upworthy

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A woman learns a harsh truth about her friends.

A significant part of adulthood is realizing that many uncomfortable truths are indeed real, even if we wish they weren’t. At first, these harsh truths may dampen our spirits and make us feel that the world is a bit colder. However, understanding some of life's hard lessons opens us up to greater possibilities and can help us overcome the obstacles holding us back.

Harsh truths help us realize when relationships aren’t as great as they can be. They also prevent us from having too much faith in people and institutions that will ultimately disappoint us. Knowing dark truths can also help us appreciate the things that are truly beautiful, honest, and good. A Redditor named Rare_Can_5418 asked the AskReddit forum, “What difficult truths, the sooner you accept them, the better your life will be?” and received over 6,500 responses. Many of them were centered around harsh truths about relationships and the fact that even if we do our best in life, we can still end up with the short end of the stick.



The key is to keep going and never let failure get you down.

Here are 15 of the “difficult truths” that made people’s lives a lot better.

1. Stop comparing yourself

"There will always be someone better looking, better educated, younger, more experienced, more intelligent or wealthier than you. Do your best, live without regret, have empathy and kindness, give when you can, expecting nothing in return. Focus on your heart value more than what others have."

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

2. Some people won't like you

"You can be sweetest, juiciest peach on the tree. But some people don't like peaches."

"In Spanish, there's a saying: 'Nadie es moneda de oro para que lo quiera todo el mundo,' which translates to something like nobody is a gold coin to be liked/wanted by everyone else."

3. Things are just things

"They don’t have feelings. They don’t care if you give them away or sell them or throw them out. If a thing is useful, keep it. If not, get rid of it."

Psychologists refer to perceiving that inanimate objects have feelings as anthropomorphizing. Psych Central says that humans project feelings onto objects to relate to them more deeply. "People generally anthropomorphize to make sense of events and behaviors they experience. Further, attributing emotions, attitudes, mental states, faces, and values to non-human things can help you feel connected to something," Sarah Barkley writes in a PhD-reviewed article.



4. Not all friendships last

"Surprisingly though, the ones that last are not necessarily the best (or even good) ones."

"Most friendships are based on convenience, I've found. Unless two people are willing to put in a lot of effort, time and distance will do more to end a friendship than any disagreement."

5. You may be the bad guy

"You can do your best with someone and still be the villain in their story."

"One of my current favourite memes is: I don't care if I'm the villain in your story, you're the clown in mine."

6. You can't change people

"You can only help people who actually want it. If they’re not ready to change or put in the effort, there’s not much you can do. Realizing this can save you a lot of frustration and help you focus on people who actually appreciate your help."

"It’s always tough having those friends who are constantly complaining but doing nothing to address what they are complaining about. But as an adult, you just have to sit there and listen. No point in offering help to someone who isn’t asking for it. Kinda like how it’s really tough to teach someone who isn’t interested in being taught."

7. How we judge

"We judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge others by their actions."

"In psychology, this is called fundamental attribution error."

The Fundamental Attribution Error is a psychological phenomenon where we assume someone's actions reflect their personality without considering the situation. It's like when we blame someone's driving skills for being in an accident instead of the curvy road.



8. Depending on people

"Once you're an adult, there really isn't anyone you can 100% depend on except yourself. There will still be people in your life to lean on, but everyone has their limits in how they can help you."

9. Nice doesn't equal good

"Nice people aren't always good people."

"One of my bosses doesn't greet/make small talk and is known for being quite firm. He's been the most helpful throughout my most difficult period dealing with tragedy. Some people with that personality type simply get things done when you need them done without the chattering."

10. Everything is temporary

"You can suddenly lose anything and anyone at any time...and maybe all at once or in quick succession without so much warning."

11. Nobody is thinking about you

"In general, people in the real world are oblivious to you. You're not even a blip on their radar. If you're insecure about something you wear or how you look, remember: nobody cares."



12. No one is coming to save you

"No one is coming to save you, so you have to do it all yourself."

"And once you internalize this and do it, your self-esteem will be through the roof."

13. Nobody knows what they're doing

"Before i graduated high school I thought, thank god, I finally won’t have to deal with annoying obnoxious kids and I’ll be treated like an adult, I come to find out 95% of adults are worse then the actual kids, nobody knows what they’re actually doing and life is actually a big joke."

14. Love is reciprocal

"If a romantic interest is not giving you the same attention/respect you give them, they don't really care about or want you, and you're in for a world of hurt if you keep telling yourself otherwise."

15. Who's good for you?

"People who are good for you will make you feel happy, joyful, accepted, cared for, and filled with fun times, despite any differences. People who are not good for you will make you feel anxious, sad, down, slighted, judged, and never check in on you if you're not okay, and won't even bother noticing when you're not okay. Genuine people will never let you suffer in silence or watch you suffer. Stay away from those who make you feel negative emotions and thoughts."


