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As we help people cope with chaos and uncertainty, therapists are struggling too

As we help people cope with chaos and uncertainty, therapists are struggling too
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Americans are facing uncertainty, and it's starting to seem as if uncertainty is the norm. Over the past eight months we have battled the never ending war with COVID, started, stopped and restarted virtual school, and witnessed the reanimation of a civil rights movement. We've watched daily as news outlets recount death tolls and survival numbers for the pandemic, all while trying to give our family a semblance of normalcy, but nothing about this is normal and the helpers we are used to turning to are burning the wicks at both ends.

In today's climate, therapists are battling the same battles as our patients. Once upon a time before COVID, our stressors would occasionally overlap, but in recent months the stressors are exactly the same as the majority of our clients. Therapists are encouraging our clients to do the very basics to keep from spiraling into a depression, all while we struggle to change out of our pajama bottoms for virtual sessions. At times it's difficult to put aside your own personal struggles to focus on the needs of our clients, but we still show up.

We keep showing up ready to hold space even though our own cups are empty, but the fear of the election outcome is a different level of connectedness that we as therapists were not prepared for. The fear around elections is not new, of course; we navigated this in 2016. But with the very palpable division in our country, our clients are scared. They're scared of either outcome, and so are we.

Communities of color are turning to therapists to help them not only navigate the continued shootings of unarmed Black and brown men by police, but to also have a safe place to express their fears and anxieties around the election. The state of the country is shaky, to put it mildly, for our minority communities. This includes increased depression and anxiety rates in LGBTQ+ communities as well. It seems as if therapists have noticed a collective holding of breath, and yet we also sit not breathing, waiting for the shoe to drop.

Therapists are not immune from current events. In fact, it's in many of our codes of ethics to be updated and actively advocating for things that are or will negatively affect our clients. Our clients are seeing news reports of the lines wrapped around sporting goods stores to purchase ammo and calls for a civil war should the election swing the pendulum toward the other direction. We sit in uncomfortable fear while our clients pour their hearts out, expecting us to have the answer. But we weren't trained for pandemic counseling in a tumultuous election year while the country is literally on fire. There was not a class for that.

We are sitting across from clients via screen or in person empathizing with their fear while experiencing the same gut-punching terror. We are getting hung up on what coping skills to suggest because we've tried them and they're not working for us, so we hesitate to suggest them to you. Of course, a brave face is put on display and we walk through mindfulness exercises to help ground you to the present moment, but in reality, the present moment is filled with uncertainty and doubt. When the only way out is through, we have to give our clients the tools to push through.

Therapy still works, even if at times your therapist may look haggard. We want you in our office, physical or virtually. This state that we're in is hard for everyone. It's important to know you're not alone and to develop the tools you need to push through to the other side of this election and beyond.

It's natural to have fear when nothing seems certain. We've been living in a heightened sense of survival for an extended period of time, and our brains are just not equipped to thrive in fight or flight for that long. So rest, talk to someone, and give yourself permission to feel whatever you're feeling. Even your therapist needs to do that right now.

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Visit Sweden
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Education

Sweden makes stunning decision to trademark its name to avoid confusion

The country is taking historic steps to fix the problem.

via Visit Sweden (used with permission)

A Swedish woman taking things into her own hands.

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Sweden has existed for over 1,000 years, but travelers across the globe are confused because other places, inspired by the country’s untouched beauty and joyously inclusive culture, have taken its name.

Seven other places in the world call themselves Sweden, so to distinguish itself from the name-alikes, the Kingdom of Sweden is taking a bold, historic step that no country has before. It’s become the first to apply to trademark its name with the European Union Intellectual Property Office.

Visit Sweden likens the country’s problem to a luxury brand that has to contend with dupes, knockoffs, or bootlegs that fall short of the glory of the genuine article.

“It’s flattering that other places want to be called Sweden, but let’s be honest, there should only be one. Our Sweden. The one with the Northern Lights, endless forests, and the world’s best flat-pack furniture,” says Susanne Andersson, CEO at Visit Sweden.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

By trademarking its name, Sweden will make things much less confusing for travelers worldwide. It’d be a shame for someone looking to visit Sweden’s majestic Lapland to mistakenly wind up in a place with no reindeer, Aurora Borealis, or cloudberries to be found.

