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Mom points out the unspoken, 'unfair' part of having kids who travel for sports

Parents whose children participate in elite travel ball leagues can spend up to $12,000 annually on fees, equipment, hotel rooms and gas.

via Casey Kelley (used with permission) and Vince Fleming/Unsplash

Casey Kelley shares her thoughts on kids in travel sports.

Parents whose children participate in elite travel ball leagues can spend up to $12,000 annually on fees, equipment, hotel rooms and gas. One mother, Casey Kelley, from Alabama, has spoken out, saying that if parents spend all of that money and time, their children should get to play in games. Kelley's daughter plays on a club volleyball team.

According to the latest Aspen Institute survey, the average American family spends $883 per year for a single child to play one primary sport. Project Play also points out that the cost of playing various youth sports can fluctuate great. For example, their 2022 report reveals that it costs an average $1,188 per year for a child to play soccer and $714 for baseball. As Jersey Watch writes, those numbers have come down a bit since the pandemic but are still cost prohibitive for many American families trying to make ends meet. What's even more frustrating is that those high prices don't even guarantee participation in games for children. A family can literally spend thousands of dollars all for the experience of having their child sit on a bench watching their peers actually get to participate.

The topic was inspired by a conversation she had with other volleyball parents who agreed that every kid should get a decent amount of playing time. “I’ll tell you what I think. I think, if you’re paying to be there, so it's not like high school sports, I think everyone should have the opportunity to play because this is a developmental league ... and they’re there to develop and to learn,” she explained in a TikTok video.

“Especially if these parents are paying thousands of dollars for them to be in the league and then traveling, spending money on hotels for their kid to sit there and maybe play a minute or two the whole weekend. I think it’s unfair,” she continued.



@caseyjkelley

What do you think? #travelball #clubsport #athlete #kids #mom #question


It's reasonable for Kelley to believe that spending a lot of money and traveling all over the map only to watch your kid play for a few minutes feels pointless. However, a lot of parents disagreed with her in the comments.

"You pay for practice. Playing time is earned," Nathan Sullins wrote.

"Absolutely not. If you want fair playing time you play rec ball. Travel ball playing time is performance based," another user wrote.

travel ball, volleyball, youth sports, travelball, parenting, finance, sportsYoung girls line up to play volleyballImage via Canva

But these parents haven’t changed Kelley’s mind.

“I’m not opposed to kids earning their spot or the best kids playing more, but I feel that every kid who makes the team should at least have some playing time,” she told Upworthy. “I know it’s not a popular opinion, but it’s how I currently see it.”

Kelley further explained the story in a follow-up video.



@caseyjkelley

Clarification post and the last one on this topic #travelball #athlete #travelballparents #clubsport #parenting


What do you think?

This article originally appeared last

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Stay-at-home mom shares her life 'without the filters' and parents everywhere can relate

"Let me walk around my house and make you feel better about yours."

via Emily Feret/TikTok

Emily Feret wants to "normalize being normal."

In the age of social media, it’s easy for moms to feel bad about themselves. Given the “positivity bias” of social media, parents are much more likely to share idealized pictures of their families that make everyone else feel like they’re the only ones who don’t have it together. A study published in “Computers in Human Behavior” found that being confronted with “idealized motherhood” can increase anxiety and put unnecessary pressure on your mental health.

“And interestingly, it didn’t matter if the idealized portrayal was from a social media influencer [a “mommy influencer”] or an average Instagram user [an “everyday mom”],” the study’s author Dr. Ciera E. Kirkpatrick writes. “Idealized content from either of these sources had the same negative effect—indicating that anyone putting out idealized motherhood content like this can have harmful effects on new moms. It’s not just a problem with influencers,” Dr. Kirkpatrick continues.

One stay-at-home mom is doing her best to make everyone feel better about the chaos that comes with having children. TikTokker Emily Feret has earned over 1 million followers on the platform because of her videos that aim to "normalize being normal."

