upworthy
More

Think you can't be gay and Muslim? You should see this powerful photo series.

Lia Darjes, a Berlin-based photographer, admits she went into her latest photo project with one wrong impression.

Can you truly be at peace identifying as both Muslim and LGBTQ? She wasn't so sure.

"At the point when I started working on this project, I myself did not think that there are queer Muslims who manage to reconcile those two parts of their identities," she says.

Darjes learned, however, she was wrong.

Her series, "Being Queer. Feeling Muslim," which she shot between 2013 and 2015, captures faces and stories of LGBTQ Muslims living in Europe and North America.

As evidenced by the seven photos below, queer Muslims — an often underrepresented and misunderstood group — deserve for their diverse and eye-opening stories to be heard by a world that often fails to listen.

1. Ludovic, from Paris, said being gay and Muslim opened his eyes to the injustice faced by many oppressed groups.

All photos by Lia Darjes.

"In 2012, after I did not find one single imam in France who was willing to bury a transsexual Muslim, I founded a mosque that is inclusive and open to all in Paris. The reactions were quite vehement. Being Muslim, Arabic and gay and thus a member of several minority groups opened my eyes: Minorities are being discriminated against particularly in times of economic crisis. We have to know more about Islam, and we have to understand who we actually are in order to fight homophobia." — Ludovic

2. Samira, from Toronto, doesn't understand why others can't see that Muslims are just as diverse as Christians.

“I am from a country where it is punishable by death to be gay. 1979, when the Islamic Revolution began, my family immigrated to Canada, where I grew up pretty secular; maybe that was why I never had that moment of a coming out with my parents, I think they always knew that I am a lesbian. When 9/11 happened, all of a sudden I became Muslim — not because I was behaving differently but because people saw me differently. Just one look at my name and people act differently. Why don’t they understand that there are so many different ways of Islam in different countries, different traditions, different shapes? Why can they accept it for Christianity and Judaism but not for Islam?” — Samira

3. Joey, from Los Angeles, used to be an atheist, but one powerful novel opened his eyes to Islam.

“I was a pretty strong atheist and then I came across a copy of Michael Muhammad Knight’s novel, ‘The Taqwacores,’ about a fictional Muslim punk movement that kind of became true after being published. I purchased it, read it in just a couple of days and it opened my eyes a lot more to the religion. … In a way, I was very orthodox in my thoughts when putting the LGBT community and Islam together. Because on first sight, it looks dark when you look in the Quran and the Hadiths, it clearly can’t be OK. But then you can read other sources, other verses of the Quran, other Hadiths, and it gets clear that it is all a question of how you decide to interpret it.” — Joey

4. Amin, from Los Angeles, sometimes feels as though he's fighting two battles in the LGBTQ and Muslim communities.

“I find myself in the middle of two fronts – sometimes fighting within the Muslim community for more tolerance of LGBT people, and at other times fighting queer people and non-Muslims against the rampant Islamophobia in this country. I feel like I’m obligated to educate people on both sides. At the same time, I don’t feel the need to be validated by anyone. I don’t feel any great inner turmoil because of the various components of my identity. Like, I don’t necessarily feel excited by the prospect of a mosque for gay people. If there was a big mosque and people went and prayed together, I would still feel uncomfortable – gay or not. But I feel like people should have the right to do that. Is that weird? It sounds like I am in denial, doesn’t it?” — Amin

5. El-Farouk, and his husband, Troy, from Toronto, believe the Quran advocates for the acceptance of LGBTQ people.

"Where I am at today is not necessarily where I started. And I could tell you where I am now and it would sound rather a happy place. But the journey to that place has not been an easy one. I started with the notion that it was sinful [to be gay] and that those who practiced it were problematic at best. But that didn’t quite sort of seem right in the larger construct of the Quran and the Prophet that I believed to be true and actually had been taught. I don’t believe that homosexuality is a sin because sexuality in Islam is not a sin. Sexuality is something that God has given. And in verse 49.13. Allah says, ‘I created you to different nations and tribes and you may know and learn from each other.’ I just see queer folk as one of those nations or tribes." — El-Farouk

