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Family

The 'weirdest family role' is disappearing in the U.S. Here's the change no one mentions.

Family trees are rapidly changing.

cousins, relationships, birthrate
via PgbSimon/Pixabay

Four cousins hanging out in the yard.

The birth rate in the U.S. has steadily declined since the Great Recession. Between 2007 and 2023, it has decreased by nearly 23%. In 1950, the average American woman had 3 children. Now, she has only 1.6, which is drastically lower than the replacement rate of 2.1.

The dropping birthrate has many worried that it will upend government programs because there won’t be enough young people to work and pay taxes to support older people on Social Security and Medicare.

Faith Hill from The Atlantic recently illustrated another problem with the declining birthrate in the U.S. and Europe that no one talks about: the decline of cousins.

“If everyone hypothetically went from having five kids to having four kids, that would mean one less sibling for each child,” Hill wrote, quoting demographer Sha Jiang. “But it would yield a much bigger decrease in first cousins: Instead of a child having four aunts or uncles who each have five kids—20 cousins—they would have three aunts or uncles who each have four kids, for a total of 12.”

Further, only about 6% of adult cousins live in the same U.S. census tract. The rest are about 237 miles apart.

TikToker Miriam Tinney, who curates interesting stories she finds online, shared the news in a video that has over 3.7 million views.

What do you think? 

@miriam_tinny

What do you think? #family #cousins #relationships #siblings #theatlantic

Psychologists believe cousins play an essential role in families because even though they are relations, the emotional bonds with them may not be as tight. "Cousins, extended family, allow psychological distance that immediate family cannot," relationship therapist Larry Shushansky told The Chicago Tribune. "Relationships with cousins afford a certain space, a certain independence, that allows us to have different kinds of experiences with them.”

"They can be a source of balance … affording the closeness and common bond that exists in families, as well as the psychological distance that is one step removed from the dependency that causes anxiety and conflict within immediate [family members],” Shushansky continued.

This unique position in the family allows cousins to take on various roles. Your cousin can be a mentor, friend, acquaintance, partner in crime at family functions or someone who helps you understand your extended family.

A cousin may not be the family member who lends you a kidney, but they can be the person who helps you mend fences with a sibling or allows you to cut loose at a family gathering because neither of you fears the other's judgment.

"Without cousins, who will my kids go smoke with on the cousin walk at Thanksgiving?" Rebeccaversonx commented on Tinny's video. "I’m ethnic sooooooo cousins are basically another set of siblings," Viv added.

"I don't think they surveyed POC because cousins in non-white families are usually super close," Britty added.

Given that cousins can have a significant role in our lives, Hill is right to lament the loss of the important, if not necessarily vital, relationship.

“A cousin-sparse future, then, could be a greater loss than people might recognize,” Hill wrote. “It might also make the relationship that much more important: With fewer of them around, cousins may need to depend on one another even more. Families are shrinking—but that doesn’t mean they need to come apart.”

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Women's Peace & Humanitarian Fund
WPHF
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How one woman is breaking barriers to amplify women's voices in peace building across Southern Africa

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Vimbai Kapurura is the Executive Director of Women Unlimited, a grassroots women’s rights organization working to promote the rights and leadership of women, girls, and marginalized groups in Eswatini and southern Africa. With support from the Rapid Response Window of the United Nations Women’s Peace and Humanitarian Fund (WPHF), she’s advocating to have more female voices in national peace building spaces to ensure women’s rights and demands are included.

“Women are peacebuilders. We are peacemakers. We have a critical role to play in crisis situations and we are very much better placed to play a peacebuilding role in any country.”

In the face of the growing political turmoil in Eswatini, where calls for the establishment of a national dialogue remain seemingly unanswered, Vimbai and her organization are stepping up, raising their voice and bringing forward innovative solutions to promote peace and stability across the country. WPHF is supporting them to amplify women’s voices and mainstream gender perspectives into relevant decision-making mechanisms.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

“We are the cradle of life. We are changemakers, movers, shakers of any area of development. We want to be engaged and involved in any area of the value chain, the complete value chain. We want to be there.”

