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Mom shocked that fourth-grade son 'embarrassed' eating chips out of a Ziploc bag for lunch

It's easy to forget how kids that age get embarrassed over everything.

via Canva/Photos

A child is embarrassed over his lunch.

One of the hardest times in a child's life is hitting that awkward phase around 10 that lasts 'til at least, 16. A hallmark of this time is when kids become obsessed with status symbols such as clothing, shoes, bikes, technology, and even what they bring in their lunches.

Kimberly Church, a Los Angeles stylist and mother of three boys, recently discovered that her 10-year-old was embarrassed by her packing his snacks in a Ziploc bag. “News today from my fourth grader that this kind of snack is embarrassing,” she said, holding up a Ziploc bag with chips inside. “So if I'm gonna send a snack, it needs to be in, like, one of those individual single-serving bags.”

It seems that the kids at his school will shame you for having your snacks in a Ziploc bag instead of individually wrapped, branded bags. Is it because it's cheaper to buy a large bag of chips and then divvy them up, day by day, rather than buying individual bags? Who knows what goes on in the mind of a fourth-grader?

"My son told me yogurt is embarrassing, like what? Why," one viewer asked in the comments. "I remember in 3rd grade we had $.25 popcorn Friday, and all my mom had was 2 dimes and 1 nickel, and I remember crying because I wanted a quarter because I was so embarrassed," another added.

As a parent, dealing with your child’s embarrassment over their lunch is tricky. You don’t want the child to be picked on for something so trivial as the type of lunch they bring to school. Still, you also want to teach them resilience and to stick up for themselves in front of other kids.

Why do tweens and teens get embarrassed so easily?

Carl E Pickhardt, Ph.D., says that it’s crucial for parents to avoid minimizing their tween or teen’s sense of embarrassment and to think of it in adult terms. “Sometimes, to give adults an emotional reference for the teenager’s embarrassment, they can relate to I’ll ask if they ever have any performance fears, stage fright, interview anxiety, social jitters, party discomfort, or nervousness about public speaking,” Pickhardt writes for Psychology Today. “Although not exactly the same, such sensitivity to personal exposure and fear of public scrutiny may be comparable to the emotional distress that adolescent embarrassment can cause.”

cafeteria, schools, parents, awkward phase, school lunch, lunches, kids and lunchA group of kids lining up in the cafeteria.via Canva/Photos

Pickhardt adds that children of this age are easily embarrassed because they're walking the tight rope between adulthood and childhood, and it’s easy for them to act too old or too young. In this young man’s case, eating chips out of a Ziploc bag may appear to be something a younger child would do.

Tweens and teenage kids are also very conscious about violating the norms of the group and feeling included because they are trying to find their place and assert their individuality outside of their family unit. Facing rejection from their “tribe” of peers can create extreme feelings of social isolation. This age of insecurity is easily taken advantage of by marketers who are working to make their brands an important part of youth culture.

sack lunch, school lunch, apple, banana, brown bag, green apple, elementary schoolAn elementary school kid's lunch.via Canva/Photos

“Branding is about finding a group or tribe to identify with,” Chris Hudson writes at Understanding Teenagers. “The message teens hear is ‘if you have the right brand, you belong to a family that share your identification with the brand and its lifestyle/values.’”

Parents may scoff at their child coming home and feeling embarrassed about their lunch, but there is much more at play if you dig a bit beneath the surface. Tweens and teens are going through a challenging phase where fitting in is paramount because the pain of rejection and bullying is terrible. So, it’s up to parents to have some sympathy by getting in touch with their feelings when they were younger and embarrassment made them want to disappear. Church may be surprised that her son is embarrassed about his school lunch, but in the end, it’s not really about snacks; it’s a request for belonging and evidence of the incredible importance that his peer group plays in his life.

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Sephora employee recalls a 10-year-old's 'unhinged' fight with mom over $900 haul

Sephora employee Natalia Herrera says parents "who aren't parenting" are to blame for the rise of unruly "Sephora kids."

@natsodrizzy/TikTok

A Sephora employees recalls a recent meltdown that a 10-year-old shopper had.

Social media has been teeming lately with videos of young girls, otherwise known as “Sephora kids,” crowding the aisles of the well-known beauty retailer, loading up on expensive makeup and skincare products that many worry are not suitable for children.

Many parents believe that a lack of third spaces, along with the demographic being prime targets for online advertisement, as being the source of this phenomenon. And while those factors most certainly play a role, one story shared by an actual Sephora employee suggests that a lack of parental involvement is also to blame.

Recently, Natalia Herrera (@natsodrizzy on TikTok) went viral after sharing a recent “unhinged” reaction by a young girl she was ringing up. The girl, somewhere between the age of 9-11, Herrera guessed, approached her with a basket “literally overflowing” with beauty products. She then told Herrera to ring up two bottles of perfume that were held behind the register first. Those alone cost around $300.

sephora kids, sephora tiktok, sephora

Herrera's reaction to ringing up nearly $900 worth of products.

