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There's a curious commonality among the books that get banned by schools and libraries.

It's Banned Book Week! Hooray for banned books! Er ... wait, no, that's what I —

What would you guess is the main reason why books get banned?

You'd probably think it comes down to sex and swearing; after all, that's how it works with music and movies, right?

But you have to wonder: Are people really getting that upset over some four-letter words and a few racy scenes? Really? You sure that's all that's going on?


Photo by Ben Stansall/AFP/Getty Images.

Turns out that the majority of books getting pushed out of libraries and schools in America all share a strong emphasis on diversity.

Consider the case of "The Miseducation of Cameron Post" by emily m. danforth, a critically acclaimed coming-of-age novel about a lesbian teenager. Originally published in 2012, the book was banned from some approved summer reading lists in Delaware because of "explicit language."

Something about this didn't settle right with author Malinda Lo, who helps run the website Diversity in YA.

Lo couldn't shake the feeling that "explicit language" was just code for "has homosexual characters."

So she decided to crunch some numbers, based on data from the American Library Association's Office for Intellectual Freedom and see if she might find a pattern.

Spoiler alert: She did.


Photo by San José Library/Flickr.

Lo discovered that 52% of the books that were banned or challenged from 2000-2009 contained what she qualified as diverse content — taking on issues of race, sexuality, disability, LGBTQ, non-Christian religions, or non-Western settings.

Like "Cameron Post," most of those books weren't explicitly banned because they had a transgender character (or empathetically portrayed a Muslim or dared to depict a woman enjoying sex, et cetera). But in our current society of cleverly-coded bigotry, you can't help but wonder if it's more than a coincidence.


In terms of this chart, "Issues" are defined as "books that focus on the LGBT experience, and books that are broadly about sexuality and include specific chapters about homosexuality." Image by Malinda Lo/ DiversityInYA. Used with permission.


Image from the American Library Association Office of Intellectual Freedom. Used with permission.

The numbers start to look even worse when you consider the overall lack of diversity in the publishing industry.

Only 10% of children's books feature multicultural elements despite the fact that nearly 40% of the country identifies as a person of color.


Photo by San José Library/Flickr.

And you know what's even crazier? The majority of those books that contain diverse elements are written by white authors.


Censoring books isn't exactly a new phenomenon.

As long as we've been marking up dead trees with symbols to represent our brainthoughts, people have been getting really upset about books.

Classics like "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn," "Slaughterhouse-Five," "Invisible Man," "To Kill a Mockingbird," "The Bluest Eye"? All radically important books that are still being censored in some parts of America.

That's why the American Library Association created Banned Books Week — to celebrate the stories that endured after someone tried to stifle them.

The fact is that we're still living in a time where school administrators, public servants, and community leaders who think there's value in protecting people from ideas or images that they might not agree with.

But they are unequivocally wrong. (I learned that word in a book.)


Photo by San José Library/Flickr.

Books have been scientifically proven to make us better people.

This is partly to do with their supernatural ability to translate ideas and experiences directly into our brains.


But banning books doesn't just shut down ideas — it blinds us from the beauty of the world around us.

As MacArthur award-winning author Junot Diaz once said, "If you want to make a human being into a monster, deny them, at the cultural level, any reflection of themselves."

Books are powerful artifacts. Stories reflect our lives — and lives, in turn, reflect our stories. Stories make it easier for us to empathize with others who are different from us and help us understand the world we're living in. So let's embrace our own reality and become better people instead of making monsters. I prefer my monsters to stay fictional anyway.

Here's an infographic about banned books from the American Library Association:


Image courtesy of the ALA Office for Intellectual Freedom. Used with permission.

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Health

Conflict expert shares the 1 phrase you can use to stop an argument from happening

It'll make people agree with you, too.

via Canva/Photos

A guy having a collaborative conversation.

The quickest way to stop having a constructive dialog with someone is when they become defensive. This usually results in them digging in their heels and making you defensive. This can result in a vicious cycle of back-and-forth defensive behavior that can feel impossible to break. Once that happens, the walls go up, the gloves come off and resolving the situation becomes tough.

Amanda Ripley, author of “High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out,” says in her book that you can prevent someone you disagree with from becoming defensive by being curious about their opinion.

Ripley is a bestselling author and the co-founder of Good Conflict, a media and training company that helps people reimagine conflict.