As part of its project with WPHF, Women Unlimited – with technical support from Cordaid, one of the INGO partners of the RRW – has trained several local women-led civil society organizations in conflict resolution, conflict prevention and mediation processes, as well as carried out educational and awareness raising campaigns on the value of women’s participation in peace processes, targeting both women and men across the country.

“WPHF has really helped us a lot. Not only has the funding allowed us to engage more women in peacebuilding processes, but it’s also supported us to underscore the need for female leadership in these spaces, where we’re often left aside.”

In Eswatini, where women and girls face deep-rooted patriarchy from a very young age, undermining their confidence, autonomy and leadership, Vimbai has become an outspoken advocate for women’s equal representation in decision-making roles at all levels, from community-level and regional committees to national and global peace building spaces.

“If you gather many women toward on common goal, you are guaranteed that that goal is going to be achieved. Let us come together and be the change we want to see. No one will do it for us. But together, we can.”

A tireless leader and activist who’s influenced the lives of many women and girls in Eswatini, Vimbai is a firm believer in women’s capacity, tenacity, and adaptability to lead and drive transformative change in their communities. When she thinks about peace, she dreams about women coming together, taking up space, and walking side by side for a more peaceful and gender-equal world in which harmful stereotypes and cultural practices are left behind.

Follow, engage, and amplify the work of Vimbai's organization!

Parenting

Dad invited 24 kids to a birthday party. 0 RVSPd. Then they all showed up and trashed the place.

Parents are giving brilliant tips for tweaking invites so these catastrophes don't happen.

Unsplash & Canva Photos

This party was tragically a perfect storm of everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Kids birthday party culture is definitely having a moment in the public discourse. For one thing, parties have become outrageously expensive. Renting a lane at the bowling alley and getting some pizza for a dozen kids used to be the cheap party. Now that same experience will probably run $500 or more. If you tack on custom desserts (and not a Costco sheet cake), goodie bags, and a premium venue like a trampoline park or arcade, you could be looking at a bill of close to $1000! That's madness!

RSVP etiquette is in crisis, too. Social media is rife with stories of no one RSVPing, RSVPers no-showing on the day, and others sorts of rude or bizarre behavior from parents that turns parties sour and, sadly, ruin kids' birthdays.

One dad's recent story of a birthday party gone horribly wrong, though, definitely takes the cake.


toddler in a pink dress eating cakePlanning a kid's birthday means expecting the unexpected. Giphy

"My son's birthday was recently and we decided to throw him a party at a local place that was kid focused and amazing," the dad writes in a Reddit post. Due to classroom rules and wanting to pass the invitations out through school, the family invited all 24 kids from their child's class.

"Not a single parent RSVP'ed. Not a single one. My name, my phone number, AND my spouse's phone number was on the card. I'm literally staring at one ... that I handwrote and this was included on the invite. I handwrote every card so I know for a fact what was on there," he says.

Not wanting to cancel the birthday party (and traumatize his son), the dad began inviting kids from other branches of his network. Friends' kids, coworkers kids. Basically anyone with a warm body so that they could throw a proper party. In the end, the family planned and paid for 15 kids to attend the party, including a resounding zero from class.

And then everything went haywire.

"Party was yesterday night. ... We get there, get settled in, and start seeing kids come in. A few of his classmates began showing up. I was fine with that and was excited kids started showing up for him. And then more kids started showing up. One family brought 7 kids total; 3 teens, 2 slightly older kids, a girl from his classmates, and their cousin. Another family brought their son AND one of his friends because 'they didn't know if their son would know anyone there so we wanted to make sure he had a friend to play with'. So many of them brought siblings."

The numbers quickly got way, way out of hand. Organizers at the venue told the dad he was going to have to pay for all the extra kids that showed up. So the OP unfortunately had to tell anyone who brought uninvited kids, or failed to RSVP, that they would have to pay their own way for all the crafts and activities available at the venue.

A few families apologized and ponied up, but... "I had multiple parents tell me that they didn't know they couldn't bring their other kids and promised to pay before they left. Some asked for my Cashapp/Venmo/Zelle so they could reimburse me later since they couldn't afford it right now. Some just left, a few taking their presents with them."