@natsodrizzy/TikTok

Much to Herrera’s surprise, the young girl instructed her to continue ringing up the other products. At this point, Herrara began to wonder where an actual parent or guardian was.

“Like…who is this little girl with?” Herrera thought to herself as she scanned nearly $900 worth of products.

At that point, the little girl nervously looked over to another register where another employee was checking out her mother and sister. She called the sister over, who nonchalantly shared that her personal haul came out to $500.

This shocked Herrera, but not nearly as much as the little girl telling her sister “I'm probably just going to use Mom's money” to take care of her hefty purchase.

However, when the little girl told her mom of the total, "the mom freaked out,” and when ordered her to take some things out, the little girl “lost her mind.” Even when she did finally acquiesce to taking off some items, the girl bluntly said “I’m not taking anything else out.”

sephora kids, sephora tiktok

“I’m sorry…who’s the mom here?"

@natsodrizzy/TikTok

Herrera, appalled that the mom tolerated that kind of behavior, stated, “I’m sorry…who’s the mom here? This is the problem…The problem is the parents because why aren't you sitting there holding your ground?"

"These iPad kids, these little girls have never heard the word 'no.' They kind of just get what they want so they can shut up and the parents can go on with their day,” she said in the clip.

Herrera had no choice but to keep watching as the heated argument unfolded. Trying to be helpful and move the situationaling, she asked the little girl if she really needed three of the same lip gloss. But that proved unsuccessful, as the girl replied, “yeah I know that there’s three.”

‘I didn’t know what to do,” Herrera shared.

After minutes of more back-and-forth, the tween ended up with a $500 total instead of $900, which the mom was okay with.

The whole debacle left Herrera with one conclusion: "These 10-year-old girls at Sephora are crazy, but what's crazier is the parents that aren't parenting,” adding that “nothing is going to change'' without more parent involvement.

@natsodrizzy these kids need to go touch some grass #sephora #fyp #sephorakids #preteens #ipadkids #ipadkidsarescary ♬ original sound - nat

In one regard, the Sephora kid craze is nothing new. Almost any adult woman can remember wanting to emulate grown-ups during their childhood—playing with makeup, wanting to shave their legs, maybe experimenting with fashion choices. As Teen Vogue contributor Fortesa Latifi eloquently points out, some of the reactions to this fairly natural phase of life could be “another way we judge and shame young girls, putting limits on their girlhood, casting their desires as silly or superfluous.”

But when it gets to the point that kids actually assume the role of a grown-up, especially in the presence of grown-ups, it’s easy to see how that can be troubling. Shaming anyone certainly isn’t the answer, but since this culture of depleted community resources and monetizing insecurities has been created by adults, it stands to reason that the onus should be on them. For parents, that might mean educating themselves and their kids about skincare, teaching them to show respect while shopping, establishing healthy boundaries and of course…prioritizing social media literacy.

sephora kids, sephora, makeup, makeup for young girls

Could they be growing up too fast?

Canva

Basically, parenting might have gone through some major glow-ups over the years, but some things remain the same.

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Health

School therapist makes a strong case for why tweens should still be playing with toys

"Stop forcing these kids to grow up so quickly."

via @PracticallySpeeching/TikTok and St Janko Ferlič/Unsplash

A mother and SLP explains why tweens need toys.

Every parent reaches the point in their kid’s life when they realize they are growing up too quickly. This feeling can get even scarier these days when it seems like tweens (ages 8 to 12) are acting more like teens.

Alexis, a mother and speech-language pathologist, recently called out this trend in a viral TikTok video that has received over 300,000 views. In the video, Alexis says parents should push back at their kids having “adult” interests at a young age and that tweens should be playing with toys.

“As a mom and school SLP, I am unsure when third, fourth, and fifth grade became sixth, seventh, and eighth grade,” she says. “But rest assured, your 8-year-old should still be playing with toys. It's okay. And as parents, we should be encouraging them to play with toys. Stop forcing these kids to grow up so quickly,” she continues.

@practicallyspeeching

There are going to be some pissed off parents in the comments, I’m sure lol #slp #slptok #teachertok #teachersoftiktok #parenttok #parentsoftiktok #elementaryschool

Just one look at Glamour’s “Best Gifts for Tweens Who Have Everything” holiday list explains everything. It suggests that young girls want Stanley Quencher cups, skincare products and manicure kits instead of American Girl dolls.

Alexis understands that we live in a new world ruled by smartphones and influencer culture, but that doesn’t mean tweens have to pay the price by losing their innocence.

“And I realize that kindergarten is now the new second grade, and that's a whole other ball of wax, but we need to be playing. You don't need to be acting 12 when you are 9,” she concluded.