6. Sara, from New York, has always felt empowered by — not limited by — her Muslim faith.

“Islam has never been a part of my life that I felt limited by, it has always been a source of strength. I feel that I come out as Muslim rather than coming out as queer. Many people have a very strong preconception of what a Muslim woman looks like and how she behaves. And though, when I actually share this with people as something that is really important to me, they are often very confused.” — Sara

7. Jason, from Los Angeles, says converting to Islam was initially about connecting to God.

“When I converted to Islam a couple of years ago, [being gay] wasn’t an issue for me. I had just realized that I wanted to be a Muslim, and being a Muslim at that moment, as a very early young Muslim, it was all about my connection with God, and getting close to God. A month later, I realized that I needed to look to what the Quran and everybody says about being gay. … And everything was extremely negative, very, very negative. And it was very disturbing to me.” — Jason

Everywhere she went, Darjes found "people who wanted to be visible, who wanted to share their stories and ideas," she says.

Homophobia and transphobia are often used as tools to discriminate against queer Muslims. But by giving others a platform through her photo series, Darjes — who is straight, cisgender (non-transgender), and does not practice Islam — says she hopes her subjects help shift broader attitudes when it comes to accepting LGBTQ people of minority faiths.

"Breaking stereotypes," she notes, "has always been something that interests me."

To see more photos in "Being Queer. Feeling Muslim," visit Darjes' website.

Update: Some of the quotes in this article were updated on April14, 2017.

Badge
Adobe
Adobe
Technology

Here’s how one nonprofit org is using Adobe to change the world

Adobe empowers nonprofits to fundraise, advocate, and further their missions.

True

In 2024, it’s practically impossible to function as a nonprofit without the right digital resources. Nonprofits use computer systems and applications for things like education, fundraising, engaging clients, and communicating with donors. However, with limited funding and expertise, it's often difficult to get the digital tools they need to fully support their missions.

The planet needs nonprofit organizations, and nonprofits need better digital tools. For decades, Adobe has provided nonprofits with the tools they need to fulfill their mission—helping them with everything from social media advocacy to educational videos to graphic design. Now, Adobe is offering the pro version of Adobe Acrobat for Nonprofits, the most requested and comprehensive set of document and e-signature tools, for just $15 per user per year, which represents a 94% annual savings off the regular price. This will make it easier than ever for nonprofits to streamline business processes and increase their impact with engaging educational and fundraising assets – from annual reports, contracts and grant submissions to brochures and white papers.

Keep reading to hear more about how Adobe helped one nonprofit improve efficiencies and giveback potential – and how you can start using Adobe tools today for your organization.

A nonprofit success story

Albert Manero, a mechanical engineer and graduate of the University of Central Florida, founded Limbitless Solutions, Inc., as a passion project in a small lab. Today, Limbitless is celebrating its 10-year anniversary and has grown into an interdisciplinary team based at the University of Central Florida in Orlando that includes 50 interns with nine different fields of expertise. Their mission? To inspire and empower underserved communities through creative, accessible technology.

Manero and his team of experts create bionic, 3D-printed arms for children with limb differences. Combining visual storytelling with art and engineering, the Limbitless team wants children with limb differences to feel included and capable, while at the same time, able to express their personal identity more fully. Developing bionic arms covered in flowers or designed like Iron Man’s armor, kids with these bionic limbs can not only grip objects, hold hands and more, but can feel empowered to be themselves.

Using Adobe to make a difference

Limbitless, like many others, has utilized Adobe for Nonprofits offerings, which gives nonprofit organizations access to Adobe programs at a deeply discounted rate, including access programs like Adobe Illustrator, Adobe Express and Adobe Acrobat as well as Adobe’s 3D tools.

Adobe solutions are the oil that keeps organizations running smoothly behind the scenes. For the grant application and reporting processes, employees at Limbitless have credited Adobe Acrobat with helping the team secure funding and communicating clearly with donors and partners. With Acrobat, they’re able to create, edit, and manage PDF documents that look professional and polished. The company has also transitioned most of its internal documentation to digital formats using Acrobat. This includes everything from design blueprints, brand guidelines, intern contracts, and user manuals for bionic limbs.