The world-class research team at Visit Sweden knew it had to act when it realized that other destinations with the same name had tripped up travelers. People looking to vacation in Portland, Oregon, have accidentally wound up in Portland, Maine. Travelers yearning to experience the fall in Manchester, New Hampshire, have been deplaning in Manchester, England. “It happens more than you think!” the researchers admitted.


sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation The Northern Lights in Sweden. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Jann Lipka/imagebank.sweden.se

The E.U. Intellectual Property Office must act swiftly and allow Sweden to trademark its name so that travelers worldwide don’t miss the opportunity to experience an utterly unique country known for its serene landscapes, commitment to deep relaxation and personal freedom.

No one should ever miss out on staying on one of Sweden’s 267,570 islands, more than any other country. The Swedish archipelagos offer luxurious glamping, peaceful hikes, tranquil solitude and awe-inspiring, pristine nature.

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A woman camping in the Swedish archipelago.via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Anders Klapp/imagebank.sweden.se


Sweden is a beautiful place to visit all year round, with bright summers, colorful falls, vibrant springs and dark, crisp winters. It is also a place to delight your tastebuds with a cuisine centered on healthy, locally sourced produce, with some preparation methods dating back to the Viking era.

The original Sweden is a place where one can relish Old World European history while also enjoying the modern pleasures of the most progressive countries in the world. Travelers can be whisked back into history by visiting the Naval Port of Karlskona, a well-preserved European naval town from 1680. Or, enjoy cutting-edge design, delicacies, art, music and culture in hip metropolitan destinations such as Stockholm or Sweden’s “coolest city,” Gothenburg.

Did we mention Sweden has an ABBA museum? Wait till the other 7 Swedens find out about that.

As you can see, Sweden is an incredibly unique destination that cannot be duplicated. It would be a tragedy for anyone intending to visit the original Sweden to mistakenly find themselves in a name-alike place that lacks its Scandinavian charm. You can do your part to stop the confusion by signing a petition to let Sweden trademark Sweden at Visit Sweden (the original).

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A Swedish Midsommar celebration. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Stefan Berg/Folio/imagebank.sweden.se

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Mom shares how her first grader's homework on the second day of school broke his spirit

"It's breaking their spirit and it robs them of what little fun and family time they have when they come home after a long day of school."

Photo credit: Cassi Nelson/Facebook

How much homework is too much homework?

Debates about homework are nothing new, but the ability of parents to find support for homework woes from thousands of other parents is a fairly recent phenomenon. A mom named Cassi Nelson shared a post about her first grader's homework and it quickly went viral. Nelson shared that her son had come home from his second day of school with four pages of homework, which she showed him tearfully working on at their kitchen counter.

"He already doesn’t get home from school until 4pm," she wrote. "Then he had to sit still for another hour plus to complete more work. I had to clear out the kitchen so he could focus. His little legs kept bouncing up and down, he was bursting with so much energy just wanting to go play. Then he broke my heart when he looked up at me with his big teary doe eyes and asked…. 'Mommy when you were little did you get distracted a lot too?!' Yes sweet baby, mommy sure did too! I don’t know how ppl expect little children to sit at school all day long and then ALSO come home to sit and do MORE work too…."

Nelson tells Upworthy that she was "shocked" that kindergarteners and first graders have homework, much less the amount they were expected to do. "We didn't have homework like this when we were in these younger grades."

Expert opinion and research is somewhat mixed on the homework front, but there isn't any conclusive evidence that homework is universally beneficial for students and too much homework can actually be harmful. As a standard, the National Education Association (NEA) and the National Parent Teacher Association (NPTA) support a limit on homework of “10 minutes of homework per grade level."

With that as a guide, a first grader shouldn't have more than 10 minutes of homework on any given school day, but it's not unusual for young kids to have two or three times the recommended limit of homework. That can be stressful for both kids and parents, cutting into valuable family time and limiting kids' time to decompress, play and freely engage in imaginative activity.

As Nelson concluded, "It’s breaking their spirit and it robs them of what little fun and family time they have when they come home after a long day of school."