With so many kids running amok, the party took an unfortunate turn. Kids started being mean to an animal that was brought out for entertainment and its handlers had to put it away. Trash went flying everywhere. Kids climbed on tables and got kicked out. It was pandemonium.


gif of woman jumping on a table and it collapsing beneath herKids at the party climbed on and broke furnitureGiphy

In the end, dad had to pay an extra cleaning fee, pay for damage done to the venue, and pay for all the extra kids who showed up whose parents left before chipping in. Worse yet, his son was devastated at how the party turned out.

"I was in tears. My son is really upset that there were so many mean kids. He said this was the worst party ever and asked to not have a party for next year."

The obvious question coming out of this story: Why are people so awful?!

Stories like this one sadly aren't rare. The cynical take is that parents are ruder and more self-absorbed than ever, that our socially disconnected society has diluted our sense of community and obligation to be kind to each other.

The slightly more optimistic and probably more accurate take is that today's parents are completely overwhelmed and have their hands full coordinating handfuls of events that are months away, responding to dozens of daily emails from school and teachers and daycares, being engaged and hands-on in every aspects of their kids lives, etc. So RSVPs sometimes slip to the bottom of the list and get forgotten. The behavior in this dad's story is appalling, but probably not intentionally malicious.

Still, social media users were furious on behalf of the child and his parents in the story.

"This is unacceptable behavior," wrote one commenter.

"People suck and kids parties bring out the worst in people!" added another.

Whatever the cause, there are a few ways you can protect yourself and your kids from birthday party catastrophes like this one.

Don't include the specific location on the invite. The best way to stop people who didn't RSVP from showing up unannounced is to stay vague about the party venue. Just put the day and time on the invitation so people can save the date, but make them text or call before you tell them where the party will be held. That way, you can secure a commitment beforehand.

Specify whether siblings are welcome. Unfortunately, some parents have been known to use other kids birthday parties as informal daycares, dropping all of their kids off at once and taking themselves a nice break! It's not all conniving, though. It is legitimately a lot easier on some families to bring everyone along to a party rather than dividing and conquering to entertain siblings who weren't invited. Just be clear on the invite or in RSVP discussions about who's allowed to come and whether parents are expected to stay (or if it's a "drop off party").

Understand classroom rules. A lot of schools now require that, if birthday party invitations get handed out in class, that everyone is invited. That rules comes from a great place of not wanting anyone to feel left out, but it also causes a lot of problems. The inclusivity is a positive but it also means you end up inviting a lot of kids and parents you don't know very well or at all. If you're up for this logistical challenge, go for it! But if not, consider a smaller party with just your child's good friends—and invite them privately outside of school.

Finally, for anyone on the receiving end of a birthday party invitation, don't be a jerk! RSVPing either way is a much appreciated gesture. On the chance that you do forget to RSVP (it happens), don't show up unannounced. It may not seem like a big deal, but when a couple dozen sets of parents all have the same thought, this dad's viral story shows exactly what can go wrong.

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Dad's heartfelt lunch message shows how simple, everyday acts can change lives

You can make a huge difference by using O Organics.

via Meg Sullivan (used with permission) and Canva/Photos

A volunteer hands out food in a food bank and Meg Sullivan shares her dad's kind gesture.

When we consider people who have had a positive impact on the world, we often think of those who have made grand gestures to improve the lives of others, such as Martin Luther King, Jr., Greta Thunberg, or Mahatma Gandhi. Unfortunately, that type of effort is out of reach for the average person.

However, O Organics would like to remind everyone that they can positively impact the world through small, consistent acts of kindness that add up over time. Much like how a small creek can create a valley over the years, we can change lives through small, consistent acts of kindness.

O Organics is dedicated to the well-being of all by nourishing people everywhere with delicious organic foods grown by producers who meet USDA-certified organic farming standards.

Upworthy's Instagram page recently posted a touching example of everyday kindness. Meg Sullivan shared how her father, Tom, peeled oranges for her lunch just about every day from kindergarten through high school. But on the final day of her senior year of high school, he sent his 17-year-old daughter unpeeled oranges with a touching note about how she’d have to start peeling them for herself.



