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Mom shocked that fourth-grade son 'embarrassed' eating chips out of a Ziploc bag for lunch

It's easy to forget how kids that age get embarrassed over everything.

via Canva/Photos

A child is embarrassed over his lunch.

One of the hardest times in a child's life is hitting that awkward phase around 10 that lasts 'til at least, 16. A hallmark of this time is when kids become obsessed with status symbols such as clothing, shoes, bikes, technology, and even what they bring in their lunches.

Kimberly Church, a Los Angeles stylist and mother of three boys, recently discovered that her 10-year-old was embarrassed by her packing his snacks in a Ziploc bag. “News today from my fourth grader that this kind of snack is embarrassing,” she said, holding up a Ziploc bag with chips inside. “So if I'm gonna send a snack, it needs to be in, like, one of those individual single-serving bags.”

It seems that the kids at his school will shame you for having your snacks in a Ziploc bag instead of individually wrapped, branded bags. Is it because it's cheaper to buy a large bag of chips and then divvy them up, day by day, rather than buying individual bags? Who knows what goes on in the mind of a fourth-grader?

"My son told me yogurt is embarrassing, like what? Why," one viewer asked in the comments. "I remember in 3rd grade we had $.25 popcorn Friday, and all my mom had was 2 dimes and 1 nickel, and I remember crying because I wanted a quarter because I was so embarrassed," another added.

As a parent, dealing with your child’s embarrassment over their lunch is tricky. You don’t want the child to be picked on for something so trivial as the type of lunch they bring to school. Still, you also want to teach them resilience and to stick up for themselves in front of other kids.

Why do tweens and teens get embarrassed so easily?

Carl E Pickhardt, Ph.D., says that it’s crucial for parents to avoid minimizing their tween or teen’s sense of embarrassment and to think of it in adult terms. “Sometimes, to give adults an emotional reference for the teenager’s embarrassment, they can relate to I’ll ask if they ever have any performance fears, stage fright, interview anxiety, social jitters, party discomfort, or nervousness about public speaking,” Pickhardt writes for Psychology Today. “Although not exactly the same, such sensitivity to personal exposure and fear of public scrutiny may be comparable to the emotional distress that adolescent embarrassment can cause.”

cafeteria, schools, parents, awkward phase, school lunch, lunches, kids and lunchA group of kids lining up in the cafeteria.via Canva/Photos

Pickhardt adds that children of this age are easily embarrassed because they're walking the tight rope between adulthood and childhood, and it’s easy for them to act too old or too young. In this young man’s case, eating chips out of a Ziploc bag may appear to be something a younger child would do.

Tweens and teenage kids are also very conscious about violating the norms of the group and feeling included because they are trying to find their place and assert their individuality outside of their family unit. Facing rejection from their “tribe” of peers can create extreme feelings of social isolation. This age of insecurity is easily taken advantage of by marketers who are working to make their brands an important part of youth culture.

sack lunch, school lunch, apple, banana, brown bag, green apple, elementary schoolAn elementary school kid's lunch.via Canva/Photos

“Branding is about finding a group or tribe to identify with,” Chris Hudson writes at Understanding Teenagers. “The message teens hear is ‘if you have the right brand, you belong to a family that share your identification with the brand and its lifestyle/values.’”

Parents may scoff at their child coming home and feeling embarrassed about their lunch, but there is much more at play if you dig a bit beneath the surface. Tweens and teens are going through a challenging phase where fitting in is paramount because the pain of rejection and bullying is terrible. So, it’s up to parents to have some sympathy by getting in touch with their feelings when they were younger and embarrassment made them want to disappear. Church may be surprised that her son is embarrassed about his school lunch, but in the end, it’s not really about snacks; it’s a request for belonging and evidence of the incredible importance that his peer group plays in his life.

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tweens
Family

7 secrets to raising awesome, functional teenagers.

Step 1: Ditch the myth that all teens are sullen, angry creatures.

All photos used here are mine, used with permission.

My beautiful teens.


I occasionally get asked by mothers of young children what the secret is to raising great teenagers.

My initial response is that I have absolutely no clue. My kids are who they are IN SPITE of having me as a mother. (The young moms don't find that answer too helpful.)

Really, the first thing that I will tell you is to disbelieve the myth that teenagers are sullen, angry creatures who slam doors and hate their parents. Some do that, but the overwhelming majority do not. Every one of my kids' friends are just as happy and fun as my kids are, so I know it's not just us.

Teenagers are incredible. They are funny, smart, eager to please, and up for just about anything as long as food is involved. They have the most generous hearts and want desperately to be loved and validated. They are quirky and messy and have the best sense of humor.

Smiling teenagers

Bright smiles on the couch.

All photos used here are mine, used with permission.

So, here is my list of "rules" for raising teens. These are the secrets we have found to be successful.

