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The next time someone blames mass shootings on mental illness, send them this.

As thousands across the nation prepare to take to the streets on March 24, 2018, for The March for Our Lives, we're taking a look at some of the root causes, long-lasting effects, and approaches to solving the gun violence epidemic in America. We'll have a new installment every day this week.

In the winter of 2012, an undergraduate student who'd just taken my abnormal psychology course sent me an email.

The note was short, containing a link to an article about Adam Lanza (the Sandy Hook shooter) and two questions: Did mental illness drive him to do what he did? And if so, did that mean that what I'd told her in class, that the mentally ill were no more dangerous than the rest of the population, wasn't true?

It's a question I've heard with alarming frequency since.

By now, it's like clockwork: A tragedy happens, thoughts and prayers are deployed, gun control is quickly shouted down ("No way to prevent this!" and "Now is not the time to speak about gun reform!"), and then top politicians — including the president — demand and vow to treat mental health as a top issue.

Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images.

It all seems so intuitive. Because committing murder with an assault weapon isn't something most people would do, mental illness must be the cause.

"So many signs that the Florida shooter was mentally disturbed, even expelled from school for bad and erratic behavior," President Donald Trump tweeted shortly after the Parkland shooting in February.

But Trump offered no criteria for the shooter's mental illness. Nor did he recognize that mental illness has never been one thing. And he ignored the painful reality that conflating mental illness with violence stigmatizes the millions of people worldwide who live with psychiatric disorders.

He wasn't the only one: In a Washington Post poll conducted right after Parkland, 57% of responders cited "problems identifying and treating people with mental health problems" as the driving force behind mass shootings. "Inadequate gun laws" received only 28% of the vote.

Whenever mental illness is brought up, we act as if the conversation were over. It shouldn't be.

As a country, we know very little about mental illness. In fact, a recent study out of Michigan State University found that under 50% of respondents could identify signs of anxiety, a condition experienced by fully 18% of American adults. And most people had no clue about how depression was treated.

This lack of knowledge keeps us scared. It turns every psychiatric condition into a boogeyman that's lurking around the corner. And it makes those of us who live with mental illness hesitant to talk about our conditions openly to provide more knowledge.

That's right: us. I don't just teach and write about psychology; I've lived with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager.

And while I agree that mental health reform needs to take place, it's not because people who live with the conditions I do — or a multitude of other conditions — are more dangerous to others. It's because the system makes it so hard for so many to get help.

It's because so many people (up to 47%, according to a 2013 survey) would feel uncomfortable living close to someone with a "serious" mental illness. Most of them don't even know what a "serious" mental illness is.

The truth is that gun violence isn't a result of mental illness. But mental illness is an easy scapegoat.

A sign outside Marjory Stoneman Douglas high school in Parkland, Florida. Photo by Rhona Wise/AFP/Getty Images.

As the Kaiser Family Foundation noted in 2013, it is impossible to know what kind of backlash mass shootings like the one that occurred at Sandy Hook (and the ones that have since happened in Las Vegas, Orlando, and Parkland) create against innocent people.

The mentally ill are no more dangerous than the rest of the population.

I get it. There's got to be a reason why bad people do awful things. We need something to grab onto in the wake of a tragedy. That's why one of the first places our brains go is mental illness.  

The results of a 2006 survey indicated that 60% of Americans believed that those living with schizophrenia were more likely to commit violence. A worrying 32% thought the same of those living with depression. It's why the news was so quick to seize upon the fact that Las Vegas shooter Stephen Paddock had been prescribed anti-anxiety medication, even though there's no evidence that it made any contribution to his crimes.

The reality is much more complex. While it's possible that those living with schizophrenia or bipolar disorder may be slightly more likely to engage in violent behavior (not necessarily with firearms), getting rid of these disorders would prevent a tiny slice of violence at best.

Dr. Jeffrey Swanson, a psychiatrist, professor, and researcher who studies the connection between mental illness and violence, told ProPublica that curing mental illness would only stem violence by 4%. "Most violence in society is caused by other things," he said.

