The uncomfortable truth about tipping, explained with stick figures

It’s about time we got to the bottom of this.

Dec 7, 2017

Tipping isn’t about gratitude for good service – Photo credit: Photo by Sam Dan Truong on Unsplash

This post was originally published on Wait But Why.

Tipping is not about generosity.

Tipping isn’t about gratitude for good service. And tipping certainly isn’t about doing what’s right and fair for your fellow man.

Tipping is about making sure you don’t mess up what you’re supposed to do.

In my case, the story goes like this: In college, I was a waiter at a weird restaurant called Fire and Ice. This is the front page of their website (FYI: those lame word labels are on the site, not added by me):

All photos are from the original WaitButWhy post and used with permission.

That sad guy in the back is one of the waiters. He’s sad because he gets no salary and relies on tips like every other waiter, but people undertip him because at this restaurant they get their own food so they think he’s not a real waiter even though he has to bring them all their drinks and side dishes and give them a full tour of the restaurant and tell them how it works like a clown and then bus the table because they have no busboys at the restaurant and just when the last thing he needs is for the managers to be mean and powerful middle-aged women who are mean to him, that’s what also happens.

Bad life experiences aside, the larger point here is that I came out of my time as a waiter as a really good tipper, like all people who have ever worked in a job that involves tipping. And friends of mine would sometimes notice this and say sentences like, “Tim is a really good tipper.”

My ego took a liking to these sentences, and now 10 years later, I’ve positioned myself right in the “good but not ridiculously good tipper” category.

So anytime a tipping situation arises, all I’m thinking is, “What would a good but not ridiculously good tipper do here?”

Sometimes I know exactly what the answer to that question is, and things run smoothly. But other times, I find myself in the dreaded Ambiguous Tipping Situation.

Ambiguous Tipping Situations can lead to a variety of disasters:

1. The Inadvertent Undertip

2. The Inadvertent Overtip

3. The “Shit Am I Supposed To Tip Or Not?” Horror Moment

I don’t want to live this way anymore. So , I decided to do something about it.

I put on my Weird But Earnest Guy Doing a Survey About Something hat and hit the streets, interviewing 123 people working in New York jobs that involve tipping. My interviews included waiters, bartenders, baristas, manicurists, barbers, busboys, bellhops, valets, attendants, cab drivers, restaurant delivery people, and even some people who don’t get tipped but I’m not sure why, like acupuncturists and dental hygienists.

I covered a bunch of different areas in New York, including SoHo, the Lower East Side, Harlem, the Upper East Side, and the Financial District, and I tried to capture a wide range, from the fanciest places to the dive-iest.

About 10% of the interviews ended after seven seconds when people were displeased by my presence and I’d slowly back out of the room, but for the most part, people were happy to talk to me about tipping — how much they received, how often, how it varied among customer demographics, how large a portion of their income tipping made up, etc. And it turns out that service industry workers have a lot to say on the topic.

I supplemented my findings with the help of a bunch of readers who wrote with detailed information about their own experiences and with a large amount of research, especially from the website of Wm. Michael Lynn, a leading tipping expert.

So I know stuff about this now. Here’s what you need to know before you tip someone.

1. The stats.

The most critical step in avoiding Ambiguous Tipping Situations is just knowing what you’re supposed to do. I took all the stats that seem to have a broad consensus on them and put them into this table:

This table nicely fills in key gaps in my previous knowledge. The basic idea with the low/average/high tipping levels used above is that if you’re in the average range, you’re fine and forgotten. If you’re in the low or high range, you’re noticed and remembered. And service workers have memories like elephants.

2. What tipping well (or not well) means for your budget.

Since tipping is such a large part of life, it seems like we should stop to actually understand what being a low, average, or high tipper means for our budget.

Looking at it simply, you can do some quick math and figure out one portion of your budget. For example, maybe you think you have 100 restaurant meals a year at about $25/meal — so according to the above chart, being a low, average, and high restaurant tipper all year will cost you $350 (14% tips), $450 (18% tips), and $550 (22% tips) a year. In this example, it costs a low tipper $100/year to become an average tipper and an average tipper $100/year to become a high tipper.

I got a little more comprehensive and came up with three rough profiles: Low Spender, Mid Spender, and High Spender. These vary both in the frequency of times they go to a restaurant or bar or hotel, etc., and the fanciness of the services they go to — i.e., High Spender goes to fancy restaurants and does so often and Low Spender goes out to eat less often and goes to cheaper places. I did this to cover the extremes and the middle; you’re probably somewhere in between.

3. Other factors that should influence specific tipping decisions.

One thing my interviews made clear is that there’s this whole group of situation-related factors that service industry workers think are super relevant to the amount you should tip — it’s just that customers never got the memo. Most customers have their standard tip amount in mind and don’t really think about it much beyond that.

Here’s what service workers want you to consider when you tip them:

Time matters. Sometimes a bartender cracks open eight bottles of beer, which takes 12 seconds, and sometimes she makes eight multi-ingredient cocktails with olives and a whole umbrella scene on each, which takes four minutes, and those two orders should not be tipped equally, even though they might cost the same amount.

Effort matters. Food delivery guys are undertipped. They’re like a waiter, except your table is on the other side of the city. $2 really isn’t a sufficient tip (and one delivery guy I talked to said 20% of people tip nothing). $3 or $4 is much better. And when it’s storming outside? The delivery guys I talked to all said the tips don’t change in bad weather — that’s not logical. Likewise, while tipping on takeout orders is nice but not necessary, one restaurant manager complained to me about Citibank ordering 35 lunches to go every week, which takes a long time for some waiter to package (with the soup wrapped carefully, coffees rubber-banded, dressings and condiments put in side containers) and never tipping. Effort matters and that deserves a tip.

