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toxic masculinity

Men's Health

Men share ridiculous ways their masculinity was questioned

Reading isn't manly, seriously?

Photo by Yogendra Singh on Unsplash

Is it manly enough to cradle a puppy?

Okay, we’ve come a long way in terms of rethinking gender norms. Fashion is less rigidly conforming (you’ve seen the man who rocks pencil skirts and stilettos, right?). More men are flourishing in jobs traditionally performed by women. And perhaps most importantly, there is a growing number of male support groups that encourage heartfelt communication and emotional well-being. That said, there still remain quite a few outdated belief systems when it comes to how we define masculinity.

Case in point, a recent Reddit thread sparked by the question: “Men of Reddit, what was the most ridiculous reason why someone questioned your masculinity?” Some of these answers are indeed head scratchers. Others are flat-out offensive. Here are 10 of the most egregious accounts:


1. Reading

men who readPhoto by Dollar Gill on Unsplash

“I was reading a book on my lunch break while I was working construction, and got a bunch of sh*t about reading being for women.” – Middle-Eye2129

“Went from women not being allowed to read to reading being only for women... what a world.” – Comprehensive-Ad4566

2. Practicing the most basic of safety measures

men of redditGiphy

One person wrote that their masculinity was questioned for “wearing gloves while welding.”

Because having all fingers intact makes you less of a man? Um … what?

Wear your gloves and fasten your safety belts, gentlemen. It’s okay. I'm pretty sure The Rock does.

3. Not eating the right foods

gender fluidGiphy

“Had a friend give another friend shit because he wanted to eat a corn dog. He said grown ass men don’t eat corn dogs. Any man should understand.” – mondayortampa

It’s not just because of the distinct shape of certain foods garnering the “unmanly” label, either. See below:

“My dad got sh*t from a guy he was working with because he was eating a plain bagel with butter on it and drinking chocolate milk because the guy said it’s childish. Dad never cared and just laughed at the guy for being an idiot. Who wouldn’t like that combo? It’s a great thing to eat!” – WhatsUpFishes

“My husband bought some of our homegrown raspberries into work to share and a guy he works with said they were ‘girl food.’ It must be so exhausting to have to gender your food.” – Pepperfig_clover

4. Or drinking the right drinks

gender normsPhoto by Atikh Bana on Unsplash

“Went to a Mexican restaurant and we waited at the bar before we could get a table. This place has awesome strawberry blended margaritas so I got one. Apparently lime = straight, strawberry = gay.” – Thirty_Helens_Agree

5. Appreciating cleanliness

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“I've had both women I just started dating, and male acquaintances who have thought my clean apartment was an indication I was gay.” – NorCalDustin

6. Using pink … anything

men wearing pinkwww.publicdomainpictures.net

“At work I gave a guy a report and it had a pink paperclip on it.

He asked me why I gave him a pink paperclip. I told him I just grabbed one. He then asked why I had a pink paperclip - I told him I had a rainbow pack.

Then he wanted to know why, when I saw it was pink, I didn't throw it away. He told me I shouldn't use pink paperclips [because] ‘people might have questions.’” – Everyday_Im_Stedelen

“About 30 years ago, they came out with neon string lines. As I work construction, I am constantly using string to ensure things are straight. By far, the brightest of the strings was a pink one.

So, I was constantly chided by the crew for having a pink string. This only happened until it started getting closer to dusk, at which point they all wanted to borrow my string.” – Dioscouri

7. Not applying deodorant in a ‘manly way’

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“Somebody once told me I wasn't applying deodorant manly enough.” – PearSB

“How do you apply deodorant in a manly manner?” – The_One_True_Disease

“You set fire to the can and let it explode behind you as you look epically to the camera.” – Astrophobia42

8. Being kind

rethinking masculinitycommons.wikimedia.org

“Got accused of being gay for being nice to people in the dive bar I go to... I guess it's not masculine to be nice to people.” – pgh613

9. Having daughters

dads and daughtersPhoto by Bermix Studio on Unsplash

“When I was pregnant, with a girl, someone said to me, in front of my husband, ‘a real man would’ve given you a boy.’” – badmamathree

“Someone should have said that to Henry VIII.” – BaldingMonk

“Why do you think there was a protestant movement?” – ArthurBonesly

10. Allowing a woman to do manly things

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“I was taking a break from driving a forklift and a woman asked if she could drive it (she was qualified to drive it so this wasn't just a random question from a random person.) I agreed and this one guy got so offended that I let a woman take over driving the forklift from me. This was back when ‘mancard’ was a thing so he of course said I needed to turn in my mancard for that.

Unsurprisingly, it turns out this guy got offended at all kinds of things all the time though. If he thought someone wasn't doing something the "right" way, he would rant and whine about it.” – BrickFlock

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Fatherhood

Man takes son for father-son dates to the nail salon and it's the sweetest relationship

Boys deserve gentle moments too.

De'Brence McClain|Instagram

Man's non-traditional father-son dates take over the internet

Spending time bonding with your kids can be really special for both parent and child. It can mean even more to the parent if they didn't have the best example of a parent growing up. Some parents may even find it healing to their inner child to be the kind of parent they wished they had like dad, De'Brence McClain.

McClain has gone viral several times on Instagram for his posts taking his 4-year-old son on father-son dates to places outside of the typical male identified activities. They do all sorts of things together, from going to McDonald's to going to buy themselves flowers just because. But they recently went viral for going to the nail salon to get manis and pedis.

Sure, lots of boys go to grab fast food with their dads, but it's the salon visits and other activities that people associate with "girl things," that get people's attention.

