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A woman noticed a striking resemblance between JPMorgan's office perks and the show 'Severance'

Lumon would be proud.

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Adam Scott and Tramell Tillman in Severance

RIP remote work? Now that we're 4-plus years removed from the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic, more and more companies are beginning to mandate that employees return to the office, on a full or part-time basis. JPMorgan Chase is just one of the latest (and biggest) names to make the move. Starting March, the company announced, all employees must return to the office five days per week. Their CEO even ditched the policy that allowed employees to work-from-home two days per week.

To mark the occasion, and welcome everyone back, JPMorgan is planning to soon unveil a massive $3 billion, 2.5 millions square foot tower on New York's famous Park Avenue. The building will house 14,000 workers and feature state of the art architecture and technology.

The United State's largest bank is loading up its new corporate headquarters with perks to help employees transition back to office life. Some of the perks are great and truly enticing. Others are... questionable, to say the least.

Grace Tallon on LinkedIn noticed that some of the benefits of working in the JPMorgan Office seemed like they were yanked right out of one of the most popular current TV shows on the planet: Severance

If you don't know it, Severance is a psychological thriller on Apple TV that doubles as a dark and biting satire of corporate office culture and capitalism. Employees at a mysterious company called Lumon are "severed" — meaning their brains, memories, and personalities are literally split in half. While at work, they are a different person and retain no memories when they leave the office every night. In return for their sacrifice and for hitting key milestones, the employees receive ludicrous rewards like short dance parties with their boss, melon parties with carved watermelons, and handfuls of balloons. Employees are also expected to marvel at bizarre pieces of art that line the hall, featuring stoic images of Lumon's revered (and more than a bit creepy) founders.

Dance parties with your boss, anyone?Giphy

Conversely, JPMorgan's new tower will feature 19-restaurants with at-your-desk delivery, an Irish pub, and on-site physical therapy and yoga. But that's not all!

Tallon notes, however, that JPMorgan is also trying to entice employees with things like "personalized climate" in rooms and offices, a "signature scent" that wafts through the halls and somehow reinforces the brand, and, get this, even a "corporate art collection" that celebrates the company's history and values. Be more on the nose next time, will you JPMorgan? That's to say nothing of design elements that support worker's circadian rhythms and coffee machines that learn your favorites over time.

"Let’s stop pretending this is about connecting and doing better work," she writes.

Read Tallon's full post below on the striking similarities:

Commenters agreed that the perks came off more than a little tone deaf.

While some folks defended the corporation for doing their best to make employees feel cared for and taken care of, others didn't quite see it that way.

"the climate in my own home office is just right. Along with my own coffee, artwork, lighting (window wide open), and other perks and it cost me zero dollars to drive there and I don't have to wear shoes! Way out of touch," wrote Alix Z.

"Those perks sound more like a high-tech museum experience than actual employee benefits. Instead of a 'signature scent,' how about giving employees real reasons to feel good about coming to work?" said Diana Alayon

"Working at home perks: My own candle collection, curated to suit my preferences, Coffee and tea on tap, from our favourite brands, Comfortable cushions and blankets to help regulate my temperature at my desk, A variety of lighting options, ranging from warm white lamps to 'the big light', Freedom to work anywhere I want, such as my office desk, sofa, kitchen table or a coffee shop near by, Personalised art with photos of family and pictures we enjoy, Working space decorated to my own specifications, Plenty of spaces nearby for fresh air and dog walks" wrote Eloise Todd in a mic-drop comment.

Giphy

Hey, I'm not totally naive. I do think there is something positive about working together in-person with your colleagues. And sure, if I'm going to be there, I'd love to have delicious lunches and free yoga classes available to me. But to take away even the option of occasionally working from home and duct-taping over it with an algorithm that tracks my coffee order and temperature preferences, and filling the halls with strange paintings that move when I walk by? It kind of loses the thread, and it's exactly the kind of thinking that the creators of Severance are so good at skewering.

It turns out that what people really want out of their jobs is actually pretty simple. They want fair pay, autonomy, some level of flexibility, and good benefits. Perks are nice — even the kind of weird ones — but they can only go so far. It remains to be seen if companies that dictate back-to-the-office edicts are willing to follow through on the things that really matter.

One anonymous worker reiterated as much when they told the NY Post: "I'm looking forward to some of those little amenities — but I'm still not down for having to go to the office five days a week."

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In a thermostat war? The ideal room temperature for work is warmer than you might think.

And it's not just a stereotype that men and women tend to differ on this front.

Photo (left) by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash, Photo (right) by Sean D on Unsplash

How warm should an office be for optimal productivity?

For a species that evolved in a wide range of climates and conditions and had little ability to choose the temperature around us until recently, humans are awfully persnickety about our thermostat settings. Some of us are so sensitive to temperature fluctuations we can tell if someone has raised or lowered it by a degree or two—a reality that set the stage for many a workplace thermostat war.

If you think 68 degrees is the optimal room temperature in the office and start sweating at your desk when it hits 72, you're not alone. And if 68 degrees has you putting on your parka and begging the office manager for a nice, balmy 77, you're also not alone.