A 2001 study of adolescent mass murderers found that only 1 in 4 had any sort of psychiatric history. That's a worrying number to be sure, but it was far outmatched by their seemingly "well" counterparts. And Michael Stone, a forensic psychiatrist who maintains a database of mass shooters through the years has found that out of 350 mass killers, 65% had no history of severe mental illness.

His conclusion? That it's not the mental illness that's the problem. It's how much access the individual has to guns.

"In my large file of mass murders, if you look decade by decade, the numbers of victims are fairly small up until the 1960s," Stone told The New York Times in 2017.  "That's when the deaths start going way up. When the AK-47s and the Kalashnikovs and the Uzis — all these semiautomatic weapons, when they became so easily accessible."

A 2015 article published by The American Psychiatric Association found that "mass shootings by people with serious mental illness represent less than 1% of all yearly gun-related homicides." The authors concluded that mass shooters were "unlikely to have psychiatric histories" and that focusing only on the mentally ill when considering gun control would be ineffective, considering the small size of the group.

And a 2003 paper published in World Psychiatry notes that "mental disorders are neither necessary nor sufficient causes of violence. Major determinants of violence continue to be socio-demographic and economic factors."

It's a cold and inconvenient truth: Gun restrictions placed only on the mentally ill wouldn't change gun violence as we know it. They may not even make a dent.

As the #NeverAgain movement has reminded us over and over: Gun reform on a large scale is the only way we'll transform the problem.

Of course, more research would be great too. But a 1996 spending amendment prevents the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention from using federal funds to conduct studies that would "advocate or promote gun control."

A student participates in the 17-minute walkout on March 14th. Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images.

There are many more people living with mental illness than you'd probably guess.

Think about how many people you know. Now consider how many of those people may be struggling with their mental health in some way.

You're probably greatly underestimating that number. That's not just because there is a wide range of psychiatric disorders; it's because you can't tell who is mentally ill just by looking at them (that's just one of many myths) and because of the stigma those who live with these disorders face.

A 2003 survey conducted in England found that 60% of people believed only 10% of the population would be affected by mental health problems in their lifetime. But that's simply not true. Depression, for instance, is now reported to be "the leading cause of disability worldwide" by the World Health Organization. It affects more than 300 million people on Earth. And the National Alliance on Mental Illness reports that 18.5 million adults (that's 1 in 5) experience a mental disorder in any given year.

Do those numbers tell you something? They should.

Considering the disparity between the number of people who live with mental illness and the number of people who commit mass shootings, there's no way that we can blame the majority of gun violence — or any violence — on this group of people.

Those who are mentally ill are actually more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators. They're also more likely to hurt themselves. As Bright Magazine notes, "mental illness plays a role in two-thirds of American gun deaths."

But those deaths aren't a result of mass shootings or homicide. They're the result of people with mental illnesses dying by suicide.

And that's why mental illness can't be the scapegoat.

If we're ever going to overhaul the mental health system, the first thing we need to do is create a climate where talking about mental illness isn't stigmatizing. Trump was proof that such an environment doesn't exist when he referred to the mentally ill as "sickos" while demanding we put more guns in schools:

It's in our nature to try to remove uncertainty. That's just the way humans work. And it's especially true when we consider gun violence. In the wake of a mass tragedy, we need some reasoning to grasp onto. Something that can point to a cause.

But just as "mental illness" is too broad a label to put on the myriad conditions and syndromes of its sufferers, correlating mass shootings to it only serves to other the millions that live with mental illness daily, making them feel (and be treated as) less-than. It's an incorrect conclusion drawn by oversimplification.

Here's how I try to talk about mental illness in my lectures: There's an insurance commercial I love (but can no longer find — that's how it always seems to go, right?). In it, a good driver is celebrated by color commentators, who gleefully yell about the driver using signals and turning correctly.

The idea is that we often don't reward people for their good behavior, that we only focus on the bad. It gives me a good feeling.