Better tech for a better future

In addition to helping day-to-day operations run smoothly, Adobe has also helped bring Limbitless’ mission of inclusion and accessibility outside of office walls.

Using Adobe Express, the fast and easy create-anything app, Limbitless has been able to create quick how-to videos for young patients and their families that showcase how to use their bionic limbs, as well as a series of videos promoting STEAM (science, technology, engineering art and math) education. The company’s Operations, Advocacy, and Logistics team utilizes Express as well, developing content and visual assets for their social media accounts. Recently, Limbitless partnered with the Adobe Express’ Animate Characters team to create six unique, limb-different selectable avatar characters for their educational outreach and social media campaigns.

And Adobe is helping Limbitless empower kids with limb differences, too: Limbitless’ comic series, Bionic Kid, was created using Adobe Illustrator and features a superhero with limb differences who uses a Limbitless prosthetic arm. This inspired a fundraising concept initiated from the idea by a Limbitless prosthetic recipient Zachary Pamboukas, which has been used in fundraising efforts for more bionic arms and has already raised over $20,000.

Inside the organization and out, Adobe is enabling people to reach their full potential, contributing to better nonprofit organizations and, overall, a better world.

Learn more about the new Adobe Acrobat for Nonprofits offering and explore more ways Adobe can help your organization today.

From Your Site Articles
Innovation

Astronaut shares the profound 'big lie' he realized after seeing the Earth from space

This change in perspective could change humanity.

via Rubén Moreno Montolíu/Flickr

Our home, from space.

Sixty-one years ago, Yuri Gagarin became the first human to make it into space and probably the first to experience what scientists now call the "overview effect." This change occurs when people see the world from far above and notice that it’s a place where “borders are invisible, where racial, religious and economic strife are nowhere to be seen.”

The overview effect makes man’s squabbles with one another seem incredibly petty and presents the planet as it truly is, one interconnected organism.

In a compelling interview with Big Think, astronaut, author and humanitarian Ron Garan explains how if more of us developed this planetary perspective we could fix much of what ails humanity and the planet.

Garan has spent 178 days in space and traveled more than 71 million miles in 2,842 orbits. From high above, he realized that the planet is a lot more fragile than he thought.

“When I looked out the window of the International Space Station, I saw the paparazzi-like flashes of lightning storms, I saw dancing curtains of auroras that seemed so close it was as if we could reach out and touch them. And I saw the unbelievable thinness of our planet's atmosphere. In that moment, I was hit with the sobering realization that that paper-thin layer keeps every living thing on our planet alive,” Garan said in the video.

“I saw an iridescent biosphere teeming with life,” he continues. “I didn't see the economy. But since our human-made systems treat everything, including the very life-support systems of our planet, as the wholly owned subsidiary of the global economy, it's obvious from the vantage point of space that we're living a lie.”

It was at that moment he realized that humanity needs to reevaluate its priorities.

“We need to move from thinking economy, society, planet to planet, society, economy. That's when we're going to continue our evolutionary process,” he added.

Garan says that we are paying a very “high price” as a civilization for our inability to develop a more planetary perspective and that it’s a big reason why we’re failing to solve many of our problems. Even though our economic activity may improve quality of life on one end, it’s also disasterous for the planet that sustains our lives.

It’s like cutting off our nose to spite our face.

Actor William Shatner had a similar experience to Garan's when he traveled into space.

"It was among the strongest feelings of grief I have ever encountered," Shatner wrote. "The contrast between the vicious coldness of space and the warm nurturing of Earth below filled me with overwhelming sadness. Every day, we are confronted with the knowledge of further destruction of Earth at our hands: the extinction of animal species, of flora and fauna … things that took five billion years to evolve, and suddenly we will never see them again because of the interference of mankind."

“We're not going to have peace on Earth until we recognize the basic fact of the interrelated structure of all reality,” Garan said.