Most parents and even most teachers in the comments agreed with her that four pages of homework is too much for a first grader, especially on only the second day of school:

"Poor little man. Children below a certain grade should not be given homework! Small children have a hard time sitting still for a long period of time yet alone expected to sit and do hours of homework, for what??? They are SMALL CHILDREN! Let them snack, play, laugh and all the other fun things when they get home. You are only a child once, they don't need that taken away from them. Let them embrace their inner creativity, imagination, recipes, etc."

"This breaks my spirit. Our schools are huge scams. You're exactly right Cassi. Homework is ridiculous. Kids til the age of 10 primarily learn through real life situations and play scenarios."

"I hate that for him! My little one has ADHD and doing homework after sitting in class all day is very stressful to him and makes him hate school. They are in school for 7 hours they shouldn’t have homework. That definitely takes away any kind of family time and that’s why kids never spend time with parents anymore because they have all this homework to do after being gone all day.I feel that if it can’t be done in the 7 hours they have the kids then it should wait until the next school day."

"I don’t make them do homework at home when they are that little. It’s not fair!They are at school allllll day! And it’s already sooooo much for their little bodies and brains! I’ve never had a teacher upset about it either.. and even if I did oh well!"

"That breaks my heart. 4 pages is absolutely ridiculous for young kids. My daughter is going into 2nd grade next month, the 2 years in school it was always 1 page of homework sometimes back and front if it was math. And to read."

This article originally appeared in August "I was in this boat with my son…conversation with the principal and teachers helped dramatically!! It’s too much and we have to advocate for them."

Nelson was blown away by the response to her post, which has been shared on Facebook over 89,000 times. "I NEVER thought me sharing my thoughts openly about how my heart hurt watching my little guy struggle would connect to so many others worldwide going through the same thing," she says.

Many parents shared that excessive homework is one of the reasons they decided to homeschool their children, which Nelson took to heart. The week after sharing her viral homework post, she shared that they had had their first day of homeschooling. It was "A HUGE SUCCESS!!!!" she wrote, with her son getting far more work done in a far shorter amount of time, sitting for classes for just 1 hour and 45 minutes total.

Nelson tells Upworthy she was totally intimidated to try homeschooling. "I seriously thought there was no way," she says. "But I knew I had to set my fear aside and just take the leap for my kids. I told myself I'd figure it out one way or another. And here we are three days in and it's been the easiest and best choice I've ever made."

Homeschooling is not going to the right solution for every family, however, so the question of homework remains an important issue for kids, parents, teachers and schools to work out.


This article originally appeared in August

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Family

Mom with adopted kids shares why low-income children deserve high-quality items from toy drives

"Children should never have to pay for the mistakes of their parents.”

via Canva/Photos

A child receives a gift at a toy drive.

A TikTok user named Annie made a thought-provoking post on October 28, 2024, asking people to consider holiday toy drives from the perspective of those receiving gifts. This resulted in some pushback from those who believe the recipients should be happy just to get a gift. However, Annie understands the perspective of those who receive gifts during holiday toy drives because she adopted three of her four children and once lived in a children’s home.

“I think there's an idea, a concept, that people who are low-income should just be grateful for whatever they receive. Whatever we give them, they should be thankful for it. Whatever gifts kids have to open they should just be thankful for it because we gave it to them,” she said. “If you have not been on the receiving end of some of that, you may not have a full understanding of what that looks like.”

She urged people to buy quality toys for children because low-cost gifts may bring them more heartache than joy. Annie says many kids are disappointed when they get the “Dollar Store Barbie” that breaks in 24 hours while being told to be grateful for the gift.

“That is about the giver feeling good and not about the receiver. If we're going to buy things for people for Christmas, if we are going to donate to toy drives, if we are going to adopt a family, if we're if we're going to take that step of empathy and compassion can we fully consider the people we are purchasing for and what matters to them?” she asked.

@mom.behind.the.scenes

This applies x10000 to children in foster care. The expectation of gratitude isnt an appropriate way to give. #gratitude #holidays #adoptafamily #charity

Annie received angry comments from people who disagreed with her post, saying, “Nah beggars can’t be choosers boo” and “If you’re not teaching your children gratitude, you’re teaching them entitlement.”