I mention this commercial because focusing on the bad is exactly what we do when we discuss mental illness. Where are the news stories that celebrate the ordinary people who are doing their best while living with anxiety and depression? The people who have stable lives because they're treating their schizophrenia? Because they see a therapist? Considering the numbers, they absolutely exist.

But the only time we discuss mental health as a nation is in the wake of these tragedies, when baseless accusations trump facts. When it's easy to point fingers.

And when "mental health reform" is used as a convenient way to sidestep the role that assault weapons play in mass shootings, we all suffer.

All of us deserve better than that.

For more of our look at America's gun violence epidemic, check out other stories in this series:

And see our coverage of to-the-heart speeches and outstanding protest signs from the March for Our Lives on March 24, 2018.

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Pop Culture

Mom leaves a 'heartbreaking' gift to flight passengers sitting next to her baby

"That's a mom trying so hard."

@callmebelly/TikTok

An excellent reminder to show kindness and patience.

Listening to a baby cry during a flight might be aggravating, but it’s nothing compared to the moans, groans, and eyerolls that the baby's parents must endure from other passengers when it happens. No matter what tips and tricks are used to try to soothe a little one’s temperament while 30,000 miles in the air, crying is almost inevitable. So, while having to ease their own child’s anxiety, moms and dads also must suffer being the pariah of the trip. What a nightmare.

Recently, one mom was apparently trying so hard to avoid upsetting her fellow flight members that she went above and beyond to essentially apologize ahead of time if her baby began to cry on its first flight. It was a gesture that, while thoughtful, had folks really feeling for how stressed that poor mom must be.

In a clip posted to his TikTok, one of the passengers—Elliot—explained that the mom handed out small care packages to those nearby.

“She’s already so busy and took the time to make these bags for everyone,” Elliot said, before panning the camera to reveal a Ziplock bag full of candy, along with a note that made him “want to cry.”

The note read: “It’s my first flight. I made a deal to be on my best behaviour—but I can’t make any guarantees. I might cry if I get scared or if my ears start to hurt. Here are some treats to make your flight enjoyable. Thank you for being patient with us. Have a great flight.”

@callmebelly♬ BIRDS OF A FEATHER - Billie Eilish

Like Elliot, those who watched the video felt some ambivalence at the well intentioned act. Many felt remorse that she would feel the need to appease people in this way.

“This is so sweet but also … kind of breaks my heart that we live in a world in which parents feel the need to do that.”

“Because jerk people have shamed parents into believing that they need to apologize for their kids' absolutely normal behavior. What a gem of a mom.”

“You know that sweet mom worried about this trip so much.”

“That poor mom probably spent nights awake … nervous about that flight, thinking of ways to keep strangers happy.”

"That's a mom trying so hard."

Many rallied behind the mom, arguing that making others feel more comfortable with her child being on board was in no way her responsibility.

“No mom should be apologizing. Adults can control their emotions … babies not …. Hugging this mom from a distance.”

“Dear new parents: no you don’t have to do this. Your babies have the right to exist. We all know babies cry. We know you try your best.”

Luckily, there are just as many stories of fellow passengers being completely compassionate towards parents with small children—from simply choosing to throw on their headphones during a tantrum (instead of throwing one themselves) to going out of their way to comfort a baby (and taking the load of a parent in the process). These little acts of kindness make more of an impact than we probably realize. Perhaps if we incorporated more of this “it takes a village” mindset, flying could be a little bit more pleasant for everyone involved.

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Animals & Wildlife

London Zoo shows off miraculous baby pictures from 6 endangered species

They called the 'baby boom' a huge win in the fight against extinction.

London Zoo

Golden lion tamarin primates

Yes, we’re entering the age of the baby boom. No, not our beloved home-owning generation that remembers listening to music on vinyl records and watching the first episode of “Saturday Night Live” ever aired. No, this time, there’s a new baby boom at the London Zoo. It’s a heartwarming moment for the world’s oldest scientific zoo (which opened in 1828) because six tiny, pint-sized additions were recently born there.