Their salary matters. It might not make sense that in the U.S. we’ve somewhat arbitrarily deemed certain professions as “tipped professions” whereby the customers are in charge of paying the professional’s salary instead of their employer, but that’s the way it is. And as such, you have some real responsibility when being served by a tipped professional that you don’t have when being served by someone else.

It’s nice to give a coffee barista a tip, but you’re not a horrible person if you don’t because at least they’re getting paid without you. Waiters and bartenders, on the other hand, receive somewhere between $2 and $5/hour (usually closer to $2), and this part of their check usually goes entirely to taxes. Your tips are literally their only income. They also have to “tip out” the other staff, so when you tip a waiter, you’re also tipping the busboy, bartender, and others. For these reasons, it’s never acceptable to tip under 15%, even if you hate the service. The way to handle terrible service is to complain to the manager like you would in a non-tipping situation. You’re not allowed to stiff on the tip and make them work for free.

Service matters. It seems silly to put this in because it seems obvious, and yet, Michael Lynn’s research shows the amount that people tip barely correlates at all to the quality of service they receive. So while stiffing isn’t OK, it’s good to have a range in mind, not a set percentage, since good service should be tipped better than bad service.

I also discovered some other interesting (and weird) findings and facts about tipping.

1. Different demographics absolutely do tip differently

“Do any demographics of people — age, gender, race, nationality, sexual orientation, religion, profession — tend to tip differently than others?” ran away with the “Most Uncomfortable Question to Ask or Answer” award during my interviews, but it yielded some pretty interesting info. I only took seriously a viewpoint I heard at least three times, and in this post, I’m only including those viewpoints that were backed up by my online research and Lynn’s statistical studies.

Here’s the overview, which is a visualization of the results of Lynn’s polling of over 1,000 waiters. Below, each category of customer is placed at their average rating over the 1,000+ waiter surveys in the study:

Fascinating and awkward. Throughout my interviews, I heard a lot of opinions reinforcing what’s on that chart and almost none that contradicted it. The easiest one for people to focus on was foreigners being bad tippers because, first, it’s not really a demographic so it’s less awkward, and second, people could blame it on them “not knowing,” if they didn’t want to be mean. Others, though, scoffed at that, saying, “Oh they know…” As far as foreigners go, the French have the worst reputation.

People also consistently said those who act “entitled” or “fussy” or “like the world’s out to get them” are usually terrible tippers.

On the good-tipping side, people who are vacationing or drunk (or both) tip well, as do “regulars” who get to know the staff, and of course, the group of people everyone agrees are the best tippers are those who also work in the service industry (which, frankly, creeped me out by the end — they’re pretty cultish and weird about how they feel about tipping each other well).

2. Here are six proven ways for waiters to increase their tips:

Be the opposite gender of your customer
Introduce yourself by name
Sit at the table or squat next to it when taking the order
Touch the customer, in a non-creepy way
Give the customer candy when you bring the check

Of course those things work. Humans are simple.

3. A few different people said that when a tip is low, they assume the customer is cheap or hurting for money.

But when it’s high, they assume it’s because they did a great job serving the customer or because they’re likable (not that the customer is generous).

4. When a guy tips an attractive female an exorbitant amount, it doesn’t make her think he’s rich or generous or a big shot — it makes her think he’s trying to impress her.

Very transparent and ineffective, but she’s pleased to have the extra money.

5. Don’t put a zero in the tip box if it’s a situation when you’re not tipping — it apparently comes off as mean and unnecessary.

Just leave it blank and write in the total.

6. According to valets and bellhops, when people hand them a tip, they almost always do the “double fold” where they fold the bills in half twice and hand it to them with the numbers facing down so the amount of the tip is hidden.

However, when someone’s giving a really great tip, they usually hand them the bills unfolded and with the amount showing.

7. Some notes about other tipping professions I didn’t mention above:

Apparently no one tips flight attendants, and if you do, you’ll probably receive free drinks thereafter.
Golf caddies say that golfers tip better when they play better, but they always tip the best when it’s happening in front of clients.
Tattoo artists expect $10-20 on a $100 job and $40-60 on a $400 job, but they get nothing from 30% of people.
A massage therapist expects a $15-20 tip and receives one 95% of the time — about half of a massage therapist’s income is tips.
A whitewater rafting guide said he always got the best tips after a raft flipped over or something happened where people felt in danger.
Strippers not only usually receive no salary, they often receive a negative salary, i.e. they need to pay the club a fee in order to work there.

8. According to Lynn, tips in the U.S. add up to over $40 billion each year.

This is more than double NASA’s budget.

9. The U.S. is the most tip-crazed country in the world, but there’s a wide variety of tipping customs in other countries.

Tipping expert Magnus Thor Torfason’s research shows that 31 service professions involve tipping in the U.S. That number is 27 in Canada, 27 in India, 15 in the Netherlands, 5-10 throughout Scandinavia, 4 in Japan, and 0 in Iceland.

10. The amount of tipping in a country tends to correlate with the amount of corruption in the country.

This is true even after controlling for factors like national GDP and crime levels. The theory is that the same norms that encourage tipping end up leaking over into other forms of exchange. The U.S. doesn’t contribute to this general correlation, with relatively low corruption levels.