1. Love them fiercely.

Love everything about them, even the annoying stuff. Love them for their actions AND their intentions. Let them know in word and deed how much you adore them. Daily. Love their wrinkled shirts and Axe-body-spray-covered selves. Love their bad handwriting and pimpled cheeks. Love their scattered brains and long limbs. All these seemingly insignificant details are an amazing, magical process at work. It's like being witness to the miracle of a diamond mid-formation. All this imperfection is going to one day yield a responsible, serious adult. A loving husband and father. Or a wonderful wife and mother. It's a privilege to be witness to such glorious growth.

See your teenagers as a privilege, don't see them as a burden. They're more perceptive than you can imagine. How you feel about them will be no secret. So just love ‘em.

2. Listen and pay attention.

When they walk in the door after school, you have a precious few minutes when they will divulge the secrets of their day with you. Be excited to see them. Put down the cell phone. Don't waste this time making dinner or taking a phone call. Look them in the eye and hear what they are saying. Make their victories your victories. Be empathetic. It is really hard to navigate high school and middle school. Don't offer advice at this time unless they ask for it. Don't lecture. Just listen. It makes them feel important and valued. We all need to feel that way.

3. Say yes more than you say no.

The world is forever going to tell them no. For the rest of their lives, they will be swimming in a stormy sea with wave after wave of "you're not good enough" and "you can't do this" crashing down on their heads. If nothing else, I want to be the opposite voice in their lives for as long as I can. I want to instill in them the belief that they are not limited and they can do anything if they're willing to work hard enough for it. I want to be the YES, YOU CAN in their lives. I want them to leave my house every day feeling invincible.

4. Say no often.

You need to say no to experiences and situations that will set your child up for harm or unhappiness. Don't let them go to the parties where they will be forced to make a choice about alcohol at age 16 in front of their peers . Don't let them stay out until three in the morning with a member of the opposite sex. Be the parent. Set up rules for their safety, both physical and moral. You would think this rule goes without saying, but we have known a shockingly large number of parents who don’t.

5. Feed them. A lot.

And not only them, but their friends too. These bodies are growing and developing at an astonishing rate and need fuel to do so — most of which they prefer to be loaded with processed sugar and hydrogenated-something-or-others. When their friends know your pantry is stocked to the gills with treats, they will beg your kid to hang out at your place. This allows you to not only meet and know their friends, but to keep an eye on your teen as well.


6. Don't sweat the small stuff.

When living with teenagers, it can be so easy to see the backpack dropped in the middle of the living room as laziness. Or the bedroom scattered with dirty clothes as irresponsible. Instead, and before you open your mouth to yell at them, put yourself in their shoes. Find out about their day first. Maybe they are feeling beaten down, and they just need to unwind for a minute and tell you about it. Ignore the mess for a bit and put your arms around that big, sweaty kid and give him a hug. Talk to him about his world. Find out what he did, wants to do, and dreams of doing. THEN, and only then, ask him to pick it up and put it away.

That being said, do I completely ignore the state of my boys' bedrooms all the time? No, I do not. But I pick my battles, and I pick the appropriate time to fight them. Once every seven to 10 days or so, I tell them their bedrooms need to be picked up. Which they do happily because it's not the running loop of a nagging mom. They know when I ask, it needs to be done.

7. Stand back and watch the magic happen.

Teens making silly poses

Having a funny picture taken.

All photos used here are mine, used with permission.

If you let them, these glorious creatures will open their hearts and love you more fiercely than you could possibly imagine. They are brilliant, capable, strong spirits who bring with them a flurry of happiness. They are hilarious and clever. They are thoughtful and sensitive. They want us to adore them. They need us to adore them. They love deeply and are keenly in touch with the feelings of others.

They are just about the greatest gift God gave to parents.


This article was written by Christie Halversson and originally appeared six years ago.

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Kids

13-year-old's bucket list is the perfect blueprint for an adventurous life

If you ever wanted to own a cool jeep or discover a fossil when you were a kid, this is your reminder that it's not too late.

EarSubstantial9362/Reddit & Nico Aguilera/Flickr

A bucket list is usually something people start thinking about toward the end of their lives, or sometimes in the crisis-filled middle. You become more aware of your mortality and more determined than ever not to waste your remaining days. Most commonly, you see people wanting to travel more and see the world, experience adrenaline-filled adventures like skydiving or deep sea scuba diving, or capture major human milestones like falling in love or becoming a parent.

Just imagine if we started on those lists earlier, how much we could accomplish! One dad recently discovered that his 13-year-old son had been keeping a bucket list. He couldn't resist posting it online and now the wacky, hilarious list is going viral.

Highlights include:

  • Discover a new species
  • Save a species
  • Prove the existence of goblins
  • And purchase a full taxidermy alligator

Safe to say that if this kid really pulls all of this off, he'll grow up to be the Most Interesting Man in the World: An eclectic and well-traveled cool dude who loves animals (except for the octopi, sorry guys), has major Hollywood connections, and rides around in an awesome jeep with his best friend, a binturong.

Here's the full list, currently sitting at 20 items.

My personal favorite is that the kid wants to know what it feels like to beat someone up! Very Fight Club of him. Hopefully if he ever gets the chance, it'll be a baddie who deserves it.