Sign of London Zoo's entranceLondon Zoo! Photo credit: Canva


If you visit the London Zoo, you’ll see that many animals are part of its conservation breeding programs. This means that they participate in a unique initiative to save their species, hoping to return them to the wild someday. And there’s more good news: London Zoo conservationists have already successfully bred and reintroduced various species back into the wild, such as the Partula Snail, Northern Bald Ibis, Fen Raft Spider, and many others.

So, while very cute, the zoo’s latest additions also play an essential part in each species’ survival and the zoo’s overall conservation efforts. Many of the newly born species are at high risk of extinction because they can no longer survive in their natural habitats due to deforestation, habitat loss, and climate change. Thus, their captive breeding becomes a vital “safety net.” For example, Darwin’s Frogs, one of the many endangered species at the London Zoo, are safe in their Regent’s Park digs from chytrid fungus. This deadly fungal disease is responsible for decimating amphibian populations worldwide.

These births also provide a safe opportunity to study animal behavior, reproduction, and health in controlled environments—insights that can be applied to conservation strategies worldwide.

But what are these elusive endangered species? And are they really that cute? Let’s dive in.


Two twin Golden lion tamarin primates

Say hello to London Zoo’s newest Golden Lion Tamarin twins, Pomelo (male) and Clementine (female). Born last spring, they joined their older brother, Kumquat, with all three primates named after citrus fruits, an ode to their distinct, vibrantly orange fur.) Golden lion tamarins, or Leontopithecus rosalia, are native to Brazil but, unfortunately, face severe survival threats due to habitat loss and the illegal pet trade. In the 1970s, it’s estimated that their wild population dropped to as few as a record-dropping 200, but has since improved.


Rainforest image from London ZooThe rainforest habitat that Clementine and Pomelo reside inPhoto credit: Canva


Both parents love and care for Clementine and Pomelo, who are safe at their home at the London Zoo. As is typical for the species, their father, Fabio, takes care of the little ones most of the time and periodically passes them to their mother for feeding, one at a time.


Fia, the White-faced saki monkey

Alongside the tamarins, a ten-month-old white-faced named Fia has also joined the rainforest habitat.

Fia joins her mother, Kaituma, her father, Milagre, and her older sister, Maya. In 2023, the small family moved to the London Zoo from Whipsnade Zoo in Bedfordshire, England.


Fia, wrapped up in her mother's warmthFia, wrapped up in her mother's warmthLondon Zoo


Fia and her family live in the zoo’s “Rainforest Life,” a high-profile exhibit that educates visitors about rainforest ecosystems and the importance of preserving biodiversity. White-faced sakis, or pithecia pithecia, are found in the rainforests of northern South America, including Brazil, Guyana, and Venezuela. They live almost completely in the trees and almost never come down. They are named for the male’s appearance, which is black, except for the head, which is white or reddish. Females, meanwhile, are primarily brown or brown-gray.


Two Asian short-clawed otter pups

Then, there are the two Asian short-clawed otter pups. Born in January, they are too young to be named, and their genders have yet to be determined. Their mother, Midge (who joined London Zoo from Newquay Zoo in 2024), has been dutifully nursing the pups in their nesting area alongside their father, Siyam.

Also known as Aonyx cinereus, Asian short-clawed otters (or Asian small-clawed otters) are the world’s smallest otters, ranging from just 4 to 11 pounds. Its short dark brown hair is relatively short, and the whiskers it sports help detect changes in water current and pressure.

This shallow-water otter lives in freshwater wetlands, mangrove swamps, and fast-flowing, rocky streams throughout southern India, southern China, and parts of Southeast Asia. However, human development and pollution are destroying the wetlands where they live.


Alaotran gentle lemur

Last is London Zoo’s two-month-old Alaotran gentle lemur, who was born to parents Hazo and Rocky. Unnamed so far, the baby lemur has already begun to explore its outdoor environment, nibbling leafy greens alongside its mother and jimping around.