11. Celebrities should tip well because the person they tip will tell everyone they know about it forever, and everyone they tell will tell everyone they know about it forever.

For example: A friend of mine served Arnold Schwarzenegger and his family at a fancy lunch place in Santa Monica called Cafe Montana. Since he was the governor, they comped him the meal. And he left a $5 bill as the tip. I’ve told that story to a lot of people.

Celebrities known to tip well (these are the names that come up again and again in articles about this): Johnny Depp, Charles Barkley, David Letterman, Bill Murray, Charlie Sheen, Drew Barrymore
Celebrities known to tip badly: Tiger Woods, Mariah Carey, LeBron James, Heidi Klum, Bill Cosby, Madonna, Barbara Streisand, Rachael Ray, Sean Penn, Usher

I’ll finish off by saying that digging into this has made it pretty clear that it’s bad to be a bad tipper.

Don’t be a bad tipper.

As far as average versus high, that’s a personal choice and just a matter of where you want to dedicate whatever charity dollars you have to give to the world.

There’s no shame in being an average tipper and saving the generosity for other places, but I’d argue that the $200 or $500 or $1,500 per year it takes (depending on your level of spending) to become a high tipper is a pretty good use of money. Every dollar means a ton in the world of tips.

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Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends – Photo credit: Array

Family, Modern Families, Motherhood

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.

Even in divided times, small acts of friendship help create vibrant communities where everyone feels safe.

Sarah Watts

2/11/2026

In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.
“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.
“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.
Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.
Understanding the journey
Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.

Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.
A warm welcome
Dee and Omary's son, Osman
Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.

“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”

Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.

“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”

Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.

“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”

More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.

“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”
Extending the welcome
Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.
Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.

“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.
Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.
“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.
“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”
Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.
This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.

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Gift giving should feel good for the giver and the receiver. But around the holidays, it can be a major cause of stress. – Photo credit: @morethangrand/TikTok

Family, Modern Families, Parenting, Popular

Grandma offers wake-up call for grandparents who can’t stop buying the grandkids presents

She’s got the perfect solution for what to do when you just can’t pass up a great deal at the store.

Heather Wake

Upworthy Staff

3/4/2026
Parents and grandparents find themselves at odds frequently. It could be a disagreement over how much screen time the kids get, battles over grandma giving them too many sweets, or arguments around how often grandma and grandpa should be babysitting. Conflict in their relationships is almost a given, and navigating disagreements in a healthy, productive way is key for the relationship to evolve and grow.

One huge source of that conflict comes in the form of… stuff! All parents can relate to the sense of dread they feel at the sight of the grandparents arriving for a visit with a trunk-full of of presents. Toys, furniture, costumes, decor, you name it. And that’s just on a regular Tuesday. Around the holidays, it can get even worse. It’s not that they don’t want their kids getting gifts, it’s just all too much, especially when you live in a home with a finite amount of storage.

DeeDee Moore, a grandma behind the website More Than Grand, recently shared on the her TikTok account that “too much stuff” given from grandparents to their grandkids is one of the main sources of holiday frustration for parents.

Moore says experience gifts, and spending quality time, are better options than trunk-loads of presents. Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash

“75% of the parents that we surveyed wished grandparents would respect their wishes about gifts,” she explained, noting that while there are myriad reasons why this would be the case, the most common one (and incidentally the one most “waved off” by the grandparents) is the lack of physical space to accommodate.

Now, you might be thinking: How much harm can it really do to give a kid a new card game or a baby doll? Certainly those don’t take up that much room. But when Moore breaks down the math, it’s a bit hard to deny.

“Say your grandson has four other grandparents and four aunts and uncles. Each of these people get him one gift for a second birthday. That’s already nine gifts plus something for mom and dad. We’re up to 10,” she said.

“If all of those grandparents buy him three things, and two of the aunts get him a little extra something, that’s 22 presents for a 2 year old who would be just as happy with a box.”

Add in gifts from friends, and random gift-dumps from grandma when she’s been on a hot-streak at the thrift store, and you’ve got a serious storage problem on your hands.

@morethangrand
Gifts should be a joy for both the giver and recipient, but at this time of year, they can end up being a source of conflict. Watch for a tip on how to channel your grandparent generosity! For more ways to navigate hotspots during upcoming holidays, make sure you are on our email list! Go to my bio to sign up! #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandma #newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #grannytok #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting
♬ original sound – MoreThanGrand

Yikes, gotta admit that’s a lot. And that’s not counting the additional problems too much gift-giving can incite listed on the More Than Grand website, which included:
- Undermining the parent’s values that they are trying to instill to their children
- Damaging a child’s ability to use their imagination
- Normalizing overconsumption
- Teaching children to associate seeing grandma or grandpa with getting a gift, rather than focusing on the actual relationship
(Here’s another one: Too many gifts steals Mom and Dad’s thunder! Parents often put a lot of thought into picking out presents they know their kids will love, only for them to get buried in the avalanche of surprise presents.)

These are all good points, and yet, what to do with all those good intentions and a desire to spoil some precious little nugget? Luckily, Moore has the perfect fix.

“While your grandchildren are faced with getting too many gifts, many children are in the opposite situation. Take some of the things you bought to Toys for Tots or another organization that provides gifts for less fortunate families.”

This allows folks to step into the “true spirit of giving,” Moore concluded.

Viewers by and large seemed to agree, though many also noted how powerful experiential or future-building gifts could be, even if they’re not as cute as toys or as fun to open.

