Want to start an intriguing debate? Ask for people's thoughts on handwritten thank you notes
I belong to a private Facebook group filled with parents of teenagers and college-aged students, and due to the sheer number of people, it's not uncommon for differences of opinion to arise. Rarely, though, have I ever seen a debate as split as the one raised by a post about something seemingly benign: Handwritten thank-you notes.
A mom shared that she was requiring her graduating senior to write thank you cards—the old-fashioned variety, complete with handwritten note, envelope, and postage stamp—and that emailing, texting, or calling on the phone to say "thank you" were unacceptable alternatives. She said her son was writing the notes but didn't like it, and she blamed computers and having to type assignments all the time for his resistance.
Some parents will read that paragraph, nod along, and agree 100% with this mom.
Others say the method doesn't matter—it's the message that counts.
Within hours, more than a thousand comments poured in and the responses were sharply divided between the "Yes, written thank you notes only!" and "Oof, that's a really outdated notion." (Not that the idea of gratitude is outdated, but the idea that appreciation must be written by hand and sent in the mail.)
Some people chimed in to say that they don't give gifts with any expectation of thanks, but naturally, it's good to teach kids to express gratitude when someone gives a gift. The method, however, is up for debate.
There is something extra personal about seeing someone's handwriting and holding a tangible note in your hand, especially in an age where we don't get nearly as much mail as we used to. But is that just nostalgia from an era on its way out?
My late boss was a well-known architect who always sent hand-written thank you notes. It's one of the reasons I worked with him for over 30 years.— Belinda Presser (@Belinda Presser) 1624020712
As some people pointed out, kids today live in a different world, one where environmental consciousness comes as naturally as technological know-how. Isn't it a waste of paper to send a note in an envelope when you can say the exact same thing in an email or a text? Do email or text actually feel less personal to young people who do much of their communication electronically?
"Here, I murdered this tree for you to show my gratitude" \n\n~ thank you notes— Kristen Mae (@Kristen Mae) 1623975323
And isn't it just as personal to call someone on the phone and thank them with your voice as it is to send them a note with your handwriting? Some seem to think so.
Perhaps it's just a matter of tradition and strict etiquette standards? This is the way I was taught things were done, therefore that's is the way it is and it's wrong to do it a different way?
Again, some seem to think so.
\u201cI don\u2019t have time.\u201d \u201cI forgot\u201d\n\nYou don\u2019t have time to show appreciation towards the people who spent hundreds if not thousands to celebrate your day? You don\u2019t have overbearing in-laws to put to work?— Andre 3000 the Giant (@Andre 3000 the Giant) 1623955071
Don\u2019t invite people to your weddings, baby showers, or graduations if you can\u2019t thank them properly for showing up. But that\u2019s just me. I\u2019m old school.— Andre 3000 the Giant (@Andre 3000 the Giant) 1623955188
Some parents rightly pointed out that times change, and what previous generations did is not automatically better or more thoughtful than the way young people today might prefer to do things. As long as kids grow up knowing that it's appropriate to let someone know you received their gift and appreciate their generosity, what difference does it make how they do it?
For some people, it makes a lot of difference. The die-hard handwritten thank you note folks were quite adamant about their stance, to the point of withholding their kids' gifts and checks until the thank you cards were postmarked and in the mailbox.
Kudos to those parents for teaching their kids to say thanks, but they're also making a broad assumption that everyone prefers to receive a thank you card. Again, comments from others showed that's not the case.
Many people said that they just end up looking at a thank you note for a few seconds before throwing it away anyway, and that they'd actually prefer to get a phone call. Some went so far as to say they hate getting thank you notes, saying it's a waste of paper and money for postage and they prefer messages of gratitude that use fewer resources.
Scrolling through the responses, people's opinions seemed pretty much split half and half between "Only handwritten thank you notes, always" and "Doesn't matter how you say thanks as long as you say thanks."
Who knew the basic thank you note was such a hot topic of debate?
One thing we can all agree on is that it's polite to say thank you when someone gives you a gift. Regardless of the method by which you do so, acknowledging someone's thoughtfulness and expressing gratitude is a valuable life skill. So always say thanks—but maybe try not to get too hung up on how it's done.
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
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Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."