upworthy

teenagers

Parenting

Mom shares 4-part secret to making her home "the house" for her son and his friends.

Con: They eat all your food. Pro: You'll learn to know and trust the people they spend their time with.

hi.im.amywhite/Instagram

I grew up in "the house." In high school, my home was the designated place where my friends gathered, sometimes in big groups, sometimes just my small core squad. My three best friends spent the night there almost every Friday and/or Saturday night for four years straight. We devoured Totino's frozen pizzas by the dozens, inhaled soda, and laid waste to any snacks or leftovers that were brave enough to exist somewhere in the kitchen. Not only that, but my house was pretty small — four teenage boys took up a lot of space in the living room (the whole thing) and made a lot of noise playing video games deep into the night. It must have driven my parents and older brothers crazy. It's a wonder anyone put up with it.

Or, so I thought when I was younger. When I became a parent myself, I started to understand a little more why my mom and dad were so willing to host and feed me and all my friends every single weekend. Why the outrageous grocery bill and constant chaos in the house was probably a small price to pay.

One mom has perfectly encapsulated why turning her home into "the house" for her son and his friends was so valuable and exactly how she did it.


Giphy

Amy White shared a reel on Instagram showing her college-aged son hanging in her dining room with a group of friends playing cards. The text overlay reads "What makes your kids high school friends want to come over, play cards & spend the night on their College Christmas Break". I think most parents can agree that we want our kids to keep coming home as long as possible! So how exactly did White pull this off?

Her explanation in the caption was spot-on.

First, White says that you have to start early. Become "the hang out house" in high school or even earlier. Then you have a better chance of holding onto the mantle into your kid's college years.

Next, be ready to stock the house with snacks and drinks, and don't make a fuss when your kid's friends have at it. "The kids knew we had food," she writes, "BUT they also knew I didn't care what they had. They knew they could eat anything in my pantry and fridge."

Third, and this is a big one, don't mistake being the "cool house" for being "the house." Some parents choose to allow their underage kids and friends to drink alcohol under their supervision, but you don't have to bend your morals and the law to lure the squad over to your place. Pizza and Coke is plenty to keep most teens happy. "We were not the house that served alcohol or even allowed the kids to bring alcohol to our house. And Guess What?? The kids still came and wanted to hang at our house!"

Fourth, always say Yes (as often as possible, anyway) when your kids want to have friends over. "They know my answer is 99% of the time YES," White writes. "You have to have your kids take the leadership of offering your home and if your home was 'open' to their friends in high school, they know it will be 'open' to their friends in college."

As a bonus tip, White pleas with parents not to worry about the mess having friends over makes. "I love a clean house and organization, BUT I would much rather have a crazy messy house for the kids where memories are made than a quiet house with nothing going on just to keep my house 'clean.'"

White writes, "It's worth being 'the house', so let go of control & get to know your kids friends." Commenters agreed.

White's video went viral to the tune of 8.5 million views and hundreds of comments. Parents shared their own experiences of what it's like being the default hang out house.

"Our house was the high school hangout for my son and friends... every weekend... I loved it!! Miss it now that they are all college graduates and have moved away. I love seeing them when they do come home for the holidays"

"A wise man once said don't be the house with the alcohol. Be the house with the food."


Teenagers will ravage your kitchenMichael Richards Eating GIFGiphy

"Amy 1000% agree!!! My house is full of teenagers on the weekends and I love every bit of it. Even though I wake up to a kitchen that looked much different from when I left it"

"we never allowed alcohol, drugs, bad language, always respectful, and guess what, our house was always the house where the kids hung out. First my daughter, then my son. Through grade school, high school, then when my kids went out of state for college their college friends would come spend a couple weeks during the summer. I always thought of it this way, I loved knowing my kids friends and, who knows, maybe some of those kids, especially during the younger years, just maybe those kids just needed an adult to care. Anyway, it was always fun to have them here!"

"It used to crack me up when my daughter would bring over a bunch of her friends (girls and boys) in high school and instead of hanging out in the family room they all wanted to crowd into either the kitchen with me or our tiny office and happily share all the gossip with me."

Experts say that knowing your kids' friends, and their parents, can have huge benefits. Not only will it bring you the peace of mind of knowing where your kid is and who they're with when they get to those crucial high school years, it has been shown to tangibly improve kids ability to create positive relationships and problem-solve collaboratively. Plus, it can actually be really fun! Kids and teens are the funniest, silliest, most interesting people on the planet. Having a house full of them is messy and loud, but it's always a good time.

Just "Don’t feel bad if your house isn’t the chosen house," one commenter reminds us. "Just be happy your kid has a good group of friends and be thankful they have somewhere safe to hang out."