Obviously, there's a huge range of preferences, but is there an optimal room temperature for work productivity? And if so, what is it?

According to a study at University of Southern California, the answer to that question depends on whether you're a man or a woman.

“It’s been documented that women like warmer indoor temperatures than men, but the idea until now has been that it’s a matter of personal preference,” study author and associate professor of finance and business economics Tommy Chang said. “What we found is it’s not just whether you feel comfortable or not, but that your performance on things that matter — in math and verbal dimensions, and how hard you try — is affected by temperature.”

In the study, women performed best when temperatures were between 70 and 80 degrees, while men's productivity increased as the temperature went down. However, men were not as negatively impacted by warmer temperatures as women were at cooler temperatures, which led Chang to pinpoint a number that seems ideal.

“I’m cringing a little bit to say this,” Chang told the Los Angeles Times. “75 degrees to me is boiling. That’s hot. I’m very warm at 75. But in a gender-balanced office environment, our results suggest that something like 75 degrees might be the optimal temperature to have for optimal productivity.”

Of course, there are men who run cold and women who run hot, but a clear difference in gender preference and performance overall was observed in the 543 people involved in the study, which tested productivity at temperatures ranging from about 61 degrees Fahrenheit to about 91 degrees Fahrenheit. This was especially apparent on verbal and math tasks.

“One of the most surprising things we learned is this isn’t about the extremes of temperature,” Chang said. “It’s not like we’re getting to freezing or boiling hot. Even if you go from 60 to 75 degrees, which is a relatively normal temperature range, you still see a meaningful variation in performance.”

For many of us, 60 and 75 do feel like extreme temperatures, but that's neither here nor there. If all else fails, take a poll to see what people's temperature preferences are and find the median to come the closest to making everyone happy. But considering the entirety of a workplace, assuming an even number of men and women, the thermostat should be set somewhere around 75 if you want people to have the greatest productivity overall.

But maybe provide a desk fan for the under-70-degrees folks, because 75 will likely feel like the surface of the sun for them.

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Ernst & Young's advice to female employees is an archaic throwback to the 1950s

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In today's episode of WTH, professional accounting services firm Ernst & Young has taken gender dynamics in the workplace to a whole new level. And by whole new level, I mean totally batsh*t backwards.

An anonymous former employee sent a 55-page Power-Presence-Purpose (PPP) presentation to HuffPost, detailing a self-improvement training offered to employees last year. According to "Jane," who has since left the company, the presentation was demeaning to women and left her feeling like a piece of meat.

For example, a section focused on appearances said that women need to "signal fitness and wellness" (is there any way to read that other than "don't be fat"?), and that women should have a "good haircut" and "manicured nails." They should also wear "well-cut attire that complements your body type," but also "don't flaunt your body" and "don't show skin" because "sexuality scrambles the mind."

So be hot, but not too hot. Wear clothes that flatter your body, but make sure no one notices your body. Be sure that your idea of not-too-much-skin conforms to every other person's subjective sexy threshold. And get your nails done, lady.

RELATED: Forbes' 100 Most Innovative Leaders list includes 99 men. Here's how their methodology was flawed

Now how about we tack on a list of arbitrary "masculine" and "feminine" traits that make men look like natural leaders (ambitious, assertive, dominant, makes decisions easily, strong personality) and women look like pushovers (childlike, flatterable, gullible, soft-spoken, yielding).

Attendees were given a "Masculine/Feminine Score Sheet" before the seminar and asked to rate how they ranked on each trait in and out of the workplace. Jane said the message was that you had to keep these stereotypical traits in mind and adhere to them if you want to be successful at work.

She also said that women at the training were coached in how to interact with men, with advice such as:

  • Don't directly confront men in meetings, because men perceive this as threatening. (Women do not.) Meet before (or after) the meeting instead.
  • If you're having a conversation with a man, cross your legs and sit at an angle to him. Don't talk to a man face-to-face. Men see that as threatening.
  • Don't be too aggressive or outspoken.

Jane said that attendees were told that women's brains are 6% to 11% smaller than men's brains, with no further explanation for why that would even be relevant. It was also explained to them that women have a hard time focusing because their brains absorb information like pancakes soak up syrup. Men's brains are more like waffles, and they are better able to focus because they compartmentalize information in each little square.

So...Men are from Waffle House, Women are from IHOP? What actual fresh hell did we just fall into?

And wait one hot minute. If men are so good at focusing because waffles, what's with the bit about skin and sex scrambling their brain? Can they not just put sex into one waffle square and professionalism into another? If their brains are so good at separating out all the information they take in, how are they not capable of seeing a colleague without her legs crossed as just a colleague and not a sexy threat to their male ego? Could it be because the entire premise of this idea is bullpucky?

RELATED: Men share times when they've stood up to misogynistic behavior.