However dire the situation looks from the surface of Earth, the astronaut has hope that we can collectively evolve in consciousness and wake up and embrace a larger reality. “And when we can evolve beyond a two-dimensional us versus them mindset, and embrace the true multi-dimensional reality of the universe that we live in, that's when we're going to no longer be floating in darkness … and it's a future that we would all want to be a part of. That's our true calling.”


This article originally appeared two years ago.

From Your Site Articles
space
Modern Families

Grandma has the perfect solution for grandparents who buy too many gifts for their grandkids

This is an all too common issue, especially around the holidays.

@morethangrand/TikTok

Gift giving should feel good for the giver and the receiver. But around the holidays, it can be a major cause of stress.

DeeDee Moore, a grandma behind the website More Than Grand, recently shared on the organization's TikTok account that “too much stuff” given from grandparents to their grandkids is one of the main sources of holiday frustration for parents.

“75% of the parents that we surveyed wished grandparents would respect their wishes about gifts,” she explained, noting that while there are myriad reasons why this would be the case, the most common one (and incidentally the one most "waved off” by the grandparents) is the lack of physical space to accommodate.

However, when Moore breaks down the math, it’s a bit hard to deny.

“Say your grandson has four other grandparents and four aunts and uncles. Each of these people get him one gift for a second birthday. That’s already nine gifts plus something for mom and dad. We’re up to 10,” she said.

“If all of those grandparents buy him three things, and two of the aunts get him a little extra something, that’s 22 presents for a 2 year old who would be just as happy with a box.”

Yikes, gotta admit that’s a lot. And that’s not counting the additional problems too much gift-giving can incite listed on the More Than Grand website, which included:

Undermining the parent’s values that they are trying to instill to their children

Damaging a child’s ability to use their imagination

Normalizing overconsumption

Teaching children to associate seeing grandma or grandpa with getting a gift, rather than focusing on the actual relationship

These are all good points, and yet, what to do with all those good intentions and a desire to spoil some precious little nugget? Luckily, Moore has the perfect fix.

“While your grandchildren are faced with getting too many gifts, many children are in the opposite situation. Take some of the things you bought to Toys for Tots or another organization that provides gifts for less fortunate families.”

This allows folks to step into the “true spirit of giving,” Moore concluded.

Viewers by and large seemed to agree, though many also noted how powerful experiential or future-building gifts could be, even if they're not as cute as toys.

“My in-laws opened up a college fund for both my kids. Instead of stuff they put more money in the account. I’m so grateful!” one person wrote.

Another added, “I am giving experiences and putting money in an account for future needs (college, 1st house, starting business, etc).”

In the vein, here are two other tips grandparents can use for intentional gift-giving…

First and foremost: open up a discussion with the parents. See if they need help with a big ticket item, find out which hobby or sport the child is interested in, ask what’s a definite “no.” this can save a lot of headaches for everyone.

Second: prioritize memories over stuff. A trip to the zoo, an education membership, a ticket for two to the movies…these are often the gifts that truly keep on giving.

And grandparents, don’t forget: just because you’re honoring boundaries, it doesn't mean you have to pass up that sweet little something you see in the aisles. It can easily go to a little one who could really use it.

For even more tip on all things grandparenting, give More Than Grand a follow here.

From Your Site Articles
grandparents
Family

Researchers studied kindergarteners' behavior and followed up 19 years later. Here are the findings.

Every parent wants to see their kid get good grades in school. But now we know social success is just as important.

Image from Pixabay.

Big smiles in class at kindergarten.


Every parent wants to see their kid get good grades in school. But now we know social success is just as important. From an early age, we're led to believe our grades and test scores are the key to everything — namely, going to college, getting a job, and finding that glittery path to lifelong happiness and prosperity.

It can be a little stressful. But a study showed that when children learn to interact effectively with their peers and control their emotions, it can have an enormous impact on how their adult lives take shape. And according to the study, kids should be spending more time on these skills in school.

Nope, it's not hippie nonsense. It's science.

Kindergarten teachers evaluated the kids with a portion of something called the Social Competence Scale by rating statements like "The child is good at understanding other's feelings" on a handy "Not at all/A little/Moderately well/Well/Very well" scale.