@morethangrand
How often do we hear “it takes a village to raise a child’? Grandparents can be that village, but it can be hard to show up the way today’s parents need. We created a digital grandparenting course that will teach you everything you need to know to be the village for your grandchild’s parents. It’s called New Grandparent Essentials, and you can find a link in my profile! It’s the best investment you can make in your family as you become a grandparent! #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #grannytok #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting
♬ original sound – MoreThanGrand

“My in-laws opened up a college fund for both my kids. Instead of stuff they put more money in the account. I’m so grateful!” one person wrote.

Another added, “I am giving experiences and putting money in an account for future needs (college, 1st house, starting business, etc).”

In the vein, here are two other tips grandparents can use for intentional gift-giving…

First and foremost: open up a discussion with the parents. See if they need help with a big ticket item, find out which hobby or sport the child is interested in, ask what’s a definite “no.” this can save a lot of headaches for everyone.

“The gifts should surprise the grandkids, not their parents,” as one commenter wrote on the video.

Second: prioritize memories over stuff. A trip to the zoo, an education membership, a ticket for two to the movies…these are often the gifts that truly keep on giving.

And grandparents, don’t forget: just because you’re honoring boundaries, it doesn’t mean you have to pass up that sweet little something you see in the aisles. After all, shopping is fun, and it’s even better when you find a great deal or a cool discovery. But it can easily go to a little one who could really use it.

For even more tip on all things grandparenting, give More Than Grand a follow here.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.
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A mom talking to her son and Dr. Becky Kennedy. – Photo credit: Canva and Business Wire

Family, Parenting

‘Millennial Parenting Whisperer’ shares the most important moment to have with your child

“I wouldn’t want to deprive my kids of that opportunity.”

Tod Perry

3/4/2026

Parents spend 18 years raising their children (and sometimes more), so it’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment that matters most in their upbringing. Is it helping them with homework when they’re struggling? Inspiring them to get back up after failure? Or is it the example you set when interacting with loved ones?

According to Dr. Becky Kennedy, dubbed the “Millennial Parenting Whisperer,” the most important moment comes after you’ve messed up as a parent.

Kennedy, known online as “Dr. Becky,” is a clinical psychologist and the founder and CEO of Good Inside, a parent-coaching platform designed to “help you solve current challenges and get ahead of future ones.”

Dr. Becky Kennedy. Photo credit: World Economic Forum/Flickr

On a recent episode of What Now? With Trevor Noah, Dr. Becky shared why repairing relationships is the most important thing a parent can do. Even though she is one of America’s most popular family psychologists, she often falls short of perfection and loses her cool, just like any parent. But these moments of imperfection matter because they allow her to grow with her child—and that’s invaluable.

“I mean it with such honesty that my kids don’t have some Dr. Becky person as a mom,” she said. “I also mean equally that I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. I mean, we learn the most in our relationships when people take responsibility for their behavior, when people repair. I wouldn’t want to deprive my kids of that opportunity, and that’s such [an important] part of healthy relationships.”

Why repair is so important in relationships

“After all, there’s almost nothing within our interpersonal relationships that can have as much impact as repair,” Dr. Becky said in a 2023 TED Talk. “Repair is the act of going back to a moment of disconnection. Taking responsibility for your behavior and acknowledging the impact it had on another. And I want to differentiate a repair from an apology, because when an apology often looks to shut a conversation down, ‘Hey, I’m sorry I yelled. Can we move on now?’ A good repair opens one up.”

Dr. Becky shares how to repair a relationship with a child

“I often think about three elements: name what happened, take responsibility, state what you would do differently the next time. It could come together like this:

‘Hey. I keep thinking about what happened the other night in the kitchen. I’m sorry I yelled. I’m sure that felt scary. And it wasn’t your fault. I’m working on staying calm, even when I’m frustrated.’

A 15-second intervention can have a lifelong impact.”

Dr. Becky’s advice should be uplifting to parents everywhere because no one is perfect—not even Dr. Becky—and we will all lose our cool at times. But when it happens, it gives us the opportunity to teach our kids the most important interpersonal skill: how to repair a relationship that has ruptured.

When we learn how to repair our relationships, we can ensure they won’t fail at the first sign of trouble. Instead, stronger relationships have the potential to stand the test of time.

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A psychologist breaks down the 5 types of core memories your kid will cherish forever – Photo credit: Canva

Family, Kids, Modern Families, Popular

5 ‘core’ childhood memories your kid will cherish forever, according to a psychologist

No lavish vacation or expensive toys necessary.

Tod Perry

Upworthy Staff

3/3/2026

There’s a popular trend where parents often share they are creating “core memories” for their children on social media posts, whether it’s planning an elaborate vacation or creating an extra-special holiday moment. While it’s important for parents to want their kids to have happy childhoods, sometimes it feels presumptuous when they believe they can manufacture a core memory. Especially when a child’s inner world is so different than an adult’s.

The concept of “core memories” was made mainstream in 2015 thanks to Disney’s Inside Out. In it, “core memories” are born from moments and experiences that majorly shape a part of the main character, Riley’s, personality. The experience(s) can be grand or benign; the point is these moments are ultimately forming Riley into the person she is. Seems pretty hard to manufacture such a moment, but parents are certainly trying.

