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Wil Wheaton's locker room story shows exactly why homophobic jokes are a problem

One of the great rules of comedy is punch up, not down.

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Wil Wheaton | Wil Wheaton speaking at the 2018 Phoenix Comic… | Flickr

Comedy can be uplifting. And it can also be downright destructive. The rise of cancel culture has made us take a hard look at what we normalize for the sake of a good joke. And with Dave Chappelle’s controversial comedy special, that includes jokes which can be perceived as cruel or homophobic jabs by the LGBTQ community and allies.

At the same time, comedy is supposed to be disruptive, is it not? It’s meant to be audacious, bawdy, outrageous. And let’s not forget it’s often said sarcastically, meaning we don’t really believe what what's being said … right?

Wil Wheaton has previously given a brilliant take on how to separate the art from the artist. This time though, he’s confronting the art itself and what makes it problematic.

“For anyone who genuinely doesn't understand why I feel as strongly as I do about people like Chappelle making transphobic comments that are passed off as jokes, I want to share a story that I hope will help you understand, and contextualize my reaction to his behavior.”

Wheaton started off his story by sharing how he used to play ice hockey when he was 16, and one night enjoyed a warm welcome as a guest goalie. After a fun practice, Wheaton joined his teammates in the locker room.

“Before I tell you what happened next, I want to talk specifically about comedy and how much I loved it when I was growing up… One of the definitive comedy specials for me and my friends was Eddie Murphy's Delirious, from 1983. It had bits that still kill me… Really funny stuff.

There is also extensive homophobic material that is just…appalling and inexcusable. Long stretches are devoted to mocking gay people, using the slur that starts with F over and over and over. Young Wil, who watched this with his suburban white upper middle class friends, in his privileged bubble, thought it was the funniest, edgiest, dirtiest thing he'd ever heard… And all of it was dehumanizing to gay men… I didn't know any better. I accepted the framing, I developed a view of gay men as predatory, somehow less than straight men, absolutely worthy of mockery and contempt. Always good for a joke…

Wil Wheaton | Wil Wheaton at the Phoenix Comicon, on the Eur… | Flickrwww.flickr.com

…A comedian who I thought was one of the funniest people on the planet totally normalized making a mockery of gay people, and because I was a privileged white kid, raised by privileged white parents, there was nobody around me to challenge that perception. For much of my teen years, I was embarrassingly homophobic, and it all started with that comedy special.”

Here Wheaton pivots back to the locker room:

“So I'm talking with these guys…We're doing that sports thing where you talk about the great plays, and feel like you're part of something special.

And then, without even realizing what I was doing, that awful word came out of my mouth. ‘Blah blah blah F****t,’ I said.

The room fell silent and that's when I realized every single guy in this room was gay. They were from a team called The Blades (amazing) and I had just ... really fucked up.

"'Do you have any gay friends?" One of them asked me, gently.

"Yes," I said, defensively. Then, I lied, "they say that all the time." I was so embarrassed and horrified. I realized I had basically said the N word, in context, and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to apologize, I wanted to beg forgiveness. But I was a stupid sixteen year-old with pride and ignorance and fear all over myself, so I lied to try and get out of it.

"They must not love themselves very much," he said, with quiet disappointment.

Nobody said another word to me. I felt terrible. I shoved my gear into my bag and left as quickly as I could.”

“That happened over 30 years ago, and I think about it all the time. I'm mortified and embarrassed and so regretful that I said such a hurtful thing. I said it out of ignorance, but I still said it, and I said it because I believed these men, who were so cool and kind and just like all the other men I played with (I was always the youngest player on the ice) were somehow less than ... I guess everyone. Because that had been normalized for me by culture and comedy.

A *huge* part of that normalization was through entertainment that dehumanized gay men in the service of "jokes". And as someone who thought jokes were great, I accepted it. I mean, nobody was making fun of *ME* that way…so…

This stuff that Chappelle did? …For a transgender person, those "jokes" normalize hateful, ignorant, bigoted behavior towards them. Those "jokes" contribute to a world where transgender people are constantly under threat of violence, because transgender people have been safely, acceptably, dehumanized. And it's all okay, because they were dehumanized by a Black man……Literally every queer person I know (and I know a LOT) is hurt by Chappelle's actions. When literally every queer person I know says "this is hurtful to me", I'm going to listen to them and support them, and not tell them why they are wrong…”

Wil Wheaton brings up some powerful points. While this is a complex issue, the insidious nature of dehumanizing jokes is pretty blatant. At some point we have to ask ourselves: Is it really worth harming someone else for the sake of a joke? When put that bluntly, the answer, I hope, is a resounding no.

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Drew Barrymore and Dylan Mulvaney share powerful moment on what they've learned from their critics

“It’s beautiful when your childhood icons are actually decent people."

The Drew Barrymore Show/YouTube

Drew Barrymore speaks with Dylan Mulvaney

Drew Barrymore has been part of our public lives for more than 40 years. And while she has millions of fans, you're bound to pick up some critics along the way.