However, many supported her belief that low-income kids shouldn’t be treated as second-class citizens. “I volunteered somewhere once that had a motto of quality = dignity, and I think of that a lot,” one commenter wrote. “Oh, I like that,” Annie responded.

Annie returned with a follow-up video a little less than a month later, sharing an important point about when she was a child asking for toy drive gifts. “None of us were asking strangers for those gifts,” she said about her time in a children’s home. We were asking Santa or a church or angels.”

@mom.behind.the.scenes

Replying to @🌼daayyysiiiiᏔ⃝ “These kids are not asking hard-working people for money. They’re asking miracle workers, imaginary beings that can produce anything. We are asking the children in need not be able to believe in Santa.” #angeltree #christmas #mutualaid #donate #community

Ultimately, Annie’s post was about protecting the innocence and dreams of children, which can be a real challenge for those who are low-income or in the foster care system. “Children that just ask for the bare minimum are children who no longer have the ability to dream,” she said. “These kids are not asking hard-working people for money. They're asking miracle workers, imaginary beings that can produce anything because that's what we teach them. We're asking the children in need to not believe in Santa. There's really no beauty in a child not asking for something.”

She ended the video by stating that children in need should still be able to dream, just as she did.

“I'm sobbing thinking back to my children being young and in need, back to that children's home I lived in and I wonder did those people that donated to me did they complain that these children in this children's home wanted BMX bikes and Cabbage Patch dolls and ventriloquist dummies?” Annie asked. “Did they call our parents names? Did they call us greedy and selfish? I really hope that wasn't the case and I don't think it was. But children should never have to pay for the mistakes of their parents.”

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Gen X mom can’t understand why her Millenial and Gen Z kids watch TV with closed captions

She came around after she heard their reasoning.

via GibsonIsHere/TikTok and Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

The generational caption debate is a big deal.

If you’re a Gen Xer or older, one surprising habit the younger generations developed is their love of subtitles or closed-captioning while watching TV. To older generations, closed-captioning was only for grandparents, the hearing impaired, or when watching the news in a restaurant or gym.

But these days, studies show that Millenials and Gen Z are big fans of captions and regularly turn them on when watching their favorite streaming platforms. A recent study found that more than half of Gen Z and Millenials prefer captions on when watching television. It’s believed that their preference for subtitles stems from the ubiquity of captioning on social media sites such as TikTok or Instagram.

This generational change perplexed TikTokker, teacher and Gen X mother, Kelly Gibson.

Always leaning! #genx #millennial #caption #learning

@gibsonishere

Always leaning! #genx #millennial #caption #learning

"I have three daughters, and they were here. Two of them are young millennials; the other one is an older Gen Z," Gibson explained in a video with over 400,000 views. "All of them were like, 'Why don't you have the captions on?'”

The mother couldn’t believe that her young kids preferred to watch TV like her grandparents. It just did not compute.

"My Gen X butt was shocked to find out that these young people have decided it's absolutely OK to watch movies with the captions going the whole time," she said jokingly.

But like a good mother, Gibson asked her girls why they preferred to watch TV with captioning, and their reason was straightforward. With subtitles, it’s easier not to lose track of the dialog if people in the room start talking.

"They get more out of it," Gibson explained. "If somebody talks to them in the middle of the show, they can still read and get what's going on even if they can't hear clearly. Why are young people so much smarter than us?"

At the end of the video, Gibson asked her followers whether they watch TV with subtitles on or off. "How many of you out there that are Millennials actually do this? And how many of you Gen Xers are so excited that this is potentially an option?" she asked.

Gibson received over 8,400 responses to her question, and people have a lot of different reasons for preferring to watch TV with captions.

“Millennial here. I have ADHD along with the occasional audio processing issues. I love captions. Also, sometimes I like crunchy movie snacks,” Jessileemorgan wrote. “We use the captions because I (GenX) hate the inability of the movie makers to keep sound consistent. Ex: explosions too loud conversation to quiet,” Lara Lytle added.

“My kids do this and since we can’t figure out how to turn it off when they leave, it’s become a staple. GenX here!” Kelly Piller wrote.