The research team used these responses to give each kid a "social competency score," which they then stored in what I assume was a manila folder somewhere for 19 years, or until each kid was 25. At that point, they gathered some basic information about the now-grown-ups and did some fancy statistical stuff to see whether their early social skills held any predictive value.

Here's what they found.

1. Those good test scores we covet? They still matter, but maybe not for the reasons we thought.

Back To School GIF by IFC - Find & Share on GIPHY

education, research, competency, kids

Meeting high expectations...

Billy Madison GIF from Giphy

Traditional thinking says that if a kid gets good grades and test scores, he or she must be really smart, right? After all, there is a proven correlation between having a better GPA in high school and making more money later in life.

But what that test score doesn't tell you is how many times a kid worked with a study partner to crack a tough problem, or went to the teacher for extra help, or resisted the urge to watch TV instead of preparing for a test.

The researchers behind this project wrote, "Success in school involves both social-emotional and cognitive skills, because social interactions, attention, and self-control affect readiness for learning."

That's a fancy way of saying that while some kids may just be flat-out brilliant, most of them need more than just smarts to succeed. Maybe it wouldn't hurt spending a little more time in school teaching kids about the social half of the equation.

2. Skills like sharing and cooperating pay off later in life.

Adam Sandler Pee GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

friendship, movies, GPA, emotional maturity

Adam Sandler helps out a friend dealing with a stressful situations.

Billy Madison GIF from Giphy

We know we need to look beyond GPA and state-mandated testing to figure out which kids are on the right path. That's why the researchers zeroed in so heavily on that social competency score.

What they found probably isn't too surprising: Kids who related well to their peers, handled their emotions better, and were good at resolving problems went on to have more successful lives.

What's surprising is just how strong the correlation was.

An increase of a single point in social competency score showed a child would be 54% more likely to earn a high school diploma, twice as likely to graduate with a college degree, and 46% more likely to have a stable, full-time job at age 25.

The kids who were always stealing toys, breaking things, and having meltdowns? More likely to have run-ins with the law and substance abuse problems.

The study couldn't say for sure that strong or poor social skills directly cause any of these things. But we can say for sure that eating too much glue during arts and crafts definitely doesn't help.

3. Social behaviors can be learned and unlearned — meaning it's never too late to change.

social behavior, social skills, learning, positive social traits

Adam Sandler GIF of getting his groove on.

Billy Madison GIF from Giphy

The researchers called some of these pro-social behaviors like sharing and cooperating "malleable," or changeable.

Let's face it: Some kids are just never going to be rocket scientists. Turns out there are physical differences in our brains that make learning easier for some people than others. But settling disputes with peers? That's something kids (and adults) can always continue to improve on.

And guess what? For a lot of kids, these behaviors come from their parents. The more you're able to demonstrate positive social traits like warmth and empathy, the better off your kids will be.

So can we all agree to stop yelling at people when they take the parking spot we wanted?

But what does it all mean?

This study has definite limitations, which its researchers happily admit. While it did its best to control for as many environmental factors as possible, it ultimately leans pretty heavily on whether a teacher thought a kid was just "good" or "very good" at a given trait.

Still, the 19-year study paints a pretty clear picture: Pro-social behavior matters, even at a young age. And because it can be learned, it's a great "target for prevention or intervention efforts."

The bottom line? We need to do more than just teach kids information. We need to invest in teaching them how to relate to others and how to handle the things they're feeling inside.

Ignoring social skills in our curricula could have huge ramifications for our kids down the road.


This article originally appeared nine years ago.

From Your Site Articles

Is Cocomelon ruining kids? Parents and experts weigh in.

Baby JJ just can't stay out of the headlines.

*Hajee/Flickr & Unsplash

When my oldest daughter was little, Cocomelon wasn't the sensation it is today. It didn't take over on YouTube until around 2018 and it didn't show up on Netflix until 2020. We discovered it around the time my youngest was born, and it was a lifesaver! What an amazing tool to have in our arsenal when we needed a break from chasing her around or needed her to sit still and eat for a few minutes.

