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tiktok

A man can't seem to understand his emotions.

A TikToker named Divunsolicited is catching a lot of attention for a video where he explains a big way that society is hurting both men and women by the way we are raising boys. “A harsh reality is most men are not taught to be men when they're growing up as boys,” Divunsolicited says. “They're just taught how not to be women.” The realization came after he heard his aunt tell his cousin not to do something because “that’s what girls do.”

First, telling a boy not to do something because girls do it, regardless of the behavior, is both denigrating to women and teaching children inappropriate gender stereotypes. It also begs a fundamental question: If I’m not supposed to do girly things? What’s the appropriate thing to do as a boy, who will one day be a man?

“You always hear, don't cry, that's what girls do. Oh, you throw like a girl. Oh, girls are emotional,” Divunsolicited continued. “Only girls do that. Oh, you. You care about what you look like. That's what girls do. Or you wash your face and use face lotion and. And use moisturizer. That's what girls do.”

@adivunsolicited

most boys are raised how not to be girls but never really taught how to be men, there's so much discovery and figuring out how to manage your emotions, how to express yourself and how to become a good man #blacktiktok #parentsoftiktok #millennial #raisingboys #explorer #fypシ゚viral

He goes on to make the point that because there is such a stigma for boys who behave in a feminine way, it leaves them emotionally stunted as men because they aren’t allowed to show their emotions. “So what happens is, I think men become these repressed adults that become irrationally emotional until they act out,” Divunsolicited says. "And that's when you get fist fights, that's when you get men punching the wall. That's when you get men crashing out.”

Psychologists agree that when men can't express their emotions in a healthy way, they experience a "covert depression" that manifests as apathy, boredom, cynicism, and a limited range of emotions.

How to teach positive masculine traits

So, what are some positive, positive masculine characteristics that we should be teaching young boys? A group of researchers created a framework for teaching school-age boys positive masculine traits, and they came up with these 3 ways to “be”:

Being connected — To the self and others, forming interpersonal relationships based on respect, open communication, and non-violence.
Being motivated — Intrinsic motivation to engage with and contribute effectively to society beyond social pressures.
Being authentic — Comfort in enacting commitment to one’s values. Capacity to adopt flexibility around the emotional restriction and stoicism in help-seeking.

fathers and sons, positive masculinty, soccerA father and son watching a soccer match. via Canva/Photos

“From this mindset, we have courage, confidence, and the flexibility to hear others and even learn that we might be wrong,” Nick Norman, LICSW, writes for Psychology Today. “Our worth is no longer on trial, constantly measured against a suffocating definition of manhood. Instead, we are grounded within ourselves and can approach the world from a place of integrity and compassion, both for others and ourselves.”

Divunsolicited understands that many men were taught the wrong way to express their feelings as children. Still, he believes that things are headed in the right direction because millennials are raising a generation of men who have a healthier connection to their emotions. “And I think the more men are able to have and express themselves the more they're impart that until their children,” he concludes the video.

Only child asks her friends what it's like to grow up with siblings.

Ahhh, siblings. Sometimes they're your best friends and other times your living room turns into an MMA octagon over the remote control. If you grew up with brothers and sisters, it's hard to imagine what it would be like to be an only child. (That's not to say you didn't dream about it when your sister stole your favorite shirt for the 30th time.)

If you didn't grow up with siblings, however, it can feel pretty impossible to imagine what life is like with them. While those of us with siblings sometimes daydreamed about being an only, only children likely also had moments where they dreamt of having a brother or sister, not realizing the literal torment siblings can inflict on each other.

TikTok creator Lonnie IIV recently posted a video of himself with two other friends seemingly out to lunch. One of the friends asks what it was like to grow up with siblings and in less than a minute, she realized she lucked out being an only child because her two guy friends gave her a crash course in sibling behavior.


"She got an entire childhood in less than a minute."

3 young boys stand on concrete next to each other during the day

Siblinghood is a weird experience.

Photo by Max Titov on Unsplash

In the clip, Lonnie asked if she wanted her drink but then promptly told her she didn't want it before swirling his fingers around in her cup. This prompted the other friend to throw his balled-up straw paper at her before repeatedly dipping chopsticks into her soup. The woman just laughed and looked seemingly confused at the nonsense her guy friends were displaying. Of course, no sibling experience would be complete without the classic "stop touching me" added for a little pizzazz.

"She got an entire childhood in less than a minute," one user wrote.

A different user said, "This is so accurate."

The comment thread was full of childhood sibling...nostalgia?

two girls stand in front of a camping tent

Growing up with siblings can also be the best thing ever.