These days, it's easy to dismiss any sort of criticism as out of bounds, be it sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia and so on.

Which is why it's easy to understand why one might assume that's where Barrymore was going in her interview with trans influencer and activist Dylan Mulvaney.

Instead, the pair shared a powerful exchange, even kneeling on the floor where Barrymore felt the intimacy of their moment would be "safer." They broke down what they've learned from their critics and how they've learned to move beyond other kinds of criticism that are only designed to cause harm.


Mulvaney sat down with Barrymore to discuss the inspiration behind her “365 Days of Girlhood” series, where Mulvaney posts daily social media videos documenting her transition.

Mulvaney acknowledged that she did receive some feedback from fellow trans celebrity Laverne Cox about how Mulvaney was handling her public transition. "She said to keep something private for myself," Mulvaney said. "And I couldn't agree more in the way that there were a few moments this year where I was like, 'Was I actually ready to say that?' But now, since meeting her, and having that moment, I go, 'Okay, what would Laverne do?' and I have actually stopped myself from making a few videos to make sure I was actually ready to talk about those things."

Mulvaney then went on to explain that even when keeping some things private, she also tries to consider what her growing audience of fans gains from her videos.

“I think about if I was following myself on TikTok as a young kid, what would I want to hear?” Mulvaney told Barrymore, adding that the amount of support she has received was a complete surprise.

“I figured when I came out that I might have to go into hiding and then do all my surgeries privately and change my name and instead decided, hey, let me see if the world is willing to accept me this way from day one, and they did,” she said.

When asked how she dealt with negative comments online towards herself and the trans community, Mulvaney shared, “I think the greatest weapon that I can contribute is trans joy…I’m not somebody that is trying to do anything but be myself and be happy.”

Towards the end of the segment, Barrymore got on her knees to get closer to Mulvaney while explaining her own approach to handling criticism, comparing film reviews to today’s social media (“You are pretty much guaranteed a 50-50, some like it, some don’t.”) and going so far as to say her worst critic is still often herself.

The two sat on the floor together and shared a hug just before going to a commercial break.

“Thank you for joining me on the floor. The floor always feels safer,” Barrymore said.

While some people took issue with the exchange, in particular finding offense at Barrymore "kneeling" before Mulvaney (a quickly debunked claim), the exchange was in reality a positive, unifying example of how we can learn from some criticism while understanding when it's better to simply let the outside voices go.

And it's not like it's the first time Barrymore has used her show to go deeper.

As one person was quick to point out, this is not the first time Barrymore has demonstrated this gesture and even provided pictures to prove it.

Actress Laura J Silverman, who claimed to work with Barrymore, attested that this kind of behavior was simply her MO.

“I worked with Drew Barrymore once and she really is that person—lovely, kind, generous, genuine; open hearted, interested, fun. Full of life. A lot of people would do well to emulate that.”

Others were quick to defend Barrymore’s actions, saying it spoke more to her humanity than anything else.

“Drew Barrymore is a sweet, honest, kind, human being who puts empathy, compassion, and the comfort of others first,” one person wrote.

“It’s beautiful when your childhood icons are actually decent people who care about Queer people,” another added.

You can watch the full video below.

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Trans doctor says major insurance companies are refusing to pay her after legal name change

"As long as they're denying my claims for my services on that ground, they can do that to any trans healthcare provider of any type."

Courtesy of Dr. Tiffany Najberg

Insurance companies can withhold pay for trans doctors and one doctor is fighting back.

Insurance companies can be a frustrating maze for consumers and for providers. It's not uncommon to call the number on the back of your insurance card and get a different answer every time you call with the same question. But for Dr. Tiffany Najberg, the fight with the insurance companies is a bit more personal.

Najberg is a transgender woman who has run into a multitude of problems in the insurance claims world—not as a patient, but as a provider. After changing her name legally and updating all of the required information on official websites, including the Council for Affordable Quality Healthcare and the National Plan and Provider Enumeration System, two websites insurance companies look at to verify providers' credentials and ability to practice, her claims have been denied.

In the beginning of this year-long saga, Najberg was receiving checks, but the checks were in her dead name and couldn't be cashed. After going several rounds with the insurance companies, the checks stopped coming and the insurance companies started denying her claims altogether. Of course, this prompted even more questions and frustration since Najberg updated the insurance companies with her legal name as required.

Najberg told Upworthy that on six different occasions, she and her billing company attempted to rectify the situation to no avail. These aren't small companies that may have never encountered such a request. In fact, many Americans with insurance are likely covered by one of the companies she's currently challenging. "Human, Cigna and Aetna flat out refused, but Medicaid, BlueCross BlueShield changed it immediately so it clearly has been approved through national databases," Najberg said.

The insurance companies' refusal to pay has been hurting Najberg and her practice, UrgentEMS, located in Shreveport, Louisiana. "My clinic treats everyone, but we aim towards communities that are underinsured and uninsured. I don’t have money to pay my rent next month because of this," the doctor told Upworthy.

