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Sometimes we should think before we speak

Sure, there are inherent problems that come from assigning children with the label “gifted," among them being the constant pressure to succeed, equating good grades with self-worth, being alienated from peers, and last but not least, having to deal with the psychological whiplash of learning that being “special” doesn’t protect you from real-world problems once school is over.

With that said, are parents doing their high-achieving kids a disservice by calling them “gifted?”

One dad seems to think so…although he may be regretting sharing that perspective.



On Reddit’s Am I The A**hole forum, the dad explained that he and his wife both hold degrees in electrical engineering and have two children—a son, 17, and a daughter, 15.

Their daughter finished high school early and is heading to college at the same time as their son. She’s already chosen to study physics and computer science, while their son hasn’t picked a major yet.


After commending his daughter for her achievements and saying that she had been in the gifted program at her school, the dad goes on to share a dinner conversation that quickly went south.

“My wife mentioned how proud she was of our daughter and how lucky we were to have gifted children going to good university programs and how not many people can do what our daughter did.”

Aw. What a nice mom. Here’s how the dad responded.

via GIPHY

“I was also very happy but I said that while (daughter) is really hardworking and smart, I would not say that she is actually gifted and others can't do it if they put in the same amount of work,” he said. “Her school does a lot to try to admit girls into her program, and my wife helped teach her advanced college level math and physics from an earlier age, she didn't naturally pick it up on her own. If anything being a younger applicant with the same credentials probably helped her stand out more for the admissions committee.”

While the dad attests that he was merely trying to avoid the term “gifted” because he had seen how it has “ruined” other people’s lives, his intentions didn’t exactly pan out.

“Both my wife and daughter are upset at me now, my wife thinks I was trying to put her down which is not true and says she is gifted, while my daughter actually agrees with me but says I should not have said it as she already knows,” he wrote.

And therein lies the OP’s question: was he the jerk in this situation? Did he unrightfully downplay his daughter’s abilities?

According to the folks on Reddit, the answer is unequivocally yes. Not only was the action unnecessary and toxic but it was also deemed as pretty illogical.

via GIPHY

“Putting your daughter down served no positive purpose. Discouraging a young teen like that can have serious detrimental effects. Even if she isn’t actually gifted, you were the asshole,” the top comment read. “That being said, she is gifted. Not every 15-year-old can go to a university to study physics. Not only is she gifted academically, she is gifted with drive and determination. Not everyone has that. And you tried to put her down.”

“The very fact that she was able to pick up calculus at an early age is evidence she is gifted. I’m assuming she was doing calculus at age 12-13 if she’s already going to college for physics. Anyone doing calculus before high school is gifted, she’s several standard deviations higher than the average student," wrote another.

Posts from the amitheasshole
community on Reddit

Several women who worked in STEM also chimed in to point out how the dad’s rhetoric reflected sexism.

One person wrote: “I spent my career as a woman in the sciences and I've been around countless guys like you who are quick to praise their little female 'worker bees' as long as they know their place, but who are incapable of acknowledging when a woman is genuinely exceptional. It's especially heartbreaking that you have managed to erode her awareness of her own gifts to the point where she ‘actually agrees’ with you that she is ‘just’ a hard worker and not really gifted.”

And perhaps the comment to drive it all home:

“The horrible part here is that this message is coming from the girl's own father. He should be her biggest fan, not her harshest critic."

Parents want to do what’s best for their kids—setting them up for the highest success while protecting them from potential danger. But sometimes that objective gets warped by a parent’s own limited viewpoint. Hopefully, other parents can take this story as a reminder that when their kids are excelling, knocking them down a peg doesn’t really do them any favors.

Barbie's had a multitude of jobs in her lifetime. Her latest career is inspiring kids to dream of a future in STEM.

She's been an architect and a teacher. She's been a firefighter, a lifeguard, and a presidential candidate. She's even been a Canadian Mountie.

But there's one thing that Barbie hasn't been — a robotics engineer. Mattel's newest doll is changing all that.


Barbie's latest iteration has an important goal: Get young girls to grow an interest in the fields of science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM).

While the doll has some cool accessories right in the box — goggles, a laptop, a cute little robot toy — its most meaningful feature is a suite of coding lessons targeted toward teaching kids how to use logic and critical thinking to solve problems.

Mattel has also partnered with Black Girls Code, an organization that's focused on exposing girls and young women of color to the "digital space" in order to transform them into the leaders of tomorrow. The toy manufacturer will be providing the org with a grant of support and enough dolls to give away at robotics expos hosted by Black Girls Code around the country.

