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James Van Der Beek's realization about his identity after cancer has people pondering

"I had to look my own mortality in the eye," said the Dawson's Creek alum. "I had to come nose to nose with death."

Photo credits: SANSIERRASTUDIO (left) Super Festivals from Ft. Lauderdale, USA (right)

James Van Der Beek in 2010 and 2023

There's nothing like a brush with death to make you reflect on your life. It's so easy for all of us to get caught up in the day-to-day details of living and not take the time to ponder the deeper elements of existence, from the nature of the universe to the meaning of life to our own individual role in the big picture.

Existential questions can sometimes feel overwhelming, but actor James Van Der Beek shared a thoughtful 48th birthday message with his own life reflection after facing cancer, and it distills a lot of the angst of those questions into a simple yet profound answer that's hitting home with people.

Van Der Beek, who starred in the millennial favorite Dawson's Creek, announced he'd been diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer in 2024 at age 47. He and his wife, Kimberly, have six children, and in a video shared on social media, Van Der Beek shared the progression from his somewhat unfulfilling identity as an actor to "the ultimate" identity as a husband and father prior to his cancer diagnosis.

"I could define myself as a loving, capable, strong, supportive husband, father, provider, steward of the land that we're so lucky to live on," he said. "And for a long time, that felt like a really good definition of the question, 'Who am I? What am I?'"

"And then this year, I had to look my own mortality in the eye," he continued. "I had to come nose to nose with death. And all of those definitions that I cared so deeply about were stripped from me. I was away for treatment, so I could no longer be a husband who is helpful to my wife. I could no longer be a father who could pick up his kids and put them to bed and be there for them. I could not be a provider because I wasn't working. I couldn't even be a steward of the land because at times I was too weak to prune all the trees during the window that you're supposed to prune them."

He found himself facing the question: "If I am just a too-skinny, weak guy, alone in an apartment, with cancer, what am I?"

So often we define ourselves by our roles in life or by what we do, but what if those things change? Who are we when it's just us, alone, with nothing external to anchor us to a particular identity?

"And I meditated and the answer came through," Van Der Beek shared. "I am worthy of God's love, simply because I exist. And if I'm worthy of God's love, shouldn't I also be worthy of my own? And the same is true for you."

I offer that to you however it sits in your consciousness. However it resonates, run with it," he said. "And if the word God trips you up, I certainly don't know or claim to know what God is or explain God. My efforts to connect to God are an ongoing process that is a constant unfolding mystery to me. But if it's a trigger or if it feels too religious you can take the word 'God' out and your mantra can simply be 'I am worthy of love.' Because you are."


Van Der Beek's sincere, warm delivery and universal message of love and worth hit home for a lot of people. Fellow celebrities and fans alike praised and thanked him for it:

"Happy birthday brother. This was absolutely beautiful 💜🙏🏻💜," wrote singer Chris Daughtry.

"You’re a gift to this earth and I’m grateful to know you even if it’s just through IG. Greatly admire the graceful way you share and happy you made it around the Sun again," wrote New Kids on the Block's Joey McIntyre.

The Sopranos' Jamie-Lynn Sigler wrote, "That is it James. That is it. And you my friend are love. A steward of love. A teacher of love !❤️. We love you !!"

"I watched this with Bodhi with tears in our eyes and Bodhi said 'that was really touching' thanks for being love James and sharing that with everyone, ❤️" added actor Teresa Palmer.

Battlestar Galactica reboot's Katee Sackhoff wrote, "Thank you for your vulnerability and wisdom ❤️ Amen!'

"You are such a special soul. You are pure love my friend," added actor Nikki Reed. "Worthy of it all… hoping to hug all of you soon. Happy birthday❤️❤️❤️"

Some people took issue with Van Der Beek saying people could remove the word "God" from the message if they wanted to, but the reality is that not everyone has positive feelings about God or religion, and some have even been deeply hurt by people weaponizing them. Van Der Beek making a message of love more universal so that everyone can take it in and benefit from it without barriers or hang-ups is part of what makes it so beautiful. He was able to express his own religious/spiritual experience without shying away from the terminology that was true for him, while also making sure that his message was accessible to everyone regardless of faith or belief.

