Many are saying this dad needs therapy.
We all love a funny “terrible names” story, but sometimes it’s not all laughs. Sometimes which names are chosen, or not chosen, can stir up painful family drama—primarily because the conflict tends to reveal certain boundaries which have been crossed.
This seemed to be the case for one 28-year-old, whose already "complicated" relationship with his dad got more strained when he decided to name his first born daughter after his late mother, rather than his late stepmother.
As the man explained, his mother and father divorced when he was just a baby, and when he turned 5 years old, his mom passed away. By that time, his father “was already remarried and had another child,” and seemed to expect that “I would forget about my mom entirely and assimilate into his new family like they were the only one.”
“There was also a big effort to ignore my grief and to expect me to move on like nothing happened,” he added, saying that when he was thirteen, his father sat him down and asked if he’d allow his wife to “adopt” him, even saying that “it was time for me to acknowledge her in that role and position in my life and make it official.” When the then 13-year-old said no, he “threw a tantrum” and then it was never mentioned again.
“There was also a big effort to ignore my grief and to expect me to move on like nothing happened."Photo credit: Canva
Still, there would be tense moments that followed, including when the step mother had passed, and the father expected the son to delay his own wedding for years. But mostly, this subject was largely considered off limits. Until now, when he and his wife are expecting their first shield.
The couple had secretly decided to name their soon-to-be daughter after the man's late mother, as it honors her legacy and was a “nature name,” something his wife really wanted. However, at family get-together, the father shares his expectation that the child would be named after than man’s late stepmother. And, unsurprisingly, "lost his temper" and accused his son of having “no respect” when the man informed him that wouldn’t be happening.
"He told me he's grieving, my siblings are grieving and I should take that into consideration," the man wrote. "I told him that has nothing to do with what we name our child."
"His grief does not get to dictate the name my wife and I choose for our child.”Photo credit: Canva
Things only escalated when the father arranged a one-on-one meeting and surmised that the child would be named after “that woman,” which he called "inconsiderate."
“He told me a good son would take this into consideration and honor the woman his father loved, the woman who raised him as her very own," the man said. However, at this point, the son decided to stand up against his dad, telling him, "his grief does not get to dictate the name my wife and I choose for our child.” Heaven even added the fact that zero acknowledgement was made to his own grief as a child after losing his mother. After that he said there would be no more discussion.
Seemingly unanimously, readers are siding with the OP, agreeing that the father was having unrealistic expectations, and had been acting selfishly in general.
"Your Dad needs counseling," one person commented. "He's showing no understanding towards you at all yet is demanding a higher level of understanding that he gave you. He's obviously not thinking clearly and is too wrapped up in himself."
“Postponing a wedding for years and having a tantrum about naming a child isn't grief you should respect, it's something you tell them to go to therapy over because it's affecting lives around them negatively,” another added.
One person even suggested going low/no contact, writing, “your father is extremely self centered and doesn’t care about anyone else’s feelings but his own. I highly suggest you distance yourself from him.” To this the OP wrote that he is "strongly considering" it.
Severing ties with problematic family members is a growing trend. And while not everyone agrees it’s necessary or the healthiest way to handle a problem, stories like these remind us why they are a valid solution in some cases.