This article originally appeared last year.

What else was he supposed to do?

Parents, not kids, are the ones making sure that deadlines are met, that everyone gets to important appointments on time, and that things generally run smoothly for the family.

At least…that’s how it’s supposed to work. But many kids find themselves in the precarious situation of having a bit more savviness than their parents. This can be particularly frustrating for young adults when their parents refuse to see them as anything more than a know-nothing child.


For one recent high school grad, that dilemma happened during a cruise to the Caribbean Islands with his punctually challenged mom and dad.

According to his viral Reddit story, the vacation was meant to celebrate his 18th birthday. This would be the family’s first cruise together, and the teenager warned his parents that it would be different than the all inclusive resorts they’re used to going to. That if they went on excursion, they’d have to “follow the schedule no matter what.”

Apparently mom and dad didn’t take the warning to heart, and got “busy shopping and bargaining with the locals.”At a loss, the son said he was heading back to the ship, and his mother waved him off.

AITA for abandoning my parents at an island in the Caribbean so I could get back to our cruise in time?
byu/ProfessionalTax7753 inAmItheAsshole

A good 45 minutes after the departure, the boy’s parents messaged him on WhatsApp, upset that he didn’t get the ship to somehow wait for them.

“I wanted to scream that they were not going to inconvenience 3,998 people because two could not understand what a schedule was,” he lamented in his post.

The parents ended up taking an expensive flight to the next port, and the rest of the trip they took their anger out on the son.

Looking to Reddit for answers, the teens concluded, “I don't know what I was supposed to do. They literally told me that they knew what they were doing.I wish I had never asked for this. They are making me miserable because I left without them.”

Hopefully the overwhelming response in support of the son’s decision made him feel better.

plane passengers

Photo credit: Canva

"Do they think if they arrive late to the airport the plane will wait around for a couple hours? This is not rocket science. It's a mode of transport, you get there on time,” one person commented.

Meanwhile, another reasoned, “This is the bit that baffles me - even if OP had tried/asked, I highly doubt the staff would have even considered delaying departure. Did OP’s parents expect him to kick down the door to the bridge and commandeer the ship until they finished shopping?”

“And if op gave up and stayed behind with them that would have been an extra plane ticket, so even more money down the drain. They should be relieved that their kid has a good head on their shoulders but no, they'd Rather blame them," another person wrote.

One astutely suspected that the boy’s parents were simply projecting their own shame about the situation onto their son, writing “I expect they are just very embarrassed that an 18 year old was smarter than them and are taking it out on them.”

Another person agreed, “Yep, projection is a major defense mechanism for people who never learned emotional regulation skills as children. ‘I messed up and can’t handle/process these feelings of anxiety, so it’s actually all YOUR fault.’”

Seems like the role of adults and child got reversed here, but hopefully this kid can take solace in knowing he made the right decision. And hopefully his parents won’t miss the boat to apologize.

Two women in a fight over money.

There are many different theories about friends and money. Some say they shouldn’t mix. Others give freely to their friends without the expectation of being paid back. A lot of this depends on your financial situation and who you choose as friends.

A recent story posted to Reddit poses an interesting debate on friendship, boundaries and the almighty dollar. It begs the question: Do we owe our friends financial assistance?

A user named Stupidinlovelesigh asked the AITH forum if she was in the wrong for being “deeply hurt” that she asked her wealthy friend for $5 and was turned down. A big reason she’s so upset is that when her friend needed help years ago, she was there for her and asked for nothing in return.


“My best friend and I have been friends for nearly 7 years. When we first met, she was struggling financially and lived paycheck to paycheck,” Stupidinlovelesigh wrote. “At one point, her car broke down and she had no transportation to work, so I would let her borrow my car and never asked her for gas money or anything in return. At the time, I was financially secure and was happy to help her out.”

money, friends, reddit

Two women in a fight over money

via Liza Summer/Pexels

Over time, their financial situations reversed. Stupidinlovelesigh was living paycheck to paycheck, and her friend, who married a millionaire, was flush with cash. In this new dynamic, Stupidinlovelesigh occasionally borrowed small amounts of money from her friend, no more than $25 and always paid her back.

However, things changed again.

“The last couple of times I asked to borrow money, she said she didn't have it, which I found odd,” Stupidinlovelesigh wrote. “But then I asked to borrow $5, and she said the same thing, and I thought it was odd that she told me she didn't have $5 to spare.”

The friend told her she had lent money to her brothers and other friends who didn’t pay her back, so she stopped lending money to people. “I replied and said that it was not fair for her to lump me in with her brothers as I have never done anything to take advantage of her,” Stupidinlovelesigh wrote. She also reminded her friend that they had a long history, and she was once the person asking for help.