Photo by Colin + Meg on Unsplash

Other commenters started sharing the things they did to their siblings or vice versa. The comment thread was full of sibling...nostalgia? Seems weird to look back on those memories with fondness, yet here we are.

Honestly, my brother used to ask if he could have a bite of my food, and when I said no, he would just lick it before asking again. In turn, when my brothers wouldn't let me play video games with them, I would pinch my arm until it turned red and run out of the room crying to tell my mom they hit me.

Kids are weird, but thankfully there are usually doses of love in between the madness. If you grew up with siblings, you'll likely appreciate the video below. Or it'll give you flashbacks. It's a toss-up. If you don't have siblings, you may feel the need to have us evaluated. We turned out alright...mostly.

@lonnieiiv

Don’t ask, just bring it

This article originally appeared two years ago.

Humor

Adults are spoofing college acceptance reactions & proving you don't need a reason to celebrate

This is me waiting for the coffee maker to finish brewing in the morning.

khimburlie/TikTok & rachel_defore/TikTok

One of the more heart-warming genres of social media video you're likely to find is the college acceptance reaction video. Hopeful teenagers opening up college acceptance or rejection letters used to be a private, emotion-packed moment for families. Now it's common to film it and put it up on Instagram or TikTok — and people love them. Some of the videos are really amazing and emotional to watch; you can see the exact moment someone's biggest dream comes true.

Because this is the Internet we're talking about, people are now spoofing these videos. The trend started with people doing fake reaction videos in the vein of "Pretending I got into Harvard because I'm bored." But the spoof trend quickly took an interesting turn.

The newest trend on TikTok is gathering your friends and family around you so you can all react together to the most silly, mundane bits of positive news imaginable.

That's right, people are making up reasons to celebrate and we're all for it.

One family posted their 'reaction' to looking up their local Mexican restaurant online and finding that it's open on Christmas Eve.

Not only does everyone get to show off their acting chops (keep an eye on the brother, who weeps tears of joy in an Oscar-worthy performance), commenters had to admit the faux joy was contagious.

"Same reaction when they brought out the large queso in a gallon sized bowl" commented one user.

"why am i crying for you guys" said another.

Congratulations to Rachel and her family for this amazing turn of good fortune.

@rachel_defore

Please watch everyone separately😭#merrychristmas #fyp #christmaseve

Another family wept tears of joy when the Domino's pizza tracker indicated their order was in the oven.

This viral video even got the attention of Dominos, who wrote "I'm so proud of you, you’ve worked so hard for this moment"

Commenters on this one had their own ideas for achievements that might get them to celebrate like this:

Me, when my package says out for delivery

Me but “dasher has picked up your order”

I once read that the key to happiness is to always be waiting on a package. The excitement, the anticipation. It makes getting out of bed in the morning worth it. This video? Same vibes.

@khimburlie

we’re a family of big backs #fyp #siblings #pizza #dominos #collegeacceptance

This woman gathered her friends to watch her reveal her first flan cake, sparking a huge reaction when it turned out!

The build up is epic. And so is the cake.

@queen_bee_mari_mar

My first strawberry flan cake #chocoflan #collegerevealparody #collegeacceptance #firstflan #flan


One noteworthy observation about the trendy videos? They're mostly being made by adults who have left college acceptances behind.

Adults have been bemoaning the lack of holidays and celebrations in their lives for years. Once you've graduated college, gotten married, and maybe had a couple of kids, there really aren't a lot of occasions where your whole family gathers around to celebrate you. Birthdays lose their luster as you get older and your social circle shrinks; they can even make you sad because you're afraid of getting older or feeling bad that you haven't achieved more. It's called the birthday blues. Your Christmas presents get more and more boring with every passing year (tools and kitchen gadgets, anyone?)

In short, the older we get, the fewer reasons we have to celebrate. (And most of us never got to film our own college acceptance reaction because video cameras had to be shoulder-mounted). I know this TikTok trend started as a spoof and is mostly for laughs, but I like that it bucks the tradition of feeling like there are no exciting, anticipation-fueled moments in adulthood. I like that people are creating those moments for themselves, even if they are ridiculous.

I can't help but think of the ending of the movie Sideways, where the main character has been saving an incredibly nice bottle of wine to open on a special occasion. Someone tells him that the day he opens it, that's the real occasion. In the end, he opens the wine and drinks it out of a paper cup at a fast food restaurant, signaling his willingness to start finding joy in them mundanity of day to day life.