Perhaps we can all take a lesson from Van Der Beek's sincere, open, and balanced approach as well.

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Dennis Quaid recalls the spiritual experience that helped him overcome addiction

That's really what we're looking for, the joy of life, which is our gift, actually, the relationship with God that we all have.

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Quaid first broke into Hollywood for his role in "Breaking Away."

In an exclusive interview with People, actor Dennis Quaid shared how his faith led him towards the path of sobriety, and it’s a great example of the major role that spirituality—that is, the feeling of connection to something greater to yourself, not necessarily in the form of religion—plays in addiction recovery.

Quaid broke into Hollywood in 1979’s “Breaking Away,” and over the next 10 years would become a household name. But at the height of his success, a profound moment caused him to check into a rehab center.

“I remember going home and having kind of a white light experience that I saw myself either dead or in jail or losing everything I had, and I didn't want that,” he recalled to the outlet.

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While addiction is complex and multi-faceted, many former addicts note a sense of spiritual emptiness being a contributing factor, leading to feelings of isolation, a lack of purpose and depression, which individuals then attempt to use alcohol or drugs to fill the emotional void.

Quaid’s insights seem to reflect this concept.

“It's a struggle,” he told People. “We're all looking for the joy of life, and drugs and alcohol and whatever give that to you really quick…That's really what we're looking for, the joy of life, which is our gift, actually, the relationship with God that we all have. It's at the bottom of it, the joy of being alive.”

For Quaid, and for many others who have gone through recovery, sobriety meant “getting back to that.”

Going back to his Christian roots, Quaid began rereading not only the Bible but other religious texts like the Bhagavad Gita and the Quran. Though he grew up as a Christian, the actor noted that only through his recovery process did he develop a “personal relationship” with his faith.

Most recovery programs do have a spiritual component involved, encouraging practices that connect individuals to a “Higher Power,” such as meditation, prayer or simply making gratitude lists.

The concept of spirituality might feel alienating to those battling addiction who equate it with religion and feel like they don’t fit into a religious framework—which could cause them to avoid seeking help at all.

However, the two are not the same. Psychiatrist Dr. Maya Spencer defines spirituality as “the recognition of a feeling or sense or belief that there is something greater than myself, something more to being human than sensory experience, and that the greater whole of which we are part is cosmic or divine in nature.”

Spirituality is a deeply personal process, which is partially why most recovery programs use the general term “Higher Power” so that anyone can assign their own meaning, be it God, the Universe, Oneness, etc. In this case, Quaid might have found peace through what he calls “God,” but others have found it in recovery using different names.

And truly, addiction recovery aside, it is awe-inspiring to think about how tapping into that mysterious, cosmic force can rewire even our most deeply ingrained beliefs in an instant. Only a month ago, on June 22, 2023, a white supremacist reported changing his entire worldview after taking part in an MDMA study and feeling a divine sense of “connection.”

All this to say—we might never be able to agree on what we’re a part of, exactly, but believing we are a part of something often helps us not take this miraculous existence for granted.

Watch Dennis Quaid's full cover interview with People below:

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My 4-year-old was told not to say, 'Happy holidays.' Here's how I responded.

An innocent trip to the supermarket with my 4-year-old daughter showed me how strange this world has become.

It started with me playing the all-too-familiar role of "Shopping Cart Mutombo" (essentially swatting away all of the junk food she attempted to put inside the cart). Nothing unusual there.

Not in Dikembe Mutombo's house, kid. GIF from Geico.

Later on, we encountered a woman who stopped us to say how cute my daughter's "Frozen" T-shirt was. As we were about to part ways, I whispered to my kiddo to wish the lady happy holidays. Again, nothing odd there, right?

Well, not so much.

