stay at home mom

Having children is a big decision that can alter the course of your life. People often like to have an idea of what their future might look like post children. This is especially true when it comes to financial stability. Planning to have children can be so exciting that it can feel like a damper when the person you're planning with wants to know what will happen if things don't work out between the two of you, or if a child is born with additional needs.

While planning for financial stability as a family unit isn't always fun, it's not as uncomfortable as planning for "what if" scenarios of divorce or death of a spouse. But those conversations are just as important as deciding how many children to have, where to live and what religion in which you want to raise your children.

One woman turned to Reddit to ask if she was wrong for demanding her husband help to secure her future with a 50% stake in the company after he asked her to be a stay at home mom.

The woman and her husband already have children and she has remained a working mom throughout the entirety of their parenting journey together. But the couple have a third child on the way and according to the anonymous user, her husband caught her off guard by suddenly asking her to be a house wife.

woman holding baby beside man smiling Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

"I was very disturbed by that but he explained that it was better for our family and children since he can afford very good living. After a few weeks thinking I told him that I would agree but only if I get 1/2 his company," the woman says.

She further explains that his request is due to him feeling stressed out and anxious that the children are in the care of "strangers" at daycare. Though whether one parent will stay at home with the children is typically discussed before those children exist the Reddit poster shares that they both loved their careers so the idea of quitting to stay home wasn't discussed. But the request to receive 50% of the company didn't come without thought.

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When women leave the workforce to care for children, they are often economically punished when attempting to re-enter their field. The employment gap on their resume is a hinderance and their upward mobility in their sector is halted at whatever level they were in when they exited the workforce. Choosing to stay home is a big risk to the person's individual financial security should they end up divorcing or the relationship becomes financially abusive.

"I explained further that the more I stay at home the less chance I would have to find a well paying job should we ever divorce because I would have less merits, while he would stay making more money each year. So I want half of the company. If we never divorce, which is the goal of all marriages then it wouldn’t matter but should it end, it would be the price of me staying home and raising our children so he could be less worried and stressed out," she writes.

Shelley Correll, Stanford professor and director of the Stanford VMware Women’s Leadership Innovation Lab, tells Forbes, “Frankly, I would worry about women or men using these options. While my research showed that signaling parenthood on a job application leads to penalties for mothers but not fathers, more recent research shows that when fathers show a commitment to caregiving, they are penalized the same way mothers are and sometimes worse.”

The research on the "motherhood penalty" is pretty clear and aligns with why the woman wants equity in the company, but she was chastised by her best friend for making such a request. That's when she turned to the social media platform to find out if others also felt that she made a mistake. Commenters quickly sided with the woman.

three women sitting beside table Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash

"NTA and you shouldn't bend on this. You have as much a right to a secure financial future as he does. If he won't do this, he can't afford you or he is looking to create a power imbalance that puts you at a disadvantage," someone advises, adding that the woman should not consult her friends on "marital business."

"To me, this sounds reasonable for exactly the reasons you've given. You don't want to be the bitter woman finding out in her 50s that waiting tables is her only option because her professional career skills have passed their due date, and your husband has moved on. You don't want to be trapped in a loveless or even abusive marriage because you're financially dependent. And you don't want to be a SAHM begging her husband for an allowance," another writes.

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"This is correct. OP, when I read your friends’ reactions to your request, I was shocked. I applaud you for thinking ahead. No one wants to believe they will get divorced, but it does happen, and often, and it’s the SAHP who ends up struggling because they have been out of the job market for so long. Protecting yourself is smart. Like you said, if you never divorce, which is the goal, then it doesn’t matter what you own, but if you do divorce, you’re protected from living in a one bedroom apartment and working at Walmart. Good for you," someone else shares.

In the end the woman's husband did agree to hand over equity in the company at 49% so he could maintain the controlling share but she would have future financial stability.