Or maybe I'm just reading too much into some silly TikTok videos, but either way, you should watch a few — you'll definitely enjoy the laughs.

Pop Culture

Veterinarian lists things pet parents do that 'give him the ick' and they are spot-on

Though meant in good fun, these 'icks' could be helpful pointers for pet parents everywhere.

Representative Image from Canva

Vets are some of the people we'd least like to give "the ick" to

Ally McBeal first brought us the phrase “gives me the ick” back in 1999. And it’s recently had a resurgence, thanks to, you guessed it, TikTok. And while it’s mostly reserved to the dating world, the term can and has been used to describe virtually every red flag or pet peeve under the sun. And now, thanks to Dr. Frank Bozelka, we can enjoy a veterinarian version of “icks.” And just to be clear, the icks in question don’t come from the patients themselves…but the pet parents.

While Dr. Bozelka is clearly just poking fun, he doesn’t shy away from highlighting some of the choices that pet parents make that cause some serious problems for their furry friends.

Things like trusting a breeder's opinion over a vet’s. Bolzelka’s number on ick.

As he points out in his video caption, breeders “are not medical experts.” He added that while there are certainly knowledgeable breeders out there—even some who taught him breed specific tidbits—”most of the time you’re dealing with a backyard breeder who is literally just trying to dodge any responsibility.”

Hence why his gut reaction when he hears someone refer to a breeder’s opinion as gospel is to “cringe.”

Even breeders agreed on this one. One wrote, “as a breeder I never give medical advice. I say: ‘please go see your vet.’ Maybe because I’m also a vet tech.”

Next on the list: when someone asks “if this were your dog what would you do?" then proceeds to do the opposite of what he’d do.

“Bro, why did you even ask me?” he says in the clip.

Ick #4: include buying a pet after doing zero research on the specific needs of the breed, which kind of goes into ick #3: getting a dog that needs lots of activity and making no lifestyle changes to accommodate…while also wondering why the poor thing is tearing up the house.

“I cannot stress this enough: DO NOT JUST BUY A BREED BECAUSE IT’S CUTE! DO! YOUR! HOMEWORK!” Bozelka wrote in all caps.

And then there complaining about wait times at the ER. “We know it’s frustrating,” Bozelka writes, “The dirty truth, however, is the vast majority of the time it’s NOT the fault of the hospital staff. It’s the other owner and the cases we are seeing.”

Lastly, Dr. Bozelka listed retractable leashes as an ick, simply because they’re so dangerous. He’s seen “far more injuries caused” by them in comparison to other leashes, so better to be safe than sorry.
@dr.bozelkaervet While there certainly are breeders that know their stuff, they are still not medical experts! Sure I’ve learned a few things from breeders about unique breeds I didn’t know, but it’s not very common. And the harsh reality of being a vet is that most of the time, you’re dealing with a backyard breeder that’s literally just trying to dodge any responsibility. So yes, our gut reaction when people say that is to cringe, sorry. I cannot stress this enough: DO NOT JUST BUY A BREED BECAUSE IT’S CUTE!!! DO! YOUR!! HOMEWORK!!! Make sure the breed is a good fit for your lifestyle, and make sure your lifestyle is a good fit for the breed! And for retractable leashes: I’ve seen far more injuries caused to dogs and humans from retractable leashes compared to other leashes. End of explanation. For number 6: stop complaining about the wait times. We know it’s frustrating. The dirty truth, however, is the vast majority of the time it’s NOT the fault of the hospital staff. It’s other owners and the cases we are seeing. #fyp #comedyvideo #satire #doglover #catlover #petlover #vetsoftiktok #drbozelka ♬ Funny video "Carmen Prelude" Arranging weakness(836530) - yo suzuki(akisai)

While not every vet might have the same icks as Bozelka, it’s easy to see how any one in his situation would be aggravated. Vets undergo years of education and training to help give our pets the best life possible. And when we make their job even harder, frustration is inevitable.

According to the website KeepingItPawsome.com, there are a few other behaviors that vets hate, including:

Overfeeding, trusting “Dr. Google” over their professional opinion, being verbally abusive or getting hysterical in the waiting room, not having pet insurance or an emergency fund, waiting too long before brining the pet in to get a check up, expecting free treatment or reduced fees, giving up on sick or old pets, trying medications or supplements without consulting them (again, Google can’t always be trusted), and last but not least—expecting a quick and easy fix.

Vets also want what’s best for our fur babies. So these are good things to remember as pet parents, so that we may better help them help us.


This article originally appeared last year.