From Your Site Articles
parenting
Family

13 comics use 'science' to hilariously illustrate the frustrations of parenting.

"Newton's First Law of Parenting: A child at rest will remain at rest ... until you need your iPad back."

All images by Jessica Ziegler

Kids grab everywhere.


Norine Dworkin-McDaniel's son came home from school one day talking about Newton's first law of motion.

He had just learned it at school, her son explained as they sat around the dinner table one night. It was the idea that "an object at rest will remain at rest until acted on by an external force."

"It struck me that it sounded an awful lot like him and his video games," she joked.

A writer by trade and always quick to turn a phrase, Norine grabbed a pen and scribbled some words:

"Newton's First Law of Parenting: A child at rest will remain at rest ... until you need your iPad back."

And just like that, she started creating "The Science of Parenthood," a series that names and identifies hilarious, universal parenting struggles. She put in a quick call to her friend Jessica Ziegler, a visual and graphics expert, and together the two set out to bring the project to life.

Here are some of their discoveries:

1. Newton's first law of parenting

parents, babies, parenthood

A taste of the “gimmies."

2. The sleep geometry theorem

teenagers, science of parenthood, science

There’s plenty of room.

3. The baby fluids effusion rule

baby fluids, adults, babies

Duck.

4. The carnival arc

avoidance, county fair, town

Can we go?

5. The Archimedes bath-time principle

bath time, bubbles, clean up

Clean up the clean up.

6. Schrödinger's backpack

homework, school, responsibility

Homework... ehh.

7. The naptime disruption theorem

naps, doorbells, sleep deprivation

Who needs sleep. It’s rhetorical.

8. Calculation disintegration

math, education, calculator

I have a calculator on my phone.

9. Chuck e-conomics

economics, resources, toys

How much does that cost?

10. Plate tectonics

food, picky eaters, fussy eaters

Where’s the chicken tenders?

11. Silicaphobia

beach, sand, vacation

Oh good, sunburns.

12. Delusions of launder

laundry, chores, home utilities

When did we get all these clothes?

13. The Costco contradiction

Costco, name brands, comic

I want them now, not then.

Norine and Jessica's work struck a nerve with parents everywhere.

Norine said almost every parent who sees the cartoons has a similar reaction: a quiet moment of recognition, followed by a huge laugh as they recognize their own families in the illustrations.

But is there more to it than just getting a few chuckles? You bet, Norine and Jessica said.

"Even, at the worst possible moments, you're standing there, your child has just vomited all over you, or you've opened up the diaper and your kid is sitting waist deep in liquid ****. Even at that moment, it's not really that bad," Norine said. "You will be able to laugh at this at some point."

"It gets better. You're not alone in this parenting thing."


This article originally appeared on 11.30.16

From Your Site Articles
Modern Families

Dad perfectly explains why he wants his kids' teenage friends to hang out at his house

'Be that house!'

Photo by LaShawn Dobbs on Unsplash
a group of people sitting on a swing

Every group of teenage friends usually has that one house with the “cool parents” where everyone can hang out. It’s usually a place where there isn’t much judgment but plenty of snacks and a teen-friendly place to hang like a garage, living room or basement.

There are two types of parents who don’t mind having teens over all the time. One type allows the kids to drink and party because, “you’re gonna do it anyway, might as well do it here.” The other kind likes having kids around so they can be sure they don’t get into that type of trouble.

Jeremy Serrano, a Lutheran pastor in Northern California who has three children ages 12, 15 and 17, recently went viral on TikTok for explaining why parents should strive to “Be that house!” where kids hang out.

@jeremypserrano

Be that house! #parenting #parentsoftiktok #progressiveclergy

"I was talking to another parent the other day and they asked me, 'Why do you always have teenagers over at your house?'" Serrano said on TikTok. "One of the things that we've worked really hard on is being the house that the teenage friends of my children want to hang out at."

The Serrano house is a teenagers’ paradise. It’s stocked with snacks and has an ax-throwing target, basketball hoop and trampoline.

"My wife and I, we intentionally ask our children's friends what kind of food and drinks they like and then we make sure that we have those things on hand for them," he said in the video.

"It's just one of the best things that we've ever done," added Serrano. "Because we get to know our kids' friends and then we know that they're hanging out here."

The house may be a place where kids can let loose, but there’s no illicit partying happening. "We have boundaries and don't allow that here," he told Today. "In fact, I'd lose credibility with my children by not providing boundaries."

The TikTok post received a lot of positive comments from people who loved growing up in “that house.”

"My mother law told me once… food, drinks, and activities will always be cheaper than lawyers, legal fees, and therapists," anmccoy74 wrote. "This was my house growing up and my mom said that when I went away to college she lost not just one son but more like 5 sons," Gridpod added.