A media4.giphy.com

Carol Kim, a mother of three and licensed Marriage and family Therapist, known as Parenting.Resilience on Instagram, recently shared the “5 Things Kids Will Remember from Their Childhood” on her page. The fascinating insight is that none of the entries had to do with extravagant vacations, over-the-top birthday parties, or Christmas gifts that kids could only dream about.

According to Kim, the five things that kids will remember all revolve around their parents’ presence and support. “Notice how creating good memories doesn’t require expensive toys or lavish family trips. Your presence is the most valuable present you can give to your child,” Kim wrote in the post’s caption.

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1. Quality time together

“Taking some time to focus only on your child is very special. Playing games, reading books, or just talking can create strong, happy memories. These moments show your child that you are present with them.”

2. Words of encouragement

“Encouraging words can greatly impact your child during both good times and tough times. Kids often seek approval from their parents and your positive words can be a strong motivator and source of comfort…. It can help kids believe in themselves, giving them the confidence to take on new challenges and keep going when things get tough.”

3. Family traditions

“It creates a feeling of stability and togetherness … Family traditions make children feel like they belong and are part of a larger story, deepening their sense of security and understanding of family identity and values.”

Even the simplest tradition speaks volumes. Photo credit: Canva

4. Acts of kindness

“Seeing and doing kind things leaves a strong impression on children. It shows them the importance of being kind and caring. They remember how good it feels to help others and to see their parents helping too.”

5. Comfort during tough times

“Knowing they can rely on you during tough times makes them feel secure and build trust. … Comforting them when they’re struggling shows them they are loved no matter what, helping them feel emotionally secure and strong.”

Kim’s strategies are all beautiful ways to be present in our children’s lives and to communicate our support. However, these seemingly simple behaviors can be challenging for some parents who are dealing with issues stemming from their pasts.

“If you find barriers to providing these things, it’s important to reflect on why,” Kim writes in the post. “There could be several reasons, such as parenting in isolation (we’re not meant to parent alone), feeling overstimulated, dealing with past trauma, or struggling with mental health. Recognizing these challenges is the first step to addressing them and finding support.”

This article originally appeared last year.

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A lunch box with a Cutwater can inside. – Photo credit: Apple Photos Clean Up

Family, Kids

Georgia police department shared a warning about kids bringing adult drinks to school. Only problem is it wasn’t real.

“Before you send them babies off to school… CHECK. THE. LUNCHBOX.”

Tod Perry

3/3/2026
It’s getting harder to distinguish adult drinks from kids’ drinks these days. In recent years, adult beverage makers have created new versions of traditionally “soft“ drinks and made them “hard,” whether it’s seltzer, kombucha, soda, lemonade, or juice boxes. So, it’s easy to be fooled when reaching into the back of the fridge for a kids’ drink and finding a Cutwater 11% ABV Lemon Drop Martini instead.

Recently, the South Fulton Police Department in Georgia shared a post about a Cutwater Lemon Drop Martini can in a lunch box. For the uninitiated, Cutwater drinks have double, and sometimes triple, the alcohol content of the average can of beer. With sweet flavors like Tiki Rum Mai Tai, Strawberry Margarita, and Rum Mojito, some mistake them for kids’ drinks.

To call attention to the problem, the South Fulton Police Department posted a pretty hilarious warning on Facebook, urging parents to watch what their kids bring to school:

“Say Twin…

Before you send them babies off to school…
CHECK. THE. LUNCHBOX.

That is NOT Capri Sun.
That is NOT Apple Juice.
That is a whole ‘Parent had a long night’ starter pack.

Now little Johnny done pulled up to 3rd period talking about: ‘Who want fruit snacks?’ knowing good and well he got a Lemon Drop Martini in the zipper pocket.

TIGHTEN UP TWIN!

We know mornings can be hectic…
But your child shouldn’t be the only one in the cafeteria with a beverage that requires an ID.

Quick Parent Checklist:
• Homework
• Lunch packed
• Alcoholic beverages

If it says 12% ABV… it does NOT belong next to a PB&J.

Check the lunchbox before the school resource officers gotta do inventory at recess.”

‘Say Twin’ has become a local catchphrase

The department’s use of “Say Twin” in its messaging has been a hit with locals. “‘Hey twin!’ It’s a term of endearment that’s here that has just taken off, especially in Atlanta,” South Fulton Mayor Carmalitha Gumbs told Atlanta News First. “It’s bringing light to real issues that we’re facing in our community. We’re meeting residents where they are, so they can actually get it.”

Coming Soon! Cutwater Lemon Drop Martini 🍋 🍸🤩

A perfect balance of their award winning vodka, tart lemon juice and a splash of sweetness ✨ pic.twitter.com/DcC60GLWMP
— DollDistributingCB (@BudweiserCB) February 21, 2024

The police department clarifies “confusion” around the story

Police in Georgia said an alcoholic beverage was found in a student’s lunch box earlier this week. Read more: https://t.co/XaGBKNvoFN pic.twitter.com/5KLkEkfu18
— ABC News 4 (@ABCNews4) February 26, 2026

After the story went viral, media outlets began poking around and asking South Fulton schools about the incident to find out where it happened. However, it didn’t. After the initial post, the South Fulton Police Department admitted the story wasn’t true.

It posted a clarification in the comments:
“Important: This did NOT happen in the City of South Fulton or in Fulton County Schools.

We’re sharing this because media outlets have started contacting local schools asking where it happened, and we don’t want any confusion in our community.

The real takeaway here is awareness. Across the country, there’s growing concern about alcoholic drinks being packaged to look like non-alcoholic ones and even being placed near them in stores, which can lead to honest mix-ups.

