The totally slimy, completely dishonest way some companies are getting rich in 2015.
It even makes the hosts of "Shark Tank" nervous.
Back in the good old days, there was basically only one way to get rich.
You invented something. And then you sold it for money.
"Invent something" is pretty loosely defined here. Image by Hempdiddy.
But guess what, kiddos? There's a brand new way of cashing in that's taking America by storm. And the best part is, you don't even have to, like, invent anything.
Just apply for some super-vague patents!
Patents are basically copyrights on ideas. You can also get them for things you can hold in your hand, but patents on things you can actually hold in your hand is so 20th century!
Now, for this to work, you have to make sure your patents are super-broad and vague so that they encompass pretty much anything you can think of.
Did you do it? Nope. Vaguer. Vaguer. OK, good.
Now sue the pants off the people who actually invent things that could potentially kinda sorta be covered by your super-vague patents but are too poor and/or skittish to fight you in court!
It's called "patent trolling."
You may have heard John Oliver talk about it on his show.
While Oliver makes some fantastic points about how ordinary people and small businesses get railroaded by companies that make their living suing people for patent infringement, he leaves one big thing out.
Threatening innovators with huge lawsuits and hoping they settle out of fear isn't just one of the shadiest ways of doing business imaginable.
It's also a huge roadblock to technological and economic progress.
Remember how in 1875, we didn't have cars? Or planes? Or mass-produced electric lightbulbs? And then, within 30 years, we had all those things?
Also zeppelins. How could I forget zeppelins? Photo by U.S. Navy Naval History and Heritage Command.
That was because people thought, "Hey! Why don't I invent this really cool thing that doesn't exist already so that I can make a ton of money."
But now, all the people who would otherwise be inventing all the cool stuff are saying to themselves, "Hey! Why don't I not invent anything because if I do, I'm just going to get sued by someone who claims to hold the patent on it already."
Don't take it from me. Take it from this super-dense paragraph about how, despite a booming market and high demand, companies have stopped developing software for storing medical images.
"Why, precisely when the market for their product had just taken off, would companies stop innovating? An explanation comes from Catherine Tucker, an economist at MIT who has studied the medical IT sector. In an unpublished study, she shows that the slowdown in R&D occurred as a result of litigation by a company whose primary reason for existing is to acquire the rights to others' inventions and file patent claims against producers of related products — a patent troll. Tucker's study is, to date, one of the best pieces of quantitative evidence of the broken state of America's patent system, a critical concern not just for improving health care but for encouraging the innovation that's needed to ensure future economic prosperity." — Ray Fisman, Slate, April 9, 2012
Or this one, about how companies named in a patent infringement lawsuit are more likely to limit research and development spending.
"Researchers from Harvard and the University of Texas recently examined R&D spending of publicly listed firms that had been sued by patent trolls. They compared firms where the suit was dismissed, representing a clear win for the defendant, to those where the suit was settled or went to final adjudication (typically much more costly). As in the previous paper, this comparison helped them isolate the effect of lawsuits from other factors. They found that when lawsuits were not dismissed, firms reduced their R&D spending by $211 million and reduced their patenting significantly in subsequent years. The reduction in R&D spending represents a 48% decline." — James Bessen, Harvard Business Review, Nov. 2014
There's a bill currently kicking around Congress that seeks to limit this. And shockingly, it has support from both Republicans and Democrats.
Honestly, we're too bored to fight over this one. Image by Chuck Kennedy.
But delays have stacked up and opposition has grown, due in large part to pressure from lobbyists for trial lawyers.
If this whole terrible thing gets you steamed up and you'd like to translate your anger into productivity instead of deep self-loathing at your own powerlessness, what are you waiting for? You have a senator!
Call that guy or lady right now and tell them to vote for this thing.
I would link their number for you, but only you know where you live. So go Google it!



A Generation Jones teenager poses in her room.Image via Wikmedia Commons
An office kitchen.via
An angry man eating spaghetti.via 



An Irish woman went to the doctor for a routine eye exam. She left with bright neon green eyes.
It's not easy seeing green.
Did she get superpowers?
Going to the eye doctor can be a hassle and a pain. It's not just the routine issues and inconveniences that come along when making a doctor appointment, but sometimes the various devices being used to check your eyes' health feel invasive and uncomfortable. But at least at the end of the appointment, most of us don't look like we're turning into The Incredible Hulk. That wasn't the case for one Irish woman.
Photographer Margerita B. Wargola was just going in for a routine eye exam at the hospital but ended up leaving with her eyes a shocking, bright neon green.
At the doctor's office, the nurse practitioner was prepping Wargola for a test with a machine that Wargola had experienced before. Before the test started, Wargola presumed the nurse had dropped some saline into her eyes, as they were feeling dry. After she blinked, everything went yellow.
Wargola and the nurse initially panicked. Neither knew what was going on as Wargola suddenly had yellow vision and radioactive-looking green eyes. After the initial shock, both realized the issue: the nurse forgot to ask Wargola to remove her contact lenses before putting contrast drops in her eyes for the exam. Wargola and the nurse quickly removed the lenses from her eyes and washed them thoroughly with saline. Fortunately, Wargola's eyes were unharmed. Unfortunately, her contacts were permanently stained and she didn't bring a spare pair.
- YouTube youtube.com
Since she has poor vision, Wargola was forced to drive herself home after the eye exam wearing the neon-green contact lenses that make her look like a member of the Green Lantern Corps. She couldn't help but laugh at her predicament and recorded a video explaining it all on social media. Since then, her video has sparked a couple Reddit threads and collected a bunch of comments on Instagram:
“But the REAL question is: do you now have X-Ray vision?”
“You can just say you're a superhero.”
“I would make a few stops on the way home just to freak some people out!”
“I would have lived it up! Grab a coffee, do grocery shopping, walk around a shopping center.”
“This one would pair well with that girl who ate something with turmeric with her invisalign on and walked around Paris smiling at people with seemingly BRIGHT YELLOW TEETH.”
“I would save those for fancy special occasions! WOW!”
“Every time I'd stop I'd turn slowly and stare at the person in the car next to me.”
“Keep them. Tell people what to do. They’ll do your bidding.”
In a follow-up Instagram video, Wargola showed her followers that she was safe at home with normal eyes, showing that the damaged contact lenses were so stained that they turned the saline solution in her contacts case into a bright Gatorade yellow. She wasn't mad at the nurse and, in fact, plans on keeping the lenses to wear on St. Patrick's Day or some other special occasion.
While no harm was done and a good laugh was had, it's still best for doctors, nurses, and patients alike to double-check and ask or tell if contact lenses are being worn before each eye test. If not, there might be more than ultra-green eyes to worry about.