The interesting takeaway from the debate is that anti-caption people often believe that having writing on the screen distracts them from the movie. They’re too busy reading the bottom of the screen to feel the film's emotional impact or enjoy the acting and cinematography. However, those who are pro-caption say that it makes the film easier to understand and helps them stay involved with the film when there are distractions.

So who’s right? The person holding the remote.


This article originally appeared in January.

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Dave Ramsey saved a caller to his show from domestic violence live on air

"You need to call the police–you're in danger."

Photo credit: Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia and Canva

Dave Ramsey helps save domestic violence victim calling for financial advice

Editor's Note: This story contains discussion and/or embedded images of domestic violence. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence and need help call 1-800-799-SAFE or text “START” to 88788 to reach The National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Dave Ramsey gained popularity in the early 90s after starting a radio show to help people with money questions. The show exploded and evolved along with its host. Now Ramsey hosts a show named after him where he continues to answer money questions from people who call and write into the show.

On a more recent episode, a woman, Danielle, calls in to get financial advice on selling her home she shares with her partner and their shared child. But the reason she wanted to sell her home piqued Ramsey's interest causing him to go into concerned dad mode. Danielle is focuses in on being able to make $88K off of selling her home which would allow her to pay off her debt of $16K and settle in a new town with her son–without his father.

Ramsey perks up as does his co-host, Rachel Cruze, as they take in what the woman is saying but the fear in Danielle's voice is palpable. Listeners can tell she's either sneaking to call or is afraid her partner will put together what is happening. There's an immense amount of tension in the studio but through the entire exchange Ramsey and Cruze remain a calming voice of reassurance and reason.

now we're talking yes GIF by Ramsey SolutionsGiphy

"I don't know if you need to sell your house or not, you may, that's possible but that's not your problem today is it," Ramsey asks the woman before asking if she had family in the area. Much to Ramsey and Cruze's relief the frightened woman reveals she has a father, brothers, aunt and a grandmother in or near the city in which she lives. Ramsey immediately encourages the woman to contact her father and police to get her out of the dangerous living situation but Danielle refuses, even when Ramsey offers to call the police for her.

The insistent refusal on contacting law enforcement or her family seemed to trigger Cruze into sussing out the true reason the woman didn't want to leave. Cruze asks the woman where her 8 month old son is which is when Danielle reveals her partner is holding the child standing directly in front of the car she's sitting in speaking to the co-hosts. This whole situation feels like the plot of a lifetime movie.

love shouldn't hurt-printed on back of woman Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

While Danielle didn't mention if the boyfriend was physically abusive in the first part of the call, she did imply she was afraid of him. The mom of one also reveals that she has previously involved the police but it "didn't work." But given the audible fear in the woman's voice it's not a far leap for the two co-hosts and their listeners to believe the woman is being abused in some way that has made her fearful of her partner.

"No, no, honey, we don't need to call a realtor. We need to get your boyfriend out of the house and that's gonna involve the police and or your father and your brothers. He needs to leave, it's your house...and you're afraid. You understand that this is wrong, right," Ramsey tells the woman. "You're not the crazy one. I'm talking to the sane one."


@daveramsey “You need to call the police—you’re in danger” #domesticabuseawareness #relationshipproblems #moneytips #daveramsey @Rachel Cruze ♬ original sound - Dave Ramsey

Immediately the woman begins to sob and briefly became frantic when Ramsey says one of the producers was going to call the police. After more talking to calm the woman she agrees she does need for the partner to leave the home. Ramsey offers to set up free counseling to the woman and to assist her with finances once she is safe, the call ends there.

In an update video, Ramsey shares that Dr. John Delony, a fellow co-host walks by as they're speaking to the distressed mother. Delony not only has a PhD in counselor education and supervision but has certifications in National Association of Behavioral Intervention and Threat Assessment (NABITA) and Group Crisis Intervention, Individual Crisis Assistance, Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM). Delony took over the call off air, explaining in the update that things got a little sticky while talking to the woman.