She absolutely devoured it, and I never had an issue with JJ and the gang being on in the background. The show had cute songs, bright colors, and seemed to have some light teaching elements that I liked (letters, manners, eating fruits and vegetables, that kind of thing). Little did I know that Cocomelon was actually the most destructive show on television. At least, according to some parents and experts.

More and more has come out in recent years about Cocomelon's methods and how they're able to make their content so sticky.

The show is meticulously engineered to hold the attention of babies and toddlers. Everything is intentional, from the bright colors to the frequent cuts and scene changes.

In fact, during testing, Moonbug Entertainment (the producers behind the show) use something called a "Distractatron" to measure exactly when they're losing kids' attention. Basically, the Distractatron is a screen with mundane real-world footage rolling on it next to the episode they're testing. When kids look away from the show to watch whatever boring thing is being shown on the Distractatron, producers know they can tweak those moments in the episodes to make them more engaging.

Or addicting, depending on how you look at it.

There's a growing chorus of parents online that think this kind of testing and optimization is not just icky, but truly harmful.

Some even accuseCocomelon of causing or contributing to serious lifelong issues like delayed speech, ADHD, and even Autism.

People claim it turns kids into zombies and that they show symptoms of withdrawal when you make them turn it off.

The experts have weighed in, too: Cocomelon isn't necessarily great for kids, but it might be getting a bad rap.

"Cocomelon is very stimulating thus it really draws in the attention of children and it is also faster paced than some other shows for children which can make it more addictive," says Dr. Maya Weir of Thriving California.

The bright colors and quit camera cuts definitely contribute to the dopamine reward response in children, which makes watching it feel extra exciting. It can also make them really not want to turn the show off.

But... it's probably misguided to single out Cocomelon in particular.

"All screens and tv shows are attention grabbing and addictive for children. Any show will activate dopamine which will create the child to desire the show again and again. I don't think it is appropriate for parents to attribute speech delay, autism and ADHD to watching Cocomelon," says Weir.

Let's say that again for the folks in the back.

Watching TV, even hyper-optimized shows like Cocomelon, will not give your kids ADHD or autism.

It is worth having a look at how much overall screentime your kids are getting, however, whether it's with Cocomelon, another show, or a mix of different content.

"Highly stimulating shows like Cocomelon can make quieter activities feel as exciting as watching paint dry," says Veronica West, psychologist at My Thriving Mind. "That doesn’t mean it causes ADHD or speech delays, but too much screen time can crowd out important interactions like chatting, playing, and, you know, digging through the trash when you’re not looking. So, let’s blame screen overuse, not just JJ and his catchy tunes."

Screentime guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics are a good starting point. For kids 2-5, they recommend keep it to an hour or less per day.

Parents panicking over TV shows is nothing new. And it's totally understandable.

Anyone remember when Barney was thought to be subliminally sending satanic messages to kids through songs and leading to a generation of morally-bankrupt children?

Remember when Caillou was going to, for lack of a better term, turn kids evil through his modeling of horrible behavior?

Peppa Pig was even accused of quite literally causing autism in kids. The study the rumor was based on turned out to be a complete hoax, but those rumors have stuck around and turned a lot parents away from the show.

It's a good idea to try not to get caught up in the panic whenever a new show starts getting criticism.

In the last year or so, we've drastically reduced the amount of Cocomelon we use in our house. Down to almost zero. Part of that is that my youngest daughter is getting older. But I admit that I don't necessarily love the way it's engineered to be addicting, and that's been part of the decision.

But again, it's not just Cocomelon.

Our beloved Disney and Pixar do similar testing on their movies — they want to make sure they're triggering the right emotions at the right times and, of course, not losing your attention along the way.

That's just the world we live in now, and it continues through adulthood with Instagram, TikTok, and pretty much everything else we interact with.

I get the instinct to protect your kids from as much of this stuff as possible for as long as you can.