Photo via Mattel.

Inspiring young women to explore careers in STEM is more important than ever.

Although more and more girls are becoming interested in working in the tech sector, women and other marginalized groups are still greatly underrepresented in the field.

According to recent stats, women make up 47% of the workforce in the U.S. but only hold 24% of jobs in STEM. And though women make up almost half of all college graduates, only 25% hold degrees in STEM fields, a problem that's less about "career choice" and much more about the fact that young women haven't been traditionally as encouraged to pursue degrees in tech as young men.

As two girls point out in a new ad campaign for Barbie: "If girls can't see women doing these jobs, how will we know we can?"

The doll will be available in four different ethnicities — so "as many girls as possible see themselves," according to Lisa McKnight, Barbie's general manager and senior vice president — and her fashion choices will authentically mirror what an actual engineer would wear while on the job . That means jeans and sneakers as opposed to slinky evening gowns and high heels.

Kids are already loving the new doll.

Speaking to CBS, 15-year-old Kimora Oliver, who's been working with Black Girls Code, gushed over the fact that the new doll looks like her and shares her interests.

"I remember when I was younger and I used to have Barbies and they used to have a purses and dogs. I would be like, 'I want to be just like that! I want to get this purse and everything,'" Oliver said. "I think other girls will see this and be like, 'I want to get in tech too!'"

Let's hope that excitement for STEM spreads through young girls worldwide!

We were not compensated to write this article — we'd tell you if we were! — we just really loved this doll and what it stands for.

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She was raising $2,600 so 100 girls could see 'Hidden Figures.' She just cleared $13,000.

'I figured this movie would be a good starting point to show girls that even when life gets hard, you have to keep going.'

On Dec. 15, 2016, 13-year-old space enthusiast Taylor Richardson had the experience of a lifetime.

She saw a special screening of "Hidden Figures" at the White House alongside the cast of the movie, first lady Michelle Obama, and several NASA astronauts.

From left, Octavia Spencer, Janelle Monáe, and Kevin Costner. Photo by NASA/Aubrey Gemignani.


Not only was the biopic about Katherine Johnson, Mary Jackson, and Dorothy Vaughan — three women who were the unsung heroes behind the first successful NASA missions into space — inspiring to Richardson on many levels, what hit home most for her was what Michelle Obama said about everything they were up against.

"These women couldn’t even drink from the same water fountain or use the same bathroom as many of their colleagues … and folks didn’t always take these women seriously because they were black and also because they were women," Obama explained that night.

The first lady also talked about how few women — and even fewer women of color — there are working in STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) fields today.

The experience made Richardson want to do whatever she could to show girls that their STEM skills are not only welcome, but finally being celebrated.

"I've been to four space centers, and not once were these women and their contributions that impacted our space program mentioned," writes Richardson in an email.

Photo via Fox Movies.

She decided to start a GoFundMe campaign to raise money to offer 100 girls the chance to see "Hidden Figures" for free in the theater.

"I figured this movie would be a good starting point to show girls that even when life gets hard, you have to keep going," Richardson explains.

She included in her budget goal enough money for each girl to get a snack and a copy of the book on which the movie was based.

Literacy is very important to Richardson, who regularly collects gently used STEM books and donates them to schools and children in need. "I've donated over 3,000 books and read to over 250 kids in Jacksonville about STEM and space," Richardson says.

In just 18 days, she exceeded her goal of $2,600 five times over. That extra  money will go toward more screenings for girls who could use some STEM  inspiration right now.

Richardson with NASA astronaut Yvonne Cagle. Photo via Taylor Richardson.

Despite women's growing in STEM work and space exploration these days, there is still a major disparity of women of color in these fields. No doubt the lack of representation in the history books and, until recently, on screen has something to do with that.

While Richardson's idea to provide free movie screenings may seem small, her commitment to changing the game for women of color in STEM is not.

She's far from alone in seeing what the impact a movie like "Hidden Figures" can have on the next generation of girls.

There's a reason "Hidden Figures" has remained #1 at the box office for two weeks straight, beating out blockbusters like "Rogue One." Representation matters — for girls dreaming of being astronauts, women of color who have trouble finding role models, and anyone else who feels left out of history.

Hopefully, thanks to movies like "Hidden Figures," more and more girls will realize there is a place for them in STEM fields.

Richardson, whose goal is to be the first person to walk on Mars, offers some sound advice for girls on the fundraising page: "It's important that girls not only look at the stars but take the steps to reach for them."