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well-being

Mental Health

What parents teach kids when we allow them to take a 'mental health day'

With zero hesitation—just a simple, "OK"—he turned the car around and took me home, and it's a lesson I've never forgotten.

With one turn of the wheel, my dad taught me a lesson about self-care in high school that I'll never forget.

When I was in high school, I woke up one morning feeling overwhelmed. I was an honors student, I was involved in various activities and clubs, and for whatever reason, I felt thoroughly unprepared for the day. I don't recall if I had a test or a presentation or if it was just a normal school day that I couldn't face—I just remember feeling like I'd hit a wall and couldn't make my mental gears turn right.

I usually walked the mile and a half to school, but I was running late so my dad offered to drive me. In the car, I tried to keep it together, but halfway to school, the tears started to fall. My dad looked over and asked if I was OK.

"I don't know," I sobbed. "I feel like … I just … I need a day."

He knew I wasn't sick. He could have told me to tough it out. He could have given me a pep talk. He could have forced me to go. But he didn't do any of those things.

With zero hesitation—and just a simple "OK"—he turned the car around and took me home.

I have no memory of what I did the rest of that day. Three decades later, the only thing that sticks out is the basic-but-profound lesson my dad instilled in me the moment he turned that steering wheel: It's totally OK to take care of yourself.

We talked about it briefly on the way home. As it turned out, he was also taking a "mental health day." My dad was a social worker and, as an adult, I can totally understand why he would need to take a random day off sometimes. But it didn't really matter what he did for a living. Most of us need an occasional mental health day—adults, teens, and kids alike.

mental health day, mental health, relax, self care, kids, teens, adultsGirl relaxing in nature. Image via Canva.

Some schools have begun incorporating this understanding into their school attendance policies. Utah passed a bill in 2018 that allows a mental health day to count as an excused absence from school. Oregon enacted a similar law in 2019 and Arizona, Colorado, Connecticut, Illinois, Maine, Nevada and Virginia have followed suit. In a 2023 article, Verywell Mind noted all the US states that are either allowing student mental health days or have proposed bills to get the ball rolling.

“Mental health days are not only good for the practical aspect of giving young people a break," psychologist Caroline Clauss-Ehlers, Ph.D., told Healthline in 2020, "but they also validate that the community and society are saying, 'We understand and we’re supporting you in this way.'”

Occupational therapist Shelli Dry concurs, telling Healthline that acceptance of mental health days can help eliminate the stigma that often comes with mental illness.

“For schools to recognize that sometimes it’s better to take a mental health day than push through when you cannot seem to cope, is a tremendous support for students to feel understood and accepted, and [this, in turn, encourages] students to understand and accept themselves more,” she said.

kids relaxing, mental health day, mental health, self care, relaxation, kidsKids relaxing.Image via Canva.

Sometimes we forget how hard it is being a kid. In some ways, I think it's way harder than being an adult. Considering the fact that 1 in 6 kids between the ages of six and 17 experience a mental health disorder each year, we need to acknowledge that a lot of kids have days where they're struggling. But even kids who don't deal with mental illness sometimes need a down day. Modern life is busy and complex, no matter our age. Managing it all daily—and then also handling whatever extra stuff life throws at us—is a lot.

Part of good parenting is teaching kids to persevere through challenges, but encouraging perseverance has to be balanced with insight and wisdom. Sometimes kids might cry wolf, but it's important for parents to understand that kids might be dealing with more than we know. Sometimes kids need to be encouraged to dig deep for resilience. Sometimes kids have already been resilient for a long time and need a little time and space to just be.

My dad knew me. He understood that I wasn't just being lazy or trying to get out of doing something hard. He trusted me to know what I needed, which in turn taught me to listen to my inner alarm and trust myself. As a result, I've spent my adult life with a good sense of when I need to push through and when I need to pause and reset—a gift I'm immensely grateful for.

All of that said, this advice does come with a caveat. As a parent of kids who are learning to manage anxiety, mental health days can be a mixed bag. There's a difference between taking a mental health day because you really need it—which happens—and taking a mental health day to avoid facing fears—which also happens. Avoidance feels good in the moment but fuels anxiety in the long run, so parents and kids have to be aware of how the idea can be misused and unintentionally make certain mental health issues worse.

mental health, discernment, parents, kids, self care, good parentingDad walking child to school. Image via Canva.

