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Wellness

A professor reveals the secret of how to make 'gratitude lists' really work

"Those adults are regularly moved to tears to learn of the positive impact they had."

Photo credit: Canva

A woman crosses her arms in gratitude. A person writes a letter.

It's true that "gratitude" has become a buzzword and the very idea of it seems trite and empty to some. For others, the world might feel too chaotic at the moment to focus on the tiny, good things we're told to hang onto. But a professor of psychology at Gonzaga University gave some insight on how to make the concept of gratitude truly enhance our lives.

It's easy to take things for granted sometimes. Keeping a list of stuff we're grateful for, big and small, can certainly help put life into perspective—and not just items at the top of Maslow's hierarchy of needs (like air and water), but all along the pyramid. It can change daily from "I got good sleep last night" to "I'm glad the TV show I like is back for a new season."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

There's a guy on TikTok called David the Grateful Guy (@today.iam.grateful), and as you might have guessed, he posts clips of different things for which he's grateful. One day, he expressed his appreciation for salt. That’s it. Just salt.

@today.iam.grateful

Today I am grateful for salt! Anyone else add salt to almost everything?! #grateful #gratitude #gratitudejournal #todayiamgrateful #thankfulfor #salt #gratitudepractice

What was extra special is this short video garnered nearly 5,000 comments, binding a community together with jokes and "salt-recognition." It was the sharing of his gratitude that spread joy, more than the salt itself. Kind of like a "Oh yeah, salt IS nice." (Note: a cardiologist might not share this sentiment.)

Professor Monica Y. Bartlett, who in her own words teaches "courses on resilience and human flourishing," shares how important it is to do this. She writes in The Conversation that aside from being aware of your gratitude, "a second method for practicing is expressing that gratitude to others. This can look like writing a letter of gratitude and delivering it to someone who has made a positive impact in your life."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

This can even be a letter in retrospect for someone who has passed on. The act of expressing one's appreciation is just as important as the appreciation itself. Now, this can't always be implemented, but when it can, it might be extremely impactful. Bartlett continues, "When my students do this exercise, it often results in touching interactions. For instance, my college students often write to high school mentors, and those adults are regularly moved to tears to learn of the positive impact they had. Expressing gratitude in work settings can boost employees’ sense of social worth."

A thread, "What's something you're most grateful for?" yielded many comments on Reddit. Lots of people answered food, shelter, air, family. But a few got specific. One person vulnerably shared, "Being gay in a country that doesn't illegalize it. It's still hard, but at least I don’t have to fear for my life."

Another person answered, "Coca-Cola. I'm a simple gal," and another got more specific, "Great red wine—spend a little more than £15 a bottle—but no more than £80—and pick good company (this bit is more important than the absolute price of the wine) and you have a fantastic evening."

red wine, gratitude, friendship, clinking glasses, relaxingPeople clinking their glasses of red wine for a cheers. Photo by Kelsey Knight on Unsplash

And one commenter simply wrote, "I'm grateful to see another day." Perhaps implementing the idea of writing gratitude letters to all the people who help make them feel that way would even triple the impact of happiness. To end with Bartlett's insightful words, "In a world that may currently feel bleak, a letter of gratitude may not only help the writer recognize the good of others, but also let others know that they are making a beautiful difference in the world."

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Humor

Woman shares her pre-pandemic tattoo that 'aged like milk' almost immediately

She couldn't have timed this any worse if she tried.

via wakaflockafloccar / TikTok

The timing of this woman's tattoo could not have been worse.

It's amazing to consider just how quickly the world has changed in early 2020. One day we were all just casually going along, living our lives. And then the next day, everything was different. If you were to have told someone in February of 2020 that the entire country would soon go on some form of lockdown, nearly everyone would be wearing a mask, and half a million people were going to die due to a virus, no one would have believed you.

Yet, it happened. And in addition to changing the world as we know it, it also sparked a sharp political and cultural divide here in the United States.

PPE masks were the last thing on Leah Holland of Georgetown, Kentucky's mind on March 4, 2020, when she got a tattoo inspired by the words of a close friend.

ppe, masks, medical masks, covid, tattoo, funny, humor, pandemic, viral videosWho could have guessed that simple medical masks would become such a huge source of controversy?Giphy

"We were just talking about things we admire about each other and he said, 'You courageously and radically refuse to wear a mask,' like meaning that I'm undeniably myself. I thought that was a really poetic way of saying that," Holland told Fox 13.

So, she had "courageously & radically refuse to wear a mask" tattooed on her left forearm.