In one of her posts, she shows you what a “normal” person's fridge looks like. "You guys love these, I like to normalize being normal, life without the filter. So I'm gonna show you my fridge so you can feel better about yours,” Feret says in the video.

@emilyjeanne333

THE FRIDGE #WorthTheWait #normalizechaos #normalizenormal #messyhouse #fridgetour #normal #nofilter #pinterestmom #hotmessmom

In another video, she takes a walk through her house, "so you can feel better about yours." On her journey, she encounters a washing machine that doesn't work quite right, a bed that isn't made properly and a massive stack of toilet paper she keeps in her hallway.

Feret also provides support for mothers who feel overwhelmed.

“The mess isn’t going to go anywhere. You have young kids. You’re at home all the time. You’re living in your home. It’s going to look lived-in, and that’s okay,” she said. “Your kids are little. Enjoy them. Love them.”

“I want you to know that you’re doing enough by doing exactly what you’re doing right now,” she added.

@emilyjeanne333

#stitch with @marandaarbo I don’t know you but I see you and I love you. Breathe mama #breatheinbreatheout #nornalizechaos #nornalizemess

Feret told Parents what inspired her to share her home life on TikTok.

"I was watching all these videos and seeing all these pictures on social media of these picture-perfect houses and 'filtered lives,' and it was making me feel bad about my life," Feret told Parents. "I was not seeing any houses or moms that looked like me and my life. I wanted to show how my life is not at all like that and that you can be 'normal' and be doing a wonderful job even if your house is a mess and your kids are driving you crazy."

Feret’s videos are clearly resonating with parents because she’s had over 38 million likes on TikTok. She can’t believe the success that she’s had being “normal” but is happy she can help mothers like herself.

“All I have ever wanted to do is to help other people. The response has been overwhelming. I have people sending me gifts and celebrities commenting on my posts. It’s incredibly surreal,” she told Motherly. “I wanted other moms, and really anyone out there, that if their life does not look like an Instagram post it doesn’t mean you aren’t doing well.”


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Mom has 4 big reasons why people shouldn’t 'shame' parents who send their kids to daycare

"I see her more than her daycare teacher sees her."

via Canva

Children playing at a daycare

There’s a popular sentiment among some stay-at-home parents and those with a family member taking care of their kids that it’s better than sending them to daycare. One common criticism is that parents who send their kids to daycare are letting other people raise their children.

This causes many parents to feel ashamed that they can’t be there for their children during the day.

However, Veronica, a mother of two, believes that stay-at-home moms who shame those who send their kids to daycare must stop perpetuating this myth because there are some great benefits that kids get out of daycare.

Veronica shared why that “narrative” needs to be reconsidered in a viral TikTok video with over 56,000 views.

@vfrieds

Giving parents guilt for daycare is CRAZY #daycare #momguilt #workingmom #daycarelife #workingparent

“I hate the narrative that if you send your kids to daycare, you're not raising them,” Veronica begins the video. “And people are like, ‘Oh, you know, we made some sacrifice. My kid used to have fun at Water Day, but now we go to the water park together’ and she's better for it,’” she said.

Then she shared four big reasons why parents need to stop daycare-shaming.

1. Not all parents can stay home

“One, that's not an option for every family. So, stop making moms feel like crap because they send their kids to daycare.”

2. Kids have fun at daycare

"Two, my kid freaking loves Water Day and daycare. In fact, she gets pissed when I pick her up 'cause she's having fun with her friends.'"

3. Kids learn a lot at daycare

“Three, she's so smart because they teach her so many things there. So smart.”

4. You don’t have to be either/or

“Like, I'm instilling morals with her. I see her more than her daycare teacher sees her. I can raise her and she can still have fun at school. They're not mutually exclusive like things.”

daycare, stay-at-home moms, parentingChildren playing at a daycare.via Canva

The video's commenters were overwhelmingly on Veronica's side. The most popular comment was from a woman who mentioned that stay-at-home moms will eventually send their kids to school. "My question to all the moms that feel that way, are they planning to stop raising their kids when they start kindergarten? Like, do they think they’re just done when they start 5k?" Tayler asked.