Friendly reminder to:
- Double-check lunchboxes and backpacks
- Keep alcohol stored safely and out of reach
- Talk with kids about only drinking what a trusted adult gives them
  
  We appreciate y’all helping us spread awareness and keep our community safe “
Was the update a clever backtrack after getting caught creating a fake story? Or was the original post a playful way to educate parents about a real problem the department never expected to be taken seriously? That’s for the people of South Fulton to decide.

The post inspired some hilarious comments

Even though the story was later proven false, the comments on the post are still pretty hilarious.

“Idk about y’all, but those 12% ABV be hitting pretty hard with that Smuckers Uncrustable on a hot summer’s day on the lake,” one person wrote.

“That kid was trying to get a little turnt at school today,” another added.

Some folks in the comments thought the drink may have been for the kid’s teacher. One joked, “… it was really sent for the teacher as a peace offering.”

Kids mistaking adult beverages for soft drinks is a real problem

A teacher in the San Antonio, Texas, area made a big mistake last summer, proving South Fulton’s warning wasn’t entirely unwarranted. The educator accidentally handed out Hard Mountain Dew drinks to students on the last day of seventh grade. One child went to the hospital after ingesting a Hard Mountain Dew Baja Blast Pineapple. The student drank nearly half a can and felt disoriented while at school.

“He says it tasted a little different,” Aaron Corso, the boy’s father, shared with KENS 5 News. “But he didn’t think too much of it. Because he doesn’t drink too much soda. He hardly drinks soda at all.”

This story from Texas and the warning out of Georgia are reminders to parents everywhere to be mindful of where they store alcoholic beverages, especially those that resemble soft drinks.
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A person looks on as a fire consumes a house – Photo credit: Canva

Family, Moms

Hero Mom repeatedly runs into burning house to save her 6 kids from devastating fire

By the fourth trip, the soles of her feet were falling off.

Adam Albright-Hanna

3/3/2026

On the morning of September 3, 2019, Emma Schols woke up in her home in Edsbyn, Sweden, to the sound of her two youngest sons calling out. The television room downstairs was on fire.

What happened in the next few minutes is almost impossible to read without holding your breath.

Emma sprinted downstairs barefoot and found her boys trapped in the playroom, surrounded by flames. She threw herself over them, took the fire on her own back, and shoved them out the front door. Then she locked it behind her from the inside, so they couldn’t follow her back in, per Goalcast.

A house burning down. Photo credit: Canva

She had four more children upstairs.

The staircase was already burning. With every step she climbed, the heat was eating through her feet. “For each step I thought that ‘this is not possible,’” she later recalled, “but then I thought that it must go for four of my children who are still up there. It was so hot that the soles of the feet start to drop from the feet. They just hang like threads.”

Upstairs, her 9-year-old daughter Nellie had already jumped from the balcony to get help. Her 11-year-old son William had found a ladder and was helping his siblings down. Emma fought through the smoke to reach the last room, where she found her baby daughter Mollie standing in her crib, terrified and crying. Emma had assumed Mollie might not still be alive. “I was so terribly tired but could see through the smoke how Mollie stood there in her crib and cried and was terrified,” she said, per Bright Vibes. “Then I suddenly got such an enormous force and managed to get to my feet and lift her up.”

All six children got out without serious injury. Emma did not.

Emma Schols saved All Of Her 6 Kids From Their Burning Home, Running Room To Room, Floor To Floor. Even Tho She Was Bleeding And Losing Skin, Hair Burnt Like Coal, She Kept Going. Emma Got 93% Burn Injuries, Yet Still Survived. Super Mom, Indeed!
byu/Kronyzx inDamnthatsinteresting

By the time she collapsed outside, burns covered 93% of her body. Doctors put her on a ventilator, where she remained for three weeks, hovering between life and death. Medical staff noted that it is uncommon for people to survive even 90% burns. She endured more than 20 surgeries and months of rehabilitation. When she finally came out of unconsciousness, her first words were not about her own pain or her skin or the surgeries ahead. She asked: “Are my children alive?”

According to EuroWeekly News, when asked later why she kept going back in, she didn’t describe it as heroism. “If I gave birth to six children,” she told reporters, “I will get all six out.”

Recovery was long and uneven in ways that went beyond the physical. After six weeks in hospital, the children came to visit. Her youngest, Mollie, didn’t recognize her. “She did not want to come to me,” Emma said. “Which I can understand with all appliances and hoses. I looked completely different.” That moment, she has said, was one of the hardest parts of the entire ordeal.

In December 2020, Sweden honored her at the Svenska Hjältar Gala, a nationally televised awards ceremony, where she was named Lifesaver of the Year. Her eldest son William addressed the audience and moved the room to tears: “Sometimes I think I will never see Mum again. But now we see Mum almost every day and that makes me happy.”

Six years on, Emma is living back in Edsbyn in a rebuilt home with her family. She has written a memoir about the fire and its aftermath, titled “I Carry My Scars with Pride” (published in Swedish in 2022 with journalist Frida Funemyr), and has taken up marathon running. She has spoken publicly about her recovery to help others who face severe trauma, and her message has stayed consistent throughout. “I feel an enormous gratitude for every day we get to be together as a family,” she told the Svenska Hjältar audience.

The scars are visible. So is everything else.

View this post on Instagram

This article originally appeared last year.