It's a beautiful sentiment about Leah's dedication to being her true self. It's also a reminder for Holland to remain true to herself throughout her life.

However, the tattoo would come to have a very different meaning just two days later when the first case of COVID-19 was reported in Kentucky. Almost immediately, everyone in the country was advised to mask up anytime they left the house. Some refused, citing their own personal freedom to do with their body as they wish. Holland had, completely inadvertently, taken sides in a massive culture war with some simple black ink on her forearm.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"It basically looked like I'm totally, you know, anti-mask or whatever, which is not the case," said Holland.

Now, she was embarrassed to be seen with the tattoo for fear she'd be associated with the anti-maskers who either deny the existence of the virus or refuse to wear a mask to protect others. Either way, it's a bad look.

So Leah started wearing long-sleeve shirts and cardigan sweaters whenever in public to cover up the tattoo.

On Monday, TikTok users asked each other to share their "dumbest tattoo" and she was pretty sure she had the winner.

@wakaflockafloccar

#stitch with @hannanicbic I could NOT have had worse timing. #fyp #foryoupage #tattoo #worsttattoo #winner P.S. I’m not anti-mask I promise 🤦🏻‍♀️

In her video response, she talks about how her tattoo was about "not pretending to be something you're not," but then revealed it to show how — in an incredibly ironic twist — it made her out to be someone she isn't.

"I just kind of wanted people to laugh with me because I think it's funny now, too," said Holland.

Plenty of people on TikTok laughed along with her with one user suggesting she update the tattoo with the phrase: "Hindsight is 2020." Another playfully accused her of "jinxing" the world and causing the virus outbreak. Another suggested adding an asterisk and "except during COVID" to the tattoo.

"I was dying laughing. I'm like, I'm glad there are people that find this as funny as I think it is," said Holland.

"It will be a funny story to tell years from now," she said. "I don't think it will ever not be a funny story."

ppe, masks, medical masks, covid, tattoo, funny, humor, pandemic, viral videosMany people continue to practice masking in public either due to being immunocompromised, or just out of precaution. Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

The pandemic has not been officially declared "over" though the "global emergency it caused is — for now." However, Holland still has to explain her tattoo. The risks associated with COVID have decreased but a fierce debate still exists about personal freedom vs responsibility to the greater good. Should you wear a mask in public when you're sick? Should you ever be required to wear a mask? How do you balance individual rights with our need to live in a cooperative society? Most won't soon forget the COVID-19 era in America and there's no doubt many will still feel passionate about those who refused to wear a mask. Just don't lump Holland in with that group because of a poorly timed, but quite beautiful, sentiment.

This article originally appeared four years ago.

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Fatherhood

People are praising this dad for the unforgettable way he responds to his son's act of violence

"My husband is raising a boy and prepping him to be a man one day."

jissel_fitts/TikTok

Dad gently explains to son why hitting others is bad.

Present fathers are a gift to kids, especially sons. One father is making his presence and guidance a priority in teaching his son about regulating his emotions when it comes to anger.

TikTok family The Fitts' (@jissel_fitts), made up of husband and wife duo Aaron and Jissell and their two children, shared an emotional video with their followers capturing a conversation between father and son. As he speaks to him, Aaron holds his little boy's head in his hands after learning he hit someone. Rather than explosively yell or demean him for hitting, Aaron calmly explains why it is not okay and how to recognize and manage his emotions better.

"This is what every little boy needs, a father to teach them about emotions," Jissell captioned the post. "As a mother, I wanted to step in but I have to constantly remind myself my husband is raising a boy and prepping him to become a man on day."

@jissel_fitts

#fyp #fypage #f #fatherson #dadsoftiktok #dadlife #blackfathers #blackfatherhood #fatherhood #breakingcycles

In the video, Aaron tells his son, "You have to learn how to control your emotions. Just because you're upset don't mean you get to hit. Do you understand?" he says. His son is visibly upset, but calmly listens to him and nods his head.

He continues, "You can't hit people because you're angry. That's a part of growing up, man. You can't just be mad because somebody said something you don't like. You hear me? Daddy was just trying to tell you."

As he explains to his son, the father strokes his head, offering physical reassurance and comfort with zero yelling. He makes constant eye contact with his son, who responds to his gentle demeanor by listening intently.

Viewers are impressed with this dad's approach.

"not all dads are calm, patient, verbal like this 😭 love this for him 🖤," one wrote.

"I love the fathers of this generation instead of telling him to man up he explains and lets his little boy have his moment of tears."