Others shared some of the many benefits that come with going to daycare.

"It's really frustrating when people assume daycare is something negative. I often say that we WANT her in school, she's learning so much and has great social skills and independence,” Elmarie wrote. "I’m an early intervention service coordinator and kids speech and emotional skills usually improve so much when they start daycare and school,” Tay added.

Is daycare good for children?

What do the experts say? Regarding whether sending your kids to daycare is outsourcing parenting, the findings show that home life has a much more significant impact on a child’s development than daycare. “An over-arching finding in the literature is that daycare influences are less important than home influences, even for children who spend much time in daycare,” Noam Shpancer Ph.D. writes in Psychology Today.

On the negative side, research shows that the quality of the daycare is very important and that kids raised in low-quality establishments can have some behavioral problems later on. On the positive side, daycare benefits “cognitive development and school readiness” in children and especially helps low-income children from disadvantaged backgrounds.

Given the positive aspects of having children in daycare, it’s interesting that parents are still shamed for doing so. Parents like Veronica should be happy about their parenting decisions because there is little to suggest that sending their kids to one means they aren’t raising them. Ultimately, the most important thing is quality care; if a child is in good hands, it shouldn’t matter where they happen to be.

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Mom's video on why parents should give their kids adult names, not baby names, has parents debating

Over 11 million people have watched the video.

via rubyyvillarreal/TikTok and Adele Morris/Pixabay

Parents are debating over whether to give children "adult" or "baby" names.

The names we choose to give our children can significantly impact their lives. Multiple studies from across the globe have found that a person’s name can influence their employment, social and economic outcomes.

Unfortunately, humans make snap judgments about one another, and having an unusual name can lead people to make unflattering assumptions. “We’re hardwired to try to figure out in a heartbeat whether or not we want to trust somebody, whether we want to run from somebody,” Northwestern University researcher David Figlio said, according to Live Science.

However, an increasing number of parents are giving their children non-traditional names to help them stand out. “Parents are trying to be original, almost branding their kids in an era where names are viewed on the same level as Twitter handles or a website URL,” writer Sabrina Rogers-Anderson said.

Ruby, a mother on TikTok, took a hard stance on parents giving their children names that sound childish in a post that’s received over 11 million views. Ruby says she named her kids as “adults, not babies” hoping they would never “outgrow” their names.

@rubyyvillarreal

Visit TikTok to discover videos!

“The whole concept when I was trying to look for a name and choose a name for her is I did not want her to outgrow her name,” she said in the viral video. “I wanted the name to fit her as a baby, as a toddler, as a child, and into adulthood. So, it's like I really am happy with what I ended up with naming her and it just fits her so well.”

She captioned the video, “love having nicknames as they are younger and it doesn’t mean they will prefer it over their name as they get older. Just gives them options.”

People in the comments responded with modern names they think that kids will outgrow.

"My name is Koazy and I’m here for a job interview," Stalker joked. "Hello sir, I am Bluey Mason Garrison! I was called in for a job interview last Tuesday," Pastel Purr added.

"I can’t imagine knowing [a] 30-year-old named Emma or Posie," Mikey wrote.

However, a lot of people commented that names that seem like they’ll be outgrown will sound fine in the future when those names are popular with the new generation. “Kids grow up with their generation having their own names on trend. They will be normal adult names when they are grown,” Kerry wrote.

“Names grow with the generation,” Lauren added. “The name Dennis sounded like a baby name once too. Names grow up just like generations.”

@rubyyvillarreal

Visit TikTok to discover videos!

In a follow-up video, Ruby shared the names she gave her children. Her girl is named Karla Esmerelda and her boy is called Deluca.

“I just really liked how simple, how bold, and strong that the name by itself just really kind of is. Doing some research names with the letter K tend to be like very bold and powerful names, so I really wanted it with a K and not with a C,” she said.

She named her son Deluca, after a doctor on “Grey’s Anatomy.” She said she chose the name because there was nothing to connect it to, and it sounded “nice.”


This article originally appeared on 4.26.23

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