Interestingly, the presentation was actually created by a woman—Marsha Clark, an outside consultant. The HuffPost article, in which Clark declined to comment, explains a bit of her background and why perhaps her approach to gender in the workplace appears so out-of-date:

"Clark touts her own business experience as critical to her consulting expertise. According to her website bio, she served as an executive at Electronic Data Systems, the Texas technology company founded by Ross Perot, for 21 years before striking out on her own as a consultant in 2000.

Working as one of the few women in the C-suites of the Texas tech industry in the 1980s and 1990s would have been a sexist minefield. That experience may be why Clark's advice still follows an older approach of telling women how to navigate within stereotypes rather than confronting them more directly."

Yeah, maybe. But it's baffling that anyone in 2018 could possibly find the above advice not completely abhorrent. Internalized misogyny, anyone?

Ernst & Young told HuffPost that the version of the training described here is no longer being used and that they disagreed with Jane's characterization of it. "Any isolated aspects are taken wholly out of context," they wrote. Mmmkay. I'm not sure how any of the above would be considered favorable in any context. And that's great that they aren't using this version any more, but it's only been a little over a year since they did—as if we didn't know in July of 2018 that giving women conflicting advice about how they should look and telling them to be more demure and less assertive in the workplace was not archaic, 1950's thinking.

It's crap like this that makes me want to buy allll the Crush the Patriarchy t-shirts. But maybe that's just my syrupy pancake brain talking.

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It's incredibly hard to get by as a contractor in America. It shouldn't have to be.

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The Rockefeller Foundation

Retirement, paid sick days, a steady schedule — in theory, these should be a given for all working people. In practice, not so much.

Right now, a little over 10% of the American workforce is part of the “gig economy,” according to the UC Berkeley Labor Center, which means that most or all of their main income comes from work they do as independent contractors or through temp, on-call, and contract work.

They aren't guaranteed direct deposits, they don't get paid-time off, and they often have to grapple with stagnating wages and self-employment taxes. Plus, there is no employer contribution when it comes to saving for retirement and health care coverage.

This means that health care can also get expensive quickly. Full-time employment versus contract employment is the difference between putting an average of $89 a month toward the health care benefits provided by your company and paying an average of $396 a month for coverage on your own.

All photos via iStock.

Making matters worse, many low-earning contractors or gig economy workers are among the 55% of Americans that live paycheck to paycheck. This means that they don’t earn enough to build a safety net in case of an unexpected emergency. According to a report by the Federal Reserve, nearly half of Americans struggle to scrape together even $400 when something unexpected comes up — like car trouble.

The solutions available during these times of emergency, such as borrowing from friends and family or payday lending, can be inaccessible or predatory, which means that these workers are often forced to make an impossible choice between feeding their family or fixing the car.

There's a clear need for a safety net for these workers — that's why one organization, The Workers Lab, is working tirelessly to provide it.

Supported by The Rockefeller Foundation, The Workers Lab funds experiments and innovations that build power for working people.

“What we learn is that working people are living the unjust reality of being poor while working harder and producing more than ever,” says Carmen Rojas, CEO of The Workers Lab.

One way to help these contractors is by providing them with access to portable benefits. These are benefits that would stay with contractors even as they move among jobs. Portable benefits could include paid sick leave, disability insurance, and an emergency fund, for starters.

“These workers deserve more than merely making ends meet. They deserve to live lives of opportunity, mobility, and dignity,” says Rojas.

The Workers Lab also believes we need to reimagine and rebuild the social safety net for all workers, regardless of where and how they work. All workers need the security of knowing that their immediate needs are being met and that they have health care, a steady paycheck, and a way to retire when it comes time for that.

“We owe it to all working people to ensure that they are not wasting the best years of their lives barely scraping by,” says Rojas.

61% of American workers struggle to come up with $1,000 in a financial emergency. To help them thrive instead of scrape by, The Workers Lab’s immediate goal is to get low-earning contractors and low wage workers the money they need when they are hit with an unexpected expense.

That's why they are working to establish a fund that would give contractors access to meaningful cash infusions for such situations — which can be a huge relief.

Failing to adapt to workers’ immediate needs could be detrimental to the future, which is why organizations like The Workers Lab are working so hard to find timely solutions.

Because of your support we had an incredibly successful 2017! Including TRIPLING our funding. Read more about all of our...

Posted by The Workers Lab on Saturday, December 30, 2017

Imagine a workforce where all you have to think about is your work. You wouldn't have to worry about whether or not you’ll be able to pay for your annual physical or your upcoming knee surgery. You can rest easy knowing that if an emergency hits, you won’t have to make an impossible choice or turn to a payday lender just to feed your family.

This might sound like an impossible dream now, but with increased awareness of the problems faced by contract workers and with organizations like The Workers Lab working tirelessly to find solutions to help workers without safety nets, it's closer to reality than ever before.

For more than 100 years, The Rockefeller Foundation’s mission has been to promote the well-being of humanity throughout the world. Together with partners and grantees, The Rockefeller Foundation strives to catalyze and scale transformative innovations, create unlikely partnerships that span sectors, and take risks others cannot — or will not.

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