"I grew up just not having my father in my life like 100% of the time, so I just wanted to be a part of my son's life. I just felt like it's something that I could do," McClain tells Good Morning America in a recent interview.

Showing parents that there's another way to parent boys, breaking the binary thinking mold has sparked conversation in his comments.

"This is so awesome to see a father modelling [sic] healthy masculinity that includes good self-care routines, including feet and nail care!!! Too many older men have such nasty feet and nails because they were taught that good hygiene for some areas isn’t masculine!! Keep Teaching, Dad," someone tells McClain.

"Gosh this is Truly Absolutely Beautiful 4 Sure cause Giving your Son Different Experiences is Gonna Enrich His Life Immensely n so here’s to Being a Great Dad," another person writes completing the sentence with a crown.

"Thank you—so healing to see nurturing masculinity! What a good dad and good man you are," a commenter gushes.

"Men dismantling toxic masculinity with their sons and building trust, understanding, kindness... I love this for them," someone proclaims.

Who needs toxic masculinity when the magical massage chairs at nail salons work the same when men sit in them, too? These are definitely core memories that will help his son not only be more willing to try new things but know how to practice self care.

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Heroes

Study suggests that more men would recycle if it were seen as 'manly'

"Make the man feel manly, and he’s more likely to go green."

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Environmentalism needs men to pick it up.

Environmentalism, it turns out, might have a bit of a gender gap: Women tend to recycle more and leave less carbon and litter behind.

So how do we fix this? According to a Scientific American article, if we want men to make better decisions, we need to make going green feel manly.

The authors of the article were a group of researchers who conducted a series of experiments involving over 2,000 US and Chinese participants. According to their results, everyone seems to view certain green behaviors (like carrying a reusable shopping bag) as inherently more feminine.

Furthermore, when men were confronted with stereotypically feminine environmental messaging — like asking them to imagine using frilly pink gift cards to buy lamps, batteries, or backpacks — male participants apparently overreacted and pushed back by buying less environmentally-friendly options.

Men, it seemed, were effectively throwing the environmental baby out with the floral-scented bathwater.

But the authors say this can change. In further experiments, they revealed that re-enforcing traditionally masculine ideas could undo this effect. One experiment showed that men at a car dealership in China were more interested in purchasing a hybrid vehicle when ads for it included "manly" language. Another showed that men were more likely to donate money to the fictitious, uber-manly, howling-wolf-logo'd "Wilderness Rangers" non-profit, rather than one named "Friends of Nature."

"Make the man feel manly, and he’s more likely to go green," the article concludes.

The psychology of gender is, of course, very complicated, so there are no doubt more questions here that need to be answered, but if our goal is to help people go greener at the grocery store, ideas like this could be worth listening to.

This article originally appeared on 12.28.17

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Family

Mom refuses to clean the bathroom after her husband tells their sons to pee standing up

She has a good point.

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Who would want to clean that up?

There are only a few reasons why a man would cling so hard to maintain the right to stand while peeing, and they’re all far from logical. After all, sitting while urinating is not only less messy, it could prevent certain health issues.

One reason could just come down to sheer laziness. Standing while peeing is a habit so deeply ingrained one simply can’t be bothered to try new things. Or it’s quicker and easier, though that also seems debatable.

But the other, more prevailing cause is that peeing while standing up is so closely linked with the notion of masculinity. Because…it’s how the cowboys did it in the Wild West, I guess?

Saying (or writing) these things out loud, it’s easy to see how ridiculous these arguments are, especially when other people are left to clean up afterward. Urine is bound to go at least a little astray, even with the best of aimers. Put children into the equation, and you’re basically dealing with Jackson Pollock.


This is why one mom is taking a stand against the pee stand. Over on Reddit’s Am I The A**hole forum, she shared how her kids previously had zero issues peeing while sitting down.

“After we potty trained our sons I kept making sure that they were sitting to pee,” her post explained. “They are young and don't really care. They can use a urinal when we are out somewhere.”

Everything was fine until the woman's brother-in-law came to visit and took issue with the arrangement. He started “bugging” his brother about his nephews sitting to pee. So her husband pulled an about-face and began telling the boys that when they only pee, they should stand.

AITA for changing the chores unilaterally since my husband wants the boys to stand to urinate.
by u/NoTangerine5335 in AmItheAsshole

And that’s when the trouble started.

“The boys don't have great aim but they make up for it with a short attention span,” the poster quipped. Though she usually stuck to using her own bathroom, after a few days she ventured into the kid’s bathroom and, to no one’s surprise, “it was gross.”

This prompted the mom to initiate a new cleaning routine. Her post concluded, “When my husband got home I told him that he picked up a new chore. He now has to clean the toilets, floors, and walls in the bathrooms the boys are using. He said that it wasn't his turn. I said it was his idea for the boys to stand to pee so he had to deal with the consequences.”

via GIPHY

The verdict was fairly unanimous: This woman was NOT the a-hole. In fact, lots of other women felt the same kind of frustration and met it with similar retaliation.

“I will never understand why it's socially acceptable for boys and grown a** men to spray bathrooms like tom cats because they choose to stand to urinate,” one person wrote. “It's unnecessary and unsanitary. Either aim better, clean up after yourself, or sit.”

“I told my husband that I didn't sign up for cleaning his piss off the toilet and floor for the next 50 years,” added another. “He has been sitting ever since. Somehow he's still a man after over a year of sitting to pee!”

Luckily, peeing while sitting down is starting to be viewed as something beneficial rather than emasculating, as more men worldwide adopt the practice. Perhaps even more would be on board if they were responsible for clean-up.

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