The bottom line, however, is that kids need breaks sometimes. And when you allow them to take an occasional day here and there to breathe, to do some self-care, to reconnect with themselves and reset their mental and emotional barometer, you teach them that their well-being matters. You teach them that it's OK to acknowledge when they've hit a limit and pause to recoup their strength.

It's OK to turn the car around when you know you need to. That's a lesson we all need to learn, and one we need to support with work and school policies in addition to internalizing individually. We're making some good strides toward that goal, and the sooner we all get on the same page, the better everyone's well-being will be.

To learn more about how to help kids and teens with their mental health and self-care practices, The Kids Mental Health Foundation has tons of resources for parents, caregivers, teachers, coaches, and more.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

Mental Health

Viral post thoughtfully reexamines Kerri Strug's iconic broken ankle vault at 1996 Olympics

"Yesterday I was excited to show my daughters Kerri Strug's famous one-leg vault...But for some reason I wasn't as inspired watching it this time. In fact, I felt a little sick."

Simone Biles withdrawing from the team final in the Tokyo Olympics and subsequently withdrawing from the individual all-around finals after getting a case of the "twisties" has the world talking. She's received overwhelming support as well as overwhelming criticism for the move, with some praising her for recognizing her limits and others blasting her for not persevering through whatever she's dealing with.

Some people pointed to Kerri Strug, who landed on one foot after vaulting with a broken ankle in the 1996 Olympics to help the U.S. win gold, as an example of the kind of sacrifice an athlete should be willing to make for their country.

Byron Heath shared some thoughts about that fateful day in a viral Facebook post that has been shared more than 370,000 times in less than a day.

Heath wrote:

"This realization I had about Simone Biles is gonna make some people mad, but oh well.

Yesterday I was excited to show my daughters Kerri Strug's famous one-leg vault. It was a defining Olympic moment that I watched live as a kid, and my girls watched raptly as Strug fell, and then limped back to leap again.

But for some reason I wasn't as inspired watching it this time. In fact, I felt a little sick. Maybe being a father and teacher has made me soft, but all I could see was how Kerri Strug looked at her coach, Bela Karolyi, with pleading, terrified eyes, while he shouted back 'You can do it!' over and over again.

My daughters didn't cheer when Strug landed her second vault. Instead they frowned in concern as she collapsed in agony and frantic tears.

'Why did she jump again if she was hurt?' one of my girls asked. I made some inane reply about the heart of a champion or Olympic spirit, but in the back of my mind a thought was festering: *She shouldn't have jumped again*

The more the thought echoed, the stronger my realization became. Coach Karolyi should have gotten his visibly injured athlete medical help immediately! Now that I have two young daughters in gymnastics, I expect their safety to be the coach's number one priority. Instead, Bela Karolyi told Strug to vault again. And he got what he wanted; a gold medal that was more important to him than his athlete's health. I'm sure people will say 'Kerri Strug was a competitor--she WANTED to push through the injury.' That's probably true. But since the last Olympics we've also learned these athletes were put into positions where they could be systematically abused both emotionally and physically, all while being inundated with 'win at all costs' messaging. A teenager under those conditions should have been protected, and told 'No medal is worth the risk of permanent injury.' In fact, we now know that Strug's vault wasn't even necessary to clinch the gold; the U.S. already had an insurmountable lead.

Nevertheless, Bela Karolyi told her to vault again according to his own recounting of their conversation:

'I can't feel my leg,' Strug told Karolyi.

'We got to go one more time,' Karolyi said. 'Shake it out.'

'Do I have to do this again?' Strug asked. 'Can you, can you?' Karolyi wanted to know.

'I don't know yet,' said Strug. 'I will do it. I will, I will.'

The injury forced Strug's retirement at 18 years old. Dominique Moceanu, a generational talent, also retired from injuries shortly after. They were top gymnasts literally pushed to the breaking point, and then put out to pasture. Coach Karolyi and Larry Nassar (the serial sexual abuser) continued their long careers, while the athletes were treated as a disposable resource.

Today Simone Biles--the greatest gymnast of all time--chose to step back from the competition, citing concerns for mental and physical health. I've already seen comments and posts about how Biles 'failed her country', 'quit on us', or 'can't be the greatest if she can't handle the pressure.' Those statements are no different than Coach Karolyi telling an injured teen with wide, frightened eyes: 'We got to go one more time. Shake it out.'