With fewer than 5,000 lemurs remaining, the Alaotran gentle lemur, or Hapalemur alaotrensis, is considered critically endangered. This species is endemic to the papyrus marshes surrounding Madagascar’s largest lake, Lake Alaotra, and is the only primate that lives exclusively in wetland environments. Their marshes face severe threats from habitat destruction due to illegal burning for rice farming and invasive species in Madagascar.

These six births extend far beyond a high-profile attraction for the London Zoo: they are significant steps in safeguarding species on the brink of extinction while teaching the public more about the importance of habitat preservation and biodiversity conservation.

Plus, they’re pretty darn cute, aren’t they?


Excited Anna Kendrick GIFGiphy

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Culture

High school salutatorian's Goth yearbook photo is going viral for the best reasons

Smart look.

via Jules Lipoff / Twitter

Back in April 2021, then-17-year-old Weronika Jachimowiczv got a lot of attention for subverting people's expectations of who excels in high school. And that's exactly what she wanted. Jachimowicz was named New York's Mattituck-Cutchogue Union Free School District's 2021 salutatorian. Her yearbook photo next to valedictorian Luke Altman is going viral because of her dramatic Goth makeup and attire.

It all started when assistant professor and writer Dr. Jules Lipoff tweeted out a photo of the valedictorian and salutatorian he saw in a newspaper and it went viral. How many salutatorians have you seen that wear pentagram hoop earrings, a choker, and black devil horns? The juxtaposition of her next to the bowtie-wearing Altman, makes the photo even more amusing.

Jachimowicz wanted the world to know that just because a high school kid looks like an outsider, doesn't mean they aren't interested in academics or sports.

In fact, it's completely normal for kids who are interested in the Goth subculture to be good students.

"The scene has quiet middle-class values — education, highbrow culture, theatre, museums, romantic literature, poetry, philosophy, Gothic architecture," Dr. Dunja Bril, who studies Goth culture in England, told The Independent.

"Many Goths like classical music. It's a status symbol to have a good collection of classical pieces — mostly requiems and darker pieces," she added.

"Going to do a university degree is encouraged," Bril continued. "It doesn't encourage people to drop out of school. Whereas in the Punk scene you turn down the normal educational values, in Goth you gain status if you're perceived as being educated. You get people who are in it for the shock value, but they are usually the ones who grow out of it."


Since her photo went viral, Jachimowicz has received countless messages of thanks from young people who say she's inspired them to express themselves.

"In all honesty, that's all I wanted. I wanted to help anyone I could who is struggling with expressing themselves because I've been in the exact same position," Jachimowicz told Yahoo. "When people message me telling me how I have given them the confidence to be who they truly are, I almost cry from happiness."

Jachimowicz says that she was able to be herself because she was encouraged by others, so this is her chance to pay it forward.

"I was always trying to please others and be like what everyone else wanted me to be, or at least try to fit into what was 'normal.' However, I did slowly start to realize that it's OK to be different," she said.

"I've met people in my life who gave me the confidence to fully be myself," she added.

In addition to having an unweighted GPA of 97.27%, Jachimowicz was on the fencing, ping pong, and winter track teams. She was also a member of the National Honor Society, Students Against Drunk Driving, and the Unity Club.

She plans to major in biology/forensics in college.

Jachimowicz's accomplishments are another reason to never judge someone for how they look or their interests. Just because someone is wearing satanic earrings doesn't mean they aren't highly intelligent or athletic.

She believes the most important thing is to be yourself, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

"Even if others don't really like my style, it's what makes me happy and I've worked hard to finally come to that conclusion," she said.


This article originally appeared four years ago.

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Education

5 lessons we can take away from the Delta flight that crashed upside down on the runway

1) Always obey seat belt instructions.

Photo credit: YYZBrennan

A Delta flight from Minneapolis flipped over and caught fire upon landing in Toronto.

Flying has often been touted as one of the safest modes of transportation, but after a rash of aviation accidents in February of 2025, people are starting to have questions. What the heck is happening in the friendly skies? Why is there a sudden uptick in plane crashes? Is flying still safe?