Planned Parenthood Relationship GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy

"It was intense, mainly cause it was live. It was happening live and she was not...it wasn't philosophically unsafe, she was unsafe now, and somebody else had her kid. And then you've got this mom who needs to protect herself, but I'm not gonna leave my baby unprotected and now you've got a messy situation," Delony says before continuing. "Whenever I show up to something like that, I'm always looking at escalation trends. Is this thing slowing down are people separating are they just yelling at each other or is this thing moving up? And this one moved up real rapidly."


Thankfully, the police show up quickly while Delony is still speaking with Danielle and take the man into custody. When the update was shared the woman was safe with her family and Delony connected her with domestic violence services in her local area. The entire Ramsey team was on high alert pulling together to ensure the woman's safety. What an amazing job by all involved. Best wishes for a bright future for Danielle and her son Charlie.

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Doorbell camera catches a UPS driver in a moment of contagious joy over a simple snack

Her adorable orangutan walk says it all.

@kenistoc/Reddit

Her delight at finding a snack she liked has people in stitches.

In the age of Amazon and other online retailers, delivery drivers have become an integral part of our lives. But most of us rarely interact with the people who drop packages at our door via UPS or FedEx or USPS, and if we do, it's usually only for a few seconds. We might manage a friendly "Good afternoon!" or quick "Thanks a bunch!" as they hustle to and from their vehicle, always rushing to fulfil their quota as efficiently as possible.

Delivery folks work hard. They're on their feet much of the day, traipsing up hundreds of front walks a week, through all kinds of inclement weather. Yes, it's their job and they're paid to do it, but it's always nice to have your work seen and appreciated, which is one reason a video of UPS driver discovering a sweet treat on a customer's front porch is going viral.

Another reason is that it's just hilariously adorable.

A doorbell camera caught a UPS driver wearing a holiday bauble headband walking up to the door and dropping off a package as she talks to herself. After she takes a photo of the delivery, she sees that the customer had left a little tray of drinks and snacks, and her "Oooh, do I see honey bunny?" is a sign of the hilarity to come.

Watch her reaction and the way she joyfully make her way back to the truck.

Unsurprisingly, people are in love with the driver and her giddy goofiness.

"I literally laughed out loud at her crazy walk back to the truck. I need more people like her in my life."

"I have a friend like that, he just makes my day every time we see each other. 😂"

"That is way adorable! Simple act that makes the day of a random person <3."

"I don’t know anything else about her but she’s my new fave human."

"OMG she reminds me of our mail carrier so much. We leave her cookies at Christmas and she always does a little happy dance that day."

Delivery drivers and former delivery drivers shared that these kinds of gestures really do mean a lot.

"As a former delivery driver, i want you to know that if you leave snacks and drinks out for us, we love you to the moon and back. 💜"

"Driving for Amazon paid my rent for 10 months. Not exaggerating when I say that it was a dark time in my life. Snacks made me smile. every. single. time."

"I mean... I literally took something from every house that had stuff out. I worked 10-12hrs+ during the holidays... I needed every calorie I could get walking 20-30miles a day."

"Even when I didn't take them I appreciate them. it's like seeing a sign that says we love delivery drivers."

"I'll tell you what, the people who leave food got me through my holidays as a postal carrier. Nothing slaps harder than an ice cold redbull and bag of pretzels and ice cold bottle of water that was left in a cooler. I had a lady who asked me what I liked and then had sperate bags labeled "Mail carrier USPS" and "UPS GUY" and "FED EX GUY" with our preferred snacks. She asked me what my favorite ice cream was and she knew my mile long loop and knew when I parked, I'd be done in 15mins, so, she'd be waiting at the truck every day all summer with an ice cream and a napkin.

There are some people who just f---ing make the day feel worth it, if you are one of these people, you are what makes delivering mail worth it. We do notice the nice things you do for us, THANK YOU."

"I do this during the summer. I'm in Texas so it's routinely over 100°F. I'm always trying to make sure there are cold drinks for our postal workers and delivery people."

"I do it during Australian Christmas. 40c/100f plus on a December day. Coke water and Gatorade always gone by lunch."

It's a good reminder that it doesn't take a lot to show appreciation and make someone's day. These kinds of positive interactions, even when asynchronous and not directly face-to-face, are an important part of building the kind of world we all want to live in.

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