“I am deeply hurt that she feels I was in the wrong, but I do not think I was the a**hole here. I understand that I am not entitled to anyone's money, borrowed or not, but when she was in my shoes, I did everything I could to help her out. I could understand if I had asked to borrow a large amount of money, but I literally asked for $5,” Stupidinlovelesigh concluded her post.

money, friends, reddit

Two women fight over money.

via Liza Summer/Pexels

The commenters were divided over who was wrong in this situation.

Some thought Stupidinlovelesigh was right to be hurt.

"The girl was driving around in her damn car for goodness sakes. I’d be hurt too if my friend, who I helped support through a very difficult time, started treating me like a beggar,” RandomDerpBot wrote. "I would 100% understand her boundary if you would take advantage of her in some way before. But you didn’t. I honestly hope I never get rich enough to be this stingy with the people I love. At least if this is truly causing a problem in her relationship she could tell you why," No_Inspection_2977 added.

Many thought the friend was correct for establishing healthy boundaries between her friends, family and money.

“People are losing perspective because of the friend’s ridiculously secure financial situation. But [Stupidinlovelesigh] isn't asking for a favor in an exceptional situation. She's using the friend as a crutch on a regular basis. Then they have the audacity to try and shame the friend for getting tired of the situation and trying to distance from it. [Stupidinlovelesigh] isn't entitled to the friend's money and certainly doesn't have the right to try and emotionally manipulate them for it,” PanserDragoon wrote.

“This isn’t over $5, though. This is over [Stupidinlovelesigh] frequently asking her friend for money. It doesn’t matter if [Stupidinlovelesigh] always pays her back. It’s that no one wants to be used for money. And the friend already has a bad taste in her mouth due to her brothers, so everyone is paying the consequences by the money well running dry to any and everyone,” Nina_Rae_____ added.

The story is an interesting study of how, when our lives change, it’s hard for our relationships to stay the same. For these two women, it seems that as their financial situations changed, they had a much harder time finding common ground. In situations like this, friends will either go their separate ways or work it out and have a stronger relationship. Let’s hope they can come to an agreement and focus on what really matters most: love and support rather than finances.

Joy

Teacher asks teen daughter to mend a student's coat and gets it back with a funny surprise

“My student was grinning when he showed me the note. He kept looking at it in class and smiling..."

Canva

Sweetness stitched into every bit of this story.

Some stories are wholesome. Others are hilarious. Others still restore some faith in humanity. This one is a combination of all three.

A teacher shared on Reddit how he took his student’s torn coat home so that his crafty daughter could mend the pocket. As he explained in his post, the student didn't seem to have the funds to fix it on his own or replace the jacket.

His daughter didn’t only sew up the jacket, but left her own cheeky bit of “11th grade advice” in note hidden in the coat’s pocket.


“Hey child, it is me, the magical coat fixer. Hope it holds up and please send it back if it doesn’t. Sorry I couldn’t make it as invisible as I hoped, but I did my best,” the note read. “Also since you’re in 8th grade (I think — I’m not 100% sure what grade my dad teaches) I thought you could use some 11th grade advice.

The note then concluded with “MIDDLE SCHOOL SUCKS. YOU’RE ALMOST FREE. YOU CAN MAKE IT. GOOD LUCK," written in all caps.

I asked one of my students who is very poor to give me his torn coat so I could bring it home for my daughter to sew. He came to class and showed me that he found this in the pocket.
byu/thedeadwillwalk inMadeMeSmile

The teacher shared in the comments that even though his student was “embarrassed at first,” he kept pulling out the note and smiling through class.

The teacher shared in the comments that even though his student was “embarrassed at first,” he kept pulling out the note and smiling through class.

Folks who read the story commended the daughter for not only helping the younger student through an act of service, but also with some encouraging words.

“Such a small act of kindness will probably be something this child carries with him for the rest of his life,” one person wrote.

“Your daughter has a HUGE heart. What a gift. ❤️” added another.

Another noted how this story hits on multiple emotional levels, writing:

“There are so many wonderful things about this. You thought to help out a kid in your class who didn't have the resources to help themselves/They weren't afraid of too proud to accept help when they need it/You know your child's skills well enough to know they could help/Not only did your kid go out of their way to help, they thought it might be nice to include a note, a word of wisdom, and a promise to keep helping in the future if needed/The kiddo who needed help recognized how special this note was and thought to share it with you/And now you share it with your internet friends!”

In an interview with TODAY.com, the teacher (who remained anonymous) shared that this kind of behavior was typical of Brianna—his daughter. And apparently, her creativity was contagious, as the little boy gave her his own handmade thank-you card.

Yep, something the biggest acts of generosity are small enough to find in a coat pocket.