The woman smiled at my daughter and said,"Honey, your daddy should teach you to wish people a 'merry Christmas,' not happy holidays, OK?"

My little one quickly responded with a sheepish, "OK," and that was the end of our brief encounter.

What just happened? One second she's complimenting my kid's outfit, and before I knew it, she was telling me how to raise her. Needless to say, I was less than pleased.

Oh, no she didn't. GIF from "Friday."

I'm a Christian who celebrates Christmas, but I'm not buying this "War on Christmas" nonsense because it's a war that doesn't exist. I also fully reject the notion that my daughter should say "merry Christmas" to everyone she comes across.

When we got home, I gave my daughter three reasons why that lady was wrong in terms that even a 4-year-old can understand.

1. It's just silly.

I could start and end my rant with that, but since we're on the topic of silliness, let's push forward with a silly analogy that I shared with my daughter.

Let's say there is a fantastic buffet that offered the best mozzarella sticks in town. When it comes to dipping sauces, she's on Team Marinara all the way and — coincidentally — that was the only sauce this establishment had available.

Mmm ...mozzarella sticks and marinara sauce. A great combo. Photo via iStock.

Customers with diverse tastes start to visit the buffet, so the owners decided to do something about it. Instead of providing a "marinara" section, there is now a "sauce" section of the buffet where the marinara is in a container next to a container of ranch dressing and a container of some other secret dip that nobody is quite sure of.

So, here's the question I posed to my kid: "Would it upset you if all of the sauces were grouped together? Remember, you can still have your marinara sauce, but it will be placed with the other sauces."

Her response was a cautious, "No," assuming this was part of a trick question. I assured her it wasn't.

I know what she wouldn't do. She wouldn't throw a tantrum about how there's a "war on marinara sauce" and that we're becoming "too politically correct" by including other sauces that don't appeal to her.

Saying "happy holidays" isn't dissing Christmas any more than offering a bunch of sauce choices disses marinara.

2. The Christian population in America is dwindling, and we need to be inclusive of other religions.

Again, I'm a Christian, but we need to stop acting as if Christian celebrations and beliefs are all that should matter in America.

A whopping 70% of Americans claim Christianity as their faith, but that percentage dropped by approximately eight percentage points since 2007 according to the Pew Research Center.

Why does that matter? Because the number of non-Christians in America is growing. That means more Jews, Hindus, agnostics, atheists, and (gasp) Muslims are walking among us. While certain bombastic presidential candidates may not like some of that change, I personally think it's wonderful.


Another factor is millennials are less likely to be religious than any other group, although many of them identify as spiritual.

As this trend continues, fewer people are identifying with Christianity and more people are choosing other religions — and in some cases, no religion at all. Does it really make sense to wish everyone a "merry Christmas" if that's the case?

That's when I asked my daughter a second question. "If you were at a playground and only a select group of kids could play with the toys while the others were left out, do you think that would be fair?"

Again, my query was met with a simple "no," but I decided to follow up by asking why she felt that way. "Because everyone should have a toy to play with."

Right.

So if you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or Three Kings' Day, you have a right to have it recognized, even if it isn't by name. Happy holidays is a good way to do it.

3. Accept well wishes graciously.

I finally asked my daughter, "What do you say when people say nice things to you?"

You guessed it.

GIF from "The Office."

Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, or happy holidays are all pleasantries. There's nothing remotely hostile in those words. Sure, they may not be the words that some would choose to receive, but they're far from insults.

Can we please stop acting like it's some sort of attack on humanity? Because it's really not.

Final note to the lady at the supermarket: I'm going to teach my daughter to be inclusive and kind.

I understand where you're coming from. You really like marinara sauce and it's pretty much all you've eaten in your lifetime. Sometimes change can be hard. I get that (took me two years to wean myself off ranch).

But we shouldn't cling to our old habits just because we don't feel like changing. We need to make the most out of our time here and connect with the people we meet. That way, the mozzarella sticks will taste better for everyone.

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