One of the weirdest aviation incidents we've seen is the Delta flight that flipped upside down upon landing in Toronto on February 17, knocking off a wing and catching fire as it skidded to a stop on the tarmac. The 76 passengers on the commuter plane found themselves hanging upside down in the cabin as flight attendants raced to get everyone out of the plan quickly and safely. Miraculously, no one was killed, and though 21 injured passengers were initially transported to the hospital, 19 have been released as of February 19.

The thought of having your airplane do a 180-degree roll on the runway and having to exit a burning aircraft from a bat-like position is sheer nightmare fuel, but there are some important lessons we can all learn from how this incident played out.

1. Always obey seat belt instructions—"low and tight across your lap"

If you fly with any regularity at all, chances are you zone out during the pre-takeoff safety instructions, but this accident definitely has us all at least thinking about our seat belt compliance. Imagine how easy it would be to slip out of the seat belt hanging upside down if it weren't buckled low and tight.

There's a reason the seat belt sign exists. If footage of extreme turbulence isn't enough to rattle you into always staying buckled when the light is on, this crash likely will.

2. Respect your flight attendants

Flight attendants sometimes have to deal with difficult or rude passengers, which is unfortunate, especially since those same passengers rely on flight attendants to do their jobs in an emergency to ensure their safety. Flight attendants don't get to freak out when a plane crashes—they have to tap right into their emergency evacuation training.

But in this case, there was no specific training for this specific scenario because who would imagine it ever happening? But those flight attendants were able to improvise and get the passengers on board out of their upside down positions, out the exits and onto the tarmac within seconds of the crash happening. This is a good reminder that even though flying is usually smooth and without incident, flight attendants are primarily there for our safety, not servers there at our beck and call.

3. Regulations in aircraft design help keep us safe

One of the reasons this crash went the way it did is because of the way the plane was designed and made. From the way the wing broke off without tearing apart the fuselage (the body of the plane) to the way the seats remained in tact and firmly planted despite being upside down with people in them, the aviation engineers behind the building of this aircraft—as well as the regulations in place that require more safety features—deserve some kudos.

“Everything that could go wrong went wrong, yet 80 people survived the accident,” said David Soucie, a CNN safety analyst and former FAA safety inspector who credited better plane design, improved safety and stronger, more secure seats for the survival rate.

"Even the design of the seat back or the tray table is all part of how we consider making that survivable space," Graham Braithwaite, professor of safety and accident investigation at the UK's Cranfield University, told the BBC. "And the seatbelt that people have is so important - that is the ultimate thing that stops people being thrown around the cabin like this."

4. People are pretty awesome, actually

Reports from people who were on the flight indicate that the passengers helped one another out and were generally awesome in an incredibly harrowing situation.

One man shared that he and the woman sitting next to him, who hadn't spoken to each other the entire flight, gave one another a long hug after getting out of their seats. "It was nice to see people working together, as in like no one held anyone back from getting off the plane or getting out of their seat, or whatever," he said. "No one was like, 'I need to be first!'"

Working together with the crew to evacuate smoothly may have saved lives, as he reported there was an explosion a few minutes after everyone got off the plane. Phew.

"The most powerful part of today was, there was just people. No countries, no nothing," another passenger said. "There was just people together helping each other." Beautiful.

5. Flying is still dramatically safer than driving

Even with the wave of plane incidents we've seen included, flying is still statistically safer than driving in a car. People are understandably nervous about flying right now, but that's the impact of mass media coverage. If we saw news stories and headlines about every car accident in the country every day, we'd be freaking out about driving cars, but we don't see those. Accidents happen in aviation, but usually only the major commercial plane incidents make national or international news.

If we look just as the numbers, January of 2025 was actually a record low month of airplane accidents nationwide. Not to downplay what's been happening in February, but we've really become accustomed to extreme safety when it comes to flying. The past 15 years have seen the lowest airplane fatalities than any other 15-year period ever, so we should probably wait to freak out too much over the seemingly anomalous accident rate of the past two weeks.

At least that's what I'm telling myself before I hop on my next flight.