The subtext here is: 'Our gold medal is more important than your well-being.'

Our athletes shouldn't have to destroy themselves to meet our standards. If giving empathetic, authentic support to our Olympians means we'll earn less gold medals, I'm happy to make that trade.

Here's the message I hope we can send to Simone Biles: You are an outstanding athlete, a true role model, and a powerful woman. Nothing will change that. Please don't sacrifice your emotional or physical well-being for our entertainment or national pride. We are proud of you for being brave enough to compete, and proud of you for having the wisdom to know when to step back. Your choice makes you an even better example to our daughters than you were before. WE'RE STILL ROOTING FOR YOU!"

Many people shared Heath's sentiment, with comments pouring in thanking him for putting words to what they were feeling.

We're in a new era where our lens of what's admirable, what's strong, and what's right has shifted. We understand more about the lifelong impact of too many concussions. We have trainers and medics checking on football players after big hits. We are finding a better balance between competitiveness and well-being. We are acknowledging the importance of mental health and physical health.

We are also more aware of how both physical and mental trauma impacts young bodies. Though Kerri Strug pushing through the pain has long been seen as an iconic moment in sports, the adults in the room should have been protecting her, not pushing her through an obvious injury.

And the way this fall of Dominique Moceanu at age 14 was handled is downright shocking by today's standards. She said she never received an exam for it, even after the competition was over. So wrong.

Athletes are not cogs in a wheel, and the desire to win a competition should not trump someone's well-being. Elite gymnasts already put themselves through grueling physical and mental feats; they wouldn't be at the top of their sport if they didn't. But there are limits, and too often in our yearning for a gold medal—or even for a triumphant Olympic story—we push athletes too far.

Now we see some of them pushing back, and knowing what we know now, that's 100% a good thing.


This article originally appeared 3 years ago.

Some things the pandemic shutdowns gave us have stuck.

When we think about what life was like in 2020…well, most of us don't really want to think about that, do we? The COVID-19 pandemic turned our lives upside down and tossed us into uncharted waters as the world learned in real-time what a highly contagious outbreak of a potentially deadly virus meant for our sense of normalcy.

When we were asked to observe social distancing, many of us spent a lot of time at home with a lot of extra time on our hands. It was hard, but it was also a reset of sorts—an opportunity to take stock of our personal habits and make changes we may have been to busy or distracted or unmotivated to make. Some people took that opportunity and ran with it, establishing new habits of body and mind that they've managed to maintain since.

Someone on Reddit asked, "What’s a habit you picked up during quarantine that you still maintain?" and the responses are a celebration of the positive things that came out of the pandemic and proof that change is possible.


Here were some of the most motivational responses:

Getting in shape

"I picked up running as a hobby/acceptable excuse to leave the house. I’ve since lost fifty pounds and am now training for a half marathon. So, there’s that."

woman running outsideLots of people started exercise routines during the pandemic.Photo credit: Canva

"I'm in the same boat, I took up weightlifting during the pandemic, lost 30kgs (66lbs) and gained a new healthy habit."

"I picked up Disc Golf for my outdoor hobby during COVID. Been playing every weekend ever since. Feel so much better!"

"So this is pretty lame but, for most of my life (starting in probably middle school) I always carried my wallet in my right hand back pocket. I was so used to sitting on it that it became almost comforting. Didn’t really need my wallet for months on end during Covid and was probably wearing sweats with no back pocket when I did need it. I can’t stand having my wallet in my back pocket now so I’m a front pocket wallet guy now."

A healthy work-life balance

"I’m sure I’m not the only one, but my work/life balance was forcefully re-prioritized in the best way, and I don’t think I’ll ever give an actual fuck about a job or money ever again. I mean I care to the extent that I want to try and do good work, and obviously I care about money to the extent that my bills need paid, but I realized there are plenty of jobs out there and plenty of time to advance my career. I only have one family though, and my kids are kids for a very finite amount of time.

I’ll never again skip a family outing for an extra shift, nor stay late because 'this really needs done'” Nah man, it’s 5 pm and that can be tomorrow’s problem; I’m late for home."

"The way I see it, nobody i work with will remember or care if I work late every day. But my family will."

"This was a big one for me. Life exists outside the office. When reflecting on one's life, no one says "I wish I had spent more time at work." I go hard at work so I can be lazy at home."