How to have a constructive conversation

Let’s say you believe the room should be painted red and your spouse says it should be blue. Instead of saying, “I think blue is ugly,” you can say, “It’s interesting that you say that…” and ask them to explain why they chose blue.

The key phrase is: “It’s interesting that you say that…”


conversation, arguments, communication tipsPeople coming to an agreement. via Canva/Photos

When you show the other person that you genuinely care about their thoughts and appreciate their reasoning, they let down their guard. This makes them feel heard and encourages them to hear your side as well. This approach also encourages the person you disagree with to consider coming up with a collaborative solution instead of arguing to defend their position.

It’s important to assume the other person has the best intentions while listening to them make their case. “To be genuinely curious, we need to refrain from judgment and making negative assumptions about others. Assume the other person didn’t intend to annoy you. Assume they are doing the best they can. Assume the very best about them. You’ll appreciate it when others do it for you,” Kaitlyn Skelly at The Ripple Effect Education writes.

Phrases you can use to avoid an argument

The curiosity approach can also involve affirming the other person’s perspective while adding your own, using a phrase like, “On the one hand, I see what you’re saying. On the other hand…”

Here are some other phrases you can use:

“I wonder if…”

“It’s interesting that you say that because I see it differently…”

“I might be wrong, but…”

“How funny! I had a different reaction…”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that! For me, though, it seems…”

“I think I understand your point, though I look at it a little differently…”


conversation, arguments, communication tipsTwo men high-fiving one another.via Canva/Photos

What's the best way to disagree with people?

A 2016 study from Yale University supports Ripley’s ideas. The study found that when people argue to “win,” they take a hard line and only see one correct answer in the conflict. Whereas those who want to “learn” are more likely to see that there is more than one solution to the problem. At that point, competition magically turns into collaboration.

“Being willing to hear out other perspectives and engage in dialogue that isn’t simply meant to convince the other person you’re right can lead to all sorts of unexpected insights,” psychologist and marketing Professor at Southern Methodist University tells CNBC.

In a world of strong opinions and differing perspectives, curiosity can be a superpower that helps you have more constructive conversations with those with whom you disagree. All it takes is a little humility and an open mind, and you can turn conflict into collaboration, building bridges instead of walls.

relationships
Motherhood

Mom admits she isn't perfect in a hilarious 'back-to-school’ sign she made for herself

She was done before the first day even started.

via Pexels

First day of school can be exhausting … but for who?

It’s back-to-school time and that means new school supplies, a trip to Target for clothes and social media channels flooded with photos of kids holding chalkboards. Over the past decade, back-to-school photos with kids standing on their doorsteps with signs with their name, grade, year and teacher have been ubiquitous on social media.

There’s nothing wrong with the photos, they’re a cute way for parents and kids to mark the passage of time. For most parents, it’s a way to remember that it all goes by way too fast.

However, for the “perfect” parents out there who like to flaunt their Instagrammable lifestyle, they’re another way to show off their “flawless” first days on social media.

In an attempt to show parents they don't have to fall for the myth of perfection on social media, Jeni Bukolt—a mother of two boys age 8 and 12 from Waxhaw, North Carolina—posted a first-day photo of herself looking burnt out and wearing sunglasses. School hadn’t even begun yet.

"Mom's first day of school,” the handmade sign read. "I am 42 years tired. I'll probably miss a school 'theme' day. I really like sleep. Please don't ask me to volunteer. But I will buy you supplies."

"I make signs for my kids each year but lately I've thought about how I always feel behind, as though I'm failing (in some way)," Bukolt told Today. Clearly, other parents feel the same because it was a hit with a lot of them on Instagram.

A lot of comments were from parents who thought the photo was a breath of fresh air during a stressful time of year. "Brilliant, you speak for millions!" cathycole wrote. "May we all survive the drop off/pick up lane," merakifitnessandpole added.

"I thought maybe if I can create a lighthearted moment, some other moms will laugh and understand we're all in this kind of struggle together. Like, let's have empathy for each other," Bukolt told Good Morning America.

Bukolt hopes her post builds an “empathy bridge” between parents. She’d also like to shine a little reality on the parents who feel judged on social media.

"I also feel like when you look at social media, there's all these, [picture perfect] worlds,” she added. “It's not the true story. And some people think like, 'Oh, they have it better or they're perfect,' and this is an opportunity to say no, we're all real human beings ... we're all in the struggle together."