Najberg explained that between the three major insurance companies, she is currently owed nearly $200,000 in unpaid claims. Of course, she could turn patients who have these particular insurances away, but for Najberg, that's not an option because she focuses on serving those who are underinsured and people in marginalized communities. She currently has over 100 trans patients who need continued healthcare with someone who makes them feel safe.

During the height of the pandemic, her clinic served as a place where people could get COVID-19 treatment, with Najberg proudly saying she treated everyone across the political spectrum. Najberg has built such a reputation on TikTok for her openness and ability to present public health issues in a relatable way that CDC officials have contacted her for pointers on how to engage the public.

But none of that matters if she can't keep her doors open, and the fear that comes from recognizing that possibility keeps her up at night. Through tears, Najberg expressed her concerns for the most vulnerable population she treats, saying, "I'll likely have to sleep in my car, and what about my trans patients? If my clinic closes, a few of them may kill themselves."

Dr. Najberg runs a clinic in Shreveport, Louisiana.

Courtesy of Dr. Tiffany Najberg

Najberg actually found herself in the position to lose everything last month after once again not being paid, but thankfully someone anonymously paid the rent on her office space, which costs around $5,000 a month. Recently, she has relied on donations from her followers in order to keep her doors open until she wins her fight with the insurance companies.

During the interview, Najberg informed Upworthy that one insurance company is now complying. "Aetna has started processing all the back claims and a new contract has been signed. I have no retirement anymore. I have no savings. I’ll never own property. For a lifetime to be wiped away over a name change is ridiculous," Najberg said.

A name change isn't uncommon. People change their names for multiple reasons, the main one being marriage, so it would stand to reason that insurance companies know how to navigate name changes within their system. What makes this name change so different if other companies had no issue?

It took Najberg months of phone calls to find out the reason for her denials was due to her name change and she was advised to submit under her dead name. But submitting an insurance claim under a different name than your own is insurance fraud and kind of illegal, she protested.

For Najberg, who's had a lifelong passion for helping people, the fight isn't just for herself.

"If they’re doing this to me, they have to be doing this to other people. If they get away with this, they’ll do it to other trans providers," Najberg told Upworthy.

If you'd like to support Dr. Tiffany in her fight against the insurance companies, you can sign her petition here, and if you'd like to donate to help her pay rent and get needed medical supplies, you can do that here.

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Equality

San Francisco unveils major plan to combat homelessness amongst city's transgender community

America's housing crisis needs more creative solutions like this.

Image collage via Wikicommons

San Francisco Mayor London Breed announced a new plan to combat homelessness amongst the transgender community

Home is somewhere to lay your head down at night without worry that someone will steal all of your worldly possessions. Home is where people start families and make lifelong memories. Having a place to go home to every night is safety. Safety from the elements and safety from other people who may mean you harm.

And there's almost nothing more quintessentially American than owning a home. Yet, the reality is America does poorly with keeping people housed. Homelessness is a growing problem across the country, especially with the lack of affordable housing and wages that don’t always meet the minimum basic needs.

And the rates of homelessness among transgender people are higher than average with 8% of trans adults experiencing homelessness compared to 1% of cisgender straight adults, according to UCLA School of Law Williams Institute.

To help remedy the problem in her city, the mayor of San Francisco, London Breed, announced a plan to allocate $6.5 million toward an initiative to end homelessness of transgender people in the city.

The multiyear plan would see an end to trans homelessness by 2027. Transgender people face more discrimination, including when securing housing, than their cisgender counterparts. While this is unfair, it’s not particularly surprising when you consider the legislation around what bathrooms trans people can use. It’s not a far reach to assume they likely have difficulty finding a homeless shelter that will accept them based on their identified gender. Safety would also be a large component even if there was no discrimination in sheltering trans individuals.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

"Transgender, nonbinary, and gender nonconforming San Franciscans are 18 times more likely to experience homelessness compared to the general population, and we know that the rates are even higher for our minority trans communities," Breed said in a statement. "With one of the largest TGNC populations in the country, we not only must ensure that all San Franciscans have access to housing and essential resources through continued investments, but we can show the country that we continue to be a leader on supporting and protecting our trans communities."

America has not been kind to gender nonconforming people, especially people that identify as trans. It almost seems like it's acceptable to treat transgender people poorly. It needs to stop. If we are silent when injustice is present, our silence is the loudest voice in the room.

Photo by Delia Giandeini on Unsplash

Breed’s proposed plan would include at least 150 long-term housing subsidies through the city's already established Flexible Housing Subsidy Pool program. It would also fund short-term rental subsidies, flexible financial assistance and support to build the capacity of nonprofits serving transgender and gender nonconforming people. The budget plan is extensive and will include planning for housing for LGBTQ youth who are at a transitional age.

Housing should not be reserved for those who society deems appropriate based on lack of knowledge and biases. Transgender people who are experiencing homelessness deserve a place to call home just as much as the next person. It’s not clear if this announcement was timed just in time for Pride Month, but it sure feels fitting.

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