“It’s Time Baby Girl,” he wrote on a wikiHow printout on how to peel an orange with a drawing of himself crying. For the father, this daily ritual was about more than just making lunch; it was about showing that he cared by going the extra mile. “I could have put money on her lunch account,” Tom told Today.com. “But it’s one of those little things I thought was important, that she knows somebody’s taking the time to take care of her.”

The small, daily gesture taught Megan an essential lesson in kindness.

The post reminded people how their fathers’ small acts of kindness meant so much to them. “My dad peeled my oranges until I graduated high school, too. Now, I peel my daughter’s oranges and will for the next 7 plus years,” Katie wrote in the comments. “Love this. My dad peeled mine, too. When I moved out, he gave me an orange peeler gadget,” Mary added.

o organics, albertson's giving backO Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list.via Albertson's

Did you know that every time you go to the supermarket, you can also change the world through small gestures? O Organics not only allows you to feed your family delicious and nutritious organic food, but each purchase also gives back to help people and communities facing food insecurity.

Through contributions from customers like you, O Organics donates up to 28 million meals annually. The company’s contribution is essential when, according to the USDA, 47.4 million Americans live in food-insecure households.

O Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list. “Over the years, we have made organic foods more accessible by expanding O Organics to every aisle across our stores, making it possible for health and budget-conscious families to incorporate organic food into every meal,” Jennifer Saenz, EVP and Chief Merchandising Officer at Albertsons, one of many stores where you can find O Organics products, said in a statement.

O Organics now offers over 1500 items, from dairy products such as eggs and milk to packaged meats and breakfast staples such as cereal bars, granola and oatmeal. You can also enjoy affordable organic produce with O Organics’ fresh salads and fruit.

Everybody wants to make the world a better place. With O Organics, you can feed your family healthy, organic food every time you go to the market while paying it forward by contributing to the company’s efforts to end food insecurity nationwide. That’s a small, daily gesture that can amount to incredible change.

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Here’s a paycheck for a McDonald’s worker. And here's my jaw dropping to the floor.

So we've all heard the numbers, but what does that mean in reality? Here's one year's wages — yes, *full-time* wages. Woo.

Making a little over 10,000 for a yearly salary.

I've written tons of things about minimum wage, backed up by fact-checkers and economists and scholarly studies. All of them point to raising the minimum wage as a solution to lifting people out of poverty and getting folks off of public assistance. It's slowly happening, and there's much more to be done.

But when it comes right down to it, where the rubber meets the road is what it means for everyday workers who have to live with those wages. I honestly don't know how they do it.

Ask yourself: Could I live on this small of a full-time paycheck? I know what my answer is.

(And note that the minimum wage in many parts of the county is STILL $7.25, so it would be even less than this).

paychecks, McDonalds, corporate power, broken system

One year of work at McDonalds grossed this worker $13,811.18.

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The YouTube channel Just Frugal Me discussed the viral paycheck and noted there's absolutely nothing wrong with working at McDonald's. More than 2 million people in the U.S. alone work for the fast food giant. The worker's paycheck shows they put in 72 hours over the pay period making $8.75 per hour. Before taxes, that's $631 for the week. Just Frugal Me's breakdown is even more eye opening, breaking down this person's pay after taxes and weighed across average rent and utility costs. Spoiler Alert: the total costs for basic necessities far outweighs what this person is making even while working 12 hours per day. But they do make too much to qualify for Medicaid, meaning they will have to go out and buy their own health insurance.

Even in states like California, where the state's $20 minimum wage ensures that people earn nearly three times as much as the federal minimum wage, which remains as low as when this paycheck first made the rounds nearly 10 years ago.

Still, even for a worker that maxed out at 40 hours per week and took zero vacation or sick time, that's only a little over $41,000 per year. That's barely half the median wage in the state of $78,000 and far below a sustainable living wage in cities like Los Angeles.


This story originally appeared ten years ago. It has been updated to reflect new information.