Another viewer commented, "This is so needed! Instead of yelling and demeaning words."

Another viewer pointed out, "notice how the little baby is playing his dads beard while being disciplined 😭💖 shows he feels safe w him and he’s really listening."

Others praised the mother: "The mother saying she’s not stepping in is the BEST PART!!! Let the men RAISE their boys!!!" one wrote. Another commented, "Us women, we raise our babies, our husbands, they raise men."

@jissel_fitts

#fyp #fypage #f #fatherson #dadsoftiktok #dadlife #blackfathers #blackfatherhood #fatherhood #breakingcycles

Jissell also responded to people sharing about their struggles. One viewer wrote, "I wish I had this growing up pops wasn’t around mom had to work you guys know how to go 🤦🏾♂️😩." And Jissell replied, "Growing up in my household we weren’t allowed to express ourselves we got in trouble for it 🥹."

Another shared, "Not all boys have a father like this not all boys have an active present, loving father that’s going to be like this. Some of us mothers have to be the mother and the father to our boys💯 & that’s Ok." Jissell responded, "My husband was raised by a single mom so yes it’s possible ❤️."

Regardless of their upbringings, Jissell and Aaron are choosing to parent their children differently.

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Pets

After no one showed up for a puppy's first birthday party strangers on the Internet stepped in

"I love how they posted the flyers at different heights. One for the dogs and one for the humans."

Photo by Hedi Alija on Unsplash

Party of one for dog's birthday.

Decades after the trend first emerged, people are still debating whether dog birthday parties are cool or "too extra." One woman on TikTok threw her tiny one-year-old puppy, Angel, a party and claimed no one came. In response, she received nearly 30,000 comments from people expressing their sadness that such an adorable puppy looked so distraught. They followed up with thousands of birthday wishes and heart emojis. (Turns out that Angel, who's a Brussels Griffon, has over 700,000 followers and her own manager, so she seems to be doing okay.)


dogs, birthday parties, birthday, pups, dog birthdayThree dogs wearing party hats. Photo by Pawtography Perth on Unsplash


Tons of people online have opinions about whether hound parties should even exist. An OP on Quora asked, "Why do pet owners throw birthday parties for their pets?" One commenter kept it simple: "Because it’s fun. That’s why. Dogs have about the same mental functioning as a toddler when it comes to navigating interactions with human beings. Do you think a baby has any clue what’s going on when you throw a 1st birthday party? Probably not, but you can see it brings them joy and you enjoy it too, so why not?"


@angelpawspups

Nobody came to his birthday 😞💔🎂 #sad #sadvideo #dog #dogparty #birthday #dogbirthday #puppy #brusselsgriffon


As for the logistics of it all, in the subreddit r/dogs, a Redditor posted: "Dog birthday party help: We adopted our good boy 3 years ago next week and we want to have a little party in our backyard with neighborhood dogs. Any tips or ideas on how to make it fun and keep it safe/contained?"

A commenter had excellent advice as to only having well-behaved dogs in attendance: "Hand out invitations with your pup in tow, to neighbors as they walk their dogs, and assess any behavioral incompatibilities before even mentioning anything."

And this wisdom was aimed at helping alleviate a dog-mob mentality when it came to treats: "You could do goodie bags for people to take as they leave, tied in a poop bag."


@lelepons

Happy Birthday my baby Toby 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

While some seemed adverse to the idea, more and more people are embracing their canine hoe-downs, whether it's an actual birthday or a "gotcha" day, for those lucky rescue animals out there. Recently, in the subreddit r/aww, someone posted a flyer of a puppy in a red party hat, with the caption, "Wuff, wuff, wuff, arf, woof, woof, ruff." A date and time followed by more woofs, arfs, and ruffs, then "nom nom (cake!) Come! Bark less…Maybe." As someone who's fluent in "dog," I can tell you that's a solid invite to what sounds like an off-the-chain party.

This post already has over 50,000 upvotes and nearly a thousand comments. Even more exciting, people actually went to the party and posted some photos in the Reddit thread. An amazing time seemed to be had by all!

gif, dogs, dog birthday party, birthday, party, party hatsHappy Birthday GIFGiphy

Days before the event, one eagle-eyed viewer had a compliment for the flyer itself. "I love how they posted the flyers at different heights. One for the dogs and one for the humans."

Another viewer had excellent advice for those searching for a companion on say, Tinder: "Are you single? I have a strong vibe if you go you are going to meet someone that you will really want to know." Not sure if they meant a dog-friend or a human-companion, but, either way, hopefully it all panned out.

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