@thecircusbrain

#cocomelon #cocomelonchallenge vs #sesamestreet 😒


You're not going to mess your kids up by letting them watch Cocomelon! But here are a few things you might keep in mind if you choose to.

First, remember to set screentime limits. Just as important as what you choose to watch, is how much of it you allow.

Next, if possible, watch Cocomelon with your kids! The APA actually recommends zero solo media usage for kids under two. If you can, sit and watch with them and ask them questions about what they're seeing on the screen.

Similarly, sing the songs and do the dances with them after you've turned the show off. This will help reinforce critical social and speech skills.

And finally, remember that it's your choice. You don't have to allow Cocomelon in your house if you want. But we do need to be careful about casually implying that anything causes ADHD, autism, or speech delays when the evidence just isn't there.

And if you find JJ and his pals annoying and just don't want to listen to it anymore? Well, you're definitely not alone!

kids
Joy

Gen Zers asked Gen Xers to share the things they don't realize will affect their life

Here are 14 things that people in their 20s should seriously consider.

via Canva/Photos

A woman in her 40s and one in her 20s staying fit.

When you’re in your 20s, you feel indestructible. You’re hip, healthy, and look good and there’s no way you’ll fall for the pitfalls that plague people as they age, whether it’s poor health, bad financial decisions, or deteriorating personal relationships.

Well, once most people reach 40, the idea that they’re indestructible has fallen by the wayside. You realize that you’re not perfect and are subject to the whims of Father Time, just like everyone else. At this point in life, you look back and think of everything you could have done to set yourself up for your second act. You start to consider whether you put enough effort into saving money, building friendships and working out.

The chasm between how we see life in our 20s versus 40s is the crux of an interesting conversation on Reddt’s AskReddit subforum. A user asked people in their 40s (younger Gen Xers and older Millennials) to help Gen Z by sharing the things people in their 20s don’t realize will affect them later in life.



Gen Xers are good people to for advice these days because they have recently entered a unique “sandwich generation” phase, where many are both caretakers for their elderly parents and their younger children. This gives them a better understanding of how your choices when you're younger affect you in old age. They also understand their children's fast-paced, tech-enabled world, many of whom are in their teens.

Gen Zers, on the other hand, are ages 12 to 27 and in the prime of their youth. So they’re either focused on becoming self-reliant adults or enjoying life as teenagers.

Here are 14 of the best answers to the question posed to people in their 40s: What do people in their 20s not realize will affect them later in life?

1. Be concerned about your parents' health

"What's really going to affect you is your parents' health, presuming they're still alive and you have a good relationship with them. If your parents live into old age, they will need more and more help. They won't understand how things work. They'll be more susceptible to scams. If they're like mine, they'll be stubborn and won't acknowledge their weakening faculties. Try getting someone who's driven for 60 years to surrender their license because their eyes aren't so good. And when one dies, the other will likely have fallen into a very co-dependent lifestyle, and the structure is completely destroyed. You know it's going to happen, but you don't realize how it'll manifest itself until it plays out."

2. Keep moving

"Don't stop moving. I started working from home in my mid-30s. I went from walking back and forth in the office from the printer to my desk 100 times a day, to not moving. I have major issues now, 14 years later. Part of those are caused by not moving! Get up and take a walk, dance, ride a bike, swim.

"Keep moving people, if you don't, you eventually won't be able to move without great pain!"

3. Protect your hearing

"Wear ear protection at concerts, dammit!"

"Wear ear protection AT WORK. I’m left-handed and almost completely deaf in my left ear from working on diesel engines most of my life. I’m 37."



4. Wear sunscreen

"Wear some freaking sunscreen. Skin cancer sucks!"

"I’m 41 and just got a bunch of sun damage lasered off my face yesterday. I was a lifeguard from 2002-2006. And regularly went to tanning beds until 2010 like all good Oregon Trail millennial girls back in the day. For the love, wear your sunscreen and don’t do what I did!"