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A father braids his daughter's hair. – Photo credit: Canva

Dads, Family

9 dads took a ‘cute’ hair braiding class. They left with stronger connections to their daughters.

Doing your daughter’s hair is far more than just a to-do.

Evan Porter

3/3/2026

About a decade ago, the first classes for dads who wanted to learn to braid their daughters’ hair began to pop up in the mainstream. Traditionally, in many households, moms have been the default hair-doers. After all, they’re the experts with a lifetime of experience styling and braiding their own hair or practicing on their friends.

But this setup was problematic for a few reasons. For starters, as the modern generation of dads began wanting to get more hands-on with childcare responsibilities, many of them found they were hopelessly lost when it came to the morning hair routine. Classes began to pop up all over the country offering practical training for dads who wanted to learn the basic rope braid or French braid.

Over the years, these courses have only grown more popular. Now, the movement is about so much more than the physical task of styling hair, or even rebelling against old-fashioned, restrictive ideas of masculinity.

One group of dads recently experienced this firsthand after attending a “Pints and Ponytails” event.

More and more dads have been learning to braid hair over the last decade or so. Photo credit: Canva

Mathew Carter and Lawrence Price, who run the popular podcast Secret Life of Dads, set up the event with instructors from Braid Maidens. They filled out the guest list with their network of fellow dads and supplied beers and mannequins for all.

The guys had a terrific time. They quickly mastered the practical skills they needed to dive headfirst into the morning and nighttime routines with their daughters. In an Instagram post sharing the experience, Carter and Price wrote that in the course of just a few hours they went from “barely being able to do a ponytail to [perfecting] the Elsa by the end of the class.”

Elsa, of Frozen fame, is legendary for her signature Dutch braid that many little girls want to emulate.

View this post on Instagram

After the dads went home and began implementing their newfound skills, they realized that the event was so much more than a “cute” dismissal of old-fashioned masculinity.

For starters, dads getting involved in doing girls’ hair takes an enormous load off mom’s shoulders. In households with multiple girls, a mom can spend hours getting everyone’s hair just so. Often, kids demand specific styles, but moms also know that sending their girls off to school with messy bedhead will (unfairly) reflect poorly on them socially. There’s a lot of pressure tied to this daily task. Having a tag-team partner to pitch in is incredibly valuable.

One attendee wrote that it was “wonderful to meet so many fellow girl dads who wanted to share more of the unpaid emotional labour at home.”

Even more importantly, the dads say that after the event, doing their daughters’ hair revealed incredible moments they never even knew they were missing out on.

“What’s going on in that room is something much deeper,” Carter and Price wrote in a follow-up post over footage of the men practicing on mannequins. “Learning to braid my daughter’s hair changed what is often seen as just a task … into a moment of connection. That’s when she gets to tell me about her day. That’s when she shares with me things that are happening in her life. And it’s a time that happens at the beginning of each day that I just get to be with her and listen and ask questions and connect. And that has opened the aperture of love between me and my daughter.”

View this post on Instagram

Even modern, hands-on, engaged, and well-meaning fathers sometimes have difficulty connecting with their daughters as they get older.

There are many reasons for this phenomenon. It’s well-studied and was recently documented in The Atlantic article, “The Father-Daughter Divide.”

Meanwhile, Kimberley Benton of Oak City Psychology wrote, “Many men have difficulty connecting with their children on an emotional level because their dads didn’t know how. It’s no ones fault, we just aren’t very good at teaching men about connecting with others.”

Providing, supporting, and being physically present in our kids’ lives is only part of the equation. Being emotionally present requires carving out quiet one-on-one time where discussion can flow freely and honestly. Kids need to feel they have the time and space to open up—something that only gets more difficult for them as they become teenagers.

Many dads never realize that those crucial minutes spent sitting together and styling hair are the perfect opportunity to connect. If you can get good enough to make your daughter look just like Elsa, that’s gravy.

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A mother with her teenage daughter. – Photo credit: Canva

Family, Moms

Mom braced herself for daughter’s teenage years, but wasn’t ready for these 5 beautiful moments

“It’s not perfect.”

Evan Porter

3/1/2026

Many parents are taught or conditioned to fear their children’s teenage years. It’s the season of life when your sweet angel turns into a moody rebel with an attitude problem, or so say the parents who came before us and lived to tell the tale.

Mom Jacqueline Skirvin was no different. For years, she had taken pride in having a close, loving, healthy relationship with her daughter, Preslea. But other parents in her orbit kept warning her that would all change. “Just wait,” they would say.

In a recent Instagram post, Skirvin shared the hard-fought results of all that waiting. She revealed five things that truly surprised her when those teenage years finally came:

“I waited for attitude. Instead, I get car rides where she tells me everything.”

“I waited for walls. Instead, I get to know her best friend’s life almost as well as I know hers.”

“I waited for distance. Instead, I’m the first person she facetimes when something really good happens.”

“I waited for rebellion. Instead, I get to watch her fall too hard, too fast… and hold her when it doesn’t last.”

“I waited for drama. Instead, I became the call when the group chat turns mean and she needs to feel safe.”

“It’s not perfect,” Skirvin admits in the caption of her post, but those bright slivers of connection let her know she still has a good relationship with her daughter through all the ups and downs.

View this post on Instagram

The post struck a huge chord with fellow parents of teenagers

Some found hope in Skirvin’s optimistic message, while others lamented that they hadn’t been so lucky in their own families. In the end, the discussion was full of terrific advice.