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Pets

Depressed shelter cat turns into life of the party after moving into senior living facility

George keeps the residents on their toes with 4 AM zoomies.

Photo credit: Canva

Sad shelter cat gets a new gig at assisted living facility

Cats like dogs have been domesticated and generally thrive off of human companionship. Some might even venture to say that these animals do best when they feel like they're serving a purpose, even if that purpose is to be the foot warmer at the end of your bed. This centuries worth of domestication is the reason so many pets prefer to live amongst humans but for some, one human just won't do.

George is a 7-year-old white domestic shorthair that once called a senior living facility home but when the home closed down, the cat was out of a job. The staff at the facility that housed George brought him to a local animal shelter where he became depressed fairly quickly. Finding a home for the sad cat wan't going to be an easy feat since on top of him looking visibly depressed, he also has a rather unique look.

Many people would love an all white cat but George looks a little off. One of his ears is folded inward at the base and points forward while the other folds down and points off the the side appearing smaller than average cat ears. Couple that with his mopey face and it's a recipe for a long shelter stay.

Tired Cat GIFGiphy

But Four Footed Friends Animal Shelter in Indiana, Pennsylvania did not plan to let George stay in the shelter longer than needed. They knew the sad kitty didn't need to wait for a family to see the potential beyond his physical flaws because George needed a job. A job where he got to be the center of attention any time he walked into the room so Alex and the people at the animal shelter went on the hunt for another senior care home.

"He was definitely depressed, he was down. We had him in a kennel away from the other cats. He responded every time we walked by he gave us a little meow. He wanted attention. You could just tell he just wasn't happy about his situation," Alex tells Geobeats.

The plan quickly became to get George back to work so the shelter started telling local nursing homes about the furry companion in hopes one of them would give him a chance. After the senior living facilities found out the cat had years of previous experience that allows him to bypass meow-ientation, they were lining up to add George to their staff.

Eventually the shelter chose Forest Hills Personal Care Home and George has made himself at home. To no one's surprise, he's purr-fect at his job.

"He's not a loud cat, he's not a super playful cat, he is a comforting cat. I think that's more his speed. He's a lap cat, he's a cuddle cat and he's the kind of boy that'll be very loyal to you and follow you around. He thrives on being able to be with a lot of people," Alex explains. "He wouldn't have done well in a home with just one or two people."

The residents at the personal care home love him and give him all the attention he could ever possibly need. But once his shift is over, all the elderly residents are sound asleep and the night nurses are counting the minutes before their reprieve arrives, George lets loose. He gets the late night zoomies to get in his cardio before another long day of caring for his residents. It sure is hard being a working cat sometimes but somehow George manages to do it without bending a whisker.

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Culture

In 125 years, millions of people have looked at this painting. No one really saw it until recently.

Van Gogh saw something it took scientists another 100 years to see.

Image from Wikimedia Commons.

Van Gogh’s Starry Night.

Van Gogh never got to enjoy his own historic success as an artist (even though we've been able to imagine what that moment might have looked like). But it turns out that those of us who have appreciated his work have been missing out on some critical details for more than 100 years. I'm not easily impressed, OK? I know Van Gogh was a genius. If the point of this were "Van Gogh was a mad genius," I would not be sharing this with you.

But I found this and I thought, "Oh, what a vaguely interesting thing." And then I got to the part about the Hubble Space Telescope, and, let me tell you: Mind. Blown. We've got the set up here, but you have to watch the video for the full effect. It's all the way at the bottom. Get this: Van Gogh was a pretty cool artist (duh), but as it turns out...

painting, science, psychotic

What’s the truth behind when you take off an ear?

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...he was also A SCIENTIST!*

*Pretty much.

Here's the story.

While Van Gogh was in an asylum in France, after he mutilated his ear during a psychotic episode*...

(*Or, and I'd like to thank the entire Internet for pointing this out, there's a theory that his friend Paul Gauguin actually cut off his ear, in a drunken sword fight, in the dark. The more you know!)

science, premonition, predictions

Animated a thinking one-eared Van Gogh.

All Van Gogh GIFs via TED-Ed.