5. It CAN be you, pt. 1

"Everyone thinks it won't be them: You won't get in a car accident, you're a safe driver. You won't get diabetes, you've always been good about sweets. You'd never fall for propaganda, you're too smart for that. You'd never end up in a cult, only gullible people believe in stuff like that. You'll never end up on the streets or in prison, you would never commit a crime. You'll never get cancer, that's something that happens to old people, or smokers, or people exposed to radiation. You'd never fall for obvious advertising, you're too smart to be caught by tricks like word choice or urgency or edited photos. You'll never fall for a scammer, you know better than that.

Become comfortable with the fact that things WILL happen to you. That you'll get sick or injured or develop a chronic illness. You'll get taken in by what, in hindsight, will be an obvious scam. That you'll believe someone's lies or end up impoverished or desperate, or if YOU were in such-and-such situations, you very probably would make the same mistakes that anyone in that situation would. Being aware that you aren't likely to be the exception to the rule is a kindness to yourself and others."

6. It CAN be you p. 2

"On the flipside of this argument...it CAN be you, so write that novel, make that indie movie, play in that band...do whatever it is that you're passionate about. Don't let your soul-crushing job rob you of the joy of your passions."



7. Understand compounding interest

"The power of compounding interest. For the love of god, start socking some money into your retirement as early as possible. Look at the charts online of the difference between starting to save a little when you’re younger versus how much you have to put away when you’re older to actually retire one day."

A great way to learn how the money you save today can be extremely valuable when you reach retirement age is to play around with this compound interest calculator. It may not seem like much, but 6% annual interest, compounded over a few decades, can turn into a lot of money.

8. Physical jobs are hard on your body

"That physical job is not paying you for the damage it does to your body. I did flooring for 18 years before I got out of it. I was a subcontractor and made great money. Until I realized that it wasn't enough to fix my joints. I have shoulder problems from carrying rolls of carpet and pad up endless flights of stairs. I was lucky and somehow my knees are ok."

9. Stretch younglings, stretch

"I’m a 27F who has been working from home since 2020. I never exercised or stretched until about a month ago, when I fully committed to a home workout routine. When I first tried to reach for my feet, I could barely bend far enough for my fingertips to touch my knees—it was painful! Thanks to daily stretches, I can almost reach my toes without discomfort. Progress! I’m getting there."



10. Beward of cynicism

"Cynicism. You'll disguise it as 'realism.' But you gotta get past that sh*t to wisdom. And even then, if you're lucky, you get a tiny kernel of wisdom. But it's better than sauntering through life feeling hard done by. I've moved on from friends who thought this way, people who don't lift you up and are only too happy to help you down."

11. People rarely change

"Avoid sticking with a person you are never going to change. Worst mistake ever."

12. Get rid of the negative energy in your life

"That includes bad habits and bad people... even if they're family. I've seen some people keep losers (male & female) around for far too long, and they got bogged down with their problems. then, when they needed help, the losers pulled them down even more.
the people you choose to have in your life can greatly affect the course of your life... make sure they're adding and not subtracting."



13. The bricks can bring you down

"People in their 20s don’t realize that every year they live isn’t just another trip around the sun; it’s another brick added to the backpack you’re carrying through life. When you’re young, that bag’s practically empty—light as hell. You’ve got a few memories, a couple of heartbreaks, maybe a regret or two, but nothing that really weighs you down. You’re sprinting through life thinking it’ll always feel this fresh and easy.

But by the time you hit your 40s, that backpack’s packed to the brim. Every relationship you’ve had, every choice you made—or didn’t make—starts to add up. It’s not just the passage of time; it’s the weight of that time. You’ve got the good stuff—family, love, achievements—but you’ve also got the “what-ifs,” the missed opportunities, and the regrets. Those regrets? Man, they’re like invisible bricks—things you didn’t even know would haunt you later. Not calling someone when you should’ve, passing on that one big risk, staying in a bad situation too long... all that stacks up."

14. Put effort into relationships

"I remember my best friend's father saying that in your 20s a social life is easy and natural. Keep strong connections with people who matter in your life. Divorce, lost a job, bankruptcy and illness—one or another are very usual in your 40's—can suddenly show how alone someone really is and hit hard. One is the most dangerous number."

From Your Site Articles
gen x
Trending Stories