Several commenters were thrilled to help bust the myth that parenting a teenager inherently has to be a nightmare:

“My DREAM. My daughter is so cool I can’t wait to know her at every stage of her life.”

“Teenagers aren’t hard to love at all, if you give them the foundations they need to fly. They’re actually very cool people”

Others were convinced that dreading teenagehood has become a self-fulfilling prophecy:

“We need MOREEEE of this energy for us girl moms!!! I have two daughters who are toddlers right now, and I am constantly told how horrible they will be as teenagers. It’s makes me so sad.”

Some cautioned that, yes, being the parent of a teenager can be beautiful, but we shouldn’t gloss over the hard parts:

“My eldest is 15 and youngest 13. I [get] this too BUT im also the one who gets the sharp edge of her tongue initially when shes overwhelmed and cant manage her emotions, I get the look before I get the hugs and details… I get both sides whilst she figures out her head and her heart. on balance im honoured to be trusted with both sides, the good, the bad and the ugly as I am the safety net where love without boundaries exist”

Raising a teenager has its ups and downs. Photo credit: Canva

To the parents in the comments struggling through a difficult relationship with their teens, the overwhelming response was, poetically, “Just wait.”

“She will come around. She will have to grow up first but in time. It is so hard.”

“I’m 32 and a mom of 2 and I have never been closer to my Mom. There is still time”

Experts admit that living with teenagers can be a humongous challenge

But they say a few things that can help are drawing strong boundaries about how you’ll be treated (not tolerating disrespect, insults, etc.) and giving your child plenty of space to work through their complex emotional responses and develop their own identity, which often involves at least a small amount of healthy rebellion.

The key to Skirvin’s story is not that she forced connection and closeness with her teenage daughter, but rather that she stayed present enough to capture those opportunities when they presented themselves at unexpected times. For Skirvin, “waiting” for the teenage years to come was extremely good practice that served her well for the challenge ahead.

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An older woman holding a suitcase. – Photo credit: via Canva/Photos

Family, Parenting

Boomer grandma challenges family norms by asking why she has to do the traveling for visits

“Should grandmas be the ones on the road, or should families pick everything up and drive to her?”

Tod Perry

Upworthy Staff

3/1/2026

When the holidays roll around, it’s time for families to decide where they will meet to celebrate. For the most part, parents with younger kids dread packing their bags and traveling to a family member’s house where things aren’t set up for young children. You fumble around setting up the pack ‘n plays, can’t find your bottle brush, and freak out because the electrical sockets aren’t child-proof.

However, many grandparents aren’t keen on enduring the mental and physical strain of traveling at an older age. So, who’s right? Grandma Jan, founder of Grandma Camp and a TikTok influencer who shares fun ideas for grandparents and grandkids, argued that parents should pack up their kids and visit Grandma.

@grandmacampplanner
Is it Grandma’s job to travel to the kids, or should the family come to her? 👀 Let’s hear it—#GrandmaCamp #FamilyDebate #momsoftiktok #GrandmaLife #HolidayTravel
♬ original sound – GrandmaCamp™ 💜by Grandma Jan™

“Okay, so, here’s the debate: families say, ‘Grandma, why don’t you come visit us?’ But let’s be honest, Grandma’s house is where the traditions are, the cookies are, and all of the toys are,” Grandma Jan begins. “But if grandma is driving, flying, hauling all the gifts, and packing up her car to come see you, maybe it’s time to flip the script. When did it become normal for Grandma to pack up all her stuff and come see you? Should the kids pile into the car, bring all their toys, and just go visit grandma? Bring all that love and chaos to her?”

So she asked her followers: “Should grandmas be the one on the road or should families pick everything up and drive to her?” Just about everyone in the comments said that grandparents should have to travel to see their grandchildren.

“Nope. I want Christmas morning in pajamas with my family. I want my traditions. My parents and in-laws (the grandparents) got all of this how they wanted. It’s my turn now,” Maggie wrote. “Gramma is retired and now has a shit ton of time. Kids and parents have a very finite amount of time off in the holidays that they do not want to spend on the road,” Mrs. Wright added.

Some grandparents also checked in to disagree with Grandma Jan. “Why would I put that on my kids and grandkids? It’s so hard traveling with kids, not to mention expensive to fly for more than one person,” Populustultus wrote. “What a weird way to think about that. Why wouldn’t you help your kids create magic in their home? Signed a grandma,” LifestylebyKat added.

@grandmacampplanner
Disclaimer: My last post was meant to spark conversation, not advice. It came from what I witnessed as an OT — older grandmas struggling to travel alone. Every family is different ❤️ #GrandmaCampByGrandmaJan #FamilyDecisions #GrandmaLife #OTperspective #momsoftiktok
♬ original sound – GrandmaCamp™ 💜by Grandma Jan™

The response inspired Grandma Jan to release a follow-up video clarifying her opinion. She admits she came up with the idea after seeing older people having a hard time getting through the airport. “[I saw] older grandparents struggling their way through airports carrying their own heavy bags while managing a walker or a plane or a wheelchair, struggling through all on their own with no one to assist,” Grandma Jan said. “And as an occupational therapist, that actually broke my heart. For younger, healthier grandparents, travel can be fun, but for the older generation, it can be quite a struggle.”

Ultimately, Grandma Jan didn’t intend to put anyone out; she just wanted to have a conversation about what’s best for families as a whole. “And Grandma Camp by Grandma Jan is about having those conversations, not making rules. And at the end of the day, it’s about connection, not distance,” she concluded her video.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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