But of course, there were some humorless parents who thought her post wasn’t supportive of teachers or her two sons. So Bukolt made a follow-up where she explained that she was just having fun.

“For the keyboard warriors… yes I do have a job, yes I love my kids and no, I don’t hate teachers. Back to work. Have a great day!” she wrote.

Parenting is hard and we all fall short of glory at times. Kudos to Bukolt for making us feel a little less alone and letting us know that some folks have already accepted their imperfections on the first day.

"If other moms can get a good laugh about it, then that makes my heart happy," she said.


This article originally appeared on 9.2.22

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parenting
Pets

This couple has the clingiest cat on Earth and people can't get enough of his cute demands

There are clingy cats—and then there's Chase.

@dontstopmeowing/TikTok

Chase might just be the clingiest cat ever.

Cats are quirky. We all know this.

But those of us who have had multiple cats throughout our lives know that some cats are quirkier than others. Maybe they like to sleep with their face in a shoe (true story). Maybe they won't stop tearing into bags of styrofoam packing peanuts and eating them, necessitating a shipping business to switch to cornstarch-based packaging (also true story). Maybe they can catch a crumpled-up piece of paper you toss into the air with their paws and bring it to you in their mouth like a dog playing fetch (awww, I miss that cat).

Or maybe their unique quirk is that they have to be velcroed to someone's body every minute of every day.

That's Chase the cat in a nutshell—super sweet, but super clingy.

Chase belongs to Kareem and Fifi of the TikTok channel @dontstopmeowing, who have become internet famous for their three very chill cats. Their "spaw day" videos showing how their cats—Chase, Skye and Millie—get pampered went viral last year, and they've gained a huge following sharing life with their cats.

All three are adorable, but Chase—oh, Chase is a special one. I've seen some clingy cats before, but nothing like this.

Watch:

@dontstopmeowing

Same Cat, Diff Day #fyp #foryou #foryoupage

Literally clingy, as in "won't stop clinging to the human." How many cats like to be carried around like a baby? Not many, I'd guess.

@dontstopmeowing

Not exactly your average kitty #fyp #foryou #foryoupage

When Chase wants Mommy, chase wants Mommy.

@dontstopmeowing

Where did he learn to be so clingy? 😭 #fyp #foryou #foryoupage

Of course, Chase doesn't always want Mommy. Sometimes it's Daddy's turn for all the lovin'.

@dontstopmeowing

😔💔 #fyp #foryou #foryoupage

Fifi shares videos of her attempting to train the clinginess out of Chase, which are hilarious. This one has been viewed 57 million times.

@dontstopmeowing

This is why he rips my clothes 😭 #fyp #foryou #foryoupage

She even dubbed the viral audio of a toddler video—"I just a baby!"—that fits perfectly with Chase's huggy antics.

@dontstopmeowing

He really thinks he’s a baby #fyp #foryou #foryoupage

Oh Chase. You're just too much.

@dontstopmeowing

I can’t stop laughing 😭 #fyp #foryou #foryoupage

And just because it's so dang cute, check out this video of Chase meeting a baby for the first time. (Warning: Wicked adorable baby giggles incoming. Hold onto your ovaries if you have 'em.)

@dontstopmeowing

Who’s reaction was your favorite? #fyp #foryou #foryoupage

You can follow Kareem, Fifi, Chase, Skye and Millie on TikTok and YouTube.


This article originally appeared on 4.13.22

From Your Site Articles
Pets

Woman discovers her tireless dog has secretly been playing fetch with the neighbors

Bounder is living the good life.

via brittneygoes/tiktok

Bounder playing fetch with his neighbor.

Every dog is different when it comes to playing fetch. Some have zero interest in playing, while others are obsessed with the game and won’t stop playing until their human friends force them to stop.

There are a lot of reasons why dogs love to play fetch. First, most dogs are genetically predisposed to chasing after objects that move, whether it’s a car or a squirrel. They also instinctually bring back prey to their dens.

“After a hunt, sometimes the wolf will carry the prey back to the den to be consumed safely with the pack, essentially ‘retrieving’ dinner for the family,” Katelyn Schutz, Certified Professional Dog Trainer of Wisconsin Pet Care, said according to BarkPost. “The game of fetch in our pet dogs is suggested to be a simple variation of this ‘prey-carrying’ behavior.”

