The doctor said it was “biologically impossible” for her son to have that blood type given his parents’.

ThrowRA-3xbetrayal thought the fertility clinic made a horrible mistake. She took a DNA test and found that her husband was the boy’s father, but she was not the mother. “Then my husband confessed that he'd slept with my friend (our surrogate) on a few different occasions during our struggle to have her get pregnant with our embryos,” ThrowRA-3xbetrayal wrote. “This means what I thought was our son conceived by IVF and carried with a surrogate isn't my son at all and was, in fact, conceived the old-fashioned way, which I can't ever do.”

The woman says that the terrible news felt like a triple betrayal. The woman has decided to divorce her husband and wants to give up any parental rights to the child. Her husband, the surrogate and her family all believe that she’s wrong to give up rights to the child that she’s raised for 2 years.

She asked Reddit’s AITA forum to tell her if she was in the wrong and the community responded with overwhelmingly positive support, affirming her tough decision.

dna test, paternity test, maternity testA happy toddler playing on the beach. via Taryn Elliott/Pexels

The most popular commenter said that she should sue the surrogate for taking her money without having her baby. “One of the things that gets me is that you were working extra jobs to pay for the surrogacy which I am assuming included her medical bills and financially supporting her. I would speak to a solicitor about suing her for your money back. She knew that if she was having sex then there was always a chance that the child was biologically hers,” they wrote.

Another affirmed the wife’s decision to leave her husband and to surrender any parental rights. “He cheated... it's not yours. I will absolutely tell you what I tell men posting this. It would be wonderful if you love the kid enough to stay, but if you're in shock and damaged too much to do so, you aren't the A**le for walking away,” they wrote.

Another pointed out that if a man were in this position, no one would judge him for giving up his parental rights. “If these roles were reversed and you were a man saying that his wife had cheated and had another man’s baby, people would have no problem telling him that he’s within his rights to leave and have nothing to do with the child if he doesn’t want to,” the commenter wrote.

If the story that ThrowRA-3xbetrayal wrote tells is true, it’s an incredible tragedy. She fought so hard to have a child only to realize she was living a lie two years later. So, let’s hope she found some solace in the hundreds of people who supported her decision to move on with her life while also sharing some great advice on going forward.

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‘Didn’t qualify for the Olympics’ sports fail videos are even better than the real events

So much more relatable than the actual Olympics.

Photo by Oliver Sjöström/Pexels

Not everyone can be an Olympian.

Watching the Olympics is always an inspiring reminder of the incredible human ability to push the boundaries of excellence and achievement in sports. It can also be a good reminder of the utter inability the vast majority of us have to even come close to the feats those athletes perform.

There's a funny phenomenon with the Olympics where we all become overnight armchair experts in every sport, critiquing diving teams' synchronicity and rock climbers' foot placement and gymnasts' landings as if we have any idea what we're talking about. And there's also the phenomenon where, somewhere in our bodies, we feel like we might actually be able to do backflips on a balance beam or butterfly stroke our way across a pool or run 100 meters in 10 seconds.

Of course, the truth is we can't. It takes years and years of intense training to be able to do what Olympians do, and the rest of us aren't even in the same universe of skill and physical ability as they are. That's where the "didn't quality for the 2024 Olympics" viral video trend comes in, offering a hilariously humbling reality check for us all.

When elite athletes make their sport look easy, it's easy to forget how hard what they do actually is. Seeing people blunder their way through it, though, makes the difficulty painfully clear. So when people started sharing videos of sports fails on social media, tagging them with the captions along the lines of, "Unfortunately didn't qualify for the 2024 Olympic team," it became a hilarious viral celebration of human un-achievement.

For instance, this:


@sky.to.swaggy

surprised they didnt ask me to come out of retirement 🤷‍♀️ If @Simone Biles comments I’ll go back to gymnastics #olympics2024paris #gymnastics #simonebiles


And this:

@bellitabaute

Training for LA 2028!! #2024olympics

And this:

@sweetpotatoes2006

maybe next olympics😢

Sometimes you don't make it because maybe you're just a little too powerful.

@marshalls_life

i gave it my best shot tho! #paris2024 #olympics #fail #fyp


This girl is all of us after watching the diving events, mistakenly thinking we could do some of what they do.

@www.ihaveacrushonyou

maybe next year ! 😪#olympics #iwillbethenextsteelejohnson or #simonebiles

From high jump and pole vault fails to balls and bodies bouncing in ways they aren't supposed to, this trend has people wincing but rolling at the examples of why Olympians are Olympians and the rest of us are the rest of us.

Of course, even Olympic athletes have epic fails of their own sometimes, which only serves to prove how difficult it is to get to their level but and execute their skills perfectly each time. All the more reason to appreciate their talent and hard work and perhaps to be a bit humbler in our critiques from the couch.

Here's to humans who do extraordinary things—and to humans who find humor in all the epic fails it takes to get there.

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Health

'Thank you for believing her': Mechanic makes discovery helping woman afraid of stalker

She was right to trust her instincts.

via Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

A mechanic looks under a woman's car.

A video posted by a mechanic who goes by Tooey’s Garage on TikTok shows why it’s so important to listen to people who fear they are in danger. It’s also a great reminder that when you suspect something creepy is going on, tell someone about it.

It all started when a woman came to Tooey’s Garage because she thought her car had a tracker attached. "The customer stated that she suspected a tracker was in her vehicle and asked if we could take a look,” Tooey captioned the video.

Apple AirTags and Tiles allow people to attach a small tag to their important items (car keys, wallet, luggage, cars, etc.) to track them if they get lost. The tags report back to an app that allows you to find them on a map. If these items are stolen, the owners can make the tag chirp so the thieves know they’re being tracked.

However, people can use these tags for nefarious reasons, such as stalking people by placing them on their cars. This allows them to know wherever their victim may be whenever they leave the house.

airtags, tiles, tracker devideTile tracker devices.via Dennis Sylvester Hurd/Flickr

The woman who came to Tooey’s Garage said she got an alert on her phone that an “unidentifiable tile” was following her around. So Tooey searched the inside of her car for hours and found nothing. Then he put the car up on a rack and searched the underside, where he found a tracker wrapped in duct tape and attached to the vehicle in a magnetic hide-a-key box.

The woman told Tooey that the person she suspected was stalking her had put trackers on other people’s cars as well.

@tooeys.garage

Customer stated that she suspected a tracker was in her vehicle, and asked if we could take a look. We looked inside 1st then put it on a lift once one opened up. The tile tracker was attached under the car in a magnetic key box. #creepy #creeper #stalker #mechanicsoftiktok #mechanic #fypage #gethelp @Life360 @Tile #fixed #life360

“If you feel like someone might be creeping on you and stalking you, maybe see if your local shop can take a look. Hopefully, they won’t think you’re crazy, but it does actually happen,” Tooey said at the end of the video.

People in the video's comments praised the mechanic for taking the woman’s concerns seriously and doing whatever he could to find the tracker. “Y'all are awesome for not only believing her but also helping her!” one commenter wrote. “Thank you for believing her AND being so thorough!” another added.

One commenter made a great point: trackers should be traceable back to the purchaser to prevent stalking. “The owner should be able to have that device tracked back to the purchaser and have them charged with stalking!” they wrote.

Tooey’s video has been seen over 3 million times, and it’s an important warning for people to get their cars looked at immediately if they have even the slightest suspicion that they’re being tracked. It’s also a great example for mechanics to take action if someone comes into their shop looking for a tracker because they could be in great danger.

Kudos to Tooey for going out of his way to help the woman by spending much of his workday trying to locate the tracker. Without his help, the situation could have turned tragic.







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