Embracing the work-from-home wardrobe

"Having a wardrobe of nice 'work pyjamas.' 😂"

"I call it 'business sloppy.' Button up shirt. Track pants."

man in shirt and tie with pajama pantsThree cheers for business sloppy.Photo credit: Canva

"They make dress pants out of sweatpants materials now. Also there’s very little difference between my elastic waist linen dress pants and my flannel pajamas. I threw out all of my old work pants."

"The term 'Dayjamas' has stuck with me hard, especially since I now work remote."

"Fully this. Before covid I would come to the office in nice dresses, skirts, pants, maybe even a button down or a polo. My hair and makeup would be done and I’d be accessorizing, etc. After we came back to the office post covid they were lucky if the unwashed black leggings I wore didn’t have holes in them."

"I now own more leggings and sports bras than everrrr. 😊 And leggings go with everything. Right? It took me a really long time to put real pants on. I hate real pants now."

"Comfy bras only."

Learning new things

"I was a bit late to discover all the things my smartphone could do. During the pandemic, I was mentally unwell, nuff said, and I was on my phone for days on end, searching for games, and payday loans and other crap.

I came across Duolingo, and as I had always wanted to learn French, I started, and got my daily dopamine hits. I got up to 664 days, past my illness too, but then took about 10 months of casual learning before picking up the daily streak again, and now I am 347 days on my second attempt at a lengthy streak, and I'm starting a Diploma of Modern Languages - French in 2.5 weeks."

french program on computerSome people started learning another language.Photo credit: Canva

"Learning German on Duolingo. Now I have 1700 days without pause 😎"

"I picked up cooking new recipes, which has become a fun and creative outlet that I still enjoy."

Good hand hygiene

"Wash my hands more often."

"I’ve washed my hands so much that I uncovered nightclub stamps from the 90’s."

"Hand sanitizer in the car at all times. Particularly after activities like pumping gas and grocery shopping."

"Yes I always washed my hands before eating and all that but now I also wash as soon as I get home. Seems kind of the equivalent of taking your shoes off when you get home."

someone washing their handsWe're all better hand washers now, hopefully.Photo credit: Canva

"I used to be the 'germs have never hurt me yet' guy who'd share straws and drinks and let you spit on me if you asked nicely enough or it would be funny for a bit. Then covid happened and I found out just how bad most people actually are, I couldn't believe the backlash we got from telling people to wash their hands and since then, unless you're family you're staying at a distance."

Letting go of FOMO

"I get like zero FOMO ever now."

"JOMO. Joy Of Missing Out."

"Avoiding large crowds, and people in general."

"Saying no to social engagements I don't want to attend."

"Too true. Before Covid I attended every wedding my friends/family invited me to, afterwards…nah I’m good."

Odd little permanent changes like this guy's wallet placement shift

man putting wallet in front pocketFront pocket is better for your back.Photo credit: Canva

"So this is pretty lame but, for most of my life (starting in probably middle school) I always carried my wallet in my right hand back pocket. I was so used to sitting on it that it became almost comforting. Didn’t really need my wallet for months on end during Covid and was probably wearing sweats with no back pocket when I did need it. I can’t stand having my wallet in my back pocket now so I’m a front pocket wallet guy now."

A surprising number of people related to that one—keeping your wallet in your back pocket can put undue stress on the spine over time and makes it easier to be pickpocketed. Little things like this can make a big difference.

Not all of the responses were positive, of course. Some people picked up some unhealthy habits, too. But the pandemic pause gave us a disruption that enabled big shifts in behavior or habit, which many people are still benefiting from. While we definitely wouldn't wish to go through all of that again, it's nice to know that some good came out of it.


Modern Families

A comic from The Oatmeal illustrates how we're missing the mark on happiness

I do the things that are meaningful to me, even if they don't make me "happy."

By Matthew Inman/The Oatmeal. Used with permission.

How to Be Perfectly Happy


Matthew Inman is the Eisner Award-winning author of The Oatmeal. He's published six books, including New York Times Best-Sellers such as "How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You"and "The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances."He enjoys running marathons, writing comics, and eating cake.

You can read more of Matthew's comics here.




Comic by Matthew Inman/The Oatmeal. Used with permission.

























More comics from The Oatmeal:When your house is burning down, you should brush your teeth.



My dog: the paradox



It's going to be okay.

More comics from The Oatmeal:

It's going to be okay.


This article originally appeared on 12.02.16