Fetch also stimulates the reward centers in a dog’s brain, so once they get started playing they don’t want to stop. Bounder, Brittney Reynolds’ black Labrador, can’t get enough of catching and retrieving a tennis ball.

“He’s obsessed,” Reynolds told The Dodo. “He will play fetch until I make him stop.”


@brittneygoes

He brings it back to the edge of the fence. #blacklab #doglover #SeeHerGreatness

Bounders' obsession with the game led him to ask Reynolds’ neighbor to play fetch with him when she wouldn’t. She discovered the game had been going on in secret one day when she went outside to see why Bounder was barking and discovered he was asking the neighbor to play with him.

“The neighbor was sitting on his back patio with the ball gun on the table, and Bounder was staring him down and barking at him wanting to play,” Reynolds said. “I tried to tell him to stop barking, but the neighbor got up and started shooting the ball gun for him. It was just so cute. I went and thanked him for playing with my boy and found out that they had been doing this for a while.”

The neighbors had a ball gun to play fetch with their dog, Layla.

Reynolds shared a wholesome video of Bounder and the neighbor playing together and it went viral receiving over 6.8 million views. “Just found out my neighbor and my dog have been playing fetch together over the fence,” she captioned the video.

Some commenters thought the game was great for the dog and the neighbor, too. "I just watched all your videos on this and I'm in love with this story! Your dogs have new grandparents and they have a reason to stay active," Monica wrote.

"I hope that you know that allowing this is making that man’s day. You are a great neighbor and humanitarian. Thank you," another user wrote.

@brittneygoes

Caught the neighbor playing with a Bounder again. He looks forward to this. #goodneighbors #doglovers #Totinos425

“I am a huge dog lover, and it always makes me happy to see others treating dogs so well,” Reynolds said about her neighbor.

“Our dogs are our family, and I think you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat animals.” Reynolds shared a follow-up video that showed the over-the-fence fetch game is still happening.


This article originally appeared on 5.2.22

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dogs
Joy

A 30-year-old woman got dumped but hundreds cheered her up by sharing how they found love after 30

It's never too late to find love.

via Twitter

Couples who met after 30.

A lot of emotions rise to the surface after being dumped. It can leave a person feeling sad, lonely, confused, rejected and left with a sense that you’ll never find anyone again. People tend to think, “If that person couldn’t stick it out with me, then who will?”

However, most of the time, it’s irrational worry. There are more than a few billion people on the planet to choose from, you just gotta put yourself out there. But that’s a hard thing to hear when your feelings are still raw.

A study reported by The New York Times found that today, the old “plenty of fish in the sea” cliche is growing truer by the day. We are nearing a point where there will be more unmarried adults in the U.S. than those who have tied the knot.

The most recent Census data shows the share of American adults who were neither married nor living with a significant other had risen to 46.4%. So good news for you single folks, the dating pool just keeps getting deeper.

In 2020, Kelsey Huse, a software engineer from Austin, Texas, broke up with her boyfriend and at the age of 30, felt like she was never going to meet anyone again. “My bf broke up with me this week and I just wanna hear happy stories of ppl who found their partner in their 30s thanks,” she tweeted.

Huse received an avalanche of responses from people who shared pictures and stories about how they met their special people in their 30s and later, giving her plenty of hope for the future. Her tweet went mega-viral earning nearly 7,000 retweets and 150,000 likes.

Here are some of the best responses.


Huse couldn't believe the incredible responses she received and they really did lift her spirits.

Huse may not have known it at the time, but breaking up at 30 may have been a blessing in disguise. Studies show that people who get married later in life have better mental health than those who get hitched at a younger age.

According to family ecology researcher Matt Johnson, those who married at the same age as or later than their peers reported higher levels of happiness and self-esteem—and less depression—than those who married early.

"People who marry early tend not to get as much education, have kids earlier than is optimal, and as a result get locked into careers they hadn't aspired to. In mid-life they're a little more depressed—or have a lower sense of self-worth—not because they violated some societal norm, but because they started down the path to family life early,” Johnson said.

Huse's story shows that there is no time frame for love and that it’s possible to find the perfect person well after the age of 30. It also shows that even though Twitter gets a deserved bad rap for being a pretty hostile environment, every once in a while people come together to do something beautiful.

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