"I've always said I want to be the house the kids go hang out at so I can be a trusted place for them but most importantly my kids tell me their lives," Addie Davis wrote.

Serrano told Today that the teens are comfortable coming to him for advice because of the open environment he’s created. "I was really honored that my children pointed their friends to me—the first time it happened I was like, 'Whoa that is a big deal,'" he said. "My rule is, they can share our conversations with anyone they want, but I won't. If their parents ask if we've talked, I won't lie, but I'll point them back to their children."

After his post went viral, the pastor posted a subsequent video where he shared some tips on how to create “that house.”

@jeremypserrano

Replying to @moeffinmary tip#1 be a non judgmental presence. #parenting #parentingtips

"I think the number one way to be ‘that house’ is to be parents that provide a non-judgmental presence and non-judgmental listening to your kids' friends,” Serrano said.

He added that it’s important to "really get to know their sides of things. To really try to understand how they're feeling in response to situations.” Serrano says parents shouldn’t think of what the teens are saying as “good or bad” but just to “be there and listen to them."

In the end, having “that house” is all about creating a great environment for the entire family. "We get to be involved in our children's lives," he says. "And provide a safe space among chaos in the world."


This article originally appeared on 1.4.23

From Your Site Articles
parenting
Education

A high school teacher's reaction to a sleeping student went viral for all the right reasons

"I cannot spirit away her teen troubles. But I can give her a break."



A teacher's message has gone viral after he let his student sleep in class — for the kindest reason.

Teachers spend time preparing lesson plans and trying to engage students in learning. The least a kid can do is stay awake in class, right?

But high school English teacher Monte Syrie sees things differently. In a Twitter thread, he explained why he didn't take it personally when his student Meg fell asleep — and why he didn't wake her up.

Screenshots via MonteSyrie/Twitter.

Meg's nap meant she missed an in-class essay, but she turned it in that night. "I didn't beat her up about it. Didn't have to," he wrote. "In a different room, Meg may have been written up for sleeping in class and given a zero for missing and essay, but she wasn't in a different room; she was in my room."

Syrie pointed out that sometimes we have to "trust our instincts, even if it goes against the grain."

Meg is a good student with a lot on her plate. She takes a zero-hour class before the normal school day and does farm chores before that. She runs track. And she's a teenager, with all of the social, academic, and life pressures that go along with it.

Syrie teaches sophomore English in Cheney, Washington. Photo via Monte Syrie.

And she's not alone. During the school year, teens report higher levels of stress than adults, and many students report feeling exhausted trying to keep up with it all.

"I think too often the biggest thing that people forget about high school students is that they are kids," Syrie says. "They're kids — kids who are having to grow up way too fast and are having way too much pressure put on them, in and out of school ... even for our best and brightest, that pressure gets to be too much."

Syrie's compassionate story resonated with people because we've all been in a position of needing a little grace.

Syrie's tweets continued, exemplifying how teachers can show kindness and understanding to students. He pointed out, "I can't offer Meg a math class later in the day. I cannot feed her horses ... I cannot run 6 race-pace 300s for her. I cannot spirit away her teen trouble. But I can give her a break."

Syrie says he tries to be that responsive to all of his students. "Because I firmly believe that one size fits all is madness, I adjust to each student, trusting my instincts, trusting what I know," he says. "Regardless of our responsibilities, life is hard, and we all need some grace now and then."

Syrie says he's had a few negative comments, but overwhelmingly the response has been positive from both students and teachers.

[rebelmouse-image 19397573 dam="1" original_size="665x141" caption="Screenshot via Alexa Shaw/Twitter." expand=1]Screenshot via Alexa Shaw/Twitter.

[rebelmouse-image 19397574 dam="1" original_size="648x96" caption="Screenshot via Maria Riverso/Twitter." expand=1]Screenshot via Maria Riverso/Twitter.

[rebelmouse-image 19397575 dam="1" original_size="661x119" caption="Screenshot via Mrs. Chow/Twitter." expand=1]Screenshot via Mrs. Chow/Twitter.

Syrie has words for those who say that allowing a student to sleep in class doesn't prepare them for the "real world."

Some may question whether letting a student sleep in class without consequence is a good idea. Syrie has a response:

"We are not working in factories, stamping out standardized products," he says. "We are helping young humans — unique individuals — learn about themselves and their worlds. As such, when our young humans face the inevitable pressures of growing up, we need to respond with empathy."

"And if that does not prepare them for the 'real world' as some may suggest, then maybe the world needs to change. I want to live in a world where there's empathy. That's the world I want to live in."

You can read more about the way Syrie is rethinking education on his website.


This article originally appeared on 06.01.18

Trending Stories