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Identity

A Girl Scouts psychologist wrote a guide for parents to discuss body image. It rocks.

"Yes, Your Daughter Just Called Herself Fat," is a must-read.

@girlscouts/Twitter

What a fabulous resource

The Girl Scouts' guide to help parents talk to their daughters about weight and body image is kind of amazing.

The guide, titled "Yes, Your Daughter Just Called Herself Fat," written by Girl Scouts’ developmental psychologist, Andrea Bastiani Archibald, includes a step-by-step look at responding to your child should they come home one day from school saying, "I'm fat."

First of all, it breaks down just how prevalent fat-shaming is in our culture:

"According to studies, a whopping 80 percent of 10-year-olds are afraid of being fat. Why? Because they’re constantly surrounded by both subtle and direct messages that curvier or heavier girls aren’t as well liked, aren’t as likely to succeed in business, and in general, aren’t going to have as much fun or happiness in their lives."

Second of all, it explains why the knee-jerk response "You're not fat. You're beautiful!" that so many of us have actually isn't helpful.

Honestly, this part is so good that I'm just going to include the whole thing (which in its own awesome way, features the only reference to "The Dress" that won't make you want to scream):

"[I]f she really sees her body in a certain way, simply telling her to stop seeing it that way isn’t going to help much. Remember that infamous dress on social media a few years back that some people thought was blue and some thought was gold—and how frustrating it was when those who saw it differently insisted that you were seeing it wrong and tried to get you to see it their way? That’s kind of how your girl is going to feel when you tell her that her body simply isn’t the way she thinks it is.
...by essentially telling her that she's not fat, she's pretty, you're reinforcing the idea that fatter, rounder, curvier or heavier bodies aren't beautiful — which simply isn't true. There are endless ways to be beautiful, and your daughter will grow up with a much healthier relationship to her body if you teach her that in a genuine way from a young age."

This is such an important message that we don't hear often enough. Calling someone fat isn't bad because being fat is inherently bad, but it is bad to call someone fat as an insult because it implies that there's something wrong with larger bodies.

Fat is just another type of body, andall types of bodies are OK.

The guide also features some great steps parents can take if their daughters feel negatively about their body fat.

1. Don't assume you know where she's coming from.

"A better approach is to pause for a moment and ask your daughter why she thinks she’s fat," the guide advises. "Is it because her clothes are fitting differently than they used to or that a size she used to wear doesn’t feel comfortable anymore?"

Maybe her discomfort has to do more with the bodies of her classmates or what she's seeing in the media. Or maybe she is fat, and really just needs you to tell her that's OK too. Getting to the root of what's causing body image issues is an important first step.

Again, the guide warns against those knee-jerk reactions: "If she says she thinks her legs are bigger or her tummy is rounder than those of her friends, those may actually be correct observations — and there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that."

2. Set a good example for her!

Kids pick things up from their parents all the time and internalize those messages even if parents aren't trying to pass them on. This is just as much about setting a good example as anything else.

"Another reason your girl might call herself fat is because she’s heard you do the same to yourself," reads the guide. "Your daughter listens to everything you say — and if you’re picking yourself apart in front of the mirror or complaining about your weight, there’s a good chance that she’ll follow in your self-disparaging footsteps."

That means giving yourself a bit of a break too. Just as you don't want her to have to try to live up to unrealistic beauty standards, remind yourself that you don't have to either.

"Identify parts of your body that serve you well and make note of the things you really do love about the way you look," says the guide. "Healthy habits like eating right and exercise are good for everyone and should be a daily part of your routine, but fixating on your body and how it could or should be different isn’t healthy for anyone."

3. Pay attention to the kind of media she's consuming and make sure she's seeing a variety of body types being celebrated.

TV, movies, and advertising are chock-full of messages meant to instill shame around body appearance, especially in girls and women. A bit of emotional counterprograming can go a long way. For example, check out the upcoming children's book "Glitter Stripes"; and for older girls, Hulu's "My Mad Fat Diary," Melissa McCarthy's performance in "Ghostbusters," and Chrissie Metz in "This Is Us," and Lynn Champlin on "My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" are great body-positive/fat-positive representations in the media.

Video of plus-size blogger posted on Girl Scouts Twitter page below:

The guide advises parents to "go the extra mile to compensate for some of the less-healthy messages your daughter may be getting from other sources" by exposing them to accomplished women of all shapes and sizes.

"She needs to know you don’t have to be a certain size or shape to make it big in life."

This guide is just one of the many phenomenal parenting resources you can find on the Girl Scouts website.

Other topics include how to raise your children to be leaders, how to stand up to bullying, and how to be the best they can be in school. They're all great in their own ways, but the body image article stands out especially.

Thanks to the Girl Scouts, parents can now feel equipped to handle this potentially difficult conversation.

This article originally appeared on 06.19.17

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