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Parenting

Study reveals parents who 'gentle parent' may have higher stress levels than those who don't

An eye opening study shares why.

Photo credit: Canva

Gentle parenting may create more stress than traditional parenting

Gentle parenting continues to be the most talked about new way to parent children. It focuses on recognizing and validating the child's emotional response rather than a form of punishment. The idea is to honor the child's autonomy and respect as a new human in this world while teaching them emotional regulation to better help them navigate life. It's a beautiful theory in the abstract but in practice, the parenting technique isn't as easy as social media makes you believe it is.

Many parents are now reporting struggling with gentle parenting and a recent study gives a surprising answer as to why that might be. When a person is using gentle parenting, they also have to be in charge of regulating their own emotions since you can't help a child regulate theirs if you're not calm. This step can be a bit of a stumbling block for some parents, especially when a behavior continues to occur and frustration sets in.

Parents who use a more traditional parenting approach don't appear to have the same level of stress as those who use gentle parenting. Surprisingly, the stress difference isn't due to lack of boundaries which a lot of people associate with gentle parenting. The increased level of stress for those who gentle parent is actually because there's no definition for gentle parenting according to the study.

Fun Kids GIF by Bed Bath & BeyondGiphy

Essentially, gentle parenting isn't real. There's no group of parenting experts and psychologists that have sat around and laid out the parameters of gentle parenting. It's a term coined by author Sarah Ockwell-Smith though she doesn't take credit for the parenting style she wrote a book titled, "The Gentle Parenting Book: How to raise calmer, happier children from birth to seven." While the book is her version of a "how to guide," there's no real definition of what gentle parenting is or what it entails.

Many parents who claim to use gentle parenting don't associate the style of parenting to the author, it's a term that sort of went viral and caught on. This is leaving new parents struggling to know what gentle parenting is and if they're doing it correctly, adding to their stress.

Parenting Go Get It GIF by Back to the Future TrilogyGiphy

The study by Anne E. Pezalla and Alice J. Davidson observes, "Gentle parenting appears to be distinct from other established measures of parenting approaches in its emphasis on boundaries, yet the enactment of those boundaries is not uniform," before later adding, "a subset of gentle parents who were highly critical of themselves reported significantly lower levels of efficacy than the rest of the sample."

This doesn't mean everyone was dissatisfied with their journey into gentle parenting, on the contrary. Most participants were happy with chossing gentle parenting but the level of stress related to questioning if they were doing it right varied. It's the ones who were critical of their own parenting that seem to struggle the most.

Meaghan Rath Comedy GIF by Children Ruin EverythingGiphy

Pezalla and Davidson highlight, "What seems to be unique about the gentle parenting movement is that it has not been presented or advocated by scholars of human development; rather, it has largely been the product of social media. Considering that parents are increasingly stressed or burned out by their caregiving responsibilities it is imperative that evidence-based guidance is made available to those who are interested in gentle parenting."

There has been a movement away from gentle parenting for some on social media, which may in part be due to the murkiness around what gentle parenting is. But gentle parenting isn't the only way to parent that focuses on teaching emotional regulation and respecting the child's autonomy. Parenting styles have been around for generations and "traditional parenting" has sort of become a catch all for anything not called gentle parenting.

The more traditional parenting styles include authoritarian, authoritative and permissive. Authoritarian parenting tends to be high discipline with little regard for the child's feelings. Permissive parenting is focused on the child's happiness with very few or no boundaries. Authoritative parenting focuses more on warmth towards the child with reasonable boundaries and consequences.

It would seem that gentle parenting takes a page from Dr. John Gottman by using emotional coaching in the parenting approach while adding things from positive parenting and conscious parenting along with what they are seeing online portrayed as gentle parenting. Since there's no evidence-based information around gentle parenting, parents practicing it may continue to feel additional stress versus those who are using more evidenced based approaches like authoritative parenting.

No matter what parenting style you have, raising a child isn't easy so if one parenting style isn't working for you, there are plenty others out there.

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