...he was able to capture one of science's most elusive concepts:

~~~TURBULENCE~~~

research, studied, proof, genius

Animated "Starry Night."

assets.rebelmouse.io

turbulence, fluid dynamics, energy cascade

Turbulence expressed through art.

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Although it's hard to understand with math (like, REALLY HARD), it turns out that art makes it easy to depict how it LOOKS.

So what is turbulence?

Turbulence, or turbulent flow, is a concept of fluid dynamics where fluid movements are "self-similar" when there's an energy cascade — so basically, big eddies make smaller eddies, and those make even smaller ones ... and so on and so forth.

It looks like this:

figures, explanation, education, community

Pictures explain science.

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See? It's easier to look at pictures to understand it.

Thing is, scientists are pretty much *just* starting to figure this stuff out.

reference, research, wisdom

Animation of referencing art to science.

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Then you've got Van Gogh, 100 years earlier, in his asylum, with a mutilated ear, who totally nailed it!

illumination, luminance, pulsing

Science studying Van Gogh.

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The folks who noticed Van Gogh's ability to capture turbulence checked to see whether other artists did the same. Most impressionists achieved " luminance" with their art (which is the sort-of *pulsing* you see when you look at their paintings that really shows what light looks like).

But did other artists depict turbulence the way Van Gogh did?

NOPE.

The Scream, historical, popular, famous

Animated “The Scream."

assets.rebelmouse.io

Not even "The Scream" could hold a candle to Van Gogh!

technology, star turbulence, sky, astronomy

Capturing concepts of nature.

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Even in his darkest time, Van Gogh was able to capture — eerily accurately — one of nature's most complex and confusing concepts ... 100 years before scientists had the technology to observe actual star turbulence and realize its similarity to fluid turbulence mathematics as well as Van Gogh's swirling sky. Cool, huh?

Watch the video below to learn even more:

This article originally appeared twelve years ago.

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Modern Families

One's white. The other's black. But their mom wants you to know they're still identical twins.

via DanielandDavid2 / Instagram

On February 26, 2019, Stacy and Babajide Omirin of Lagos, Nigeria got quite the shock. When Stacy delivered identical twins through C-section one came out black and the other, white.

The parents knew they were having identical twins and expected them to look exactly the same. But one has a white-looking complexion and golden, wavy hair.

"It was a massive surprise," Stacy told The Daily Mail. "Daniel came first, and then the nurse said the second baby has golden hair. I thought how can this be possible. I looked down and saw David, he was completely white."

"I called my husband in so he could see what we had here," she continued, "I didn't understand. He couldn't believe what he saw either. They are so adorable and it felt like we had been given a miracle."

The boy's father was overjoyed when he saw the unique pair arrive into the world.

"Their dad was really overwhelmed and immediately named My Twin 2 (David) 'Golden,' so he fondly calls him Mr. Golden," Stacy told Bored Panda. "He was all overjoyed seeing his boys. He stood for more than 10 minutes staring at them and said he was just looking at God's wonderful work and that they are his best gift ever."

David was born with a condition called oculocutaneous albinism which affects one in 20,000 births each year.

It occurs when the body produces little or no melanin, resulting in a lack of hair pigment and light skin. It can also cause visual problems, but Stacy says Daniel is perfectly healthy.

According to Action on Albinism, albinos in Nigeria suffer from a "high level of discrimination." Nigerians with albinism are more prone to live in poverty, resulting in a lack off access to education and basic healthcare.

A study conducted in 2014 found 41% of persons with albinism interviewed exhibit mental health issues related to being a person with albinism.

The twins are often the center of attention when the family goes out in public, so they started an Instagram page to create "awareness" about their unique family. "We opened an account for them because we believe they have a story to tell to the world," Stacy said.

"I have to answer questions all the time when we are out. People say ''excuse me madam, which one of the kids is yours?''" she said. "I just say both of them are mine and people look at me as if I am joking."

Some women have told the family that they pray at night in hopes of having twins like Daniel and David. "They are special to everyone and I love them. It feels special to be their mother because they are a special kind of twins," Stacey said.

"I believe I am blessed and I am so proud of them."


This article originally appeared five years ago.

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