Online users found the list endlessly entertaining, and kindly shared some tips for how the kid could actually make his dreams come true.

For example, according to one kind citizen, apparently there's a spot where you can pay to dig up fish fossils in Wyoming. That's number 15 done and dusted!

He could definitely befriend a binturong (a fascinating mammal that looks like a cross between a bear and a cat) with a journey to Southeast Asia. So there's number 6.

Taxidermy alligator? Amazon, two-day shipping. Number 1 done.

Anyone with a computer or phone can start a YouTube channel, and practically every major city in the world has a Japanese restaurant where you can order octopus.

Dad said his son wants to change his name to "Trevor Bartholomew Dunglepants." He may want to sit on that one for a few years before making a rash decision, but when he's ready, all it takes is a little paperwork.

The entire list is completely doable with the possible exceptions of "become a billionaire" or "meet an alien." Users encouraged dad to help his son achieve as many of his bucket list items as possible.

"Don't let his dreams be memes," one person wrote.

"May his life be as adventurous as his bucket list!!!" wrote another.

Pomax/Flickr

It's kind of inspiring that as random, chaotic, and bizarre as many of these bucket list items are, they are totally achievable for the most part.

Kind of makes you wonder... are you dreaming big enough?

One user summed it up perfectly. "As someone who no longer thinks they could write one of these because I've stripped away so much aspiration and replaced it all with 'let's be realistic,' foster this. Do not let him lose that source of light that's so uniquely his- shaped like him in a cool jeep full of fossils, driving to beat up a goblin."

I think an interesting question to ask yourself from time to time is: Would your younger self be proud of you?


lizard fossil in sand Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

All of us at one point or another wanted to be professional athletes, firefighters, brain surgeons, or astronauts. We wanted to live in a house made of gold or candy and have a pet unicorn. In most cases, it probably didn't work out that way. But that's OK, that's life! Our dreams as a child aren't always possible, or even a good reflection of what we really want as fully formed humans.

But sometimes we're onto something when we're younger. We are the purest versions of ourselves and mostly uncorrupted by the things that weigh us down as grown ups. Try to remember that when you're making your own bucket list. Yeah, eating fresh pasta in Italy is cool, but have you ever ridden on the back of a whale? Surfed on lava flowing out of an active volcano? Written, directed, and starred in your own movie about your life?

You might be surprised to find out what's actually not nearly as impossible as you might think!

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Family

13 comics use 'science' to hilariously illustrate the frustrations of parenting.

"Newton's First Law of Parenting: A child at rest will remain at rest ... until you need your iPad back."

All images by Jessica Ziegler

Kids grab everywhere.


Norine Dworkin-McDaniel's son came home from school one day talking about Newton's first law of motion.

He had just learned it at school, her son explained as they sat around the dinner table one night. It was the idea that "an object at rest will remain at rest until acted on by an external force."

"It struck me that it sounded an awful lot like him and his video games," she joked.

A writer by trade and always quick to turn a phrase, Norine grabbed a pen and scribbled some words:

"Newton's First Law of Parenting: A child at rest will remain at rest ... until you need your iPad back."

And just like that, she started creating "The Science of Parenthood," a series that names and identifies hilarious, universal parenting struggles. She put in a quick call to her friend Jessica Ziegler, a visual and graphics expert, and together the two set out to bring the project to life.

Here are some of their discoveries:

1. Newton's first law of parenting

parents, babies, parenthood

A taste of the “gimmies."

2. The sleep geometry theorem

teenagers, science of parenthood, science

There’s plenty of room.

3. The baby fluids effusion rule

baby fluids, adults, babies

Duck.

4. The carnival arc

avoidance, county fair, town

Can we go?

5. The Archimedes bath-time principle

bath time, bubbles, clean up

Clean up the clean up.

6. Schrödinger's backpack

homework, school, responsibility

Homework... ehh.

7. The naptime disruption theorem

naps, doorbells, sleep deprivation

Who needs sleep. It’s rhetorical.

8. Calculation disintegration

math, education, calculator

I have a calculator on my phone.

9. Chuck e-conomics

economics, resources, toys

How much does that cost?

10. Plate tectonics

food, picky eaters, fussy eaters

Where’s the chicken tenders?

11. Silicaphobia

beach, sand, vacation

Oh good, sunburns.

12. Delusions of launder

laundry, chores, home utilities

When did we get all these clothes?

13. The Costco contradiction

Costco, name brands, comic

I want them now, not then.

Norine and Jessica's work struck a nerve with parents everywhere.

Norine said almost every parent who sees the cartoons has a similar reaction: a quiet moment of recognition, followed by a huge laugh as they recognize their own families in the illustrations.

But is there more to it than just getting a few chuckles? You bet, Norine and Jessica said.

"Even, at the worst possible moments, you're standing there, your child has just vomited all over you, or you've opened up the diaper and your kid is sitting waist deep in liquid ****. Even at that moment, it's not really that bad," Norine said. "You will be able to laugh at this at some point."

"It gets better. You're not alone in this parenting thing."


This article originally appeared on 11.30.16

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